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rewolfaekilerom · 3 years

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dear diary #1

//NOTE: This was originally posted to Wordpress on 05.16.2021//

I didn’t post last week because I was busy having a life. There, I said it.

Honestly, my explanation (I’m big on explanations but not excuses these days) for why I didn’t write anything last week is that I didn’t have anything to say and I didn’t feel like taking the time to think of something to say.

Or maybe I just wanted to marinate in the joy of finishing back-to-back viewings of Ginny and Georgia.

In any case, over the past few weeks I’ve been idly brainstorming my next post, but I’ve really only come up with a hodge podge of different ideas about random things that couldn’t sustain their own full posts but that still interest me. I thought that a simple solution would be to group these things into a diary-like post where I take my usual babbling to a new level.

Off we go.

When 2021 started, I decided to set myself a few goals–resolutions, if you will. I’ve never set resolutions before (well, not really), so I figured I’d be pretty bad at setting them and even worse at keeping them. Honestly, though, I think I’ve done a pretty fair job of both–all things considered.

Let me back up a step, though, to explain why this was the year that I finally decided to set some resolutions. 2020 was quite a year for everyone, so I think that’s a fairly simple explanation. The more complicated explanation is that 2020 was a year of massive transition for me. I’ve never thought about it that way before, but I think it’s actually pretty accurate.

I started 2020 with absolutely no sense of where I’d be–literally, figuratively, whatever–after the fifth month. I knew that my contract for my then-current job would end in May and that I probably wouldn’t find a similar contract there, so I’d need to find work somewhere else. I should clarify that I 100% wasn’t upset about the prospect of finding different work; I liked that job, but it wasn’t for me, if that makes sense. Having that job and doing the day-to-day of it proved to me that it wasn’t the type of work I wanted to do for the rest of my life, so that May end-date was a welcome one. See, I spent all of grad school feeling a bit torn between two paths: one was the expected path, the path everyone seemed to idealize and expect good students to follow; the other path was certainly not uncharted, but it was a path that was less idealized by admin and faculty. I felt torn between doing what I thought was expected of me as a good student and doing what I really wanted to do–the thing I’d sort of secretly come to love during my master’s and continuing throughout the PhD. Spoiler: that second thing is the thing I’m doing now, and I think I’m pretty happy doing it.

That one-year position gave me a chance to glimpse at what that first path, that expected path, would be. It was fine, and I understand why some people idealize it, but it wasn’t for me. I worked 12-hour days 7 days a week. I didn’t take vacations and I felt guilty when I so much as took an afternoon or morning off to spend time with friends or family. The guilt was constant. I also felt incompetent 90% of the time. The guilt and the imposter syndrome was too much, especially because I knew I shouldn’t feel either. That made me feel even more guilty, so I just worked more and harder. Frankly, that summarizes my experience in grad school a bit, and it explains why I didn’t really have hobbies or do anything other that work. I like to joke that the reason I worked so relentlessly during grad school wasn’t because I’m one of the smart ones; it’s because I’m one of the dumb ones trying to look like a smart one. That’s probably not true, either, but I really am a bit of a workhorse when it gets down to it.

So, 2020: a transition year. I spent the first few months of the year (and the last few months of the previous year) applying for jobs. I had also spend the previous winter/spring (of 2019) applying for jobs. That’s obviously how I ended up with that one-year position. Well, that’s actually a longer story, but I’ll save it for another time.

When the pandemic hit the US in March 2020, I was in the middle of a few job searches. I probably had 20 job applications out, and I was actively involved in 3 or so searches. The pandemic set off a domino effect that resulted in all but a few of those searches being cancelled. My mom has described it as me standing in a hallway filled with open doors and watching as each of those doors slams shut, one by one. I was lucky, really, because one of the few doors that stayed open was the door I’d hoped would stay open. It was the door that was me-shaped; the door and I fit one another perfectly, and it let me pass through. I know how lucky I am. I appreciate how lucky I am.

I got my perfect fit. Excellent! But that also meant that I had about two weeks to move halfway across the country. Literally. I was interviewing for this job in March and April. I heard that I’d got the job on May 1, and the offer letter came by May 11. By May 17, I had found a new apartment in a new state, booked movers, started packing, and gave away my couch; I was also in the process of sorting out utilities in the new place and all the other stuff that goes along with moving. Dad drove out to me on May 24 to help with the movers. I moved into my new place during the second or third week of June, if I remember correctly. Bug and I spent around a week or two living at my parents’ house before my stuff arrived at my new place. I started work on June 1, so some of that had to happen in my parents’ dining room while I was in the middle of moving.

The move was fast. SO FAST. I basically moved in two weeks–in the gap between one job ending and the next one starting. During that time, I said socially distanced goodbyes to friends, learned that Bug has a heart murmur (we’ve since been to a cardiologist and still don’t know what it means, if anything), and packed and moved my entire apartment for the second time in a year. Bug has been with me for just under two years and we’ve lived in three different places together. It’s pretty wild. Oh, and I learned a new job. My training lasted one month–most of June 2020. By July, it was all me running the show. Wild.

The thing no one really tells you about moving during a pandemic is that everything takes longer. Summer 2020 was also the summer of protests against systemic racism and police violence in the US. The moving truck with my stuff drove through, I think, 4 or so cities while they were having massive protests. My stuff took about two weeks to arrive, which wasn’t a big deal compared to the other, much bigger things going on in the world. I just think it’s fascinating that my stuff went so many placed without me. Once it arrived, I managed to unpack pretty quickly, but any new furniture I bought took so much time to arrive because the pandemic shut down a lot of factories. For instance, I ordered my couch at the beginning of July, I think, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t have it until September. The salesperson didn’t even tell me it would take that long, so figuring that out was another huge ordeal. Oh, and when it finally arrived, only half of it came. I had to wait a week for the other half to come because . . . they only ordered me one half of a couch. Who only wants half of a sectional couch???

Transition #3 of 2020, then, was getting settled into this new life.

These three massive transitions happening all in one year was a lot. The first two happened pretty close together, and they were pretty high stakes. The third one was high stakes, too, but I knew it would take longer, so the pressure was less immediate. Even so, my anxiety was off the charts by the end of the year. I also felt a bit aimless because I didn’t have my old, familiar routines of my previous life and the pandemic made it a bit hard to establish familiar ones in my new place. I knew that the new routines I had established were temporary, but I didn’t know how long that “temporary” would last. I also wasn’t consumed with work 24/7. I definitely work more than 9-5, 7 days a week, but I work nowhere close to what I had been working in my previous job. It’s more like 9-5, 5 days a week with some hours sometimes in the evening on weekdays and maybe some hours on weekends if I want to deal with something instead of letting it go for the next business day. It works really well for me. I’m not sure I’d like a normal office job; I like the stability and flexibility of this job. I also do a million different things, which keeps me invested and on my toes, which I like.

In any case, though, I felt a bit aimless by the end of 2020 and a bit anxious because the main events of my life were pretty much focused around work. My parents visit regularly, and I have Bug, but all I really did was work and sleep.

My resolutions, I decided, were the way I’d change that. They were my way of fleshing out my life and making sure I didn’t live to work instead of working to live, if that makes sense. I thought they’d be a good way to channel my nervous/anxious energy, be productive, and challenge myself. I wanted to use my brain in different ways and tire myself out so I’d go to sleep feeling like I’d accomplished more in a day.

The thing I disliked about that expected career path was that it tended to transform the people who followed it into the jobs they do. They become their job, and their job becomes their sole source of their identities. I wanted to make sure I was more than the sum of what I did to make money, and I thought resolutions would be the way to make sure I was a person who did things other than work. I can be a bit of a work-a-holic, I guess, and I wanted frivolous activities to decompress and be a human and relax. I also needed an answer for when people asked, “oh, what are your hobbies?”

My advisor once asked me “what do you do?” And I genuinely struggled to answer him. One of my friends overheard the conversation, and we laughed hysterically about it afterward because I said the first thing that came to mind at the time–swimming. I swam competitively in high school, but I was never good. I swam competitively because I liked being in the water and the team was a way for me to get in a pool for free. My coach knew that’s why I was there, so he let me go through the motions of being on the team but also relegated me to operating stop watches and calculating points during meets. When my advisor asked me that question, though, I hadn’t swam like that for years, and I hadn’t really swam for exercise in a long time either. It was just the first thing that came to mind as a hobby I would possibly like to do if I had the time to have a hobby.

I had hobbies in high school, though. I painted pretty regularly. I also did swim team. I listened to music constantly. I crafted. I read for fun like my life depended on it. I watched TV. I did normal teenager things and then some. During college and grad school, my hobby time dried up a bit. Or, rather, that time went to other things. I listened to less music, I exercised less, I read for work so didn’t do it for fun, and I stopped doing most crafts. I picked up other hobbies that filled in the gaps, though. I did my nails in some pretty wild designs, and I did some crocheting when I found the time. But it was always “when I found the time.” I crammed me time into the gaps between being too tired to work anymore and being too keyed up to fall asleep.

Halfway through the PhD, and after one particularly bad semester where I think I gained 30 points in cheesy bread from one class alone, I decided I needed to change things because “me time” had ceased to exist. So, I set aside one hour of free time a day to exercise. I lost 30 pounds and gained a bit of confidence. Or maybe self-respect is a better term? I’m not sure what would be a good word for what I gained, but it was something. I started to feel entitled to my time. That one hour a day evolved into a dream of having nights and weekends to myself. I clung desperately to the possibility of living a “normal” life that entailed not feeling guilty for enjoying free time and not being “on” all the time. I crammed that one hour of me-time at the gym wherever I could. I started going to the gym at midday because that’s when I could fit it in during those first few months. After that, I would get up at 6am to go to the gym and then straight to my office, where I’d have breakfast and then work until 6 or 7pm. Once I got Bug, I shifted that schedule to be home more; I still exercised, but I worked from home way more often. Having her forced me to turn off and focus on her needs. She’s trained herself to come into my office at 5 and meow at me until I close the computer and go into the living room with her.

My new job afforded me the time to not be at work all the time. It afforded me freedom to leave work at work and to use my brain to do other things. But because I’d let those “other things” disappear from my life over the past decade, I didn’t really have anything to fill that time except with worrying, which probably was my only hobby for a few years.

Flip to the beginning of 2021, and I’d had enough of being anxious all the time. I was worrying constantly about things that weren’t worth worry about. I was worrying about things I couldn’t change, which is something I learned years ago isn’t worth it (I’m nothing if not sensible with my worrying), and I was worrying instead of doing something about the things I could change.

I was ambitious but also reasonable in drawing up my list of resolutions:

Watercolor-a-day

Listen to more music

Appreciate life, and maybe work on anxiety

Read for fun more

Write/journal more

Learn to crochet doilies

Play more video games

Lost some weight by eating better and maybe exercising when it’s safe

Socialize more–when it’s safe.

Honestly, I’ve stuck to that list. The watercolor-a-day thing lasted about a month, but I have been doing visual arts more often. A few times a month I’ll paint or make a card for someone or do something like that.

Listening to music has been one of the biggest challenges, believe it or not. As I mentioned, I used to be an avid music listener. In high school, I was a bit like Lane in Gilmore Girls. I devoured music and had an extensive catalog of songs and artists. I listened to a wide variety of genres and was up-to-date on trends. I was constantly discovering new artists and genres–most were new to me but had been around for a while, but I was also familiar with top 40 hits. I’ve tried to remedy this a bit by listening to the charts on Spotify, and I’ve found some curated lists that have allowed me to find new artists. I’m just struggling to remember to turn on music when I’m casually living my life. I listen to music when I can while I work, but the work I do makes it hard to concentrate when music is playing. I think this is just something I need to try harder at. I keep meaning to buy a radio, but I just want to buy other things instead.

This blog was my way of journaling more and finding an outlet for reading for fun more. It was also my way of exercising that part of my brain that is creative with words, which has been a positive experience. It’s also making me feel more appreciative for life because it’s a space where I can be reflective. I can see myself writing a sentence that’s whiny and I can think about why I’m whining and not just appreciating what I have. Trust me, I see every whine in infinitely more detail than anyone else does. I’m my best critic, so I don’t need any help.

I’ve also flitted around a bit between hobbies. I’ve tried on and off to learn a new language. I started with Czech but decided that German would be more useful for work. I actually started writing this post to procrastinate looking at German grammar lessons. I’m a bit off of the German-learning thing right now.

I’m also off of video games for the moment. I play ACNH pretty regularly, but I had also been playing BotW and New Pokemon Snap. BotW stresses me out so much that I’ve considered throwing it out. I don’t like killing things. I thought there’d be more exploration. ACNH has gotten a little dull, though I still play and am eagerly awaiting the 2.0 update–whenever that comes. NPS is great; I just have other things I’d rather do.

Those “other things” consist primarily of crocheting. This is a skill my mom taught me as a tween or teenager, probably sometime after I’d outgrown summer camp but was too young to just . . . spend the summer hanging around or working. She’s incredibly crafty, but crochet isn’t her thing. I’m pretty sure she learned it from an aunt or her mom but has always done other sorts of crafts. A lot of the other women in our family were avid crocheters, though. We have bags of doilies and table runners with crocheted lace trim that are absolutely gorgeous. During the summer between my MA and PhD, I made an afghan out of granny squares. I still have it and love it. I crocheted a tiny bear for my high-school boyfriend before he moved across the country; I’m not sure he really appreciated how much work it took, and I wish I kept it for myself because it was well made–I didn’t even use a pattern. I also picked up cross stitch and embroidery during grad school because it was cheap and fairly easy to pick up every few months for a crafting party. But crocheting is something I love doing.

I wanted to get back into crocheting, though, because I wanted to make a new afghan and to decorate my apartment with things I’ve made. I haven’t started the new afghan because I’ve been trying to decide on colors, but I have been crocheting doilies. This was something I hadn’t done before, but they’re really fun to make. They’re tough and they require way more concentration than crocheting a scarf, but they really are “ta-da” objects. They require so much skill and precision. They’re works of art, really. Making a doily is a mediative experience, honestly. They require so much concentration that all the other worries have to disappear to make room in your brain for remembering stitches and figuring out how to make the pattern work by interpreting the (often shorthand and simplistic) instructions. My first few really weren’t great, but I’ll blame the patterns. I’ve since started finding patterns from the 1950s that are excellent. A lot of the newer patterns have wacky stitches that the pattern’s designer has come up with but doesn’t explain clearly. The patterns from the 1950s and earlier rely on basic stitches with one or two unique stitches thrown in.

I’ve also started making crocheted things for friends. So far, I’ve made a Jiji doll (from Kiki’s Delivery Service) for one friend and a Baby Yoda for another friend. I like making things for friends because it’s a personal touch. I think it means so much that you took the time to make something rather than just buying it. It’s also a good way to make sure you’re giving someone something they don’t already have.

I’m on a bit of a crochet kick right now, but my focus on hobbies has gone through phases over the past few months. For a few weeks at a time I might be really eager to play video games, and then a few weeks later I’ll be focused exclusively on crocheting. Other times, all I want to do is paint. I was sewing for a while, too, but fabric is expensive. Crocheting is a nice middle-ground between working with my hands and my mind and not spending too much money. It isn’t too difficult to find pretty good yarn, and it’s not that expensive either.

So, all that is to say that 2021 has been a fuller, more grounded year so far. We’re still in the middle of a pandemic, and life is far from normal. I have a routine, but it’s a temporary one that I know will have to change eventually. That alone is difficult, but it’s also been helpful to know that some parts of my routine will stay the same even after the pandemic ends. The hobbies and me time don’t have to go away when the pandemic ends. Some of the time I devote to them may get shifted to new hobbies–I might even make new friends in this new place! But they’ll still be there. I can still set aside Thursday nights for making doilies, and I can have Saturdays for watching TV, if I want. There’s a sense of calm that comes with that knowledge. I’m glad I decided to make some resolutions this year, and I’m especially glad that those resolutions are accomplishing the things I’d hoped they would accomplish.

Oh, and I’ve been watching iZombie lately. It’s like Veronica Mars meets Dexter meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Warm Bodies. 10/10 recommend.

Okay, that’s enough for now.

XOXO, you know.

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rewolfaekilerom23 · 3 years

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dear diary #1

//NOTE: This was originally posted to Wordpress on 05.16.2021//

I didn’t post last week because I was busy having a life. There, I said it.

Or maybe I just wanted to marinate in the joy of finishing back-to-back viewings of Ginny and Georgia.

Off we go.

Transition #3 of 2020, then, was getting settled into this new life.

I was ambitious but also reasonable in drawing up my list of resolutions:

Watercolor-a-day

Listen to more music

Appreciate life, and maybe work on anxiety

Read for fun more

Write/journal more

Learn to crochet doilies

Play more video games

Lost some weight by eating better and maybe exercising when it’s safe

Socialize more–when it’s safe.

Oh, and I’ve been watching iZombie lately. It’s like Veronica Mars meets Dexter meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Warm Bodies. 10/10 recommend.

Okay, that’s enough for now.

XOXO, you know.

0 notes

travelingtheusa · 3 years

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TENNESSEE

2021 Apr 12 (Mon) – We ran a bunch of errands today. We had to get fuel for the truck and pet food. PetCo did not have Sheba’s food so we stopped at The Fresh Market to get her food and some food items for us. The store turned out to be small and didn’t have everything we wanted. So, we had to stop at Kroger to get cat food and the rest of the food we wanted. Lunch was at the Blue Plate Café. I thought the pot roast was chewy but Paul enjoyed the meal. When we returned to the campground, Paul finished up the wallpaper in the bedroom. It looks very good. Now I need a different covering on the window treatment. And, so, it starts. Lol.

Before:

After:

2021 Apr 11 (Sun) – We watched church services on Facebook. Afterward, we drove to Camping World to return a part Paul was not able to use in setting up the cell phone booster. We drove around trying to find a place to have lunch but we couldn’t find any place open and wound up just returning to the campground. Paul got to work tearing off the old wallpaper in the bedroom and putting up the new paper. It’s looking good.

2021 Apr 10 (Sat) – Bonnie is doing better. The galliprant seems to be working for her. She is still weak on her right side but she’s hardly limping. We just have to be careful not to get her off balance and make sure she goes slowly up and down the stairs. Old age sucks – for dogs as well as humans.

A fierce thunderstorm rolled through early this morning. We had storms last night from about 8 to 11 p.m. accompanied by the usual tornado warnings. The storm this morning was so strong that one lightning boom literally lifted me out of the bed. When the lightning flashed, you could see it through your closed lids. Sheba must have been going crazy!

My sister, Susan, is having surgery on her knee and asked if I could come stay for a week or two to help her out. So I called my cancer doctor to reschedule my PET scan. I was going to go home May 1 to May 12. Now it looks like I’ll be flying back on May 16 and staying through Memorial Day. Susan’s surgery is set for May 17.

We got aggravated with not being able to get online to check out campsites. We decided to buy a cell booster and drove to Camping World in Olive Branch in Mississippi (just across the border) to buy a King cell phone booster antenna. It was $499! Ugh. We also picked up two camp chairs since ours are starting to fall apart.

Lunch was going to be at the Brass Door Irish Pub in Memphis. After paying for 3 hours parking in Memphis, we walked a couple of blocks to the restaurant only to find it has been closed for the last year. We then walked back toward the truck and stopped to eat at the Blue Plate Café Downtown. That was closed indefinitely. Next door was the River Time Café. It was a tiny deli but had a robust menu. We both got sandwiches with potato salad. We had to sit outside at one of two tables. The proprietor said she was not allowed to have people in her shop. While sitting outside waiting for her to bring out our meal (it’s down south and the wait was very long), an older man came stumbling by and started talking to us. He was very difficult to understand but we understood that he was drunk and had come to get something to eat to soak the booze up. At first, I thought he was going to panhandle but he just wanted to talk. Then he went into the café and picked up his pre-ordered meal. Finally, our sandwiches came out. They were delicious. The owner also gave us a free banana nut muffin because we waited patiently for so long. That was nice.

2021 Apr 9 (Fri) – We drove to the vet this morning to drop Bonnie off. She is getting a test today to see if she has Cushings Disease. She has had increased thirst, difficulty walking with a weakness on her right side (especially the back leg), and it seems like she has to pee more often. Could be age related. It might not. They will give her a shot of cortisol and check her blood at 8 a.m., noon, and 4 p.m. If she makes more cortisol then she’s got the disease. If she doesn’t make more cortisol, then she doesn’t have Cushings. We have our fingers crossed.

After dropping her off (we had to wait outside for someone to come get her – they’re not letting anyone inside), we went to the Blue Plate Café for breakfast. It was a cute little place, bright and inviting. The food was very good, too.

Next stop was at Lowe’s. Paul peeled the wall covering off in the bedroom. It’s been coming off almost from the day we bought the camper. Now we are looking for a new wallpaper. We found a pattern we like. We’ll see how it looks.

We made a quick stop at the Fresh Market. I am out of Vitamin C and looking for more. We thought it was a health food type store but it was just a regular supermarket. I picked up a few items but no vitamins.

When we got back to the campground, we drove over to the Chucalissa Village in the park. It is an area where Choctaw tribes lived there hundreds of years ago. There is a mound and a replica house built on the site. A small museum tells the story of the area, both of the park itself and of the inhabitants who lived here. The old site was actually discovered by CCC workers who were building a pool for the first all Negro park in the state. It is now run by the University of Memphis.

At 4:45 p.m. we drove back into town to get Bonnie. The vet came out to talk to us. She said the test was negative. Bonnie does not have Cushings Disease. She couldn’t see any reason for her leg problems and surmised that it is arthritis. She told us to continue with the Galliprant and bring her back if things get worse.

We found something very fascinating. It is a Smart Mart. It’s like a new version of the automat. You pull up, touch a screen, shop for different grocery items, pay and your items are given to you in a big drawer. There was a delivery truck there filling up the mart when we stopped.

2021 Apr 8 (Thu) – We wanted to go to the Cotton Museum but it was closed due to the pandemic. We then drove to the National Ornamental Metal Museum. Although their website said they opened at 10 a.m., they were closed with a sign out front saying they open at 11 a.m. So we drove around Memphis for an hour. Saw Beale Street (Home of the Blues) in its quiet state; i.e. with no partymakers at night. Paul says they are trying to be like New Orleans. I don’t think so. New Orleans is different. It is the place for jazz music. Memphis is blues music. The city is confusing with lots of closed off streets for renovations or construction. As you get further outside the city, the buildings are old, dilapidated, spray painted with graffiti. Many homes have bars on the windows and doors.

We tried to go to the Mississippi River Museum but it wasn’t where Trip Advisor said it should be. We stopped at the Visitors Center and were told they moved the museum to Mud Island and it has been closed for the past year and a half. We went back to the Metal Museum and they were open. The most delightful part of the tour was the exhibit by international artists. They took a 155mm steel bar and made all kinds of things from it. It was fascinating to see how imaginative people can be.

After the Metal Museum, we drove to the post office and dropped off all the envelopes we prepared. Then we went to the Bass Pro Shops Giant Pyramid for lunch at Uncle Bucks Restaurant. They have rooms up on the second and third level. So the store is also a hotel. Paul bought a flannel shirt. We looked for new camp chairs but couldn’t find what we wanted.

On the way back to the campground, we stopped at Kroger Supermarket and picked up some groceries. The camp host told us that the campground will be full this weekend. Although many RVs have come in, it is not full. Either he can’t count or some of the campsites are not usable. Whatever.

2021 Apr 7 (Wed) – We spent the day working on the mass mailing for SMART. There were 32 duplicate addresses and 32 companies that did not have envelopes. I typed labels for the missing companies and stuck them over the duplicate addresses. Saved a lot of work (Paul’s suggestion). We finished folding the letters, inserting them in the envelopes, and putting the return address labels and stamps on all the envelopes. We just have to deliver them to the post office.

The vet called this morning. Bonnie’s liver enzymes are high. She thinks Bonnie might have Cushings Disease. We will drop her off at the vet on Friday so they can do some tests. In the meantime, Bonnie is having a very difficult time walking. She fights getting up if she doesn’t have to. We have resorted to using the special stairs we bought for our last dog to help her get in and out of the trailer easier. It seems to be helping Bonnie.

We packed up the trailer today and Paul drove over to the dump station to empty the tanks. I sat at the campsite with Bonnie because she was in too bad shape. It took him 20 minutes then he was back and we got all hooked up again. Good for another week.

2021 Apr 6 (Tue) – We took Bonnie to the vet this morning. We had to sit outside while they took her inside. The vet called on the phone and we talked about Bonnie’s history and issues. She didn’t find anything obvious wrong with her foot. Thinks it might be arthritis. She took blood and will call us tomorrow.

We left the vet and went looking for a fast food place for lunch. We stopped at a Burger King. There were six cars on line in front of us but were still on line for over half an hour. It was the slowest fast food joint I’ve ever been to! The junior whoppers were small and the fries were not even warm. At least Bonnie enjoyed her burger.

We went back to Office Depot to pick up the copies. The service – again! – was so damn slow. When the clerk finally waited on me, she asked if I had gotten an email saying the project was ready. I replied that it was agreed upon yesterday that I would be back today. With a sigh, she went to search on the shelves. After about 5 minutes, she found my print job.

When we got back to the campground, Bonnie’s back leg was giving out on her. She could barely walk and kept sitting down and refusing to move any further. I called the vet to ask if she had examined Bonnie’s other legs or just her hurt foot. After some discussion, the vet said we’d wait to see what the bloodwork shows. The results should be back tomorrow.

I took the mailing list I got from the Muster Master (who got it from the Chamber of Commerce in Shawnee, Oklahoma) and struggled through printing 360 envelopes. Our printer is not a high capacity printer. It took me hours to get them all printed. The program kept shutting down and I would have to restart it. In the meantime, Paul started folding the letters to insert in the envelopes.

2021 Apr 5 (Mon) – The cell service at this campground is sooooo bad! Even my phone isn’t working right and often drops to 3G with one bar. It drops calls like crazy. Getting on anything beyond standard email with the laptop is almost impossible. Twelve days of this will be maddening.

We drove to CVS to get Paul’s first COVID-19 shot. On the way, we got an email saying his appointment had been cancelled. We decided to just go in anyway and play dumb. It worked. Old people and technology is a recognized disability. Lol.

After the drugstore, we drove to Olive Garden to get lunch. It appeared that they were repairing fire damage. Nothing to eat there. We then tried another restaurant but it looked too high class. We stopped at Seasons 52 Grill, which looked moderate from the outside but once we got inside – va, va, va, voom! Very expensive. We spent over $100. Oh, well, what’s money for except to spend? The lunch was excellent.

We drove over to the Agricenter to look at the campground. We will be going there after the rally in Arkansas and wanted to check out the best entry point. It has a large campground but the spaces are a little too close. Oh, well. It will be home for Paul when I fly back to New York next month.

We stopped at Office Depot to drop of letters for copying. I volunteered to be the Administrative Chairperson for the SMART 2021 National Muster. One of my jobs is soliciting donations. So I drafted a letter and attachment, got approval, then brought it to Office Depot to make 365 copies of each one. I also gave them copies of return address labels to make up. I don’t if it’s a “down south” thing, but the service was so frickin’ slow. We were there almost an hour just to drop off the originals. I said I’d be back tomorrow to pick up the copies.

Bonnie has been favoring her front, right paw. She started limping on it yesterday so I called a vet today and made an appointment to bring her in tomorrow. The paw got worse over the day and now you can see her paw is swollen. Hope they can figure out what’s wrong and fix it.

2021 Apr 4 (Sun - Easter) – We managed to dial into the church service this morning. It’s nice to be able to share the service with our congregation back home.

I walked around the campground today. Most the campsites are empty. A lot of campers left today. I would have thought they’d stay for the weekend. Guess I was wrong. We stayed in today. Paul repaired the AC and we did the laundry. It was a very nice day. The trees are a brilliant green and the buds are in full bloom. The sky was an incredible blue and the temperature reached the high 60s. It was a beautiful Easter day. We got to skype with both Travis and Miranda. That make the day perfect!

2021 Apr 3 (Sat) – We wasted 20 minutes this morning trying to get the Sunday service streaming on the iPad before we realized it was Saturday. Lol. There are not nearly as many RVs in the campground as I thought there would be. Over half left today. I have never seen so many tiny trailers in the campground at a time. There’s a teardrop trailer, an A-Line pyramid shaped camper, a Scottie, a couple of tiny trailers, and several tents.

The day was pleasant. It started out cold in the 40s but warmed to the mid-60s. The sky was clear and a brilliant blue and there was hardly any wind. There was a terrible odor in the air. At first, we thought it was the smell of campers dumping their tanks but it lingered too long. There must be a waste plant somewhere nearby.

2021 Apr 2 (Fri) – Sure was glad we had that electric blanket on last night! We are under a freeze warning for a few days. We drove back down to Southaven, MS to get dog food at Petco and cat food at Kroger. Picked up some people food, too, while we were at it. Stopped at Southaven RV Super Center where Paul was able to buy a replacement for a broken part in the AC. Not that we need AC right now, but (hopefully) soon. It also operates the heat pump, which we DO need right now. We have been keeping warm enough with the fireplace, the furnace, and a small electric heater. On the way back, we spotted a pup up on the side of the highway. We stopped and shooed it away. Down the embankment, the mama dog and two other pups were skittering around. They were clearly unowned canines. We were glad we could chase the pup off the roadway and keep it from getting run over.

We stopped at Memphis BBQ for lunch. The meal was not that good. Paul’s pulled pork was bland and my burnt tips were dry. The restaurant was very busy and service was understandably slow.

The day turned out to be nice although the temperature never got out of the 50s. The skies were clear and deep blue. We’ve been watching RVs come in all day. This is a holiday weekend and the campground is going to be full.

2021 Apr 1 (Thu) – We packed up and left Fulton, MS at 10 a.m. It was 135 miles to Memphis, TN. We are staying in the T.O. Fuller State Park Campground. There are lots of woods around and plenty to see in Memphis. The sites have a good amount of space between them. The roads and campsites are asphalt. We have electric and water hookups. We will have to go dump after a week because there is no sewer hookup and we won’t be able to last 12 days without filling the tanks.

It got real cold last night and we pulled out the electric blanket. Imagine! Needing the electric blanket down south in April. We watched the Holy Thursday service from our church streaming on Facebook. We also facetimed with Paul’s sister, Joan, about our cruise to Australia in January.

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donaldresslerfanfic · 7 years

Text

Cake Pop Lady.

Rating: M

Warnings: Strong Language, Sexual Content.

Word Count: 2322

Donald Ressler X OC Maggie Waters.

Chapter: Thirty Five.

Chapter Index

Story on Wattpad

Maggie.

I didn't wanted to get up as early as Don had gotten up to. I knew why his Mondays started suspiciously early, and this one wasn't any different. He had the commission thing at 9 but he was up and at it at six. Again, I knew why. His NA meetings were Mondays.

I don't know if he knew I knew he still went, because even I thought he had stopped going, that he thought he was too good for them. That wasn't the case, he'd been clean for almost two years now and ever since I detoxed him he attended the meetings.

I felt the bed sink in next to me, then Don's hand crawl up from my waist to the side of it. He leaned in and gave me a kiss on my jaw, then moved down to my neck.

"Remember the commission is at 9, hopefully I'll be done before lunch, I don't know how long it's going to take but I'll take a taxi now and you can come pick me up then"

"Okay" I groggily replied, feeling another kiss on my neck, then the bed move again as Don got off it and walked out.

I was about to drift to sleep for another hour or so when I heard my coffee machine start, it was an expresso machine and thus, it needed to be manually handled, meaning: someone was in my kitchen.

I stood up and walked down, thinking maybe Don was going to miss the meeting to get in time to the commission.

Donald wasn't in my kitchen, it was Raymond. Drinking from a little cup the coffee from the expresso machine and eating some croissants Don knew I liked, which I why he always brought them for me on the way back from his morning run.

He slid a cup to me as I fixed my hair a little.

"I'm planning on going back to bed, thank you" I said humorlessly "and yes, Ray, you can totally eat one of my croissants"

He chuckled and cleaned his fingers with a tissue.

"I need to speak with Agent Ressler"

"Too bad, he's not here"

"Then where?"

"Why do you want to talk to him?" I sat down in the stools near him.

"Agent Keen is being targeted by an assassin I'm sure the bureau would like to have behind bars"

I just sighed and crossed my arms over the table.

"He's in a meeting, NA meeting. It's a few blocks away from the White House, in Cardozo I think" I said reluctantly.

"Thank you" he replied shortly, then searched in his jacket and pulled out a piece of paper. "There's a building in downtown DC that I need you to check out." He took a little piece of paper and handed it to me "it's an office building, it's the sixth floor I'm interested in. I need you to go there and inspect it thoroughly. Walls, floor tiles, accomodations, even the brand of tea the secretary drinks"

I just took the paper and sighed.

"We're close from finishing Maggie, I appreciate your help"

I nodded again and felt a tap on my shoulder as Raymond walked behind me and exited my house from the French doors of my back yard.

I took a shower and dressed up to go out and do this thing for Raymond. Might as well get it all over with before having to go and pick up Don.

The office building wasn't tall compared to the ones around, 20 stories, quiet side of town. Clearly old since the lobby was really marmoly. I climbed up the elevator to floor six with a purse to my wrist and my phone in my hand, opened on the camera app and taking photos of everything.

Senior year Drama Class don't fail me now.

"Hello" I leaned into the desk, measuring it's height with mine. "I need an appointment with Dr. Huffnaggel please"

The desk was made out of refined light brown wood, PVC exterior, on the other side there was a computer, the usual office supplies, no personal effects which was good, a chair in which the secretary was sitting on.

She looked up at me and gave me a warm smile.

"Yes of course, what's the motive of the consultation?"

"My uh" I pretended to sutter. The walls were pale white, the letters of the office behind the secretary read "Dr. Oren Huffnaggel, marital therapy and counselment." I had to get a good look at those to make out the font.

"My husband has just been admitted to the army and-" I still had it, I covered my mouth while tears striked down my eyes. "I'm just so anxious and I can't stoop thinking he's going to die" I whispered at the end. I quickly cleaned up my tears and gave her a weak smile "sorry, it's just been too hard for me, I haven't slept a full night in days and-" thank God she interrupted me, because I was running out of things to say

"Why don't you take a seat and I'll get you some water"

I nodded while she motioned and the seats behind me. As soon as she was out of sight I shamelessly took pictures of the place, the doors, the lights, the floor tiles, the couch, taking a closer one to get the fabric right, the decorations and such.

I sat down when I heard the click of heels coming back to the reception area and waited for the secretary to hand me a glass of water. I gave her a thankful nod as I took a little sip, then watched her go around the desk and write something down a paper. She doubled back and handed me a little card

"Given the urgency of the situation in can set up an emergency appointment at 10, how does that sound?"

I let out a little sigh of relief and took the paper

"Yes, that sounds amazing, thank you so much..." I waited until she told me her name

"Dorothy, and it's no problem. I'll see you tomorrow" she gave me a sweet smile and returned to the desk when another person came in. I left the glass in a side table and stood up.

Perfect, I could review the pictures today and tomorrow I could come back and settle some things if I'm not sure.

It was still early for me to go back home so I got to work. I printed the pictures, then headed to one of the providers Gina had when it came to costume made furniture. I spent maybe an hour looking through samples of fabric to get the one in the couches look the same, then I headed to the paint shop and got the colors for the walls outside and inside, the tiles were difficult because they were this hideous green and I didn't know if I'll be able to get the right pattern.

While moving from a shop to another I got a call from Don, saying that he was good to go. It was well pass lunch time but I was still hungry.

I drove down to the White House and parked a few blocks ahead, switching seats while I waited. Don liked to drive.

He came around a few minutes later, opening the door and handing me a little bag while he took a seat.

"What's this?" I said peaking inside.

"I don't know, it's one of those YOLO bags"

I laughed, throwing my head back a little, he chuckled a bit too. He could be really funny when he wanted to.

"You mean a swag bag?" I said between chuckles.

"Yeah one of those" he cut the corner and began driving "don't eat anything of it though, it might be poisoned" he playfully warned.

"Well, I'm hungry so might as well" I fished something out of the bag and gasped "I freaking love cake pops, you have no idea." I unwrapped the cake pop and gave it a bite. I hummed in content and looked at Don. He looked a little upset "you okay?" I said, touching his arm.

"We'll see. For now, Hamilton, Equinox? Where do you want to eat?"

"Au Bon Pain" I named, digging in the bag again.

There was only one spot in a side high table which we took, I ordered a César salad and Don ordered a turkey sandwich, and since it was lunchtime rush hour, we got served fast.

"So, how did it go at the thing?"

"I don't know, the Director and I stated out cases and-"

"The director of what?" I asked, stirring my salad around.

"The Director of Clandestine Services, who is also a member of the Cabal. I think he's the one Reddington has been targeting this whole time"

"Mmm" I hummed and nodded "and then what?"

"And then, Laurel Hitchin will take the case to the President and give us his decision"

"And she's what of the President?"

"She's the National Security Advisor"

"Is she the cake pop lady? Is that why you said they might be poisoned?" I joked, he smiled and looked up at the TV. Frowning, he took his phone out of his inner pocket and dialed.

I looked up and watched the screen above us. The Breaking News were about Liz Keen being shot and killed during an FBI raid that clearly hadn't happened under Don's approval. He said a few words on the phone, then hung up and turned back to his meal.

"That's not true right?" I asked, referring to Agent Keen.

"No, it's not. Navabi has been trying to reach me to get my opinion on how we will handle this new case Reddington gave us, seems like they did a good job."

"You've got a good team A.D Ressler" I teased, making him smile and finally look at me.

He'd been really distraught today and I had gotten so used to having him over me all the time, now that I had gotten nothing all day, I missed it.

I reached out and ran the back of my hand on his cheek, making him lean his head to the side and place a kiss on my hand.

"Hi" I said with a smile. He took my hand and gave it another kiss.

"I have a lot on my plate today" he said in an apologetic way. I gave him a little smile and nodded

"I know" I replied. He leaned in to give me one short kiss before standing up and clearing our bill.

While we walked out, hand in hand, I spoke up, making noise over the little uncomfortable silence.

"I was thinking to invite my sister this weekend, you know, I have to set up the guest bedrooms and such. I'm trying to keep myself occupied you know, since my boyfriend is never home"

When we were getting close to the car he pulled me by the hand and made my chest bump up to his, leading his hands to my waist.

"Your boyfriend is never home? Sounds like a real douchebag" I chuckled and led my hands to his neck

"He might, but he catches baddies for a living and looks very hot doing so. He's a keeper"

He smiled again, looking down at my lips and leaning in to kiss me slowly. He finished off with another kiss on my forehead and unlocked the door of the car.

"Want me to drop you off somewhere?" He asked. I climbed on the passenger seat and twisted my eyebrows at him.

"It's my car, so I'm dropping you off somewhere and move along with my business. I have a lot on my plate as well"

He snorted a little laugh and turned the engine on.

I knew he knew I was working with Raymond, and it was a little weird that he didn't ask. But I was relieved as well, I really didn't like lying to him.

That night he was not at all happy. As soon as I saw him walk to the kitchen where I was and tore off his tie, I worded myself carefully.

"Cake pop lady screwed you over?"

"Damn right she screwed me over, he set me up to work with the Director. Share Intel. He wants Liz and Reddington dead, and having him there while we're still in touch with them is going to make me give explanations I don't want to give. Everything Reddington is doing-"

"I'm going to stop you right there" I rudely interrupted "I'll listen, but first. Have you ever seen anything like this?" I pulled out a picture from a Manila folder and showed it to him. It was a statue of a stupid horse I had to get.

"No" he said a little upset "Maggie this is-"

"Important, I know, which is why I got the unimportant stuff out of the way. Now sit, I'll listen" I motioned at the stool next to me

While he sat down I turned off the computer and closed it, watching as how he unbuttoned his shirt and sighed.

I stood up and placed my hand on his forehead, moving it sideways and messing up his hair a little. He pulled my by the waist while I rounded his shoulders with my hands.

"You've been doing great. And you're being forced to work and to trust people you don't want to. I'm confident in you Donnie, I know you'll pull through this"

I hugged him and made him rest his head on my shoulder as I ran my hand on his neck, putting a little pressure on the side of his spine, he was really tense and knotted up all over.

After a while he placed a kiss on my neck and pulled the computer closer to him.

"Here, I'll help you find that stupid horse"

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