Ozpin is an ageless motherfluxxer: An rant essay
I have no idea how to start this but let's go-
So beyond most of the huntsmen/tress (why were'nt they just called hunters RT what the hell-) students, we have no Brothersdamn clue how old most characters in RWBY are.
Most peopole wouldn't care about that because they're sensible
If you couldn't tell, I am not most people
So one day, I decided to finally try mark out how old some characters are, using, of all people, "(Formerly Dr)unkle" Qrow Branwen
If we start at his first year at Beacon, he would (probaly) be 17, since that's the standard age most initiates are (ignoring the possblity of him being older or younger since he pulled a Blake and joined despite being a criminal so he probably didn't give a damn about the age reqiurement).
Flashforward to graduation, when he and STRQ finish their fourth year. Qrow should roughly 20 or 21 now.
From here on it's kinda iffy but, assuming Tai adn Raven have Yang right then, Qrow should, in Vol. 1, be 38.
For a refresher, out current math is 17 (First Year) + 4 (Academy Years) + 17 (Yang's life).
Now, what does this have to do wiht Ozpin looking nohting like his goddamn age?
Enter Peter. Fricking. Port.
According to the man himself, Port was a TA (teacher's assistant) during Qrow's first year. Now the math for this is even MORE iffy than the "Tai and Raven bang upon leaving beacon" math, but hear me out.
IF we work backwards, Port has his career of Huntsmaning beforeing being hired by Beacon, entering as a TA. Low balling at 4 years of experince, Port is likely 25 when Qrow is 17 (which also means Port is 8 years older than tai which makes the whole joking in his home thingy odd but also funny but whatever) [also the math of this is 4 years of exp + 4 years of beacon + 17 years leading to entering beacon]. Adding Qrow's four years and Yang's age, Port is 47 as of Vol. 1.
That's... okay. Personally he looks older to me, but this is just a 'low ball' estimate.
Now, with all of this figured out
What in the ever loving FUCK do I do with Ozpin.
This is VERY speculative, so take this with a micro-fucking-scopic amount of salt, BUT
Oz is (probably [notice I've been saying that a lot?]) headmaster when Port is a TA and Qrow's a first year. Now, one would assume Ozpin is WAY older than Port. HOWEVER, Ozpin is also said to be the youngest headmaster in Beacon's history, so who fucking knows how old his wizard of oz ass is. For clarity's sake, let's say he's Port's age. That's probably wrong, but let's just say so because why not.
If you're paying attetnion, that would mean in Vol. 1 Ozpin is 47. Fourty-fucking-seven.
Do me a favor and look up a picture of ozpin for me. Ignoring his hair, look at his face. Look at him.
there is no way in hell ozpin is forty fucking seven
I know people who are entering the prime of their life, hell I'm fsamily with people are well past the prime of life. THAT MAN IS NOT ENTERING HIS FIFTIES.
If that's fifty then Maria must be over a damn 100 I just- I dont- AGH-
[Please wait: having ragful technical dificulties]
Now, this could just be a design thing. I mean, come on. It's RWBY. It's an american anime, no one ever looks their freakin' age in anime.
Or, Ozpin and his aura and immortal magic BS have done what no skincare company in the world can do and has achieved Ryan Reynolds levels of not aging.
that is all, I needed to get this out of my head. If you're reading this as of posting, words of the immortal Samuel Jackson, "Go the Fuck to Sleep"
15 notes
·
View notes
Heyyy it would be awesome if you wrote a third part for “37” where Charles gives Logan’s memories back and we go through flashbacks of some of his best memories, his wedding, the day his kids were born…something like that, it would be very heartwarming 🥰🥰🥰 or even maybe coming back from the past and seeing his kids again
sunflower
part three of "37"
CW: fluffy fluff, all the feels, suggestive, profanity, takes place after the events of Days Future Past, very bittersweet, your daughter's a lil menace, your son's a lil cutie pie, angst if you squint, i never know how to end these things, etc.
"Logan, the mind is a fickle thing," Charles sighed, resting his hands on his desk with a solemn look. "I can't possibly guarantee that this will work, much less in one session—" "I don't care how long it takes."
Logan's face drew tight with the statement, his patience visibly wearing thin.
He'd been listening to the same bullshit for twenty minutes...
"I don't care if I need a hundred different fuckin' sessions. I'm gettin' these memories back," he spelled out, leaning forward in his seat and roughly tapping his finger on the desk. "It doesn't make any damn sense. This body's been in this timeline for fifty-fuckin'-years and it doesn't remember shit."
"Because it is your consciousness that is the problem, Logan," Charles groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That is what I've been trying to tell you."
Logan piped down for a moment, brows knitting together as he leaned back in his seat, taking an annoyed drag of his cigar.
"Your psyche is from a completely different timeline, and now resides in a completely different body. It's like asking to recall the memories of a random person walking down the street," the professor explained, again.
Sadly, he hung his head, greatly sorry for the misfortune of his friend.
"I wish there was something I could do, Logan. Truly. But I'm afraid it just can't be done."
But Logan didn't buy it.
Huffing a small plume of smoke out his nose, he glanced out the window, catching sight of you teaching a class on the lawn.
Using your powers, you grew a large sunflower out from the ground, the younger kids marveling at the sight as you began pointing out its anatomy, most of them enamored by the huge petals—which were bigger than their little six year-old frames.
And in a small pause in time, your eyes flitted up to meet his through the window, that heart-stopping smile finding its way onto your lips as you gave him a tiny wave.
It warmed him, experiencing your light for the first time in years without the threat of annihilation on the horizon.
Domesticity like this is something he'd craved all his life, and now that he had it in his grasp, he wasn't going to settle for anything less.
A stilling chill descended on his chest at the thought of your smile, and the countless others he'd missed.
Your tears of joy when he proposed.
Your frazzled excitement with the wedding planning.
Your radiance as you walked down the aisle.
He missed it all.
And he'd be damned if he didn't do everything in his power to try and get it back.
"Charles..." Logan started, stamping out his cigar in a nearby ashtray. "My whole life is standin' out there under that tree... and I can't remember a goddamn thing about her after 1973."
His tone turned cold, eyes sharp as he stared the professor down.
"I don't care if you have to rip my head in half... I'm gettin' those memories back."
The old man let out a sigh, accepting that going on like this would bring no other outcome.
He'd have to give the man what he wanted... consequences be damned.
'Let's hope he survives...'
"This will be violent," Charles stated off-rip, wheeling himself out from behind his desk. "I am essentially hammering your mind like a dam, making cracks in its defenses until it eventually gives way."
Logan nodded, watching as the man settled in front of him, raising his two fingers to his temple.
"Now... try not to move."
Logan shut his eyes, and in an instant, it felt as if his head was struck by a speeding train.
He let out a growl of pain as images began to flash behind his eyes, the next one always coming quicker than the last.
"Hon, which color do you think would go best with my complexion? Eggshell or Porcelain?" you asked, eagerly holding up two different swatches against your skin.
"You look beautiful in anything, baby," he stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world, wrapping an arm around your waist. "Either one is fine."
"As sweet as that is... it doesn't help," you huffed, playfully attempting to scold him.
"Fine then. Eggshell," he answered, quickly.
You raised a brow, an amused smile playing at your lips as you leaned in closer, "Are you just saying that to get me to shut up?"
He let out a chuckle, resting his forehead against yours, "Never."
Yes...
"Can't wait 'til this damn reception is over," he growled in your ear, lips dragging down your neck as you both hid in a nearby hallway. "First time I've been alone with you since I do."
"Logan..." you gasped, tucking your lip between your teeth in an attempt to muffle yourself as he tightly grasped your hips. "Someone'll hear..."
"Then I guess you better keep quiet," he smirked against your skin, giving your collarbone a soft nip.
It's all coming back...
"Logan..." you started, nervously, hands held firmly behind your back. "I have something to tell you... and I'm open to talk about it if you're upset..."
His brows furrowed as he turned away from his dresser, looking toward you with an air of concern.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his protective instinct spiking at the sight of your fearful expression. "What happened?"
Unable to say it, you slowly held up your hand, revealing a positive pregnancy test.
His eyes widened like saucers, throat drying at the tiny piece of plastic.
"You're... pregnant?"
You nodded, silently, his reaction not soothing your anxiety one bit.
But, as if on cue, he moved toward you, striding across the room and pulling you into a bone crushing hug.
"I'm gonna be a father..." he muttered into your hair, the phrase not one he thought he'd ever hear. "I'm gonna be a father..."
Wait...
"Logan!" you cried, tears welling in your eyes as you glanced up at him, scared. "I can't...mmmph fuck!... I can't do it! Hurts too much!"
"C'mon, baby, keep pushin'. You're doin' so good," he cooed, swiping stray strands of hair out your face as the nurse on the other side of the bed helped cheer you on. "Just a little bit more. You're right there."
With a grunt, you squeezed his hand tight, letting out a growl of pain as you gave another push.
Pop!
Logan's eyes shot wide, the man nearly biting through his tongue as he glanced down at his hand.
You dislocated his finger.
Though it seemed to be worth it as that final push was what did it.
"It's a girl!" the doctor smiled, carefully holding up the newborn.
Looking upon her small, chubbed face, Logan felt a sense of protectiveness sink into his chest—one that he only felt when things came to you.
In that moment, and every moment after that, he knew he would lay his life down for her, no question.
And she wasn't even a minute old yet.
I have—
"James! Get back here!" a little girl squealed with laughter, bursting into the office after a little boy, who looked terrified.
Logan snapped out his head with a gasp, shooting up from his seat and unsheathing his claws out of muscle memory.
'James...'
Quickly, Logan retracted his claws as the boy ducked behind his leg, gripping tightly onto his jeans as the girl stormed over.
She looked just like you, save for a few small details, and had a small snaggle-tooth poking out on her right side, only adding to her adorableness.
Not to mention the bone claws she had protruding from her knuckles.
"No fair! You can't hide behind Dad every time you're scared!" she furrowed her brows, upset.
"Mommy told you about your claws, Laura..." James mumbled, voice barely above a whisper as he shyly peeked out from behind his human shield.
'Laura...'
The boy was Logan's mirror image, looking almost exactly like he did at that age..
Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree...
Charles could sense the pieces clicking in Logan's mind, and figured lending a hand would be best after what he'd been through.
"Logan, these are your—" "Laura Marie Howlett!" your voice cut in, the little girl flinching at the sound.
Quickly, she retracted her claws, whipping around with a guilty smile, which was met by your less-than-approving glare.
"What have I told you about chasing your brother inside? And what have I told you about using your claws to do it?" you scolded, walking into the office. "You two are interrupting your father and Professor Xavier."
Logan let out a soft sigh, taking the moment to finally look over his family.
Like a slow moving stream, things were coming back to him, the feeling like a fog clearing from the recesses of his mind.
Every birthday.
Every boo-boo.
Every first.
Slowly but surely, they were all returning.
Without warning, Logan dropped to his knees, pulling the two kids into a tight hug, fiercely fighting off the emotion swelling in his chest.
"Daddy?" James squeaked, concerned.
"Are you okay?" Laura asked, confused.
He nodded, silently, the sight making your heart both burst and ache.
After all this time, your husband was truly whole.
Fifty years of suffering and agony had finally come to an end.
taglist !!
@catiwinky @seamlessepiphany @vinaluvsu @kellyxo1 @amandarobertsboyce @captainloki1 @qveendiorsworld @sarahskywalker-amidala @mei-simp @oatmilkriver @br3nt-12 @bimboshaggy @lightsgore @edszn @couturewinx @sunroxic @notanotheroldman @bontensbabygirl @buckleysg1rl @marvelgirlie-4 @eljaynosine-triphosphate @nickf1 @pinkisokay @mercurysjoy
619 notes
·
View notes