#also this means if Cloqwork is true Qrow has a big age difference kink

[puprlebrotato]

Ozpin is an ageless motherfluxxer: An rant essay

I have no idea how to start this but let's go-

So beyond most of the huntsmen/tress (why were'nt they just called hunters RT what the hell-) students, we have no Brothersdamn clue how old most characters in RWBY are.

Most peopole wouldn't care about that because they're sensible

If you couldn't tell, I am not most people

So one day, I decided to finally try mark out how old some characters are, using, of all people, "(Formerly Dr)unkle" Qrow Branwen

If we start at his first year at Beacon, he would (probaly) be 17, since that's the standard age most initiates are (ignoring the possblity of him being older or younger since he pulled a Blake and joined despite being a criminal so he probably didn't give a damn about the age reqiurement).

Flashforward to graduation, when he and STRQ finish their fourth year. Qrow should roughly 20 or 21 now.

From here on it's kinda iffy but, assuming Tai adn Raven have Yang right then, Qrow should, in Vol. 1, be 38.

For a refresher, out current math is 17 (First Year) + 4 (Academy Years) + 17 (Yang's life).

Now, what does this have to do wiht Ozpin looking nohting like his goddamn age?

Enter Peter. Fricking. Port.

According to the man himself, Port was a TA (teacher's assistant) during Qrow's first year. Now the math for this is even MORE iffy than the "Tai and Raven bang upon leaving beacon" math, but hear me out.

IF we work backwards, Port has his career of Huntsmaning beforeing being hired by Beacon, entering as a TA. Low balling at 4 years of experince, Port is likely 25 when Qrow is 17 (which also means Port is 8 years older than tai which makes the whole joking in his home thingy odd but also funny but whatever) [also the math of this is 4 years of exp + 4 years of beacon + 17 years leading to entering beacon]. Adding Qrow's four years and Yang's age, Port is 47 as of Vol. 1.

That's... okay. Personally he looks older to me, but this is just a 'low ball' estimate.

Now, with all of this figured out

What in the ever loving FUCK do I do with Ozpin.

This is VERY speculative, so take this with a micro-fucking-scopic amount of salt, BUT

Oz is (probably [notice I've been saying that a lot?]) headmaster when Port is a TA and Qrow's a first year. Now, one would assume Ozpin is WAY older than Port. HOWEVER, Ozpin is also said to be the youngest headmaster in Beacon's history, so who fucking knows how old his wizard of oz ass is. For clarity's sake, let's say he's Port's age. That's probably wrong, but let's just say so because why not.

If you're paying attetnion, that would mean in Vol. 1 Ozpin is 47. Fourty-fucking-seven.

Do me a favor and look up a picture of ozpin for me. Ignoring his hair, look at his face. Look at him.

there is no way in hell ozpin is forty fucking seven

I know people who are entering the prime of their life, hell I'm fsamily with people are well past the prime of life. THAT MAN IS NOT ENTERING HIS FIFTIES.

If that's fifty then Maria must be over a damn 100 I just- I dont- AGH-

[Please wait: having ragful technical dificulties]

Now, this could just be a design thing. I mean, come on. It's RWBY. It's an american anime, no one ever looks their freakin' age in anime.

Or, Ozpin and his aura and immortal magic BS have done what no skincare company in the world can do and has achieved Ryan Reynolds levels of not aging.

that is all, I needed to get this out of my head. If you're reading this as of posting, words of the immortal Samuel Jackson, "Go the Fuck to Sleep"