#also kudos to the barbie generator for somehow understanding the vibe

[skitskatdacat63]

[harrysthoughts]

YOU - Season 2 - Episode 1

Hi Youlinas! OMG...sitting here BALD after watching the 1st episode of our beloved YOU, season 2. EP. 1 spoilers ahead - tread lightly! 

After a lovely recap of the first season (RIP Beck, RIP Peach, RIP Peach’s Goyard tote), we are dropped off in sunny LA with Joe looking the same in his Ted Bundy-ass, bookish-ass outfit and forever-furrowed brow. He explains that he detests influencers as he walks through hordes of them posing against one of those Insta-walls on his way to his new hacienda. Classic. Delilah is the first new character we meet and she reminds me of a Sephora makeup artist even though she’s a reporter and landlord. Ok career Barbie! Joe introduces himself as “Will Bettelheim” which definitely has potential to be confusing. She lets Joe (Will?) into his new minimal LA digs and tells him not to cook meth in the kitchen. 

The next character we meet is a little balcony thot, who approaches Joe with a fistful of licorice and a whole lot of attitude. Her name is Ellie and she’s already getting on my nerves, but I’m pretty sure that’s her goal - so, kudos, babe. We learn that Ellie and Delilah are sisters. Delilah warns Will (Joe?) that she will “vivisect” his “individual scrotums” if he lays a hand on Ellie. Weird thing to say considering I think there’s only one scrotum, right? Can you have two scrotums? Wouldn’t that require four testicles? Doctor? Doctor? 

Next, Joe wanders into ANAVRIN (Nirvana spelled backwards LOL stop), which is a fictional Whole Foods-leaning supermarket, to find a job. Of course, he lands a gig on the spot - working in the book nook. Yeah, ok, so there’s a corner of books...in some part of this Valencia-filtered grocery store? I’d love to see a floorplan of the place to better understand the geography. 

And then we meet the new Beck: Love Quinn. The first words she utters to Joe are “Does this peach look like a butt?” Which is kind of slutty for an opening line but kind of endearing and quirky, too. She’s pretty, duh, and looks exactly like the person Joe would stalk: like she gets her jeans at Madewell and her gourdes at ANAVRIN. The two engage in a really well-written flirting session amidst the heirloom tomatoes and we learn that Love works at ANAVRIN, too! How convenient! Every time I type ANAVRIN I lose brain cells so I might have to come up with an alternative.

While at...The Store, we meet another new character, Forty (huh? lol) and he immediately surpasses Ellie as the most punchable. He says a lot of stupid stuff and then walks away, so Joe goes over to Love and she gives him a scone. He takes it, walks behind a pile of crates, and begins to whack off to the thought of Love. He comes to his senses and knows that he SHOULDN’T be fantasizing about her (or, um, masturbating on a pile of crates next to a half eaten scone while AT WORK?). Nice will power, Joe. We love to see it. 

Joe gets Ellie a new phone because he threw her old one off the roof because she was filming him walking down the street for a school project. No, I know. But this gives the two a chance to bond in the hacienda courtyard. Ellie teaches Joe how to brand himself on the ‘gram, which is sweet even if her advice kinda sucks. So, he follows said advice and spends time taking pictures of carousels and books, naturally. While in the park, he sees a girl taking photos for her quinceanera and then falls asleep against a tree. He wakes up burnt to a beautiful Cloud-Paint-in-Storm-esque crisp because he never had to deal with the sun in New York. 

Later, somehow, Love finds his address and barges in while he’s making himself ramen noodles. She rubs Apple Cider Vinegar on his burnt face and then admonishes him for not eating quality food and reading Joan Didion everyday. We can’t all be perfect like YOU, Love! But then, generous as can be, she vows to make him fall in love with LA. Because time doesn’t exist in TV shows, the pair run around Los Angeles eating tacos and dumplings and finally end up at The Store, all in the span of what feels like what Blair Waldorf’s commute to Brooklyn would’ve been.  

Once inside, they shop for gorgeous fresh ingredients by the light of the lettuce showers (a vibe) and then retire to the kitchen where we learn that Love went to cooking school and is also a widow. Ok colorful past! She makes Joe some roasted chicken and then basically force feeds it to him.

Throughout the episode, we see flashbacks of Joe’s last encounter with Candace, in which she orders fries (with a side or ranch, ew) and then vows to ruin his fucking life. So now Candace is hunting Joe, which is why he relocated to the place he hates most: LA. Ok, it’s coming together!

The episode ends with Ellie painting her toes on the hacienda stairs in the middle of the night because she drank too many (14) Frappucinos to sleep. She tells Joe that a creepy guy named Jasper stopped by to collect something from him. 

This, of course, is where everything gets all fucked up like we knew it would. Apparently, Joe didn’t just happen on Love. He’s been following her. He might even be the reason she’s a widow. No, I know! Wig! Joe, sunburnt and on a mission, goes to his storage unit at Lock of Fame (ha) and it’s revealed that he has the same set up he did in the basement of the book store. Hell yeah, the glass box is back! And it’s occupied by some rando! Is that Love’s dead husband? Who’s actually alive? I have no idea. But I can’t wait to find out...