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#and ALL I ASK. IS THAT NO ONE IN MY REAL LIFE ESPECIALLY NOT SOMENE WAY YOUNGER THAN ME. KNOWS ABOUT THOSE SPECIFIC THINGS
lgbtlunaverse · 4 months
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I'm not sure why my baby sister (who is 12 which means she's actually only 8) knowing things related to my hyperfixations that she's TOO YOUNG FOR perfectly in the age range to know about deals me so much psychic damage. But just when I thought i'd recovered from her watching bnha (it's FINE young teens are literally the target audience for shounen this is normal-) she looks at me today and goes "Hey. You ever heard of heaven's offical blessing?"
Me, having 50 different crises at the same time: uhh yeah i've read some other stuff by the same author. Why?
Her: oh no reason
Me: do NOT read mdzs do not do it you are a BABY and also if you do that I will die do NOT uhuh
Her: my classmate said books 1 and 3 are fine but 2 and 4 are super sad.
Me: oh interesting! gottagobye!
and then I ran to my room like a coward.
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papers4me · 3 years
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Fruits Basket, Se03, ep10 (part 1)
“ What to do? & how to do it? the answer & the method are so simple, so simple but difficult as hell. it was hard for me to get them, & that’s exactly why I treasure them/ makes them valuable”. kyo~ This is my favorite quote in all anime.
How many times a domestic abuse victim was told just leave this abusive partner? report them? easy. just make a call. Report your abusive parents? tell someone. easy. Just speak up. It is true. It is easy but difficult as hell. To believe it is your right to fight. No, to believe you deserve to fight. to Live. This abuse is not a punishment you must endure. Hope is not dead. How simple yet so difficult to do that. ugh! my heart!
- Seeing Death vs Facing Death: ( The abuser who was stopped):
Abuse is a form of slow death. An actual intentional murder of an innocent soul. Abusers suck the life out of their victims & kyo’s biological dad is the poster monster for that. His appearance:
thin deathly demeanor, lack of nourishment, excessive drinking, lack of desire get out of the abyss, wide eyes, tiny pupils, manic laughter. shaky body movement. pathetic outlook at things.
heavy breathing, lack of logic & distorted facts, blurry speech, bizarre mentality, toxic behavior, tendency to hurt, injure, both physically & verbally.
inability to grasp reality, desire for inflecting pain on others, finding joy in that as it justifies his entire toxic mentality.
Fear of being hurt like he hurt others & being paranoid since he KNOWS he should receive punishment.
Kyo stood watching this man spit, rage, shake, scream. The man from his past, the authoritative figure in his early tender years, the person who must always be right: a parent. Facing his dad, Kyo’s entire gradual change was fantastic:
Kyo went from feeling utter fear from this man, hatred towards him, grief at the loss of a father & a mother, to force himself to stand his ground & not leave” easy but difficult as hell“ , to talk ” easy but difficult as hell“ , to announce that isnt gonna die ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say I’m loved & I want to to be with someone ” easy but difficult as hell”
to then realize the source of his mom’s misery isnt him after all, but this jerk! & not crumble at this realization ” easy but difficult as hell“ to grief over his mom’s tragic life & still announce again that he’s anit throwing his life away ” easy but difficult as hell“ to still look at his dad with pity rather than immense hate & anger ” easy but difficult as hell“ to remove his hand & leave him behind in the past while he moves forward ” easy but difficult as hell“ to say “ i’ll come visit again, cuz I anit afraid of you anymore, I’m not running, but I’ll try to extend a hand if you wanna do the same one day. It is your choice to be the abuser who must be stopped or the one who is atoned! you can choose, dad! We heard his choice as kyo was leaving, didn’t we? locking himself in an eternal cage that he made for himself. After all, he is the monster in his own story by his own choice.
-Seeing death (1): Kyo watching his mom’s suicide is a traumatic experience especially considering she chose such a graphic way to exist this world. Kyo once said to tohru “ mom went flying”, he now said“ mom threw her life away” very graphic ways to explain her death both literally & figuratively. This alone coupled with his father accusing him, resulted in a 4 year old screaming” I’mma yuki & kill myself, this would make you happy, dad”. This explains kyo’s 2 meetings with yuki as kids“ I hate you” at the sohma estate, the 2nd meeting “ I hate you” at the street. Mimicking the toxic behavior of the dad. Why didn’t kyo mimic kazuma? cuz trauma doesn't work like that. Kids can live safely for time then one traumatic experience shatter their self-worth into an endless cycle of self-hurt, low self worth & anger issues or withdrawal. The writing that set kyo/yuki against each other is perfect.
-Seeing death (2): Kyo watching kyoko’s death hammers all the insecurities of child kyo deep down into teenage kyo. Kyoko too, went flying, blood everywhere. too much pain happening again, crashing hope & killing his fighting spirit over & over. Be with tohru? why? to kill her, too?
-Seeing death (3): Kyo watching tohru’s injured body. Yup. You caused this. not by pushing her or failing to catch her. No. but by hurting her with harsh words. by forcing her away from you.
-Facing death (1): Kyo facing his dad, the symbol of deadly-abuse. To stand & announce to live is huge. -Facing death (2): refuse death: being caged till death, -Facing death (3): To say, I wanna be loved & love someone, life is not just being outside, heck! kyo was outside for 17 years! life is abt being with those who give it meaning! -Facing death (4): To not demand others to die as a punishment. Walking away from his dad without igniting the cycle of revenge & hate. ahhhhhhhhhh~~~  Chef’s kiss!
-Seeing eye to eye: ( I don’t need to be you, but I appreciate you):
Kyo & yuki toxic relationship has been ongoing since their birth. The moment kyo’s dad was dismayed that he got the cat of all zodiac & the moment yuki’s mom was delighted she got the rat of all zodiacs. From that moment it became: look how lucky the rat parents? You shamed me? Look how pitiful that cat? eww! stay away from his filth. The explosive nature of kyo’s tragic fate tainted him with the blood of his mom & the daggers of his father’s hateful words, while the nature of yuki’s sheltered & locked fate tainted him with fear & isolation. They meet & both carry out the feelings of rejection & hate all while envying the other. The toxic nature of their relationship consist of fights & condensing words. Tohru connected both. Through her, they became civil. Even talking abt perverted shigure. Now that she is hurt, they are lost without her. Their lives are empty.
Yuki’s “ kyo has his own pain & reasons”  (to not see tohru) is my fave line! even better than all the epic lines after they confess their feelings. cuz this like happened before they connect. it shows that, I see his pain, I get he has his reasons. But whatever issues he have shouldn’t hurt tohru. this is when yuki interferes in kyo’s choices. For tohru. This is also when kyo really allows him to. For tohru. Had tohru nor be part of the fight, kyo wouldn’t even engage in it & yuki wouldn’t initiate it.
-“I wanted to be you!” : Kyo said it first. I loved this so much! Cuz kyo said I hate you first! it is so fulfilling that the truth is now out. From kyo first. Cuz really... that hate was all toxic inheritance from a toxic father & a toxic system.
- “Why do you have to say it firs!” Yuki was mad, cuz he was struggling with it for the longest time. to be kyo. He even mused on how kyo interacted with ppl in school, got himself his own mini kyo. lol. studied how kyo filled tohru’s world just by existing. yuki can't do that for tohru. he looked for someone whom he could do that for! yuki/machi scene at her house paralleled kyo/tohru scene at her room when she was sick (se01, e023) & when they eating the somen together (se02, e02), yuki/machi chalk scene paralleled kyo/tohru scene at the beach where he coaxed tohru to tell her mom’s story (se02, e07). Yuki really was having a hard time finding his true self & accepting it without needing to learn from kyo. It is hard to say “ i admired you” after being rejected by you! so kyo saying it first helped yuki say his after. Also, both boys were hella shocked they admire each other. Like both were deeply shocked! stupid boys! XD
Side Notes:
Kyo’s confrontation with his dad is furuba’s most powerful scene & most well-written one! From the fear of facing him, to talking to him with low voice, to physically stopping him, to the exposed last piece of locked memory abt the mother, to the freedom gained by walking forward! Heck, even how it was weaved psychologically to perfectly mimic children’s self-defense mechanisms & children copying their parents theme. The realistic depiction of abusers both in their most powerfully menacing moment & in their weakest cowardly moment. Top-tier writing! Hands down my fave furuba scene! Can’t ask for better! Can’t even imagine better! genius- writing Takaya-san!
The boys had a necessary fight & confrontation & the yuki’s entire speech was valid & perfect speech. However, as usual, I’m not a fan of how violence is depicted in furuba. I was actually “warned/ ordered” by an anon to not “ sh*t” on the boys fight scene. I don’t know why someone who’d read my reviews would think i’d have anything but love for both boys. I criticize the writing not the characters. Also, furuba fans have always been good to me, I state my opinion frankly & they talk to me! “ talk!”. You don’t have to throw virtual fists over different perspectives on fiction. Talking kindly does magic, also having different opinions is natural & normal for humans.
I love yuki so much, he’s one of my top faves in furuba & I get why the boys would quarrel & throw fists. I get the history between them, the current state of mind, their emotions & mentality & I get it’s fiction & drama that needs its “ OMG” moment. However, I cringe when I see violence used as a bonding moment in fiction in general. That’s just me. I wish the fight was done in a more artistic style without showing that scene where yuki corned kyo & punched him in full view of the screen. (again not hating on yuki nor the fact that they needed to fight). I’m jus saying I didn't need to see a one-sided beat up from a character I love to another one I love. That’s just me again~ feel free to enjoy this moment to its fullest. It’s fiction & I’m not judging anyone at all, nor hating anyone from real life or fiction <3<3<3.
Yuki’s last piece of character development is in my part 2 review! Along with machi. Also, yuki’s Japanese VA was awesome!!
Also, let yuki have deep various facial expressions!!!! ugh! In the fight scene they did yuki so dirty with his hair covering his eyes all the time! then followed by low quality shots of him breathing! Why?! The voice acting sold the entire excellent emotional rage more than the animation! Yuki can look pretty even when mad, heck! screw looking pretty! just give him deep facial expressions to mach his feelings! boy was hella mad like he never was his entire life! always forced to wear a mask or be diplomatic! now he’s screaming his lungs out, you hide his face??? really?? Sigh~ the anime always do this wit yuki, replace facial expressions with hair on eyes or having his eyes without light. I wanna see them expressive eyebrows so bad!!!
Another powerful VA performance was both kyo’s dad VAs! both the Japanese (with his excessive breathing) & the English VA (with his range). They sold the mad abusive character! they gave me chills!
Also, I sound like a broken record, but kyo’s both VAs did phenomenon in the dad’s scene & tohru’s scene. Honestly, I only watch the dub to hear Jerry! I learned his name & would watch the dub for him!
Akito, Arisa, Kureno in part 2 of my review as well.
Shigure/yuki returning home scene is call back to ep1. Ok, everybody loves a call back scene & the full circle thingy. but C’mon! you dont have to copy everything! the walk, the scenery, its purpose, dialogue & all! The anime really took advantage of kyo being missing. XD
Tohru’s dress/top color matches the color of kyo’s old hat (The hat). symbolic of him finding her? As if he did find her when they were children? cool. I love this detail. But i do NOT love this color on tohru at all !! lol. it is so dull on her. The dress style/ design mimics her same dress in se01, ep26 as she was talking to kazuma & kyo fought him. Their first intimate moment after nearly loosing the other. Heck! tohru was even hurt on her hand as well. but the color was a nice pastel yellow. It suited tohru. The hat’s bluish-greenish color matches tohru’s own pajama at home!!!! & kureno’s hospital pajama! T_T... why couldn't the hat be red!!!! a color that both represent kyo & yuki! both were compared to red before~ oh well~~ minor issue~
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rockcfellers · 4 years
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 /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our   student government   ,   arden rockefeller .  this   cisfemale  virgo   has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for   seven years   and  is  currently  a  21  year  old   junior.   through  the  halls ,   she  has   always  reminded  me  of   danielle rose russell  ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  she managed to get somene’s admission to cape coral deferred a year for her own benefit .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .  ʼ      (   muse 10 ,  adri ,  19 ,  cst ,  she/her   )
go on, replace me, when you’re craving something sweeter than the words i left in your mouth, go on and spit me out
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NAME — arden olivia rockefeller.
NICKNAMES — n/a? 
PRONOUNS — she/her.
AGE & DOB — 21 & august 23, 1998.
PLACE OF BIRTH — new york city, new york.
NATIONALITY — american.
MAJOR — psychology & political science.
EDUCATION — cape coral international school.
CLUBS — student government, unicef campus initiative, and lacrosse.
* background overview !
arden is twins with her brother, neels, both first born to this half of the rockefeller generation (he’s older by several minutes, but she’ll never attest to that) they’ve always been kinda close but never attached at the hip.
you know, i honestly feel like she had a fairly decent? childhood? like nothing was really wrong, just that her parents were always busy and never really gave the attention they should’ve to young children. 
she was typically always very bright and cheery to everyone, evoking a “your daughter’s so sweet” from most people she met, which felt like the biggest compliment to her, because it meant that someone thought she was nice even if they disliked the rest of her family for any given reason, kind of like a twisted self worth?
her parents definitely would’ve preferred she did something that seemed more feminine, but arden found a love for kickboxing and later lacrosse, the two sports a great place for her to channel her energy into, letting her mellow out when she’s going through her day to day routine.
arden’s still figuring out how to be both who she’s expected to be and who she wants to be without facing any real repercussions, but hasn’t quite gotten that part down yet.
it was always known she could come to cape coral, considering her family, but she’s lowkey really grateful that she was given the opportunity to study what she wanted where she wanted. 
that being said.... she’s still kinda a bitch. i mean, someone she knew from outside of cape coral wanted to applied and had gotten accepted, but arden had worried that they would interfere from her getting idk maybe a spot in the student government or accepted into her research program etc etc, so she talked to her grandfather and had their admission deferred a year so that her studies wouldn’t be affected.
* personality !
okay so,,,she is New so i’m still working out all the kinks but for the most part, she’s just.. neutral
before, she used to be like aggressively happy and cheery and nice. probably to compensate for the fact that everyone around her just seemed so mean.
she’s always hated being seen as weaker than or less than anyone else, which is partially why she’s taken up lacrosse and boxing, much to her grandfather’s distaste. 
now she’s more focused on herself and is capable of being able to brush off any kind of comment that comes from people she doesn’t feel like directly affect her, which isn’t a great mentality to have but neither is caring too much about what other people think
the part of her that was very kind and viewed life with a sweet naivety is there, but heavily guarded and buried. she just feels like, it’s not something that’ll do her much good rather than leave her looking a mess or fool when someone takes advantage of it.
she’s like,,,the person that isn’t afraid to knock you down a few pegs but will do so with the sweetest smile on her face to really seal the deal. 
she found an interest in politics, actually hating the way things were run but really enjoying finding out why people did and voted and favored the things they did, so she’s double majoring in psychology and political science
she tries to do everything on her own and hates asking for help, like even when she really needs to, but it’s mostly because really needing someone makes her uneasy because she’s always wondering if they’re going to leave her eventually or if they’re just using her or if they really don’t care about her the way she cares for them
that being said, she’s loyal as all hell to her loved ones. like will literally help you get away with murder if you asked her for help, once you’ve reached that point you are absolutely important to her.
* character tropes !
so she’s basically the maiden in the sense that she’s typically overly self confident and finds herself in positions where she’s stuck and needs help, whether it’s being in too many things at once and being too spread out or like in actual danger. arden heavily takes after her parents in the sense that she wants to be wholly capable of taking care of herself, the feeling of being dependent on someone making her uneasy. because of this, she finds herself in situations that could’ve been completely avoided if she had just taken a step off her high horse and admitted or realized she couldn’t do it on her own. the confidence she exhibits today was a learned trait however, arden getting her heartbroken by someone she had really loved taught her how to be comfortable with herself and just be a Badass, but protect the softer side to herself from then on.
* playlist !
wasabi — little mix:
stick like toffee, sip like coffee wake up, change your mind and drop me love to hate me, crazy, shady spit me out like hot wasabi lick me up, I'm sweet and salty mix it up and down my body love to hate me, praise me, shame me either way you talk about me
arden’s a strong believer in the quote by william shakespeare “love me or hate me, both are in my favour. If you love me, i will always be in your heart… if you hate me, i’ll always be in your mind.” she’s really aware of how she can come across as, but is really selective in who she cares to spend time showing her full self to. everyone else and every other opinion gets taken with a grain of salt. she’s definitely had friends that only used her for her name and then dropped her once they were done,she wasted no time moving on.
hold me while you wait — lewis capaldi:
i wish you'd cared a little more (hold me while you wait) i wish you'd told me this before (hold me while you wait) my love, my love, my love, my love won't you stay a while? (hold me while you wait)
a few years ago, she was in a relationship where she had cared a little bit too much about what they thought of her, finding herself seeking their approval for everything, truly believing this person was the sun. she fell hard and fast for them and they took advantage of this and cheated on her, thinking that they would get away with it… and they did for a while. arden tried to excuse it because of how much she loved them, but was starting to feel like she was never going to be good enough for them, but staying with them until things ultimately came to an end, still holding onto the hope that things would change. eventually she realized that she couldn’t keep holding onto that relationship forever and things ended.
winter — relic:
where am i going? i can’t see nothing but the road that’s out in front of me i think it’s snowing
arden’s the worst at multitasking and it shows even in her life. she’s very one track minded and knows what she wants out of it, but only sees one way to get there, so everything that’s the tiniest bit off her track, she gets thrown off completely and needs someone to just nicely push her back in the direction she was headed.
* aesthetics !
candle lights, the breathlessness felt when seeing big city skylines, scrunchies, tart strawberries dipped in sugar, iced coffee in mason jars, long swooping cursive, high-waisted jeans, half opened jewelry boxes, setting a new pen against fresh paper, standing outside during the middle of a sun-shower, tucked in shirts, a hand reaching out to catch you when you fall, golden hour. 
* wanted plots !
i’m the worst at coming up with things but,,,,, here’s a few 
general friends: honestly some from childhood, some from high school, others from college, give me New friend with the people coming on scholarship, anything
best friends: someone that’s been by her side for years, someone she’d literally trust with her whole life
ride or dies: honestly what it says, maybe like two or three of them that have been through the thick and thin of it but still have a really strong friendship in the end?
confidant: honestly, probably someone she’s close with, but doesn’t see on a regular basis? maybe they just box together from time to time to blow off steam? it helps if they’re not someone she’d see all the time, that way she’s not constantly staring her admission in the face
bad influence: someone who can teach her to let go and get out more, care even less about what others think, especially her parents. even if that’s taking her to parties or drinking/smoking alone in a room
exes ( good, bad, anything in between ): you know the drill, hit me with the good angst. (male, female, nb)
roommate ( probably a cape coral student ): arden doesn’t like needing people but that doesn’t mean she wants to be alone, they probably have a pretty nice place together ngl. i picture it being really cozy and nicely decorated?
hook ups: you also know this drill, sometimes you gotta blow off steam. (male, female, nb)
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zachvillasource · 4 years
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As a striver to be a “master of all,” Zach Villa is a skilled singer, actor, dancer, and instrumentalist who has been a part of various projects and has worked with world renowned talent. Zach has performed in the theater production of “Twelfth Night” alongside Anne Hathaway, has choreographed for Diane Paulus, performed on “The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon,” acted alongside Nicole Kidman, and played with the LA Philharmonic, among many more credits.
Currently, Zach can be found playing the infamous, terrifying, and gripping serial killer, Richard Ramirez aka the “Night Stalker,” in American Horror Story: 1984. Viewing the art of playing different roles as “puzzle pieces,” he strives to find empathy within every character he is given and with a commitment to give reality and a personal adaptation to his roles, Zach is hard-working and enjoys roles that do not resemble him in real life. As well, he is an everyday guy, enjoying fast cars and playing poker, but adores the arts and having a creative bone in his body.
With a great sense of humor answering questions and having patience while I figured out GarageBand, please enjoy the interview below with Zach:
Sorry! I forgot to press record. I have the questions here.
That’s ok. I will delay and deem technology hard cause it’s 2019. Let’s do it.
As this season of American Horror Story is coming to an end, what has your experience been like? Was it different or similar to what you expected?
That is a wide ranging question and hopefully it’s some kind of answer. I think when I booked the show, I mean, look, everybody has an idea of what being a serial killer on a show like AHS as I think you take for granted you’re gonna be busy, you take for granted that it’s gonna be a challenge at some point and you know I kinda took all of that with a grain of salt and just put my best foot forward. I don’t think I was thrown by the intensity of it, but I do know that by the end of the season I checked in with myself and realized I’m much more battle worn than I thought and that wasn’t necessarily like any particular aging quality of the show that tears down actors or anything, but I do think that it’s unique. We spent a lot of late nights out in the woods and doing a lot of very intense, dark, emotional work and even when the tone was light I think that that’s still a part of the world of AHS, so that definitely took a toll on me in a way that was subconscious and so these last few weeks here filming I’ve definitely become aware of that and was like, “Oh I’m looking forward to some rest.”
That’s actually perfect cause that kind of goes into my next question. I saw that your role in AHS is playing the serial killer, Richard Ramirez, what was that like and did you have to do anything to prepare for that specific role?
I get this question a lot and not to err on the side of mysterious mystery or anything. I definitely kept some of the prep that I’ve done to myself only because it’s just really difficult to understand when you’re handed a role like Richard Ramirez, even if there’s a campy nature or a light-hearted nature to some of the material that we get into later in the season. There’s no manual like no one says, “Ok you have to play someone who has brutally killed at least thirteen people and that’s a really terrible thing, but society wouldn’t accept.” The most simple answer is I used the tools I use for every role. I do all the research that I possibly can and if I’m playing a real person, which I am, I compared a lot of physical traits in particular, how he sounds, how he walked, how he presented himself physically in the world. I took a lot of that stuff from the plethora of material available and then injected it into the show and the material that was in the script because there’s always a marriage that happens between the material and what an actor’s performance is going to be. It’s not like they give you the script and “oh you’re just you” or “oh you’re just this perfect character that they’ve written.” There’s always some kind of negotiation when you’re playing a biographical role. That was the biggest thing for me. That I had to kind of edit and be like “oh this is how he sounds, this is how he walks and that still works in the world of AHS: 1984.” Is it funny or is it cool, is it scary, like I had to kind of look outside myself every time to make sure that the role was working from an audience point of view. The scary answer is that I walked around downtown very very late at night just thinking dark things while listening to scary music, but no one wants to hear about that. 
Wait is that actually true?? Was that one of your ways to prepare for the role or are you completely joking?
I don’t want to go into too much more detail, but ya I mean the thing is that like because he was a real person that was LA based a lot of the locations that are mentioned in the material you can go visit. You can go see a lot of the hotels that he crashed at and yeah I wanted to see what that felt like. I wanted to see how it affects the body and the mind being in his place at night, as you know everyone knows that he did. That was definitely an element and what I did on the streets I’m not gonna talk about cause who knows. I didn’t kill anybody if that’s what you’re asking. You dress a certain way it makes you feel a certain way. A lot of these things, you know you don’t have to go downtown and murder 13 people to be able to figure out how somene’s psychology works, but you can get close like if you start to mimic. I think it’s like trying on a different pair of pants or a different mask or costume. It affects you and I took that energy and I took how that made me feel and just kind of amped it up and developed it with my own psychology.
What has being a part of AHS taught you, if anything? Personal wise or career wise.
That’s a very good question. I think that we’re always learning, especially artists that’s kind of our job. Well we have multiple jobs, our first job is getting work, and then our career is doing the acting and being on camera and trying to be brilliant in a very small high pressure situation, but I think that as an artist really what makes you move forward is learning and so I think that I’m always learning. I think that everyone is learning just as much from a good experience as they would a bad experience and AHS was a career highlight, is a career highlight for sure and I want it to continue being a career highlight. I think that it kind of just taught me that you have to stick with it even when things are confusing or hectic or the work seems like it doesn’t make any sense because you’re trying to play a historical person, but then you realize that you’re working on campy comedy that also explores really dark, scary, gore and those are certain things you don’t see in the script at the very beginning and so I think maybe if I were to take something away professionally acting wise it’s that you have to be ok with surprise, you have to learn to adapt to whatever the process asks of you and I knew that, but I think AHS, this particular show, really demanded it of me in a different way and usually it demanded it of me when I only had four and a half hours of sleep after a night shoot, so I think that I learned something about myself. I learned that I have the stamina to really take roles like this and go the distance and just be adaptable and be ready for surprise.
What has been the most challenging character to play, so far in your career?
Man, you’re pulling no punches. I don’t know, I mean I kind of feel like I get more excited and more success in payoff when I’m playing characters that are challenging, that aren’t like me at all, so I would say like “oh ya like Richard Ramirez or Richard III oddly, you know, or something of that nature,” but I don’t really see it as a challenge, I think it’s just kind of a puzzle piece, so sorry that’s not really the answer to your question. I just try not to judge the roles that I do. I mean, sure there are some that I’ve felt better about or less successful about, but I think a lot of those happened in acting school for me, like a lot of it was stuff that I clearly wouldn’t have been casted for in the real world, but it still taught me something, so I guess challenging or most difficult character I’ve had to play was... I don’t know. I don’t really have a problem with getting behind really, pardon my French, but fucked up psychology like I think that’s something that I enjoy delving into because you learn about humanity and look, humans are complicated, confused animals and we’re all just trying to do our best and when we’re being cordial and we got our shit together I think that can be a really beautiful thing, but we’re also capable of some really terrible evil and I think that for me I’ve become more comfortable clearly with that side of my psychology and humanity and I think that you have to as an actor, so it’s hard for me to answer that because I try to find empathy in every character that I take on even if it’s quote on quote challenging for me on a personal level.
I know you act, sing, dance, and play instruments, but if you had to choose just one of those things, which one is your favorite?
I will not choose. There, I refuse to, in fact I got so much slack when I was in high school in particular, instructors who were very wise and 99% of the time this might be true for students that they were working with, they would always try to make me choose, they’re like “stop playing the guitar, why are you writing songs, you’re 17 and why are you just picking this up now like you have a dance career and you’re really good at singing and acting” and I’m like “well those are three things you already listed that are different from each other, so why are you telling me to choose one thing now?” I just kind of felt like that was only the lie and something I’ve been fighting for a very long time and a lot of great artists throughout history have been, dare I say well-rounded, and that’s not to say that I want to be a master of none, I think that I’d like to be a master of all and trying to use all these different gifts and mediums to inform one another. I mean that’s a huge part of my process. I wouldn’t be able to fight or move physically like Richard if I didn’t have an extensive dance background, if I didn’t have a dance background I wouldn’t know the first thing about programming drums and music in the studio, so it’s just like for me it’s just all part of the same suit and they’re all different highs. I mean, selfishly it’s pretty cool that I get to be on the set of AHS and then go play a rock show the next week you know like that’s really fun for me and in a very very different experience cause you can’t replicate on a set.
What inspired you to get into the arts?
I feel like maybe I had no choice. My mom was a dance teacher, she’s retired now, and I had a dance studio attached to my house growing up, so I kind of feel at a certain age it was like “well we can do daycare and never spend time with our son or we can put him in dance class and my mom could teach me something useful” and that’s what ended up happening. I was just injected with it at a very early age and as I grew older the truth changes all the time. Like I'm sure at one point I was like “oh yay, fame and glory” and then I learned more about storytelling and I learned how cathartic that was for me. I’ve definitely gone through periods where the arts were like therapy for me, but I think at the end of the day, it’s in my blood and I can’t imagine doing anything else and I don’t think I even have to know why. I think that I have some things to offer that society likes to call “expert communication” on some level and I think that it would be a waste if I wasn’t doing that because that’s what I’ve always done and I think that’s probably what I'll always do and I don’t really have a logical reason as to why that’s necessary.
What hobbies do you have when you’re not working?
I love playing poker. I love motorcycles and I love fast cars. It’s so stereotypical it hurts, but it’s true. Because when I'm riding a motorcycle it honestly feels like one of my best acting moments, I feel like it’s the perfect balance of risk, danger and control and that’s what being alive is. I took up film photography about three years ago. I needed something that didn’t have the pressure of success, so I get a lot of satisfaction from being the guy at a party or at an event that has a camera and is looking for a candid moment. So that brings me some joy and I haven’t tried to make money from it yet, so everything is going well with that.
You’ve worked with a lot of other big names like Anne Hathaway and Nicole Kidman. Have you learned anything from working with them?
Absolutely! When I worked with Anne, I was fresh out of school and it was one of my first gigs and I think every actor, big or small, has a different process and I can’t tell you how many different ways there are to do this job. There’s no right way, there’s no manual. You can go to school for 8 years and be the worst actor or you can just come out of the womb and just have it. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing big names and small names be incredible on stage, or horrible. I think it’s paramount to understand that everybody has a different way of working and as soon as you start to judge that it’s really dangerous territory because you have to have freedom and you have to feel safe in order to do good work. I’ve seen it done every single way and what I’ve learned about the ones that are good actors, but also good at their jobs, is that they’re just so graceful, open, and vulnerable on set. I think that good manners and being gracious towards your fellow actors, crew mates and everybody who works on the project to make it happen is one of the most admirable qualities. Nicole, when I worked with her, I was blown away. It was a childhood dream to act with her because I watched her in Moulin Rouge and was obsessed with that as a kid. I mean growing up as a triple threat - dancer, actor, singer - and then Moulin Rouge comes out, I was just enamored. When I got to work with her, it was such a weird out of body experience because I had been on the grind for a long time and then I looked around one day and was like, “Oh my god, I’m on Nicole Kidman’s lap sitting on a couch, doing a scene with her. What is this life?” What was so cool is that she was gracious and caring to me and everyone that she worked with and as far as I was concerned, it felt like we were just two peers working on a scene. There was no ego involved and when I got to see that from someone that high up in their career it was extremely admirable. Taking away from that experience, I think it’s important to remember that we’re all in this together, it’s a hard gig and we’ve got to support each other.
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