#also i may have spent $60 but i got a $25 gift card so once again it does not count

[guinevereslancelot]

spending money on items doesn't count if they're on sale

[theragamuffininitiative]

Tagged!

@dearponty tagged me in this one, thanks friend! ^_^

@notatypicaldimension, @thisbibliomaniac, @crazytwist09, @party-with-books, @enchantedblackforest, @mariposamonarch (if you wonderful peoples want to. And even if I didn’t tag you, feel free! That’s a constant rule on this blog. :) )

— what was your last…

1. drink: orange juice

2. phone call: My mom or my grandmother.

3. text message: My sister-in-law.

4. song you listened to: "He’s Not Here!” from !Hero

5. time you cried: It’s been a little while. I’ve gotten teary over a lot of beautiful things especially over Easter, and I got pretty upset over something dumb that made me want to cry in anger, but I haven’t actually cried in a bit.

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: Nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it: Nada

8. been cheated on: Negatory

9. lost someone special: Yes.

10. been depressed: Yup.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope-aroo.

— fave colours

12. Purple

13. Navy + assorted blues

14. Peach/Coral <<same as Ponty

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Yesss. Love them. ^_^

16. fallen out of love: You have to first be in love for this one, right? XD

17. laughed until you cried: Yeahhh lol

18. found out someone was talking about you: Yes but so far not in a bad way?

19. met someone who changed you: I think everyone you meet changes you, but yeah I can think of a good few.

20. found out who your friends are: I love how this assumes we all constantly get ourselves embroiled in toxic relationships we have to discover aren’t true. Like, I am way too cautious in initiating relationships for that. It may happen, but not yet. I’ve got good friends and I love them.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Ew. No.

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Most all of them, but most of them not very well.

23. do you have any pets: I MISS MY PUPPER AND MY KITTEHS. Technically I have a godchild cat...or niece cat...something like that. She’s a percentage mine. XD

24. do you want to change your name: Nah.

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I spent time with family, spread out over a couple days and tbh I kinda don’t remember a whole lot. I think I watched a movie, my fam made me dinner and there were sweet cards and gifts. ^_^

26. what time did you wake up today: 9 am. I stayed up late last night. XD

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching !Hero: the Rock Opera, and also getting distracted not watching !Hero.

28. what is something you can’t wait for: This askjdlgs episode of Supergirl - alternatively, “Jeremy Jordan returning to Broadway.” Also, getting to see The Lion King in about a month. !!!

30. what are you listening to right now: Traffic outside my apartment. Birds in the courtyard. Occasionally my neighbor moving around upstairs.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yup. A couple Thomases, and I worked with a Tom previously, and work with a much nicer Tom now.

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: Supergirl’s deeply flawed existence is a constant mood, and I’m having frustrations with a relationship that I don’t know how to solve. :/

33. most visited website: Youtube and Tumblr are probably about equal.

34. hair colour: Hehe wouldn’t you like to know. <<I second Ponty. ;) ;)

35. long or short hair: Longish. Thinking about getting it cut, but idk how short.

36. do you have a crush on someone: I get friend crushes a lot. Like I fall hopelessly in love with somebody, but not in a romantic way, just in a “I want to hang out with you and do dumb fun stuff together because you seem so cool” sort of way.

37. what do you like about yourself: I always seem to answer these the same way, but whatever? I like my (semi dormant?? ha) creativity, and that I’m usually a pretty patient, forgiving person. That might sound weird, or bragging, but it’s not something that comes without practice, so I think it’s okay for me to like/be proud of that.

38. want any piercings: I’ve been saying I should get my ears pierced for like ten years now.

39. blood type: I honestly have no idea, why don’t they give you this information when you get a copy of your birth certificate, or have a check-up? Seems kinda important. XD

40. nicknames: Here? “Rags” and many variations thereof. I also have a lot of nicknames irl but a lot of them have kind of petered out of usage.

41. relationship status: Single pringleeeeee.

42. sign: Aquarius I think but it has no relevance so.

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: Fringe or White Collar or Psych maybe.

45. tattoos: I don’t have any, but if I ever got one, it’d be Needtobreathe lyrics.

46. right or left handed: Right. Which is funny because in the artistic circles I run in, I’ve often been the odd one out. XD

47. ever had surgery: I split my head open once. That explains a lot. ;)

48. piercings: Noooone

49. sport: BASEBALL

50. vacation: NYC (literally just to see shows) or the mountains somewhere or Europe, particularly Edinburgh and London. And anywhere honestly on the East coast of this country, because it’s so rich in history.

51. trainers: Shoes, right? Or people who have trained me?? I’m confused. I buy from Payless. I like Converse but who can afford them. XD I’d rather wear something sensible but stylish anyway, and the one shoe I actually care about is Oxfords. I want me a pair of Oxfords.

— more general

52. eating: I am so hungry. I’m going to swing by a cafe and eat because I have a freebie there. But generally, I love pasta and pizza and eggs and toast for breakfast. And fruit.

53. drinking: Water, tea, orange juice, Pepsi.

54. I’m about to watch: I have a bunch of things in my Youtube “watch later” list, including some talks by Jason Robert Brown. Oh! I’m going to rewatch Doctor Strange with some of my favorite peeps tonight. ^_^

55. waiting for: “Schott Through the Heart” and Lion King again. Also, the lunch rush to pass before I go to the cafe.

56. want: Actual furniture in my bedroom. It’s beginning to bother me. I just want a little desk, a little shelf, and a little nightstand like thing. I can wait longer for a proper bed.

57. get married: Maybe someday. I’m not seeking it out right now. :)

58. career: I’ve just started my first job in a theater, and though it’s not with the production process itself, I am loving it, and hoping to move backstage sometime soon. I want to have a career in theater, probably as a writer or at least writing scripts/novels on the side.

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: eyes

61. shorter or taller: shorter?

62. older or younger: older?

63. nice arms or stomach: ?? what kind of a. Smile. Nice smile is 100% the most attractive thing.

64. hookup or relationships: relationships. 100%. <<amen

65. troublemaker or hesitant: In a relationship?? Hesitant, I guess, if it means they/you are being careful and serious.

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: Nope

67. drank hard liquor: No why would i put myself through that miserable experience lol <<<saaaaame

68. turned someone down: A couple of times.

69. sex on first date: no

70: broken someone’s heart: Doubtful.

71. had your heart broken: Nope.

72. been arrested: Ha. No.

73. cried when someone died: Yes.

74. fallen for a friend: Again, no. Although idealistically that’s a cool way to go. :)

— do you believe in

75. yourself: To a healthy extent, I think. I believe in other things more, but I definitely believe in what I ought to be doing and how I have to work to do. I’ve gained a lot of self-confidence in the past four years, kind of a totally different person now - thank heaven.

76. miracles: I see them all the time.

77. love at first sight: Ish? Appreciation/attraction/clicking immediately can happen, and that can grow into love.

78. santa claus: He exists in every way that counts.

79. angels: Yes.

— misc

80. eye colour: Wouldn’t you like to knoooooow. ;) Idk, it’s probably in another tag/ask post I’ve done on here somewhere lol.

81. best friend’s name: I don’t know that I have one exact best friend rn. There are a handful of individuals I am super close to, and people I know I can tell anything to, and people I just love to hang out with, and I always want to make them happy. <3

82. favourite movie: Newsies Live. It counts, and I know for a fact I have watched it more than any other movie so there.

83. favourite actor: Jeremy Jordan. (woooooowwwww shooockkkerrrrrr)

84. favourite cartoon: Tangled: the Series, and Trollhunters. (Those count, right?) I didn’t watch a lot of traditional cartoons growing up. Just Disney movies.

85. favourite teacher’s name: If I say anyone other than my amazing mother who homeschooled me and my siblings, I’d have to say: Clint. He taught me how to play guitar, and he was pretty fantastic as a role model too. I loved being his student, even if I was too withdrawn at the time to properly take advantage of it or show my appreciation for him.

[jmkieper13]

Mother's Day...

Well, I’ve survived another Mother’s Day. This year it was hitting me harder than it has in the past, and I made the decision of taking a social media break for a few days. I haven’t gone back yet, as I’m giving it a few more days to flush out the posts recapping how wonderful Mother’s Day was out of people’s systems. I found this was a huge saving grace for me. In the past, Mother’s Day has been the hardest day of the year for me. It’s something I’ve looked forward to celebrating literally my entire life. Since I was a little girl I held my baby dolls, dreaming of the day I’d be a mommy for real, rocking my living, breathing baby in my arms, and being celebrated just for being that little person’s mommy. I’ve dreamed of getting breakfast in bed of runny eggs and burnt toast that little toddler hands helped their daddy make me, and looking back when I’m 60 at the handmade cards saying, “I love you mommy” scribbled in crayon on scratch paper. Things I would cherish as prized possessions, that would be kept, yellowing and wrinkled from love in a drawer or a closet, brought out and smiled over often. Things that those kids, when I someday pass on, would find in their dedicated spot, and would shed a few tears while they smiled and looked at them, saying that they couldn’t believe I had kept them all that time, and would share them with their own children…and they would know, even more, how much I adored them. This has always…always…been my dream. But it’s not my reality. In my reality, Mother’s Day is not a sweet day to honor the gift of getting to be a mom…it’s an annual reminder that I’m not. Now, I have to make a disclaimer. I know, acknowledge, and think constantly about the fact that three separate times I have carried life in my body, however briefly. Three different times, I got to accept that there was a baby growing inside of me, only to have that baby not make it, and that joy immediately turned to heartbreak. I know that motherhood is defined many different ways, and by any definition, the life that you’re carrying within you not surviving in no way negates that the life existed. Much like when your parent passes away, that doesn’t erase that they were there. So, with that, I know that in a sense I am a mother to three angels. BUT…it’s also very different. Mother’s Day, as a person who’s lost the first three lives that I was able to carry at some point in time, is still the hardest day. The solace of knowing that, technically, I’m a mother too is actually really, really painful. A woman’s arms will never feel more abundantly empty than when she’s being told Happy Mother’s Day still applies because even though my babies died, they were still my babies. I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day for me, but hope to someday. Someday, I hope that our dream and our reality merge and become the same thing, and we get to celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and I’m able to use that day as an opportunity to tell our living children about their siblings that didn’t make it. Taking a break from Facebook helped more than I ever expected it would. My husband reaffirmed that I made the right decision, seeing the things that our mutual friends were posting, in stepping away for a few days. It was still a really hard couple of days, but it allowed me to almost play ignorant and trick myself into thinking it was just another day. We spent time with both of our families, and it was much nicer than I was mentally preparing myself for. I customarily always am putting other people first. I didn’t just attend baby showers for friends that were pregnant, I helped throw several of them. My near-constant heartache was put second to celebrating everyone else’s joy. I shopped any time I saw a sale, and built up a stock pile of baby items, to be able to throw together a gift for a shower with little or no notice, and this now has evolved into hand making personalized gifts for friends on their way to having their little miracles. It genuinely makes my heart as happy to do this for these friends as it does sad for me to not get to make them for our own. Yesterday, I walked into my mother-in-law’s house, and immediately after our 16 month old niece smiled and ran up to give me a hug, my sister-in-law handed me a gift bag and said it was for me, “Just because.” It was a gorgeous pair of earrings that she said could be my good luck earrings. They were to be a reminder that maybe next year will be different. It truly warmed my heart. It was so beyond unexpected, and I was a bit speechless. They’re beautiful, and I plan to wear them tomorrow, when I’m hoping for some good luck to come my way! Speaking of…I don’t want to go into details here, but if you could pray for me tomorrow, I could definitely use them. This is totally unrelated to fertility, just another facet of my life that I’m hoping to take in a new direction. In any event…Mother’s Day came, and it went, and I lived to tell about it, which right now is about all that I can really ask for. I can hope that next year is different, and that instead of dreading the day, I get to join the ranks of the first time celebrators. As for where we are now, the Letrozole worked! We aren’t pregnant, but we know I ovulated, we know that my levels didn’t blow up like they did with the Clomid, and I think I may have actually even ovulated twice (once on each side). We were truly hoping that because of all of these things that this would be our month, but I do know that there’s only about a 25% chance each month of everything happening just perfectly for a pregnancy to happen, so we’re at least on the right track, we believe. This month, in addition to feeling that I may have ovulated twice, I also had a normal, long luteal phase! I’m actually on p+18 today, and while I’m spotting, I’m still waiting for my cycle to start. The second ovulation I believe was a couple of days later, so I believe I’m sitting right at 14 days from ovulation 2.0. I’ve been consistently getting negative pregnancy tests, so with the start of my cycle, when it comes, I will begin on cycle day 3, again, the Letrozole (same dose), but I will take it for 5 days instead of 3 this time. We are hoping that this is what does it for us! Be praying extra hard! We think our miracle is close! 🌈 We also are getting very close to a year from that day last July that someone told us to tell our families that next year we’d have a baby to bring with us to the July 4th celebration. Come on, grandma…I know that was you…time to make this happen! Get everyone together up there, and let’s make this happen! 🙏🏻🤞🏻

[mceproductions]

November 2018 Blurbs

11/1/18 In Novembers Gusty Gale...The one baby song that sticks with me is that line from Chicken Soup with Rice... The fact that I know that and can sing falsetto really sets a tone. Rice Lake run today as Scholarships needed answering somehow the fact that i can only qualify for one and yet still can deal with classwork is a mystery. Eli in 2 Weeks and hoping Basketball at the Vikings Stadium at months end. Mom said shed go with on Saturday to St. Paul but in case not contingency is the Queen Movie. Stinks about Nutcracker being lousy Grinch remake for Christmas Movie it is. 11/2/18  Patti and the Bravada im trying to buy. Something tells me thats got to answer itself very soon. Ellen wasn't going to St. Paul either so contingency may now be in place. Work at least had benefits being sorted out. Also Lego Harry Potter man that game was fun, glad for the port, now they just need to port other lego games. 11/3/18 Bravada is now mine thanks to mom. More crucially Queen Movie was luckilly in town, at theater that is now only open weekends. Confusing yes, just hoping this isn't premant closing like Bruce. Movie was near perfect as Rami Malek Crushed It, a term I almost never use. Andrew fried microwave after 18 years. It was overdue but man it stinks that its gone. ReLife Anime...If episode 17 had me tearing up, the other 15 1/2 should be just as interesting. Unlike that other show A Sister Is All You Need, a premsise about slice of life, authors and drinking that wears dull quick. 11/4/18 So begins a short week, mainly due to assurance needed for initial plans. Just wish they could have called me in for one more day, i have assurance but still could have used it. Pete Davidson is really hurting based on this weeks SNL no matter his mindset and well wishes, he's hurting. Packers more so...and Ricks final Walking Dead, what a cop out...So glad I'm done with the show, no matter how interesting teenage Judith looks. One more detail, just when I thought 2018 had used up all its anime...Rapping Zombies on a Show that really should be used by the ZombieLand Sequel coming out next year, they can spit licks. 11/5/18 Remember Remember...An annual watching of V For Vendetta and its poigancy highlights today. Bravada is now officially mine just have to get it al registred and isured without it breaking my bank. Also never trust pictures for all purchases on Ebay, miffed on that count. Very long day tomorrow, even work may be overshadowed by this, could have used this 2 years ago on that fateful night. 11/6/18 The Blue Wave of election day. Unlike 2 years ago when that blowhard of president peeved off the country, this made me glad i was working. Plenty of distractions. But Walker is gone from Wisconsin and the Blue Wave crested at the house. Not the complete washover those wanting Trump gone hoped for but still great. 11/7/18 Those 2 dopes i call younger brothers...Somehow they dont get it. Only thing they do get, is how awesome Red Dead Redemption is and how i wish to high heaven it came out for the Switch. 11/8/18 This time of year when the cold comes out, the stuff you like to do seems impractical. I have a vehicle that I cant use until i get it titled, and a nephew coming in 1 week who may not even see me a bunch. Lone thing giving me some solace, the black Friday Ads popped up today. So many possibilities. 11/9/18 Winter has shown in full force, proof being, those 2 dopes stuck here. Me having to suffer through it until I head to work. Holding off on Grinch until next week, possibly seeing it with Mom and Eli. 11/10/18 RWBY Continues to astound. Salems storied history with Oz, wholly molly. Christmas season always seems to bring out the best when it comes to treats. Lately my favorite seems to be those nougats. Fresh and gooey all in one sweet package. Badgers sure do stink. That guy getting revenge on Pete Davidson especially the Ariana Ringtone that was worth it to see during SNL, Liev Schriber sure is not funny though. 11/11/18 Vets, heroes who give thier daily lives to defend all that we hold dear and sacred. Also fitting its the centiniel of said remeberence. New guy on Cap 2 Tristan, I'm really liking, seems to hold his own quite well. 4 days until Eli comes looking forward to it. 11/12/18 Why does family make the easy things so difficult, once again those 2 dopes. Store had Black Friday stuff being assembled today. Be glad to use debit card tomorrow when i get bulk of my funds back. Last few days have been rough. 11/13/18 GameFlip, an app ive been using to buy mainly Amazon cards is really having it both ways with me. Great to find digital codes for almost nada, but this one guy who i bought a card from on Sunday has been really screwey. Really miffed on that front. Said digital codes allows me to rewatch The Meg during work lunch. 11/14/18 Final Project for class has me creating a full training seminar. Stinks knowing that I have to do it on too broad a subject issue. Mobility in the workplace, having to do with wheelchairs and other devices. Wow city this is hard. Christmas box has been dug out, begining decorating tomorrow before Eli shows up. Hunters at play this weekend. Also glad store discount expands to food for rest of year. 11/15/18 Dad is 60 feels weird to say that. Well Eli, a little bit intimidated by me, but we have a week to fix it. Got A debt collection thing from WITC On the same day i finaly knocked off tuition. I know i wanted to not have autopay on tuition but this is ridiculously overkill. Likley watching Fantastic Beasts Saturday when we get back from Rice Lake, glad like the Queen movie this is in town. 11/16/18 Nora and Eli, weird combo that sends him into his Grandmas arms. Glad thats occuring while im not at home. At least my and Erics Grandma got to see him, just not sure how much longer that will be a possibility. One week to Black Friday and the trucks for delivery have tripled. The sales will be worth it but the work on the other hand, wish that just came faster. 11/17/18 Stags day, the first day of hunting season a little less crowded around the area. Went with mom and Eli to see Grinch but showing ended up being sold out. Eli for being 4 is just a near ball of energy, even if we never gave him sugar Wish he could calm down, mom somehow seemed chill with it, might have to take her advice on this issue. Cute when he has to be, bullet like mom put it on all other fronts. As for Fantastic Beasts, it seemed overstuffed for its own good a two hour episode like youd see on Netflix or somewhere else. Though Depp did win me over as Grindlewald. 11/18/18 Eli was better today, and we managed to actually get some stuff done. He ended up being major help with placing ornaments on my tree. Work however was a mess, misinformation abound. Thursday outside better not be a bigger mess. Oh wait its the Black Friday sale yeah it will be. 11/19/18 The thanksgiving week is always wacky, Monday somehow is wackiest. Eli went with Mom to meet Rafe while I mainly spent it finishing decorating the room. Green Light Strand isnt working will have to replace it. Cayedn surprsingly got a deer and Eric is really helpful on that front. Work meanwhile was nuts, this time however, with Split Pants. May have to get new ones before Thursday Night. Glad this week a lot of stuff on Itunes and Amazon is on sale. Will likely take big advantage of this. Andy possibly thew wrench in plans, hopeful that i dont have to cancel. 11/20/18 Lone day off this week has me stopping at WITC to finish work i have assigned since i have no class tomorrow. Had to pick up pants as my others split. Will hold off on game or blu ray until thursday night after work. Mom and Skillet cookies glad she makes them but could wonder what else around here might break as stove is going. Our turkey is set for tomorrow as Eric and compay leave before parade on thursday. Hopin to get Eli once more to do craft project, want to surprise mom on that count. 11/21/18 The day before, aka the busiest travel day of the year. Made rudolph feet with Eli, a lot bigger than i pictured him to be. Had to wear split pants as replacements didn't fit. Turkey was good, unexpectedly tried Moms squash that was really tasty for some odd reason. Back outside for carts tomorrow, first time since the summer and i get thrown to the wolves on the big one. Colder than usual i will admit. 11/22/18 Eli seemed sad to leave us, but at least i got him the ornament he made ready before he did. Another thanksgiving the parade in full glory. Lions crappy game, Cowboys decent game, and Wal-Marts annual 6pm sale. Cole really needed to be slapped. He must think im dumber than i look. Best part is always the low price movies and tv shows. Annual pickups of Flash, Arrow and Big Bang Theory. Handmaids Tale DVD counts too this time along with Jumanji and a film i personally wanted to see but heard crap about, Assassins Creed. Not looking forward to the rain tomorrow. 11/23/18 Quieter than usual actual Black Friday. Couple that with Rain that washed away snow, pretty off day all around. 11/24/18 Plans for Basketball with Andy and Carynn are officially scrapped, could remedy that in another surprise way. Something about today that just felt so much more off than usual. Lingered at Library, lingered at Store, even lingered at McDonalds stuff i would not normally do on a day like this. Ralph Breaks the Internet I'll hold off on for now. Really still want to see Grinch. Badgers finally lost the Ax after 15 years, really makes you think. 11/25/18 Finally got Wolfenstien 2 downloaded for Switch, will look forward to play something else besides Zelda for a bit Smash Bros awaits in the wings. Christmas gifts are starting to take abit of idea form. UCF continues to climb, will need upsets by Texas and Northwestern to have a shot at Playoff but without QB is risky. 11/26/18 Mom threw out her back, not sure if it was from picking up Eli but she seemed more out of sorts than usual. Other replacement for Cap 2 joined, liking him so far. Small issue with Chyenne who was on phone for nealry 15 minutes in the middle of the aisle, and nobody said a peep. If it was me, would have been fired. Privelege indeed. Guy at McDonalds may be homeless, was tempted to report him but with all the white calling blacks for doing normal stuff no way id risk it. 11/27/18 This day always seems to be the quietest when it comes to stuff coming out, almost nothing. One movie I wanted to get for Eli when he was here finally showed up. Wrapped up DVD's as gifts for Eric and them. 15% extra coming Thursday. Not sure what itll be used for. 11/28/18 Rare Wednesday I had store duties as well as class. Got extra 15% card for the even 25%. Glad ill be able to use it this time. Unlike what I originally had intended for The 30th. Could use some more snow around here. 11/29/18 25% discount thankfully goes 2 days so held off on that. Visited WITC the Christmas decorations are great as usual. Visited Menards but the so called enchanted forest seemed lacking. At least I was able to get bulbs and another set of blue lights. Sold ticket, hopeful Andy can get in tomorrow and enjoy himself. 11/30/18 Contigency Plan #2: Animated Grinch, OK Cumberbatch was excellent and Pharell ups Anthony Hopkins but the movie was just simply Ok. 25% got used well for Moms clients and Connor and Amber. Andy and Carynn got in and enjoyed themselves. Also got thier save the date and details on the  Weddding. Looks like a fun 4 day trip next May. Last Part of Year begins, lets see if this can finish strong. Never  figured at start that id be blogging this but just goes to so. 334 Days down 31 to Go.