#and I’m having flashbacks and hyperventilating randomly and have the songs I listened to during those months stuck in my head and am acting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

midnight-mod · 2 years

Text

Ugh I can tell I’m in distress when I drink myself silly to make the panic go away but then start texting people out of a desperate attempt to get someone to pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me pay attention to me

Anyway I’m drunk, in distress, and pretty sure this will subside by Monday and I can return to basically never drinking. Just gotta get there. And I am so fucking powerful you guys! I’m gonna get there. If only to give my PTSD(?) the middle finger. The power of spite compels me!

#ptsd question mark because I’ve never been diagnosed #but I’m coming up on an anniversary of… the inciting incident of my entire life collapsing last year #which despite being for the best and dramatically improving my life #was also the single most traumatic experience of my adult life #and uh. my boyfriend triggered me really really really really bad on Monday #and I’m having flashbacks and hyperventilating randomly and have the songs I listened to during those months stuck in my head and am acting #…strange #alcohol I know I’ve abandoned you this last year but please be kind to my body I have so little tolerance now #but I really need you 😭#because benzos are really expensive :\

8 notes · View notes