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your-world-with-nct · 5 years

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𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 — 𝐳𝐜𝐥

➵ pairing: chenle x gender-neutral reader

➵ genre: angst, fluff, crack, one-shot

➵ warnings: cursing, negative mentions of body image

➵ word count: 2.5k

➵ summary: there was no other way to describe your relationship with zhong chenle than “twisted”. you were in love with him but all you could ever show him was anger and disgust, and it seemed to be the same case for him too. but when his words come out more twisted than they’ve ever been, you begin to question, could you ever untangle the mess you two were in?

➵ a/n: happy (late) birthday lele !! this was meant to be a short drabble requested by @yangerscheeks but i ended up falling in love with the plot idea and turning it into a one-shot for you guys hehe enjoy

game nights with the dreamies were the sole thing you looked forward to after a long week of work; it was the only thing keeping you going. chaos-filled evenings packed with competition, laughter, betrayal, teamwork, snacks, victories and losses, with your favourite seven boys - yes, the dreamies insisted on inviting your older brother, mark, to join you all every saturday night, when he wasn’t too busy - was the ideal way to spend time with your best friends and de-stress from the past week’s workload. from classic board games and party games, to the newest video games, you always enjoyed messing around with them and playing whatever the game of choice was that week. you loved everything about game night - except something, or rather... someone.

chenle was the only member of nct dream that never seemed to click with you, even from your first meeting 3 years ago; he either completely ignored you and acted cold around you, or irritated you every waking second of the day, teasing you in ways that crossed the line, and sometimes just blatantly insulted you (not that you didn’t respond in a similar manner to him though). you hated it, and you hated him.

you despised his illuminating smile, and his perfect facial features; you loathed his contagious, cute giggles; you disliked how talented he was and how angelic his vocals were; you detested his enticing nature on stage; you were disgusted by his family-oriented attitude and his close-knit relationship with his fellow hyungs; and you absolutely hated how he made your heart pound out of your chest whenever he was around you. you hated that you loved chenle.

tonight’s game was twister, and, unfortunately, mark couldn’t join you since he was abroad promoting with SuperM, which also meant that game night was a frenzy without a somewhat sane adult watching over you all.

“left foot green, ha! there’s no space left between haechan hyung and jaemin hyung, y’all are gonna fall soon,” jisung cackled from the couch, being assigned as the spinner for this round as he lost the last one.

the remaining players, including you, shifted to claim a green spot, whilst trying not to laugh at jaemin’s behind planted right in front of haechan’s face, “personal space won’t hold me back from winning, bitch!”

without a doubt, the room erupted into laughter, causing haechan’s stomach to tense up so much that he toppled over, “AHA! HYUNG YOU’RE OUT, YOU LOOOOSE!” jisung yelled from his comfortable spot, not feeling as embarrassed about not snatching a win the previous round, as his spluttering hyung stumbled onto the sofa with him, small wheezes of “minnie why” in between each of his heaving howls.

the euphoric feeling that surrounded the seven of you during moments like this was something you treasured, and you couldn’t hold back a chuckle yourself, grinning at the sore loser gripping his abdomen and cursing out jaemin for getting him out of the game.

“don’t worry, there’ll be another round, hyung. okay, now right hand red,” jisung announced, watching as you all struggled to get to the opposite side of the mat.

assessing the situation, you realised that the only way you could put your hand on a red spot was by extending your arm across chenle’s leg, and reaching over it. it was a risky move as you would be dangerously close to him, but, as much as you wanted him to fall, you knew that boy was extremely ticklish and would jerk his entire leg, which would probably end up with you joining him in being eliminated from that round. however, you took the chance anyway, hovering your arm over chenle and ensuring that you made no contact with him whatsoever.

you thought you could last until jisung called out the next one, until you felt jeno move his elbow underneath your gut, causing all the breath in your chest to flow out of you, and your whole body to fall to the floor, bringing chenle down with you too.

strained huffs left your mouth as jeno, jaemin, and renjun shouted in triumph having taken out two players at once. despite their loud whoops, you couldn’t ignore the annoyed grunts coming from next to you, and the snarky comment that came after it.

“my god, y/n, you’re so heavy, you knocked the wind out of me, and i think you broke my rib too while you were at it,” chenle mumbled out of exasperation, loud enough for you and the rest of the dreamies to hear it too.

usually, his remarks wouldn’t bother you at all, you’d brush them off, or make a casual retort, but, this time he had dug at a deep insecurity of yours, your self-image and your body. “aww, no, i’m out!” you announced, faking disappointment, and dragging yourself up from the carpet, “i’m just, i’m just gonna go, uhhh, go get a, ummm… a drink. yeah, i’ll be back in a sec, guys.”

you tried not to let the emotion show through your voice, but these boys knew you too well, they could already see by the forlorn look on you face just how hurt you were by what chenle said. turning towards the bathroom, you knew that there was nowhere else you could hide to let your new set of tears flow.

“wait, y/n, that’s not the kitchen-” was the last thing you heard from renjun, before you slammed the door behind you, sliding down against it and breaking down in your arms, as the spiteful words your own crush had said to you reverberated in your damaged thoughts.

“chenle, why... why would you say that to them? you know how sensitive y/n can be, you dumbass,” renjun let out an exasperated sigh at the younger boy, who was currently curled up on the floor, his face buried in his knees as he internally kicked himself for saying such a malicious thing to you.

running his hands through his chestnut locks, remorse evident in the action, chenle groaned as the other members contributed to renjun’s statement, which simply added to his already immense amount of guilt, “okay, okay! i get it. alright? you guys can shut the fuck up now, i know what i did. you don’t have to make it worse than it already is.”

chenle’s harsh tone shocked his hyungs, and so did the way he stormed out of the room, running off in the direction you went in before. meanwhile, even the said boy was surprised by what he said. what was wrong with him today? why was he acting like this? the only thing he could think of that was affecting him this much was you. you and your melodic laugh, your cute remarks, your enchanting presence - he was so caught up in admiring you that he could barely control himself.

‘no, chenle, that’s a stupid excuse,’ he mumbled to himself, as he came to a halt when he reached the door to the bathroom you were in, which he deducted from the choked sobs he could hear coming from the other side. the pain-stricken cries were a heart-wrenching sound to chenle, and, at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms and tell you how much he treasured you.

but, he couldn’t, because he was your enemy, because he made himself your enemy, because you would never love someone you hated. it was times like these that made chenle despise himself for freezing up around you and being selfish, for turning his irrepressible feelings for you into ignorance and hatred, for disregarding how he felt because it was too much for him.

chenle couldn’t keep doing this to you, and to himself; it was torture just watching the sparkle in your eyes dim every time he opened his mouth to say something to you, to hurt someone so precious to him. maybe, it was time to let you know how he really, truly felt about you, just, maybe, his words wouldn’t come out so twisted.

you didn’t know if it was your vivid imagination, but you swore you heard footsteps approaching, and you couldn’t stand knowing that one of the boys could hear you crying, with only a door to separate you. specifically if it was chenle, oh, you didn’t know what you would do if your crush, and nemesis, was outside, listening to you and your already low self-esteem crumble as you stared down at your shaking body, his cruel words resonating through your head.

it’s not as if you were unaware that you didn’t have the perfect figure, but it wasn’t something you liked to be reminded of, especially not in such a hateful manner. the fact that chenle’s physique was so flattering made you feel like you weren’t worthy of him, why would someone like him be attracted to someone like you?

hesitating slightly, chenle took a few moments to calm himself before his knuckles tapped against the bathroom door. you jumped at the distinctive rat-tat-tat sound, identifying the knocker as chenle; cursing under your breath, you swiped at your blotchy, tear-stained face with the sleeve of your sweater and tried to regulate your uneven breathing. with a few sniffles and a quick inspection of yourself in the mirror, you unlocked the door and stepped out into the hallway, the very person you dreaded to see stood right in front of you, his puffy eyes mirroring yours.

“y/n, i-i’m so so sorry, i just- i can’t even explain- i’m sorry,” chenle could barely speak, his words coming out in incoherent stutters. you had never seen him like this before, so vulnerable, so distressed, so genuine - it sparked something in you. you don’t know what made you do it, but you felt yourself enveloping the boy in your arms, letting yourself sob into his shoulder as you both held onto each other like your lives depended on it.

despite his confusion, chenle relaxed in your embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist and caressing you so gently as you both cried into one another. a strange, unfamiliar warmth crept into the two of you the longer you stayed entangled with each other, a blissful silence filling the air as you two rocked back and forth, trying to regain your composure so you could actually talk things out.

just as you were about to say something, you looked into chenle’s glossy eyes, which was enough for your mind to go absolutely feral with deprecating, doubtful thoughts. what if you had read the situation wrong? what if he was taking advantage of you? what if this was all just a stupid ploy, to mess with you? as you avoided eye contact with your crush, he cupped your chin in one hand, wiping the newest teardrops with his thumb, “shhh, don’t cry anymore, sweetheart, it makes me sad seeing you like this.”

those words confirmed the complete opposite of what you were thinking, and your jaw dropped as you finally connected with his chocolate brown orbs again, seeing pure concern and worry swirled into those beautiful eyes of his. “why, how come- why are you being like this, chenle? you’re never usually this nice,” you managed to say through a few snivels.

“because this is the first time that i haven’t been nervous enough to approach you and speak to you like a decent human being,” he pulled away from the hug slightly to look at you directly while he said this, to emphasise his sincerity.

“wait, nervous? what- why-”

“can i tell you something, y/n?” chenle asked, a subconscious pout forming on his lips as he waited for your answer so that he could continue. once you gave him a small nod, he intertwined his fingers in yours, clutching your entwined hands to his chest.

“i get so, so scared whenever you walk into the room, just seeing you makes my heart flutter at immeasurable speeds. when we first met, i just had no idea how to even talk to you, i was that lovestruck, that the first thing that came out of my mouth was an insult. and i guess that was my way of coping? with my feelings? mark hyung told me that i go all ‘panicked tsundere’ around you - and he’s not wrong.

“i like you, so much, that i can barely act normal around you. and i know that’s no excuse for what i said before, and for everything i’ve ever done to you, but i want you to know that you’re an incredible person and i’m so in awe of you that i literally can no longer function.

“i’m sorry and i know that you won’t forgive me right now, but i was just scared that i-i would lose you. i don’t know, i thought that if you knew i liked you, i would’ve scared you away and you would never talk to me again. i guess that you hating me was better than you not being in my life at all.”

every moment you had ever spent with chenle made more sense now, how his entire expression would change whenever he saw you, but his façade would fade as soon as your back was turned - he wasn’t trying to push you away,

he was trying to keep you in his orbit, without pulling you too close to him. you had always thought that you just had a twisted relationship, but it turns out that you were both too scared to say anything to untangle the mess that was the two of you.

“oh, lele, you haven’t lost me,” your use of chenle’s nickname brought a fuschia tinge to his cheeks, which caused the corners of your mouth to curve upwards by the slightest bit, “you never would have lost me, because i was holding on to you too, by that singular thread of rivalry we had. if you haven’t figured out by now, i like you too, dumbass. and yes, while i am quite hurt by what you said to me earlier, i can’t just pretend that i haven’t treated you in the same shitty way. i forgive you, and i wanna start again with you, chenle. and this time, you won’t lose me, i’ve got you.”

closing the distance between you two, you pressed your lips against chenle’s own plump ones, revelling in the euphoria rushing through your body as you finally kissed the boy you had been in love with for three years. it wasn’t exactly a fairytale kiss, it was a mixture of salty tears, clashing teeth, and a desperate grip on one another - but you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

eventually, chenle disconnected his lips from yours, his forehead still leaning on yours and his mouth practically ghosting over your cheek as he refused to separate himself from you, “i’ve got you too, y/n, never doubt that. and, by the way, you’re not ‘heavy’ or ‘fat’, or anything like that. even if you were, i wouldn’t care, because you are the most beautiful person i’ve ever met. i-i think i love you.”

“i love you too, chenle,” you mumbled before crashing your lips against his again. at last, you had unravelled your twisted relationship with zhong chenle, and you were hoping to keep it that way.

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