#also realized that im doing worse than i was when i saw her last in december

[scarletcomet]

my therapist agrees with me that i need more than 1 hr of therapy a week :\

[danswideslit]

slime video analysed thru horror with a queer pov

kay it gets its own post because im stil aaa bout it

This is just what I remember/was able to brush up on, since I studied this in 2019, so if anything is outdated I apologise, feel free to correct me, I love to learn!!

also I realized it has all become a lil rambly as I couldn’t contain my excitement soz

So this is my essay on the parallels of queerness in the horror genre and how DanAndPhilCRAFTS - Slime (2024) could be analysed in this light, especially given the creators’ personal history with the topic.

Among the classic tropes of the horror genre, is the topic of losing ones innocence.

Most emphasised is the loss of ones virginity, as a synonym for the innocence, although the innocence as such has many forms. As mentioned in Scream (1996), you may not survive if you have sex, if you drink/do drugs, or if you claim to “be right back” or in other ways investigate to satisfy your own curiosity.

The parallels to the christian church and societal norms are already obvious. If you deviate from the path of purity, it will lead to death and suffering. The only way to survive the night, is to stay pure. Do not be tempted by mere curiosities, for they will be the death of you, essentially.

In the same light, Baphomet is most often portrayed with characteristics from both the male and female human anatomy, and can be used as a metaphor for the inherent evil of gender expressions beyond the societal norm.

In the same light, monsters in various movies are often shown with a deviance in gender and/or sexuality. This role of ‘sexual outsider’ has, for years, been a symbolism that queer people have connected with. The has only further skewed the ‘stay pure’ narrative, as it brings on an ambience of kill or be killed. An either/or of sorts. But it has also made monsters and villains walk the line between sexy and terrifying, which naturally leads people to be enticed. We are sexual creatures afterall.

Often the monsters have an aura of masculine energy, as they make people cower, and the stereotypical jocks abandon their hardcore exterior. This, on one hand birthed the “the boyfriend is the killer” trope, but it also gave way for diving into morality, how many crimes can a villain get away with, as long as the character resonates with the audience.

This is demonstrated in Jennifers Body (2009) which was, at first, marketed to the male audience, making the monster Jennifer an attractive young woman, essentially getting the film marked as “Twilight for boys” by film critic Robert Ebert.

The ratings, however, were lackluster and claimed the movie was neither funny nor scary and thus was unsuccessful. Jennifer wasn’t “as hot as you’d hope she’d be” and essentially the “lesbians-for-the-male-gaze” marketing to boys 17+ failed. 

However, many women and young girls between 17-25 saw the character of Jennifer as empowering and resonated with the film. My theory is that the men did not like being the victim, being killed my something that they are supposed to be worse than. But the women saw a strength in the conflict between what is essentially two sides of the same existence - on one hand the rage of the injustice and gender inequality, and on the other hand Needy, who follows every character trope connected to the “last girl standing.” Except even she is tainted in the end, killing Jennifer and losing her innocence. (more talk about innocence, murder/virginity bla bla bla, okay but this essay aint about that)

All this plays a role in how the queerness of DanAndPhilCRAFTS - slime (2024) can be interpreted. Throughout all four installments of the narrative, Dan is seen being guided by Phil and scolded when he doesn’t do it right. Phil seems not at all surprised when Dans glitter face turns satanic, and by the third video, Phil hands the control over as he gives himself away.

Essentially, the indoctrination of Dans role in Phils devotion is cult-like. Cults are often hidden behind a facade of “found family” before the true behind-the-scenes terror is revealed. Dan is evidently comfortable in letting a more experienced person guide the way, despite his own hesitance. He knows that he cant do this halfway.

also the idea of Phil rising from the dead, during Easter… Jesus Christ, where would we even begin (lol)

But beyond that symbolism, It is the hesitance in Dans nature that seems to point to the “purity being tainted” horror trope. Phils devotion to Him is evident, but Dan seems more so to be devoted to Phil. A follower. Believing whatever Phil believes to be true. A Billy and Stu, Scream situation, if you will. The subtext of two lovers and the blurred lines of love and death, which has been analysed and discussed a whole while by smarter people than me. 

Dans hesitance to follow Phil guiding him to the other (queer) side. The penetrative stab and the menacing disarray of emotions on Dans face afterwards. This was anything but a selfish act, but he gave into the curiosity, he is not the last survivor, he has joined Him. This ritual was giving into love, without trying to contain, rationalise, or diminish any part of it. 

(Kind of how like dan, selfproclaimidly, would still be a ‘Daniel in denial’ if Phil hadn’t come into his life, because Phil ‘led him astray’ but he’s very okay with it and he has embraced it, and he’s happier giving in instead of fighting it?? Too far??)

[strwbmei]

Matchup Event

Matchup for: @dukemira

Matchups: Fu Hua, Firefly, March 7th

Contains: fluff, nsfw, creampie, mentions of bondage, mentions of choking, mentions of temperature play, soft sex, public sex, mentions of nipple play

A/N: Sorry for taking so long! Honestly, with Firefly's section, I have no idea how to bake so I apologize if anything is incorrect!

Ask: Long time no see I guess? Haha, anyway it's been a while and you look good, also congratulations for your 1000 followers! Okay I'll start. I will use Mira as the name, my mbti is INFJ, and my zodiac is Virgo. I'm a listener type person, I'm not speaking that much, unless the topic is interesting (or I like the topic) for me, I'll ramble so much. Many people see me as a stoic person, like I don't really care what happened later, or right now Even if it gets me in trouble. You could say I'm a hardworking person, I'll try everything to achieve what I want. If you don't mind, I would like to choose both. My first date scenario? Maybe we watch stars and aurora while drinking hot coffee and some snack (I like quiet place, irl I always go out at night like pm and go home at 3 in the morning lmao) it's just, so refreshing y'know? I'm indeed a dominant, and more into vanilla sex, soft, gentle. (Sometimes I wanna tie them up, and close their vision) (pls don't match me with male characters) The fandom Im in, honkai impact and honkai star rail.

Fu Hua

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Like you, Fu Hua often takes late-night walks to clear her mind. The day she decided to take a different route for a change of scenery, she had no idea that this choice would end up affecting the rest of her life.

: ̗̀➛ It all starts off as the both of you passing each other on a quiet, isolated street; things like you glancing at the woman the first time you saw her because of how rare it is to see someone else around these hours. The most you'd get were stray animals and the occasional taxis, and you liked it that way.

: ̗̀➛ Your overly carefree attitude towards life and Fu Hua's overly cautious and apprehensive nature perfectly balance each other out like yin and yang. Not one is greater or worse than the other; both are inseparable as are the sorrows and joys of living that you'd gladly experience with each other.

: ̗̀➛ Change is a fearsome thing. All of the insignificant differences come together until eventually, you realize that your surroundings have already changed beyond recognition. Fu Hua firmly believes in this, and yet, it was the same change that brought her to meet you. As such, you're also the one to introduce her to new things. It takes her a bit of coaxing, but she's willing to try anything as long you're with her.

: ̗̀➛ Generally speaking, the two of you have so many similarities and just as many differences. Somehow, though, you make it work. Not because you just happen to be the right person for each other, but because you want to make it right.

"Fu Hua?" Your voice breaks Fu Hua's train of thought. She'd been gazing up at the sky for a while now, reminiscing about the past as she does so. It's not something she particularly chooses to do the first dusk of every new year, but she always ends up doing it nonetheless.

"Ah, you're awake. Did I wake you when I got up from bed?" She turns to you with a somber yet warm smile on her face. Her gaze goes down to the two cups of hot chocolate in your hands and mutters a small "thank you" as she takes one of them. You shake your head in response to her question. "Mm. I just got a bit worried when I woke up and you weren't beside me."

"What are you thinking about?" You ask before taking a quick sip of your drink. The dark and rich taste is perfect for calm, quiet mornings like this. Last night was filled with celebrations and festivities, and now that they're done, the city has fallen asleep. The sun peeks out through the horizon to greet the start of the new year.

"It's nothing important. It always amazes me how quickly time can pass and bring change." Her gaze falls down onto the jewelry shop at the corner of the road. It used to be a small diner run by a nice elderly couple. They had a dog; a small Australian terrier named Winter. Ironically enough, Winter did not like the cold. She wonders where they are now and how they're doing.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence, the sunlight illuminating the unlit city. Fu Hua smiles at the sound of the dogs barking; it's the one thing that has stayed constant throughout all these years. She hopes spending mornings with you like this will become one of those things as well. "Happy New Year, my love."

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Very vanilla and traditional so Fu Hua thinks she should always be submissive, at least at first. She's open to trying out new things in bed. We all know that she'd be submissive regardless of her old fashioned mindset, though.

: ̗̀➛ Fu Hua is open-minded when it comes to kinks, so she's willing to try anything at least once as long as it isn't anything too extreme or unhygienic.

: ̗̀➛ She's really big on safe sex. Fu Hua is actually very educated on sex despite having little to no personal experience with it/things related to it, mostly because she's had to give her disciples "the talk" before.

: ̗̀➛ During sex is when Fu Hua is the most emotionally vulnerable. She accidentally slips out words that she'd be way too prideful to say in any other situation, says "I love you" a lot more than usual, and reaches out to hold your hands subconsciously.

: ̗̀➛ She can go for a lot of rounds, but afterwards, she's immediately falling asleep. She'll try to give you the best aftercare she can (even if you were the one on top,) with the energy she has left, but the most she can probably do is get you a glass of water and a towel.

"My love..." She sighs, desperate and needy. Her legs rest at either of your sides as your hips rut slowly and softly against hers. Slender, calloused hands rest on your back, clawing ever so slightly whenever you hit a certain spot inside of her.

The room is dimly lit with scented candles, your clothes scattered on the floor while sensual music plays in the background. A scene telling of the romance and passion between two lovers.

You adjust yourself to hit deeper inside of her, and Fu Hua sings. She sings your name like an angel gently comforting you with her embrace; soft, and loving.

Feeling yourself nearing climax, you groan her name and bury your face into the side of her pale neck. As if in unspoken understanding, her fingers reach out to intertwine with yours, and her legs wrap around your waist.

Your hips stutter, and you fill her deep with your cum. Her chest rises up and down as she catches her breath, and she looks ethereal. You're set on spending the rest of your life with her.

March 7th

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ You and March 7th are the epitome of the saying "opposites attract." Or so, people say. While that might seem true on the surface, you actually have a lot of similarities like two stars in different galaxies, shining with unique brilliance yet connected by the vastness of the universe.

: ̗̀➛ For example, the two of you like quiet places; only for different reasons. You like quiet places because you like being able to be at peace and be alone with your thoughts. March likes quiet places because she can often find you in them. She loves bustling atmospheres and the blinding city lights, but she loves you more.

: ̗̀➛ Her troubles affect her more than they seem to, and when she can't silence the negative thoughts in her head, it's you that she comes to for respite.

: ̗̀➛ There's something about you that makes March feel so... safe and secure. She feels comfortable telling you about things that she'd normally repress herself. You keep her grounded. You help her get through the bad times and replace them with good ones.

: ̗̀➛ You care for her and try to comfort her the best you can, but you don't really care about things like "who she used to be" and "what she even is." Human, alien, or even as an emanator, you'd love her all the same. What matters to you isn't her past, but the future that you can have together.

"Hehe..." March looks up at the new ring you bought for her. The cold, silver metal shines when the moonlight hits it just the right way. To her, its glint symbolizes your love and the future to come. "Do you really like the ring that much?" You ask since she's been staring at it intently ever since you first got it for her. Of course, you're flattered since you also chose it, but you know March can be a bit overdramatic sometimes.

March turns to you as soon as the question leaves your lips. "Of course! You bought it for me, after all." She smiles with pride. You chuckle at her reaction and pat her head. "I'm glad you like it, but don't dote on it too much. I can always buy you a new one, y'know?" You weren't exactly rich, but that ring wasn't exactly expensive either. It was just something you bought because it seemed to be her style.

"Sure, but every gift from you is special to me. Even if you get me an extravagant wedding ring one day, I'll still treasure all of the handwritten notes you leave me sometimes." You blush at the implications of marriage. Of course it's been on your mind too, but to hear March mention it so casually has you feeling a bit bashful.

"When that time comes, let's get a big house and a whole army of pets! Ah, but that might make it difficult for the express... What about 5? Or if Pompom allows us, 10?" You chuckle at her ambition. You can already imagine Pompom going crazy with cleaning all of the fur. Still, a future like that with her sounds quite nice.

"We'll get as many as you want, March."

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ She's not a stranger to the concept of sex, but there are a lot of things that she doesn't know about it. Despite that, or maybe because of that, she's always wanted to try.

: ̗̀➛ March 7th mostly bottoms--she counts on you to take the lead since you're more knowledgeable. She can definitely be the dominant one if asked, though. Top or bottom, her main goal is for both of you to feel good.

: ̗̀➛ Getting tied up and wearing nice lingerie are her favorite things! The intricate designs make March feel prettier, so she sometimes wears them underneath her clothes just for that confidence boost.

: ̗̀➛ She's up for it anytime anywhere mostly, but she's a bit hesitant to have sex in busier places. She likes it when there's a chance of someone spotting the two of you in the act, but she doesn't want to actually get caught. That would scar her for life.

: ̗̀➛ Loves it when you get more assertive. She loves how gentle and caring you are with her, so seeing a side of you that's so different gives her whiplash in the best ways possible.

: ̗̀➛ Her nipples are the most sensitive part of her body. She could have an orgasm just from you playing with them. A close second is her neck, though. Whether you leave kisses all over it or choke it ever so slightly, you're sure to get her gushing in her panties.

"I swear to Akivili, I'm going to kill you once all this is over!" March whisper shouts, turning to face you with an angry red all over her cheeks. Whether it's from embarrassment or arousal you're not sure.

The Astral Express had been invited to a fancy dinner, and as a result, you're spending the night mingling with the other guests; mostly the bigwigs of the planet you had just arrived on.

Or so, that's how March expected the evening would go. Now she's sat on your lap, legs spread as she gets fingered by you under the table. To others, you'd merely look like a young, naive couple in love, unaware of how her cunt drips slick and clamps down on your fingers.

Everyone turns their heads towards both of you when March whimpers in the middle of her sentence. She's quick to dismiss their concerns, and you chuckle at their cluelessness, saying March is just feeling a bit nervous.

You hold her gently by her chin and press a seemingly chaste kiss on her lips, swallowing her moans as she cums all over your hand. The rest of them are left none the wiser to the filthy acts the two of you are committing behind the scenes.

March hates how good you can make her feel.

Firefly

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Your relationship is one full of secrets, but neither of you really mind. You understand that everyone has things that they wouldn't want anyone else to know, and that being their partner doesn't make you an exception.

: ̗̀➛ She doesn't question you when you come home at ungodly hours of the day. You don't question her when she comes home smelling like smoke and motor oil. You rush into each other's embrace regardless of the day you had beforehand. It gives you comfort and warmth and makes you feel like nothing else matters other than being in your lover's arms and the steady beating of their heart.

: ̗̀➛ Her favorite activity to do with you is baking! Neither of you is particularly skilled at it, but she finds the experience therapeutic and wants to share it with you. Firefly also has fun experimenting with the recipe to see what works the best.

: ̗̀➛ Firefly is a very kind and gentle partner, but only when she's awake. When the two of you are in bed together, (which is very rare considering how different your schedules are,) she becomes a heartless monster who hogs literally all of the blankets and pillows. Yes, blankets with an s. You've tried to solve this problem by getting your own, but to no avail.

: ̗̀➛ Honestly, it'd be pretty easy to take the blankets away from Firefly since she isn't very physically strong, but you can't. She just looks so peaceful asleep like this (despite leaving you vulnerable to the cold) and you know that she's tired. Hell, it's probably been a week or two since she's slept this well. You just don't have the heart.

"See, all you have to do is place the icing into the bag and..." Firefly rambles on about the techniques she uses when decorating pastries, even going as far as to give you a live example on the cake rolls the two of you were currently baking.

You cherish every second of these comfortable, domestic moments with her given how rare it is for the two of you to have the whole day to spend with each other like this.

However, there is one problem.

Earlier, you noticed that she accidentally put salt instead of sugar when making the batter. Should you tell her, or let her taste the consequences of her actions?

As you're faced with this life-threatening dilemma, Firefly looks up at you with a concerned expression and asks, "Are you okay, Mira...? We can always do this another time if you want."

For a moment, you almost take pity on her. Thinking of all the nights she took all the blankets and pillows (albeit unconsciously) and left you without protection against the cold, you make your decision. This blanket hogger must be brought to justice.

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ It's good that you're more into soft sex because that's quite literally all that Firefly can handle. Seriously. Don't go rough on her unless you want her to get sent to the hospital.

: ̗̀➛ She can get a bit insecure about this and think that you deserve someone that you won't have to restrain yourself for during sex, but you reassure her that isn't the case and that intimacy isn't the most important part of your relationship with her.

: ̗̀➛ Due to how frail she is, it takes a lot of trust for her to engage in intimacy with someone. Chances are, you're probably her first time. She trusts you to not only make her feel good, but she also trusts that you'll be gentle and respect her boundaries.

: ̗̀➛ She's more on the vanilla side, but being physically weak doesn't stop her from having a few kinks of her own. For the most part, she'd be into getting blindfolded and temperature play.

: ̗̀➛ Whether Firefly is on top or not, she's way too gentle to ever hurt you, even accidentally. She's definitely the type to ask for consent/ask if you're feeling good every 5 minutes, regardless of how horny and desperate she might be.

When Firefly walked through the door with a sense of restlessness in her footsteps, rushing to take off her coat and straddle your hips as you sat on the couch, you already knew what she wanted.

Every time she's away at work (if you can even call it that) for a long time, she comes back all tense and desperate to please you. It's her favorite way to destress, she says. Still, you can never get used to your sweet and gentle Firefly being so... lustful.

Of course, you don't mind and you'd gladly help her take her mind off work, but the contrast in her behavior never fails to catch you off guard.

She buries her face into your neck, breathing heavily as her hands fumble for the waistband of your pants. "Pants, please?" You snap out of your inner monologue and help her.

Once she looks up at you, you can't help but notice the glint in her eyes. It's... different, and hungry. You can't help but be glad that you don't have to wake up early the next morning.

[hueningshaped]

★ limelight | c.yj

▰ genre: fluff and angst (sorta) - there’s a lot and nothing going on at the same time

▰ word count: 4.4k

▰ synopsis: you show up to one of yeonjun’s grand parties at his grand estate and you find you’re the only one who actually showed up + yeonjun is a big softie but has a bad reputation </3

a/n: i started writing this bc i saw this interview and it got away from me… i feel like a bad person for writing this but anyways im getting worse and worse with titling these things idk what to do hhhh also i realized too late that i made him to be like gatsby and i was too lazy to fix or elaborate that i apologize for this ! this sat in my drafts for far too long and well i just wanted something published >_&lt;

When the school year began, kicking off your first semester at this brand new university, you knew little to nothing about Choi Yeonjun and his reputation, let alone where your classes were.

From the chatter that always seemed to filter around you, no matter where you were in the campus, talk about this guy would range from little compliments to extreme accusations of things you’d never even dream of knowing.

You hadn’t planned on making friends or hanging out with said friends, so these internal affairs didn’t appeal to you. This was how your school career here was supposed to go.

Things changed when your schedule suddenly could no longer afford a certain class at a certain time, so last minute, almost two weeks in, you were thrust into an entire new class for this one elective.

Things further remixed when your professor practically forced you to partner up and form groups with those around you, much to your dissatisfaction. (You struggled to socialize, even if the matters at hand were merely for school.)

To your astonishment, Yeonjun was by far amongst the popular, or in high demand of other students wanting to partner up. You knew little about him, but it seemed even then he was a magnet for popularity. The situation just made you feel like a child again,

That day, when he and you made eye contact, you realized he was also remarkably beautiful. Tall, handsome, proportionate, pretty, bright, and surprisingly pretty funny. He had it all. He was friends with everyone. It just seemed that he was a star, the star.

Professor Kwon seemed to have had enough of these childish antics and decided to take matters into her own hands.

“Y/N,” she called, earning the eyes of other students. It seemed as though that had been the first time anyone had registered your presence. And not with open arms, might you add. “I see that you’re unfortunately running a bit behind, since you just transferred in, and that’s okay! To get you caught up and for extra help and guidance, I’d like you to partner up with Yeonjun. Yeonjun?”

If anything could be made from the way his eyes found and trained on you, you knew for a fact that Yeonjun stared.

He blinked owlishly before being met with your back once you turned away from him.

That had been the first chance meeting; class had ended before he could assume a seat beside you, the one where your backpack had been. Nonetheless, you had seemed adamant about spending as little time as possible with Yeonjun.

Life’s deck of cards did not fold in your favor.

He sat beside you everyday. Not only that, you realized that he was the type of person to reach out constantly; he initiated conversations, hangouts, discussion, complimented your nails or jewelry, even your stationary. The stark contrast between him and you left you with an odd taste in your mouth.

Weeks blurred into canvases of months, and you noticed more that he remained firm in his role to show you around campus, ensure that you were caught up, or that you were doing well, even if he would miss more questions on a test or quiz than you. It was puzzling, but a part of you welcomed it, even if you were set on not getting attached, especially to the guy that was everywhere—fashion club (in which he would model for the others quite often, for the arranged fashion shows, and if you could count how often he made you meet him there for group work, you’d be comfortably wealthy), pottery club, dance classes, culinary classes, etc.

It seemed inevitable that you’d come across him. A part of that was why you hadn’t been unable to turn down the party invitation he himself handed to you along with a humble bouquet of flowers and gift card for a cafe you had mentioned you enjoyed.

Despite the grandeur of the building before you, the bass of the music vibrating the walls, the stringlike straps of the gift bag in your hand weighing and drawing pained lines into your palm, the grip of an uncomfortably dressy outfit, you find yourself shocked at the revelation that you can’t bring yourself to leave. It would just take a few steps to perfectly turn away and start your descent. In fact, it would require an insanely less amount of effort to come down as you had come up.

Yet, the excuses that you’ve had kept in your pockets in use for lack of attendance were out. You’d lived your entire life this way, and it amazed you that even now, you were under the impression you were able to recycle the excuses that have kept you the way that you are: home-bodied, comfortable.

But at the same time, you wondered, if you were to quickly zip off into the sunset and just text him that something had come up, what exactly would you be missing?

A buzz from the elevator tethered and pulled you back down to earth. You could make a break for it, if you really wanted to. There was a cute cafe just down the street that you’d passed that seemed worth visiting; you could catch a seat in the far corner, so there wouldn’t be a chance in hell anyone could prove you were even in the area.

A tumble and click of the door’s locks whipped your head back to the now open door where you saw your beautiful classmate. The usual features jumped out to you: his height, piercings, luscious lips, that unnervingly gorgeous twinkle of the mole below his eye, and his heavy but welcoming cologne.

“Y/N,” Yeonjun called your name so cheerfully it took you by surprise. “You came.”

Now, with a change of setting, lighting, and proximity, there was more to meet your eye: he did his hair, the eyeshadow around his eyes was a brilliant idea, the subtle lines of his neck, the twitch of his now widening smile, the blush settling over the tips of his ears — since when did his Adam’s apple bob so much?

Reality settled enough now for you to see the surprising amount of illumination from behind his figure.

“Y/N,” he said again, a little weaker but still rich in enthusiasm, which made you laugh. That seemed to sober him up, too. “You came.”

There was something in his tone, in the lilt, in the almost hushed descent of volume that raised a nebulous implication. You opened your mouth to speak, but only for all words to elude you with his next statement.

“Hey, it’s like the first time seeing you in this color or something,” you looked down at your near-uncomfortable outfit with a frown itching your features.

“What makes you say that?” You asked aloud, unaware that your back was now to the closed door, and you were inside. A place that felt like what the second home of a millionaire must look like with the high ceilings, echo of your voices, and the shine of every surface possible.

He tilted his head, letting a few strands of hair fall over his brow before regaining composure.

“It really suits you. You’re really good looking,” your mouth went dry at that. Even if you could form a sentence, you weren’t sure of what to say. Who in their right mind said that so easily?

“Oh! Let me take that from you,” when he reached down to take the gift bag, your fingers jostled beside his, and it shocked you enough to shiver. “Wow, really sweet of you to have brought something.”

He said it more to himself, eyes twinkling and the apples of his cheeks so high.

As you followed and tried to keep the staring to a minimum, there was a pressing weight that wouldn’t leave you be. Even when a maid, you assumed, had helped you into a nice set of slippers (which you were going to definitely replace your other pair with), there was something off that you couldn’t quite your finger on. Not in a skin crawling way. Just something amiss, but you paid it no heed.

The music had significantly lowered from when you were at the front step, when the very beat had intervened your own heart’s, down to the minimal volume stemming still from the room you walked closer and closer to.

As you entered the kitchen, which overlooked what you assumed to be the living room and a living space that was about the same size as your own apartment, it all came to you. A little shudder itched down from your ears to your ankles.

There was no one else here.

Maybe you were too early. Maybe you got the dates mixed up. Maybe everyone just left, and you, by some chance, missed a large crowd going the opposite way you came. But, it didn’t change the fact that there wasn’t a soul in the suite.

Shuffling resonated behind you, along with a defeated, almost tired sigh. You turned to it, your heart stumbling at the means of the situation.

Yeonjun leaned his body against the marble counter. It lifted his cardigan off his body, so you could catch the gleam of his luxurious looking belt. Gucci, maybe? Something expensive, that was all you knew. Despite his fancy outfit, and the runway-ready look of makeup that was set on his remarkably beautiful face, it couldn’t shake the fact that his expression was downcast due to the matter at hand.

What a beautiful person. It seemed futile to even consider or humor the idea that no one appreciated Yeonjun—more than the objectively, unbiased charm of his appearance; his obvious abyss of money; his sportsmanship; personality that had to have been molded from a mother and father who loved their only son with all of their hearts.

Of course, people had to see beyond his pretty face, right?

“Yeah, I know,” he let out halfheartedly, chuckling with a pained smile: the sardonic tone was in reference to the lack of guests.

You weren’t sure what to say, really. It was clear he hadn’t an idea either, only choosing to state the obvious. There were dozens of pathways that could be taken on dozens of things that could be said in this moment. So, you opted for —

“What did you have in mind to do tonight?”

His smile only blossomed from there.

Aside from the buffet of food readied and arranged in a beautiful way on the table, which became of the object of most your stolen glances for the night, the fun for the night seemed never ending. There were drinks available due to a bar within the pool house, which was, of course, behind the actual pool, but that was hardly the beginning of all that was available to you.

You learned a lot about Yeonjun throughout the games and eating.

However, you felt that the starkest revelations about your classmate were made when the sun had officially taken its place beneath the clouds that were practically high tide. The moon was full enough that you could see its dimples and craters; this observation was enough of a distraction from the fact that the proximity between you two was nearly too close for comfort.

You and Yeonjun now sat at the edge of the pool with your feet in, a gentle breeze wading through the air and erupting ripples that would make the water lift a little higher up your legs.

The light chatter that had been resonating from the height of the games you had played or when you had snacked had settled into complete silence. Surprisingly, it wasn’t uncomfortable; this was something you’d come to put two and two together. Even when you both would study together, the bouts of quietude never felt unnerving to you. It felt natural.

Despite the serenity of it all, Yeonjun’s constant fiddling with his fingers gave you the impression he had something on his mind.

“This doesn’t always happen if you’re wondering,” he laughed cynically, kicking at the water. “I’m just surprised it was you that showed up.”

The longer you wait to assemble all that you wish to convey, it became easier to see how far his heart was traveling south.

“You didn’t think I was going to show up?” You asked and he choked lightly on one of his little laughs. It was moreso out of the fact you didn’t want to say anything he didn’t want to say.

“No, no… well, I thought you’d be the last person to ever show up for me. It means a lot,” he sighed again, and the air just became so taut you couldn’t ignore it.

“Yeonjun, is it okay if I ask why no one showed up. I mean, you invited the upperclassmen, too. And those guys practically worship you… You always go to their parties, but the one time you throw one and…”

Your words died in your throat. He craned his neck, stretching his neck as he leaned his head back. What a beautiful person.

He tilted his head to meet eyes with you, lids relaxed, but there was that smile dry of any hope. A drought.

“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you fall for that act, too,” he sighed, like it exhausted him.

“What ‘act’? Is-do you mean…” your words died in your throat, and at that moment, he glanced up towards you again, eyes unwavering in their almost cautious gaze. You cleared your throat. “What? They just use you?”

Your tone was a blunt pierce into his back. It could be seen in his wince that squeezed at his eyes. He nodded.

“I felt like you knew by now. I mean, everyone does,” he exhaled, kicking his legs around. A chill wracked his body. “Still doesn’t stop me from hoping, which I see now is pathetic.”

You stared hard at his cuffed jeans, chest filling endlessly with something as heavy as dread but as dense as remorse. You weren’t sure.

“That’s why you were surprised I came?”

A part of you cracked, like a glass of fine china getting nicked.

“I don’t mean to appeal to you for pity. I realize, again, I’m hosting my own literal pity party, and you’re the only guest,” he leaned forward, elbows settling on his knees to keel forward. “You must be so miserable.”

“Not entirely.” You tried to joke, but as soon as the last syllable left your mouth, you were hit with the piping hot revelation that you are not very funny. He looked up to you, face half hidden by his hair. Eyes dark with possible shock and dejection of your statement.

“I’m kidding, Yeonjun, I’m kidding,” you panicked. He deflated at that.

“It’s just that I honestly had the most fun I’ve had since I got to this school today. Pool party, food, games-I mean, literal games; like are you kidding me?” It was the truth. He sat up pretty quickly. “You said that this doesn’t always happen—what do you mean by that?”

Yeonjun lifted his hand to brush back his hair away from his face.

“Yeah,” he sniffed. “It was when I didn’t have the reputation I have now.”

“Reputation?”

He nodded again but more sullenly. His full lip jutted out, and you curbed the urge to almost coo.

“There’s lots of rumors, some are false. Rarely are they true. But, at the end of the day, when people see me, all they see is a pretty face, maybe, but they see a judgmental, opinionated snob with a lot of money,” Yeonjun paused and you looked at him again. “But, when you get to know me, you’ll just find that I’m a fool, innocent and afraid of a lot of things.”

By now, since the sun had officially taken its place beneath the horizon, his pool lights flipped on and bathed you both from underneath. Distantly, nightingales chirped their twenty something repertoires, unfurling their sweet notes to the darkened sky.

A moment passed before you felt like the song wasn’t in your throat anymore.

“You really are beautiful, you know that?” To your astonishment, he breathed a broken inhale, and he shuffled his posture and eyes around, as if shy from your statement.

“Do you really see me that way?” He asked, tone lifting in something close to hope. When Yeonjun looked at someone, and truly looked, you noticed his eyes shimmer, even by a twinkle at the least.

You nodded with a smile. He mirrored your response.

Another breeze nestled its way past your thin layers of clothes, which ignited a shiver from you. He blinked a few times soberly before immediately rising, water crashing and pouring down his legs over the edge. He now stood, hunched over with an extended arm towards you. Yeonjun looked to you expectantly.

“You must be freezing and uncomfortable. Come, let’s get out and get you in some warm, comfortable clothes.” If anyone else, in any other circumstances, had said that to you, they would have been met with hesitance; this time, you slid your palm into his and allowed him to pull you up and guide you to warmth, even if he himself radiated it in waves.

He knew how to take care of a guest, the way a great host would, even if he had maids, housekeepers, people looking after him. They allowed him to do as he pleased, and he was definitely pleased by taking care of you and helping you around the house as if you lived here.

After the initial shock of the most luxurious shower you have ever taken in your life, you found that there was a change of fresh, warm clothes for you folded neatly on the marble bathroom counter. Somehow, you didn’t hate it; it was just cotton sweats and a cotton t-shirt—both plain and gray, but you could tell they were new. Had you lived in luxury your entire life, you had a feeling these would be purchased straight from the mall, probably priced with triple digits, including taxes.

There was a hairdryer ready at your disposal, but you opted out, almost a little overwhelmed at the fact that every possible need or even want could be met so easily here.

When you found your way back to the main room (you were surprised that you hadn’t gotten lost), Yeonjun was in the living room, scrolling through Netflix mindlessly. Until he perked up at the staccato sliding of your slippers against his pristine floor.

He jumped and smiled as soon as he turned to you, full lips stretched welcomingly. Yeonjun had also changed attire—monochromed flannel over the exact same outfit you had on. The realization that you were matching made your ears and cheeks burn.

“Welcome back,” his tone was quite soft, said in a manner as if he had rehearsed it in his head a few times. “Was everything to your liking? And the clothes?”

You blinked at him a few times, returning a smile to ease his worries.

“Yeah, it was all perfect, Yeonjun. Thank you,” you walked around the couch to take a spot on the other side of the sofa, despite countless other sofas present around you. He immediately relaxed into the cushions at that. “Are you looking for something in particular to watch?”

He gave a short, little laugh: one that made you jump with how genuinely cute you found it. What an adorable guy. Yeah, that was what he was to you.

Apparently, he was looking for a film not on Netflix, so you spent a while looking on almost every streaming service. When it came down to watching the movie, he made sure you were comfortable and hopped off the couch to turn the lights off, even though the nearest butler had offered to do so.

Halfway through, even if the movie had you both confused, one of his many butlers had come in, crouched down to his level in between you to mutter a hushed, “Mr. and Mrs. Choi wanted me to notify you that they will be returning home in half an hour.”

His eyes twinkled again as he gave a little node, lips parting in understanding.

“Oh, okay. Thank you. Was there anything else they wanted to say?”

“No, sir. They had only called to give you notice, so as to not startle you.”

“Okay, thank you!”

He grinned at the butler, watching him walk out. When Yeonjun turned back towards you, you had lowered the volume by a lot and were beaming at him without realizing.

“What?” He asked curiously, and you snickered, losing the fastest staring contest you’d played in your whole life.

“That’s really kind of your parents to do that.” You said with a sigh, one that was done with your whole body. He tilted his head, quickly pausing the movie.

“Yeah, it’s no big deal. They might, um, ask you to stay for dinner or something. I don’t know. Don’t feel obligated to do anything, though. It’s just that - well - they encourage me to throw these parties. After all, it doesn’t hurt anyone.”

You couldn’t help but frown, furrowing your eyebrows.

“Well, that’s…” It was hard to find the words. “Again, that’s really kind. But, it does hurt someone in the end. It hurts you, doesn’t it?”

He laughed again gently, leaning his weight on an elbow and pushing his bangs back from his face.

“It does, but only because no one else has been coming since rumors spread and my reputation got worse. I think one day, things might turn around for me.”

You let out a scoff and leaned on the arm rest to which he perked, eyes shimmering warily.

“What?”

“I don’t get it. I don’t get how you’re still a nice, good person, no matter how unfairly treated—“

It was his turn to scoff, though there was no venom detected.

“I’m not that unfairly treated. I’m an incredibly privileged person, really—“

“Yeonjun, you deserve the world!” You raised your voice a little, and his eyes translated clearly the awestricken feeling that hit him straight in the face.

“Sorry,”

“No, don’t be sorry. Please,” he played with a button on his flannel before looking back up to you hesitantly. “It’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me — who meant it.”

The movie was quickly progressing, but you had hit mute, so the colors and light from the expansive television washed over you. It was a quiet moment, but it was nice. The two of you smiled at each other, and you weren’t sure for how long, but it had to have been quite some time, considering that that same butler entered again, this time turning a lamp on with him.

“Sir, your mother and father have called to notify you they will be entering within five minutes.”

Yeonjun bid his thanks, watching him walk away and returning his cat eyed gaze to you, to see that you were standing up.

“I should probably get going. I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

He stood with you, shaking his head with that ever present smile on his face.

“No, that’s… I promise that’s not true,” he cleared his throat, swinging one of his arms a little awkwardly. “I can walk you out to your car.”

Halfway to the door, he had even asked, “Are you sure you don’t want my chauffeur to take you home and someone else to drop off your vehicle?”

Of course, he was met with resistance to his question. Yeonjun noted to himself that despite all the silent fights and walls you put up with him, throughout your shared class and the last few months of school you shared with him, you were the one to tear down a few for him.

When you both reached your car, your heart quickened its pace and the ripples of its beat paced heavily in your ears, and you couldn’t figure out why.

Instead of the uncomfortable bag and clothes from before, you held a new gift bag with your belongings in it, but besides that, you felt you also carried a new attitude moreso towards your classmate.

“Well, um… Thank you for having me, Yeonjun.” You grinned at him, sweetly showed your teeth, to which he dimpled shyly, as if he felt sheepish about the red creeping on the tips of his ears.

After a brief beat of silence, his eyes confronted yours and he outstretched a hand to you.

Without thinking, which was probably a good thing, you slipped your hand into his, admiring the warmth and placement of his lines, the lengths of his digits, when he brought the backside of your palm to his mouth shakily. His full lips pressed a tender kiss that surged and electrified all the wires in your brain that made you shiver. He let go with another shy but sure smile.

“Thank you for showing up for me, Y/N.”

He watched you open your door after you had hesitated and struggled with the lock, but you hadn’t stepped in yet. Yeonjun arched an eyebrow.

“We should do this more often. Would you want to hang out again?” You asked, and his face dropped. What were those eyes thinking?

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat and nodded. Nodded again and another time after that.

“Sounds good. And since you have my number, we can text, too,” you smiled, and he also noted that it showed in your eyes this time. “Well, I’ll see you in class tomorrow, Jun.”

Even if the surface seemed as simple as a pavement, Yeonjun felt stunned, seeing the dirt, the ants, the roots of earth, the mantle of the world beneath his feet.

“Please text me when you get home safely, okay?”

You nodded, chest blossoming.

“I will,” Tonight would be the beginning of your real friendship with Yeonjun, who was now more than just your classmate. You vowed to remain by his side, to protect him, to cherish him, to put yourself out there for him in ways he did so naturally for you, to introduce new things to him, but most importantly, to be there for him.

Maybe you would finally be able to tell him how you feel since you don’t think you can imagine the next semester without him in one of your classes, but for tonight, and foremost, you would be his (first) friend.

“I promise.”

[ezlo-x]

god ok i need to get it off my mind or it will eat me alive or I will forget my actual thoughts abt it sooo here I go

Hi...soo this is me talking abt the current Dragon Tears that I obtained. Yesterday I got Dragon tear #5 and today I managed to get #6 and #7 and...yeah. I was originally planning to hold on my thoughts until I completed the Gerudo Region but what I saw in those memories I have things to say and idk how long it would take me to complete it so I'm starting with the dragon tear memories. (also sadly no in-game/cutscene screenshots this time around cause I kept forgetting and didn't took any </3)

So Tear #5 we got more to "know" abt Ganondorf. Where he apologizes abt what he did in Tear #4 to Rauru and Sonia. And I think I'm just going to share what I said last night abt it

Sooo I wasn't expecting this type of writting with Ganondorf. I obviously sound very emotional in these messages cause I was heading straight to sleep after I got the cutscene, I don't think totk Ganondorf is worse than oot Ganondorf. I think he's a different kind of badly written meanwhile with OoT I can cut him some slack where he's technically the first Ganondorf from an old console game yada yada. Also worldbuild of Zonai?? No? Ganondorf is just gonna casually throw that dialogue that Zonai were once gods or smth like that and never mention it again ok. And like I said in those messages I think what Ganondorf said abt Rauru marrying Sonia was so ughhhhhhhhhh like really? We're gonna make him racist cause you couldn't add depth to a villain really? And his motives abt wanting to become king is just...that he has no motives he has no reason on why he wants to do it just cause he's EVILLLL and he has EVILLL intentions OOOOOOOOOOO like fuck off. How is it possible that nintendo was able to give him depth in Wind Waker and then water down his character to "ummm cringe that YOU as a Zonai married a Hylian Woman you're a beta 🤓" Nintendo says, "we don't want people to like him or find him interesting he's the bad guy! make him say something racist and give him no clear motive on why he wants to do what he wants to do he's EVILLL you're not supposed to root for him!!"

But sure give him no motive on why he wants to do this other than being evil. Nintendo is honestly better off writing comedic villains with dark lore (Kohga) I knew that they would never reach WW Ganondorf levels of good but from what im seeing like wooowww

anyways to add a glimpse of hope Tear #6 came clutch w Sonia and Rauru. I loved the dynamic they both have with Zelda they're like parents to her...wah and I simply adored how Sonia mentions Link like a mother asking for who's that cute boy you've been talking to? and Rauru being so curious to meet him. This memory was so cute I would love to wish blissful of this family living happily.

Final memory I currently got is Tear #7 and ohhhhh this is the one that just drained me.

So Sonia dies, I was honestly like surprised or shocked idk I was not expecting it good ol gotcha moment. and YES I SAW GANONDORF'S NASTY SMILE THAT ACTUALLY FREAKED ME OUT LIKE EW

AND I was sad that we're not going to see Sonia anymore rlly loved her I was hoping for more of her as a character. But yeah I was in shambles when that cutscene happened, like once I got the cutscene I just closed the game cause I just wanted to process what happened.

And that is all I have, sorry if I sound more pessimistic and negative this time around. Just realizing where they are going with Ganondorf just put me into the 10 stages of grief. Looking forward more to the story and the characters just not Ganondorf

[mukamibabe]

What do u think karlheinz 3 wives or just cordelia would react to karl falling inlove with a guy?

Srry fot another request, im just rlly down bad for him

uhhh . ok. am i officially back? not uhh,, not really but all i know is: i can answer this one. whether i answer more, i have no idea- my amount of free time has run thin but i do know that i could do this pretty quickly. therefore! here you go!

no warnings other than.. the diamoms are.. the diamoms. they're not angels,, and uh cordelia is especially awful. that being said, tread carefully? i still never know how to warn about any works regarding this series bc.. it’s dark?? lol dl is it’s own warning.

cordelia is in complete denial. i mean, she can hardly believe karl loves anyone but her, and i highly doubt she took the news lightly. i also imagine her having a slight suspicion, because lets just say karl isn't exactly shy when it comes to spending time with his newfound love. sure, it might not be like.. extreme pda, but .. cordelia knows. she claims she does, at least. she thinks she knows this man to his very core, as he knows her. also, there's just.. something about the look in karl's eyes that makes her feel a sort of betrayal.

she keeps this info to herself for a while, but if anyone were to look closely, it won't be hard to realize that cordelia's being especially clingy as of late. it already hurts her pride enough, knowing that karlheinz has two other wives. but, for her beloved karl to be interested in a guy?? it's not something she could have even imagined, and it irks her more than anything. especially if karl's interested in a very .. 'plain' looking person. which is kind of hard anyways because cordelia has ridiculously high standards. will that stop her from trying to seduce them, though? definitely not.

cordelia will .. 99% at least attempt to sway the heart of both karlheinz (as per usual) and karl's love interest. and, if the seduction thing doesn't work on him? she'll make sure everyone in this messy situation is miserable. if she can't be happy with karl, no one else can be.

beatrix is shocked, but you will hear and see none of it. stone faced as always, no matter how she finds out of the news, she won't respond in anyways. deep down, i genuinely think she would be unbothered. in fact, she almost admires both karlheinz and his lover- it's a bold move. especially when there's so much... baggage involved. and by that, i mean : cordelia, christa + karl's millions of kids.

she's not supportive, nor is she against it. beatrix has always been one to stick to herself, and i highly doubt her and karl's new love interest will interact often, or at all, period, but truthfully, she wishes his new lover luck. she won't get in their way, but she knows there are others who will.

also i still.. i still feel that energy from her. who's to say she doesn't have a secret lady lover??? hm??

christa's heartbroken, but she would be no matter who karlheinz got with. she's .. going through a lot. like, a ton. it was hard for her to accept the fact that he had previous wives, but, with karl’s reassurance that she’s his true love, everything is okay. christa trusts karlheinz, at least, on some days, so .. there’s no way he could love anyone but her. i imagine christa being the last to find out, for some reason. i mean, i guess it makes sense because she’s kind of isolated and like.. locked away most of the time but.. idk. there’s also a part of her that literally will not process it. ..it makes her mental state in an entirely worse state than it was already, for multiple reasons. first, karl lied to her. did he? she is the one he loves the most, so why..?? ?why is she hearing all this stuff about him having a new lover?? with a guy, at that, too.. she’s in denial for the longest time but it’s also because she genuinely doesn’t believe it. hell, she doesn’t even know if she’s just hearing lies or not- even if she saw physical proof, i feel like she’d think she was hallucinating or something. 

once she’s past all of that, she shuts herself off. she’s completely heartbroken. empty. there was a part of her deep down that felt like karl never truly loved her, but at least she knew she was the favorite wife - again, as per karl’s reassurance.

honestly, if she were in a better mental state, i can see her genuinely worried for this guy. she loves karl, or at least harbors some sort of true feeling towards him, and her pity for his new lover isn’t out of hatred, it’s an actual concern. as much as she loves her husband, christa is very well aware that he’s never up to any good, and there is a part of her, deep down, that would feel bad for his new partner.

[tadpolesonalgae]

i know i have too many thoughts about cbmthy but i just saw that ask where op said they wonder how long until the ic notices reader is gone and it made me think as well. i've been giving them the benefit of the doubt for the last chapters but this ask just made go back to my "the ic is being mean to her" bullshit. i love the ic but in this story i really feel like they need to step up with her and i hope they apologize when she comes back. i've seen you say you don't mean to make the ic neglect her but they do. and even if she herseld doesn't see it as being neglectful it is. just because she likes being alone it isn't enough reason for how isolated she is from them and i get that she doesn't wanna be a bother so she didn't want to say anything to them but her being comfortable going to eris just makes me not want her to go back to the ic permanently. i think the worst is that this is years after she got turned so she's been in this state for years and no one did anything, like i know they had their hands full with wars and nesta and nyx and koschei but it's not fair that they just ignored her in favor of those problems and even worse that she was always the one being left behind. with the way you've written her it wouldn't take more than a good look at her to see the mess she was in. i remembered the conversation between nesta and elain too so i know the ic or at least nesta want to do something about her but elain was wrong by not letting her. i'll stick with my opinion from the last chapter too though, her dipping on the ic is also bad on her part as well because it's a shitty thing to do to her family but that just makes me go back to the core issue which is her and the ic don't trust each other or even look like they care much for each other, they don't act like they're family.

i know this is a popular opinion but i really think that after she heals and grows it would make more sense for her to stay with eris than with azriel. she wasn't thriving at all in the night court and there's not really much of a reason or even tension between her and azriel, it just reads like she loves him out of habit, like she always had that crush on him and since she hates change she won't let go of it even if he hurts her. but i know you said you wanted her to stay in velaris and be with azriel so i just hope you take into account that these people couldn't help her when she was at her lowest and treated her like a second thought so when she comes back healed and stronger you kind of have to be careful of how you write things so it doesn't seem like they only care about her now that she's strong and useful. also with healing come a lot of realizations, the most important being the people who helped you and the ones that didn't so when she finally reaches that stage i hope she tells the ic exactly that. i also see the ic having some trust issues with her though, they don't trust eris (for good reason too, eris kind of makes sure of it) so when she comes back after hiding so much from them and from being with eris it's normal for the trust issues to come

im sorry if i talk too much about this series but i can see myself in some things and it kind of hits harder for it. also tell me if im being pushy because im genuinely just trying to get my opinions across not trying to make you feel like you have to write this or that a certain way - 🧶

‘i know i have too many thoughts about cbmthy’

You literally don’t, I love getting to hear all of them so it’s not too much 😭

‘i just saw that ask where op said they wonder how long until the ic notices reader is gone’

Honestly it’s going to be pretty promptly because of the whole magic and prophecy situation? With Azriel knowing what he does now about how her power hurts her, and that she’s going to kill him, it would be weird for him to not call a meeting with the rest of the IC, which then will lead to Azzie realising she isn’t in the HoW and going to search for her :)

In regards for how long it’ll take for him to find out she’s actually gone to the Autumn Court, I’m going to try and have it also happen in the next chapter because otherwise I feel like that could be the story beginning to drag again and I really do not want that 😭

‘i've been giving them the benefit of the doubt for the last chapters but this ask just made go back to my "the ic is being mean to her" bullshit.’

Okay this is so difficult to respond to (for spoiler reasons, not emotional ones) but there is some casual stuff going on in the background that’s keeping them a little away from her? Also since they trust Elain’s judgement on reader as the one who’s closest to her, because Elain made a bad call about what she needs, that’s also getting in the way and contributing to how the IC act around her?

‘i love the ic but in this story i really feel like they need to step up with her and i hope they apologize when she comes back.’

I have actually already begun to write this scene! The idea for the dialogue came probably around a month and a half ago and I’ve just been adding bits and pieces to it since then to help me try and prepare when the time comes for that part of the story to unfold? Either way it’s probably going to be quite taxing for everyone in that conversation so it’s a little stressful to write, but it’s got to happen eventually so things can start looking up after so long 🤦

‘but her being comfortable going to eris just makes me not want her to go back to the ic permanently.’

This is actually one of the few topics in cbmthy that I’m excited to write/discuss? There’s hopefully going to be a patch of dialogue where Eris brings up how messed up that is (satirically, of course🙄) and that will be touched on! I’m both hoping and not hoping that it’s something some other people will be able to understand since I think it’s kind of difficult to explain why it’s sometimes the case one doesn’t want/feel they deserve help?

‘i know they had their hands full with wars and nesta and nyx and koschei but it's not fair that they just ignored her in favor of those problems and even worse that she was always the one being left behind.’

With this theme it’s going to be kind of difficult, because for this particular issue to be resolved it’s going to take reader understanding that she didn’t deserve that, whether it was intentional or not, and that is going to be a big step for her.

I think it’s quite simple to be angry or upset on other people’s behalf, but standing up for yourself can be so difficult when you don’t want to be seen or cause a mess? When others are being treated badly it’s obvious that they don’t deserve it, but when you’re the one on the receiving end it’s so easy to slip into the mindset of “it didn’t hurt me that bad” or “I don’t want to overreact to something small” so reader has to first overcome that before she and the IC can have that talk?

Even if the IC were the ones to initiate that conversation, we’ve already seen in part 6 when Azriel tried to apologise that she just cuts it short because she doesn’t feel like she deserves that, which is why I think she needs to go spend some time with Eris for a little to get a blunter point of view! 🧡💛

‘i remembered the conversation between nesta and elain too so i know the ic or at least nesta want to do something about her but elain was wrong by not letting her.’

Honestly whoever suggested the multiple points of view really saved the day with that one 🫣

Elain didn’t make the right call with that, despite thinking it was what was best for her, which just adds to the pile of issues building between reader and the IC, so there’s a lot to deal with already without the mess of her magic, Eris, and some other things on the IC’s side. Also, while there is going to be a conversation discussing the whole Eris thing, obviously it’s not all going to be magically resolved after a single chat, no matter what? There’s still going to be a lot to sort through between her and Azriel after the Eris moment happens, so that’ll be a boat load of fun to tackle 🫠

‘i'll stick with my opinion from the last chapter too though, her dipping on the ic is also bad on her part as well because it's a shitty thing to do to her family’

I’m glad you’re keeping that stance because yes the IC hasn’t been great with her, but she also has just made a pretty bad decision to deliberately go straight to someone she knows they have bad blood with (and for good reason as far as we know from the books)

‘it just reads like she loves him out of habit, like she always had that crush on him and since she hates change she won't let go of it even if he hurts her.’

That is a big part of Can’t Bring Myself To Hate You—the whole doing things habitually without questioning it? Her beginning to make her own decisions and come to her own conclusions (and making mistakes in the process) is something I’m personally enjoying getting to write about (even if it isn’t the best)!

‘so when she comes back healed and stronger you kind of have to be careful of how you write things so it doesn't seem like they only care about her now that she's strong and useful.’

That’s something I’m worried about, but she does have a lot to work on and heal, which her and Az should get a chance to work together on and have some moments of realisation 🧡💛

‘im sorry if i talk too much about this series but i can see myself in some things and it kind of hits harder for it.’

I literally love getting to read your thoughts on this story. Not only is it helpful to hear things you like or things you’re concerned about (like the Eris mess, and fair enough) but it also makes me so happy that you’re so engaged with it? Like that you want to talk about this fic and are interested in it just makes me so happy to read and reply to 🧡💛

[milaswriting]

mila hi i know this is super late but i finally played chapter nine and PLSJSJWISBWIZNZKSHZJ IM SICK IN THE HEAD WHAT WAS THAT 😭😭😭😭😭 IM NEVER BEATING THE WHORE ALLEGATIONS

no cause p’s rooftop scene made me so ill like “which part, the fact that we’re here together or you’re the first person i’ve ever brought here?” ??????? P WHY WOULD SAY THAT TO ME AND EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL 😭😭😭😭 and at the party when you fix their collar and they hold your hands in placeemsjejdjwkxjwkwjsk 💘💘💘 p top tier ro fr no one’s doing it like them

and the library scene with k “you’re an all right vampire” “you’re an all right human” infhdhdjsbsjs giggling twirling my hair kicking me feet i usually go for the shy flirt options but that was just too good i’m a huge sucker for banters like that 😭😭😭 and when i tell you that as soon as i saw the choice to fix their curls i’ve never picked an option so fast LMFAOOO that is literally my dream interaction with k 🥰🥰 also my heart broke a little when they apologized for the compulsion again :(((

also b being an empath and absorbing emotions….. 💔 i realized i haven’t used kirsten in a b-only playthrough so i did this time and realizing that they both have a tendency to be a people pleaser highkey made me sad 🥲 and not to hc dump but mid to deep friendship stage i think maya would make blaze promise not to absorb her emotions ever again and just let her be sad

but anyway !!!! b not turning around in the necklace scene was so fucking insane of them like “it’s easier and more polite to compliment you when i’m looking at you” ok????? so kiss me????? 🙄 and when they pull mc in for a dance dnejakqKEKAKWKSJSBAKA “is that coupley enough for you?” “you know the answer to that is a yes” B SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP 😣😣😣😣

that said, i think a owned me this chapter KSKDKSKS no cause i legit didn’t know what to expect in the flirt scenes with them. their route def gave more than it was supposed to give 🤭🤭 and maybe i just missed it in the prev chapters but is this also the first time a addressed mc by their first name?? 👀 but yeah i did something right by making loren bold as hell because THE BOLD FLIRT OPTIONS WERE SO SCRUMPTIOUSJSJSNS when you give them a rose and they say you’re the first one to do that and the training room scene when you tell them you wanna get to know their talkative side more and they go “maybe you’ll get lucky” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 “i’ve seen humans go to the grand royalton looking much worse” LIKE A BARE MINIMUM COMPLIMENT GOT ME BLUSHING IM SICK!!!!!!! also when a was like “oh” at the party and mc just goes “oh? OH?” PSLDJSJ THAT WAS FUNNY

also i love zeren sm <333 as soon as she mentioned she knows tristen i made sure all my golden girlies dated him for the extra drama 🤭 but yeah chapter 9 was too good i can’t stop thinking about it hssznjsbwjaj i’m literally so in love with all the ros i can no longer live one more day being single

I’ve read this like 6 times this morning, and I’ve taken screenshots of it so I think that shows how much I love this ask! I really love the fact that you liked chapter 9, and I love getting your reactions to stuff that I write, it genuinely makes my day—I could and will read them like the morning news. Ooo, alongside all your headcanons too!!! I love reading those, they very much change my brain chemistry, like tell me everything single goddamn thing about Loren, Lira, Kirsten and Maya !!!

Alsoo, Zeren was very much a last minute character that was created and I love her, and I’m glad someone else likes her because I personally think she’s a delight <33

But yeahhh, here’s my screaming about you and my ocs, and thanks so much for reading the latest chapter. I hope to bring another one very soon <333

[peanutblowandjobsandwich]

anxiety really is so senseless. i was still in pain probably even more when i got to uni so i didnt go straight to the building w/ my class bc idont usually anyways n i wasnt sure if i was gonna skip class anyways. but i was feeling so ill even if i skipped i likely wldnt hv done anything productive so i went late. n the joy the new teacher wasnt there she was running late. so the regular old teacher had us discuss in pairs as he usually does n oh the person im most comfy speaking with was there so we discussed n like it was good on my part i mean not fluent but a lot better than my stumbling n blanking out and i had ideas and was able to respond to her and it was an actual convo. now while we are discussing in pairs the regular teacher joins each pair to discuss w/ them hear their ideas make corrections etc it's all chill. he was coming by our pair last. oh no longer joy like 20 mins b4 class ends n right as he wldve come by us the new teacher walks in. there were two remaining pairs he took the other set and left her with us. instantly i became closed in i cldnt look up started fidgeting cldnt speak cldnt think. my 'fluid' 'elaborate' responses from b4 became short and with pauses where i blanked. i felt so bad bc it was so obvi n i cldnt look at her at all. n it was like none of tht was intentional i felt so stupid god. and worse yet my pair was getting along with her so well so she ended up just mostly looking at her tho still adressing us as ustedes and i managed once to offer up a short not asked for comment tht was relevant to the discussion sigh. then she saw my socks bc yh i wear colourful socks n she said she liked them n i felt worse bc i cld just mumble thank you sigh. ugh. whatever im not going next week bc i wont be at uni so it's fine. it's just ugh like ppl are always like just speak just do this just do that. ANXIETY IS NOT THAT FUCKING EASY DIPSHIT! and it feels stupid being aware n feeling your body and brain go thru these changes suddenly and not be able to do anything about it like sigh. and it's literally just like she's new and i didnt expect tht so it caught me off guard last week and then she went on to embarrass me in front of everyone so like now there's def anxiety abt tht encounter. but it's still like i just need some time to get accustomed to her. after taking so long to get accustomed to the class with the old teacher yk. like yh hving a brain tht works differently than the situational norm is frustrating fr. and she's also the type of teacher tht makes me anxious bc she's very loud n expressive and jokey which is nice n all but that's not me with my flat affect n takes too long to understand the joke or not realize or react as expected when smth is directed at me in a light hearted jokey manner. which makes me feel worse n like i am notably putting a damper on the class even tho it's not intentional it's just who i am. it's not to say i dont appreciate the atmosphere i just cant participate in it sigh. whatever.

[princessjungeun]

lily as your girlfriend

*i was thinking of her today and i needed to post something…i’ll edit for spelling and grammar eventually*

🪷 you sat in front of her in geology lecture which you didn’t actually know but lily very much did

🪷 which is also how she ended up failing the first quiz…she was too busy staring at you

🪷 she wanted to introduce herself but chickened out every time she got close enough to do it

🪷 so she just crushed on you from afar

🪷 that was until you both went to the first LGBTQ+ alliance meeting on campus and she saw you

🪷 and coincidentally you sat next to her which made her NERVOUS. like so nervous that your first conversation went a little something like this:

🪷 “hi im lily” “oh hey i’m y/n” “i know- wait no that sounds creepy- i know as in you sit in front of me in geology lecture so…i know you from class” “oh really i didn’t even know, that’s so cool. maybe we can study together some time” “i- yeah- i can- we can…yes please…i’m sorry that entire conversation was so awkward….” “it’s okay, you’re cute”

🪷 yeah that last part had her face RED

🪷 you two did in fact become study buddies for geology which she learned was a topic of interest for you

🪷 so a lot of the times when you two studied you went on little tangents about rocks or geologic processes

🪷 and even though lily understood 10% of whatever your spiel was about, she listened and gave her full attention with that loving look in her eyes

🪷 because although she had no idea what the fuck you meant by ‘a‘ā and pahoehoe lava flows, she was more than happy to hear you talk about them

🪷 lily ended up confessing first and it was so cute because she didn’t realize she admitted it when she did

🪷 she was shocked to find out you liked her too because she was convinced you were out of her league or something

🪷 it took half the semester for you two to get together though because you were those “i need a girlfriend” “yeah me too” *doesn’t do anything about it* gays

🪷 but you two were cute together

🪷 you two explore around your campus and off campus all the time

🪷 so many picnic dates

🪷 even more bookstore dates

🪷 she’s not huge on PDA as in like kissing in public is a no

🪷 but she will hold onto your arm as you walk or she’ll hold your hand

🪷 she does this thing where she gets super shy when you look especially gorgeous— like she’ll look at you then start giggling and covering her face then she’ll look away and it’s that over and over while she is telling you that you’re too beautiful

🪷 you do the same thing but it’s more subtle and it catches her off guard every time because you find her most beautiful when she’s not trying

🪷 like she’ll be writing notes on the other side of her room and you just go “lils look at me” and she does and your eyes go soft and you���re all “you’re so beautiful” and she’s all “🙈 naur dont do that while i’m doing homework”

🪷 you’re both total bookworms and probably the dorkiest people your friends know

🪷 one time her best friend jiyoon invited you both to double date with her girlfriend and you both declined because you were in a HEATED game of scrabble

🪷 then another time you two had a friend intervention because you were both pulling all nighters to read novels. all because lily claimed she could read more books than you in a month.

🪷 you both tied for 5 novels in a month and have yet to reach a tie breaker after 2 years.

🪷 she makes so many corny crunchy annoyingly embarrassing dad jokes that are SO bad it’s actually impressive

🪷 both of you use cheesy ass pickup lines on each other just to see who can do it worse

🪷 she will randomly text you things that remind her of you but it’s never all cute and fluffy like you see in tiktoks or tweets

🪷 one time she sent you a picture of a praying mantis and said it’s face reminded her of you and you replied ???? thanks? and she was like you’re welcome :D

🪷 both of you love movie nights and have had like 40 harry potter and star wars marathons

🪷 she’s not a theater kid but she loves watching musicals

🪷 she’s made you watch phantom of the opera so many times now that you know it all word for word

🪷 you never made it through the first hour of the sound of music because you fall asleep every time

🪷 it took nearly three months for you to learn that lily can SING

🪷 she mentioned it once when you very first met her but all she said was “i sing a little when i’m alone in my room”

🪷 when she said that you expected a little song on a ukulele

🪷 you went expecting her to completely obliterate you in karaoke during a LGBTQ+ alliance club sponsored karaoke night

🪷 she was all shy when she said she was going to sing empire state of mind and next next thing you know she had the whole room silent

🪷 lily steals all of your hoodies but she gives them back in exchange for a different one

🪷 you don’t mind because they smell like her which is comforting…plus you steal her beanies so you can call it even

🪷 pinky promises

🪷 matching bead bracelets you made at 3 AM on a tuesday just because you wanted to have something matching that you made for her

🪷 cuddles are her favorite thing

🪷 when you sleep you hug her closer to your body which makes her so giddy she feels like she’s gonna burst

🪷 weekends are her favorites for that reason— you waking up next to her with your legs tangled together and bodies pressed against one another like puzzle pieces that fit perfectly into place

🪷 and you just end up giggling and kicking each other lightly after waking up

🪷 even when you both feel like you look the most bummy— in the morning with messy hair and crust in your eyes— that’s somehow also when you both think the other is stunning

🪷 you two use pet names but keep the typical ones for private only

🪷 so in public lily is quick to call you “gremlin”

🪷 but when you’re home she’s right back to “my love” or “babe”

🪷 you will call her something like “hobbit”

🪷 when you’re home you call her “jin” which is only acceptable from you

🪷 she’s quick to playfully hit anyone who calls her jin but when it’s you— something about the way you say it makes her all soft and mushy inside and she doesn’t understand it but she loves it

🪷 she get all embarrassed when you call her “baby” so you only ever say it when you two are alone and even then it’s just a mumble against her lips before you kiss her or right when you’re saying goodnight

🪷 you’re her first everything and she is yours too so things are definitely awkward and wrong but you both figure things out eventually

🪷 it’s cute though— your first kiss was just you both asking “is this okay” then going in for it then shying away until literally having to do a 1-2-3 count for it and after you two fell out laughing because you were so scared over something you realized wasn’t all that scary

🪷 all in all you two just enjoy the bliss that is young love. holding onto one another’s hearts and promising not to let them go.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

(1) Good morning/afternoon/evening/night! I hope all is well and that you're doing good^^ I love your writings for Lookism and I don't think you should be so hard on yourself! I like the way you chose to characterize whoever you're writing about. What I like specifically is the way that you 'soften' up characters while also still keeping them in character that makes them feel like 'them' so relax and enjoy writing because I think it's great😊

caring (gun park x reader)

details: fluffy drabble, gender neutral reader but written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and gun are coworkers/friends and he's crushing on you

summary: gun is sick and you look after him when you can to make sure he recovers well; he also spends some time re-evaluating how he feels towards you.

a/n: hello, im doing well~ hope u are, too!! also AAAA thank u so much, anon T_T 💓💓 ur words mean the world to me !! next time i feel bad about my writing, i will think about them and any other nice stuff ppl have said about my writing <33 !!

as for ur request; thank u for requesting~ i've decided to try to mix your two ideas (sick gun + realizing he's in love), i hope that's alright!

×

There were two knocks on the door.

"Come in." Gun didn't have to look up from his book to know it was you who swung open the door. His prediction stayed true as soon as you spoke.

"Are you feeling any better?"

He turned to you to give a nod of acknowledgement. "My state hasn't changed much since you last checked in on me a few hours ago, but I do appreciate your check ins."

It sounded as if you made a sigh of relief. "Ah, okay." Your expression shifted from seeming uncomfortable to an awkward smile. "I mean, at least you're not feeling worse. And thanks for saying that, I was worried I was being overbearing."

"You're not."

"Oh."

The silence that followed his reassurance made Gun realize what he said probably wasn't enough to wash away your worries, so he added with a small smile, "I mean it. Thank you for expressing concern, even if my sickness is mild and nothing to worry about."

His heart warmed at the sight of you brightening up. "How can I not worry about a friend?"

Ouch. He wouldn't have blinked an eye at the word months ago but now that he was beginning to see his developing romantic feelings, there was a lot he wanted to change about the relationship he had with you. He knew better than to rush into things though, so he kept quiet and decided to be grateful that you even viewed him in a positive light.

"I'm sure I'm the last of your friends who needs worrying about, but thank you again," Gun replied with a chuckle.

You just lightly laughed along until it felt appropriate to transition into, "Alright, well, I don't want to disturb your rest anymore so I'll be heading back. Still have work to do, too."

"Is that so? Good luck."

"Thanks!" You started to shut the door but then stopped to ask, "Um, is there anything you need before I go? I can grab you a meal or something."

Gun hummed in thought before shaking his head. "I'm not so sick I can't afford to get up and make a meal myself. I'm just resting in bed because Crystal isn't going anywhere today, therefore doesn't need me around to be her bodyguard."

"I know, but..." He watched in amusement as you struggled to come up with a logical response. "Just... don't overexert yourself, you know? Because you're sick?"

"Right." Gun waved you off, the look of amusement on his face growing into a teasing smirk. "Go on, now. You can come check on me later again like you've been doing if you're that worried, nurse."

"Nurse..." You shook your head as you muttered the title, but a smile was on your lips. "I'll be heading off then."

Gun gave you one last nod before you left. He sighed softly when you did, and turned to the window. As he stared at the clear, blue sky, his mind wandered.

Things like realizations don't exactly come to someone like him. Instead, he took note of everything he saw and made predictions until what he observed could turn into a conclusion backed by evidence. It was a mindset that stemmed from his youth, from almost always being in life-or-death situations; making a mistake or overlooking hints could cost his life.

But this mindset was useful for the simpler things in life, too. Like knowing when Goo was up to no good. Or coming to terms with the fact that he held more than platonic feelings for you.

He wasn't confident enough to admit what he had was a crush on you, but the evidence he noticed was pretty damning. Including when he felt weirdly hurt at being referred to as your friend. But again, he didn't want to rush anything.

It'd take a while before he could confirm anything, so for the moment, he would just treat you the same as always.

...Maybe with an extra flirty comment here and there to see your reaction.

[larnax]

love when hornet is just like. hey im sorry i called you a little shrimp bitchbaby i didnt realize you were just short...

SURPRISE! YOU'VE BEEN TRICKED INTO READING HK META

so an important thing to understand about hollow knight is that one of its themes is stagnation, things being frozen in eternal stasis unable to ever improve doomed to atrophy without ever being allowed to die. the Infection eternally reanimates corpses, never letting their souls rest as their bodies are repeatedly destroyed and returned again. the pale king's plan to "save" hallownest, rather than getting rid of the infection, instead freezes the kingdom to be always in the same state of ruin. hallownest stands eternal, its inhabitants' aging forever stalled, while the outside world it's isolated from moves on and it becomes distant past for them. this is made obvious by lemm, who cannot even comprehend that what he views as ancient historical figures actually live in the same kingdom as him.

this is actually why ghost killing the dreamers makes the kingdom more infected, and yet they do not stop. ghost is the equivalent of a high fever-- they break the eternal stalemate. fevers are painful and dangerous, but as a last resort they can fight off an infection nothing else in your body can handle. hallownest is burnt to the ground by ghost, but not killed entirely. its inhabitants survive, finally freed from the curse of the eternal infection and allowed to Move On.

the pale king's fundamental mistake was trying to return to hallownest Before, and then trying to freeze it "before it gets worse". the only way out of a bad situation is OUT. there's no going back, only through and then beyond. this is also the radiance's mistake, trying to bring back the kingdom that worships her.

the vessels' biology also reflects this. they're made to be eternally revivable, constructed beings that do not age or change. the only vessel whose biology changes at all is thk, who is strongly implied to have been artificially enlarged by the pale king experimenting with void to make the "perfect vessel". the only growth tpk can stand is artificial and tightly controlled.

so how does this relate to ghost? well, initially, hornet assumes that ghost is just another fixture in the endless stagnating cycle of her killing new vessels to prevent them from perpetuating hallownest's ruin.... but they're not, at least not necessarily. ghost has been outside of hallownest. ghost is not part of the cycle. they've lived what could be countless lifetimes in the World That Has Moved On. they come back to hallownest to free it from its stasis. despite their vessel status, their lack of physical growth, they have grown in the ways they can.

also, their role as The One Who Got To Move On is a major part of what makes their familial relationships interesting. the eldest child who escaped the family is pretty common in abusive families. this comes with a lot of guilt-- why was i allowed to get away? why didn't, why couldn't i take my siblings with me? shouldn't i have saved them? don't i know how they're suffering without me there to protect them? the fantasy of being able to go back and Rescue the siblings you "abandoned" is a powerful one. ghost comes back to hallownest explicitly For the hollow knight. for what and who they left behind. i saw an interesting analysis of the hungry knight dialogue where it's clear the character who would become ghost has a very strong sense of duty and responsibility. they can't just leave things alone like this.

in some ways ghost is most strongly a mirror of the pale king. tpk preserves, ghost progresses. tpk isolates, ghost brings people together. tpk is a coward who forces his subjects to pay his prices, ghost only places burdens on themself. tpk is obsessed with and a symbol of the past, ghost is the present and future. tpk is short and looks stupid, ghost is short and looks bad ass. despite receiving the king's brand and learning the entirety of tpk's plan, ghost is not their father. they learn from his mistakes.

[kasaneteto]

been thinking about this guy a lot. dont read under the cut if you dont want persona 4 spoilers or dont want to hear me talk about how i used to wish this guy would do nasty things to me because of my trauma

first of all this is not a character analysis this is my very personal relationship with the character. second of all this is normally the kind of thing i would put on my private instagram but my roommate is currently playing p4 & i dont want him to get spoiled. so sorry that youre subjected to this i guess. anyways.

recently something ive realized about myself is that i am a HOPELESS romantic. i require something to pour my affections into. & if that isnt a person WELL its gonna be a fictional character. for me the adachi blorboism started right after i ended my first real “relationship”. i say “relationship” because it was less of that and more of me being groomed by a guy 5 years my senior. unfortunately, this guy was what got me into persona. he asked me to watch the p4 anime with him and that was it for me lmfao.

so wtf does that have to do with adachi. well i didnt think it had ANYTHING to do with him until recently. being in therapy has allowed me to really dissect the way my environment has manifested in my behaviors and atp im confident in saying that getting groomed is pretty much the reason i love adachi so much. groomer man was the literal definition of a nice guy, like i made a nice guys finish last joke to him once & his actual response was “but it’s true though…” and he was SO bummed when adachi was revealed to be the mastermind. he was all “ooouuhhhh it sucks because he was such a good character before that”

so i got out of that relationship, had clarity over the fact that he had been manipulating me the entire time, got my hands on my own copy of p4 (i had still only seen the anime & played arena atp) and when i got to adachi’s monologue i was like. THIS GUY IS AWESOME!!!! HOW IS HE A WORSE CHARACTER FOR THIS!!!! im realizing now that travis (groomer) probably felt very attacked by adachi’s motives. & not only that but that i felt very comforted by how blatantly evil he is. that sounds really weird so let me explain.

i saw (& honestly still see) adachi as someone who’s a product of his environment. he felt trapped & suffocated by inaba, felt mistreated by his superiors at work, and with being given access the tv world found something that he felt he could control, which was fun for him in a world of boredom, of which he felt like the victim. i related a lot to that feeling of being trapped somewhere you can’t escape from (both because of my relationship & at the time living with my parents) and really appreciated his fucked outlook on life. not like. the misogyny part. just the whole “life only favors the lucky ones” sentiment. i also saw him as a much more honest & self-aware version of travis. he knew he was doing bad things to people who didn’t deserve it, and his justifications were just “i was bored”. unlike my ex who probably still sees himself as a victim

idk! i guess the takeaway here is that there’s still so much more to me than i know. im learning new things about myself every day. im very glad to finally be on this journey of self-discovery. ive always been a really introspective person but i dont think i ever asked myself WHY? why am i like this. like actually. so im doing that now. & the answers are actually pretty fucked up! ive always played down my trauma because its what my parents and a lot of my peers did. my “best friend” as a kid (she was honestly just a bully) didn’t believe me when i told her that my parents fought. like it was so much worse than i allowed myself to believe. i played down getting groomed because I wasn’t like r*ped or anything (he touched me with my permission but no insertion happened idk if that counts as r*pe) but whenever i tell people that my parents were not only okay with it but allowed him to come visit me from Canada and STAY AT MY HOUSE….they are always shocked. because thats so fucked up! like… what!

alright ive really gone off the rails with this but in conclusion: adachi is a piece of shit and thats why i love him. he’s my disgusting babygirl. my awful little mongrel anime husbando. & you dont get him like i do

[junebudinfodumps]

infodump #1: LaLaLand THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE!!!!!

this shit is straight from the notes app but with more cohesion (also this is from august) 

thoughts about the ending:

i knew that rewatching lalaland was a bad idea and i knew that i would probably cry but i thought that maybe this time would be different!! it wasn’t. i’m now crying in my bathroom while trying to paint my nails but i’m also thinking about the devastating ending of that movie and how mia looks back at seb for one last time. and she does with it so much love and admiration in her eyes and seb looks back at mia with that same love and admiration and they’re both so proud of themselves and each other and how far they’ve come but the devastating part is the realization that they wouldn’t be where they are now if they had stayed together. it would’ve been one or the other and they would’ve been unhappy. the epilogue is just an idealization!!! mia became an actress but seb never got his club!!!!!!! so while they were happy with each other when they were together, it wouldn’t have sustainable and it would’ve ended even worse. it’s just so heartbreaking and i hate it. i hate it so much. but yet i come back to this devastating movie time and time again.

and what's worse is that even though they aren’t together anymore (and couldn’t be), they will always love each other and that shit hurts. that’s unconditional love and it hurts my feelings and i don’t like it. 

thoughts about the start a fire scene:

the concert scene where seb is playing and the piano and is making eye contact with mia the whole time?? that scene is so important to me. the crowd rushed in to get closer to seb and mia is pushed away from him. mia is so confused in this scene as well because she knows it’s not jazz and she knows it’s not what seb wants to play. the crowd pushes her away from seb and it shows the distance that’s slowly growing between them because of how busy they both are getting with their own projects. it’s devastating. and then things get tight and things snap at the surprise dinner and that’s where everything starts to fall apart and start to end. they never really thought about their futures and how their career paths would fit in with their relationship. they obviously didn’t communicate with each other about how they thought things would go which makes me very sad. i know they wouldn't have been able to stay together no matter the amount of communication but maybe things would've ended a little softer and a little kinder. 

my overall feelings and connection with this movie:

now it’s time to get personal. i was 12 when i first saw lalaland, and im now 18. ive been obsessed with this fucking movie FOR SIX YEARS. SIX!!!! so its clear that i really love this movie. i got my first taste when seb playing mia and sebastian's theme was reenacted on some award show. i was immediately hooked and listened to the soundtrack for weeks until i saw the movie with my best friend at the time. i went into that movie with every word of every song memorized. the guy sitting next to me got so annoyed at me whispering the songs that he left. anyways. i left that movie shell shocked. i know saying this movie changed me is cringe but i really do mean it. there was a hole in my heart craving something and this movie filled it perfectly. 

over the next six years (six!?!?!?), i would rewatch this movie anytime that i could and every time i was left distraught with so many thoughts spilling out of my brain. my mom has heard a lot of these thoughts. she has also cried with me over this movie. i remember the one time where i watched this movie at boarding school. for some reason it fucked me over so badly this time and i cried over it harder than i’ve ever cried about it before. like sobbing. so hard. (and this was when i was an edge lord and wore so much eyeliner and mascara. i cried a lot of it off)  it was sort of cathartic really, highly recommend it. 

anyways, i think lalaland’s ending is what makes it truly memorable. and if you hate the ending of this movie you are wrong and stupid. you hate it because its realistic and it hurt and the movie gave you a false hope and grabbed that hope and crushed it like a can in front of you. this movie was like no other and thats what made it truly amazing. it didn't follow the path of hollywood magic and love prevails. it took the road less taken and decided to be mean. not everything can be like the honeymoon period of the movie, it had to end and it ended realistically and thats just part of the charm baby. 

i will maybe go more into specific aspects of the movie but i have to rewatch it again before i can do that so stay tuned 

[chasing-the-persea]

Here's my rough draft of my pjo fic! It follows the story of Koralia Jackson, Percy and Annabeth's daughter, as she tries to find her place in a world where her parents are legendary heroes and everyone expects her to follow in their footsteps.

As this is a rough draft things get kind of confusing, the pacing is worse than a three-legged race, there's a few accidentally time-traveling tenses, and two narrator shifts (which i've marked). basically, good luck!

i do plan on posting the other four chapters ive drafted for this eventually but, in all honesty, it's going to take a bit to get them even somewhat readable and im only posting these because i lost the motivation to keep writing so like. it may be a month before i share chapter two.

also, there's very vaguely described/implied panicking, character deaths, and drowning.

GRIP OF FATE

CHAPTER 1

It's 1:48 in the morning and Koralia Jackson can't sleep. She's been tossing and turning for hours. Tomorrow is her last day of summer school. If she manages to survive it, she'll be a sixth grader.

If.

She's done her best to prepare: she spent all afternoon doing the last bit of homework her teachers assigned, double-checking it, then triple-checking just to be sure. Her clothes, carefully chosen to avoid being dress-coded, were laid out flat to prevent wrinkles. Her books were already in her backpack, as was her chapstick, extra pencils and pens, hair ties, bandages, and granola bars. Everything she could need was packed. So why was she still so nervous?

Maybe because of the mysterious phone call her parents received that evening.

It wasn't the fact that her parents got a call so late. They volunteered at an organization that helps kids in foster care, and a late call often meant a kid was needing an emergency placement for a night or two.

No, what was mysterious was that after the call, her parents barely said anything the rest of the night. The atmosphere in the house - normally warm, easy, and homely - turned cautious and cold. Her parents were distant; something obviously was bothering them, but when Koralia asked about it they assured her there was nothing wrong. You know how adults can be while talking about something they don't want you to overhear.

Tired of not getting answers, and maybe hoping the extra sleep helps tomorrow go better, Koralia had gone to bed early. Besides, if it was important her parents would have told her what the call was about, right?

Hours later, she wasn't so sure anymore. Hundreds of questions have run through her head and all it's done is get her nerves even more worked up. The only thing she is certain of is that if she lays down for another minute she's going to scream. So, wrapped in a blanket cloak, she tip-toes upstairs for some chamomile tea. She can't help noticing the front door is locked and their dog Mrs. O'Leary is on the porch and laying in front of it.

Mrs. O'Leary wouldn't hurt a fly, but you wouldn't believe it if you saw her. She's like their own Clifford, if Clifford was a mastiff with fur black as night. When she barks it echoes for miles across the empty farmland around them. Koralia's dad jokingly calls her a hellhound because of it. In reality, she's just a big sweetie—emphasis on big. Her dad only puts her outside to run off energy and scare away any unwanted strangers when kids are staying the night. Whatever reason she was outside tonight, it didn't help Koralia's nerves.

It also didn't help when a sobbing scream cut through the silent house like a knife. After nearly jumping a foot in the air she looked towards the two guest bedrooms for the source of the sound, but they were empty; no kids staying the night after all. The cry had come from another floor up. Her parents' room. One of them must be having a nightmare—an all too common occurrence in the Jackson household.

Desperate to overcome her nervous energy, Koralia sips her chamomile tea and looks outside. She realizes there's one thing she hasn't done, one thing that's sure to make everything better: star-gazing.

She tip-toes back downstairs for her glasses, then outside to her hammock. She knew she should be cautious, especially for whatever reason Mrs. O'Leary was outside. But to protect Koralia was why she was out there in the first place, no?

Besides, it was a perfect night.

The air was cool for summer but the dense cover of humidity leftover from the day took away any chill. A gentle breeze blew from the east, surrounding her with the warm scent of growing crops. Fireflies lazily danced in the air, glittering in the twilight. Bullfrogs croaked mournfully in a nearby pond. Whip-poor-wills and screech owls called to each other from trees lining fence rows. If someone listened close enough they could hear the chittering of bats flying around.

Then, of course, there was the reason for going outside in the first place: the stars. The sky was crystal clear. The moon was just beginning to rise, and being so far in the country meant minimal light pollution. Stars light up the night, their violent blazes becoming a soft twinkle in the distant heavens. It made no difference to them if an eleven-year-old girl was having trouble sleeping. Their performance had started millennia ago, before life itself, and would continue long after everyone was gone. Every night the same thing, over and over again, for eternity.

(Not the same every night, Koralia reminded herself. Everything was always moving, on a cosmic scale. She was just too impossibly irrelevant to see anything more than a minuscule change in her lifetime. Not that that thought comforted her any.)

Their consistency is why Koralia liked them so much; the stars were dependable. In a life where everything is constantly moving or changing, it was a comfort to know one could look up and always find their way.

As her eyes found the familiar constellations, she recalled stories her mom had for each one. Straight upwards was Hercules, the mighty hero. A little further down, and to the northwest was Draco, the dragon; Cygnus, the goose; The bears Ursa Major and Minor, with their Big and Little Dippers. Andromeda was nearing the horizon, chased by Cassiopeia, and Perseus had nearly disappeared. Koralia's personal favorite, The Huntress, was rising in the east.

With the soft, comforting words of her mom running through her head, Koralia was asleep before long. And her own nightmare began.

<narrator shift, first-person Koralia's POV>

It started the way it always did. My family and I are swimming in a nearby creek, something we’ve done hundreds of times before. I had even invited some friends I made in kindergarten that year to come with us. The creek itself is one of the smaller ones in the area; it disappears completely during dry spells. But that doesn’t mean there weren't any deep spots or areas with a fast current due to the shallows.

One of my friends is begging me to go to one of the deeper spots with her. She wants to talk about the crush she has on a boy in her class and doesn’t want my brother Evan to overhear. He’s four years old, two years younger than me. My parents don’t like me leaving him out of things, but there are only so many places you can go that he can follow.

As much as I hate to admit it, I was getting tired of him whining and clinging to me like a monkey. I tell him to stay near the shore where Mom and Dad are setting up lunch. It’s shallower there, and we can play his favorite game of seeing who could find the most crawdads when we get back. But he’s not listening. He keeps following us further and deeper.

“Evan, go see Mom and Dad. We’ll be back in a couple minutes, I promise!”

“But Kora, I wanna go with you!”

I don’t know how it happened. The nightmare always gets fuzzy at this point. I don't know what's real anymore and what my mind has made up trying to make sense of everything. Maybe he jumped onto my back as a last resort to stay above the surface. Maybe I tried to shove him off. I dimly remember something grabbing my waist and pulling me backward, then my head hitting something hard on the creek bed. Someone screams. Everything goes black.

It only lasts a couple of seconds, but they feel like a lifetime. Slowly it starts to get brighter. I hear a hissing-humming sound, like someone whispering. I open my eyes but there’s a murky-green darkness all around. I take a breath and water fills my nose instead. I panic.

Where-am-I, where-am-I, underwater. Underwater? Not good. Not-good-not-good-not-good. Don’t-breathe-head-hurts-need-help? Help. HELP!

I kick as hard as I can. I reach up–was the water always this deep?–and I don’t break the surface. I’m sinking? Something grabs my hand. Dad? In my head, I hear his reassuring voice.

"It’s okay, I’ve got you now. You’re safe."

Then Mom is standing over me. She’s looking away, one hand to her mouth, tears running down her face. She has her other arm around a friend, who’s hugging her tightly. I’m laying down somewhere. It’s hard and bumpy. The bank of the creek? I rub the back of my head. My hand comes back red and sticky. Very not good. I attempt to sit up and the world starts spinning. A wave of nausea overwhelms me and it takes all I have to stop it.

Now Dad is here, relief washing over his face. But it doesn't wash away his red eyes, that even now are flitting toward the creek.

People keep popping up, asking if I'm alright. I hear others call out, "Not over here, either. Mr. Hendrick is still searching his branch of the creek."

"What's going on?" I ask. No one meets my eyes. I remember the scream and think of all the faces I saw looking at me, and whose face I didn't.

"Where's Evan? Is he okay, is he alright?" Nobody talks. My chest is hollow.

"What happened? Where's Evan?!" Mom looks to Dad, seeing if he's going to say anything. Now that his relief had worn off, he almost looked numb. But his fists were clenched and shaking, and his eyes were so full of anger they could have set the creek on fire.

Mom bent down and gently took my hand. Tears were already falling on her cheeks. She took a deep, quivering breath and said, "There was an accident in the water. We don't know how it happened but you fell and hit your head...and Evan got caught in the deep current after following you. Both of you went under...you're the only one who came back up.

"Everyone's been searching downstream, the water patrol is on the way, but..." Mom broke down, no longer able to hold back her sobs. Dad tore his eyes away from the creek and grabbed Mom in a hug. He spoke for her, but his anger was still evident as he spits out, "Evan was taken by the current. All we can do now is pray he's found."

<narrator shift, reverting to the previous POV>

But Evan was never found, and five years later Koralia still blames herself for his death. As much as her parents tell her that it wasn't her fault, she will always believe deep down that it was. After that, Koralia refuses to go in water any deeper than her ankles for fear of drowning.

Tonight finally had mercy on her. She was woken from her nightmare by a ball of light shooting across the sky; the biggest meteorite Koralia's ever seen. The amazing sight brought a cheerful ease to her heavy heart, and she found herself smiling when Mrs. O'Leary ran in the direction it was falling, like she was chasing a giant tennis ball. Koralia nodded off once again, and this time no nightmares interrupted her rest.

[kithtaehyung]

Was gonna do this in order of how offended I am but it’s really hard to choose…so this is just in order of how I saw them 😐

1) Him tracing ily on her skin 😭 why did my brain immediately think of him doing this before he has built up the courage to say it out loud, like he can’t say it out loud yet but he’s bursting at the seams so he just- ✋🏽😭

2) I was expecting the 3tan yoongi violence but this cannot be tolerated 😐😐😐😐😐 #1 post I’m mad about as of rn. This Tae is illegal 😭😭😭😭 (spoiler alert: it gets worse 😭)

3) Lmao no but Ryensuela for the Nicholasname 😂☠️ (I am still partial to when I see people call you Ryen Kith Taehyung in all caps, it makes me giggle every time). Didn’t have a particular post to tag for this, just know I thoroughly enjoyed seeing people try to lengthen your name 😂 nicknames are my fave.

4) Sad I missed this ask game but the ones asked were so good 😂😭 (wish there were more sneaky 3tan bro and jk ones but it was still a good mix 👀)

5) I’m sorry wut is this 😐 this is going pretty high on the list. You teasing a Netflix and chill 3tan drabble and bros identity? 🤨

6) I- 😐😐😐😐 your audacity has reached a peak once again 😭 PEAK I SAY agahsdklggl

7) 😳😳😳 this should be illegal. How dare you throw this out into the world.

8) Nope 🙅🏽‍♀️ Absolutely not. Nopenopenopenope. Nope 😐. If I refuse to acknowledge it did this really happen??? 🫢🫢🫢 I-

9) AND I DIDNT THINK IT COULD GET WORSE THEN IT DID 😭😭😭 RYEN! Explain yourself 😐😭 *aggressively shakes tree* agshdkdlgg

10) 👁👄👁 GET BACK HERE 😭 you and your damn tags IM AT MY WITS END ISTG

11) Not the Wendy’s 😂☠️☠️☠️ I’m sorry…but this is just SO funny to me. After the horny hours too. The timing is UNREAL 😈 not so much fun when you’re not the one being the menace is it (Also having the live in those screenshots is taking me out, his face in them is perfect 😂😂😂☠️)

12) IM SORRY WHAT!!!?????? I missed a whole ass huge spoiler 😳😳😳 (I’ve said it a million times but I’ll say it again, your tags I- asgdjjfkg YOU WANNA FIGHT OR??? What do you mean is it!??? You literally said “highly requested FULL basketball scene coming up” DONT PLAY COY NOW 😭)

13) Okay yeah…I…I have…a lot of…feelings…about this 🙂🙂🙂. This is fine. Everything is…fine 🙂 (AGAIN THE TAGS WE’RE GONNA THROW HANDS)

14) 😐☹️☹️☹️ this was uncalled for, unprovoked and just RUDE

15) ☠️ I’m not even sure I have anything more to say than just 😩😩😩😩

16) Ryen…😐 This…this takes #1…the teaser!!??! Agshhsjfkflg 😐 don’t talk to me….DONT EVEN LOOK AT ME 😭🥴 (wait help I just saw the estimated help date nooooo, you can’t do this to me I’m ✨unprepared✨. THIS IS WHAT YOU MEANT WHEN YOU SAID SOMETHING I HAVENT GOTTEN TO YET. Never been more thankful for a delay in release dates, if I came back to a full ass YOONJIN fic dropped I would have yeeted my phone off a balcony)

17) 😐😐😐😐 uncalled for and unprovoked pt 2 ☹️

18) Last peak of audacity reached…the way you tagged this 🍊🍊🍊…SEE…this is how I knew. Just knew it smh 😐. When I saw you were conveniently releasing 3tan9 visuals on jk’s bday 😒

And on that last note…guys…I’ve been saying this but 3tan jk is gonna be at the release party duh!!!! For how long and what interactions we get 👀 only Ryen knows but IM READY 😈

And this has been ‘what you missed in practically 2 weeks on this godforsaken blog’…hope this puts things in perspective 😐. It was a rollercoaster of emotions let me tell you, 10/10 do not recommend going through it in a short time span…it’s…✨a lot✨ 🥴😂 and you’ve created monsters. We’re all menaces™ 😂

Let’s hope tumblr doesn’t randomly eat this ask bc I lowkey don’t wanna hyperlink everything again 😂🤧

OH MY GOD MIKAYLA LMFAOOOO okay… yeah…. We… don’t have any excuses for what the fck you missed🥴

I was gonna respond to all of these when I realized that it’s much more hilarious to just make a scholarly blanket statement and say “If you’re gonna skip, just know you have a lot of make up work to come back to.”💀💀💀

But seriously, we missed you so much! Definitely would’ve been more screaming involved (and faster justice for Friends!!!) All the tags screaming I am CACKLINGGGG HAHAHAH you know to read the tags!! Always read the tags!! Yoonjin piece is still in the works but I’ve realized that I wanna make it perfect so🤪 Stay fcking tuned.

The theory you have is super interesting so we’ll see what happens in the next parts👀👀