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#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off
girl-bateman
·
28 days
Text
Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all
#literally my soul is gone or something
#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed
#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.
#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better
#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off
#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot
#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy
#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously
#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends
#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help
#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho
#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !
#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback
#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk
#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore
#but who knows 🤷♀️
#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol
#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown
#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way
#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever
#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality
#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good
#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you
#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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