#americans should not at all be smug about how easily other people are whipped up into frenzied bloodlust

[tanadrin]

The You’re Wrong About episode on the Dixie Chicks reminded me of something I was really only half-aware of in 2003; I was in my mid-teens, thought the Iraq War was a bad idea, but for reasons I had a lot of trouble articulating, and I won’t claim that my position was super well thought out or nuanced (though the passage of time did vindicate it). But the level of support for Bush in that era, and the bipartisan support for the war, was truly insanely high; Natalie Maines’ very mild rebuke of Bush, in terms of political discourse nowadays, prompted the entire country to basically go apeshit on her, for the band to temporarily become pariahs, and for some pundits to seriously suggest that criticizing the president on a London stage amounted to actual treason. Given the egregious transgression of international law the Iraq War represented, the transparent deception used to justify it, and the absolute disaster it proved to be for the people of Iraq, it is easy to forget just how rabidly pro-war the whole country was at that time. And this is in a country that is relatively prosperous, has a pretty free press, a two-party system, and had only spent a couple of years being terrorized by propaganda about the People Coming To Get You.

[angstsfordays]

Stay With Me

Summary: You liked Steve. No, you still like Steve. When you finally confessed, he could not give you a definite answer. Your heart broke. But what happens when you came face to face with Steve the very next day, only this time he wasn’t really your Steve….

Pairing: Steve rogers x Enhanced!reader (Y/N)

Warnings: FLUFF. ANGST. MORE FLUFF. AND PERHAPS TEARS. A couple of swear words. Death.

Word count: 8987

Notes: HI EVERYBODY! This is my first Marvel fanfiction! I wrote fanfics before, but I have always been much more of a reader. After a 1.5 year hiatus, I felt compelled to write again. Hope everyone enjoys this piece. I still am trying to establish myself as a rookie writer.

This is AU and doesn’t fall in any of the MCU timeline. Let’s just assume that the world is currently at peace from Thanos and this is just set in an everyday Avengers timeline. A like, reblog or comment will be deeply appreciated :)    

———————————————————————

You woke up with an unnerving feeling in your chest. You wondered why and then you were reminded of the day before. You had confessed to Steve. Yes that Steve, the Steve Rogers. Captain America. Your boss. Your hopeless crush. You joined the Avengers not too long ago. It had been over two years. You were an agent of SHIELD, but more importantly an enhanced individual.

You always had your powers since you were young but hid it to blend in. When you’re 20, you used your powers for the first time to save someone in danger. You ended up on SHIELD’s radar and then recruited into the academy.

You undergone training to become a SHIELD operative under Phil Coulson’s tutelage and was recognised to be an outstanding agent. However, more so often, you were not a stickler for rules and had gone off book several times in operations. 

This placed you on a thin line to getting kicked out of the academy, but you always had the backing of Phil who grown a soft spot. You reminded him of his younger days and also his fellow colleague, Melinda May whom put the interests of saving lives at the forefront in their work.

When the Battle of New York happened, you were broken. Mainly because you lost your mentor and your dearest friend. You were teetering on quitting when Phil died in the line of duty. Director Fury pulled you back, reminding you of Phil’s sacrifice and how Phil thought the world of you, feeling that you had much potential to unfold. You continued working under Director Fury’s orders, working on special missions.

When SHIELD was taken down by HYDRA from the inside, you didn’t know who to trust. All you knew was that Director Fury had seemingly been assassinated. You wanted to find out what happened, but plans deviated when you realised you were on HYDRA’s radar. Your powers were of great interest to them and you were wanted. You had to abandon the place you felt like home and went into hiding.

A couple of years later, you resurfaced. You found yourself facing the Avengers while they were on a mission. No you were fighting not against them, instead you stumbled upon them while you were on the run. That’s when you saw Steve Rogers for the first time. It didn’t feel like the first time though.

Perhaps it was because you heard so much about him from Phil that you felt you already knew him. A smile formed on your face when you recalled Phil’s rambling of his love for the war hero. It was one of those moments when you saw him as the real Phil, and not just Agent Coulson- your supervising officer.

A HYDRA agent was going to aim for Steve from a hidden spot and you almost flew in to intervene. You knocked out the agent with your gloved fists engulfed in high density energy. You remembered staring into the sparkling blue eyes of Steve Rogers for the first time. His eyes widened at the sight of you- wondering who you were and what were you doing.

You heard backup coming and the two of you fought off a couple more HYDRA agents together. It was as if you had been working together your whole life, the two of you fought in sync. You covered for him and he did so for you. There was an unspoken synergy that happened between you two. When the last HDYRA agent went down, you two finally looked at each other once more. Panting and out of breath, you hunched over trying to catch your breath.

You heard his footsteps coming closer, as if to check on you. You looked up at him, and he took his helmet off. His crop but luscious blonde locks fell over.

“Hey, are you alright-” You heard his voice for the first time. It was not really; you had seen him before and heard him before. You remembered the video clips that were played in classes at the academy. SHIELD was founded on the legacy of Captain America afterall. But this was different. You heart started to beat wildly, knowing that he was speaking to you.

“Steve, are you alright?” Another voice appeared. It was familiar. You two both spun your heads in the same direction to see a scarlet head emerging in your sight. Natasha Romanoff. You had seen her before back at SHIELD. Phil had worked together with her and Agent Barton several times. You were introduced once to them before as his mentee.

“Who’s that with you?” She spoke once more. You started to panic, what was this situation with you, Captain America and Black Widow? You were supposed to be in hiding from the HYDRA operatives that came to capture you. Should you seek refuge with the Avengers? Would they keep you safe? You were not a hundred percent sure. You felt that you were still safest alone. 

That’s why you decided to take flight. Literally. Because with your powers, you managed to push yourself off the ground and into the air, landing far away from where the two avenger members were.

The next time you saw Steve was in your apartment. You came home to see him standing in your kitchen. You dropped your bag of groceries and let out a scream that would have your neighbours appalled. Your powers came out almost immediately in defense and Steve had to duck when a shot of energy aimed at the kitchen cabinet behind him.

He raised both his hands in defense and assured he meant no harm. He explained that Natasha had helped him to track you down. He understood your situation and offered you a place in the Avengers compound. No more hiding and no more fear of surviving.

All previous resistance thrown out of the window, the sincerity in his eyes and voice won you over almost immediately. You knew not to trust people easily, that much Phil has taught you but how could you not when it was Steve Rogers.

So you then found yourself becoming a part of the Avengers. You blended into the group seamlessly, like you were an old-time friend. You had gotten closer to Natasha who was once an intimidating senior agent in your eyes. You became fast friends with Wanda whom you bonded over the love of food. More so of her cooking and you being the taste tester.

Sam and Bucky welcomed you into their group especially when you find yourself the buffer between their bickering. You always went along with Tony Stark’s antics and he saw you as a little sister. Bruce and you have a polite relationship, not having much in common but you still got along with him in the group. 

Vision and you have a pretty interesting relationship, you found yourself as a life sensei to him whenever he was curious about the human way of life. You only met Thor a few times but you two had a friendly relationship whenever he visited Earth. He felt like another older brother to you.

Now. Where does that leave Steve Rogers? The man who brought you into this new life. You regarded him as your leader, captain and comrade. You wanted to impress him especially since he offered you a new chance in life. You always made sure you did your best during missions so as not to disappoint him. You wanted to be in his good books. You wanted him to like you as a teammate and maybe more? 

You didn’t know when you started to have feelings for the American hero, but you believed it was gradual.

When you saw him in the morning eating disgusting plain oats, you offered to whip up some fluffy blueberry pancakes (which you learnt how to from Wanda). When you see his brows knitted to get his Netflix account created, you chuckled and decided to help the poor guy out. When he found in himself from unwanted attention at Tony’s gatherings, you slid in smoothly between him and the other party, coming up with smooth lies to help him out of an awkward bind.

You didn’t know why you wanted to do all of those things. Were you being nice? Or perhaps you wanted to be nice to him? He was on your mind most of the time. How can I make a good impression? How can I get closer to him? Your mind was always boggling with such thoughts.

Whenever he was in the room, your eyes always wandered off to him. You tried to subtly get closer to him- sitting beside him during movie nights, sitting across him during meetings. It was those little things that made you feel like you could signal your presence to him. You wanted him to notice you just as much you did for him. Of course, these things did not go unnoticed. Unfortunately, not by said man himself but everyone else in your inner circle.

Natasha caught your longing look at Steve one movie night, and she smirked to herself. She nudged your hips the next morning in the kitchen when Steve walked into the room. She gave you an all-knowing smile and your eyes widened in horror. How? You mouthed the word to her, and she just shrugged while looking all smug.

Wanda was the next one to know you both baked together for Valentine’s Day. You two were baking for everyone in the team. You decided to make a special cookie, she noted. One in the shape of a heart and with familiar colours of red, white and blue icing. Steve, Bucky and Sam were walking in from their workout in the gym when they smelt the scent of freshly baked goods.

Sam’s hands were reaching out for your special cookie when you turned your back to wash your hands in the sink. You let out a shrill scream of horror when you saw Sam picking it up and bringing it closer to his lips.

“STOP RIGHT THERE!” The three soldiers almost jumped back at your voice and Sam raised his other hand in surrender. You took your cookie out of his hands and dusted it off as if his touch sullied the baked biscuit.

“This is not yours, Sam. You can have those.” You pointed over to the other batch of cookies. They were all smaller in sizes, in the regular circular shape with generic red and pink icing drawn in heart shapes on the surface.

“What? Then the heck it that cookie for?” Sam retorted, almost offended.

You grinned sheepishly when you directed your eyes at a certain blonde soldier. Your previous bravado shaken as you tried to find your voice to speak. You swore your hands were trembling and you tried hard to not break the palm sized heart shaped cookie in your hands.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Steve. I uh made this for you.” Yes. You got the words out. The expressions on the faces of the other three people in the room would have been hilarious but they were not in your sight. You only had eyes for one person.

“What? How come he gets a special cookie from the rest of us? Now that’s just discrimination.” Sam quipped. Bucky shook his head like he could not believe how dumb Sam could even be. Wanda had to bite her lips back, when she realised what was going on all along. Oh my dear Y/N…she thought.

“Would you accept my it?” You added nervously when you noticed Steve did not give a response.

“Uh, thank you Y/N. That’s really nice of you.” Steve answered as politely as he usually did and took the cookie from your hands. When Steve just stopped at that response, Bucky looked like he was going to die from the stupidity of the men in the room except for him. Bucky also knew there and then what was happening. He could not believe his best friend was so oblivious.

“Hey, that’s unfair. I want one.” Sam whined almost like a child. Bucky face palmed himself and grunted.

You were a little disappointed at Steve’s response, nice of you? Urgh, you secretly wished he had more to say. Did you put him on a spot in front of his friends? How stupid could you have gotten?

“Fine fine, geez I will make a falcon-themed one for you, You big baby.” You huffed in annoyance, but also to mainly mask your disappointment. You quickly grabbed a piping bag. “Would you like one too, Bucky?” You mustered a smile on your face to make it seem like you were not affected by Steve’s response at all. Bucky gave you a look like he knew- he knew what’s up and he gave you a sorry look.

“Sure doll, I would love one.” Bucky said in hopes of making you feel better. You felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to see Wanda to give you a comforting smile. You fought to hold back the tears welling up in your eyes.

But that was not your actual confession to Steve.———————————————————————

That time came during an Avenger’s game night. The team was playing truth and dare Jenga. It was your turn and you hoped you gotten something that would not be too difficult to do.

“Tell the person across you something that you always wanted to say to them.”

You looked up immediately and were met with cerulean blue eyes. Your breath hitched when you realised who it was.

You cursed in your head and perhaps even muttered it under your breath. You felt the eyes of the rest of your teammates intently on you. After a minute, Tony started to get impatient.

“Come on kid, what do you want to say to Capsicle? There should be plenty right? If not drink up.” Oh boy, if only Tony knew. You looked nervously elsewhere and locked eyes with Natasha beside you. Your eyes then fleet towards Wanda who looked concerned and then to Bucky who almost looked nervous for you. Your legs were getting jumpy and then your hands lunged forward to grab the bottle of whiskey in front of you.

A series of ‘Nos’ came up, but you couldn’t hear them clearly as you drowned down the liquid. It tasted like fire down your throat and it almost burned. You stumbled backwards as you tried to recover your footing.

“Really, Y/N? You rather drink up than say something to Cap?” Tony jested. “By the way, you just drank Thor’s special Asgardian liquor by mistake.”

“What?” You let out a loud exclamation and you turned the bottle to see a flask bottle that you recognised to have been Thor’s.

“Oh boy.” A sudden wave of adrenaline surged through you and you had to close your eyes to gain your bearings once more. You opened your eyes to meet Steve’s eyes once more. You did not know what was happening next. The words left your mouth before you could even formulate it in your head.

“I LIKE YOU SO MUCH!” What was going on? You didn’t mean to say this out loud?! Why were you even saying it? You already drank to pass saying the truth. Why couldn’t you control yourself?

“I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU, STEVE ROGERS.” You declared your love once more and you were shocked by your boldness. Everyone else was reeling in their seats as they looked at the situation unfolding in front of them. Tony Stark could be seen muffling his laughter at Y/N’s antic while a blonde soldier, who was at the end of the confession remained stiff in expression.

“CAN’T YOU HEAR MY HEART?” Your speech was slurred as you brought your hand to clutch the side of your shirt where your heart was.

“You have super hearing, right? Can’t you hear my heart beating like crazy? Whenever I’m around you, I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest because I like you much!” Your mouth continued to blabber, but your mind was reeling. Control yourself Y/N! You willed yourself but you couldn’t. Stupid Asgardian alcohol.

“I can’t hide it anymore. I need to let you know! I need to let the whole word know!” You flailed your hands out in motion. “Do you know how much it hurts to like you and not letting you know? I need to get this off my chest. Right here and right now!” You put a foot up on the table and stretched your hand out to point at Steve Rogers.

“Steve Rogers! Do you want to go out with me?” You asked boldly, not caring a hoot about everyone in the room. Your mind was chastising you for being foolish, but your heart felt fulfilled from doing what it always wanted to do.

There were gasps from people in the room. A series of ‘oh my god’ and suppressed laughter from others. Sam’s jaw looked like it was going to drop to the floor. Tony at this moment couldn’t hold back himself and howled. He needed to take a swig of booze to continue watching this. Bucky looked over to his best pal who looked like he didn’t want to be anywhere else but here.

Both Natasha and Wanda had worried expressions. They were glad you were able to confess but they also knew this was not the way you would want it to go. Vision and Bruce looked like they couldn’t believe what was happening in front of their eyes.

Steve Rogers was at a loss. The last thing he expected was a confession from you. Steve was not sure how to respond. He liked you alright, but he wasn’t sure if he liked you as much as you to him. He always seen you as a friend and teammate.

He remembered how shy you were when first joined. You were wary of everything, and it was normal. He read up on your profile. He was surprised to learn you were under Agent Phil Coulson’s personal tutelage. He knew the man and thought highly of him. Natasha gave in her input, remembering you were a spunky and enthusiastic rookie agent who always seemed to put in her best efforts.

When he realised you had been on the run from HYDRA because of your powers, he knew he had to step in. It was only the right thing to do. When he first saw you, he was taken aback at the girl who covered for him. You didn’t have to. If you did, you exposed yourself to the risk of your location to HYDRA. And when the two of you fought hand in hand, he felt a weird sense of camaraderie he did not expect to find in someone he met for the first time.

He remembered when you accepted his offer, he offered his hand but instead you pulled in for a hug. He was taken aback but gave in when he felt you shaking in his arms. You let out muffled cries and Steve could feel your sense of relief that you didn’t need to hide anymore. You were safe and he would keep you safe.

You opened up to the rest of the team almost instantly, your easy-going nature made everyone comfortable about you. You had an effortless way of getting along with people and you soon became an indispensable part of the team. 

However, Steve started to notice while you were getting closer with everyone, he could feel like you were keeping a distance from him. While you were still friendly with him, he could not help but to feel that you showed hesitance around him.

Sure enough, you always did nice things for him, but Steve could not help but feel you were always guarded around him. You were unafraid to be silly and goofy around the rest of the team, but he could sense you always wanted to present a good image whenever he’s around.

When you were not looking, he could see you making faces to Sam across the room when meetings get boring and draggy. It was one late night, both you and Bucky could not sleep, and you offered to help Bucky with his nightmares when Steve happened to pass by the common kitchen.

The look of excitement when you brought out an entire tea set and assortment of tea selection laid on the table. “You should give up on coffee from now on. Tea is the way to go!” You said in a matter of fact tone. You went on to talk about the benefits of tea and how they helped you especially in the line of work you were all involved in.

You went on to brew actual tea leaves for Bucky, claiming it was even better than putting a sachet in a cup of hot water. Steve couldn’t help but smile at the lengths you went for Bucky. It was nice to see Bucky having another friend aside from himself and occasionally Sam.

Steve didn’t know how long he was staring but he was snapped out of it when Bucky called him out from where he was hiding behind the wall. When your head snapped to see Steve, your carefree smile dropped and became one that was more reserved.

“Uh, hey Steve.” You greeted him. “Tea?” You asked him as you held up the pot. Sure why not, Steve thought.

The three of you began to have a heart to heart late night talk. Your enthusiasm from earlier mellowed but you still talked easily with Bucky and him. Steve noticed your eyes were always looking towards Bucky. Did you like him? Steve saw you throwing glances every now and then, but you kept your eyes on Bucky, as if wanting to avoid having to look at him. You laughed easily at Bucky’s sardonic humour and even rested your head on his arm a couple of times in affection.

You had to like Bucky right? Steve never seen you so close to another guy in the team, except for Tony and Sam whom he knew you had sibling like relationships with. Steve knew it, Bucky always got the girl. 

Even back in the 30s’. Bucky had an effortless charm about him, and even after all he had gone through, he never lost his appeal. Steve knew about the glances that some of the female staff in the compound had whenever Bucky stepped into the room.

Steve suddenly felt like the scrawny kid back in Brooklyn. The one who always gotten put aside. The one who was always forgotten. Even after the serum, Steve felt like this from time to time. Steve did know he had gotten more attractive with his increased height and bigger build, but he couldn’t help to wonder if that was all he had.

He was aware of the looks he received by female staff too in the Avengers compound, but he was also aware that they were attracted to Captain America and not Steve Rogers.

Steve felt like you weren’t like the rest. Sure, you did nice things for him and smiled at him everytime you two met, but Steve felt like you were genuine. Yes, they were more muted than what you did for the rest of the team, but he did felt you were not just fawning over him. You were just nice like that.

He did secretly hoped you could be less guarded around him though. Was he intimidating? Was he not approachable? Steve thought long and hard about this once in a while.

Back to the confession, Steve could not believe what he was hearing. You liked him all this while? It wasn’t Bucky? But how? But why? He thought you liked Bucky for sure! And here you are, declaring your crush for him in front of everyone like it was nothing. Yes, you did drink Thor’s special mead but it was a complete flip of how you usually were around him.

What was he supposed to say? You were drunk. Steve didn’t even know if you were even thinking straight. But your eyes. Your eyes were boring straight to his and he realised this was the longest that you have looked him in the eyes without shying away.

“Come on, Rogers. Don’t leave a girl hanging. Give her an answer.” Tony egged on, the only one amused in this entire situation.

“I-uh…” Steve looked to his best pal and Bucky could only returned a look that said ‘It’s all up to you, punk’.

“Y/N, you are drunk. You should return to your room.” Steve instantly regretted his words when he saw the sullen look on your face. You looked like you were crushed, and he felt horrible.

“I’m not drunk!” You retorted almost defiantly. “I’m wide awake. I’m woke.” You claimed.

“Do you not like me? Am I that unlikable?” You added on in a whimpering tone. You turned to your side and grabbed Bucky by the collar.

“Why? Why does he not like me?” You cried almost like a child who didn’t get she wanted. Bucky decided to intervene and hoist you over his shoulders. “Okay time for you to be in bed.”

“Put me down Bucky! I am perfectly capable of walking. I don’t want my face to meet your ass!” You fought back as you started throwing fists at Bucky’s backside to get him to let you down. You didn’t remember the events of that night after Bucky dropped you on your bed. You did have an inkling memory of Wanda and Natasha helping you get ready for bed.

———————————————————————

Shit, you thought. Every memory came back rushing back to you and you squished your face to the pillow. You didn’t want to face the music. You didn’t even want to step out of your room to face the consequences of your drunkenness. What have you done? Every last possibility of your relationship with Steve had been tossed out the window.

Should you quit? Pack up and run away? You didn’t think you could ever stand to be around him anymore. Your mind then wandered to the pounding headache from the hangover you acquired. You turned your face to the side to see a glass of water and two aspirin pills. You wandered who left them there. Must be either Wanda or Nat.

You took the pills and down them with the glass of water. You sat up to get your bearings and let out a sigh. Woah, you stunk of alcohol. A bath sounded nice at this moment. You dragged yourself with every ounce of energy left in your body and struggled to fill the tub with warm water. You didn’t know how you managed but you went over to your cabinet to grab some relaxing essential oils to be added into your bath.

Yes that bath was helpful indeed. After you rinsed off, you changed into a long-sleeved cropped Henley and loose sweats. You were drying your hair as you mulled over what happened last night.

What were you supposed to do? You could feel the hunger growling in your stomach. You asked Friday for the time and it was well over 2pm. You then asked for the locations of everyone in the team. If you wanted to avoid social interactions, you needed to come up with a plan. Bucky and Sam were training new recruits. Nat, Wanda and Vision were out while Tony ad Bruce were in the lab. Steve was in his office.

That sounded good, you could sneak into the kitchen, make a sandwich or something and get the hell out in 10 minutes tops. As quickly as you could, you made sure to make a sound even while sprinting to the kitchen. When you assessed that the coast was clear, you quickly opened the fridge and cabinets to take out what you want.

You messily put a sandwich together and even grabbed an instant ramen bowl. You placed everything on a tray and quickly returned to your room. You wolfed down on the sustenance as if you didn’t eat for days. The soup from the ramen cured was a warm welcome for your stomach. You placed your tray aside and lay on your bed. What next?

You walked over to the toilet to relieve yourself once more when you suddenly felt the ground shaking. You shot up in surprise and quickly cleaned up.

“Friday, what happened?” You asked worriedly.

“There has been an explosion down in lab beside the garage.” Friday answered immediately.

“Are Tony and Bruce okay?” You asked after the Science bros.

“Yes, their vitals show no danger. However, Captain Rogers was also present when the explosion occurred.” Steve was there too?

“I cannot detect his-” Friday spoke once more, but you didn’t hear the end of it as your door flew open and you raced down to the lab.

Tony and Bruce came into view as they stood around the weird panels in the lab. There was a faint smoke in the air.

“Woah what happened?” You could hear Sam’s voice behind you, and you turned to see Bucky present too. The three of you walked over to the scene hurriedly to examine what happened.

“Where’s Steve? I heard he was also-” Your sentence was interrupted by a coughing. The voice sounded familiar, but something was different. The smoke cleared to reveal….

“Yo Steve, what happened?!” Sam exclaimed at the sight standing in front of him. All eyes turned to see Steve Rogers only much much older in physical appearance. It would match with his actual age but you couldn’t believe your eyes.

The Steve in front of you looked shocked at the sight of everyone. He also had a look of longing like he had not seen everyone in a long time.

“Shit, we made Cap old!” Tony gasped aloud.

“Steve, you there?” Bucky stepped forward to place his hands on the shoulder of his old friend. Your attention was brought to the height difference. Steve was no longer the same height range as Bucky. He in fact, looked smaller. His grey hair was combed neatly and you could see the wrinkles adorned on his face. His blue eyes were still sparkling, you thought. Steve was dressed warmly in several layers on top and he turned his head slowly to take in his surroundings.

His eyes landed on you and started to panic. Last night’s events came rushing back to you and you then realised you didn’t want to face him. You turned your heels to leave immediately but you were stopped in your tracks.

“Wait, Y/N. Please don’t go.” The voice that came out of him sounded so frail that to didn’t had the heart to continue walking.

Your body turned back to face future Steve and he was slowly making his way to you. As you got closer, you realised the two of you were almost of the same height. Future Steve went in for a hug without any other words. Though he was much smaller, his hug was still firm. Your eyes widened at his actions and you awkwardly returned it with your arms wrapped under his arms.

“It’s so good to see you again. I missed you so much.” Future Steve muttered as he leaned his face into the crook of your neck. His voice shook almost like he was holding back tears.

“Again? What do you mean again?” Bruce took the words right out of your mouth. Steve reluctantly let go of you and turned to face the rest of the people in the room.

“What year is this?” Future Steve asked. Bruce gave the answer to which future Steve let out a short laugh.

“That long, huh. 50 years I see.” He spoke once more.

“50 years? Wait a minute, are you from the future?” Sam asked incredulously. Future Steve didn’t gave an answer but the silence that followed confirmed our suspicions.

“So if Cap here is from 50 years into the future, where does leave the Cap in our timeline?” Tony inquired. Old Steve gave a shrug.

“You always make the impossible seem possible, Tony.”

“Perhaps, they switched places.” Bruce deduced. He then went on rambling how Tony and himself were experimenting with the idea of time travel and different universe. The original Steve was walking in to talk to Tony when the blast had happened and he got caught in it, which all led to the current situation.

“Can we get him back?” Bucky spoke up, looking over to long-time friend.

“We can try but we will need time to work out the mechanics and see when we have gone wrong. We cannot guarantee how long it would take.” Bruce answered.

“Friday, you got all of this on tape right? I cannot wait to show out Cap this footage when he gets back.” Tony jested and you turned to him with an annoyed expression.

“This is serious Tony. You better fix this!”

“Geez kid, cut me some slack.” He rolled his eyes. “So what are we going to do with this Cap?” He pointed over to the future Steve standing beside me.

“We can take him back to the common room, let him get comfortable while you fix your machine. Best to not let anyone else know about this outside of our circle.” Bucky remarked before gesturing for Steve to follow him. Sam was still reeling in surprise as he assessed future Steve.

You stood rooted to the ground, unsure what to do. Should you follow Sam and Bucky with future Steve? You were still haunted by what happened last night. Well this Steve didn’t know what happened, but you couldn’t help but to feel embarrassed still.

“Y/N, are you coming?” Bucky offered you to join. You were about to reject his offer, make up an excuse to go back to your room when someone grabbed hold of your hand.

You looked to see future Steve holding your hand gently with his wrinkled hands. You could feel the blood rushing to your cheeks and ears. He was gazing into your eyes with a shy smile.

“Walk with me?” He asked and you swore you wanted to melt into a puddle.

“Me?” You were sure you looked confused at the transition of what was happening. Future Steve chuckled and continued walking on, pulling you with him. Bucky who witnessed this smiled to himself and Sam continued to look baffled at everything.

His hand felt warm and soft, you thought. Unconsciously, your other hand went to hold his arm. You were shy to meet future Steve’s gaze especially since you were now the same height as him. It was much more intense than looking at him now. 

All of you walked silently to the common room. Everyone sat around the dining table, you offered to make coffee but future Steve held onto your hand as you stood up to walk over to the pantry.

“I would like some tea, if you don’t mind. The one with actual leaves and not just the tea bag.” His face crinkled as he smiled at you.

“Uh sure- you two want some coffee?” You turned to the other two soldiers. The two went along with Steve’s request for tea and you went to find the tea set stored in the cabinet.

You placed the tea set in the centre of the table. It was a clay tea set that was gifted to you by your Bucky as your Secret Santa last Christmas. Nat and Wanda gave their input on the design. 

You got the boiled water ready to rinse the teapot and cups. Following this you started to brew the tea as you added the tea leaves into the pot and added the hot water. You rinsed the first batch of brewed tea once before making the second batch that was prepared for drinking.

You were honestly nervous even though you done this hundreds of times. Somehow having future Steve watching over you made you wary of your movements. There was a good few minutes of silence before you poured the tea into the small teacups and offering it to everyone. Future Steve appreciated the teacup in his hands before blowing on it and taking a sip.

“Y/N, it always tastes the best when you made it.” Future Steve turned to me again with a sweet smile. Shit, Steve was still adorable even beyond his years. Calm down your heart, Y/N!

“So Cap, what’s life like 50 years down the road?” Sam decided to break the ice. Future Steve laughed at his bluntness before answering. It felt like nothing changed. Even while this Steve has aged, the three soldiers fell back into easy conversation.

Sam was curious about himself and tried to pry information out of future Steve. Future Steve warned that knowing the future may not be a good idea. He did throw in several teasing remarks that Sam and Bucky will continue to argue in their old age in front of their grandchildren.

Bucky was surprised that he would even have his own family in the future. He was about to ask Steve about his own when Bucky’s eyes wandered to Steve’s left hand, a silver band resting on one of his fingers.

“Guess we’re not the only ones who had our own families.” Bucky remarked smugly as he nodded his head to future Steve’s wedding band. Future Steve thumbed over his wedding band before sneaking a glance over to you.

“Well, uh-yes I did. But-” The idea of Steve married was not impossible, I mean after all he was such a great catch. You were pretty sure Steve finally gotten a nice girl to settle down with. The gnawing feeling in your chest returned. Damn, this hurts more than you thought. You just wished Steve had a happy and fulfilling life.

You stood up abruptly from your seat, almost seething with jealousy. You couldn’t help it. The feelings from yesterday were still raw and you couldn’t handle the truth if future Steve were to talk about his happy married life.

Your abrupt action caused the chair to screech as it was pushed back. You felt the eyes of all three soldiers on you and you hasten to collect the tea set to mask your reaction. You hurriedly walked over to the sink to wash your tea set, leaving it to air dry.

“I’m going off for a walk. See you boys later.” You quickly waved off before you transitioned to a brisk walk to the elevator. When you exit one of the doors of the compound, you headed straight for the clearing near the lake. It was your secret spot that you had claimed as your own. You always came here when your mind and heart were heavy.

You had a bench secretly installed so that you could sit there and gaze into the sunset on occasions. You remembered ordering it on Tony’s card and had to bring it out to the clearing when everyone was still asleep in the early morning, You laughed silently at your own antics.

You laid on your side on the bench, propping your head up with your arms and you dazed off into the lake in front of you. You didn’t know how long you were lying down but you wished you had brought your phone and earpiece to pass the time.

“I guess even the serum cannot help me at this age. Way to make an old man come after you, Y/N.” Your ears perked up at his voice and in a moment of surprise, rolled forward and off the bench.

“What the fu-” You exclaimed when your body hit the ground.

“Language. Although, many reminders wouldn’t have stopped you anyway.” You couldn’t believe who had followed you to your secret spot. Moreover, how did he know? Even Friday didn’t know! Or did she?

“Steve? What are you doing here?” You asked in a panic as you gathered yourself, brushing the dirt off your knees and elbows.

“Are you alright? That was not a pretty fall.” Future Steve now stood in front of you, his eyes were worried and concerned. His hands reached out to examine the extent of your injuries and was relieved to know that they were nothing major.

“How did you know I will be here? Nobody knows about this spot except for me.” You said.

“Well doll, you were not that subtle moving the bench across the hallway at 5am. Besides, I was already awake at that time” He spoke in a fond tone as he recalled the memory. “Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to follow the girl who was carrying a bench larger than herself.”

You cringed at the exposure of your secret and grimaced at how foolish you must have been in Steve’s eyes.

“I won’t blame you for keeping this place a secret. It is beautiful.” Future Steve spoke with a lingering gaze towards the lake and the surrounding flora. He then gestured for you to sit beside him and you reluctantly did, unsure of what to do either. You made sure that there was a gap between the two of you. You looked anywhere else except for him and didn’t what to say in the following silence.

“What would it take for you to look at me? Am I that unlikeable in your eyes?” Future Steve first broke the silence.

“No, I would never!” You immediately countered. You were shocked at how loud you were and reminded yourself to calm the f down. “I mean who would not like you?!” You gestured dramatically as your hands moved up and down at him. Steve inched closer to you and placed his hands over yours where were resting on your lap.

“I am glad to hear that, Y/N.” You looked into his eyes and had to avert them immediately before you feel like your heart would explode. You looked down to see his wedding band in your lap and you were reminded once more of what made you came out to the lake in the first place.

“Hopefully, Tony and Bruce can come up with a way to get you back to your time. I’m sure you’re missing your family.” You said to future Steve to which he shook his head.

“Not really actually. It’s nice to see all of you young again, reminds me of the good times where we were all together. I lost some people in my time and am glad to see them once again.”

“Oh, did we not all live to an old age like you?” Future Steve’s jaw clenched at your remark and you immediately realised you hit a nerve. “I’m so sorry-” You started apologising before future Steve waved you off, reassuring that it was fine. You could feel the grip of his hands tightened around yours.

“You must have been shocked to see me like this.” Future Steve looked over at himself.

“Shock would not have been the word, surprised was more accurate.” I corrected him.

“Still, you couldn’t have believed that the big and strong Captain America actually looked like this in his old age, right? The serum’s effects waned as I got older in age. I still am strong for someone my age, but my physique reverted back to my pre-serum days.” Future Steve said despondently.

“Hey, don’t say! Who cares about Captain America?” You retorted at his words. “All I see is adorable grandpa Steve Rogers. You’re way cuter like this!” You even emphasized your point when you grabbed his arm and laid your head on his shoulders. If it was the current Steve, you wouldn’t have dared to do any of this. But this Steve right here surprisingly made you feel comfortable around him.

You were still nervous knowing that he was still Steve, but somehow future Steve looked less intimidating.

“You’re still the same as ever. I missed you so much.” Future Steve brought your hands up to lips for a kiss. Now this shocked you as you couldn’t help but feel that this gesture meant more. You quickly withdrew your hands and saw the crestfallen look on his face.

“Look, Steve. I really appreciate you, but I don’t think this is appropriate.” The expression on his face told you he was hurt by your words. “You’re married, Steve.” You pointed to his wedding band.

Future Steve looked down to his wedding band and then his eyes went back to you. A ghost of a smile formed on his face and he shook his head. “I’m sorry if I came off weird. It’s just been such a long time since I saw you- I mean the younger version of you. My emotions took over, I apologise.”

“No-no don’t be sorry. I understand, sort of.” You rubbed the back of your ned in awkwardness. After a while, the two of you decided to head back to the compound. Future Steve offered you his arm and you took it as the both of you enjoyed the walk back in comfortable silence.

“Hey old man, Bruce and I might have figured it out. I think we can send you back.” You and future Steve looked at each other, both sending unwilling looks as if your time together was too short.

“I guess this is goodbye.” You said in a disappointed tone.

“It’s alright, love. I promise we will see each other again.” Future Steve cradled your face with one of his hands. You wondered what he meant, and did he just called you love?!

Future Steve went over to say goodbye to Bucky and Sam, giving each other hugs and claps on the back. Future Steve gave a small salute to Tony and Bruce to which they returned with a nod. He walked over to a raised platform and shifted in his feet to get comfortable. He looked over you once more.

You didn’t know why but you started to have tears forming in your eyes. You hesitantly raise your hands to give a weak wave. Future Steve smiled fondly and returned the gesture. He started to mouth words in your direction but before you could figure out what you wanted to say, a blinding light took over.

You shield your eyes from the light and turned sideways as you felt a rush of smoke and wind. You blinked your eyes repeatedly as you take in the sight before you. Gone was future Steve and…..

“Welcome back Cap!” Sam exclaimed excitedly at seeing his friend again.

“Quick question, Rogers. Where were you?” Tony chimed in as he walked over to Steve. “We met an older version of you 50 years down the road.” Tony replied and he waved up a screen to show a photo of future Steve in the garage with everyone.

“Oh I was somewhere, but it didn’t look like it was far off from this era. Everything looked the same. I wasn’t sure where I was until I saw a date somewhere.” Steve seemed like he was trying to phrase his response carefully and he looked back at Tony.

His eyes then swerved over to where Bucky, Sam and you were standing. He started striding forward and you were sure he was going over to Bucky and Sam. Your feet decided to shuffle backwards once you recalled what happened between you and this version of Steve just yesterday. You made to turn back when you felt yourself being pulled back into an embrace.

You were pushed against a solid mass of muscle; you didn’t need to look up because you knew who it was. Steve wrapped his arms tightly around you, seeming to not let you go anytime soon.

“Stefve-” Your voice was muffled against his shirt. You weren’t sure where to place your hands and you were sure it could have felt your heart being wildly against his own chest. Steve placed his head in the crook of your neck and took in a deep breath before sighing. Talk about déjà vu.

You looked over to see the rest of the guys in the garage staring on with bambi eyes. You gestured a wave towards Bucky, signalling for help. You weren’t ready for this Steve at all!

“What’s with the Capsicles hugging Y/N today?” Tony quipped from the side.

You didn’t know how long it was but knew it was long enough for a hug to turn awkward. You tried to place your hands between Steve and yourself to create distance.

“Steve, what’s wrong?” Your voice came out squeaky as you willed yourself to look into his eyes. You were surprised to see Steve’s eyes looking red and puffy as if he had been previously crying.

“Stay with me, Y/N. Just a little while longer.” He answered and how could you say no. You obliged and eventually wrapped your arms around him, returning his hug. The rest of the guys were befuddled at what was going on but decided to let the two of you have your moment.

You could hear Sam making a comment as he walked off. “Geez what a weird day and I haven’t even had a drink yet.” Bucky scoffed and proceeded to smack his head before walking forward. 

Your eyes followed him and when he caught your stare, he winked before walking off. Your brows knitted at his previous actions but then you realised you had something more important to attend to. You still had a blonde super soldier clinging on to you like a koala.

“Alright, Steve. That’s enough of a hug. This is getting weird.” Upon your words, Steve finally released you but still held onto your arms.

“About yesterday, Y/N, I-” Steve started speaking and our eyes widened in anticipation of his following words. You don’t think you could bear to hear it. You cupped your ears and immediately ran off, making gibberish noise to tune him out.

“Wait, Y/N! Please listen to what I have to say!” Steve started chasing after you. He chased after you for a good several minutes out to the compound grounds. He knew where you were heading, you didn’t know why your feet decided to bring you there but you guessed that if any form of rejection is happening, you want it away from the eyes from anyone in the compound.

“Y/N Y/L/N! Stop it right there!” You halted in your tracks.

You turned back to see Steve Rogers with both hands on his hips. You felt like child being reprimanded by a parent. “Way to make an old man chase after you, Y/N Y/L/N.”

“You’re not that old.” You quipped back at his words.

“I’m well over 100, doll.” Steve reminded you as he laughed.

“You don’t need to run away from me, Y/N. What I’m about to say, well I-” Steve started stuttering and you could see him slightly nervous.

“What is it?” You tried to encourage him. Steve’s eyes started to turn red and he was looking at the ground.

“I like you too. I really like you Y/N.” Steve finally mustered the courage to let the words out of his mouth.

“Be my girl, please? I promise to love you and protect you always.” He added on. You felt your jaw dropped at what you were hearing. No way! Did Steve return your feelings? But how? But why?

“But yesterday, the party, you didn’t, I was drunk-” Your sentences weren’t making sense, but Steve knew what you meant.

“I know and I was honestly taken aback by your confession, doll. But I did some thinking and I realised that I feel the same too. I never realised how much I did until I lost you doll.” Steve’s long legs brought him closer to and he cradled your face with both his hands.

“You didn’t lose me, what are you talking about?” His words were puzzling, what did he meant by lose? How could it even be possible? You were right here all this time.

“I just- I don’t want to let you go ever. Please stay by my side.” Steve’s words only served to confuse you further, but you couldn’t bother to think about it in greater depth. You wanted Steve and he wanted you too. You nodded. “Always.”

Steve grinned a toothy wide smile before leaning in for a kiss. You two poured all your emotions into the kiss and it made your hearts soar. When you both finally pulled apart for a breather, Steve spoke. “I can’t wait for our future together.”

———————————————————————

50 years into the future

Steve landed on a grassy patch from the combustion of Tony and Bruce’s machine. He looked over to assess his surroundings and realised that he was not in the compounds anymore.

Steve then realised he was at a cemetery and there was a bouquet of flowers that laid on the ground beside his feet. He picked up the bouquet with lavender wrapping paper and turned to examine it further.

He then looked down again, this time to a gravestone standing just a few feet away from him.

Y/N ROGERS

A DEAR WIFE.

A LOYAL FRIEND.

A FIERCE FIGHTER

1988- 2030

The words Steve read before him hit him harder than a train wreck. How could this be possible? 2030? This means that Y/N only lived till a young age of 42. That was earlier than expected. Why was his heart aching in pain?

The tears started streaming down his face before he could even comprehend them. Steve dropped to his knees in front of the gravestone and hunched over with the bouquet gripped tightly in his hands.

“Y/N…” He whispered. “I swear I will change this future.”

———————————————————————

[theliterateape]

The Primary Reason I Didn’t Vote in the Illinois Primary

By David Himmel

“The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.” —U.S Code 176

I didn’t see the usual “I VOTED” stickers from my darling and my annoying social media friends on Super Tuesday III—as MSNBC was calling it in further effort to make the news feel like a Rocky film. That is due in part because I didn’t spend much time on social media yesterday. I couldn’t afford that time. I was busy with other stuff. But it also could be because a lot of those social media friends didn’t vote, and if they did, things are so goddamn dour now that bragging about running an errand wasn’t worth the energy it takes to frame, filter, and post a pic proving your citizenship.

I also didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III—again, MSNBC’s title for a voting day because MSNBC is run by dorks who get hard and wet over the most mundane but important aspects of American life.

Yep. I’m that guy. I’m that guy who didn’t vote in the most important primary of our lives. Right? That’s what this is, right? Eh. I’m also that guy who is married to a woman who didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary on Super Tuesday III. 

Allow me to digress… Okay, look, I realize that MSNBC didn’t create the Super Tuesday III moniker, but that was the channel my wife had on most of the day as we were holed up in our apartment trying to dodge COVID-19. And I dislike MSNBC almost as much as I dislike FOX News, so I’m easily coerced by my own ego—maybe my id, I don’t know—to take a barely clever shit on its dumb, smug face whenever I can.

Now, back to the important thoughts… I’m that guy who didn’t vote. And I’m that guy whose wife didn’t vote. And I fully expect friends of ours, friends like Rory Zacher to comment on this story or its Facebook post, or to text me and say something to the effect of: “I hope Trump comes into your home, grabs your two-year-old-son by the pussy and builds a wall around your toilet. That’s what you get for not voting.” And that’s fine. Because my son doesn’t have a pussy. Just ask him. He will proudly tell you he has a penis and that “Mommy penis… bye-bye.” And that reminds me… I need to teach my son that a penis is not something that all people have then goes “bye-bye.” That’s sexism. And it only applies, respectfully, to rich trannies.

I’m a politico. I even write and host podcasts for POLITICO. But I didn’t vote. Why? Well, duh…

The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

My vote would not have mattered. Nope. I don’t want to hear it. It wouldn’t have mattered. I would have chosen a Democratic Ballot. Between the job, trying to keep Literate Ape functioning, missing Don Hall like the deserts miss the rain, being an engaged dad and attentive husband, and thinking through two film projects, one novel, and a book of poetry, I did not have the bandwidth to consider those down-ballot elections. I like to think of myself as non-partisan. I would easily vote republican if I thought a republican candidate could do the job right. But if I had voted today, I would have asked for a Democratic ballot, which means I would have ben voting for the best of the most useless so-called liberal. Maybe there were general contests to vote for, I don’t know. Because I mostly don’t care. And I’ll come back to that in a moment. As it relates to voting for the president, well… I’d prefer Bernie. But, if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, that’s fine. I know Bernie won’t get done all he wants to get done because he’ll never have the support of Congress required to do it. See, the thing that most people forget is that the president is designed to be the Face, not the Ruler. It’s Congress that makes the difference. And come the general election, I’ll likely vote Democrat all the way down. Except for judges. But that’s a complicated story for another time.

 The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.

So even I had voted, it wouldn’t have mattered. Some excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party would be elected over an equally excited wank aligned with the Democratic Party. And then it’ll be a fight to the finish against a republican cocknozzle who wants to be as (un)cool as Devin Nunes. And my vote for Bernie, and my wife’s vote for Bernie, would not have helped keeping him from getting trounced the same way the Houston Astros trounced the rules of baseball. Thing is, if I had voted, I’d feel far more disappointed than I am right now. And you should know, dear reader, that my secondary goal in life is to master disappointment. The first goal is to convince myself, my wife, and every girlfriend I’ve ever had that I was worth the lay.

Yeah, yeah, Zacher, I know, I could have early voted. And I thought about that. “Maybe we should do that,” I said to my wife, Katie. Or maybe she said it to me. But we didn’t. Why? I dunno. Because this primary didn’t matter much in our household, I suppose. And that’s selfish, I know. But we’re white and not broke, and we own a boat, and we have so many friends who can afford in vitro and all that shit—like multiple times, all of them—so what the fuck do you expect from us?

So, the primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary is because it wasn’t important. And not just because I don’t care about the flawed system or the sub-basement candidates. But because when I considered the risk of casting a vote for one fuckhead over another at risk of contracting COVID-19, I chose to stay home and have Zoom meetings with co-workers.

But here’s the other thing—that goddamn coronavirus. Yep. I’m not afraid, but I’m not an idiot. I’ve been a healthcare journalist to varying degrees for ten years. I was the editor in chief of Chicago Health magazine for six years. I’m a senior healthcare reporter for POLITICO. I’m not bragging (should I?), I’m just setting the stage to tell you that I’m not an everyday idiot. I’m a special kind of idiot! I recognize this shit is real. It was real the moment it left Wuhan. And really, it was real the moment it left the bat and made its way into the first human, or however the fuck this goddamn thing began.

Katie was sick on Sunday. A slight fever, which dropped quickly, was not the great concern. The great concern was her hydration because she was—how can I put this politely—shitting out of her mouth and pissing out of her ass for a good twenty-four hours. Three days later, she’s still struggling to find her normal. And now our boy has a fever. Tuesday afternoon, he broke through 100ºF with the gusto we all wanted Hillary to break through that glass ceiling. (Alas, another white male out did a woman. Yeah, I’m as perturbed by it as you are, brah/sista.)

Do they have COVID-19? Probably not. But were/are they ill? Yep. And in a time when we know less than almost fuck all about this pandemic, should someone exposed to their snot, breath, and farts venture out to a voting booth, take hold of a communal pen, and breathe on every available surface? Nah. Probably not.

As of this writing, I feel great. My bowel movements are as liquid as they usually are and my ability to breathe is as normal as it usually is, which is to say, I can smell all the farts in my house. The lingering ones… the ones living in the couch cushions, the ones that aren’t mine or Katie’s or Harry’s, but those of some of our dearest friends. You know who you are, couch farters.

My office shut down last week after the news that someone in one of the largest downtown Chicago office complexes was tested positive for COVID-19. The agency I work for has taken some drastic measures to ensure its survival as has almost every single organization in the United States with employees and clients to consider. This shit is ugly. And with each passing day, it look smore and more like a more devastating. I mean, they’ve stopped the money. No NBA. No NCAA. No goddam casinos! When America shuts down it’s money, you know shit is real. This is stranger and more dire and more uncertain than 9/11. And 9/11 was fucking  fucked up. You remember, right?

So I didn’t vote. I’m on a minor quarantine. Since I’m the only person in our household—other than the dog—without any flu-like or ass dynamite symptoms, I’m the one who makes the Walgreens runs and walks that mooch of a dog (whom I love). And as In pass other dog walkers, or the rare jogger or Walgreens runner, we take extra steps aside to avoid each other—three feet at least! And we give a knowing nod to say, “Don’t vote, dude. Those pens are not getting whipped down. I know they say they are, but come on. We all know that’s not true. The wipedowns are dependent on poorly paid democratic (lowercase D, morons, calm down) do-gooders who would rather be at home than have you breathing and coughing on them.”

The outcome of the 2020 election, presidential and every more important down-ballot ticket will not be determined by my staying at home. And if it does, it doesn’t matter. Because even if Old Joe Dementia gets the nomination, even if Trump is reelected, even if Kim Fox marries Jussie Smollet’s straight alter-ego, my vote yesterday—Super Tuesday III when Brian Williams and Rachel Maddow scissor to the tune of Europe’s “The Final Countdown” during Morning Joe, nothing is more important than the health of my family, myself, and my neighborhood. Especially when stacked against our decaying democracy, or whatever the fuck we call this shitshow now.