#and also I think I accidentally overwrote a shot I worked on for 3 hours. killing myself

[francy-sketches]

I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life

[hermioneclone]

I don’t know what it is about July, but it makes my writing juices flow.

It about a decade ago, when I found a summer writing challenge which I thought was associated with NaNoWriMo, but, I found out when they stopped doing it, it wasn’t. The first year, I had just finished high school and a senior year that I missed big chunks of because of a mystery illness that was attributed to stress (which I wonder about now, knowing what I know about women’s symptoms being dismissed, but I seem to have things somewhat under control...). I was recovering and going off to college in the fall, and I needed to prove to myself that I could take on a task and see it through. I’d been writing fic for several years at that point, and I’d been working on the fic I wrote that year for at least 2 years by then. I thought I’d finish the story then. 

I hit the word count goal of 50,000. I won’t say it was easy (it never is), but I’ve always managed to do it, except for the time when I tried doing it during grad school, which was a BIG mistake. But the story wasn’t done.

I went off to college, didn’t have time to work on it. I then drifted away from harry Potter, I found Glee and Klaine and it took over my world for the next 3-4 years. Sometimes I worked on it, and I think I did work on it at least one July during that time, though I know I did a lot of one shots compiled together to hit the word count. 

Still, no matter what, I kept coming back to this fic. Especially after Glee ended, and I failed to get quite so attached to a new fandom, I drifted back to my Harry Potter roots and returned to the fic. I didn’t get a lot done during this time because of grad school, but I occasionally did some work here and there, tried starting an outline to get a grasp on the plot so when I did work on it I could have a road map. I never finished this either.

At one point I tried doing some edits. I’d cleaned up a few things, did a bunch of work, maybe added a bit of new stuff. And then accidentally overwrote it with a 3 page one shot (and did the same for my backup!). Luckily I managed to find a version that wasn’t too old, I mostly only lost my edits, but I was crushed. But I plugged on, not really ever expecting this fic to end.

Last summer, for the first time in a few years, I could spend a July writing. I was only working one job by then, having saved up enough to cut back on my hours so I could focus on looking for work. I typed fanfic in between my resumes and cover letters. I was in the library working on my fic when I took a break and saw that my now boss looked up my LinkedIn. A year later, I have a job in a place I could have only ever dreamed of getting into in an office with lovely people who actually treat my like an adult. 

It’s warm but in the nice, summer way, not the oppressive humidity of a few days ago. The heat must bring out the words. I sat down today, meaning just to figure out where I needed to start, and suddenly I was off and had almost my word goal for the day. Later I did the same thing and added almost a thousand words. Usually when I sit and write it’s a struggle getting 500 words out in a sitting. I don’t know what magic is in July that changes things for me, but I love it.

I haven’t been posting much fic the past few years since I’ve been trying to finish this story. I just was on my Ao3 answering reviews from the past three years. I feel bad for waiting so long (thanks anxiety!) but it was so nice to read them and I got really excited about writing and fanfiction in general. I’m also coming to a better understanding of my strengths, which I hope will serve me well when I return to the original story I’ve started.

This year, I just might finish the fic I started over a decade ago. It will be a mammoth, and will take ages to edit. I don’t know what I’ll do when it’s finished, though I have some one shot ideas in the ‘verse that I can’t do until this is finished. I’ve lived in this world for about a third of my life, I don’t know what comes next.

At the same time, I cannot wait to share this story with the world. It’s been mine for so long, and I want to make it ours. It will be a while still, but I am looking forward to that day.

Fanfiction has been such a big part of my life. It helped me learn how to type and made 25 page papers manageable. I’ve learned that I love playing in other people’s sandboxes and there’s nothing wrong with that. I love the people I’ve met through my stories and theirs. I’m so glad that I got over the idea (supporting in a one time apparent waning interest) that I was growing out of the genre. I’m loving it more as I get older, I love taking this fic I started as a child and giving it an adult’s perspective and polish. I love seeing my life in the lives of the characters I write.

But that’s enough about me. I have a story to finish.