#also if you read her name in beginning as 'Bean' instead of 'Beau'

[doli-nemae]

so, after Asylum, Dorn was asking how Triss fare's and I decided to make a little addition to their dialogue

[awayfromthedesk]

Unsollicited Advice for the Class of 2020 in your teens, 20s and 30s.

By Athena Fosler-Brazil, Christine Argueza-Prince and Marielle Argueza

As a first-generation college graduate and a veteran attendee of several graduation and promotion ceremonies (because all my siblings are smarty pants), I want to acknowledge that for the graduating class of 2020, this can be an intensely emotional time. You were promised to participate in a tradition and to celebrate your accomplishments in front of your peers, family, friends, mentors and teachers and a public health crisis took it away. 

There are tens of millions of students in the class of 2020 who will miss out on their graduation ceremonies in the United States. It’s a milestone that some have taken to recognizing online or celebrating out in the streets with neighborhood parades. Where it won’t be happening is out in the sun, in the hot fields and stadiums, or crowded gyms and auditoriums of their respective campuses because of health restrictions. 

But let’s not dwell on that. I speak from experience from when I say, graduating and moving from one phase of life to another, does not come from sitting in an hours-long ceremony filled with—let’s be honest—pretty bad speeches with hit-or-miss jokes and administrators with cringe-worthy mispronunciations of your name. I don’t even remember my keynote speaker’s name, just that her advice was to say “yes” to everything, which is just a setup for needless self-sacrifice IMHO. That speech was the most dreaded of things I really didn’t want to hear as a know-it-all 21-year-old: unsolicited advice. I was rolling my eyes the whole time.

So naturally, I and two graduates of 2020 are giving you unsolicited advice—hopefully better than my class of 2015 keynote speaker’s advice—to immerse you in the full-experience of graduation. Athena Fosler-Brazil is an outgoing senior of  Carmel High School and Christine Argueza-Prince, a recent graduate of University of North Carolina’s Gillings School of Global Public Health (and also my oldest sister). Instead of asking them to write a commencement speech, I asked them to cut to the chase. What nuggets of wisdom would they give to their younger selves, and ultimately to those moving from one phase of life to another.

Without further ado here is your list of unsolicited advice:  

In Your Teens By Athena Fosler-Brazil 

1. Don’t let your peers convince you that caring about things is uncool. 

2. Stop pretending to like the music your crush likes if it genuinely sucks. 3. It’s really worth it to ask questions in class.

4. It’s okay to shed the relationships that are no longer fulfilling in order to make room for new ones. 

5. No high school relationship is worth planning your future around. 

6. You may not be friends forever, but that doesn’t make the friendship less valuable. Not everything meaningful must also be permanent.

7. Find a teacher at school who will help you skip “mandatory” pep rallies. 

8. Good teachers will change your life if you lean into your education.

9. Crying in front of other people doesn’t make you weak. 

10. Remember that your life will never be as easy as it is right now. Enjoy being supported and be grateful for it. 

11. Approach your education as a privilege and not as a chore.

12. You’ll stop worrying about what other people think about you once you realize that people are very rarely thinking about you. I mean this in the best way possible. 

13. Learn how to advocate for yourself. Now. 

14. Sometimes risky decisions lead to good memories and great stories. Sometimes risky decisions lead to trauma. 

15. Learn how to omit excessive “likes” from your sentences before you become an actual adult. 

16. Don’t make everything into a Big Deal. 

17. It is rare that you can successfully teach a shitty friend how to not be a shitty friend. 

18. Remember that you are only at the beginning. 

In Your 20s

By Marielle Argueza

1. Contrary to the informational pamphlet, universities can’t bring you the real world. You have to seek it out and live in it. 

2. You may never become friends with your parents, but you can forgive them.

3. Friend breakups are as difficult as romantic breakups.

4. Take off your makeup before you sleep and wear sunscreen. Every. Single. Day.

5. You are not your job, your major or your relationship. 

6. Wash your sheets frequently. You’ll feel better. 

7. No Karen, you’re not “honoring” your one-sixteenth Cherokee “heritage” with that headdress that you want to wear to Coachella. 

8. Learn to listen by shutting up and learn to respond with a question. 

9. The universe is not conspiring against you, but your priorities might be. 

10. Caring about the environment doesn’t necessarily mean going vegan and buying new shoes made of recycled ocean plastic. A lot of the time it’s revamping your consumption. 

11. Find your shade of red lipstick. 

12. Sometimes you’re different, but other times you’re average. Embrace both. 

13. Failures are almost always constructive criticism. Verbal and psychological abuse is not.

14. Look at your bank statements every single week. 

15. You’re probably using the words “actually” and “literally” incorrectly. 

16. Know how to order and make a cocktail that you like. 

17. If you want to travel cheaply and well, think small. Stay in neighborhoods and make friends in those neighborhoods, instead of generalizing an entire country. London isn’t the entire UK. Parisians are different from the Lyonnais. Cabo isn’t the capital of Mexico, Chad.

18. Assume you are never the smartest person in the room and that’s OK. 

19. Sorries aren’t reserved for the douche bag talking over you. They’re for apologies. For example: “Sorry, I’ll try not to finish this thought while you’re talking over me...d-bag.” 

10. Learn to be proud of yourself. You’ll find more validation in yourself than in others. 

In Your 30s By Christine Argueza-Prince 

1. Thirties are really the new 20s. “You get a re-do! You get a re-do. Everyone gets a re-do!” -Oprah 

2. By now, people you know will have had babies, are married (or divorced), and have a bunch of letters like PhD, MBA, and M.D. after their names. Measure your success with your own stick.

3. If you’re not using a calendar and the Pomodoro Technique, you’re not as productive as you think you are. 

4. Wit and grit will get you pretty damn far.

5. There will never be “a good time to have a baby.” Define your own timeline. 

6. Two words: email etiquette 

7. The time to start thinking about your next promotion is the day you get promoted. Don’t get too comfy. 

8. Have the audacity to put yourself in charge (see no.9)

9. ...you can start by planning and hosting a party. Preferably not the kind that results in two DUIs and a paternity test.

10. Public speaking is a skill to master. Know how to present without PowerPoint slides. Gasp!

11. Find a good tailor and hem your clothes to fit you. Zara didn’t know that you’re 5’2 and curvy.

12. Find someone to mentor. Then you will know if you are truly ready to lead. 

13. If you had a crappy day, it is not okay to unload it at home. If you must, it is wise to ask if people have the mental space for it.

14. Learn how to fight with your significant other without slamming doors and breaking dishes.

15.  If you’re feeling unusually moody, numb, or uninterested in the things that typically make you happy—please ask for help. 

16. It’s easy to become a cynic. This perspective is not your only option. 

17. Ninety percent of your groceries should come from the perimeter of the grocery store. 

18. Instant food is (mostly) gross. Know how to make your childhood faves like mac and cheese and pizza from scratch. 

19. No, chicken breast doesn’t need to be washed before cooking. But you do need to season them, Shiela. Remember this: lemon pepper is poison. 

20. If coffee is life, you should have a moka pot, pour over, or french press in your cupboard. On that note, grind your own coffee beans. 

21. Treat yourself on your own dime. 

22. Treat your health and wellness first. I am talking about that really good moisturizer, a 90-minute massage and a bouquet of flowers just because. 

23. A 13 percent interest rate for a BMW is not a good decision. Your paycheck should pay YOU, not Sammy the sales employee of the month. 

24. You should be on your own Netflix, phone, and car insurance plan by now. 

25. Take care of your mouth. Nothing is worse than your future boss or beau walking away because you have terrible oral hygiene. Colgate is BOGO at Walgreens, so is lip balm. 

26. As it turns out, orange is not the new black. If you must get a tan, go to the beach. 

27. No Ashley, you did not live in Europe on your post-college trip. That was a vacation and Europe is one whole continent. Also, Disney is not the happiest place on Earth. 

28. Know the freedom of traveling or eating in a really fancy restaurant all by yourself. 

29. You can always see how a (wo)man will treat you in seven years with a baby when you invite them over for a home cooked meal. If they’re dancing you around in the kitchen—they’re a keeper!

30. If you are not living that fragrance-free, pasture-raised, organic life, you’re not about that life. No, really. Read labels and know what can prolong your sweet life and what can kill you. 

From everyone at Away from the Desk, congratulations class of 2020.