#and I think that is what is first and foremost mellows him out with Nemuri after Nemu dies

[unohanadaydreams]

Realized I forgot to post the rest of my ramblings on the Mayuri vs Pernida fight from my manga re-read so here is some prime word salad about Mayuri, my beloved idiot.

This feels little too late. Like, Mayuri has really dropped the ball in this battle by disregarding his initial thought regarding the Soul King’s arm being a Quincy.

He should have known already that this ability to evolve involved absorption, something Quincy are notorious for. And what has been all over everything, that would allow this Quincy to absorb?

It feels comical, how much he’s neglected to think about his opponent. Like, I’m a dumb ass and I’ve cobbled together the answer.

Meat ball again, eh.

But see the difference in tone? With Zaraki, Mayuri was so elated to tell him the dangers. He was purely farcical about how dropping Zaraki made him feel.

With Nemu it’s different. We see, again, him lashing out and displaying his frustration with himself. But deflecting that frustration to Nemu. Nemu is the punching bag instead of himself. She is him, but better. Perfect. So she needs to shape up and act like it.

The genius of Nemu is that she evolved DESPITE Mayuri. He demands she does exactly as she’s told and he violently lashes out when she doesn’t. He steals her agency. (even when it's played for laughs his unrelenting closeness when she's a member of WA is really telling).

That isn’t how someone grows and he knows that perfectly well. But he won’t face the fact that he’s scared to lose her. So he pretends disobedience betrays weakness.

Nemu has been taught how to learn and observe and she is the reason Mayuri will live—because she saw Pernida for what he was. Like, despite Mayuri's treatment of her, she is able to understand what's going on before he does.

She's not suffering from delusions here. She's not grasping for something that isn't there. Pernida is a Quincy and Nemu isn't perfect. And Mayuri is fucking spiraling on the battlefield.

And here it is—he does not want to make another Nemu. Even if it goes against the very principles of trial and error, of the science he holds so dear. Of the concept of evolution itself. Mayuri doesn’t care if Nemu never gets any smarter or more powerful—he doesn’t give a shit if she’s a shinigami—he just wants her to live. And he refuses to engage with that. He will never admit it.

He cares SO MUCH about her and what she represents that the prospect of having to start over again and fail again is crushing. He can not STAND having this much emotional attachment toward something. It's not irrational in a fun way, its irrational in a way that betrays his values.

He loves a living, breathing person enough to betray the values he's built his entire life & pride & fulfillment on.

Also really love the blocking of this--he is literally refusing to face Nemu.

Doubt. So much doubt. She's switching up her answer on why she interfered to be more agreeable to Mayuri. She is molding her answer to what Mayuri needs to hear and not the truth.

She already said he needed a shield but now she’s walked it back and actually, she was just trying to get him what he needed to continue the fight on his own.

Nemu isn't lying but she isn't telling the truth. She's just being what Mayuri wants her to be. Which is someone who protects him.

Uuuuh like father like daughter, you fucking shit. But also I think this is Mayuri's way of changing the subject and diffusing the situation. Of course his idea of diffusing is to put her down, but we can't expect anything emotionally mature from a man who has a melt down every time he approaches the thought that he loves Nemu on a human level.

Oh so when Pernida sounds like Kenpachi, he starts to catch what’s going on????? But he hasn’t caught on to the constant mirroring of his own fucking mannerisms????

He's fried his own brain with the elation of discovery and the intoxication of his own ego. I can't think of any other reason why he's been SO slow to catch on to what's going on.

I fully understand what was being attempted with this battle. At once it's supposed to connect Pernida & Nemu as being of rapid evolution while also taking Mayuri down a notch in terms of his intellect ala his battle with Szayel. His "perfect" invention destroyed by a more "perfect" being of evolution. His fall to hubris and self delusion. His perfect tragedy.

But it just kind of feels kind of unbelievable how fully he's misunderstood Pernida. I know he feels like he knows most if not everything about Quincy at the start of Bleach, but you think he would carry the lesson of being defeated by Uryu and go 'there's probably something here I need to look out for'

BUT HE HASN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE WHOLE PERNIDA IS A QUINCY THING.

You would just think he would catch on even a teenie weenie bit sooner.

I wonder what Mayuri’s zanpakuto looked like before. I imagine probably older looking, which doesn’t fit with Mayuri’s theme of control and always knowing more. Nothing better than a baby who can do nothing but fucking scream and vomit poison.

But also, I really, really like how they're pointing out all the ways that the technology that made Nemu was appropriated for other projects. Not only does it show the passion that went into the Nemuri project but also that they were finding any way possible to CONTINUE that project. Yes number 4 & 5 were failures, but they deserve to have and need more funding because they can regrow brains and skulls and alter zanpakuto. They were doing anything and everything with the research so they could keep it going. Which, considering the amount of abandoned or axed lines of research we hear about, feels meaningful.

And with this time line, I wonder if Senjumaru really was captain for a short while before Mayuri took over. It would make a lot of sense, as I can’t imagine they left 12th division without a captain from the time Urahara left to Mayuri taking up the same double helm. Personally counting this as a headcanon that can be solidified as may-as-well-be canon. They snark at each other for a reason <3

Akon gives his take, but to me the answer is simple and also embarrassing for Mayuri so he would never ever say it.

He starts calling her Nemu because he doesn’t plan to make another Nemuri. He no longer considers her no.7 but simply THE Nemu.

As I was saying above, he doesn’t want to make another one—he’s very insulted at the idea that he would need to. He’s scared of trying and failing again because the experiment and by extension her existence mean so much to him now. This is the technology that gave him captaincy, purpose, and fulfillment. This was his greatest wish. I’m willing to bet this is part of what landed him in the Maggot’s Nest before Urahara hoisted him into a position of power.

Of course, he never displays these feelings how you traditionally would. Instead he treats her as weak and over reliant and is hyper sensitive when she worries for her own life—because those are his feelings regarding her and if there’s one thing he’s going to do, it’s project!

Mayuri needs someone to protect him from himself at this point. He has blinded himself to how Nemu is still no.7. There were Nemuris before her and there will probably be more after her.

She grows despite Mayuri’s attempts to stall her—to keep her alive at all costs isn't what he's meant to do and she knows that. She's meant to evolve or die trying. But more than that, she has read between the lines and understands fully that just like Jizo, her goal is to protect Mayuri. He is his own worst enemy and right now she's protecting him from his refusal to see Pernida for what it is—something he’s studied tirelessly, much as he bragged to Uryu.

She loves Mayuri and wants to make him proud. She wants him to see that she’s grown and that she has become all the things he wanted of her. First and foremost, a shinigami. And shinigami battle. And they die.

And when you fall asleep, you have to wake up. Her name is Nemuri.

I love her. She is much more human than Mayuri may ever be.