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theorynexus · 4 years

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68 will be my second post, this morning. I wonder if it will start section 8 of the Meat Epilogue.

Oh darn it. I forgot to make a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy/Meaning of Life reference on Meat 42. At least we’re back to a 43, and things might therefore be luckier. Maybe. (I am very silly when it comes to superstitions regarding numbers, sometimes, even though I don’t really believe them.)

MY TIMING SENSES WERE TINGLING!!!

Hmm. Well, strategy meetings and investigations are important. (Also: I am again reminded of the dreadful likelihood that Terezi went with Dirk, which continues to be a disturbing thought.)

Hmm. For some reason, I have the impression that he does indeed have a vague idea where he’s going, but he may not actually know where/how to find it, yet. That seems pretty likely. Thus, Roxy would be partially correct. (On that note: Interesting that Jake didn’t actually come with. I thought for sure he’d have snuck aboard at the last moment, or something, as a stow-away.)

Eh, I’d say it goes a little beyond “prove a point,” but it’s also probably incomprehensible to you, right now. I guess we’ll all have to be patient before we can more thoroughly sort through his insanity in that regard. As for Jane... I don’t know. It might be more trouble than it’s worth to contact her. The fact that Dirk has her as a seemingly important part of his plans suggest that it could essentially be springing a trap on yourself. I wonder how she’ll react to finding out that Dirk’s been mind controlling people and that that probably invalidates the actual results of her election, in the sense that it dramatically undermined the democratic process. (That is a really complicated issue that is somewhat entangled with real life politics, though, so I don’t want to get into a deep and proper discussion of what determines electoral legitimacy on a philosophical or political level here.)

It is a very interesting choice on Alt!Calliope’s call to focus on incestuous questions and Dave being awkward, rather than to follow tat important call.

Dirk is so twisted at this point that I’d almost not put it past him, but at the same time, why, Dave, do you have to assume that the motivations are sexual in nature? (I mean, honestly, it could be the fact that Dirk was trying to force him to have sex with Karkat that gave him the impression that Dirk was [and he is, but maybe not to that extent] way too carnally-minded and motivated.) Honestly, Dirk’s head is way too concerned with philosophical matters, and if anything he’s probably going to make a clone of himself to have sex with or something stupid like that, if he REALLY has to engage in some sort of tension-releasing copulation that isn’t masturbatory in the way that having sex with someone you’ve brainwashed and twisted into being your personal object of amusement is. Therefore, I juuust can’t quite see Dirk having sex with Rose/her new robot body. (Gosh, I hate that I feel compelled to address this.)

I honestly quite agree with Karkat, and now understand a little bit more about why our focus strayed where it did--- though it would have been nice to receive some sort of narration to indicate that. And yes, it’s sad that Kanaya’s being put on hold, I guess. A little bit. (Not really. I understand politicians in places of power can get quite busy, and it may not even be Jane’s decision to have her on hold... though if it is, I can most certainly affirm that that is quite rude.)

I mean... to be fair, Karkat, it’s rooted in biology. Humans not having a Mother Grub means that the don’t have a natural means to reduce the genetic load that would be caused by related populations interbreeding and therefore dangerously duplicating genes. Thus, it is not actually arbitrary, which I am sure you would know if you had spent a bit more time acting like the “geneticist” your troll handle suggests you happen to be (yes, I know it means to refer to his ectobiological frog wrangling/recombination; even so, the point stands).

I take it that Karkat’s dejection about the election has kept him a bit preoccupied and out of the loop, lately.

This is horrible (Karkat’s part, I mean). Roxy’s new new outfit sounds like something I would be very interested in seeing fan art of. A pink-looking slightly more effeminate Dave look sounds aesthetically striking (and I’m not even a fan of pink). But yeah, good on her for not giving up in frustration for people confusing them, I guess. ***shrug***

And we return to this awkward and slightly funny subject. Considering it was not resolved last time, I guess that’s reasonable. (Some day, maybe I’ll write a post analyzing Roxy’s trans-iness and/or how they/he seems to have been affected by those around he/them in his/their path to figuring it all out. This sort of issue is always a bit difficult to properly tackle without raising some people’s hackles, so to speak, though, so I am not sure if I’ll end up doing it. Regardless, it’ll have to be quite some time in the future, should I do so, after I’m at least done reading both sides of the epilogues. I’m sure Roxy’s interactions with John will have some important light to shed on the matter.) It’s sortof nice that Dave and Roxy can joke about this without it becoming too uncomfortable (apparently) for either of them.

... Is revealing this something they’ve discussed before now? I mean, doing this in front of friends and family could be sortof... bad for things between them, if Karkat’s still trying to figure out how he feels about it and whether he wants to press on vs throttle back? I mean, just calling each other boyfriends is not something either of them were comfortable with, and just because Dave is now doesn’t mean Karkat necessarily will be. I dunno. I feel conflicted on the matter, despite the fact that it is on the border of being cute.

Yeah, see, this is what I meant: Awwwwkwaaard.

Yeah, it definitely did serve as a good distraction, at the very least. ~~~ Jane either not knowing or not being willing to tell (we’ll have to wait for a perspective shift to her to be certain) is no surprise.

Gah. FINALLY. If Roxy weren’t such a Void-y ball of fun, everyone would have known this for some time, by now. (Also: This is another reason why I am quite certain that Dirk was responsible for at least the way that John died. He didn’t want him to be a threat to him. [I wonder, though: will Candy John potentially pose that problem, in the future, given the fact that he will likely be able to traverse the two different timelines, should he become aware of them? Heck, this could be the reason why one had to die in the first place. Or one reason.])

This is what you get when you A S S U M E. Also, Terezi would really be useful due to her Seer powers in particular.

Well. That is a useful compromise. Good on you for finally figuring something out to bridge the gap between your morals and Dirk’s amorality. (Also, that presents interesting potential conflict in the future, insofar as there might be a point where Calliope has to decide whether to allow them to take Jade with or not.)

Has little Timmy fallen down a well? O: <

This is funny because it’s like that one time where Jade was sleeping and Dave couldn’t get in touch with her. That time his weird fursona came up. Tightest butt in the jungle, or some stupid nonsense like that.

Dave is smarter than Dirk would give him credit for, calling him the dumbest of the Stralondes, by the way.

Not only do they need one of his ships, but it is quite reasonable to assume that they might be able to entice him to follow with them to where Dirk is going. This is a potentially dangerous gambit, like bringing Gamzee along anywhere, but I think it could pay off in the end. I think that, as I suggested earlier, Jake’s probably going to be the one to end up killing Dirk, in spite of all the underestimation that and horrific invective that had been directed his way. In all honesty, this would really seem to be the direction that Jake’s been being pushed in all along, considering all the failed opportunities to interject him into a place of importance in the story.

Considering his level of devotion and love for Dirk, now, he very strongly reminds me of that one old clown story that AH wrote... the one where the clown was never able to pull himself away from the service of his abusive, evil master. I bring that up specifically to suggest that Jake WILL succeed, however. I believe that, counter to the example that I just cited, and contrary to all of the deterministic forces that Homestuck has seen in play, the power of Hope will be what is necessary to do the impossible. A Page has a long, pain-filled story arc, but when it finally blossoms into the great behemoth that its seed of potential suggested it was from the very beginning, amazing things can happen. A Page of Hope is perhaps one of the most potent Classpect-endowed figures that Paradox Space could conjure up. I have come now to see that this turn on Dirk’s part was probably planned from the beginning, as was the fact that Dirk’s abandonment of him was likely meant to be the catalyst for the eventual realization of Jake’s full potential. Obviously, this will not likely happen in the near future, much to our short-term misfortune. Dirk, if you ever see this, know your folly: Jake English is just the force you would need to break free of the shackles of the reality you live in--- if only you believed in the him that believes in you. Instead, your Rage will consume you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love this dramatic comedy.

Honestly... this is great. From a writing stand-point, this is excellent. The decision to have Dirk drag Terezi along brings more significant stakes to things and drama for the future, especially with the fact that we DO know that he can be brought back to life, now, despite Dirk’s statement to the contrary. Despite all of my pathos earlier, the way this story (the story of Homestuck) is ending is actually getting me excited and washing away the scars that came from the darkest hour of the path previous. I really like the mechanic of Dirk having reality warping powers and Alt!Calliope being able to counter them, but only in close proximity. With the speed of his ship being a factor, especially, this sets up for some really interesting potential action in the further development of the story, as well. That Hussie was able to so masterfully navigate these emotional waters and string me along to this point was brilliant too. In sum: WOW, GUYS, I’M PUMPED!!! ... But... while this would actually serve as an excellent, fully complete and enticing epilogue in and of itself, the fact remains... there is yet more. Not only in the Postscript, but in Candy. This throws many spanners into the works, and I honestly don’t know how to feel about all that! If this weren’t Andrew Hussie we were talking about, I would be incredibly afraid that what is to come would throw everything off and make the eventual follow-up in Homestuck^2 (which I know he’s at least directing, though he’s not quite as involved in the story as he was in Homestuck, apparently?!) potentially quite messy and of a much lesser quality than I might expect. Given this IS Andrew Hussie we are talking about, however, I actually am quite confident that eventually, it will work out splendidly, and raise his literary accomplishments to even greater heights. Though... I am filled with a bit of trepidation. That “eventually” will be so far in the future. ***laughs awkwardly*** ... Buuuuutttt there’s still more left, even on this page, so I had better get to that. ...

It is very interesting that she’s been enveloped in that blanket of space so thickly and constantly that she’s come to find it comforting. That said: How is it possible for her to withdraw and still let narration continue, supposedly without source or accountability, as she states? Is this meant to suggest that the passive forces of Paradox Space will naturally fill in the gap if there is no one manning the ship, so to speak? This feels a bit unlikely, considering the lack of content for years of the characters’ lives, and Dirk’s suggestion that “God had abandoned them,” or however the heck he put it. This is all veerrry curious, indeed. (I do like her commentary on narration. A lot.) ~~~ Woooooo!!!~ It’s really nice to finish this at-- Dangit, time, why do you have to keep ticking into the future?! Well, even though it’s not 3:14, anymore, it’s still very nice to finish the Meat Epilogue on 02/02/2020. :’)

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festeringfae · 4 years

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We are so close to the end of this movie that I can hear “This Year” by The Mountain Goats in my ears, let’s fucking GO

okay now it’s June 11 so that solved the 2 week mystery with regard to April....sort of......I think....I’m sleep deprived we’ll call that criticism a net neutral draw ok?

oh no i’m super into juliet’s starlit entrnce from the stairs and the WALTZ, no wonder 15 year old had an anxiety attack about this-- OKAY THE SOUNDTRACK IS “WHEN YOU ARE IN LOVE ITS THE LOVELIEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR” THEY ARE EXPLICITLY PORTRAYING THEM AS LESBIAN, PAULINE LITERALLY JUST PECKED KATE ON THE LIPS (not sure if am ablib or the twirling made it awkward or if sometimes you know its just weird to kiss your costar and they shot out of sequence.) the jester costume....very sorry this movie did this to u dr hulme i remember watching the orson welles scene in the rain and weird stuff happens but i forgot that like pauline also agrees with kate’s asseessment that orson welles fucking sucks. i mostly think that’s interesting bc the movie either jackson or irl has tehm watching has welles in...not wells but running water pipes...and the photo of him went over a waterfall in the beginning....oh thats why i didn’t remember her hating orson welles she thinks hes hideous but loves him. this extended sequence of the girls thinking orseon welles is chasing them....honestly the biggest flex on both these actress’ acting chops is how convincingly they act legit beyond-self-consciousness scared of a man cosplaying a black and white orseon welles. not sure how to feel about the imagery of them making up the hallucination of running from him or if thats just like. actually a thing not mentioned in diary. honestly i should probably just stop pointing out shit like that if its not openly offensive or confusing (one thing that is confusing is if they are imagining the room they are in lmao) WAIT OH NO DIARY ENTRY The thick New Zealand accent makes it hard for me to get the specifics but basically “we enacted how each saint would make love in bed” so like thats a real thing she wrote which like...honestly At That Point despie rejecting the label or even romantic feeling involved in the obsession, it would be erasure to NOT portray some of the stuff so i’m like...uh....Extremely Fucking Torn, i hate this, what a plot twit. also no wonder 15 year old me Could Not Look Away From This when it wasn’t scary. anyway again choosing whcih stories to tell. the girls are full on making out now and oh man i think its gonna-- oh nope didn’t see it going there. orson welles is-- also the statue-- did she say they enacted it on each OTHER OR OH. well i mean double check the diary or whatever. oh my God. oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOD. ah fuck man. fuck. God if this wasn’t a real story it would be my favorite camp classic of all time. also again FUCK THE REVIEWER WHO SAID THIS DID NOT EQUATE LESBIAN SEXUALITY WITH MURDER they still have not explained how getting rid of mother accomplishes their goal of not being separated but i guess that must have been part of the whole mystery of the tragedy. or like. whats the word. incomprehensible scope of the tragedy. also you know people have consensual sex with incompatible sexual orientations, right? like? theoretically they could be not lying about the romantic thing between them and used each others bodies to-- God I forgot the real people are 15, literally none of this matters anyway, let me hop off this train, especially since I’m pretty sure Anne aka Juliet said it was never romantic as an ADULT, so that > everything else. i’m lowkey kind of mad at how much of this i remember and how it is like. literally essentially all of the movie u need to understand teh basic plot. but also i cannot believe i forgot about the sex scene to the point that i forgot it was a sex scene and instead it was just cgi fiigures doing Something Weird. (i don’t think they have any evidence that they imagined their little idols as the actual material the physical replicas were made out of, but who knows.) why are they burning the marlo records??? they really picked a vague entry or passage of an entry that might sound sexual out of context if a further context exists....also i cannot imagine how anyone thought melanie’s horrifying Glower while her matter of fact voiceover says “i’ve been very sweet and good” and “curiously enough i have no qualms of conscious” would Work Well. i don’t know if its a new zealand accent or if its an intentional lisp (why do i feel like the latter sounds familiar?) but the lisp on the word murder is So Much. again, cannot believe i watched this movie to get the context for the stuff i already saw and the point is that the context i already saw is the only contexxt given for why they did a thing that makes no sense and has no consistent internal fantasy logic. this is the part of the diary that freaked me the fuck out as a 15 year old. and like, With Good Reason, I could probably stand from a moral standpoint or at least a cycism one to feel more, but as u know this watch has been a Slog and as you don’t know i! did not! sleep! a wink! last! night! so i am probably 24 hours with no sleep at this point! so i feel like there are confounding variables! we don’t even know if this image from the beginning of hem running together calling the hulmes’ mommy and dadyy is from a real trip before the breakup or their imagined ideal....also we never really see how any of the ideals got constructed or why they love dr hulme......Maybe People Felt That Way When They Read The Diary IRL, I Don’t Know. All I know is we are at the FIFTEEN MINUTE MARK BAYBEE! OK its fake the dr wouldn’t kiss paulines cheek also FUCK THE MOUTH KISSING! GOD THSI FUCKING MOVIE HAS MORE CHASTE LESBIAN KISSES IN APPROPRIATE MOMENTS THAN IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND IT MAKES ME FURIOUS, More “you can tell theyre deranged because Kate Winslet looks UGLY and woke up DROOLING”, love that. also here is the line that freaked me the EVER LOVING FUCK OUT and haunted me all these years because like the movie freaked me out and so i went on wikipedia to be like ITS NOT REAL and then not only was it real but the diary entries were verbaitum. anyway it was the line about anticipating christmas morning feeling, thought that was very vivid and effective writing. “thought i’d lost you” hey movie fuck off i feel really bad that the hulmes parents thought they were sayiing goodbye in one way but they were sayiing it in a much more drastic way. man im gonna feel actual emotions about the actual death and like dude after this marathon? having human compassion is good so im going to stop complaining about that, no one is making me watch this but me. i will say one weird thing about this movie is that it keeps showing me dates and times like im supposed to know what that means is close to happening and like. No? Were New Zealanders this film’s target demo? That might explain why a lot of things seem to be treated like givens that are not givens to me. i am pondering if whether given the tastelessness of the rest of the film if watching the death might in fact give me bad like brain images or whatever right before i can finally crash and the thing is.......im feeling very the end of thelma and louise about it. like yeah should i not drive off the cliff? absolutely. but here’s the thing. came this far, I don’t wanna get caught. hey uh i’m not having hallucinations but i just remembered u can get them if you are sufficiently sleep deprived and i feel like that kicking in after or God forbid during Heavenly Creatures is like....yeah. “I BOUGHT IT SPECIALLY”

this shot of her bending over the oven like they’re about to shove her in like fairy tale witches....also? juliet brought her? fruit? like Honora did for her at the hospital? Not sure if symbolism of owing nothing or like a real thing mixed with that or not, or if the fruit thing on the murder day was reported and then they added the fruit in the hospital scene. or both were real and tehy cut out other bits. now im just thinking about how fucking movies work WE HAVE TO GET THROUGH TO THE END altho honestly im CONCERNED THAT THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME TO HANDLE THIS....tastefully, i guess? i was gonna say can u make a murder tasteful but like ive seen game of thrones vs killings in other media so. idk. fuck. look i really don’t want to commentate on this all too much and also pausing it has made me notice the hand drawn color pencil things of their little idols which is creeping me the fuck out and v disturbing and real in a way the clay wasn’t but melanie’s character mentioning the three act structure in the m-- whatever i guess peter jackson was Going For Something and he just missed the mark fo rme THIS IS THE ONE TIME WE’VE SEEN PAULINE CONVINCINGLY PUTTING A FACE ON...WHICH LIKE....I GUESS WAS A CHOICE TO HIGHLIGHT HOW SHES LURKING IN PLAIN SIGHT OR WHATEVER BUT LIKE.......URGH ANNOYING DO ONE THE WHOLE MOVIE the blonde is here, still don’t know if cousin or sister but i’d assume family member instead of boarder oh no its her sister :( altho supposing she was probably still alive when this came out tehre’s....some credit in not like. making her a character-character i guess. honestly that they even CONSIDERED filming the murder on location.....and honestly even this close to proximity is ick. GOD THIS THING WITH THE CRUMPET OR WHATEVER THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY THEYRE DOING THIS truly not sure how tasteful this anticipation is. especially since like. i don’t even think this movie bills itself as horror. idk why i thought that would make a difference. sleepy brain. weird closeup shot of juliet’s (fingerprints?) on a branch oh my God. oh my God that’s the STONE FROM THE TITLE CARD FANTASY, AKA A VERY GAY LINE, FUCK OFF so close to tasteful. like so close.and now very far away. also even the metaphor of what they were thinking during this.......if its not explicitly what they said they were thinking than No. i mean. i guess i faced a fear just now. obviously no real joy of it but that’s honestly like. Good. kind of very--okay no, DEFINITELY offensive that they don’t even show the aftermath of the murder, after making the murder itself like. or specifically them crying about the murder a reaction to realizing they can’t stop the separation, no reaction or emotion at all about Honora, to the point where like. it would require a reason for them to realize theyre still going to be separated and for that being the wakeup call, but there is none, there’s no foreshadowing that they’re doubting not only going through with the murder but that it will somehow help them stay together. so like its tasteless to real people AND JUST NONSENSICAL FILM MAKING. IT’S A SANDWICH THAT’S ALL BREAD. IT NEEDS SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE TO WORK. also i didn’t realize “parker” was a changed (?) name and Rieper was a real one. Extremely Unfortunate. Extremely unfortunate on top of extremely unfortunate, obviously. if juliet was arrested the following day based presumably on the diaries why was there a weird closeup on that branch. just a tactle thing? also what the FUCK i just realized that location was as generic as possible, they absolutely DID NOT HAVE to do it ANYWHERE NEAR the real murder scene, I cannot stand cishet white men and the worst kind of all is the AUTEUR. Oh, apparently Honora and Pauline’s father never married, so Pauline was charged under her mother’s maiden name of Parker. That is......well its ghoulish but also her dad’s name is pronounced like “Reaper” so like. also um what exactly do you have to do to get the insanity plea in 1954 then. also “detained at her majesty’s pleasure” is. i. the detail of juliet going to join her mother overseas is interesting bc she was originally gonna go with her dad but like also that might not be an indicator of anything about their subsequent relationships. Using the condition of their release that they never meet again as the ending card is so cheap because like. Wait does that make the vision retroactive psychic? Also it frames THAT as the big loss here and NOT. HELLO. HONORA!

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spector · 6 years

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Thanks for clearing all the Bemis shit up. Personally, it just felt,, bland after the ride #14 ended on and I haven’t really been able to place why nothing was grabbing my attention like it had previously but I think you really hit the nail on the head. (Also the artist who did the last two issues didn’t make anything better) As for Diatrice, how do you think they can deal with her since she’s kinda a pothole for the story

YEAH even if u disregard the deconstruction of what was established before bemis’ vol, its still not a very well written vol. it relies on very cheap twists and all of that ‘WHOAAAA CRAZY WRITING HUH LOOK AT THE REALITY BENDING’ is just like………………….. ok… its there…. its not very creative?? its just… incomprehensible in a bad way. sometimes when i read grant morrisons’ invisibles i dont understand whats going on but i am FASCINATED by it and CURIOUS to see more so i keep reading. at the end of bemis comic i just pretty much scrolled thru the issues without paying attention to 5 enormous speech bubbles in each panel.

hey remember when ellis could tell a complete story with maybe like. 5 sentences in the entire issue.

and yeah the art was Bad

ANYWAYS… how to fix diatrice… well…. u can start off by acknowledging what her birth would actually mean to marc, i wrote abt it a little bit HERE. the thing is that first of all, it wasnt marc who slept with marlene and if you think about it, this kind of was rape. marc is the father but also he isnt??? he should be angry at marlene but instead he clings to her in a strange thirsty way which is on brand w/ 2006 marc but not 2014 marc.

he needs to acknowledge that schizophrenia is heritable to a degree (60-80% heritability actually). becoming a parent while youre VIOLENTLY mentally ill is a huge, huge, huge, HUGE thing and u cant just. brush over that. like it makes me so fucking mad, you think marc wouldnt be absolutely consumed with guilt and fear that his child could potentially inherit his mental illness??? MARC SPENT MOST OF HIS CHILDHOOD AND TEENAGE YEARS IN A HOSPITAL do you think he’d wish that on anybody??? DO U THINK HED EVER MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO HAVE A CHILD………. I DONT THINK SO…..

all of this needs to be addressed w/ diatrice. and then we can move forward with marc learning to trust himself around her

but of course this is such a tangle thats impossible to straighten out in a COMIC, in a book maybe, but i cant imagine a comic issue w/ marc talking about his fears of being a parent (hey remember when he claimed that his father was ashamed of him and thats why he left him in that mental hospital), thats not how comic industry works.

so i wouldnt be surprised if bemis’ work gets… completely ignored in the next issue. just how he ignored the previous mk work. bemis’ vol might get ignored or retconned through ‘oh by the way marc dreamt all of this shit up welcome to the new comic haha’

#Anonymous

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patrickhayes13 · 6 years

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When You Screw Up

My son Oliver was born in 2010, just before the Michigan State football team finished 11-2 and won a share of the Big Ten Championship -- their first of three Big Ten titles in his lifetime after the team hadn’t previously won one since 1990.

That fall, Oliver -- approximately the same shape as a football -- and I were glued to our rocking chair religiously on Saturdays, watching Michigan State. His wise, gigantic brown eyes, even at just a few months old, were intently focused on the T.V., and that intrigue has only grown as he has become a competitive, sports-obsessed 8-year-old.

I am a graduate of Michigan State. I finished my master’s program in journalism in 2010 -- struggling to take the last two classes to finish that degree in the winter, after Oliver was born while also working full-time. I also worked at Michigan State for a year in 2012.

I’ve always had a natural affinity for MSU even before attending and working there. My first exposure was obviously through sports. My dad loved the University of Michigan, but I’ve always found the prestige, the self-importance, the elitism, associated with U of M football to be uninteresting. I’m much more interested in sports losers, especially losers who lose colorfully. And over the course of my lifetime, Michigan State has certainly delivered unique moments for sports masochists out there.

Oliver, though, has had a much different experience as he’s grown into a sports fan -- his only point of reference in his lifetime is Michigan State being a dominant, premiere football program while Michigan has been the program that, despite near-constant hype, can hilariously never get out of its own way.

Over the past eight years, he’s seen Michigan State consistently win rivalry games, win conference championships, compete for national championships and, after a down year, quickly reload and return to form. He has followed players he grew to love as Spartans make it and have success in the NFL and NBA. He has been to Spartan Stadium and the Breslin Center and regularly asks when we will go back. Nearly every chance he gets in school or in his spare time to draw, he draws something Michigan State-focused. He has memorized the fight song (okay … maybe not the words, but he definitely hums the beat correctly). He has talked about wanting to go to college at Michigan State. He dreams of playing college basketball there someday.

He’s done all of this at my encouragement, because of me exposing him to follow this university and this program, literally, from the moment he was born.

And now, the all-consuming thought I have, is how do I undo this? How could I fail him so badly?

* * *

I knew better. I spent six years as a sports journalist. I left that industry, in part, because sports journalism is often complicit in creating unworthy false idols, in trading puff pieces for increased access, in glossing over major character deficiencies in an effort to find the next “redemption” story.

Truthfully, writing about sports can be really rewarding work. But at the highest levels, the desire to deceive or create a false narrative in the interest of making obscene amounts of money is immense. And the NCAA is the worst offender of that concept, with universities, administrators and coaches making tens of millions of dollars by exploiting an unpaid labor force, often from the most poor and marginalized backgrounds. The incentive to perpetrate or cover up, sometimes with the assistance of friendly media, truly evil acts is extremely high in major sports.

I knew all of this. And I still indoctrinated my son from the moment he was born.

* * *

The evil that Larry Nassar was allowed to perpetrate at Michigan State and with USA Gymnastics is nearly incomprehensible, and yet it happened. It happened systematically, clinically, in a university environment that is supposed to be filled with enlightened people who are the most aware of the needs of victims, of marginalized or vulnerable people who speak up or ask for help, who are the most distrustful of institutional power structures.

Adding to the sheer horror is the fact that, as a current university communications professional, I can’t comprehend the heartless, completely lacking in empathy statements made by two university presidents, two prominent coaches and multiple board members. Resh Strategies already wrote an in-depth piece on the communications failings of the university. All I can do is fully endorse what they stated in their piece.

As a parent, I’ve had to look my son in the face and say in no uncertain terms, “Hey, daddy fucked up badly.” (Okay … so I didn’t say ‘fucked up’ to him).

I checked out on Michigan State athletics somewhere during last basketball season, after Tom Izzo said, among other things, “I hope the right person was convicted.” Which along with being about the most offensive thing anyone can say in response to the Nassar crimes, also makes no sense. As insignificant as quitting watching a team is, it was actually difficult. The team’s star player, Miles Bridges, is a beloved player from my adopted home of Flint. Their other stars, Jaren Jackson Jr., Cassius Winston and Nick Ward, were all hard-working, easy-to-root-for players. And, purely from an artistic standpoint, I love basketball. It’s beautiful and has resonated with me in a way few other things have in my life have since I was younger than my son currently is.

But as with any parenting fuck-up, it has also provided me with an opportunity to repair mistakes. It has provided the opportunity to talk to him about the overwhelming propensity of violence committed against women in our culture. It has provided me the opportunity to begin (as best as he can understand) conversations about consent, boundaries and respect. It has provided the opportunity to talk about what true leadership means by highlighting tragic, visible examples of failed leadership. I have been able to talk to him about the phony idea that “brands” of any sort -- university or otherwise -- are worthy of adulation.

He still loves sports, loves Michigan State sports, and I won’t tell him he has to stop. But, if nothing else, I have been able to reinforce that there are far more important things in life than sports. I just hope it’s not too late for it to resonate.

* * *

I have wanted to write about my anger at Michigan State for several months and struggled to find the words (and, truthfully, the time … out-of-nowhere needs of babiez absorb A LOT of intended writing time). I couldn’t summon the combination of rage and words necessary until John Engler, who was about the WORST possible choice for interim president of Michigan State, accused a Nassar survivor of receiving “kickbacks” and then feebly apologized for it.

Predictably, the still-hurt and angry MSU community as well as state legislators called on Engler to resign. Even more predictably, based on the consistent pattern of hubris displayed by MSU leadership throughout the Nassar criminal proceedings, Engler lacked the self-awareness to resign.

As a parent who wants my children to learn to exercise their own judgement, I won’t tell my son he can’t root for MSU sports teams. But I will provide him all relevant information. I will challenge him to think beyond “I like their sports teams.” As a person who will help my children finance their college educations, I would strongly object to them attending Michigan State without significant changes made to the university administration and board.

Ultimately, that sentiment might mean less to Michigan State than whatever their wealthiest donors or whoever they’re taking cues from are telling current administrators. As much as I would like to believe my sentiment is widespread, I am not confident it is. Less than a year after Jerry Sandusky was convicted of molesting kids for years at Penn State while administrators and the legendary football coach knew, the university boasted of rising applicants. After a sexual assault cover-up scandal at Baylor, the university quickly touted a record number of applicants. Michigan State has already bragged about its, “largest, most diverse freshman class.”

The bleakest outlook is that, even in the face of the absolute most horrifyingly evil circumstances, there is evidence that universities face little pressure to systematically change anything.

I can’t change Michigan State. But I can hope that enough parents with similar feelings about the university are initiating important conversations with their kids.

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