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cosmosogler · 6 years

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hi guys. today was... tiring.

i had a dream in a similar vein to the one i had the other week about trying to take my classes from inside a mental hospital. except in this one there was margarita, from the master and margarita, i guess. and some other characters. margarita was supposed to help me get out of the hospital (a similar role to the one she played in the book she’s from) but while i was sitting in there looking out the window, she looked in, and saw me, and looked disgusted and embarrassed and left. i felt abandoned and there was no way out, and the guy whose head i was sitting in couldn’t do anything anyway.

actually i was in a weird position there, i was someone else, but also myself, and mostly just watching this other person go about his adventure. i could make comments or suggestions but not actually directly do anything. and i wasn’t allowed to remind him who he was, i don’t remember why that was a rule. he had no idea where he was.

well ok it was blue. he usually shows up with other characters but this one was just him and a bunch of people (largely my family) being total assholes to him while he was very confused.

ok i woke up at about 4 in the morning and couldn’t fall back asleep for quite some time. eventually i dozed off but it was light out the last time my eyes closed. my alarm went off at 8 and i groaned and flopped facedown curled up in bed for about a minute while my alarm did its thing. eventually i got up and showered and stuff.

i thought i left my apartment on time, but i got to the office five minutes late and had to run into the classroom and start teaching before i could actually get my bearings and remember the experiment. i even got a call from my supervisor, but it was right as i was getting into the building so i didn’t answer. i apologized to him later, and i let the last group stay the extra five minutes to make up for it.

teaching this lab was otherwise also kind of miserable because it involved a lot of kneeling down and then standing back up and my blood pressure could not handle it. and the nonstop questions meant i had to dart back and forth down a very crowded and busy aisle with a bunch of stuff sticking out everywhere while my blood pressure was making my head spin. i didn’t trip over anything or anyone so that was good.

after that i had lunch in harrison’s office and hung out with him and keegan, and then i graded for an hour and finished the section i’d been working on. then i realized i was late for my drc appointment so i jumped on my bike and booked it over there. i actually got there in less than 8 minutes, which is... a lot faster than normal, so i guess i am getting faster a little bit.

anyway i found out my appointment had been canceled and i hadn’t been notified in any way. so i biked back over to the office. that time was even more impressive because it was less than 7 minutes AND i hit both lights right as they turned red so i spent a lot of that time waiting. it was less distance uphill.

i read my textbook for an hour to try to get back on my feet in stat mech, and then i went to the lecture by barry barish. that was cool. i had a good time once we got through the history and a really long ode to one of his coworkers.

it wasn’t a literal ode, but it felt like a life story but told through shared inside jokes. which made it hard to follow.

after that i read for another hour, and then hung out with harrison for a few minutes, and then biked home. i made myself some dinner and knocked out some chores and continued my “fill the queue quest” and now i have an obnoxious amount of “content” lined up for the comic. i’ll try to balance it out with a little more fan works, because i ended up finding a landscape blog that i REALLY LIKED.

then i spent another hour reading the textbook and filling in some notes about the other two textbooks i’m reading, and THAT WAS EVERYTHING ON MY TO-DO LIST FOR THE DAY!!! I DID EVERYTHING!!!!

so i read a little farther into the book and drew two panels of the next page. i now have 2/15 panels done for the next upload. the whole scene is 37 panels but i’m splitting it into a two-page and a three-page. harrison’s starting to like nastasia too as i get to talk about her a little more. i’m glad he likes my characters, or, my interpretation of them i guess, since i did not make them.

now it’s midnight, which is about 10 minutes after i wanted to be in bed, but i wanted to feel melancholy about that dream for a little bit. i feel real powerless in almost all my dreams but this one was very direct about that feeling. i was not even present in the dream, i was just giving suggestions to this character. and he didn’t even take most of them unless i was REALLY insistent. i was angry on his behalf when people were super jerks to him and just really sad about the whole situation he found himself in.

it was a weird meta comment on dissociation i think. because i can’t seem to muster that energy to care about myself. most of the comments my dreams make are very weird but they almost always make me very sad.

ok that’s all. tomorrow my list is a little ambitious again but i thiiink i can handle it ok. i tried to pace everything out this weekend and based my to-do list on what i can usually get done (and then put one more thing on there to try to do better than before). i’m gonna try to sleep very soon. i want to. i’m very tired and still real bummed.

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