#also yes idk how this turned out to be 5k but here we are haha

[lveclouds]

↬ pairing/characters: prince hoseok x princess reader x prince yoongi, other members will be mentioned/make appearances

↬ genre/aus: heavy angst, sad/bittersweet ending (yeah im so sorry), unrequited love (yeah this one’s going to hurt), there’s like zero fluff in this, royal au, slight arranged marriage au (sort of), childhood friends au

↬ summary: in which hoseok watches as the love of his life gets swept off their feet by his former best friend.

↬ rating(s): m, 18+ (see warnings) 

↬ tw: heavy swearing, sad ending, unrequited love, heartbreak, heavy alcohol consumption/intoxication (hoseok gets a bit drunk in this fic, but it’s briefly mentioned), mentions of someone being drunk (brief) hoseok deserves a huge hug in this fic, confrontation (hoseok and yoongi talk things out), mentions of a falling out, mentions of a deceased family member (brief, due to sickness)

↬ wc: 5.5k

↬ note: this fic is part of the one direction x bts collab, hosted by @sunshinejunghoseokie​ <3 the idea for this collab came about whike we were talking in a little discord chat we have with @joonlery​ <3 as a former one direction stan, i am so excited to write a fic based off their songs <3 as always, shoutout to cam and honour for always being the sweetest ppl ever and for all the love + support i adore y’all so much:(((( + this fic is based off the song ‘moments’ by one direction, which is still one of my favorite songs of theirs to this day <3 also shoutout to cam for reading through this and helping me with warnings <3 

the bright sun shone in through the massive windows of the castle, casting golden beams of light across the stone floors. hoseok could hear the faint chirping birds as they flew over the rafters, and allowed himself a small smile. he always loved the mornings, those quiet moments before the rest of the world woke, bathing in the tranquility and stillness. 

the rest of the castle was still asleep, leaving hoseok to his own devices for a few hours, which he always took full advantage of. while having a warm breakfast prepared each morning was a perk, hoseok always felt a little guilty that his servants felt as if they had to attend to him at all times. 

thus, hoseok tried to make sure to rise as early as he could to dress and possibly sneak down to the castle kitchen to see if there were any leftover cookies or pastries from the previous day’s breakfast. after grabbing a pastry or two, hoseok headed towards the royal gardens, where he loved to spend most of his time daydreaming and abandoning his royal duties, for they were awfully boring. 

the early morning air was cool and crisp, and a gentle breeze washed over hoseok as he strolled through the garden, admiring the colorful flowers and foliage that decorated the space. each plant and flower was well-tended to, and the royal gardener, namjoon, saw to that. 

hoseok let out a content sigh, settling onto a stone bench that he’d put there ages ago, wanting to be surrounded by the sweet smell of roses and the refreshing scent of pine. he let his mind wander, briefly forgetting about the responsibilities that he’d have to attend to later in the day, humming softly to himself. 

being the sole heir to a well-established kingdom is something that could scare the wits out of anyone, for the idea of leading an entire nation made hoseok’s stomach curl with dread. nonetheless, in the end, it didn’t matter if hoseok had no desire to rule, it was his duty to carry out, being the only son of two of the most powerful monarchs in the land of esmeralda. 

though, hoseok supposed, the pressure of being a good king was bearable, at least, with you in his life. he’d met you, the princess of genovia, when he was just the tender of age of eight, and you’d just turned ten, at yet another party that his parents had forced him to attend.

 hoseok couldn’t remember who the celebration had been for, only that the royal garb that his mother had insisted he wear was itchy and uncomfortable, and he’d wanted to do nothing more than to run back to his bedchambers and change into his comfiest nightclothes. your family had also been invited to the grand celebration, being one of the most prominent royal families. 

hoseok had sat by his mother all night, fidgeting ever so slightly in his chair, trying to keep a neutral expression on his face. she must’ve noticed that he was getting a bit restless, for when the nobles she’d been talking to turned away for a moment, she leaned down and whispered to him to go and play somewhere. 

immediately, hoseok had ran as fast as his small legs could take him, far away from the ballroom full of obnoxious laughter and the dizzying scent of alcohol, to the garden, where he was alone with the flowers and the tall trees. 

the night air was cool and crisp, and it’d rained earlier in the evening, so the faint smell of petrichor still lingered. hoseok had just settled onto the stone bench in the center of the garden when he heard a faint rustling a few feet away. he turned his head to see a girl possibly two years older than him, clutching nervously at her skirts, the dainty silver necklace dangling at her throat glowing softly in the pale moonlight. 

“h-hello, i’m hoseok, what’s your name?” he’d said, keeping his voice as polite and friendly as possible, as not to scare the girl off. she hesitated, then mumbled in a soft, quiet voice, “i’m y/n.” hoseok had smiled for the first time that evening, and asked if you wanted to sit beside him and watch the stars. from then, an unlikely friendship had formed between you, and hoseok treasured every moment. 

of course, his parents were delighted that their son had made a friend out of the princess of a powerful kingdom, and made a point of inviting you over constantly and showering you in gifts. you accepted all of them graciously, but then hoseok would helped you sneak out of the castle to give to the poor people in the nearby village. 

hoseok admired how brave and courageous and selfless you were, insisting that while the gifts from his parents were appreciated, you had no use for them, and that it was better if they went to people that would make good use of the gifts. for the first time, he’d met someone who went against the norms of being a royal, and used your power for the greater good and to benefit others. 

his relationship with you was nothing more than a close friendship, that is, until hoseok found himself falling in love. often times, he’d find himself staring at the soft curve of your mouth, and the way your lashes brushed against your brow bone every time you blinked. hoseok felt his pulse quicken at your charming and gentle smiles, and the tender look in your dark eyes when you saw a child light up when you’d hand them a picnic basket laden with homemade food. 

people in the village adored you, amazed that someone of a such a position in the kingdom could be so humble and kind as to spend most of their time with the poor instead of nobles. you’d told hoseok as such one night, under the soft glow of the moon, resting your head against his shoulder. 

the action was nothing new, as hoseok had grown accustomed to it over the course of your friendship, but it still made his heartbeat quicken all the same. “i know you must think i’m silly for wanting to give everything i have to those people, but it’s something i’ve always wanted to do. we’re royals, and i understand that we have a certain reputation to uphold, but must we ignore the needs of those who are crying out for help? they too deserve to be happy.” 

it was right then and there that hoseok knew that he was in love with you. he loved how passionate you were about helping others, even if others might scorn you for it. you’d never cared about what others thought of you, especially the countless nobles that whispered about you, calling you ridiculous and strange. 

“don’t mind them, hoseok, they’re only jealous that they can’t bring themselves to help others. the selfish bastards that they are.” word of your kind and generous nature did not go unheard by neighboring kingdoms, and thus began the countless visits from suitors. 

hoseok hated seeing the gifts of jewelry and dresses and gold from the pompous princes that visited your castle, in hopes of courting you. it was absolute torture to simply watch as countless princes vyed for your hand, taking your hand in theirs and pressing a kiss to the back of it. 

however, you seemed not the least bit interested, for you threw out or donated all the gifts your suitors gave you, much to your parents’ dismay, insisting that you “had no use for such frivolous things”, and that all the suitors were obnoxious and self-centered. hoseok couldn’t help but feel relieved that you weren’t the least bit deterred by the countless advances. 

hoseok also struggled to decide if he should confess to you, not wanting to ruin the close bond that you had. then, when he’d finally mustered the courage to do so, his world came crashing down around him. it’d been a sunny day, of all things, and hoseok was making his daily visit to your kingdom, which was not too far from his own. 

he was with you in the palace gardens, listening to you rant about the latest suitor you’d driven off, who, apparently, was insistent that he had a strong alcohol tolerance, and was determined to show off. and, in the middle of the lunch that the kitchen staff had prepared, he proceeded to drink at least three cups of wine before promptly passing out. 

“it was embarrassing, i mean, if he just wanted to get drunk off his ass, he could’ve just gone to the local tavern.” you were saying, gesturing exuberantly with your hands. “honestly, you should’ve seen him, he looked like an absolute fool, stumbling over himself.” 

hoseok had felt the corner of his mouth curve into an amused smile. “wish i could’ve been there then. a-also, i-i have something to confess to you.” a look of concern immediately flashed across your face. “of course, anything. you’re my dearest friend, hoseok.” friend. the word felt like a punch to the gut. 

and, as hoseok was about to confess, your parents came rushing in, your mother practically beaming from ear to ear. “mother? what’s going on? why do you look so pleased?” “we just received word from the min kingdom. they’ve agreed that a union between our two kingdoms would be best to maintain peaceful relations.” 

“what sort of relations?” “marriage, of course.” your mother had declared, and hoseok’s heart felt as if it were going to shatter into a million fragments. “your mother is right, this alliance is one that cannot be overlooked. besides, i’ve heard that the prince of the min kingdom is quite the charmer.” your father had said, with a pleased smile on his face. the look of defiance on your face did little to deter them from dragging you to the throne room hours later, where the mins were waiting. 

hoseok could only give you a sympathetic smile as you moved to stand next to your parents, mouth twisted in a deep scowl. then, the mins came forward, bowing their heads. their son looked to be his age, with wavy dark hair that fell over sharp cheekbones, and hoseok couldn’t quite make out his face at first. 

then, when the son lifted his head, a pale, thin hand brushing away a stray strand of hair that’d fallen across his forehead, hoseok immediately froze, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. it was min yoongi, the very person he once regarded as a dear friend.

 they’d had a brutal falling out years ago, and hoseok hadn’t spoken to him since, and if he was being honest, didn’t exactly remember what had happened. yoongi was still as pale as ever, but his shoulders seemed broader than before, and his hair was longer, and more wavy. 

his eyes were as still dark and unreadable as hoseok remembered, and the expression on his face gave nothing away. hoseok winced and shifted his gaze towards the front of the throne room, where you were sitting with your parents. the scowl on your face seemed to have disappeared, now replaced with a look of awe, as if you were mezmerized by yoongi. 

hoseok had blinked back tears, refusing to let anyone, especially yoongi, see him cry. “your majesty, your highness, i’m honored that you are allowing me to court your daughter.” he said, bowing his head slightly, and to his surprise, your mother waved off his formalities with a dismissive hand. 

“no need to be so formal, yoongi, after all, you’re marrying into our family.” your mother had said, dark eyes twinkling, and the aforementioned male’s pale cheeks flushed pink. “as you wish.” “now, why don’t you and y/n get acquainted?” yoongi’s mother suggested, cerulean eyes bright with joy. “that’s a wonderful idea!”

hoseok had felt his vision blur and his face grow hot, and fresh tears slid down his cheeks as you stepped down from your throne, offering your hand to yoongi, who gently took it in his and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. 

he’d seen this exact gesture so many times, from many suitors, but this time, you didn’t curl your lip in disgust or roll your eyes like you normally did. hoseok saw a faint blush settle across your cheekbones as you looped your arm through yoongi’s, allowing him to guide you out of the throne room. 

hoseok had had enough. unable to bear the anguish any longer, he dashed out of the throne room, grateful that he’d thought to hide behind the tall columns that surrounded the space, so that no one could see him cry. he ran all the way to the garden, grateful that yoongi hadn’t thought of taking you there, and collapsed onto the soft grass, not caring his clothes got stained. hot tears streamed down his face, body wracking with soft sobs, and hoseok clutched at his heart, curling his fingers in the soft fabric of his jacket. 

it hurt, everything hurt, and now hoseok knew that there was no way that you’d ever reciprocate his feelings. he’d started to laugh bitterly, tears spilling from his eyes, for he was a fool for ever thinking that you’d love him back, that you’d see him as more than just a dear friend. 

a friend. that’s all i’ll ever be to you, nothing more. love? how pointless. hoseok had never known true heartbreak, true anguish, but if this was what it’d felt like to have his heart broken, he wished he’d never fallen for you in the first place. 

falling for you was my first and last mistake. hoseok had cried his eyes out for what seemed like an eternity, and later, as he sat numbly in a carriage on his way back home, eyes puffy and red-rimmed, he vowed to never love again.

“penny for your thoughts?” a voice said, and hoseok snapped out of his mini trance to see namjoon standing a few feet away, tending to some newly bloomed roses. he shook his head. “it’s nothing, i just spaced out, started to think about some tragic events that happened years ago.” this caused the taller male to frown. “tragic events?” he echoed, eyebrows furrowing with confusion. 

“it was a complicated matter, but it’s over now.” it’d been three years since you’d gotten married to yoongi, and hoseok still wrote to you every now and then, but rarely saw you anymore. then, understanding dawned over namjoon’s face, and his dark green eyes softened. “is this about y/n? were you thinking about her again?” 

hoseok mentally winced, hating that namjoon could read him like a book. “i was, my mind was wandering, and i guess i started to think about her and the day her parents married her off to yoongi.” a bitter chuckle spilled from his lips. “i must seem quite pathetic to you right now.” 

namjoon shook his head. “not at all. grieving over your first love is not a strange thing, it’s normal.” hoseok sighed, carding his fingers through his now silver hair, which he’d dyed on a whim months ago. “i’m not sure why i’m still hung up about her. i mean, shouldn’t i have moved on by now?” 

namjoon’s dark green eyes flashed with sympathy as he gently removed the leather gloves he was wearing, stuffing them into the pocket of the loose pants he was wearing. he sat down next to hoseok on the stone bench, stretching his long legs out in front of him. 

“it’s understandable, why you haven’t moved on from her.” namjoon began, and hoseok mentally braced himself for whatever the taller male was about to say. over the years, hoseok had struck up an unlikely friendship with namjoon, who was kind and clumsy and very wise, despite his young age, and he found himself going to the taller male for advice on occasion. hoseok even told him about how you had broken his heart and gotten bethrothed to yoongi, who was once one of the people he held dear. 

“she’s your first love, isn’t she?” hoseok managed a small nod. “and since she’s your first love and broke your heart, that makes the unrequited love that much more painful. besides, it’s only been three years, hoseok. it takes time to heal. if it takes you four or five years, then that’s perfectly fine. heartbreak and grief affect everyone differently, and everyone deals with it in their own ways. i suppose what i’m trying to say is that it’s okay to let yourself cry and grieve over her, it’s okay to feel the way that you do.” 

hoseok blinked back tears, and gave his friend a grateful smile. “thank you, joon, you’ve always been a good friend to me.” the latter waved away his thanks with a lazy hand. “no need to thank me, that’s what friends are for, no? we’re supposed to cry and lean on each other, it’s sort of an unspoken agreement.” 

“wait, joon, before you go, can i tell you something?” a gentle smile tugged at the corners of namjoon’s lips. “of course, anything.” he said easily, and hoseok felt his heart swell with gratitude. he exhaled slowly, clearing this throat, and began to tell namjoon what had had happened between him and yoongi on the day of the royal wedding. 

hoseok had been staring at his reflection in the mirror for what’d seemed like hours, dressing himself in a daze. today was the day that the love of his life was getting married. to his former best friend, of all things. he hadn’t seen you since the day yoongi had come to visit, being too preoccupied with wedding preparations. 

hoseok’s eyes drifted towards the neat stack of papers on his desk, and felt his heart ache. he’d kept every single letter you’d written him over the months, gushing about how amazing yoongi was, and that you were thrilled to be bethrothed to him. you also told him how much you missed him, and that you hoped to see him at the official ceremony. 

of course, when the invitation had arrived via the royal messenger, hoseok hadn’t hesitated to accept it. he’d told the messenger to tell you that he would be in attendance, no matter what. after weeks of crying his eyes out and sulking in his bedchambers, hoseok had decided that enough was enough. he needed to get his act together. 

so, he threw himself into his royal duties, attending every meeting his father required him to without complaint, and oversaw the building of the new armory in the east wing of the castle himself, no matter if he was exhausted from his history lessons with seokjin, the royal tutor. 

and all of that led him to this day, this moment, waking before the sun rose on the horizon, heart aching impossibly in his chest. he’d gotten dressed in a dazed state, not bothering to summon any servants for assistance. hoseok shook his head, snapping himself out of his mini trance. 

there was no time to space out and wallow in his own self pity. hoseok was going to be late to his best friend’s wedding if he didn’t hurry downstairs. after making sure that his jacket wasn’t wrinkled and that not a strand of hair on his head was out of place, hoseok raced out of his room. 

the wedding ceremony was grand, as hoseok had anticipated, and the castle was filled with nobility from all over genovea, light chatter and loud laughter filling the air. you were beautiful as always in a long, lace dress with flowers embossed in the soft white fabric. the dress fit you like a glove, and your long, dark hair had been styled to perfection, falling in waves down your back. 

yoongi had been in traditional wedding garb, which consisted of a dark jacket and pants, which were all tailored to fit his lithe figure. hoseok had decided to sit next to taehyung, jungkook, and jimin, the only princes he was truly close with, having met them at countless banquets and balls. 

they also knew about how he felt about you, having confessed to them when he’d had one too many glasses of wine, and had given him sympathetic looks as you’d leaned in to kiss yoongi after the priest had declared you husband and wife. hoseok had torn his eyes away, not wanting to see yoongi reciprocate the kiss. 

hoseok had spent the majority of the wedding standing by the large table laden with pastries, tiny cakes, and a plethora of other dishes that he couldn’t quite recall what they were. he’d been quietly sipping his champagne flute, watching as you glided across the ballroom floor, laughing as you were twirled and dipped, the dainty silver earrings you were wearing twinkling faintly in the dim lights of the room.

you were so breathtakingly beautiful, it nearly hurt to look at you. hoseok’s heart ached impossibly at the twinkle in your eyes, and how your eyes crinkled at the corners as you laughed and talked with the wedding guests. and, as yoongi twirled and dipped you, his hand wrapping around your waist, hoseok quickly blinked back tears. 

hoseok felt a bit pathetic, for crying over someone who’d never know how much they meant to him, but in the moment, he couldn’t help it. you were his first love and the one person who always treated him not as prince hoseok, sole heir to the kingdom of esmeralda, but as jung hoseok, who was sensitive and was a romantic at heart. 

despite himself, hoseok couldn��t help but feel happy for you, happy that you’d gotten the fairy-tale like ending you’d always wanted. he allowed himself a small smile, taking a long sip of champagne, the liquid burning his throat. then, an all-too familiar figure sidled up next to him, and hoseok immediately felt his entire body tense.

“hoseok, it’s been a while.” yoongi said in lieu of greeting, a strand of dark hair falling across his forehead, which he hastily brushed away. “it has.” hoseok muttered, tapping his fingers lightly on the rim of his champagne glass. an uncomfortable silence settled between them, and hoseok wracked his mind for an excuse to slip away. 

much to his dismay, yoongi broke the silence first, clearing his throat awkwardly. “how have you been?” “i’ve been better.” hoseok said tightly, hoping that the former would get the hint and leave him the fuck alone. unfortunately, yoongi did no such thing. “i know things ended quite badly between us back then, and i wanted to apologize.” 

hoseok pursed his lips together tightly, forcing a smile on his face. “what’s there to say? you made it very clear all those years ago that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with me and that i could, er, what was it you said? rot in hell?” his tone was pleasant, but there was a hint of malice hidden underneath. 

yoongi winced imperceptibly, a sign he was uncomfortable. good, hoseok thought bitterly. “i said some awful things back then, mostly out of anger. i guess i was pissed that you thought i’d gone and courted princess jiwoo without your knowledge.” hoseok tensed at the mention of his deceased older sister. 

“don’t you fucking dare say her name. you have no fucking right.” hoseok hissed, unable to maintain his calm composure any longer. “i’m sorry, it just slipped out. i know i have no right to utter her name, for i was the one who broke her heart.” hoseok thought he saw red as he dropped the champagne glass he was holding, glass shattering on the floor, and lunged towards yoongi, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket. 

“you absolute bastard.” hoseok growled, tightening his grip on yoongi’s jacket. he saw nothing but guilt in the latter’s eyes, and yet, somehow, that made him even angrier. “broke her heart? you didn’t just do that, oh no, you ruined her fucking life. she loved you more than anything, and you tossed her aside as if she were nothing more than a piece of paper.” 

“you think i wanted to hurt like her i did? to act as if she meant nothing to me?” “you certainly acted like you did.” hoseok spat, not bothering to hide the malice in his voice. yoongi’s dark eyes flashed with regret. “it was the only way to keep her safe.” “what the hell are you talking about?” 

“there was threats of a war, hoseok. bandits from another kingdom were invading and stealing from numerous villages. there were rumors that they were even stealing women and children, taking them from their loved ones. i didn’t think much of it at first, but when reports started to come in that the same thing was happening in the villages surrounding my family’s kingdom, i got scared that jiwoo would be a victim. so, i decided the only way was to cut ties with her. permanently.” 

hoseok blanched, grip loosening on the dark haired male’s jacket a bit. “breaking her heart was for her protection? i fail to see how this is justifiable.” yoongi sighed, the sound more exhausted than anything. “because there was a price on her head, and those bandits knew that she was connected to another powerful royal family, there’d be hell to pay.” 

hoseok’s mind was whirling, mostly with shock and confusion and many, many, questions. he let go of yoongi, who simply smoothed out the wrinkles in his jacket, expression schooling itself into neutrality. “i think i need some air.” hoseok mumbled, voice barely audible over the hubbub happening around them. 

yoongi gave a brief nod. “ok, well, lucky for you, i know the perfect place.” hoseok decided to follow after him, for there was no way he was not getting answers for what he’d just been told. 

outside, the air was cool and crisp and refreshing against hoseok’s skin, and he exhaled softly, breathing in the faint scent of flowers and evergreen. 

they were in the courtyard, hoseok noticed, which was littered with colorful flowers and the grass was green and lush, almost silver in the glow of the pale moonlight. “there was a price on jiwoo’s head? why didn’t you tell me?” hoseok blurted, and yoongi’s shoulders slumped, as if in defeat. “because i knew you would probably do something reckless, like go after the bandits yourself.” “i-i just don’t understand. why would you keep this from me? why would you leave me in the dark? you know how important jiwoo was to me, she was my sister.” 

his voice broke at the end, and hoseok could no longer hold back the choked sob that spilled from his lips, and yoongi only watched with sad, dark eyes. hoseok was certain he looked an absolute wreck, with eyes puffy and red-rimmed, and his usually neat black curls askew. 

“i guess it’s just hard to wrap my head around, but i guess i’m glad to know that you were at least trying to protect my sister, in your own way.” a sad smile tugged at the corners of yoongi’s mouth.

 “i suppose. i also really do regret hurting her and you like i did. i hope that we can maybe become friends again one day. that is, if you’re up for it.”hoseok smiled for the first time that night. “i’d like that.” 

“i’m honestly speechless. that’s quite the story, hoseok.” namjoon breathed, a bit stunned, and hoseok let out a soft chuckle. “yes, it is, isn’t it?” “have you spoken to him since then?” 

“a few times. we send other letters every once in a while. we’re not exactly at the level of closeness we were before, but we’re getting there.” namjoon grinned, dimples indenting in his cheeks.

 “progress is progress, no matter how little is made.” for the first time in a while, hoseok had never felt so light, and his heart bloomed with happiness, swelling impossibly in his chest, and couldn’t help but return namjoon’s grin with one of his own. 

hoseok had a come a long way since that fateful day, when he felt as if happiness was no longer possible for him, no without you in this life, that is. he supposed namjoon was to thank for forcing him to stop sulking in his chambers all the time and go outside to get fresh air. 

there were also those rougher days where hoseok would have one too many glasses wine, in a futile attempt to forget about the utter anguish and pain he’d endured. luckily, namjoon was there to take care of him the morning after, when his head was throbbing with a dull ache and his mind felt fuzzy.

taehyung, jimin, and jungkook also made a point to stop by esmeralda every now and then, dragging hoseok to the festivals, which were always full of laughter and pure, unadulterated joy, the smell of sweet candies and other delicacies lingering in the air. then, there was seokjin, who, instead of tutoring him over the ancient history of esmeralda, as his job entailed, amused hoseok by telling him the worst jokes he’d ever heard but still managed to make him laugh anyway. 

then, there were the letters. the letters that you and yoongi had written to him, and hoseok kept all of them, for the thought of throwing them away felt cruel. hoseok read each one that came his way, smiling softly at the way you’d describe how happy you were, and that you missed him dearly and wished that he would come and visit sometime. 

the letters to yoongi were a bit harder to read, hoseok would admit, for they came from the one person he thought he’d never talk to ever again. yoongi’s letters were short and simple, usually asking how he was doing and miscellaneous things, such as that he saw an adorable cat cross his path, or that he’d bought a huge crate of tangerines from the village farmer. 

nonetheless, the letters were always welcome, and hoseok loved reading them word for word, longing for the day when he and yoongi would become friends again, and when he could see you. even though yoongi had wounded him so badly, hoseok secretly didn’t want their friendship to become a thing of the past. 

though hoseok had initially resented yoongi for breaking his beloved sister’s heart, he thought deep down that the latter probably had had a reason for doing so. he was glad that yoongi had taken the initiative to repair their friendship, though things had gotten a bit out of hand at first. 

all of that led him to this day, this moment, sitting with his closest friend in the royal garden, basking in the warm sun and inhaling the sweet scent of roses. hoseok wasn’t sure how long it’d take him to heal from the pain of the heartbreak you’d caused him, but with namjoon and his friends by his side, he was sure that the process wouldn’t be all the unbearable. 

“are you alright? you spaced out for a bit.” namjoon asked, eyebrows furrowing with concern, snapping hoseok out of his mini trance. he shook his head. “i’m fine, just thinking. now, shall we go bother seokjin hyung until he tells us to fuck off?” namjoon grinned. “i’d love nothing more.”

a/n: hi my loves! so this was my first fic for the 1d x bangtan collab <3! i hope you all enjoyed this as much as i did writing it hehe and tysm to honour and cam for being the sweetest people ever and for reading every snippet i sent in our discord groupchat haha anyways i will see you with the joon fic next <3 also, i am still planning on releasing the last two fics of my ‘footnote’ series (i promise i haven’t forgotten about them) and, as always, feedback is always appreciated, and tysm to everyone who has read/liked my stories <3 

tagging: @svt1117 , @blushingkoo , @taeyo95 , @jimilter , @aquagustd , @playmetheclassics , @sketchguk​, @wonception , @raplinesmoon-main​ , @yoon2k​ , @baljinciaga​ , @codeinebelle​, + anyone else who wants to be tagged <3

[purplesurveys]

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Last thing you bought online? Did you like it? OMG OMG so I got Angela an Army Bomb!!!!!! for her birthday!!!! It was HELLLL looking for sealed ones that were already onhand, but fortunately I was able to find one from this really nice seller a few days ago and the shipping was quick as well. I’m just a little worried because the outbox has a little dent on it :( but it was the best onhand offer I could find so I got it before anybody could call dibs. I still hope she likes it! I got her batteries too so that she can try lighting it up as soon as she has it. :D

Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)?  I feel like this is such a petty thing to make a big deal about...if they knew how to commute or any other way to get to their destination, I don’t think this should be a problem. It would only be an issue to me if they refused to get a license in a very I-generally-lack-ambition kind of way.

How would you react if your artwork became famous?  I don’t have any to show off to begin with. I love appreciating art, but creating it was never a forte of mine.

Would you get your nipples pierced?  No, I don’t plan on getting any piercings. How many people know your birthday?  Outside of my family, my best friends. I think everyone else relies on Facebook to be reminded, which is fine with me.

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in?  No. Quite the contrary, really...I was sometimes informed about red flags taking place, which of course my stubborn ass ignored.

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial?  Probably, as a kid. The channel from which I used to watch WWE aired these really long infomercials so I would watch those while waiting for like Raw or whatever show was going on after.

What is your current MySpace song?  I never hung out on Myspace. I had an account, but I was too young for it so it wasn’t long before I got bored.

What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich?  Pulled pork or fried chicken.

Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with?  I only have one ex.

How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets? I find it really cute. But I personally wouldn’t put in as much effort lol.

Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins?  Hmmmmmmmm I don’t think so.

What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? She threatened suicide in front of me and my dad in a very calm way when I was around 11, I think? Maybe 12, idk. I haven’t actually thought about that moment in an extremely long time until this question. I’ll move on now and shove the memory at the very very back of my head before I get sad.

Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it?  Aside from members of BTS (lol), interior design inspirations.

Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike?  Ooh, love. When I bite into a cookie it hassssss to ooze chocolate, otherwise I would be underwhelmed.

If your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex’s clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them?  Support.

Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful?  They both are.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on?  Anything that has to do with writing (except poems), I guess? I like being able to give people advice and tips when it comes to that.

When was the last time you got all dolled up?  Last July when we had a big PR media launch thingy and I couldn’t afford to look like shit on Zoom.

Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.)  Never.

Do you have a criminal record?  Not criminal but it’s possibleeeee that I have some kind of record on my license from the time I got stopped by an officer in Alabang, lmao. It was a minor offense from a tiny part of the town so I don’t actually know if they filed it, but it’s possible.

Last person you took a nap with?  I don’t really nap with other people. I hate falling asleep in front of others to begin with.

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well?  No.

Do you think someone likes the same person you like?  I don’t like anybody.

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever?  No, I do not want to stay in a pandemic and not get to maximize my life the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed forever.

Have you ever been to craigslist.com?  I’ve never checked it out; idk if we have that here?

What about eBay?  I also dunno if they operate here so no, I’ve never bothered.

Have you ever used Nair?  Not Nair, but I’ve used Veet before.

Are you medicated?  Nope.

Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows?  I never do stuff to my eyebrows except shave them.

Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex?  Several articles of clothing were left behind here, yeah. I never had the chance to give them back because I stupidly thought we were going to get back together eventually. By the time I moved on the timing was already off, so the clothes stayed with me untillll...just a few days ago, actually – when I finally cleaned up my room and got rid of a bunch of knickknacks that accumulated here over the years, including all her shirts and sweaters and stuff.

Could you make a statement about anything political?  The 2022 presidential election landscape looks like complete shit and I’m nearly at that point where I want to stop giving a fuck about this country’s future.

Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate?  No.

Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon?  I think I’m already living in it, haha.

Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche?  Sure, but cliché is also hit and miss for me. I love Titanic and Love Actually, but I cannot stand movies like Me Before You and The Notebook. I guess it depends on certain executions, like the acting, screenplay, casting, etc.

Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month?  No, not inside. We did drive-thru within the last month, though.

Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house?  Not at Andi’s, but I have at Angela’s.

How often do you go bowling?  Extremely rarely. I can’t tell you the last time I went bowling.

Last time you were in an apartment?  Like 2007 when I visited my aunt back when she still lived in one. None of my friends have their own apartments.

Have you ever seen a live seahorse?  I don’t think so.

Would you like to have your own yacht? I mean I wouldn't say no if you offered it to me for free, but I'm not exactly interested in one. < Same.

Winnie the Pooh or Tigger?  Tigger always made me laugh as a kid.

What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today?  Luncheon meat, I think? I didn’t go overboard with the junk food today.

Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink?  Hm, not that I can recall.

What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot?  A bag of the salted egg chips that I really like costs like 30 bucks, or roughly 60 US cents.

What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to?  I don’t have any irl crushes, can I use a celebrity crush instead? HAHA he’s heavily into jazz and whenever he gets asked for music recos he always gives jazz artists from like the 50s and 60s.

Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were?  Gab. Dark brown.

Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? The Big Bang Theory and Friends; and then I also liked humming to the themes of Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, and BoJack Horseman. The Phineas & Ferb theme was also a lot of fun to sing along to.

Do you eat dessert after dinner? No, I never do that. I’m usually already full after dinner, and we don’t always have sweets at home anyway.

Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day?  Sure.

When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink?  Cocktails. I very rarely go for hard drinks/shots, especially if I brought my own car.

What was the last animal that you saw?  Dog.

What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings?  I just told my sister I was done using her laptop so she can have it back. My Memories of 2020 DVD turned out to be region-locked so I have to use her laptop every time I want to watch it :(

What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for:  My Map of the Soul photobook cost me around 5k in total.

What is your favorite messaging program?  Messenger.

Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week?  Wow no. Aside from being extremely unhealthy, that’s also a LOT of spending??

Have you ever almost drowned?  Yes.

Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook?  I mean I’ve had to learn about more than one family death through my Facebook feed, which sucks but is nothing I have control over. Otherwise the most shocking thing I’ve seen is probably classmates from high school having their own kids, but at this point I’m used to it already.

What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted?  I’m not really afraid of carrying/petting animals especially if there’s a guide or expert nearby, but the most daring one was probably the crocodile I volunteered to hold in Palawan.

Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for?  Not at all.

Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why?  I hate Mondays for obvious reasons lol. I don’t know anyone who is actively cheery about reporting back to work.

If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it?  I never eat oatmeal. I had that every single day for breakfast from like kindergarten to 4th grade and I vowed never to take a spoonful of it again.

What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep?  I dunno. I used to keep a log of the things my ex used to say in her sleep and a great deal of them were hilarious, but obviously I deleted that note a long time ago.

Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers:  Butterfinger.

Do you use Mozilla Firefox? Nopes.

Who is your favorite person to hug? Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever had to have a mug shot?  Nope.

What was the last thing you carried to your room?  Kimi.

When was the last time you had a late night phone call?  WELL over a year ago.

[kkyuproof]

Jikook/Kookmin Fic Rec Part 1

(Part 2 Here)

I’ve slowly been building up my list of KM fics and thought I might as well share them with the rest of the Tumblr-sphere (and organize them all because if the rest of my life is a mess, at least my fav fics can be orderly amirite)! I’m somewhat new to BTS and KM so it’s not too big a list, but I’m going to be updating this as I find more that I enjoy :) Happy Reading! 

(most of these are probs old fics because like i said IM NEW HERE IM SO SORRY, but i hope you still find it helpful idk man)

Mostly Fluffy Fics

you are the ruler of the stars (and my heart) by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 18k | Jimin reluctantly joins his college’s Space and Astronomy club on the basis of Taehyung’s persuasion. Surrounded by a group of unnecessarily tall space nerds, he unexpectedly finds himself falling in love with one of them.

OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO CUTE. One of my fav fluffy fics to be honest. I was squealing basically the whole time i was reading. love.

i’ll stick to you like glue-cose by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 7k |  Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy -- unfortunately also a past hookup -- that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won’t let him.

Another super cute fluffy fic!!! i just found this author and the fluff is just so amazingly written and not cliche at all and ugh. JK acts like he’s all suave but he’s really just a big softie and AH. 

friday nights (with you) by kstorms | Words: 24k |  How a random night at a karaoke bar leaves Jimin with two new friends and a frowny, terribly handsome crush.

Anther classic tbh. I think I’ve read this through like four or five times bc i have literally no life and enjoy this VERY well written humor. There’s like zero angst in this and it’s all mostly Taehyung being a very cute little shit to JK (KM is there obvs and they super cute but ya know). Def a must read.

competency at its highest potency by MauveTarte | Words: 10k | State-Sponsored Runs are the excitement of every Alpha and Omega youth.

Or,

Jimin has one final chance at this bonding thing before his life goes to shit.

the one and only ABO fic i’ve read with NO SMUT. that’s right, ya heathens! this one is solely plot driven (and super fluffy). It’s cute af and Taehyung is an amazing friend :)

(my heart beats) for you by sabotagemyheart | Words: 17k | In which Jungkook, as a child, befriends the exceptionally adorable, small and friendless Jimin, not knowing that after a few years, he’ll be wrecking this very boy underneath himself making him whimper out his name.

okay LISTEnn. This summary makes this fic sound a lot dirtier than it is (ok yes it’s smutty BUT there’s more fluff in this than anything else. its so so so cute.)

Mostly Smutty Fics

Studio 2 by Charmander | Words: 20k WIP | Somewhere along the way, Jimin lost that passion he used to pour into his art, watching as it slipped through his very fingers. But street kid Jungkook is all heart and soul, and he’s more than willing to help Jimin learn to burn with the same fire he carries inside himself.

okay so this one is very plot heavy (as is most of Charmander’s fics) so don’t think you’re getting JUST smut. it has an amazing storyline about sexuality struggles and i think a lot of you would enjoy it! (the smut is bomb af tho sooo) 

Starstruck by SugaTheTurtle | Words: 5k |  Everyone is attracted to idols at one point or another. As part of Big Hit’s staff, Jimin really shouldn’t still be as attracted to Jungkook as he was at the beginning. Maybe if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be stuck hiding inside a closet in his dressing room silently praying that the idol was reaching for the zipper on his pants to change into something more comfortable.

ALRIGHTY HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTS. This is for all you kinky fuckers out there who love pure smut. It was very interesting at first but as it progressed i was like whoaoaa i need some holy water. this fic is the epitome of “well, that escalated quickly” (but it’s still not rushed ??? which like...how?) enjoy! lmao.

Interlude by Bunbungee | Words: 9k | Jungkook has fallen in love at first listen with Jimin’s interlude and he won’t stop until he finds out why he is reacting so strongly to it. His search for answers takes a new turn when, one night, he discovers just how much the song can affect him.

Okay this was smutty, but still SUPER CUTE bc jeon is his typical shy bunny self who’s super oblivious and jimin is just a sweetheart. looooove.

Wet Depths by WorldwideWriter | Words: 10k | All it takes for Jungkook to break is a slightly unfair swimming competition and a too seductive Jimin.

GIVE ME ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FICS hell yes. I love their dynamic in this one, they hate each other (but they really don’t lol like come on.) and the sexual tension is insane.

everybody’s watching him, but he’s looking at you by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 6k|   In which Jimin formulates a three-step plan to get the hot bouncer to notice him. (Spoiler: it doesn’t go quite as expected.)

okay this is smutty but also super cute so like idk where to put it but jimin wears a thong in it so i think the smut category will suffice. a quick read but so worth it, JK is a lowkey sweetheart.

Blood & Chocolate by MyHope (CutesyMe) | Words: 35k | “What if I only want you to sit on my lap?” the stranger asks, which is an odd request. People always want Jimin to dance for them. Only sometimes do they ask of him to just sit on their lap but event hen he has to move in some way and not just sit still.

“Same price,” Jimin retorts.

Jungkook spreads his legs slightly and motions to his lap as if it’s the best seat that has ever been offered to Jimin. “Be my guest.”

so i don’t really know what to say here but i loved their dynamic in this fic?? i love the way JK treats JM in this ahhhh its SMUTTY AF but he still super sweet and protective.  There’s sooooome angst but it’s not too bad. Good plot.

New Heights by Charmander | Words 11k| There’s no better way to remind yourself that you’re alive than tempting fate from 700 meters above the ground and the searing touch of another’s fingers dragging down your chest.

1000% my favorite smut fic out there. the dialogue written in this fic is so well-done and absolutely hilarious. Sexual tension is CRAZY. love his fics.

give in to the game by cherrygloss | Words: 23k | “Jimin, if you honestly think that I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend so you can make your ex jealous, then you’re out of your mind.”

im s oRRY, i know this is mostly smut aljfdlkaldfj my thirsty ass has bookmarked so many smut fics but i can’t help it oof. but this is super cute smut with some feeliins.

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin by decompositionbooks | Words: 34k | The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook to dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

WOOH another classic! I live for jealous/protective!JK idk its just super cute. my fav ABO fic!!

two sides; same story by namjoone | Words: 12k | Okay, so maybe Jimin thinks his neighbor is hot.

A little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

haha ohhhh man i love mutual pining. they’re both totally dumb at the beginning of this and i live for it. also some hoottttttt ass smut. (bc i need jesus at this point)

Not a Girl by PinkBTS | Words: 8k | Jeongguk isn’t sure what he did in his previous life to deserve this but he probably screwed up big time...he’s kinda grateful though.

A story about Santa, assumptions and thick-rimmed glasses.

AHHHHH  this is so funny and awkward and hot and EVERYTHING. I live for frat!bangtan with my whole heart. 

Downpour by kikistiel (Kikai) | Words: 15k | Jimin doesn’t know what it is. But now, he’s not sure he’s ready for summer to be over just yet.

IM SCREAMING. This was almost poetically good (aka A+ writing oh my gerrrd). It’s kinda angsty too like a bit but its also so sweet i love it :( go read pls.

How to Seduce Your Dance Teacher by Jeon Jungkook by soranosuzu | Words: 5k | Currently there are a million thoughts racing through Jungkook’s brain, but two very prominent ones finally beat their way to the forefront of his mind. First, Jimin is hot as hell and Jungkook needs to find a way to get into his pants. Second (and maybe slightly more urgent than the first), Jungkook needs to find a way to prevent himself from popping a boner every time Jimin does that in the future and, more importantly, right now.

(aka AU in which Jungkook devises a plan to seduce his ridiculously hot dance teacher Jimin)

HELLL YEAH. that is all.

i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) by fatal (cumrich) | Words: 71k WIP | Packs merge all the time. It’s survival, Jimin knows that, but what he’s not prepared for is the attention he’s getting from a certain Jeon Jungkook, the alpha’s son.

yeeesss we got some more ABO up in this biiiiihhcc. It’s not done yet, but i strongly urge you to read!! so goooood and the smut is A1.

Mostly Angst

The Bet by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 46k |  Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester. 

Needless to say, things don’t go exactly as planned.

Yes i had to include this lovely classic :) Still one of my favs and probably always will be *shrug*. I’m not usually an angst person but this is like the perfect dosage for me to handle lol. If you haven’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life honestly go do it lmao.

lost stars by pjungkook | Words: 25k | Park Jimin has another maknae in his life and Jeon Jungkook is completely losing it.

have you ever felt like your heart was being smushed under an eighteen wheeler and your chest was caving in? Yeah that was me during this fic. But it’s sososo good and i promise there’s still fluff (i cannot live through angst without fluff) so READ.

Falling for you again by Rose_gold715 | Words: 30k | Jungkook loses all memory of the last five years of his life.

Jimin is scared he will never love him again.

wow okay so this one was a tear-jerker. you sympathize with both JK and JM but you’re also sort of frustrated with them at the same time?? soso good, definitely give it a read.

serendipity (none of this is a coincidence) by nclnns | Words: 30k | Jimin feels like crying.

Because the boy -- Jeon Jungkook as he had learnt a week ago -- is the exact opposite of Jimin.

And he’s the person Jimin’s boyfriend has been cheating on him with.

or

In which Jimin finds out that Taehyung is cheating on him with a boy named Jeon Jungkook and in the quest to understand what went wrong, he ends up falling in love with said boy.

so i haven’t read this one in a few months but i remember it being one of the first KM fics i had ever bookmarked, so it must have hit me in some way. JK is a sweetie though from what i remember.

On Patrol by Ragi | Words: 129k| Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable. Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can’t seem to keep out of his life. Captain Kim finds comfort in his son’s homeroom teacher. 

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

Okay so this isn’t like suuuuper angsty but it’s also not smutty nor super fluffy either??? So idk where to put it but i think angst fits this most. I also laughed quite a bit during this so it has humor!! Tae is also like an 8 year-old kid LDJAFODJOA (ft. Sope and Namjin)

we’re not broken just bent by calipha | Words 16k | “You’ll die,” Jimin hisses and they’re so close now that his perfect illusion is broken. Jungkook can see his dark circles, can see Jimin’s lips, red and raw from biting.

“I did almost die in this house once, five years ago,” he whispers, watching as Jimin clenches his jaw but doesn’t look away. “I think I can handle more. I’m bigger and stronger now, see?” Jimin holds his gaze for two seconds before it tracks south to move down Jungkook’s body.

MY HARRY POTTER LOVIN ASS IS VERY SATISFIED. jimin is just a misunderstood bb and jungkook is trying SO HARD not to pine ajweklfkldf.

[thesmithfamily08]

November 17, 2020

Election Night 2020...i went into it with some hope but I also knew that there was a good chance we would lose again.  I went to sleep thinking the race was over and Trump had won but woke up to not a victory for Biden but a definite turn in the other direction.  I spent days checking my phone every 10 minutes for updates as the votes from mail in voting slowly trickled in. Then it happened the called it, Biden and Harris won!  Guys we not only got Trump out of the White House, but we put a female in the VP spot.  It was a great day and I’m so proud that it happened.  The senate races have come down to two seats, both in Georgia (which went for Biden) but they will determine the majority in the Senate, so we will see in January how that goes, we did hold on the the house though so I am feeling good about everything.  Trump has been fighting it 100% saying the election is a fraud blah blah blah, I’m going to enjoy seeing his downward spiral:)  I want to go to Washington DC and see Biden and Harris be inaugurated in January but Covid is out of control again and it probably isn’t the smartest thing to do, not to mention they may not even do a huge ceremony with thousands of people watching, because of covid.  Either way I’m stoked, again proud to be an American:)

So Covid...this thing that has been around since March but honestly hasn’t effected up much is back at it.  Penelope’s school was closed all of last week and now all of Collinsville is closed for another 2 weeks.  I would like to say it was an easy adjustment back into virtual learning but the learning we did last year was a total joke and this has been pretty in-depth.  We have not made it through 2 days but it takes us the entire day to do it. With the three of them we have to share the computer and what not so it really is kind of exhausting.  I really an enjoying having them home though, not that I’m getting anything that I need to get accomplished done it is nice to get to hang out with them and see how they are all really doing in school. The deaths in the US have reached 250,000 people, oklahoma is heading in the wrong direction we are getting between 2500 and 5k people a day testing positive.  All summer it was like 400ish.  It is finally getting to all the rural communities who haven’t been taking is seriously. So here we are but we are managing. Thanksgiving is next week and a lot of people are going to get together because they don’t care so I only see it getting worse because then is Christmas everyone is going to go see family for that.  Idk it is pretty crazy.  

What else has been going on...I got a call from our renters the tree in front of the house in BA died....it is huge, I called 2 companies out to get an estimate to remove and one was 2k and the other was 950, ha so I went with the 950...that being said that was 3 weeks ago and he still hasn’t done it.  I’m starting to think he doesn’t want the job.  Not exactly how I was hoping to spend an extra 950 this close to the holidays but I think we will get through ok.  Better than it falling on the house and hurting someone.

We ripped out the wet bar in the living room, Rob started building the cabinets but with school and everything going on it has been a bit of a slow process.  I have a feeling he will make a lot of progress over the Thanksgiving break since we have nowhere to be.  Next step is the Kitchen!  I’ve been saving money so we have about 10k right now to drop into it I know it will most likely be well over that price but hopefully that will get us a good start of the way into it! 

I’ve been planning Lily’s birthday party, we decided because of covid to not do it at our house but to do it at the skaing rink, so that is coming up on December 5th, the weekend after Thanksgiving, I’m really hoping the kids go back to school that week so I can have lily hand out eh invitations.  I’ve been back and forth on canceling but I honestly think that if we go and wear masks it’ll all be fine.  I have been planning Katies baby shower too, which I really need to put more time into, hopefully when the kids go back to school I’ll have more time but that is going to be on January 15th.  I’m pretty worried about if that is going to be able to happen or not because of covid, I know Katie wants it to though so I am pushing on like it is until someone tells me to stop.

Hopefully in a month when I post, Lily will have had an amazing party, I’ll be totally ready for Katies shower and covid will have slowed down enough for us all to enjoy a fantastic Christmas....yeah all of that. 

I didn’t write an update on my diet journey, well I made it down to 111.0, still trying for the rest but I kind of plateaued hard.  As of yesterday I did a reset and and back to dieting pretty strict :( Rob hid my scale, haha I’m going to stick to what I am doing for 2 weeks (yes that includes Thanksgiving) then hopefully I will have made some progress in the right direction!  Either way I’m happy that I am still progressing even if it has been overwhelmingly slow and painful I’m incredibly proud of myself for sticking to this and becoming a more healthy person. 

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: The Art of Losing

Last week, @redphlox, @sojustifiable and @soundofez stopped in to talk about their 2016 Resbang, The Art of Losing! Here’s some of what went down:

Q: What is your fav scene, to write or just based on how it turned out! 

redphlox: I def had fun writing the climax, it was so much drama and I. love. writing. drama. I'm happiest with that. I also really enjoyed writing the middle section, where Soul and Maka are traveling, because i got to build their relationship in small scenes. It was fun to write a scene and realize it could lead to something else. It blossomed.

Q: Amanda and fez, you both did some really cool unique art! What made you wanna work in those mediums and how did you decide what scenes or subjects you wanted to art?

Amanda: Last year my default position was that I wanted to write music because I wasn't as experienced with visual art and I love writing songs based on stories and I definitely decided to stick with that for Julie's because she has a really poetic style that made for good lyric mining. And then for my other piece, marsh had sent me a bunch of cool art supplies and I wanted to try them out so I decided to do some work with pastels.

fez: I had enough Resbangs that I wanted to do something different for each one? And I'd been wanting to animate lately and I knew I could find gifs to trace from Anastasia so that helped. The third gif tho... so the night before post day I felt like I hadn't really done enough with the Fic Itself, all I really did was trace movie gifs and idk, I wanted to actually have scenes from the fic. So I started skimming and looking for things to sketch and then I came across one particular line that inspired my third gif and... that one took over lmao rip.

Q: What made you inspired to write an Anastasia AU?

redphlox: I was watching the movie and I thought "Imagine Soul in Dimitri's outfit" and it snowballed from there! I also love Anya and Dimitri's relationship, they have a lot of sass at first and grow to like each other, and I saw a lot of SoMa in them.

Q: Amanda/fez, do you feel like you grew in ur arting skillz from this Resbang, and how so? Same for you and writing, Julie.

fez: I learned that animating hair is stupidly difficult hahah. But yes, I definitely learned things about animating (namely how it takes a suuuuuper long time) and it made me appreciate animation so much more.

Amanda: Every time I write a song it definitely gets easier and I can rely more on motivation than waiting for raw inspiration.

redphlox: Hmm I felt like I grew in the plotting department. Style-wise, I learned I change styles a lot, and finding my voice for this fic was incredibly hard at first. It took 3 months to iron out the beginning because of these things, but the rest flowed after I found something I could own. I also learned to write faster and to be more disciplined. I committed to doing 1k a day to trudge through the difficult parts, and on days where I felt inspired I did a lot more than that.

Q: What was the hardest scene to write?

redphlox: Lord, the hardest was the beginning, for plotting reasons. I kept writing and deleting and adding characters and deleting them, it was awful. Overall I think the opening scene gave me more hell than it should have because I couldn't decide how I wanted Soul and Maka's relationship to start.

Q: What kinds of things did you do to find the voice and tone for the fic? Are there any writing rituals you have?

redphlox: I have to find a song that puts me in the feel of the scene I'm writing and I listen to it on repeat the whole time, haha. And to get myself pumped up, I read a lot of good writing that I admire.

Q: Do you do playlists for each fic?

redphlox: I listen to the same songs when I write, tbh. I listened to "4 page letter" by Aaliyah a LOT for this fic. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2maiIc_LACs). The lyrics don't fit the fic but I love the emotion behind Aaliyah's song, and her voice is beautiful. The longing is real, and that's what I wanted Soul and Maka's relationship to lead up to. I also listened to this song over and over again: https://youtu.be/bs2VL_HYG9Y.

Q: What inspired Maka's parents story for you, if anything? I know that that was an interesting subplot that I was not expecting when I read it!

redphlox: I wanted to stick to canon, but I also wanted to borrow from the movie, haha. So Spirit and his wife not having the best relationship comes from the manga, and everything else was a sprinkle from the movie. I was just trying to make everything plausible and it turned out into this subplot xD. All the little bits of what Maka COULD remember had to make sense in the end so I had to think and think and think.

Q: The jazz scene was one of my faves, and one that didn't really have a movie parallel. Was that a scene that you knew to write from the beginning, or did it pop up on its own?

redphlox: That scene literally popped up on its own. It was one of those that bloomed because of the previous scene. I also wanted to address Soul's love/hate relationship with music and extend the metaphor of Maka being able to see things around her, and that included Soul.

Q: Did you do any research to nail the period? Same question to all.

fez: Julie gave us clothing references ;v; I... really didn't do any research.

redphlox: Oh yeahhhh. I know the movie is set in the 1920s-ish and I wanted my fic to be vague time-period wise so that I didn't have to commit to too many intricate details, but I did look up clothing references for Amanda and fez. And I had to research transporation methods for that time period, because Soul and Maka spent so much time doing that. I wanted to be subtle, but not entirely inaccurate. Idk how many times I googled "1920s women’s fashion" in different words.

Q: What are you most proud of?

redphlox: I'm most proud of how much I wrote in so little time. I lost 3 months agonizing over my writing style and the opening scene. I don't think I got the beginning down until after second author check-ins. So when it just clicked, I cranked out 13k one week, 10k the next, and 5k in one day :0 It was insane. I'm also really proud of chapters 5-8 because everything was piling up for the characters and I introduced Spirit and Wes, and tension were running high between Soul and Maka. I can't tell you how much I love to make them suffer.

Q: I loved the part where Soul is like "WAIT WHAT BOY" when she "remembers" him when they're in the train. Did you pull from anything specific to get those emotions across?

redphlox: Ahhh I pulled from those depression feels of inadequacy LOL. He was just touched that he had an impact on her, bc the time they had together was v little. ;-;

Q: Did you watch the movie a lot? I really love how you managed to capture the feel of it while staying true to the spirit of the SE characters. How did you manage to walk that line so well?

redphlox: Ahh, I watched it the first time when I decided to write it, and then I watched it with fez at her house, and I watched it again when I was at my most frustrated with writing. Anddd I love that movie so much, it's one of my favorites, and I wanted to do it justice. I wanted to capture its feeling, because it's so beautiful and nostalgic. I didn't want to take everything from the movie, because some of it didn't fit the characters. Like, I couldn't see Soul trying to con someone for their money, like Dimitri did in the movie, but I could def see Spirit heartbroken but hopeful of seeing his daughter come back one day, even if it was stupid.

Q: Did you have any beta comments Julie that you particularly liked/thought were funny/encouraged you?

redphlox: All of bendandcurl's comments were super encouraging and insightful, and anytime Proma gave me a thumbs up on something I did feel like a proud student. Because my fic was more of a serious drama than fluff there weren't any funny comments besides the occasional gif during a serious moment in the fic.

Q: Okay but. Anya. Did you consider having her make an appearance?

redphlox: Oh I did! I had originally written Anya coming into the bakery to meet Soul in the very beginning to talk about their thing but leave after he didn't show up. That way later, when the truth was revealed, Maka could've had a lightbulb OH moment. But then I decided against it and left Anya as a background character.

Q: fez, I wanted to ask why you liked the spirit and maka gif so much, what inspired you to pick that scene?

fez: Ahhhh I have a lot of family feels, so when I saw the twirlies I... I wanted it. Maka's pigtails made me suffer but in the end it was worth it.

Q: What was [everyone's] favorite part about collaborating?

Amanda: Oo well first of all I was excited to work with fez and Julie because they are both gr8 and I had no idea Julie was writing it, so it was a really fun surprise, and then also a perfect fic to write a song for because Julie has so many good phrases to pull for lyrics.

fez: I also flipped out when I found out I'd be working with Julie and Amanda ;v; probably I had the most fun throwing my WIPs around ahah;;

redphlox: I was so stunned when I saw that Amanda picked mine, and that multiplied when fez joined. :0 It was a wild ride, and seeing their progress on their art was phenomenal like, they truly brought it to life and I'm so grateful for their hard work. I'm happy with it, it was a good team.

[inktae]

OMG THAT IS SUPER WEIRD??? Ahahah yes come to Venice, that must be a sign lol also I GOT JEON JUST BECAUSE HE DOES SOMETHING WEIRD TO MY COMPETITIVE SPIRIT OK *whispers "how the hell did the kid get that license when he can't even stay in his damn line"* Anyway, that sounds so nice, the fluffy you and the fluffy Nala going around in the park :') ah, so peaceful, it's good that you can relax a bit!!! Oh and thank you, I hope you can write nicely too tonight ^^ -1

(btw, how did it turn out that horror story? the concept disturbed me quite a lot tbh) Also, I saw the ask about “Te quiero” and in Italy we have sth similar “ti voglio bene” that is in between “i love you” (which in Italy we say only to our partners, since it’s a very intimate way of see it) and “i care for you” only that it’s more intense than the latter and more platonic that the first. Tbh I love that some things can’t be translated in other languages, idk, it makes things special :’) 2/2

tbh I really think you could write something inspired by your city! you could write such a lovely atmosphere with that, and so accurate too :’) I really wanted to write something set in barcelona, but I can’t remember the city that much - I hope I can go back sometime soon and get inspired by it. and I’ve actually been running with nala so MUCH haha, but she’s actually faster than me lmao and she tires me so quickly, but it’s good exercise, and I plan on training more with her so I can keep up (besides I’m feeling guilty since I’ve eaten too much junk food for like 3 days straight. I rlly need the exercise rip)

also, the horror story… *nervous laughter* I NEVER FINISHED IT, WHAT A FAIL. but honestly I was enjoying the story and I think I can take it to a fic in english, maybe. idk.. even though the narrative was turning out fine, I felt like I was rushing it since I only had 4 days, plus it was my first time writing in spanish in years and I didn’t want it to turn sloppy. besides, no way it was gonna be 5k D: I got to 1k and there characters were barely starting their conversation haha

anyway, to give you a brief description of the plot, the story started with this boy attending therapy for the first time to talk about his nightmares (which involved a monster/murderer called the whistler, the one I told you about, which is an urban legend of his town) and the nightmares started after his best friend, a girl he was in love with, died in mysterious circumstances. but as he talks to the therapist things start turning creepy, the woman starts messing with his head and he starts wondering if the nightmares are actually real, and if he’s murderer starring his own dreams. here the plot got kind of fuzzy (I wanted to write whatever came to mind here haha) but the therapy was actually another nightmare, and when he wakes up from it he’s covered in blood and he doesn’t know what’s real anymore since he just starts seeing things everywhere. I was supposed to finish the story by revealing the monster was actually his (dead) best friend, who was purposefully messing with the boy’s head to turn him to her side. IDK, this is way too creepy honestly HAHA

also, ti voglio bene sounds really beautiful! tbh yes, it’s really interesting to get to know these untranslatable words, and like you say they make a language special :’)

[love-transparentstudentarca-blog]

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Like a $400,000 Lamborghini Murcielago or a $500,000 Chrysler ME 4-12? A little vague, but what would a ballpark amount be?""

Exceptional First Car With Low Insurance?

I am straight 'A' student, and I have completed the Driver's Education course at my highschool. My family does not really make that much money, but my parents would like to buy me a car at an exceptional rate. I am probably only going to live in Florida for another year, and then I am moving out to California. Depending on what type of car I decide to get, I don't know if I will be taking it with me or not. My mom wants to buy me a brand new car, meaning a current 2008-09 model, but I keep explaining to her that it's very hard to find a cheap new model (unless someone knows something I don't?). I would just like some third party input on this decision. What is the best car company, and what car model would have the lowest insurance rate? I have tried researching Mazda, Acura, Nissan, and Honda, because I prefer these companies; however, I haven't had any luck because I'm so new to shopping for a vehicle. I like hybrids, and it would help if I am able to get a car with great mileage as well. Of course, I'm sure many of you know this is because of our depleting economy, lol. Ok, I don't mean to make this a book, I'm just trying to give as much information as I can so I can maybe get a clear answer. Thanks in advance =).""

""If I open a bank account with USAA, will I pay less for USAA car insurance?""

I'm a college student who inherited USAA car insurance through my mom. I'm transferring to a 4-year Uni and looking for all the simplicities and money saving options available ie; overdraft protection, quick debit records, free atm anywhere, no monthly charge, online features........ pretty much everything USAA has standard. As of now I still bank with BOA, but it may be simpler and cheaper to bank with USAA... especially if they offer a price cut in monthly car insurance. Much thanks to those(asside from insurance salesmen or banking officials) with information. =)""

Car insurance?? please help. I am 17 and have been told that I cannot pay car insurance monthly!! ??

I am really worried now as I simply cannot afford the lowest quote of 1600 all in one go. My car is a citroen ax 1.0 if that helps? Are there any other 17 year olds out there who do pay car insurance monthly if so how??

Car Insurance in Florida?

Hi! Does anyone know how expensive car insurance in Florida is? Specifically, Progressive insurance? Does anyone that has Progressive know if it is more expensive in Florida versus another state, like Wisconsin?""

It is good to Invest in LIfe Insurance than a Bank?

Life Insurance cover -Accident insurance -Death Insurance -Hospital Insurance -and they say you can retrieve the money that you've deposit if you don't like to continue with a good interest. anyway the life insurance that i talk to is sunlife flexilink, they say it is good to invest unlike in a bank please give me an advice, thanks""

Motorcycle cost monthly?

Hey guys, I have some questions for you. I am 17 years old, and want to buy my first motorcycle (supermoto). I think I have a good idea on what it costs, but i'm just unsure. First off, i'll need to get my license. What'll that cost me? (California). I do have a car license, so getting the motorcycle license should be short and sweet, but i dont know. secondly, i'm going to get some motorcycle gear. I figure I'll be in 500$ with both license and gear (nice used leathers probably). Then i am going to get the bike which costs $4000. Being a supermoto, the insurance should be cheaper right? DRZ400sm if that helps. So between monthly payments and insurance, I should be in... 200$ a month? then gas, social life, blah blah. What do you think I need to be making monthly to make this happen. I bring in 500$ a month, and have 600$ in the bank as of now.""

""In NC I am looking for individual health and dental insurance. Any suggestions on some reliable, affordable?

companies? I just have no idea where to start and what is a good rate. Checked out BCBS of NC but it all looks like gibberish to me.

Does anyone know how much tax and insurance would cost for a 17 yr old learner driver?

Does anyone know how much tax and insurance would cost for a 17 yr old learner driver?

Will my gf's car be taken away if I don't have any car insurance but I have my driver's lisence?

I am a young adult and I recently obtained my Driver's License last year on the day before Thanksgiving. After that, I have been driving my gf's car and was wondering what ...show more""

Disability Insurance Questions?

what does disability insurance mean and who gets it's benefits

About how much a month does a first time teen driver in Northern VA pay for car insurance?

What is a reasonable figure?

""What agency will investigate fraud, abuse or illegal activity in government medical insurance programs?

And how will the Judicial system be made affordable for persons who are living in poverty?

aarp insurance quote

aarp insurance quote

Can I apply for Health insurance and how?

Im only 17 years old and i no longer want to be under my mom's health insurance because im pregnant. So i was wondering what are my options for health insurance? i have no idea where to begin.

Buy individual family heath policy - what to look for -?

hello, i wanted to buy a individual insurance for my family and please advise me a good company my family = myself(31),wife(29),and kid (1yr). -- i got some online quotes. but could you please let me know what are some of the things to look for while shopping for a individual family insurance.. basically, my expectation from a policy,is something that covers my kids doctor visits at no cost and should be acceptable in best hospitals and doctors office.""

Is there any way i can get off your parents insurance?

because i want to apply for my own insurance. 17, 18 in 60 days.""

""I need car insurance, but have a terrible driving record right now. Any suggestions?""

How can I get coverage at a decent rate when I have a crappy driving record?? Ive called about 4 different companies, the lowest rate i found was $209 a month for 6 months. I have 7 points on my record currently!! I cannot get insurance through my parents and i am not married so basically I'm screwed...or I should look into paying a driver to cart my butt around.""

What's your Scion TC's Insurance Rate?

Scion TC's are in the top 10 most expensive cars to insure. (Number 2) So I was wondering if you have a TC, how much do you pay monthly? What's your deductible? What insurance company are you with? And how old are you?""

A question about the affordable health care act!?

My wife was born in 1955. She would like to retire, collect Social Security when she turns age 62. Since she cannot get Medicare until age 65, we were thinking about getting her ...show more""

Good car insurance price for teens?

Im 16 and I just got my license. My dad told me the insurance agent said its going to cost $130. I dont think that is including drivers education discount and good grades discount. How much discount a month you think Ill get and is that a good price? (Im getting a Nissan Xterra)

Whats the top 10 cars cheap on insurance for a boys first car (17yrs)?

can i not have any resent cars that have just came out even thought they are good on insurance i just don't like them can i have cars like the austin mini cooper 90's or the beetle, cars like that please.""

How much would car insurance be for me?

roughly what would i have to pay for car insurance heres some info -im 18 -car is a honda civic 2010, new -got my license at 18 -live in massachusetts""

How much will my car insurance rise?

I am 16. I have gotten a 4 point 19mph ticket and a ticket that will show up 0 points miscellaneous. I also have taken a defensive driving course. The insurance company knows of none of these yet. Once they find out about all of them, how much will it go up""

Do you need insurance for a driver's permit?

I'm hearing different things from all different places and rather than sifting through all of the crap at the dmvedu website I thought I'd ask you guys and get a straight answer. Do I need insurance to get my permit, or just for my liscense? I live in California, by the way, if that makes any difference with the law.""

How much would a car insurance be for a 18 years old?

How much would a car insurance be for a 18 years old?

How much is motorcycle insurance?

im about to turn 18 and im planing to get a sport bike but i want to know how much the insurance will cost me

What would my monthly Homeowners Insurance premium be?

For a home in Lapeer, MI 48446. The House is 1600 Square feet, built in the 80's. I was told on Yahoo!'s calculator I would need around 180,000 worth of coverage, but I dont know how to compute that into a monthly payment. Thanks""

Which insurance company insures in the us and in canada?

question is in the title.

Do I really need Car Insurance?

I live in Kentucky. My car is not drivable at the moment and has not been for months. Since I can't even drive the piece of ****, do I even need Insurance? I'm paying to much for it anyway and I don't think I should be paying for something I'm not driving!""

What is the cheapest Car insurance in NH?

I have a 98 ford taurus, nothing special first car, NH has stupidly high insurance im discovering so maybe someone can suggest a good one, good as in cheap. Thank you!!""

Would insurance cover it if i get my teeth bonded?

my teeth are chipped pretty badly, and it's causing me a lot of discomfort. i've had them sanded before to smooth the chipping, but they're already little. would insurance cover this? (united healthcare)""

What is the cheapest insurance company for a inexperienced 18yr old driver?

I'm looking ti out insurance on my soon to be new used car? I'm just now getting a license and I don't know where to begin looking for insurance.

Car Insurance Question?

I am currently a provisional driver, and to insure my car it would cost me 999. Once I past my test it will cost me about 4,000 to insure the same car. If I insure my car as a provisional driver now, will it be the same price when I pass my test, or will it be a lot more expensive like it is now? I really don't want to be paying 4,000 to insure a car :S""

Motorbike insurance cost?

hi all i have just passed my bike test and was wondering how much insurance would be for a 125, 250 range engine im 18, 0ncb any suggestions would be good cheers""

Is this a new car insurance con?

Just tried to get car insurance through that confusing website. We chose the cheapest one and when we went to pay for it, the swines said error phone this number bla bla bla . So we phone up and they add another 35 onto the quoted price. Of course we said on your nelly . Is this a typical con? Have you experienced that?""

Where I can get best auto insurance rates ?

Please find me a good web site to get some details about best auto insurance rates . For my research this data will be useful to me. thank you

I dont get what to do about car insurance?

Im 16, and ive had my permit since last august, and im gonna go for my license. I lived with my dad, but i have been living with my mom for a while. Im probably going to go on my dads insurance. But, can i drive my moms cars. So my questions are 1. Can I drive my moms cars when if i am on my dads insurance, is there a policy where I can drive other peoples cars? 2. Can I go on my dads insurance if I dont live with him? 3. Im not on any insurance now, I drive with my parents. They are on the insurance and their cars are covered, so do I already have to be covered with just a permit. 4. Im going to use my moms car for the driving test, do I have to be on insurance by then? I know they check for proof of insurance but i dont know if im supposed to be on it. My parents are divorced and I live in illinois and they have different insurance companies.""

17 year old car insurance prices ?

im comparing cars on moneysupermarket because im 16 an need a heads up on insurances costs etc... but i compared a classis mini 1.0- annual: 6000 and Monthly: 650 also, 2007 vauxhall corsa 1.0- annual: 8000 Monthly: 852 and a 1993 Ford Fiesta 1.1- annual: 12000 Monthly: 1152 now i can sort of understand the price for the mini, due to its a small car with a small engine, but the corsa's like brand new? how can the insurance be sort of lowish. but why are they charging huge amounts for a fiesta that is older than me and is probably falling to piece's slowly ? im so confused :S can some one help me and please explain this i really want to be able to have a first car at 17 but at this rate i might be stuck on a motorcycle for a few years then maybe have enough money to afford a car :/""

aarp insurance quote

aarp insurance quote

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