#also my coworkers keep being super petty at eachother and i do not have the patience to keep playing mediator

[snxpdragons]

the last two days have been like twenty dumpster fires and the only thing keeping me sane right now are my mutuals and awsten knight dyeing his hair. whats up with that

[iswearurnot-blog]

5/19/17 10:18pm

Aaron and I had a really big fight just now. I understand why he has to leave. And sometimes when we break up I think wow what am I gonna do without him. But I should also say there are 1000s things I can do without him. And there's a 10000 things I can do with him. It goes hand in hand. Ur independent. It's crazy how emotions are so fragile. They are so each to easy to change. So so so easy. Earlier I was like yay Friday night Ima spend the night eating pizza and watching movies with my future husband. And now I'm single gonna Netflix and chill by myself for a while now. And that's okay. That is okay. I always told myself before this you can not be dependent on someone else for your happy emotions. But isn't it so easy to rely on someone to make you happy 24/7. Why does it seem like I'm always the one to blame? Why does it seem like sometimes Aaron and I aren't meant to be? Maybe cause it is so. It's okay I understand why he needs to be away. That one was really bad. And I'll be okay. And he'll be okay without me. I don't understand why we have to break up because I called my coworker fine af and called him my work hubby but I'll never hear the end of it if we don't. Relationships have a lot of ups and downs and I never thought we had more downs. But I thought in the beginning all I had was to blame Aaron and keep breaking it off. But I've been really good being chill and letting shit rock. But now it's all me. And what I'm doing. I really didn't do anything bad. But now I'm single and it's okay. It's okay to be single. It's okay I was great before telling everyone and all my friends how great it is to be single. I'm not gonna delete our pictures for awhile I don't want to believe it's true I guess?. But I'm not gonna date for awhile too. Well plus cause I'm pledging very soon and I'll be a changed woman after so it'll be fine being single because I won't miss anyone during the process and I'll be with everyone after. There's a lot of Greek people that are single in the process right? Anyways it doesn't matter. I'll be okay and I'll be single. And independent. How petty I was today and not me I was. That was me like very super inner immature me that I never want anybody to see but it came out. And once it came out I couldn't stop. I high key wish he didn't leave. And spent another night w me like I begged him too. Idk but I think wants time and I'm not gonna force him to stay if he doesn't want to. And that's okay if he doesn't because we hurt eachother today. A lot and we need to recover separately. That's okay