#and a big fat fuck you to everyone who says Lance doesn’t deserve to be in F1

[super-max-verstappen]

Lance raced today with pins in his wrists, a broken toe, and still managed to get 8th. That’s just insanity. He was only 0.05s behind Alonso, a 2x world champion, and Alonso was in 5th, so that’s a super tight. He did amazing in the practice sessions as well, was outpacing Max, Charles, and Lewis at various points. His speed is on par with the top of the grid right now and I am so proud of him and of Aston Martin.

Alonso, too. Maybe the other teams were sandbagging in practice but he was giving Max a run for his money. Beating out both Mercs, in his first qualifying race with a new team… wow. We all knew he could pull it off if he had a good enough car, and I’m so excited that he finally does. Like he said, it does feel a bit unreal, but he deserves it. El Plan is unfolding nicely.

I am so excited to see them race tomorrow, hopefully the quali pace transfers over to a good race pace as well.

[airlock]

airlock grades the Punchable archetype

so far, a majority of the Fire Emblem villains I’ve covered in this series are the sort who are meant to be liked, forgiven, sympathized with... these here are not those ones. these are the ones whose singular purpose in the narrative is to piss you the hell off. so, which of them played that role to excellence?

(do note: under cut are spoilers for… everything, and also a significant amount of me criticizing or blamming characters that you might- okay, yeah, no, you probably don’t like anybody on this list, but you may still strongly disagree with my opinions of them. you’ve been warned! ha, no way these fools would set about reading the whole post now... what!? impossible!)

a foreword

so, to be very specific, I’m not rating every flatly irritating miniboss here; the definitive aspect here is that the character has to be a recurring one, whose extended screentime never quite ends up giving them a chance to be something other than vile. but more important than the hair-splitting here is giving some consideration to how exactly I’ll be doing the rating; after all, I’m not supposed to like any of these people, but there’s still better and worse ways to be despicable as a character.

I’m running pretty much on two central critteria: is this character entertaining, and is that character satisfying to take down. it’s more important to hit one than to hit both; a character who hits neither is significantly more likely to be a pure waste of bile, however.

without further ado, let’s start gritting those teeth!

fuck this guy

(9/10)

directly enabling the single most badass scene in all of Book II obviously lands you on the upper echelons of this here character type. but that’s just the effect; we should peer into the cause of what makes him work so well!

of the critteria I mentioned, Lang goes for the latter: he’s not only quite satisfying to defeat, it’s also great anytime someone finally talks back to him and puts him in his place. that’s because he’s not the sort of character for whom this sort of thing is a given. a lot of the ones we’ll see ahead of him are incompetent toadies on top of being amoral, but not this guy; he knows exactly what he’s doing, relying on the backing of the most powerful nation in the continent to plunder, raze, and oppress to his heart’s content. the business of doing something about this dipshit gets severely delayed by the dire consequences of crossing him -- until Marth finally decides that enough is enough.

and THEN Jagen tells him to meet him 9 PM at the Grustian denny’s parking lot for an old man brawl-

fuck this chin

(3/10)

I struggle to understand ol’ Kaga’s obssession with jealousy as a villainous character motivation, I really do. it’s one entirely realistic thing to envy someone for having riches, fame, status, influence, the attention of one’s crush, or other such things that are more or less objective and palpable. it’s also entirely a thing to have an inferiority complex and fear or spite people one perceives as being more talented, better looking, stronger, smarter than oneself. but the way these characters are written tends to come across like they’re furious because they’re underwritten gonk and not everyone else is.

... which hey, would be a pretty upsetting thing if it happened to a real person, but I don’t think meta-commentary is the point here, is it? I sincerely hope it isn’t...

fuck this lady

(7/10)

the second leg of Genealogy of the Holy War finds you facing the same sorts of enemies most of the time: half of them are Satanists, and the other half are unfortunate innocents trapped in the crossfire of courtly intrigue. it’s exactly because of this that the arc desperately needs a villain like Hilda.

Hilda is just someone who doesn’t particularly mind if the most effective path up the social ladder involves destroying her relatives, daughter included, or capturing children and forcing them into murder tournaments. how is the imperial machinery of tragedy and death supposed to run without someone like her cranking a couple of the levers? er, I mean, you don’t really crank levers unless you’re doing something weird, but... okay, moving on

amidst all of the battles you might struggle to feel were worth fighting, Hilda here serves as a reminder, as a face of every reason why the Empire is the enemy and must be defeated.

and yes, making Tinny kill her rocks

fuck this guy IN AMERICA

(2.5/10)

not too long ago I would have dropped him a straight zero, but I’ve recently been reading through the Project Exile text dumps for a new Thracia 776 fanslation and what can I say, they put good work into making him tick properly and I essentially have no choice but to keep that sort of thing in consideration when making the ratings, being that all of the other villains are also characters I only have indirect contact with through a translation that may have improved or worsened things.

but the good work is no miracle -- although given much-needed entertainment value, this guy is still who he is: practically a standard-fare asshole miniboss who ends up getting three whole chapters to chirp into. and to make matters worse, you only actually get the payoff to him in one of two possible routes!

I am strong, I am clever, I am handsome, and most importantly, fuck me

(4/10)

I can’t possibly deny that his antics are some of the most hilarious on this list; the ridiculous speeches, the facial expressions from the manga, the fact that he gets demoted on screen... and I mean, they got Kaiji Tang to put voice to his high drama on Heroes, on top of it all!

alas, it just really spoils the fun to a significant extent that his very introduction in Binding Blade sees him macking on a captive prepubescent girl. however entertaining it may be that she snatches his wig on that occasion anyway.

fuck this morph

(5/10)

yeah, some people wish. notably including Brendan Reed-

the thing with Sonia is that she’s a little less believable than most folks in this archetype -- specifically because she’s not, like, working within the structures of power that would let her get away with being as much of a dip as she wants to; she’s earned her influential position by seducing the boss, which is hard to buy when, however attractive she may be, she never has a single positive interaction with anyone and nobody trusts her (barring Ursula on both counts, but she’s not the one who needs to be brought on board anyway). I realize what a phenomenon it is to think with one’s dick, but come on; surely, you don’t let your new friend with benefits tell you how to do your job just because she’s that good in bed or something.

that said, although her overall spot on the plot feels weakly implemented, she still makes for a tremendous bulwark to overcome specifically within Nino’s subplot. what a powerful confrontation against a lifelong abuser she provides in the end!

do not fuck this guy what is wrong with you

(3/10)

Valter is just uncomfortable as a character, which is limbo as far as emotion-inducing goes; it’s not particularly entertaining, and nor is it artfully terrifying in the way that Orson is. furthermore, I normally praise Sacred Stones’s antagonists for averting the way of behaving like a plot device, but this guy is the exception; he seems to primarily show up to cause trouble because trouble needs to be caused.

I feel like he’d have made for a far stronger character concept if his backstory had been handled differently, being more specific in what part of his mind broke when he held the cursed lance, instead of just being “now he does bad things and talks like he’s vaguely horny throughout”.

at least he’s quite a bit entertaining in Heroes where he gets voiced lines and no particular characters or plots to interact with -- but if that’s what it takes to make the character shine, it doesn’t really say good things about him.

fuck beauty

(5.5/10)

so, the truth come out: does this guy is deserve becoming the absolute teacher’s pet he’s been since Radiant Dawn? my verdict on the matter is: not really.

I mean, Path of Radiance actually writes him into a solid niche; for all the big words he emits about being a patron of beauty, he’s ultimately just the same kind of petty, ostentatious garbage that poisons the governance of Begnion, and finally taking him down for good and all makes for an excellent dive after all the work it takes to set the light of justice on him -- not just in Day Breaks (oh gooooooooddd) but over the course of the several chapters it takes.

it’s all downhill from there, though. his appareance in Radiant Dawn is not only unecessary, but also a deviation from the established writing to focus on pallid, ineffective jokes, like someone invented Heroes writing before the thing itself happened. he fights on your side because now he genuinely cares about beauty and art to the point he’ll fight a goddess over it? yeah, that’s not who he was.

and seriously, one strongly gets the impression that, in that appearance onwards, the punchline is just supposed to be that he’s fat, bald, wordy, and has a shitty mustache -- which, besides being blatant fatphobia, is seriously stale; “it’s funny because he’s ugly” is, like, at least two random minibosses per game, usually more.

fuck the senate

(2/10)

although he jabs a lot of the buttons that should make for an entertaining and stalwart hate sink, it ends up not really working.

his narcisism lacks the performatic grandeur of the likes of Narcian; it lands as pastiche at best, and common annoying smugness at worst. and although he’s powerful and influential enough to cause a bunch of problems, he’s introduced at a weird time that fails to make his specfic capabilties relevant to opposing the protagonists, and he ends up not doing a lot more than severely inconveniencing Zelgius (who is on his team) a couple times.

at least, the battle dialogue against him in Part 4 still provides some of the most fierce drags in Radiant Dawn

fuck the valm arc

(0/10)

seriously, fuck it

but ahem, onto the guy in question: he’s an annoying waste of writing space that doesn’t seem to be intended for any reason other than making the rest of Team Bad Guy look good, plain and simple.

you might be thinking, airlock, this is the third Awakening villain you blammed in four posts, are you just biased? the answer is: yes, but even if I were being perfectly fair, let’s be real, antagonists are just not one of that game’s strengths, overall. that just happens sometimes; I can really say the same thing of like Thracia 776, y’know?

fuck playing f- yeah, okay, that’s just low-hanging fruit

(??/10)

honestly, from this distance, none of Fates’s fixed antagonists bar Anankos really give me the impression of not just being despicable pastiche, but I’m guessing he’s supposed to be the one who actually intended to take it as a niche?

so, I’m just going to assume you hated this, but how was it? are you glad it’s over, or do you regret having read it at all? we’re probably not going to be spared from one of these characters on Three Houses, but specifically how much would you like to hate the one that comes along? to be honest, your thoughts aren’t remotely as good as mine, so I wouldn’t bother replying or reblogging to share them, worm. what? you’ll do it anyway!? how dare you! do you know what I’m capable of!?

[sleepychai-fics]

Lance x Female!Reader - Realise Your Beauty

Request: Anon;  Lance x female reader where the reader has self esteem issues and Lance try’s his hardest to reassure her that she’s beautiful

this also hit me personally so i put a lot of effort and feelings into this

not that you guys should care

hopefully its enough

has some stuff about insecurities and self hate stuff so i’ve decided to put a keep reading tab for those sensitive people not that anything is wrong with you everyone deserves love and you can fight me if you think otherwise

Tag List:

@fanderrawr @thecinnabitch @dontcallmecedge

Want to be Tagged?

The dark abyss, clouded with never ending stars and non-avoidable asteroids. Planets overcome with fear of the known danger that claws at their atmosphere. Cries for help never ceasing for a moment. Ships, big and small, crashing and fighting against one another, the big ships remaining victorious and destroying the lives of others willingly.

To most, it���s the universe. But to me, it’s my mind.

That’s how I look at the universe, how I look at myself, a constant array of destruction and battles. It’s how I relate to the universe. It’s why I find myself staring at the large glass display located on the bridge.

The cold air of the castle has little effect on me, even though I am very loosely dressed, my thin night clothes being my only warmth.

The universe exhibits its undisturbed solar system we currently orbit in, freed from the chaos only days before.

That’s another similarity with me and the universe. It can be calm and quiet, with no troubling intrusions. But the next minute it can be complete chaos. A riot of struggle against the control of the abyss.

Take the past 48 hours for example; we were in the midst of a violent battle, and I was there, ready to fight against the attackers. My mind was clear of all disturbances. And now, as the universe resides in its peace, my mind is in a state of conflict.

It’s funny how life works out that way.  You can remain completely calm and focused when chaos ensues around you, yet when you’re consumed in peace, your mind is a shitstorm.

I close my eyes, taking a long, slow breath in before exhaling. I tuck my knees up to my chest, hooking my arms under them and propping my head on top. I open my eyes and resume my silent watch, lazily gazing over the various planets and stars.

Nothing can make me forget myself like the universe can. When I loose myself in the sight, I often find myself imagining the true freedom the universe contains, imagining what it’d be like to float freely within the universes, to not have to care or worry about anything. I almost forget that I’m human, and not the stardust that roams the universe.

But the universe can’t solve everything. No matter how much I loose myself in it, it does nothing compared to what human comfort does. And there’s only one person I know that can comfort me through mayhem.

“There you are. I knew I’d find you in here.”

Speak of the devil.

Lance sits down beside me, a blanket neatly folded in his lap. He’s dressed in his warm pyjamas, his night gown wrapping loosely around him. I look over to him and smile. My smile is small and holds little sincerity but lots of effort. I hardly ever let my emotions show, often covering them up with a happy façade, and it always works.

But of course he knows that. He knows better than to be fooled by my façade.

“Are you okay?

That question never affects my façade when it’s coming from others, but when it’s Lance asking the question, the façade always cracks.

I look away from him and drift my attention back to the universal view.

I feel a small wave of warmth as Lance places a hand on my bare arm.

“Holy shit you’re freezing!” Lance exclaims in surprise.

Lance drags my over to him, placing the blanket beside me and pulling me towards his lap. I comply by throwing my legs over his lap and wrapping my arms around his waist, nuzzling into his chest.

“You’re really warm.” I mutter as Lance unfolds the blankets and lays it over me before wrapping his own arms over me, completely cocooning me in his warmth.

“Warm? I thought I was hot!” Lance says with a teasing tone.

I scoff. “You are.” I reply with a hint of amusement.

Lance chuckles fondly before silencing himself.

“No seriously though, are you okay?”

This is one thing I love about Lance, whenever it comes to talking about my personal care or anything like that, he refuses to drop the subject until he is satisfied I’m content and happy.

I sigh through my nose and tighten my grip around his waist. “I don’t know anymore.” I reply in a dull manner.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The silence that overcomes the room isn’t comfortable but it’s not tense nor is it awkward. It’s…respected?

“I just…don’t feel like I belong here.”

I can practically hear Lance’s eyebrows twitch in confusion. “What do you mean?”

I lift my head out of Lance’s chest looking at him with a firm seriousness etched on my face. As expected, he looks at me with concern and slight worry.

“Lance, thing about it. You, Shiro, Keith, Hunk and Pidge are all paladins of Voltron. You play a vital role in the universe. Allura is the princess and practically has her whole life force connected to this castle. And Coran is the engineer and whatnot. Everyone on this ship has some sort of role in the universe. But what part do I play? The only reason I’m here is because you had managed to drag me onto a rooftop. Even when I try to help you guys, I always end up screwing up. Take today for example; I nearly jeopardised the whole mission! If it wasn’t for Allura and Coran, you wouldn’t even be here.”

Lance’s thumb slides across my cheek, wiping at the tears slipping from my eyes. “Hey, that’s not true-“

I cut him off as I continue my vent. “That’s not even mentioning how I feel. What part do I play here? None. The team doesn’t even need me. I don’t deserve to be here.”

“Don’t say that-“

“I don’t feel like I’m worthy enough to be here. Half the time I question whether I’m even acknowledged by anyone.”

“Now you know that’s not-“

“I mean, look at me! I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m dumb. I don’t know if I deserve to be here. I don’t know if I even deserve to live-“

Lance surges forward, lips colliding with enough force to push me to the ground, eyes closing on impact.

The blanket falls off me and lays underneath me. Lance’s nightgown drapes over his body and manages to reach the floor. His body presses against mine as I lay there, sandwiched in between the comfort and warmth.

His lip mould with mine, passion clearly prominent within the kiss. One of his hands tangles itself within my hair, gripping it and pushing me further into the kiss. The other one gently loops its way around my waist, pulling me up and pushing me flush against him. I mindlessly and reluctantly snake mine around his shoulders.

I feel tears drip down the side of my face, too lazy and tired to fight against them. I feel small drops splatter my cheeks, pooling together before finding a path down to my ears.

Lance gently nips my bottom lip before pulling away, letting my head rest on his hand. His other arm copies the movement and allows my back to lay against it. He seems to rest above me, the space between our stomachs never changing.

I open my eyes and look up at him to see small droplets pooling at the bottom of his eyes. It doesn’t take long for them to fall to my cheeks.

Lance makes quick action to remove his hand from my hair and wipe away the tears splattered and dribbling down my face.

I do the same, cupping his cheeks and wiping my thumb under his eyes.

Lances looks at me with unidentified sorrow and pain, almost like he regrets something. Maybe he regrets m-

“Don’t you ever say that, or even think about that ever again!” Lance chokes out a sob and looks away. He brings his arm up to his face and furiously wipes his eyes with his sleeve.

I stare at him in bewilderment, tears reforming at the brim of my eyes. I watch him as he leans down to me, resting his forehead on mine.

His nose presses against mine, almost nuzzling it with small motions. He opens his eyes and I can see the intense struggle in them as tears begins to shine their way through.

“(Y/n). You are so beautiful and amazing. Why can’t you see that?” I can hear the strain in his voice as his throat tightens.

“Lance, I-“

“No! Please just, let me talk.”

I stare up at him as the tears begin to take form.

Lance sighs and hastily wipes away his tears before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on my nose. He looks at me as he parts away, only moving away a couple centimetres.

“(Y/n), you are so important to me. It hurts to hear you hate yourself. I hate seeing you lonely because I know what kind of thoughts go through your head, and I hate how I know.”

My eyes water at his words, heart beating painfully at the thought. Lance gently cups my face and wipes away at my eyes.

“You have every right to belong here, with me. And maybe the team doesn’t need you but I certainly do. I can’t live without you, you’re worth everything to me.”

Lance leans down and kisses away at my eyes, kissing away the tears that had formed within seconds. Once he finishes, he lays his head on mine, noses squished against each other.

“You don’t need to change anything about yourself. If you feel overweight, which is the complete opposite of what you are, you and me can work out together. If anything, you are going to get abs.”

“That won’t ha-“

“That will happen.” Lance immediately cuts me off and glares at me sternly. “Look at Hunk. He’s technically on the overweight side but he’s strong as fuck! Even stronger than me! He’s got yellow who is the second biggest but the strongest lion of Voltron. Plus, his bayard is a huge gun.”

I smile a little at his statement and stare into his blue eyes. Lance smiles back brightly, placing a quick peck on my lips.

“And (Y/n). You are so smart. The amount of times you’ve guided me through missions is ridiculous. You help me understand where I need to go and what I need to do. You’re smarter than me.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not? What if it’s true?”

I feel my heart jump in panic at his words. “It’s not true.”

“Neither is anything you’ve just told me.” He replies.

I gasp as I realise what he just did.

“You hated how I put myself down right?” There’s no hesitation in my nod. “That’s how I feel every time you put yourself down.”

I exhale and nuzzle him with my nose. “I’m sorry Lance.”

“Don’t say sorry. Everybody has their moments, some more than others. It’s about what you and others around you do to help you. No one can fight their battles alone. Remember that.” Lance brushes away my tears and briefly presses his lips to mine.

I kiss back immediately, matching his slow and passionate rate.

“Now, let’s end this on a happy note.” Lance smiles at me, lifting his head away and sliding off of me, using his grip on me to roll me over towards him as he lays on his side.

I place a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat slightly against my fingertips.

“Name one happy thing about yourself. It can be small but I just want to know one thing you are happy about.”

I look away in thought, running through my self-description and trying to find one thing I’m happy about. Then it hits me.

I lock eyes with Lance, his eyes sparkle with hope and happiness.

I smile brightly. “I’m happy that I love you.”

Lance returns the smile and kisses me. My smile remains within the kiss, enjoying the warmth and comfort he brings.

He rolls over onto his back, sliding his hand from my back to my upper thighs, attempting to drag them over.

I oblige by swinging my legs over and laying them across his lap.

We pull apart from each other with a satisfying ‘click’.

Lance looks at me with his signature grin before sitting up from the ground. I go to move away from him but instead he slides a hand around my back pulling me closer to him.

Lance grunts as he tucks his knees in against me.

“Let’s go!”

He stands up within seconds, securing me in his arms in bridal style.

I squeal and instinctively wrap my arms around his neck.

“Where are we going?!” I ask as Lance begins to walk towards the door.

“To get a midnight snack. Because I know you haven’t eaten anything since lunch” Lance looks at me with a knowing smirk.

“Try breakfast.” I mumble.

Lance stops before the door. He looks at me with unamused shock.

“Forget the snack, we’re having a feast!” He declares before striding down the hallway with me huddled closely to his chest.

Like I said before, there’s no one person I know that has the ability to wash away my own thoughts and provide me with the comfort I need and love.