#also this is fully because i have been casually writing bcsdp and thinking about heist!au and having heist!au come together | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hideyseek · 9 months

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9.09.2023

its so interesting as im writing narrative!fic the way that each subsequent draft / outline gets me closer and closer to a version of the fic that is ... true to the original conception? like i started gathering notes and ideas for this fic in earnest in ... 2021, like spring/summer 2021 and only today have finally put together an outline that FEELS like i am really, really close.

actually it's not even an outline it is a bunch of bulletpoint freewriting in a google doc that is roughly in the order of the series of events in the fic. i made a note to clean it into an outline later. but ohhh my god i finally!

like its been literally 4 drafts, i am slightly frightened to count how many words of draft material (probably about 60k give or take 15-20k), but THIS outline! i finally have the throughline of haiji's character arc through the fic, i've finally like .... idk. pared it down to the core parts and they magically (throug the power of thinking about this fic near-constantly since 2021) fit together now. THANK FUCK!

i told my old roommate i would send them a completed draft to beta like. two years ago.

i still don't know how this fucking fic ends but i have OPTIONS that probably will all require drafting out and revising before i pick sigh. but ohhhhhhhh my god this has NOT BEEN FUN but it is SO REWARDING to finally fucking hit (for like the third time) the feeling of "oh okay. i figured another thing out about how this story is going to work. it's going to come together now."

admittedly i said that to myself the last several times but THIS TIME I FIGURED OUT THE JOURNALING AND HAIJI'S WHOLE CHARACTER ARC and there is CAUSATION AND EVERYTHING which there sure was not before ahahaha. god this time i figured out the journaling!!!

and yes this is uhhhhhhhhhh an incredibly personal reading of haiji, i truly feel that my irl friends will kind of squint knowingly. but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh A MILESTONE!

a milestone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#the absolute relief i felt this afternoon #also this is fully because i have been casually writing bcsdp and thinking about heist!au and having heist!au come together #which has been WAY EASIER than narrative!fic bc figuring out the story logic of heist!au doesn't require uh.#me to process the first few years of my early twenties and distill it into a story about a whole guy who is not actually me #but AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. A WORKABLE OUTLINE. WITH LOGIC. THAT IS THEMATICALLY CONSISTENT. THAT I CAN SIMPLIFY DOWN TO A SENTENCE. OR FIVE #THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IN MY KNOWLEDGE OF MY FICS THIS WHOLE TIME #wow the beauty and joy of NOT WRITING FOR A DEADLINE AND JUST WAITING UNTIL THE FIC IS GOOD ENOUGH TO ME #omg its kakehai day tomorrow i think #AN AUSPICIOUS DAY!#hidey speaks #also tbh this is thanks to bcsdp bc i have been so used to chewing on that prompt over the weekend that not having one this weekend made me #go: omg what ELSE can i write?? and do this

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