#and I’m fricking fricking tired of being Left Behind (<- again. no nuance. but. yeah)
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on one hand i know being debilitatingly anxious is worse, but on the other hand i also hate feeling like i cannot move for .. days at a time
#genuinely it took me an hour and a half to force myself out of bed this morning#and then I keep literally just staring at the wall#and the second i Think About Things I either feel sick to my stomach or ready to burst into tears#or both at the same time#brother and I tried to talk about Future Plans and I. just felt angry and ill.#why can’t God show me what the frick He wants me to DO with my life#(<- statement that is said with zero nuance I know He is making Himself known in ways I just. I don’t even know what I Want)#and I’m fricking fricking tired of being Left Behind (<- again. no nuance. but. yeah)#it feels like the only things I Know I want right now are either incredibly unattainable; too abstract; or just . sins#which Then makes me freak out (read: freeze) Even More and then here we are. staring at a wall again#and I don’t know how to navigate any of this well and I Know I’m just whining and being irrationally upset and I need to be Faithful and#Courageous and Content but I don’t know HOW#elle rambles
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