“In the past I lay out on the land
Stretched my legs felt my chest expand
If we could flow together someday
Then we will float away”
Heather’s Top 25 50 Songs of 2018!
guts — alex winston // sweet dreams — mark hadley // africa — toto // go to war — nothing more // smallest light — ingrid michaelson // my friends — oh wonder // knocking on heaven’s door — raign // rememberance — balmorhea // hazy shade of winter — hidden citizens // time after time — joseph william morgan // live in the moment — portugal. the man // killmonger — ludwig goransson // daddy issues — the neighbourhood // no roots — alice merton // run for your life — k.flay // play with fire — sam tinnesz // the sailor song — autoheart // warrior — steve james // IV. sweatpants — childish gambino // hello — via audio // daddy — emeli sande // paradise valley — honey and the sting // attila the king — nick glennie-smith // foolish — lauren shippen // experience — ludovico einaudi // singing in the rain — through juniper vale // hello stranger — barbara lewis // end credits suite — nicholas britell // ahead by a century — the tragically hip // achilles come down — gang of youths // without you — leslie odom jr. // natural — imagine dragons // sky full of song — florence & the machine // broken people — logic & rag’n’bone man // flesh and bone — black math // nina cried power— hozier // kol nidrey — the yuval ron ensemble // stronger — the score // rise like a phoenix — conchita wurst // heroes — mans zelmerlow // cut to the feeling — carly rae jepson // the greatest show — hugh jackman // the plains/bitter dancer — fleet foxes // always starting over — idina menzel // if i could turn back time — cher // new rules — dua lipa // fernando — cher // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // movement — hozier // seasons of love — rent cast
short version | long version
so, fun fact. if you start a playlist in january and add a song every time you really love it or find yourself listening to it a lot, by december you find yourself with... a very, very large playlist. 261 songs, 17 hours and 17 minutes large to be precise. which hey, last year the mix was 262 so that’s a pretty spot on average.
i sort of prefer the long one, but i mean, hey. there’s large playlists, and then there’s listing all 261 songs. so i broke it down into a moderately more digestible abridged version with only 50 songs. if you want the original playlist, the link is there. have fun. til then though, here’s my 50 most played.
i. guts || alex winston
i know you're a liar, throw me into the fire
man i should have known, i should have known
god damn you're a liar, threw me into the fire
This song is one of those where the catchy jingle sort of hides that the meat of it is relatively dark. It’s a gorgeous song, one that I listened to for most of January, and off and on throughout the rest of the year. Alex Winston’s voice is like a dream.
ii. sweet dreams || mark hadley ft. dresage
Hold your head up
Keep your head up, movin' on
This song I actually listened to a lot at the tale end of 2017, because it was released as part of the Wrinkle In Time trailer and it was absolutely gorgeous. This year, I found it on a Stranger Things fanvid and it’s been on my Stranger Things mix ever since.
iii. africa || toto
I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She's coming in, 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
Speaking of songs that are on my Stranger Things playlist... I’m kind of at a loss as to why this got so freaking popular this year. I mean, it is a truly dope song and I’m super fond of it but like. Was it Stranger Things? Did it just become that anthem of the year? For me, it was that I wrote fanfiction to it and also we played it on loop while we were playing beer liquor pong on vacation. It was... super surreal.
iv. go to war || nothing more
Hush, my baby, make no sound
Maybe we can wait each other out
It's a cold war
Let's go to war
So, this song I actually heard driving home from my friend Alex’s after marathoning a few episodes of The Flash and it just hit me super hard. I mean, it’s a great song for my kind of ships, but also, it’s just a great song.
v. smallest light || ingrid michaelson
Just because you don't see us
Doesn't mean that we don't exist
Sometimes the smallest light
Shines so bright
I think I originally found this song on the Watercast playlist on spotify? And I really liked it, because I like most of the songs on that playlist, but like. I was driving to work one day and like, just got hit with the biggest plot bunny for Will and El as siblings. And like, I just had that bunny and this song percolating in my head for the rest of the day, and the song just kind of stuck with me. This song is Will and El’s anthem.
vi. my friends || oh wonder
Can I beat within your heart?
Can I bleed within your love?
Oh my friends
Okay, so like show of hands- who here has read We Were Liars? This is a mostly hypothetical question because I’m not sure anyone actually pays attention to these anymore but I like them, so fuck it. Point is, I was listening to the watercast playlist a lot while reading that book and this song was playing when we made certain discoveries that most of us had already guessed, and it made me cry.
vii. knocking on heaven’s door || raign
It's gettin' dark, too dark to see
I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door
This fanvid happened around the time I was writing that Will and El as siblings fic and I basically played it and the video that inspired the next song on the list on repeat until I finished. This cover is lovely and haunting and just, such a freaking earworm.
viii. remembrance || balmorhea
instrumental
Yeah, this is the video. I actually used this song in a fanvid of my own a couple years ago, when I got to make a fanvid for @iki-teru‘s fantastic Yuffie-centric fic All Through the Circling Years which... I can no longer find, so maybe it was taken down? Either way, I loved the song immensely before, but that fanvid with Hopper is so fucking tragic and beautiful.
ix. hazy shade of winter || hidden citizens
Seasons change with the scenery
Weaving time in a tapestry
Won't you stop and remember me
There... are a lot of songs on here that are also on my Stranger Things playlist. And I’m a sucker for haunting covers.
x. time after time || joseph william morgan
If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
This is the last of the Stranger Things songs. Well, at least the last of the ones that aren’t Harringrove related. Another fanvid that caught me off guard, because just. Damn. There are so many beautiful fanvids for this fandom, it kills me dead.
xi. live in the moment || portugal. the man
Come back Sunday morning
With that soul to sell
When you're gone
Goodbye, so long, farewell
Not 100% sure where I first heard this one, but it stayed with me for a good portion of the spring and summer. I discovered their song feel it still around this time last year too, so clearly they’re just a real good jam for when you want to feel the sun on your back.
xii. killmonger || ludwig goransson
instrumental
There are a couple songs from the Black Panther soundtrack on the longer version of this mix, three from the score and one, maybe two from the credits. I freaking loved that movie so damn much, but it’s soundtrack blew my goddamn mind. It is literally all I listened to for weeks, and this song in particular fucked me right the hell up. Just listen to the flutes and the bass. Just, damn. Killmonger, you’ve got the best theme in the entire movie.
xiii. daddy issues || the neighbourhood
I'd do whatever I could do
I'd run away and hide with you
I love that you got daddy issues
And I do too
And heeeere it is. This was the first song that I associated with Harringrove for uh, very obvious reasons. Definitely had this and a few others on repeat whenever I had to write sexy scenes for the boys.
xiv. no roots || alice merton
I like digging holes and hiding things inside them
When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them
'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night
This song hits the same part of me that fell absolutely in love with Guts when I first heard it. Alice Merton’s voice is just fantastic.
xv. run for your life || k.flay
Bite off the venomous head
Follow the chemical scent
Look for the hole in the fence
Take everything you demand
I got to see K.Flay in concert sometime late last year, and even though I didn’t know her very well (I told my friend that I’d see K.Flay with him if he saw Glass Animals with me) her music was sweet enough that I could appreciate the concert even knowing none of the songs. Let me tell you though, I fucking wish she’d played this song then because holy fuck.
xvi. play with fire || sam tinnesz
Insane, inside the danger gets me high
Can't help myself got secrets I can't tell
I love the smell of gasoline
I light the match to taste the heat
Kuroshitsuji is something I haven’t really thought about in like half a decade. And then I ended up seeing this vid while I was waiting for my connecting plane to arrive so I could go see my family. I only saw the damn thing because it was made by the same person who did this one, which I hunted down because I was reading Yuri On Ice fic on the plane and the point is: pingvi is amazing and all of their vids are a goddamn delight.
xvii. the sailor song || autoheart
I was your sailor, your demon
Your lover, your overbearing best friend
Hoping for some attention
So, while I was down visiting my family sometime during the spring, I had a brief dizzying spiral where I fell head over face into the Pacific Rim fandom, because Uprising quite emphatically fucked me up. Anyway, because of this I spent the night after I saw it scrolling through fanart and reading half a decade old fanfiction while my brother was trying to make me pay attention to him. And yeah, that’s how I found this art and listened to this song for like the rest of the fucking year.
xviii. warrior || steve james
I got my head high, my chest out, my eyes open wide
I got no fear, got no doubt and, god, I feel alive
I'm not stopping for ya, I'm a fucking warrior
My brother showed me a bunch of fanvids on my first day down there, but my favorite was this one, because I’d recently watched Little Witch Academia and this was so freaking cute and all kinds of lovely.
xix. iv. sweatpants || childish gambino
Rich kid, asshole:
paint me as a villain
Another thing that happened to me that week was the discovery of lipgallagher’s fantastic harringrove fic (shoot the lights out, hide) till its bright out. Which is all kinds of great and lead me to this song and the realization that Donald Glover does music?
xx. hello || via audio
How could it be
Someone could find me
Too scary to say hello to
This was one of the songs on Damien’s fanmix from The Bright Sessions. And because The Bright Sessions suckerpunched me with feelings, I spent like a month straight listening to that mix and getting into that garbage man’s headspace. It was wonderful.
xxi. daddy || emeli sande
He's out your system yeah it took you a while
You got your family back and you got your smile
And you promised your sister that you'd never go back again
I spent the better half of this year shipping Harringrove and Mark/Damien, which are both ships that are... well, not exactly the healthiest of relationships. Mark/Damien fucking ruined me. Listening to the last bit of The Bright Sessions was basically physically painful because like, okay. Logically I know that Damien is a garbage person. But also, he’s got a shitty power that would lead to some pretty interesting moral dilemmas even if you were a normal nice person (cough cough Mark), and like. They’re both so fucked up and Damien is so in love with Mark even if he’s not entirely sure how to be a fucking person and I have never had a pairing come after me as hard as this one did. Like it really came after me. Anyway, this was my true Damien/Mark anthem, because it’s fucking perfect and awful and fantastic and I just want them back in my life, guys.
xxii. paradise valley || honey and the sting
In the past I lay out on the land
Stretched my legs felt my chest expand
If we could flow together someday
Then we will float away
This here is my most played track of 2018. I first heard it during the special two hour episode of Wolf 359 and the whole end of that episode just blew my mind. So I immediately went to spotify, found it, and have basically listened to it all year since then. It helps that Nick loves it too, so every once in a while he’ll be playing it, which reminds me why I love it and just. It’s so soulful and beautiful.
xxiii. attila the king || nick glennie-smith
instrumental
Yeah, I literally have no idea how this made it to the top 50 much less the top five, but apparently it did. It is really good writing music, but still.
xxiv. foolish || lauren shippen
The impossible happens every day
No matter what you do it won’t go away
Don’t ask for more
But then what are you waiting for
This was my year for podcasts - in one year I fell in love with Wolf 359, The Bright Sessions, and EOS 10 all over again when it came back for its third season. Near the end of the series though, The Bright Sessions did a musical episode! I listened to it in my car on my way to work and basically spent the entire freaking time smiling like an idiot. Truly my favorite episode.
xxv. experience || ludovico einaudi
instrumental
The Sense8 finale came out in June and it was absolutely wonderful. This song was playing during the last scene of the series and I fucking cried my eyes out. The song itself is fucking gorgeous, but what’s more is it made that last scene so much more than it would have been if they’d chosen any other song. It truly was, and forgive the corniness, a fucking experience.
xxvi. singing in the rain || through juniper
I'm singin' in the rain
Just singin' in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again
I went through a phase in June-July where I checked out a bunch of old movies from the library. The first one was Philadelphia, because it was mentioned in the musical episode of The Bright Sessions and I just really wanted to watch it? But I also picked up Singing In The Rain, because I’d never seen it before and just, damn. I watched it before work and it was raining that day and the drive to work was the most fun because I just listened to different covers of the song and sang my heart out, and I was just so damn happy. It was dumb, and nice, and it probably going to be one of my happiest memories that I take with me into the new year.
xxvii. hello stranger || barbara lewis
Hello, stranger
(ooh) It seems so good to see you back again
How long has it been?
(ooh, seems like a mighty long time)
I also watched Moonlight sometime in late June. It was one of those quiet nights where nothing really seems good enough, where you feel just a little bit empty inside and nothing is helping. So I watched the movie and read @notbecauseofvictories‘s A Cornstalk Fiddle on my back porch afterwards and the movie combined with the fic and the music turned that quiet empty night into something just as quiet, but a million times more full. Another good memory from 2018 that’ll stay with me for awhile.
xxviii. end credits suite | nicholas britell
instrumental
From the end credits of Moonlight - I played both this and Hello Stranger on repeat while I finished up the fic I mentioned above.
xxix. ahead by a century | the tragically hip
No dress rehearsal
This is our life
I watched Anne With An E. I was sad a lot at the time, and got to a part early on in the second season that kind of lead me into an uncomfortable headspace so I actually still haven’t finished it? But it was really nice for awhile, and I hope to go back and finish it sometime.
xxx. achilles come down | gang of youths
Just humour us, Achilles, Achilles, come down
Won’t you get up off, get up off the roof?
I’m not 100% sure where I found this song either? My gut reaction is that it was a song I found while I was reading either The Cruel Prince or The Goblin Emperor, but I’m not sure. Good song, though.
xxxi. without you | leslie odom jr.
The earth turns
The sun burns
But I die
Without you
Oh man, I found this cover one night while I was reading, and like, I was reading, so at first I didn’t really process what I was hearing, just that it was familiar and that I liked it. And then my brain connected the dots and I looked up and saw that it was a cover by Leslie Odom Jr and immediately restarted the song and just listened.
xxxii. natural | imagine dragons
Deep inside me, I'm fading to black, I'm fading
Took an oath by the blood of my hand, won't break it
I can taste it, the end is upon us, I swear
Yeah. I like Imagine Dragons. Honestly though - this one might not have made the cut if I hadn’t heard it a few months later on an EOS 10 playlist.
xxxiii. sky full of song | florence & the machine
Grab me by my ankles
I've been flying for too long
I couldn't hide from the thunder
In the sky full of song
So, a while back there was that video going around where Florence literally sang this song while a storm started up around her, and like, that was the first time I heard this song? That was the first I heard that she even came out with a new album, so I basically sat down and listened to the whole thing, but this one was still my favorite.
xxxiv. broken people | logic & rag’n’bone man
Broken we ain't beaten
There's no glory in defeat
We won't fall into the cracks between our streets
I uh, may have watched a couple fanvids after Infinity War. This was one of them.
xxxv. flesh and bone | black math
Break the truth inside of me
Climbed down to hell on the devil’s tree
I clutched a branch of soot and flame
The thought that rose, to scorch my feet
I walk alone
Beside myself
Nowhere to go
This was another.
xxxvi. nina cried power | hozier
It's not the song, it is the singin'
It's the heaven of the human spirit ringin'
It is the bringin' of the line
It is the bearin' of the lie
It's not the wakin', it's the risin'
So last year Take Me To Church made it to my Top 38 or whatever I had it narrowed down to, mostly because I went through a Les Mis phase. But I kind of joked on that post last year about Hozier releasing an album next year and how unlikely it was, and lo, here we have it. Maybe not a full length album, but five new beautiful songs.
xxxvii. kol nidrey | the yuval ron ensemble
Nidrana lo nidrei, V'essarana lo essarei
Ush'vuatana lo shevuot.
Maggie Stiefvater posted this song to her blog a couple months ago and I was really fond of it. It’s incredibly beautiful.
xxxviii. stronger | the score
I do this with conviction
I write truths and never fiction
My disease is what you fed
I can't stop with my ambition
Oh look, another Marvel fanvid.
xxxix. rise like a phoenix || conchita wurst
I rise up to the sky
You threw me down but
I'm gonna fly
So honestly, basically the rest of the mix are songs from Ryan’s OR mix which is an official EOS 10 playlist. It’s phenomenal, and I basically spent all of October and some of November getting stuck on various songs in the mix.
xl. heroes || mars zelmerlow
Don't tell the gods I left a mess
I can't undo what has been done
Let's run for cover
Yup. Giving me feels and also super catchy.
xli. cut to the feeling | carly rae jepson
Ah, I wanna cut through the clouds, break the ceiling
I wanna dance on the roof, you and me alone
I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah
Okay, but like - why did nobody tell me that Carly Rae Jepson had other songs and they were super fucking catchy? I spent the last few days of being a waitress driving to work blaring this and the last two songs and it did fucking wonders for my mood.
xlii. the greatest show | hugh jackman
Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for (woah)
Been searching in the dark, your sweat soaking through the floor (woah)
And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore
Taking your breath, stealing your mind
And all that was real is left behind
Breaking news, The Greatest Showman was amazing and I cried. I fucking missed hearing Hugh Jackman sing, and like the fucking lead up, of starting the movie with this song and then ENDING it with this song, with that performance, with those fucking lines (this is the moment you’ve waited for) - was so goddamn energizing. I just could not fucking deal.
xliii. the plains/bitter dancer | fleet foxes
I should have known one day you would come
All of us walk so blind in the sun
Midnight feeder, beggar pleader
Okay, okay. So there's this playlist called Wet Black Leaves that I listened to a lot when I started my new job, throughout rainy October and November, everything was just a little too wet and a little too cold, and this whole mix is so atmospheric and gorgeous. I absolutely adore it.
xliv. always starting over | idina menzel
Am I always
Starting over?
In a brand new story
Am I always
Back at one
After all I've done?
The finale of Wolf 359 fucked everyone up, right? Yeah, obviously. Okay, well the final episode of season 3 of EOS 10 also fucked me right the hell up. Like we’re talking messy crying in the car on the way to your like second or third day at the new job. Anyway, I kind of spiraled and then I went back and listened to Ryan’s mix and found this song and just wanted to kick my heart around for awhile.
xlv. if i could turn back time | cher
If I could reach the stars
I'd give 'em all to you
Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do
If I could turn back time
MESSY CRYING. But like, I also really like this song. So MESSY CRYING and also screaming all these words as loudly as I can within the relatively safe confines of my car. I guarantee you that people next to me at stop lights thought that I’d gone through a messy breakup.
xlvi. new rules | dua lipa
Three: Don't be his friend
You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him
Okay, but also some of the Ryan songs were catchy in a not heart breaking way, unless you think about the untold story of what exactly went on between Ryan and Akmazian and fill in the blanks and break your own heart.
xlvii. fernando | cher
There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
Cher did an entire cover album of Abba songs in like, late October, I think? And like, my little gay heart fucking exploded and I listened to Cher singing ABBA songs for like three whole weeks and it was fucking fantastic. This... was actually not my favorite of the bunch until I went into a Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy of The Wise Man’s Fear and had a completely transformative experience when I heard it playing softly over the stacks.
xlviii. it’s quiet uptown | kelly clarkson
If I could spare his life
If I could trade his life for mine
He’d be standing here right now
And you would smile, and that would be enough
And after a brief detour into delightful cher/abba combinations we’re back to tragic EOS 10 songs. Additionally, I’m sick of Hamilton songs fucking me up. I get to see it in person in 2019 and I’m going to make a fool of myself when I cry my eyes out in front of Nick and our friends.
xlix. movement | hozier
So move me, baby
Shake like the bough of a willow tree
You do it naturally
And just when I thought we were just going to get the four songs out of Hozier in 2018, we got this gem, which I think I like more than all the others.
l. seasons of love | rent cast
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?
I will never be over this song. I will never be over this musical. Merry Christmas, guys.
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