#also rewatching 30 rock has me so aware of how much i miss when a show would be part of most of your year

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

one thing i’m really realizing about tv-watching lately is that i’m reaching a point where i can’t hold all these shows in my head. it takes so long to have a new season come out that i’ve forgotten all the details of what happened in the previous season unless it’s a show i’ve watched multiple times, which it’s usually not. then i feel like i’m doing wrong by the show by not rewatching the previous season(s) so i can watch the new one as the creators intended it to be watched, with all the emotional threads from the previous season getting picked up and returned to. like, i want those things to HIT the way they’re intended to, but usually they don’t for me in this tv-watching model because it’s been so long that i don’t remember the details of what’s going on or how i was feeling about everything going on on the show where it last left off. i can’t shake the feeling that i need to rewatch the whole show before the new season so it can register with me correctly ... but there are only so many hours in a day, i can’t do that for every single show i watch that drops a new season every year or every couple of years!

tl;dr this is why i am dreaming of majorly cutting down on the amount of tv i watch. my brain just can’t take it in this current format! there are already so many new seasons of shows i loved that i just haven’t seen for this reason. i find myself actively craving, like, limitations to my viewing so i don’t feel like my brain is going to explode. often i daydream of canceling all my streaming services except pbs passport and getting really into antiques road show and this old house.

[pjstafford]

The Bad Boy/Good Guy public personality dynamic of David Duchovny

Written as a birthday gift (with her blog prompt) for Charmion @grungekid84

Dedication: Charmion and I are of different generations; separated in age by over twenty years. I was the age she is now, about, when the X-files was new and she watched it first as a child. Yet today we share similarities in thoughts related to our celebrity crush. To both Charmion and David Duchovny I say, I hope this blog does the love the justice it deserves.

Why are women 20 to 70 years of age fan girls of the 59 year old David Duchovny? Not simply fans! Fans might watch a movie because an actor is in it. They might rewatch a series a half dozen times. Fan girls like Charmion have an Xfile room and paint pictures. Fan girls like myself write blogs, fan fic and team up with fan girls like Cathy Glinski to present at academic conferences. Why do women who have no other celebrity crushes have this need to celebrate this one celebrity in these ways? It seems significant to me the age range of women who are fan girls. I have stood in an audience surrounded by women barely old enough to meet the 21 age limit who knew every word to each of his songs. I heard one such woman say that this is an experience she would tell her grandchildren about. I, also, know women closer to 70 who have traveled to a meet and greet or comic con because they wanted the opportunity to thank this celebrity for the years of joy. Just today as I start to write this a woman I do not know tweeted @hearteyes4david an open letter to the world with a life wish to meet and thank this man. There are so many of us who just want to say thank you. And I won’t say none of us are not, but most of us are not crazy. We are lobbyists, store managers, attorneys, emergency room nurses, church secretaries of different ages and nationalities, many happily married, most normal women ( and some men). So many of us eager, compelled almost, to meet a single specific man and say thank you.

Some of it, people will say, is lust. Yes, it’s possible that if he was a less attractive man we would wish to thank him in person less. Still, can you truly look at the picture at the end of this blog and say his looks are so much more Adonis like than any other man? To say it’s purely a physical lust for a handsome man is dismissive of the intelligent, thoughtful women so moved to want to thank him.

His talent? “Sweet baby Jesus” he gave us Mulder and if that wasn’t enough, Moody. Whether he is playing a man who has lost his wife in Return to me, a drugged out doctor in Playing God, or a Russian operative determine to see the US nuked in Phantomn he makes every character seem so real that he gets a reputation for only playing himself. He is so good of an actor playing such diverse roles that folks can’t believe is truly acting. Still, I think most of us would just be fans and not fan girls if good looks and talent was all he had going for him

He is multi-talented and many love the rock star with romantic, heart breaking lyrics. For me, as I have often said, he is my favorite living novelist with three novels published and a fourth to come out soon. He writes intelligent, funny, heart breaking novels with an unique style and characters that again seem real (even the talking animals). In a recent interview he said something to the effect that his kids could read these novels and know who he was a man. I think that’s why I love his writing so much is because lyrics or prose they are authentic expressions of an artist’s personality; which brings me to Charmion prompt...the personality of David Duchovny.

I have met the man briefly a handful of times. I like the man I have met, but I can’t pretend to know more anymore than his public persona. I know how he comes across in interviews, what others who know him say about him, and all I can possibly gleam from his public art...from the things he has acted in and from his written art- the XFiles the Unnatural, the movie “House of D”, the novels, the lyrics, the distorted selfies in the mirrors reflections he tweeted when he used to tweet. This is how I know what I know about the man...and the fact that the few times I met him he was soft spoken, polite, humble and kind; taking time to answer my questions intelligently, joke a little and write kind words.

I know he is flawed. It is impossible to be a fan and not know about some of the faults which have been well publicized. As he himself says in my favorite of his songs, “I got skeletons in my closet which time ain’t forgot...”. They will never be forgotten. They will be included 20 or 30 years from now in his obituary. His flawed character is a fact, it has been aired, it is part of who he is.

I have written that what I love best about his writing is the combination of darkness and despair with the lightness of the human spirit and resiliency (mmm...the ability to believe?) rising out of darkness. He writes about the most depressing subjects on earth realistically and the fairy tale quality which rises to fill our hearts, to make us laugh and cry, is as real. It is either or both n amazing technique and/ or a result of a world view. I choose to believe it is the latter.

David Duchovny is no saint, but God Damn, he seems like a remarkably good guy with enough of a bad/boy mischievous side to make his personality as sexy as fucking itself. See how I just got a little different in my language there. David puts fucking in a book title, god damn in a song, gets bleeped on air record breaking number of times. God damn, fuck you if you think this is a man who is afraid to swear. He is not really Fox Freaking Mulder but he is David Fucking Duchovny

He is a good guy. He is intelligent. His ability to reference the high brow literary comes across in all his works. His second album title is from a Shakespeare quote. Walt Whitman shows up throughout his novels (and his dog’s tweets). He is well read, it quite well known. If you don’t get that reference, he would, as a Dylan fan and a fan of many other musical artists. He is also happy to talk about and reference sporting heros.

He is a bad boy. Oh, but the lowbrow humor! Early interviews have fart jokes, bathroom humor. He has a knack for intermixing the profane and profound. His novel, Miss Subways, has the elementary teacher leaving the classroom in tears when an assignment (write a letter to a Shakespeare minor character) results in an innocent boy reading “My dearest Fellatio...”.

He is a good guy. He is a romantic. He gave the XFiles fans the shippy Mulder and Scully baseball scene. He believes in his heart that Californication was at heart a love story. He writes lyrics for his ex wife who loves the rain saying “ It will always be raining in this song.” In his novel are real people having real sex type of scenes...no great erotica with flowing hair and heaving bosoms for this man, but discussion of lights on or off or an older couple off screen and an adult son hearing and embarrassed.

He is a bad boy. The man has no fear of nudity. . In his first movie he was filmed completely naked. In the commentary to the rapture he admits that he told the director he thought the character slept in the nude. (Hence the balls shot). It was his idea to wear the red speedo. He improvised the moonshot in evolution.

He is a good guy. He believes in causes. He volunteers and donates to protect the planet, for animal rights, for music education and for planned parenthood. His was the only story in over 200 XFiles episodes that truly dealt with racial injustice and segregation.

He is a good guy. In House of D the thirteen year old boy’s best friend is a forty year old janitor with special needs. He is a bad boy. That boy and janitor told each other a lot of pee jokes.

I can go on and on and on about the bad boy/good guy public personna of David Duchovny, but I am going to close with a subject that might tempt fate and bring forth the haters. I want to end with thinking about David and women.

In Red Shoes diaries David was in the forefront of the soft porn explosion. In an interview this year Brigitte Bako describes her experience in filming the movie as the “worst experience of my life”; but has nothing but complimentary things to say about David, how sweet and nice he was. They became close friends and she later appeared in an episode of Californication.

In Californication, David was the star of one of the raunchiest series in television history. Tits and ass, fucking and punching. I love the show but it would likely not be made today although, to be fair, it demonstrates women having agency over their sexuality. Nevertheless, actresses who appeared on that show have recently been asked what it was like. Over and over again they talk about how comfortable the environment was and how polite and respectful David was.

Much has been made over Gillian Anderson being paid half of David Duchovny’s salary. This is hardly his fault and something he argued against once he was made aware of it, but, as a fan of the show, I love hearing him talk protectively of Mulder and of wanting to protect that relationship. I love that he was responsible for rewriting an ending to one of seasons 11 episodes which end not with Mulder objectifying Scully and not with him in his under wear, but with Scully opining the door and him standing there. As David said, Scully being in control of her own desires.

Finally in Miss Subways, I find a female character written with such realism and authenticity that I have to go back to the 19th century to find a female literary character so relatable to me. She is a reader, beautiful to some men, a little eccentric in some ways, vulnerable, strong but without a great belief in herself or her talent. She’s just fucking real in a fucking real world despite being in a surrealistic fantasy novel with Irish banshees and African spider goddesses, parallel timelines and phones that can alter reality.

We, the fan girls, love this celebrity, David Duchovny because of his looks, his talent and his personality; because he is a bad boy and a good guy; because he inspires us, because he is flawed as we all are and goes through his life trying to be present in the day. For all the fan women who have yet to meet you, Mr. Duchovny, I say thank you and we love you, until they can meet you and tell you themselves.

Happy Birthday, Charmion. If you should meet him someday when I am not there give him an extra hug for me.

[bendthekneetobangtan]

85 Questions

Rules: Answer these 85 questions about yourself and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @ditzymax to answer these - thanks love! 💗

Last:

Drink: Water

📱 Call: My manager

Text Message: The boyfriend

Song you listened to: moonchild by RM aka the most brilliant man in the universe

Time you 😢: Ummmm, it was probably over a sad animal video, like one of those dogs that undergo trauma and have really miraculous recoveries and get adopted by a loving family with a gigantic farm. I always cry at those 😭

Ever:

Dated someone twice: God no

😘 someone and regretted it: No?

Been cheated on: No? (also, does this count if you were technically dating around?)

Lost someone special: Yes

Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes, fun fact - I cannot metabolize alcohol AT ALL. I basically have an alcohol allergy so I can’t drink. :’’‘) I’ve always felt I’ve missed out in life because of this.

In the last year, have you:

Made new friends: Yup

Fallen out of 💛: No

😂 until you 😢: Yes, I laugh all the time at my boyfriend who mixes up common sayings horrifically.

Found out someone was talking about you: No

Met someone who changed you: No

Found out who your friends are: No (I mean, I’ve been knowing who they are...?)

😘 someone on your Facebook friends list: Yes

General:

How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Ummm, 95%. I have one or two who I’ve never met because they live in a different country altogether.

Do you have any pets: Yes, I have a 50-pound mutt! 🐕

Do you want to change your name: Yes and no. I’ve always hated my RL name because it is such an outdated, old lady’s name. But I don’t know what I’d want it to be!

What did you do for your last 🎂: I spent the day with my boyfriend and we ate at a crowded, trendy restaurant and wandered around an art museum.

What time did you wake up today: Just before 7am

What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping obvi

What is something you can’t wait for: The holidays so everyone at work can leave me tf alone 👍

What are you listening to right now: forever rain by RM

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes, it’s a pretty generic name

Something that gets on your nerves: This happened a lot when I was on vacation recently - people who lack self-awareness and do not care that they are standing in your way. I live in a big city so we are used to the hustle and bustle and getting from point A to point B in seconds. I went to visit the national parks in Utah and people would constantly clog the hiking trails by just STANDING THERE instead of going to the side. The worst was when we would be standing on a steep, narrow path. I’m not trying to plummet to my death, y’all.

Most visited website: According to my browser...Tumblr

Hair color: Black as night (my natural color)

Long or short hair: I have short hair, but wish I could l have a long mane (I blame the girls from Blackpink 😔)

What do you like about yourself: I like to think I’m really good at drawing on eyeliner ✍️

Want any piercings: Maybe it’s because I’m approaching 30 (I’m a fucking dinosaur compared to you guys), but I kinda wish I had a funky piercing like a nose ring or something.

Blood type: B+

Nicknames: None really

Relationship status: in a long-term relationship (4+ years)

Zodiac sign: Leo

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite 📺 show: Game of Thrones (obvi my url), Breaking Bad, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Tattoos: I have none

Right or left handed: Righty

Ever had surgery: Yes, sort of. I got LASIK done and IT IS AMAZING, I TELL YA. I say sort of because I was awake throught the whole thing and didn’t have to go under for the procedure.

Piercings: Only my ear lobes

Sports: I have zero coordination to do sports, but I go to the gym regularly 🏋️

Dream Vacation: I really want to go to the Canadian Rockies 🏔️

Trainers: I have at least a dozen pairs of sneakers. I am so glad it’s acceptable to wear them everywhere now. I like my feet comfy.

Eating: I already ate dinner so I’m not eating anything?

Drinking: Water

I’m about to watch: Nothing cuz it’s almost my bedtime lol

Waiting for: Me to win the lottery? Idk

Want: To win the lottery...😂

Get married for: Namjoon, the only man I want to marry :’)

Career: The cynic in me thinks I might be stuck in this field a while. I would love to do something creative, like architecture and design. But that ship has probably sailed and I don’t want to go back to school! 🤷

Hugs or kisses: Both

👄 or eyes: Eyes

Shorter or taller: Is this asking about me or my partner? I guess taller. I’m only 5′4″ so it’d be kinda strange dating someone shorter than me.

Older or younger: Older. I think I’d have to at least be in my 30s before I consider dating someone a few years younger.

Nice arms or stomach: Arms

Hookup or relationship: Relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesistant

Have you ever:

😘 a stranger: No

Drank hard liquor: No

Lost glasses: Not permanently, I always found them in a random place in my home

Turned someone down: Yes

Sex on first date: No

Broken someone’s ❤️: Uhhh maybe? I turned a few people down and they seemed pretty upset, but we never actually DATED so hmmm

Had your 💔: Yes

Been arrested: No

😢 when someone died: Of course

Fallen for a friend: Definitely

Do you believe in:

Yourself: Yes and no

Miracles: No

💛 at first sight: No

😘 on the first date: Sure, why not?

Angels: Jeon Jungkook exists, does he not??! 😭😭

Other:

Best friend’s name: keeping this one private

Eye color: Brown

Favorite Movie: The only ones I can think of are movies that I can rewatch multiple times. Nostalgic too. So probably everything Disney? lol

Favorite actor: Probably because I listened to her audiobook recently, but I love Tina Fey so much. She’s super inspiring!

Favorite Food: Umm rice? It goes with literally everything

Extrovert or Introvert: introvert

Favorite flower: Anything yellow lol

Favorite Hello 🐈 characters: Does this mean Sanrio? I loved Pochacco when I was a kid

I can’t tag 20 people, but I’ll tag @luffles424 and @suga-kookiemonster if y’all wanna do it!