#also shout out to millie for entertaining my back to back crash outs

[snowblossomreads]

Where has Snow been!?

In hibernation! Sort of.

I didn't know if I should post this but if it's on the blog then I must have hit post. Anyways I'm alive even if haven't posted for months. Why is that you asked?

Well Ill put it under a read more in case you want to avoid my bitching and moaning.

Oh hello there, I guess buckle up for a crash out that has zero nuance.

So why I haven't Ive been active?

Burnout, writer's block, life etc etc. I could go on and on but I'm going to keep it 100 with you and be real. I feel like the things I write don't matter. I know the fandom Alan fandom is small, I know everything that is written isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, I get it.

But the lack of interaction on the things I've written 'recently' has really disheartened me and still does especially when I put everything into them. There are handful to a lot of likes, a reblog here or there and a comment once in the blue moon. And the first two are nice but it's the third that I feel like is important. Maybe it's because I don't post every m week or two weeks and it just gets lost. Maybe I suck (jk Im not a professional but I know im not that bad) idk.

It just really hurts because whenever I read peoples stories in the fandom I try to leave comments about how it made me feel whether it be long or short. And I put everything into what I right and get nothing almost.

Of course there are regulars who I love and thank for sticking around but the balance is so skewed towards silence that I just want to quit altogether.

But I'm not. Or I don't think I am.

I still have a lot of stories I want to share and tell. And I know people say write for yourself and I do but if I share it I do want people to say something . I do love when people come into my inbox with silly things and I want to be active again and in the community and gush about Alan characters. But I'm also still trying to grapple with the bitter feelings I have as well.

And maybe after reading this it only makes my problems worse because it's giving entitled. Idk, I just want people to comment more and pop by because as @smilingformoney said once "it feels like i'm screaming into a void".

For the folks who say "Well you should do the same." I did. But when you're no longer having fun you tend to stop doing those things.

Anyways...I like sharing my stories, I like reading others stories. Will I get to them all? No. But I know the ones I get to I want to make sure I share them with others because writing is hard and gets very lonely and we have some lovely writers and creatives around us!

Alright, theres my very messy explanation about where Ive been, sorry if it is 'woe is me'.

Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far lol.😅

I hope to come back with something but until then I hope the stories I have already out in the wild can bring some enjoyment! (And don't be afraid to let me know!)

[tendernessfic]

Twenty Two

“And that is how I met Jim!” Samina finishes her story happily as she tosses a grape into her mouth, “I imagine it must be hard for you and Jamie to be apart for so long.”

I shrug, “We’re kind of used to it. I mean, now that we’re actually together it is slightly harder. But it makes every time we see each other all the more fun.”

“It’s as if you guys are teenagers falling in love for the first time.”

“I hope that goes for our looks too.” I laugh with her.

“I see you ladies are getting along well?” Jim comes up from behind us.

“Oh darling,” Samina holds his hand, “she’s adorable!”

Jim smiles, “She is a doll, isn’t she? I’m sorry I have to break you both up but Jamie says he needs help upstairs.”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Upstairs? But I thought he was with his cousin in the front yard getting beer?”

He shrugs, “Maybe he needs help with Dulcie or something.”

I walk off the couch, excusing myself from Jamie’s relatives and start making my way upstairs. I spot Dulcie running around with the other kids out the front door and start to wonder what Jamie could possibly need up here? As I reached the top step I called out to him.

“Jamie?”

“In here, baby!” He shouts back from our room.

I start walking, “Your dad says you needed help with some-”

The second I walk into the room he slams the door shut and crashes his lips onto mine. He pins me to the wall and quickly starts lifting my dress up.

“Jamie,” I say in between kisses, “there are like thirty people downstairs!”

“That’s why we’re going to have to be fast.”

Quickly giving in to him, I lift my arms so he can dispose of my dress. I step out of my panties as he unbuttons his shorts and lets them fall to the ground. He surprises me by turning me around, earning a squeal. I place both palms flat on the wall and close my eyes, feeling the familiar sensation of his fingers working me.

“Do you know just how sexy you look with that dress on?” his dips a finger inside me and I have to muffle back a scream.

“Shit, Jamie,”

He adds another finger, “Christ, you’re so wet already. I was thinking of waiting until tonight but the way you kept crossing your legs and parading around moving your ass,” he pumps in and out of me faster, “there was no way I could last that long.”

“Fuck!” I whimper at the feeling of his fingers exiting me, replaced in an instant with his erection.

“Sweet, sweet, Jesus,” he moans into my hair, “I will never get tired of this.”

I roll my head around, overwhelmed with pleasure as he increases his pace, holding onto my hips tightly. My head drops onto my palms and I bite my fingers, attempting to keep in the screams that were threatening to fall out of my lips. I push back into him, driving him crazy as he moves one palm forward onto my breasts and starts toying with them.

“Keep going.” I breathe out, encouraging him.

He surprises me by slowing down, thrusting in and out in an agonizing speed that made me crave so much more. He moves my hair out of the way and starts sucking on the back of my neck. Thrusting hard, holding me flush onto him so that I wouldn’t crash into the wall, he hits that sweet spot of mine. A scream of his name escapes my lungs as he shushes me, repeating the same motion over and over again, driving me onto the edge.

“Jamie, I can’t, I can’t-”

“Do you want to come, baby?”

“Yes!”

He groans as he slams into me once more, “Come for me.”

I bite my fingers as hard as I can as I feel my orgasm rip through my entire being. Jamie drops his head onto my shoulder as he releases himself into me while moaning my name several times. He finally stops thrusting and pulls himself out of me, turning me around so that I was facing him.

He wipes me there, “You’re dripping, sweetheart.”

“And whose fault is that?” I say as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his mouth onto mine.

“Daddy?” a voice from the hallway outside calls out, “Uncle Mark is looking for you!”

Jamie lets out a curse as he pulls away, “Tell him I’ll be two seconds, honey.”

“Are you in your room, daddy?” we hear footsteps running towards the door.

Jamie releases me, moving fast as he holds the door closed with one of his palms and switches the lock with the other. I cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing as we hear a soft knock on the door.

“Daddy?”

“I’ll be right out, Dulcie.”

“Is Dakota with you? I want Mama D.”

“Yeah I’m here,” I call out to her, “I’m just helping your dad with something, I’ll meet you downstairs.”

We hear her turn around and skip away happily before the two of us face each other and start laughing. I clean myself up in the bathroom then slip on my clothes, Jamie doing his best not to look at me and get distracted. He takes my hand in his and we walk out of the room together, me grinning like an idiot thinking of the fact that we just had a mind-blowing quickie while his family was downstairs.

“Mama! There you are!” Dulcie shouts as she runs to me and tugs on my hand so that I’d follow her.

Jamie gives me a wink before letting me go. Turns out Dulcie had wanted me to braid her hair because one of her cousins was sporting a fantastic braid and she was feeling competitive. I sit in the living room for most of the evening, which turns out to be an educational experience. I learn that Jamie’s relatives are spread out across Europe and that he has tons of nieces and nephews. Jamie also happens to be one of the youngest between them, which means that he used to get made fun of a lot. Sometime later Jamie decides to join in on my conversation with cousin Max and his wife.

“I see you’ve met Max and Sophie.”

I nod at him, “You have quite an entertaining family.”

“Oh that’s right alright, we’re all very talkative.” Max agrees as he clinks his beer bottle with Jamie’s.

Sophie smiles, “Dakota was just telling us about living in New York. I reckon it’s tiring isn’t it, all the travelling back and forth?”

“It’s worth it, though,” I shrug, “I get to see Jamie and the girls. Plus, doing what I do, I’m used to the travelling. I think Jamie would probably say the same thing.”

He squeezes my knee, “I think the toughest part is getting on the flights that separate us.”

“Someone’s gone soft.” Max scoffs as Jamie raises his middle finger at him.

“Oh shut up, you were just as bad a few years ago.” Sophie slaps him on the chest, earning a chuckle from us all, “Don’t you guys ever think of choosing a spot?”

“Actually, Jamie’s coming to live with me for a few months in New York after this summer.” I beam at him.

Jamie leans back and pulls me with him, “Yeah.”

“What about the girls?” Max asks.

“They’ll stay in London with Millie, they have school.”

“Won’t that be hard, though? Being away from them that long?”

I felt a sense of guilt as the words came out of his mouth. Jamie swings his arm around my shoulder and starts rubbing circles around it.

“Nah, mate. I’ll fly back if I really miss them and all but I’m planning on taking Dakota with me to London after that.”

This time, I stiffen.

“What?” I turn to him.

He smiles, “I think it’s a fair trade.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know, 6 months, maybe? I was thinking you’d probably move in with me by then.”

A look of extreme confusion overtakes my previously happy self as I try to process what he just said. He wants me to move there? We’ve never talked about this before and he’s making this statement as if I’d agree with it.

“Oh, Dakota you’ll love living in London!” Sophie interrupts my thoughts, “I expect you to come over to our place every day once you’re there.”

I turn to her and release a nervous laugh, not really knowing what to say. I could tell Max senses that I was uncomfortable, so he decides to change the subject and talk about one of his sons getting sent to detention for playing a prank. I, however, was distracted and barely listened to a word he said, still thinking of the idea of moving to London.

“What’s wrong?” Jamie whispers as Max and Sophie argue about the merits of detention.

“Since when was I moving to London?”

“I was going to talk about that sometime later in New York but it just came out.”

“Okay,” I raise an eyebrow, “but you do expect me to move?”

He shrugs, “I mean, eventually.”

“Eventually is not the same as six months from now.”

Jamie leans down to kiss me but I pull away; he sighs, “Look, forget I said anything okay?”

“I can’t just brush this off, Jamie-”

“We’ll talk about this later.” He cuts me off as he joins in on Max’s debate.

I scoff and quickly mumble to him, “Damn right, this conversation isn’t over.”

I excuse myself from the three of them before walking off to find the girls. As much as I love him and the girls, moving somewhere permanently is a huge step for me and this relationship. I refuse to do anything that big without thinking it through and the fact that he had the audacity to share that information with others means that he made up his mind.

Well, I am certainly not going down without a fight. No sir.

[artificialqueens]

But I'm A Cheerleader! - Chapter 16 (Aja x Farrah) - Millie

Practice that day was… awkward, to say the least. In fact, every second at school was. The usual cheerful discussion coming from their table at lunch had fizzled out. Across the canteen, things didn’t seem much livelier for the Bombers, either, but at least there was some conversation being made. The majority of their break and lunch consisted of apprehensive glances between the two tables.

The silence gave Aja time to think, but it wasn’t time she was grateful for. Her continuous train of thought was just of Farrah, and she couldn’t seem to break it for the life of her. Throughout the whole of their friendship, she’d never been so fixated on her until this point. And to make matters worse, she was starting to feel guilty about this morning, but she just couldn’t shake the image of Farrah in her bra and shorts out of her mind.

Today’s practice had probably been the most intense, and Cynthia knew they were short on time. Their routine had doubled in the two or three hours they’d been trapped in the sports hall, and everyone’s bodies were in intense pain. All through their practising, Cynthia dropped a couple of looks at Aja, but none seemed to threaten her; they were more or less looks of sympathy. Cynthia didn’t have a mean bone in her body, and she certainly didn’t let outside problems interfere with her school life.

Aja just couldn’t help but admire Farrah that afternoon. It was like the morning had awoken her to things she’d neglected to notice before, although they weren’t particularly enlightening. It was things like unintentionally seductive hair flips; the rising of her skirt every time she even moved an inch; her occasional glances that forced Aja to look away. Somehow, she still managed to look so good amongst the sweaty masses. It was beginning to drive Aja insane.

After a torturous couple of hours, the teams cleared out of the hall to get changed. When Aja was but a tiny freshman, the changing rooms were the place that she feared the most. Inside them was where everyone vaguely unpopular was subject to ridicule, teased and made fun of for no reason other than the bullies’ entertainment. As she approached the door, all of Aja’s past fears were suddenly coming back up.

She changed speedily into her regular clothes, not bothered about the fact that she looked like a hot mess. Her main priority was avoiding Alexis and possible comments from her that might be thrown. She quickly made a decision to leave through the back door like she did when she walked with Sasha - she could escape much more easily.

Farrah emerged from the same door several minutes later after receiving a text from Aja to do so. She appeared far less stressed than Aja did.

“How was your day?” Farrah asked her as they automatically began to walk.

“Quiet, I guess,” Aja replied. “And awkward. Yours?”

“Normal,” she said. “Alexis didn’t speak to you?”

Aja sighed. “To be fair, I tried my best to avoid her the whole day.”

“You could always sit with me?” Farrah offered. She looked up at Aja hopefully. “None of the Bombers would mind, I’m sure.”

Aja’s heart pulsated with warmth. “I’d love to,” she said, “but it might not make anything better with my friends.”

“That’s alright,” Farrah said. She took Aja’s limp hand and squeezed it softly, causing an eruption of butterflies in her stomach and her breath to hitch in her throat.

Aja held on to her, lacing their fingers together in a burst of confidence. Somehow, even more butterflies began to appear, and Farrah’s smile grew.

The two walked just like that in a comfortable silence for the rest of the journey to Farrah’s house. Well, it seemed comfortable for Farrah, but Aja? She was screaming internally. She’d never felt so on-edge in her life, yet so… happy? She couldn’t quite distinguish the emotion. The only thing she knew was that Farrah was causing this sudden panic, and the silence they were in only gave her the opportunity to dwell on the feeling more.

There had only ever been one other time where Aja had felt this strange concoction of emotions, and that was with Dahlia. She remembered how when they were close, all she felt was the crushing sense of infatuation. She always ended up nervous around her, too, often saying or doing the wrong thing - and she remembered how well that turned out.

Aja was never one to do a Sherlock Holmes investigation on her feelings, and it certainly didn’t take a genius to suss out the fact that she may have had the smallest, teeniest, tiniest crush on Farrah. The revelation made her feel sick to her stomach, but it was something she had to admit to herself. Maybe if she was lucky, the “butterflies” in her stomach were just indigestion.

“You okay?” Farrah asked her. “You’re quiet.”

Aja snapped out of her thoughts. “Oh, yeah, just thinking,” she responded.

“About what?”

You!, she shouted inside.

“Err, the tryouts,” she lied.

“Are you worried about them?” Farrah asked.

“I guess. We don’t have that much time left, and we still need to decide what music we’re using.”

Farrah squeezed her hand, pumping adrenaline throughout Aja’s body. “We’ll do amazing.”

Aja smiled at her. They eventually came to Farrah’s house, the sun just beginning to dip behind the clouds and cast a gold glow over the whole street. They both stopped just outside the door; Aja gazed over and admired how the sun’s warmth complimented Farrah’s hair and face.

“Text me if you need me, yeah?” Farrah said sincerely, still holding her hand.

“I will,” Aja replied, still smiling.

They quickly shared a hug and Aja was off home, her head spinning just as much as this morning. The more she told herself to stop overthinking it, the more it adhered itself to her mind. It all suddenly came crashing down on her like it’d fallen from the sky - she did like Farrah. Maybe just a little bit. It was possible, right?

-

Just as she got home, Aja’s phone began to ring. She dug it out of her bag, and for once it wasn’t Farrah - it was… Alexis?

Her stomach knotted as she held her phone to her ear. “Hello?” she said.

“Look, we need to sort this out,” Alexis said very matter-of-factly, “and I want to explain myself to you if that’s alright.”

“Go ahead.” She walked up the stairs to her room and sat at the edge of her bed.

“I wasn’t angry that you’re friends with Farrah, if that’s what you thought it was,” she told her.

Aja furrowed her eyebrows. “Right…” she said. “So, why did you get so mad at me?”

“I just wish you’d told us way before. You don’t like dishonesty either, so why’d you lie to us?”

“Because I knew people would freak out,” she said. “That’s why I waited until we all became closer, so maybe people would be more accepting.”

“Fair enough,” Alexis sighed contentedly. “So, are we good?”

“I guess. Thanks for explaining.”

“No problem. Thanks for listening.” Alexis hung up.

At least that was one weight off of Aja’s precariously balanced worries. She fell back on her bed and let the mattress and her sweater swallow her whole; it still smelled of Farrah’s perfume somehow, and the scent put a smile on her face, but also made her feel queasy.