#am i alone in an alternate reality where it is just mindblowingly romantic??

[ben-crytalker]

listen. listen. l i s t e n. listen. listennnn when penelope asks colin to let her help with his cut, and he only gives in when she says please, and he could merely extend his hand but instead places it directly into hers?? and while she bandages him he jumps between studying her face and their touch? she lingers for a fraction of a second but he curls her fingers into his before she can pull back??? they look up at each other and his other hand instinctively reaches for her too but can only just land on nervously playing with the fabric, not quite letting go???? and they're still holding hands until she mentions his writing??!! he's so caught up in her approval it takes him a second to remember how it came about?! what causes him to break away isn't embarrassment over feelings for her. she just unintentionally reminded him that the safety of his fake persona, the armor as violet later calls it, had been stripped away when she read his journal. he distances himself because in that moment he was still convinced the 'new him' was how he needed to be in order to somehow achieve some sense of purpose or belonging, and pen was drawing him back toward his old self, the true self he was desperately trying to cover up. and even despite this he can't help himself but make sure he'll still see her again??? the symbolism of the glass breaking around the candle? him trying to grab the pieces of the casing to build it back up, and being cut by it? penelope being the one to mend the wound it causes??? HELP ME I AM SUFFOCATING HE FELT TOO VULNERABLE AND EXPOSED AND LATER THE FLAME GOES OUT WITH THAT DUMB GLASS BACK AROUND IT LIKE HIS SPIRIT WITHERING IN THE RUSTED ARMOR HOW COULD ANYONE WATCH THIS SEASON AND DO ANYTHING BUT REVEL IN IT ALL