#also there's about 100 fics so far that never left patreon

[impala-dreamer]

i honestly don't know why i'm doing this but i've come too far to stop

[ask-the-guiding-light-cast]

Guiding Light turns two years old today!

It’s crazy to think this all began only a couple of years back... and also hilarious it falls on the same day as “International Mystery Dungeon Day” over on Twitter. More after the cut. This is gonna be a long one, so I appreciate anyone willing to read this. ^^

For a long time, I had been a casual consumer of fan fics. It started in the late 2000s when I was in a Spyro craze thanks to the more story-driven Legend of Spyro trilogy. I had an itch that I needed scratched and FFN fulfilled that to some extent. I also looked at some Mario fics, including Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun, which I greatly enjoyed and thought did a good job adapting the formula that made Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door so beloved and putting a unique spin on things.

But it was until the early 2010s that I actually started getting back into Pokémon games with Gen V. After Emerald, I fell out of touch with Pokémon for a time. When Gen VI came around, I dipped my toe into the fandom through Twitch livestreams, but also through reading a few anime-based fics that are very long and still going, even now. 

At the same time, I ended up buying PMD: Explorers of Sky... and damaged my cartridge before I could properly finish the game with my Vulpix/Riolu team. So, I watched cutscenes for what I missed on YouTube, then got Gates to Infinity and, later, Super Mystery Dungeon and had fun with both of them... though more for the stories and characters than the actual gameplay. Truth be told, I don’t care much for roguelikes at all.

It was during the gap in time between Super’s release and the first official footage of Sun & Moon in mid-2016 that I found myself hit with a recurring thought: “What if someone made a PMD story where the hero and the partner are forced to fight one another with the fate of the world at stake?” I wound up (loosely) brainstorming an idea for a PMD story revolving around an antagonistic Hoopa character who would use its ring portals to collect entire communities, including the Pokémon living in them... all so that he would never be bored. This would lead him to “collect” the partner to add to his “toys,” so when the hero shows up, he’d sic the partner on them.

But that was as far as I got with the idea. I ended up graduating college and took a job with late evening hours. It left me pretty tired and exhausted and unmotivated to do much of anything. I withdrew from the parts of the Pokémon community I was involved in.

Then the Generation VII games came out and, while divisive in the fandom, I found myself really liking some of the concepts. There were so many times when I thought, “Gee, I wonder what this would be like if it were in a PMD game?” For example, one of the ideas I had was a sort of edgy rival rescue team akin to Gladion, which would have a Midnight Lycanroc, a Zoroark, and a Type: Null character in it.

So, toward the end of 2016 and early 2017, I started creating an idea for a Choose Your Own Adventure story with the intent of putting it on this really small forum I was a part of. It would be a Gen VII-themed PMD story, but because I didn’t think that sounded interesting enough, I decided that, not only would the human keep their memories, but they would be from the real world and be a major Pokémon nerd. The idea was that the choices the readers made would affect the relationship between the human and partner. I even came up with a point system. The more points the readers earned for their choices, the “closer” the relationship the hero and partner would have and the happier an ending the story would get. If the hero and partner couldn’t stand each other, one of them would likely end up working with the bad guy and winning. If they became steadfast friends, they’d work together to save the world.

Unfortunately, the forum shut down before I got too far into planning it, so I shelved the idea and continued focusing on my job. And things stayed that way for several months, until I ended up getting into med school and scrambling to move.

During the downtime I had when I wasn’t doing moving related stuff, I decided to look at FFN again and found Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Defenders of Warmth. I wound up reading through the entirety of the story quite quickly. I guess you could say it sparked something in my head. The fic itself focuses on what, at the time, was the newest Gen (Gen V). It also has multiple humans and is set on a continent separate from the canon locations (which were just the Air and Grass Continents, since Gates and Super didn’t exist when the fic was written). In short, it renewed my desire to pursue my idea of a Gen VII-flavored PMD story.

So, I set about creating my story outline. It is so... so much different from the actual story, though I’ve gone into that in previous posts (search for #amby answers). Originally, I used Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time as the framework for the fic: an alien invasion in a colorful, comedic world. I took more specific cues, too. Zero was meant to be a (mostly) silent antagonist a la Princess Shroob, for example.

The problem was, I really didn’t have much confidence in myself or my abilities. I’d like to say I was writing for myself, but I really did want validation, too. I think any author is lying to themselves if they say they don’t feel this way at some point. Because of this, I figured if I put the fic on FFN, it would get ignored. The site’s huge! There were, at the time, around 85k fics in the Pokémon section alone. (That number’s since gone up to over 90k!)

Given I had experience with forums, I decided to post it to Serebii, because the fic community seemed much smaller and more open to giving feedback to one another. In an effort to try and, y’know, establish some connections, I actually read other pieces and reviewed them before posting any stories. This also helped me build up a backlog of chapters and prove to myself I enjoyed writing this enough to keep going.

When I finally did post the fic, it was a bumpy start, for sure. I do think I made a lot of mistakes out of the gate, including uploading chapters way too quickly for readers on Serebii to (reasonably) try to keep pace. That probably cost me a few potential readers... or made them silent readers who I never ended up hearing from. Which is why I’m especially thankful to @girl-like-substance (who I can seem to tag, drat) for all of the well-thought-out feedback given throughout the fic’s run. I don’t think I would’ve made such significant strides in my writing otherwise... and there are plenty of long-running fics where the quality tends to stagnate.

In any case... it was thanks to a request from @deliriousabsol to put the fic somewhere more mobile-friendly that I chose to mirror Guiding Light on FFN starting in October 2017. I would’ve kept going on Serebii had she not asked so nicely, so she’s the one you can thank for it showing up there! (She’s a fellow author who does cyberpunk-themed fics and art and her characters have cameoed in the fic.)

And, honestly, I’m just... beyond shocked at what wound up happening to the fic once it hit FFN. Well, actually, for the first several months I was lucky if I even got a comment when I put up a chapter. I’m not sure any of the people who first commented on FFN still follow the fic anymore. I haven’t seen/heard from them at all, so I assumed they moved on with their lives.

In any case, around March of 2018, the word count on FFN passed 300k and... somehow, the fic starting getting more attention. Like, a lot more attention. This was... not really something I was even remotely prepared for.

(Yes, this means there’s gonna be a giveaway. More on that later.) I never would’ve thought I’d reach a number like this. I never imagined I’d meet another PMD author who’d be willing to do a fun collab (thanks @virgil134, Spiteful Murkrow, and Namohysip). I really did not imagine that I’d ever get fanart of characters that I wrote (huge thanks @thebreak-ofdawn, @ask-nicky-and-others, and @cresselia92). I mean, above everything, I not expect the fic or characters to resonate with anybody the way it wound up.

A part of me feels like I don’t really deserve it. I’ve made a lot of serious gaffes with writing this. When initial Serebii feedback had people intrigued by Shane’s jerkass attitude (when I didn’t actually intend for him to come off as a jerk), I dialed things up in the hopes I’d keep their attention. It probably cost me readers. Then there’s the slow pacing of the early episodes and the mistake of making Special Episode 3 as long as it was... which my speaks to my (bad) tendency to give into some of my strongest impulses even though I had an outline I was trying to stick to.

And, I mean, there’s also some of the “shamlessly shameful” stuff I’ve done with the fic. I’m not fooling myself. Guiding Light has grown progressively more furry and, uh, probably fanservicey, too. All the big furbait (and some scalebait) ‘mons are accounted for. There’s a lot more sexual humor when I initially promised myself I would stay away from romance and keep everything platonic. I practically turned Xerneas into waifu bait, if some of these asks are anything to go by. This blog certainly didn’t help in that regard. Maybe I’m just being my usual nervous self? 

I am worried that this fic’s performance has, somehow, affected my thoughts and behavior. There are very popular fic authors who let their popularity get to their head... or chose to open up Patreons (something that makes me uncomfortable) or start doing things like taking commissions for written pieces, which is understandable... though I think it’s an easy way to lose your passion for writing. I guess some of that worry stems from a debacle I learned about on a Discord server I’m in, but that’s not something I’m comfortable discussing publicly. 

And I haven’t even talked much about the blog itself. Like, it somehow passed 100 followers? Where? When? How? I don’t actually draw stuff like many other Pokéasks. And, like, for a lot of folks, I have no idea if they’ve actually read the fic or just check in on the blog. It’s the same with the fic, I suppose. If you’re a silent reader/follower, I would really love to hear from you! I promise... I don’t bite or anything. I’d love to know what (if anything) you’re thinking. And if you’re a blog that’s following this one and we haven’t interacted, please feel free to reach out! It’s honestly hard to tell if people like what I’m doing, so any feedback is always appreciated.

In any case, if I haven’t lost you by now, I guess all I can say is... thank you. Thank you all so much for all of the support... whether it’s on the fic, the blog, or both of them. I really do hope this final episode can meet your expectations. I’ll try my very best to make this an ending to remember. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you guys enjoy it and feel it does justice to the PMD series.

Sorry for all the rambling. The inbox is open again if you’d like to send any messages for the ficaversary. Again, thank you all so much! You’re the best!

[whoneedsapublisher]

Nico’s Magic

And finally, the week of fics for Studio Coattail’s patreon launch comes to an end. I hope you’ve all enjoyed it. For our last one, we have a special treat: the most pornographic thing I’ve ever posted. I’ve been sitting on this for ages because I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to post it, but here it is. NozoNico, and technically a sequel to Happy Maid Day by Chiro, but you don’t need to have read that to understand it. 

Words: ~4000

Summary: Hello! It's me, Nico Yazawa, and I have a juicy secret to tell all of my fans.

Also on Ao3

Hello, hello, adoring fans! It’s me, Nico Yazawa, the universe’s number one super idol, known by every idol fan from Earth to… um… Saturn? Saturn’s a planet, right? Anyway! The great Nico is a famous and talented idol, beloved by all! Her skill as an idol, and frankly sinful cuteness, made her a household name ever since high school. Okay, so there were minor setbacks early in her career. Every good star has a tale of adversity, right? Once μ’s happened, it was all fine! Well, until μ’s ended, and there was little bit of a slump, and- look, not important! I made it to the big time, that’s what matters!

Buuuut being adorable and gifted and fashionable isn’t the whole Nico story, of course! There’s other things to an idol! And… alright, fine. Look. This isn’t really an idol thing, okay? In fact, it’s something I worked damn hard to keep under wraps as an idol, because it’s the sort of thing that would have the same effect on an idol career as a pack of fireworks on a house of cards.

I kinda have… magic. No, not the magic to make anyone smile! That’s just 100% all natural Nico Nico charm! No talismans, hexes, or spells involved! With a face as cute and a smile as radiant as Nico’s, you don’t need magic to make the world smile with you!

No, it’s something entirely unrelated. Really, it’s pretty underwhelming. Disappointing, even. When you hear “magic” you think like, making things float, or throwing fireballs around, or making things disappear, right? Well, I kind of have that last thing. The problem is, it only works on clothes.

And only if I’m wearing them.

Yeah. Not exactly superhero stuff, is it? You can see why I don’t exactly go spreading it around.

I first found out about it by accident. Through, uh, a certain chain of unfortunate events, I ended up… um… acting as a maid for a friend. It’s a long story, okay! Way too long to explain now, just forget it, it’s not important! Anyway, while Nico Ni was pure innocent maiden, Nozomi has always been a pervert, and so my mind… may have wandered to what kind of weird stuff she might make me do. And, I maybe kiiiiinda had a crush on her, so I was sorta fantasizing a little… Honestly, though, who wouldn’t assume that she had perverted intentions?! She made me dress up as a maid for her, and even had special lingerie! Which was the perfect size! Who even knows their friends’ underwear size?!

Anyway, I was standing there, watching Nozomi eat the delicious meal I made for her (and trust me, it was super delicious, I’m sure it blew her mind) and thinking about what she was going to make me do next and then… it happened.

It was sort of like… an involuntary twitch. Like when your hand moves without you meaning it to. Except instead of my hand, it was whatever controls my power. All of a sudden, a part of me I never knew I had before moved, and I was suddenly in my underwear.

Nozomi seemed… remarkably undisturbed about it, honestly. Maybe she thought I’d just stripped and hidden the outfit when she was distracted with her food? Really, that should have gotten a little more reaction out of her as well, jeez… I mean, her super cute idol friend, as far as she thought, had randomly stripped to pose in her underwear in front of her? Shouldn’t she be like, super grateful at getting to see something so amazing? Also, annoyingly, she had a second identical outfit for me, so it didn’t even get me out of playing a maid! But by the time I left (not without further humiliation, I might add) it seemed like she’d completely forgotten that I’d suddenly lost my clothes at one point.

I didn’t, though.

At first, I thought Nozomi was behind it. After all, she barely seemed surprised when it happened, which was pretty damn suspicious. She was always going on about having spiritual powers, after all. Who was to say that they didn’t include stripping innocent girls she’d lured into her lair?

Eventually, though, I noticed it. A feeling of… holding something. Not in my hands, obviously. They were clearly empty. But there was this… look, “feeling” is the only word for it, okay? Jeez, you try explaining the sensation of holding something with your hands to a snake or something! It’s just something you know! You can feel it!

After a while, it started to bug me, so I tried to… drop it? I guess? Whatever the action was, that weird sensation of something that was part of me but not there moving happened again, and suddenly I was wearing that stupid maid outfit again, over my pyjamas.

So obviously there was some more experimenting, and then a whole thing of trying to smuggle the maid outfit back into Nozomi’s house, but in the end, I had this new power that I’d figured out how to use.

So… remember how the first time it happened, I ended up mostly naked in front of the girl I liked, standing in the middle of her living room?

Um. It turns out, I… kinda liked it.

Of course, it wasn’t like I could do anything about it. I was an idol after all. Scandal is poison to an idol, and exhi-… and being naked in front of people is a really easy way to generate it. So I didn’t really use my power for a few years. Oh, I mean, I used it here and there, to change outfits really quickly or something, but nothing big.

Sometimes when I was on stage, though, the temptation would hit me.

What if I used it right then? What if, just for a second, I made all my clothes disappear, with a million people’s eyes on me?

It was just a fantasy, obviously. At an idol concert, someone is always taking a picture, or video, or both. If I was naked for even a fraction of a second, it would be plastered over every gossip website before the concert even ended. My career would be dead right there, and killing the wonderful Nico Ni’s career would be a crime against all of humanity. But it was an intoxicating fantasy. The idea of all those eyes on me suddenly seeing everything, of so many people seeing me like that. And even before I stopped being an idol I started to… indulge a little.

It started small. Sometimes, when I was travelling between places, or waiting around somewhere, I’d make my underwear vanish. No one could tell, of course, but under my skirt, for a minute or two, my panties would be gone, or my bra would vanish out from under my blouse. There wasn’t even any risk, I rationalised to myself. If an unexpected breeze or something came along, I could re-appear them instantly, before anything happened. Then I started to make myself totally naked in bathroom stalls, and eventually even changing rooms. Just for a moment! When I was sure no one was watching! But it still gave me a thrill. Just imagining how people didn’t even know how close they were to seeing cutesy innocent pop star Nico, baring her body to the world for anyone to see.

Not long before I retired, I started getting really dangerous. I’d go down to the convenience store late at night, bundled up in a trenchcoat and hat and glasses and everything, and I’d vanish everything underneath it. It gave me a huge thrill to buy something from a bored looking clerk, knowing that only my jacket was stopping him from seeing me totally naked. Luckily, nothing ever went too wrong, but there were a couple heart-stopping moments where I had to quickly reappear my clothes when my coat got caught on something or someone bumped into me. It was a dumb risk, but I just couldn’t resist it. After one of those sessions, I’d rush home to touch myself, and the orgasms I had then were more powerful than anything I’d ever experienced before.

I suppose it only made sense that I couldn’t hide it forever. The one who found out first was obvious too.

Nozomi caught me vanishing my underwear once. I don’t really know how- I suspect she was just staring at my boobs so intently that she noticed my bra vanish. I mean, really, who could blame her? I am pretty hot.

“Nico, are you not wearing a bra?” she asked.

“Uh, what? Of course I am,” I said, bringing it back hurriedly.

Nozomi narrowed her eyes. “You are now,” she said. “But you weren’t a second ago. How did you do that?” Suddenly, she gasped. “Is this something to do with that time you vanished that maid outfit back in high school?”

She still remembered it, after all that time. Geez, that woman’s poker face is just too good. She barely reacted to it in the moment but it stuck in her head for years?

For a moment, I almost lied to her. It would be easy, after all. Convincing someone you don’t have magic powers? Reality’s already done 99% of the work for you.

But then she said something that I couldn’t ignore. Apparently, my power wasn’t the only thing she’d figured out. She’d also figured out that there was only one reason why I’d do something like that with it.

“You know, Nico,” she said, right as I opened my mouth to deny her claim. “I’m watching you right now. Very closely.”

I swallowed nervously. “S-So what?”

“So,” she said, leaning forward and capturing my eyes with hers, her gaze so intense I couldn’t look away. “I wonder if there’s anything you want me to see?”

So, you know how I said I had a crush on her back in high school? That, uh, hadn’t entirely faded. Frankly, I don’t think I even made the conscious decision to use my power. My brain was so overloaded from the situation that my libido took over, and just like that, I was standing naked in front of Nozomi’s couch, everything exposed to her searching gaze.

There’s really not that many ways you can react to something like that. Either you get freaked out and kick a beautiful, stunning, maybe-not-that-innocent ex-idol out on the street and delete her number because you don’t know how valuable what you just found was, orrrr you make the right choice and snap her up before someone else does. And Nozomi definitely snapped me up.

I guess we skipped a few steps, really. We weren’t even going out when I stood up from the couch, but as soon as I used my power, Nozomi went for it in no uncertain terms.

“Oh my,” she said, her gaze sweeping over me and making me so wet that I was probably dripping on her rug. “That’s quite something to see, isn’t it?”

“I’m glad you appreciate it,” I said smugly, putting my hands on my hips. My heart beat a little faster at the utterly brazen pose I was taking. “Not just anyone gets to see this much of the famous Nico Yazawa, you know?”

“No, I suppose not,” Nozomi said. “They’re certainly missing out.”

Nozomi shifted forward, resting her chin on her hand and meeting Nico’s eyes again. “You should probably deal with your situation down there, Niccochi.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Nozomi said, smiling calmly. “You’re dripping wet. Isn’t there something you usually do when that happens?”

My heart beat so hard that I swear Nozomi must have been able to hear it. My head spun. Poor little Nico Ni was so overwhelmed by how fast this was all happening, she never even thought about protesting. Instead, I slid my hand down my body and brushed against my pussy with a finger, letting out a strangled little moan as I did.

Nozomi just watched patiently as I started to rub little circles around myself, my other hand sliding up to grasp my breast. Nozomi’s eyes weren’t on mine anymore, as she openly stared at my pussy, but I couldn’t look away from hers. Watching those eyes, staring at me with such intensity, I felt like I was on fire, and I started to touch myself faster and rougher, desperate to satisfy the desire that she was stoking in me.

It was probably barely a minute before it was all too much for me. It was the first time I came in front of Nozomi, but it was far from the last.

To call Nozomi an enabler would be like saying a can of gasoline “enables” a campfire. With her help, and more importantly, at her insistence, I’ve started doing things that I wouldn’t have even dreamed of before.

We’ll go to movies and sit at the back corner, and as soon as the lights went down, Nozomi will tell me to vanish my clothes, and slowly play with me as the movie goes on. Sometimes she won’t even touch me at first, one time waiting almost an hour, letting me get distracted by the movie before she slid her hands between my legs and wiped it from my mind completely. Other times, she’ll bring me almost over the edge and then stop abruptly, letting me simmer in my frustration as she cheerfully watches whatever’s playing and I squirm in my seat, only to finally give me release after the movie ends, pulling me into the bathroom and sitting me down in a stall, then eating me out as I clamp my hands over my mouth to stop myself from being heard.

Other times, we’ll be in the middle of a crowd, and Nozomi will suddenly hug me close, enveloping me in her jacket, and tell me to vanish my clothes, leaving me only hidden by Nozomi’s coat, always waiting until just before I panic before she lets me bring my clothes back. We’ll go to packed festivals, and she’ll pull me away into an alley only feet away from the crowds and shove me face first against the wall, her hand over my mouth and her fingers inside me, whispering into my ear what a girl good I am as she roughly fucks me.

Of course, we don’t always do it outside. Nico Ni is a generous lover, of course. It’s not just about my pleasure. I like to make Nozomi feel good too, you know? She may love indulging my exhibitionism, but she has no desire to do it herself. Besides, she doesn’t have my power. If she got caught, she’d have no way to get out of the situation.

So we do it at home, too. Of course, Nozomi doesn’t always go for vanilla sex there, either. She loves making me strip for her, making me masturbate in front of her, and, well… look, once you have stuff like that, of course she’s going to start getting into being a dom, and making me “service” her. Nico isn’t so ungrateful that she’s going to complain about being ordered to eat out her girlfriend and having her hair pulled a little when she’s that girlfriend’s hard work and creativity is giving her the best orgasms of her life, right?

But my favourite time was when she let me live out my biggest fantasy.

Nozomi seems to have an endless web of people that she knows in one way or another, through some vague connection that I wouldn’t have even thought of. Somehow, through one of these people, she managed to find out about a sort of… theatre, or a concert hall sort of place, that was being closed down. The building was already sold, of course, but they were planning to tear everything down and build an apartment building there, so the security system had already been gutted and scrapped for parts. On the night before it was going to be demolished, we snuck inside.

Now of course, Nico Ni is eighteen forever, buuut, well, as the years go on she starts being… a little more eighteen, and not all of her old idol outfits still fit, exactly. But one or two do. And I had one of those with me that night, hidden in… wherever clothes go when I vanish them.

Nozomi had a little bag with her. Once we got backstage, I switched my clothes to the idol outfit, and Nozomi reached into her bag and pulled out two things I wasn’t expecting. The first was a pair of headphones.

The second was a blindfold.

It wasn’t a normal black strip of cloth, either. It was a mask, with fake eyes on it, so that when I was wearing it, it would look from a distance like I could see through it, but would actually completely block my vision.

I looked at her, confused, but she just smiled. “Put them on, Nico,” she said, and, well, she was kinda using her sexy voice, and usually when she uses that voice I just kinda… do what she says.

Obviously, with a blindfold on I couldn’t see anything, but to my surprise, the headphones blocked sound quite well.

Suddenly, I heard Nozomi’s voice in my ears. The directional audio on the headphones must have been good, because it sounded like she was right next to me, whispering into my ear. “Your public awaits, miss idol.”

I felt her grab my hand, and let myself be dragged out onto what must be the stage. She grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me to the left. To face the audience of course. Carefully, she lead me forward until I ran into a curtain, then turned me around and walked me to the wall. Showing me where the edges were. Then she moved me to the center of the stage again and let go.

“Okay, Nico,” came her voice in the headphones again. “Get ready to perform. You’re on in 3… 2… 1…”

Suddenly, music blared through the headphones, accompanied by the sound of a curtain sliding open and  a sudden cheer. It wasn’t just any music, either. It was one of my songs.

It had been years since I performed, but, well, Nico Ni is an idol to the bone. It wasn’t like I’d ever forget how. I slid into my routine like it was completely natural. The crowd cheered, the music blared, and it was like I was sent back in time, performing in a relatively small theatre, but to devoted and thrilled fans, a packed house roaring and singing along. I almost forgot where and when I was, sinking into my routine and focusing on getting the next step right, even though I couldn’t see my feet. Then, right at the climax of the song, I heard Nozomi’s voice in my ears again.

“Now, take off your clothes.”

At this point, I didn’t even think about it when she said that. Instantly, I vanished my outfit.

Suddenly, the cheers in my headphones turned into gasps. I froze up. With the blindfold and the headphones, I couldn’t see anything, and I could only hear what Nozomi let me hear. Ultimately… I had no idea if we were really alone in the theatre. For all I knew, Nozomi had secretly set up a special concert, and was just playing the noises around me into the headphones. The crowd murmured, confused. I could feel their eyes on me. I could practically see the shock on their faces.

“And 3… 2….” Nozomi was whispering to me again, and the music started back up. I felt back into my routine, but it now it was different. The crowd was cheering again, but there was an edge to it now, whoops and jeers. Every step felt different as my naked body waved and moved. Then, suddenly, Nozomi slipped her arms around me and slapped rotors on to my nipples, taping them in place with one deft motion.

I faltered.

“Keep dancing, Nico,” Nozomi said, her force harsh and urgent. “Do. Not. Stop.”

I kept dancing, automatically, like a puppet on her strings. Nozomi turned on the rotors, and I whimpered, my steps getting shaky. The crowd roared, their cheering and hollering accelerating. This… this was real. I’d been tricked. I was really naked, in front of a huge crowd of fans.

I was shaking now, barely able to keep up my steps. The end of this song was mostly swaying in place and hand gestures, and I felt Nozomi press herself against my back, and her strapon slipped inside me. It wasn’t hard. I was so wet that I’d almost slipped on my own juices. The cheering got louder as she began to thrust as I helplessly kept dancing, my legs barely holding up. They were all watching. All of their eyes were burning into me, and they were all watching me get fucked like a slut while I performed. Everyone was watching. A million eyes were watching, oh god, the song was almost over, everyone was watching and I couldn’t hold back any more, they were all going to see me cum-

Nozomi’s hand came from nowhere and firmly stimulated my clit just as the song ended, and with a giant audience looking on in glee, I came harder than I’ve ever cum before, and all my senses fizzled out.

When I could think again, I was lying on the floor in Nozomi’s lap, the rotors gone. Shakily, I pushed up the blindfold.

The curtain was still closed. The theatre was still dark. When I pulled off one ear of the headphones, I was met with silence broken only by Nozomi’s soft humming as she stroked my hair, bringing me down to earth again.

“Well, Niccochi?” she said. “Did you enjoy your idol flashing play?”

I glanced over and saw her laptop sitting by us. There was some kind of audio mixing software open. “You… set all that up?”

Nozomi smiled. “Well, I may have had some help with some of the sound design. I’m afraid my helper thought it was for editing an old video of your performances, though. Wouldn’t he be shocked to know the real reason?”

I just gaped at her.

I don’t know how she figured me out. I know it wasn’t just that one occurrence where she caught me disappearing my bra. Nozomi’s smart, and cautious. She wouldn’t have made an accusation like that if she didn’t know for sure, and she wouldn’t have remembered something from all the way back in highschool at a second’s notice. She must have pieced it together before, sometime earlier, and waited for a chance to strike. However she did it, she saw through me, and that’s how we ended up lovers.

And I couldn’t be happier about it. The great Nico Ni wouldn’t settle for just anyone, but as I shakily sat up to kiss my wonderful girlfriend as I came down from the high of living out my ultimate fantasy, I was confident that I’d actually managed to find the one girl worthy of having Nico all to herself.

Of course, even after living out the best, we’re still trying new things. That’s why I’m writing this, without changing any names. You’re reading it right now because I posted it publicly on the internet. Not on my official accounts or anything, of course, so don’t run off to those to check that this comes from an “official source”. Don’t be an idiot. Nico is still Nico. But still, I’m telling you everything. Exposing how I expose myself. Right now, Nozomi is reading this over my shoulder with a finger inside me, moving slowly, keeping me on the edge. As soon as it’s posted, she’s going to fuck my brains out while we watch the live comment feed.

It’s up to you if you believe this is real or not. Certainly, if any of you are dumb enough to ask me, I’ll say it’s not. I’ll get mad, and claim it’s an internet hoax, and be furious at the pervert who tried to slander Nico Ni’s good name. And hey, maybe that denial will be true. Maybe all this is a lie, and I’m not really Nico. I don’t really care what you believe, honestly. Just saying it all is enough to me, even if you think it’s a lie. And if you think it’s true, well… I’m not an idol anymore. I don’t have to care about unsubstantiated internet rumours anymore.

But whether you believe me or not, do me a favour. If you see me, out there in the world, taking a walk with my girlfriend… watch me. Keep your eyes focused on Nico. Look at me, and only me. And maybe, just maybe, if you’re really lucky… you’ll see something worth staring at.

-Nico Yazawa

[motherlyra]

Nightmare Midnight

New Sans Days series….? Kinda??? I wanted to write some Gaster-centric fics that were still based in Sans Days, more into the future. Same rules as Sans Nights (Chapters are optionally-canon, reader’s gender will never be specified but genitalia might be mentioned with warnings if necessary, mostly just for smut or non-plot fun), tho added on I suppose Gaster is somewhat in a poly relationship with Reader and Sans. Well, not established in this chapter, but maybe future ones? Idk man, I just felt like writing the Gast-bro.

Main reason I wrote this is that I don’t do well with scary movies and nightmares, and writing this helped me get out of my jitteriness after both encounters lol. The nightmare is 100% an actual nightmare I had- and let me tell you it was The Worst. This chapter was basically self-therapy for me tbh.

Warnings: Haaaaa the nightmare is a metaphor for my life. I’m writing some seriously personal shit down so I hope you all appreciate how fucking terrifying my nightmares are. Body horror, nightmare shit. You should know the drill.

Also this might be like the first writing I've posted that doesn't have a cliffhanger. Don't get me wrong, I originally had one, but I wanted closure for myself lmao. Enjoy!

[Sans Days/Nights]

[Buy me a coffee] [Patreon]

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“You cannot honestly still be thinking about that film.” Gaster’s voice caused you to jump slightly from the bed. You looked over, seeing him standing in the doorway to your room with a judgmental look on his face. “You barely watched ten minutes of it before giving into your fear and claiming you were too tired.”

“How- Whaaa? Nahh...” You tried to play it cool, pushing the blankets so they weren't as bunched close to your chest as you originally had them.

“The past twenty minutes I have been sitting on that couch utterly full of determination, which only happens during times of your adrenaline. I think we both know by this point the only thrill you get nowadays is by being terrified.” Gaster clarified with slight exaggeration and rolling his eye halos. You quickly motioned your hand in a lazy wave and trying to play off the very true statement he just said.

“Pssh. Yeah right. That movie didn’t scare me. It's just... taxes. And things.” You could tell by his face that he wasn't convinced. “Bills. That sort of thing. Normal humans get stressed about that sort of thing.” You continued, seeing that he was even less convinced now. He sighed and walked over to your bed, sitting down next to you but keeping his eyes to the wall.

“You are, by far, the worst liar I have ever met.” He muttered.

“If people knew you were a good liar, wouldn’t that mean you were a bad liar?” You asked, and you saw his eyebrow bone raise ever so slightly. Haha, point one for you.

“Hmm. Valid point. However, I can literally feel how quickly your heart is beating, and I highly doubt ‘taxes and things’ are the cause of that.” He glanced down at you, and you felt static at your toes. “Forgive me for not being my brother in this situation, I am sure he would be much better at comforting you than I would be. Perhaps I could visit his work for you?”

“Oh, no- of course not! He is on bad enough terms with his boss already… Really, I’m fine. You can go back to the movie, sorry I made you worried…” You sat up.

“Incorrect.”

“Huh?” You asked, blinking at his objecting, and not sure what exactly you got wrong.

“You did not make me worried, I was simply concerned about the excessive amounts of fear you were under.” He explained, and to you it sounded like what you just said but with more words. “Perhaps you would get better results for sleeping if you attempted it on the couch. I will put something else on the television for you.” Gaster stood and started walking towards the door.

“What? No it’s okay, you don’t have to-” You quickly objected, pausing when he turned back to face you with glowing haloes. White, so he wasn’t using his magic, but it was still very ominous in the darkness of the room.  

“I know I do not have to do anything you request. However, you did not request this of me, correct?” He offered, slight tilt of his head. “Living room.” He finished, gracefully turning away and walking out of your sight.

Your head spun at the confusing roundabout way Gaster seemed to care about you, and quickly slipped out of your bed and grabbed the blanket and pillow. When you got to the living room, Gaster was sitting on one side of the couch, the rest of it had been cleared. You paused, not exactly knowing how Gaster wanted you to sleep on the couch with him on it. He saw your hesitation and patted the armrest next to him.

“Papyrus told me that humans calm down when their head is being rubbed, similar to dogs, is that correct?” He asked, and you had to hold back your laughter.

“I mean…  I suppose? Last time Papyrus did it to me it really helped, but that was when Sans was… well...” You trailed off, not exactly sure if that was still a touchy subject. Gaster nodded anyway, repeating the patting motion to the armrest.

“Then rest your head here, I shall try my best to comfort despite my inexperience.” His gaze went back to the tv, and you saw that he had just some human show on with the volume low as it possibly could without it being muted, subtitles on. You felt a bit awkward about it but maybe he had a good idea. You placed the pillow on his lap and carefully crawled on, getting your head comfortable on the arm rest.

You felt the blanket adjusted to be more even on you before Gaster’s holed hand rested on top of your head, startling you ever so slightly. Gaster let out a low chuckle.

“Do not be so jumpy with me. The point of this is to calm you down.” Despite what he said, his voice still sounded slightly humored. You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment, thankful that you weren’t facing him. “Go ahead and rest. No aliens from other planets will be after you tonight. I shall fend them off for you.”

You couldn’t help but to give a laugh at that. “Pft. Thanks Gaster... I really appreciate it.” You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, allowing yourself to take comfort in the slow motions Gaster’s hand made atop your head. After a little while he rested his other hand on your back, getting into a more comfortable position himself.

The quiet background noise of the tv helped keep the images of the alien from the movie out of your head, and you felt your breathing slow, and darkness accept you.

.

It is just a game.

It is just a game.

It is just a game.

You had to keep repeating that phrase to yourself as you ran in the office hallways, feeling the panic rising up inside of you. Even though you couldn’t remember how you ended up testing someone’s new Virtual Reality game they made. They didn’t tell you it was a horror game.

They didn’t tell you how realistic everything would seem.

You could see the damp mold along all of the edges of the walls, the spiderwebs that caught the flickering fluorescent lights just right, the sound of something coming from the hallways behind you. You hated it.

Trying to keep whatever was behind you as far back as physically possible, you kept running until you met another hallway intersection. Three choices laid before you, none of them ones you would ever choose in any other circumstances. The one to your left was drenched in darkness, but the bright light further down that way allowed you to see a massive lump silhouette against one of the walls, like a cocoon of some sort. The middle choice had better but still dim lighting, but you could see where the tiles have been broken up and replaced with something lumpy and fleshy, and you could see it pulse and move. The rightmost choice was a hallway that had a flickering light, allowing you to make out scratches and cracks all along it’s floor and walls.

This choice was a lot easier than some of the other hallways, at least. You gritted your teeth and ran through the right hallway, only to notice the bugs crawling out of cracks as you already started making your way down. You smacked your hands over your mouth to keep from screaming as you ran, trying to keep your eyes ahead of you.

Another intersection, another choice. You could feel whatever what was following you though their heavy footsteps, that were steadily getting closer. You stopped considering all of the choices, and settled with just going with the first option that you saw that didn’t look alive.

Left. Right. Straight. Straight. Left.

You refused to look behind you as you charged down the hallways, feeling as if the thing was just feet away from you at this point. But finally, after so many intersections, you noticed a doorway up ahead. You practically cried out of joy when you saw that, so happy to be over with this. You saw more options of doorways down the hall, but you went into the the first room you saw and reached for the door handle.

Only for your hand to grab empty air.

“Wrong choice.” A voice that you couldn’t determine if it was masculine or feminine said almost happily, and the air in the empty room went cold.

The heavy footsteps slowed down, and your breath caught in your throat as you gradually turned to face the monster for the first time.

It was not any monster from the underground.

It was Horror itself.

The entire being looked vaguely humanoid, however about three times as large and made of knotted grey flesh, composed of too many faces and not enough eyes. It was smiling without teeth in any of its mouths, and you could see movement under its skin stretch outwards, like something was trapped inside and reaching for you. It took another step forward, it’s thick feet stomping wetly to the ground at a relaxed, slow pace. It knew it won.

You brought your hands to your mouth as you screamed and backed more into the empty room, watching in terror as the only exit of the room was the one the Horror was using as an entrance.

“I want out. Let me out. I’m done. Game over. Let me out.” You screamed, grabbing at your face and trying to get ahold of the headset, only to not feel anything except yourself. It wasn’t a game. It was too real to be a game. You cried out as you tried grabbing the headset again, knowing you wouldn’t be able to escape from the Horror. You were done for.

“Calm down.” A familiar voice uttered right next to you, and you felt a warm embrace from someone much taller than you. The next moment you felt the sensation of teleporting, and the two of you dropped an inch onto damp carpet. Warm hands grabbed the sides of your face and turned you to face their owner.

“... Gaster?” You whispered, voice strained from your crying. It has been a while since you’ve seen him so serious. “What… What are you doing here? I-I-... I thought-” The floor shook under you, and you could feel the Horror running again, looking for you.

“You are in a dream.” Gaster explained, keeping his hands firm to the sides of your face, making sure you didn’t look anywhere except for at him. The words sounded strange, echoing despite nothing else echoing in the hallway. Dream… Dream…

“A… dream?” You asked, and suddenly felt very aware of everything around you, more in the moment. Your eyes widened, realizing what he said was true. “Wake me up, Gaster, please. I don’t want to be here anymore.” You started sobbing again. Gaster embraced you.

“Shh shh shh…” Gaster’s soft shushing caught you off guard, and you could feel his arms tighten around you, one hand behind your head and keeping you close. “The fact you didn’t immediately wake up at that… means we have to be clever.”

“Just wake me up, please, Gaster.” Your voice strained harder as you felt broken, wanting nothing more than to be rid of the terrible nightmare. He replied with more gentle shushing, slowly releasing you from his tight embrace. The stomping was getting closer.

“Listen to me carefully.” Gaster knelt down to eye level for you- something he has never done before. “I cannot wake you up. We need to finish the dream.” You felt more tears build up at his words, but he brought his hand up and brushed them away with his thumb, ignoring the growing stomps. “It will only come back to haunt you later if we do not finish this now. We need to defeat the nightmare.” He said slowly and clearly, and every time you tried to see past him he would gently bring your attention to him.

“We can’t. Did you see that thing? Its…. its…” You tried explaining, but Gaster only smiled.

“Just a dream.” He finished the sentence for you, slowly standing up and turning to face the hallway. He kept one hand behind him as if to keep you back, and waited.

A silent moment passed. Then another.

Part of the hallway exploded into bits as the Horror crashed into the corner, turning directions too quickly, and quickly righted itself and charged at you. It’s flesh rolled within itself as it stomped closer, making indescribable sounds as it moved. Gaster’s hand swung up and darkness tangled with its feet, tripping it up for just a second before orange lights slashed through the air- cutting the Horror into large pieces that toppled to the ground, no blood to be seen.

Gaster slowly lowered his extended hand back to his side, paused for a moment, before turning back to you with a smile. “See? No big deal.” He knelt down in front of you again. “You do not need to be afraid of monsters when you are surrounded by them.” He said, though most of what he was saying passed right by you as you watched the grey flesh from behind him float up and start stacking on top of the other parts.

“Hhhh… Hhhh….Haaaaahhhhhh…..” You were breathing too hard to form any words, and your legs refused to follow your commands to run. Gaster’s smile dropped when he saw your expression, and turned just in time to react to a fist slamming down to where he was a moment ago.

You would have noted he had extraordinary reflexes, if it wasn’t for the fact that he was now pulling you this way and that, avoiding the attacks of the Horror by inches at a time. He quickly wrapped his arms around you again and once again you two teleported.

Back into the empty room. The stomping starting up again.

You couldn’t take it. You collapsed onto the ground, sobbing into your hands. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry…” You could feel Gaster’s eyes on you, but you continued with your apology. “I took too long making choices, I kept going safe, I kept choosing comfortable routes and I took too long- if I was faster- if I just went through those stupid ugly halls I could have had more time- time to look at the fucking doors and choose the right room and- and- and- and-”

“...Are you really going through all of that on your own?” Gaster’s quiet voice stopped your thoughts in their place. You looked up at him with your puffy face, seeing him standing with an emotion you couldn’t quite place. His eyes were trained on you, the halos seemed dull.

“What?” You asked, only to feel the stomping getting closer. You couldn’t help but feel the terror tightening around your heart, and you let out another choked sob. Gaster sat down in front of you and placed his hands on the sides of your face again, this time his brow bones slightly lowered.

“You have been feeling this trapped for this long?” He asked, you didn’t understand. “Do you weigh all of your choices so heavily that you think in the end, you think they will be life or death for you?” He seemed so concerned for you… but you couldn’t figure out what he was getting at. Seeing your confusion, he took a breath and tried again. He quietly said your name, softening his hold on you. “Let us start over. How did you end up here?”

“...Here?” The stomping echoed around the room. “Someone… offered me a game. Then I was trapped- I had no choice but to run and try to get away… but I made the wrong choices and now it’s coming for us because I failed-” Your words were quickly running together as your panic rose, and Gaster placed a finger over your lips.

“It is rigged.”

The words caused time to freeze, and you stared wide-eyed at Gaster. He continued. “The game is rigged. There are no right choices, no happy endings. It is a game that is predetermined to make you suffer, before giving you dissatisfaction. You were trapped in here thinking that there was a way to survive, when there is none.” Each word felt like a punch to the gut as the helplessness set into your bones.

“There are no happy endings…?” You repeated, voice still shaking.

“None. The people that made the game lied about those to trick you into playing it.” He nodded, eyebrow bones lowered. “They wanted you to play for their enjoyment, not yours. Now, is that fair?”

You felt your breath strained as you looked down, thoughts hanging up on the no happy endings. No happy endings. No happy endings. “No… That isn’t fair at all.” You said quietly, feeling the pressure of defeat pressing all around you.

“Then you should not play fair yourself.”

Time became normal again, and you felt the floor shaking as the Horror was closing the distance to you two. Gaster quickly stood up and offered a hand to you. “I know you dislike using Console Commands, but I do think the game needs them this time to be playable.”

You accepted his hand and he pulled you up, only for the Horror to appear in your view behind him in the doorway. You felt the fear tug you backwards again, but Gaster kept a tight grip on your hand, and stepped behind you, giving you a clear view of the Horror and all its grotesqueness.

“Here. I am here to help.” Gaster motioned with his free hand, and a keyboard made of orange light appeared in front of you. The Horror stepped forward, slowly again, thinking it won once more. It just needed a few more steps and it would crush the two of you. “Go on. Show the creators what happens when they make a rigged game.” He urged you to the keyboard.

The Horror took another step forward, and you finally reached for the keyboard and pressed the [~] key. The world shimmered before you, growing slightly brighter, and more of the texture seams became visible. Your fear was still thick in your blood as the Horror took another step closer, but you quickly typed a command onto the keyboard and raised two fingers at the Horror, pressing enter and speaking the command.

“Kill.”

The Horror exploded into dust, turning into bright light before vanishing completely. You felt a smile on your face for the first time since the dream started. Your smile grew slightly as you looked at your hands, wondering what else you could do with the Console Commands while you were here. You quickly typed [tg] and tapped the enter button, and grass immediately grew through the tiled ground. You felt yourself giggle and you found yourself typing one string of commands after another, some that you weren’t even sure if they were real commands, but they all seemed to have an effect on the dream you were in.

You took away ceilings, then walls, then toggled the sun on. Gravity was lowered, and all enemies were removed from area- just for good measure. It was just you and Gaster, in a beautiful valley full of grass in broad daylight. You jumped and turned to face him, and he instinctively grabbed your hand to keep you from floating up too far. You used his hand to pull yourself closer to him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“... Thank you.” You whispered, and it took a moment before Gaster embraced you back.

“I told you I would help fend off any aliens after you tonight.” You could hear the smile in his voice.

“I don’t think that was an alien though…”

“It sure was not based off of the alien from the movie, I could tell that much, but I will warn you that I will be insulted if you simply classify that creature as a monster.” Gaster lightly threatened, and you huffed part of a laugh.

“I mean- sure, okay it was an alien. Thank you anyway, Gaster.” You smiled, not able to thank him enough for getting you out of that nightmare. “... How are you here, by the way?” You looked up at him, slowly coming to the conclusion that this was actually Gaster, not just your dream version of him.

“I have a wide range of abilities, including one that allows me to haunt the subconsciousness of others.” He said, keeping his eye halos to the horizon. “When I noticed you having a nightmare, I only meant to observe what it was about- I never intended to get involved.”

“So why did you save me?” You asked, and you could tell he was purposely avoiding looking at you. He was silent for a moment, seeming to choose his words carefully.

“I needed to keep my word, that is all.” He settled with, letting go of the hug. You watched him as he kept his head turned away, and give him a light punch. That startled him and he looked down at you.

“Daw, you care about me.” You smiled, and he tried to mask his face with unamusement, though you could see though it. He raised a finger as if he was going to tell you that you were wrong again.

“Correct.” He smiled at your shock at him actually admitting it, seeming to hold back his own laugh. “Though I must admit, I did not do as much as you think I did. I just bought you time to take control of your own dream.” He looked down and brushed his foot through the lush grass.

“What do you mean? You gave me the keyboard.” You bounced slightly, enjoying the low gravity. He watched you, entertained at your lazy floating.

“I gave you the illusion of a keyboard. Nothing but a light show.” He held out his hands, and more orange lights danced between them. “You believed in it, and willed your actions to change your dream. Think of it as… Kickstarting lucid dreaming.” He offered simply, a rather out of character thing for him to do.

“Huh. Well, thank you for that.” You smiled, tapping a finger on your cheek as you gently bounced on one foot. “Would you do me one more favor, since we are here?”

He nodded, seeming to expect you wanting something more of him. “What is your request?”

“Catch me!” You cheered, leaping up into the air and gradually floating backwards.

You heard Gaster’s breath catch and he jumped after you, expertly catching you in a bridal position mid air. After a moment, the two of you gracefully landed onto the soft grass, and you saw Gaster looking at you as you were having giggling fits. You could see him trying to mask a smile on his face as he sighed and shook his head. “So, now what?” You asked between your giggles. He considered a moment before bringing his mouth close to your ear.

“I think it is time to wake up.”

You felt your leg jerk, and your vision spun for a moment before you realized you were still in the living room. The tv was quiet, and the room had long gone cold. You noticed you were still perfectly warm however, as you felt Gaster’s arms were wrapped tightly around you, a hand placed on the back of your neck, keeping you close to his chest. His grip loosened, and he looked down at you with his bright haloed eyes.

“No more nightmares without me, alright?” He asked.

You nodded.