#always forget to tag as my art ughhh

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

hits them with the hoomanization beam

[shirogane-oushirou]

OMG RENNIVERSAY???? HAPPY ANNIVERSARY AGAIN YAYYYY GUSH PASS IF U WANT HEHE 🎫🎫🎫

😭💕💕💕 THANK YOU NIIICK!!!!!!! for both the oushiversary and the renniversary (and honestly all of the time), your tags on rbs make me so giddy and emotional and i'm always so thankful ;w; wah.

i have a hard time expressing just how much ren has done for me this past year so... it's rambling time ksjdnfjk...

[pet death mention] my baby boy cyrus had lost his battle with cancer just a week prior to The Dream. i won't ramble about him here, but he was my biggest support when home life got fuck-y; losing him was like losing a part of myself. [/pet death mention end]

unfortunately i didn't have much to focus on afterward... i was trying to keep busy, but the art parties i'd been attending went on a long hiatus shortly after this, and while i TRIED vrc for a bit i found The Social Anxiety meant it wasn't the best choice for me ;;

and then i had this long, cinematic dream, about befriending and getting flirty with a dorky, fruity scientist from the c.dc (lol. lmao. i would NEVER!!!!! that's the very first thing i changed about him KJASNDKJN) who was fun and goofy and was so so loving to his niece who followed him around everywhere ;w;

and then he did a little villain heel-turn after being infected by a sentient parasite (also lol. lmao. my brain trying to bully me and make me feel bad... but it does it in the form of a cute bisexual man? 🥴). and of COURSE when his niece and i acted afraid of him he did the whole "i'll destroy everyone powerful in this city. and i won't let anyone or anything harm you." thing and i just OOUGHHHH. there's more to it than that, and i don't want to ramble TOO much, but he was so clearly twisted-justice-but-loves-people-so-hard core. that's the good shit ughhh.

and so! according to the document timestamp, i woke up at 5:45am, opened my ipad, went into procreate, and went to town scribbling down a vague idea of his face and mannerisms before passing out again. i KNEW i didn't want to forget this guy; i immediately felt he was special. most of my ocs come from dreams in some form, but he was already almost fully formed. The Ideal. To Me...

and when i woke up for real, i spent the day nailing down his design. and i was Officially Doomed from then on u_u

he's changed SO MUCH in the past year (just the fact that i had to revive his supernatural villain form as a separate AU a few months ago is proof of that KJANSDKJN)... as have i. he gave me someone to focus on as i healed, a reason to continue drawing in spite of the aforementioned art party hiatus, pushed me to join the selfship community For Real, lead to me meeting so many people and making so many friends outside of my teeny tiny a-couple of-friends-from-college circle, helped me appreciate the oc creation process and AUs so much more, pushed me to do monthly art challenges that i haven't done since before i fell ill...

and just... made me love myself more. made me appreciate the things i didn't like about myself. helped me realize the potential of selfshipping in general, to be a tool to see oneself as deserving of love, even if it takes making a fictional character play messenger between the self-doubt and self-acceptance bits of your brain.

i likely would have just stayed in my own little corner -- my quiet little oushirou blog that i didn't have linked anywhere, chatting in stream chats but not talking to any chatters outside of that -- if not for ren. i've met so many people who have similar struggles! different struggles! similar and completely different interests! gone completely outside of my comfort zone and found such a good circle of people who uplift each other!! HELL, my art blog has multiple times the followers as i have here, but they only ever interacted with my umi.neko art LMAO -- here it feels like we all want to support each others' art and writing and other creations and rambles and and and.

and it's because ren gave me a reason to make that step. start tagging things, start following people and reaching out, chatting with people who reached out to me... he's genuinely changed my life for the better. ;w; i don't think i'll ever be able to express just how thankful i am that he came to me at the exact moment i needed him most. i love him so so much rghhhrgh. gripping him in my fist and kissing him all over his face forever and ever. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[mikallow-art]

palette challenge thing i did a few days ago and forgot to post,,, anyways i love kanaya a. lot.

[tenrose]

30 questions tag game

i was tagged by @kiraslight​ thank yoyu :D

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Name/Nickname: Amanda

Gender: woman apparently

Star sign: gemini

Height: 1.62cm

Time: 22:05

Birthday: june 10th

Favourite bands: way too many, but here we go with a few. Within Temptation, Rammstein, Ad Infinitum, Null Positiv, Jinjer, Ignea, Dreamcatcher, Lacuna Coil, Nightwish... and like 30 more I just forgot about right now.

Favourite solo artists: I don’t listen to a lot of solo artists at the moment but Halsey, Janelle Monae, AleXa,

Song stuck in my head: none at this precise moment

Last movie: currently watching back to the future 2

Last show: His Dark Materials is the only thhing i have the energy to be invested in now.

When did I create thig blog: 2013 but I was regularly coming on tumblr since like 2012

What I post: it varies so much, but His Dark Materials, music, art, nature, Doctor Who, idk???

Last thing googled: Janelle Monae to see where the accent goes on her name cause I always forget but I don’t have it on my yet french keyboard full of accent so i never type it :/

Other blogs: just url i like to keep

Do I get asks: sometimes

Why I chose my url: BECAUSE LYRA AND HER PAN ARE THE BEST 

Following: 317

Followers:almost 7k but like 60% of them are not active anymore lmao

Average hours of sleep: six and it’s clearly not enough compared to the hours of work (literally we do we spend more time working than sleeping??? ughhh)

Lucky number: not lucky but I like 3, 7 and 10

Instruments: i don’t need an instrument to be loud and annoying already lmao

What am I wearing: star wars jumper, black denim legging, 

Dream job: NO JOB JUST TRAVEL

Dream trip: a  roadtrip to every castles in Germany & Austria, Iceland, New-Zealand

Favourite food: lasagna

Nationality: french

Favourite song: lately I’d say Scream by Dreamcatcher (legit have an obsession with this song lmao)

Last book read: The Deep by Rivers Solomon

Top three fictional universes: Tolkien’s world, Lyra’s World (I mean is it cheating if I say HDM worlds? Lmao), when Starfleet finally exists.

Tagging @phantomdivine @misfit-on-a-journey @twocandles

[lairofsentinel]

Rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

tagged by @bluegrumps​

(I’m not tagging people)

— what was your last…

1. drink: mate (counts? it’s a south American beverage. I'm an alcohol-free peson)

2. phone call: My doctor, to make an appointment

3. text message: One of my friends (he is like a brother to me)

4. song you listened to: Dubstep _ Instrumental Core - The Angels Among Demons

5. time you cried: a year and a half more or less. When my father died.

__ have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: No.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I regretted the relationship, because she used me, but no. I liked kissing my partner in all my relationships. (Or you mean outside a relationship? Never did that)

8. been cheated on: Oh... god. Twice. My first relationship, and my second and most meaningful one. The feeling of not being enough is horrible when this keeps happening like a habit. I have this certainty that my relationships will end in that way, always. 

9. lost someone special: Who didn't?.

10. been depressed: Since teenage. Ups and downs.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never

— fave colours

12. Black

13. Dark red

14. Brown

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: I guess I did. I think.

16. fallen out of love: No.

17. laughed until you cried: A couple of months ago. One of my friends is hilarious... he makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

18. found out someone was talking about you: No.

19. met someone who changed you: No. I changed because I had to pass an exam, and I acquired really good habits that I keep them.

20. found out who your friends are: No. I know long time ago.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: What? no. How specific this one is

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: 70%. The rest are online friends. I hope I can meet them personally. Eventually.

23. do you have any pets: My dog. She is called Maia.

24. do you want to change your name: Please, yes. I wish so much to change it... but Law is so binary, that never considered that option for us.

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Nothing. I try to make everyone forget my birthday.

26. what time did you wake up today: 3.45 am. Ughhh.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Trying to sleep.

28. what is something you can’t wait for: Shadowhunters new episodes. And More Magnus Bane.

30. what are you listening to right now: The sound of the Void. Aka, silence.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Never.

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: People full stopping in middle of the street just to watch their phones, while I'm walking super fast behind them, and bump them, and then they are upset. Like, Fucker!. You are the one in middle of the street watching if your useless social life means something to someone while you are burning my almost non existent free time that I have to waste in commuting! And YOU are the upset one!? FUCKER! (yeah, I get really an ass for that... because I'm all the fucking time bumping people doing this, and I spend more than 5 hours per day commuting and walking fast, trying not to waste MORE time than necessary. So, yeah, I become pretty a Golden asshole ever. But these assholes never use their brains to walk aside, stand in a corner, close to the wall, and THEN watch their phones.... Noooo, that's too much to ask)

33. most visited website: tumblr, facebook, email accounts.

34. hair colour: Dark brown. I want half of my kind-of-mohawk in red or blue... but never got the time to do ALL that work.... nou.

35. long or short hair: kind-of-Mohawk. More like Banehawk :D

36. do you have a crush on someone: No. I think. I never know if I have crushes anyway.

37. what do you like about yourself: My self-discipline. Hell, that's the only thing that kicks me all the time when I'm getting down and down with my depression. I love it. It’s like a military voice in my head, repeating:  “Are you fuckign depressed? No, not on my sight, get up, go ahead, fucking hell, DO your things, there is not time for softie bullshit, you are not going to stay alive if you don’t move your ass, asshole”. 

38. want any piercings: Maybe?. I don't know if I want one in my lip. Really I don't know. They look awesome in others... in me, I don't know.

39. blood type: 0

40. nicknames: Maco, Mako.

41. relationship status: Single and nostalgic for things that I know I will never have again (I know, it sounds dramatic, but it's true)

42. sign: Taurus

43. pronouns: They, them. Or mixing the binaries.

44. fave tv show: Currently, Shadowhunters.

45. tattoos: None. I want one that follows the arms muscles, but I never found a nice design. Something like Zevran has in his face, but over the arms, playing with the form of muscles.

46. right or left handed: right

47: ever had surgery: No. Soon I will have my surgery for my wisdom tooth :(. Fucking tooth.

48. piercings: Both ears. Fucking society.

49. sport: Martial Arts.

50. vacation: it means days without commuting.

51. trainers: ??? Jeff Cavaliere?. I mean, I watch his videos on youtube, not that he is my trainer..... what the fuck?. Or you mean the shoes?. I like trainers/snickers. I also like these kind of military boots.

— more general

52. eating: A lot. And everything too healthy. Among the non-healthy ones, ice-cream.

53. drinking: Water

54. i’m about to watch: Shadowhunters, tomorrow. Lot of Warlock Lore! :D

55. waiting for: Shadowhunters. In long term, to find a place where to belong (probably it will  never happen). In long-long term: to realise I'm immortal, so I can destroy the capitalism with just my immortality and my evil plan. (hey, dreaming is free)

56. want: to stop my disphoria. This year has been, and keeps being a monster set free in my mind.

57. get married: No. Never. What for? For being cheated on?. No, thank you. haha.

58. career: Physicist. I also would like to be a writer.

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: uh.... Both.

60. lips or eyes: Eyes

61. shorter or taller: eh?.

62. older or younger: EH? I like to wear old clothings.

63. nice arms or stomach:  …. this is getting gore.

64. hookup or relationships: Relationships.

65. troublemaker or hesitant: Eh?. I'm not getting this part.... what?. Can anyone explain how I should understand this?. Is this about sex? Because... I don't have a clue what a troublemaker sex would be...... and thinking on it makes me develop the weirdest ideas ever....

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: No.

67. drank hard liquor: No.

68.turned someone down: Yes. 

69. sex on first date: No.

70: broken someone’s heart: How would I know?. But probably no. I mean, my ex told me I broke her heart, but, hey.... you cheated on me, so, I think that doesn't count.

71. had your heart broken: Deeply. Beyond healing.

72. been arrested: No. But police always looks at me as if they want me to arrest.

73. cried when someone died: Of course.

74. fallen for a friend: Yes.

— do you believe in

75. yourself: Yes.

76. miracles: No.

77. love at first sight: No.

78. santa claus: Pft. No!.

79. angels: hahahha. No. Well, I believein Shadowhunter’s angels (hahaha, I’m totally rotten in this fandom by now....)

— misc

80. eye colour: Brown.

81. best friends name: Not writing them. But I can write 3 names.

82. favourite movie: No, it's not Shadowhunters’. That was a disgrace. I have many favourite movies... but if I reduce the list to my fave film in the last year.... I would say Die Welle: The Wave. German film related to fascist behaviour and ideology. Loved it.

83. favourite actor: I'm going to be super obvious here, and considering I have no idea about actors and actress in general, I will keep myself in my current well-known area: Harry Shum Jr.

84. favourite cartoon: Natsume, Or Hosou, Or so many films of Hayao Miyazaki, or Mushishi.... no, man. I can't choose. Anime has so many wonderful gems.

85. favourite teacher’s name: Carmen

Tagging: Any person who follows me, and read this whole thing is invited to do it, and tagging me back so I can read too. :D

[mamin-the-troll]

Tag game

I was tagged by the sweetest person, @natecchi​, thank you love <3

Age: 25

Place of Birth: Bangkok, Thailand

Current Time: 2:30PM

Last Call: Papa

Last Drink I Had: Mocha frappe

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius 

Easiest Person To Talk To: My high school friends. One of them is like my double. We always have the same opinion on things. It’s creepy lol

Grossest Memory: Ummmmm, I don’t recall any ..... 

Favorite Song: How could I choose? It’s too many omg. But right now I keep repeating Bastille’s songs because they help my march through hell of the Thesis. Especially their cover ‘We can’t stop’ 

Horror or No: Idk. I don’t really read/ watch horror but if I have to, I’d be fine with it. I like listen to ghost stories though. Oh, and I love watching horror movie with that best friend. Her opinion while watching is hilarious XDD

Number of Siblings: An older sister and a younger brother! I’m a middle child :D *squished with lot of loves*

In Love: with Percival Graves, Newt Scamander and people’s writing/art of them. << can I just copy Natecchi because true true <3

Killed Someone?: No, not yet >;3c

Jealous of People/Anyone?: Sometimes, I was driven by jealousy. When I was a lot younger I was jealous of my sister because, hell, she was very good at drawing; so I started to draw myself :D Until this very day, I still jealous of some people who could draw really well. I am often like, HOW COULD YOU DRAW SO WELL? but jealousy makes me keep going so I’m okay with it :D

Question You Are Always Asked: “What do you wanna eat?” 

Vacation: The Wizarding World, Universal Japan! I’m planning to go there (maybe next year) with my sister! We’re going to have so much fun geeking about Harry Potter!! I even plan to bring our cloaks, scarves and wands there to take lots of pictures!

Reason to Smile: My thesis is nearly done *smile through tears*

Middle Name: None!

Worst Habit: Procrastinating. Ughhh, I’m the worst. Oh, and I always read messages when I should not and could not answer, then proceed to forget to reply to them later ; w ;;; sorry guys. 

Time I Woke Up: Today? 9.10AM 

Love at First Sight or Walk Past Again?: Both are romantic! As long as with a right person then I’m okay with both!

X-Rays: 2 of my wisdom teeth and lungs (We’re required to have our lungs scanned when we entered university) 

Favorite Food: LOTS. I can’t stop stuffing my face XD

I’m tagging: I think everyone was tagged but if you see this and wanna do it please feel free to do so!