#also the dead birds are chill idk mood isnt real dead birds can be fun sometimes

[tsurangaconundrum]

honestly i think ive brought the mood down by talking about dead birds. but luckily i have a fun story about live birds! actually this is one that i find kinda strange myself.

im going to assume you know whatabouts the typical county fair looks like. actually you did say you dont have squirrels so mbby ur not american... it basically looks like theres this huge field and a huge barn and a rather decent sized inside bit and a few little wooden structures nearby to make shade. and pretty much all year its super empty, i think part of it becomes a dog park the rest of the time? i dunno. anyway, once a year a carnival will roll in and the ffa and 4-h roll in and the entire place is filled with trailers and tents and rides and, especially with animals. and it goes on for like a week, opens rlly early and closes rlly late. i know we had a rather large fair where i live. its a Big Deal.

now, if youre a regular person youll go to the fair maybe once or twice, look at some of the historical stuff or whatever thats in the building, maybe walk through the barn, go on a few rides visit a few vendors, and go home. if you’re participating in the fair its a whole nother story. ill spare you the details but it involves getting up early grooming a pissy animal that youve been raising all year specifically for this (or training for this, it depends on what you do. i wont be talking about my own experience because i’m pretty sure you’d be able to find out exactly where i live from it and im not too keen on that) getting dressed up (white buttondown shirt, wipe the mud off your boots, and new jeans) and driving down to the fairgrounds to set up in either a tent or a barn.

so i find the tent im supposed to be in and we start setting up. since we were a small group they stuck us in a tent with another small group, a handful of chickens, some fancy, some just regular hens, but all pretty. so anyway we get judged, my animal will only perform AFTER the judging when its not her turn so it didnt count (but she fucking nailed it). and apparently she wasnt a good example of her breed or whatever but idc how much experience this guy has she was damn cute and had straight legs and everything. (im not mad about not winning im mad that he went out of his way to be a dick). (also my sister won and she was also a dick.)

anyway, we start slowing down, its hot as the dickens, so im just trying to keep myself and my animal cool until we can leave. so i look over at the other side of the tent and youll never fucking believe this: these dudes are dressing up their chickens. IT WAS A CHICKEN COSTUME CONTEST. have you ever heard of such a thing???? so of course i stick around for the judging. and admiring these hand sown chicken garments. im talking dresses and little hats and even props, it was a damn beauty pageant. i kept expecting mama june to come through the door with her toddler. ok and this wasnt /just/ a chicken costume contest, oh no, i wasnt clear on if they have a theme every year or if this is just how they do it, but it was a historical chicken costume contest.

there were only a few chickens there. apparently runway training a hen isnt a popular hobby, cant imagine why, but oh boy were they fabulous. its been maybe... i wanna say six years so excuse me if my memory is fuzzy.

most of the chickens were dressed fairly sparsely, draping things, hats, etc. dont get me wrong these were still incredible (ex; chicken abraham lincon. chicken cowboy that i should probably reckognize. chicken union solider.) but compared to this one guy they were party city cuz this guy had sewn an honest to god suffragette costume for his lovely red hen. he blew the competition out of the water even though his hen wasn’t fancy and i think the moral of this story is that it doesnt matter who you are or how good at things you are if youve got great legs and know how to sew youll make it in life. pretty sure mark twain said that. i just- words cannot describe seeing this chicken in her blue dress and her sunhat with the sash and the “voting rights now!” sign. it was magnificent! i havent been able to find the chicken costume contest since and now the only proof that it ever existed is on my moms shitty old camera. i think.

why did the chicken cross the road? for women’s voting rights.

my ask box is now a bird confessional do not send asks unless youre talking about birds thank you very much.