#and also the way that my mom actually tries to invite my cousins..... she doesnt even wanna speak abt them now. bc theyre gay.

[minglana]

i was just reading some diaries that my mom wrote when i was little, where she was just writing to me about stuff we/i did when i was little. and i got so emotional....little does she know im gay and she probably would disown me if she knew🤪

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 2, 2019 // making the call

saved the last 2 minutes of this ep for tomorrow to keep on track so heres this

-i just realized laura never asked about the drive before she left last ep. wonder if she'll come back in s3 after tiffanys info finally comes into play

-"do you want to tell me why you think he'd be going after ryan?" wonder if carson thinks is joshua suspected the truth or found out about lucy having a baby and now hes all panicked

-"girl what is on your head??" 😂

-"it might help my dad's case" soooo i love how she said this. like. shes framing it so she can relate what she has to do to others. like she has to justify or give some reason for inviting someone else. she could have just said "im going if u want to come" but instead has to draw focus to her problem first, which is the only reason shes extending an invitation, if it relates to her own problems

-i wonder what lucy dying in the water has influenced her in telling nancy to call the agleaca. wonder if the agleaca found her and helped channel her spirit to apparition form. maybe she saw how lucy died "for love" wonder if the agleaca thought she was a fool or not for it. wonder if lucy would be strong enough to fight something like the agleaca, judging by simon probably not. it would have been cool to see a showdown between them or to watch lucy try to protect nancy from the beyond 😌 maybe the agleaca trying to take owen was her trying to give a warning? she was actually trying to "help" a la lucy/george's prediction was correct. sadly, we'll never know

-LOVE bess sitting criss cross on the bartop 😂and love the bess/owen cousins' call 🙏🏻💙

-this convo nancy has w owen at the police station reminds me of the kidnapping ep. when nick tries to help nancy she shoots him down. he tries to reason w her but unsuccessfully. what exactly is owen doing/saying differently? or is this just a reflection of how much nancy actually likes him? im just interested in the contrast. nick and owen both have calm, logical approaches. theyre both honest about wanting to be there for her. maybe the subject matter? in response to gombers warehouse nick was talking about facing old fears, which nancy definitely did do. but since nancy is primordially uninterested in discussing feelings, that was a no go. i think nancy even telling owen she was tracking a biotech ceo was a hugeconcession for her. or was it just because nick was inaccessable sexually but owen had potential? ¿ questions.

-LOVE owen side-eyeing nancy at this hilarity if a convo (and fucking Chad?? lmaoooo he is sostupid enough to fall for this probe)

-"i have to admit, that was kind of fun" / "i cant remember the last time i had this much fun" / "almost as fun as a real fight"

-"i got a D in french" well george if u retake it now you'll get a P instead 🤪

-"theres one more thing" so am i stupid or?? whats the second thing nick and ace have to tell her at the police station? that karen signed the form? bc nancy already figured that out so im confused.

-so karen in the security video is wearing the sweet purple pantsuit from the garden party ep which i checked the dates and yeah its about a month ago from today

-"i know the system favors the privileged" just imagine karen working her way up to detective as a young woman haunted by pain. and then her meeting the drews and nancy and having her remind karen of lucy, her cleverness, her spirit, but not knowing why. it just sucks bc in a male dominated field karen was trying to get justice and do good and then this happens

-"you tore two families apart" nancy's and tiffany's but this quote also applies to lucy's death tearing apart lucy's family (with her mom and josh) and ryan's (d/t not knowing nancy is his)

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: karen/josh - hatefuck- reuniting somehow (how did they reconnect? who called who?) when he gets back in town, come up with a plan, start an affair d/t their shared pain over lucy? then she fucks around with carson? why go there?

-"i loved your mom like a sister" / "i'm just glad my mom's not around to see who you've become" x2 now that we know the truth all these statements from karen especially just get heavier. like what bad luck to bond with two strong women who have to leave you like this (karen is a unique foil to nancy where they both have a connection to kate and lucy each)

-when ace says "i know nancy" thom just has this look on his face like "....oh youre in deep. sigh"

-hannah's disappearances "maybe she has nancys work ethic" in s2 she was shown out and about doing stuff and we know her burns were supernaturally caused but i wonder if hannah herself dabbles in anything else thet keeps her busy 🤔

-"300 pages about men and women get 2 pages in the back" 🙃preach

-i hate how in s2 they all forget this convo of nance literally saying "i cant ask you guys to do this" when they all blame her for every ill that ever happened ever

-THIS BITCH JUST PUTS HER BARE ASS HANDS ON HIS FUCKING OPEN WOUNDS???

-and it's snowing? in october? but only where they are by this part of the ocean?

-wait how does owen know bess sleeps in a van and does nothing about that?

-kissy faces😘😘see owen willing to meet nancy where shes at is soooo important. like him having his secret apartment in the city 👌🏻even tho she rejects him taking her out like he always wants he doesnt mind that he cant. hes not like nick- he doesnt mind being kept quiet (until bess's accidental reveal) his acceptance of her boundary there actually keeps him closer to her

and lastly

-george liking nick is so cute

[kathillards]

rangerstop day two

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS SHOUTED US OUT AT THEIR PANEL AZIM TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WHO MET BECAUSE OF POWER RANGERS AND POINTED AT US AND THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS ALL CHEERED AND TOLD US TO STAND UP OH MY GOD

uhhh sorry how do i move on from that how do i even think about anything else. the panel room was CROWDED people were FILMING kat and tabby had gone up to ask questions (which were HUGE hits) and come back and sat down AND THEN AZIM SAID THAT in the middle of a question about. i dont even fucking remember. something about what great community values power rangers has or something? and i guess we were related to power rangers being a community or whatever but bitch. BITCH. he said it and like pointed at us and they all started clapping (this sounds fake as hell i know BUT THERES VIDEO PROOF SOMEWHERE???) and everyone turned to look at us and we were like hi and then like two minutes later azim went “oh wait i have to make a correction, its not a group of girls its three girls and one guy because i think abigail isnt here? right?” and we were like ya so uh moral of the story... azim rizk i would murder ten hundred men for you

ok other things happened too, this will probably not be in chronological order bc i cant think right now 

- mike ginn stopped when he saw me and looked for tabby who was hiding behind me when she saw him and he looked around for tabby and did his pointing thing again and it was so cuuute

- kat was talking to christina about how we avoided the cast all day yesterday and she was like “yes but i saw you anyway ;) and i was wondering when you’d come over to say hi!” shes so CUTE and then they talked about her rescue puppy and she was so happy to talk about her puppy

- ciara and christina made ben sign the art presents he gave them, ciara did it first and christina was like OMG WHY DIDNT YOU AUTOGRAPH MINE and made him sign hers too

- christina and i did a WHOLE photoshoot we did a normal pic then a silly pic but then she didnt like so we did a kissy face pic and she was like “oh i think i did a duck face” and im like thats ok so did i AND OUR PICS ARE SO CUTE AND SHE HUGGED ME SO TIGHT I. WOULD. DIE. FOR. YOU. CHRISTINA. MASTERSON.

- selwyn called tabby his girlfriend when i showed up without her he was like “wheres my girlfriend” bc he remembered us from last night and then she came over and he was like THERE YOU ARE and gave her a free selfie (and signed her space dvd with “tj is the real leader of in space” but refused to X out andros’ face bc that was mean) and he covered up najee’s face on her kevin t-shirt and then was upset bc it looked like he was touching her chest and tracy lynn laughed at him over it AND THEN HE TOLD US TO COME TO THE TGIF IN THE HOTEL AFTERWARDS BC THE RANGERS WERE GONNA GO THERE AND GET DRUNK AND HE INVITED US TO HAVE DRINKS W/ HIM but we stood him up because... we are tired... he was like “yeah we have this stupid vip dinner but like we’re gonna try to leave early and just go get fucking smashed” and we were like ur so valid selwyn. i love you.

- kat showed azim my tweets defending megaforce and he had to put the phone down to run his hands through his hair and be like “wow that was such a specific takedown” and kat was like “yeah she just says this shit all the time bc shes seen megaforce five hundred times” and he was like “she was so detailed though she didnt just say ‘you suck’ she put THOUGHT into her takedowns” 

- (later when he signed my super megaforce green print he called me “my sista in social media smackdown!!!” complete with that many exclamation points)

- brennan said “i like your hat” to ben five times and he also signed tabby’s as well with his three catchphrases (she asked for him to write “awesome!” and he was like “i had more lines than that....”) he also told us he and the dino charge team were invited back for a dc/nsteel teamup but they kept cancelling them bc of budget reasons till it was just him and yoshi and he was finally like “i told them to just bring yoshi back because like thats his brother” and i was like “but then they didnt even INTERACT” and he was like “i KNOW”

- tabby’s tracy story: she asked tracy if it was uncomfortable fighting in crop tops and short skirts and tracy said “it wasnt uncomfortable but it was hard to not show everything” and she was like “idk why a power ranger would dress like that” and tabby told her ashley should have her own fashion line of athletic wear for fighter girls and tracy was like YES and tabby said she should have been leader of turbo bc she was into cars and tracy said that when they told her that ashley was gonna have a car plot she was like “ew no i dont want to touch greasy car oils” but that she was happy that ashley got to challenge herself

- kat was standing around azim the entire morning and he was introducing her to everyone who came up to him like she was his handler and at one point accidentally implied that she was his girlfriend and kat was like no im not and he was like “oh whoops it did kinda sound like that...” and his actual handler was like “why did u correct him” and kat was like “NO I LOVE HIS GIRLFRIEND” 

- when i was taking my pics w/ the megaforce cast and andrew was the sweetest angel and he kept making poses over my shoulder while i giggled and then he asked me for a hug and KISSED MY CHEEK and hugged me so tight and was like “love you guys” I WOULD DIE FOR YOU ANDREW GRAY

- john mark is literally the funniest person alive and he was constantly going around the megaforce booth when we were there like (to ben when he was giving art to ciara and christina) “WHERES MINE” and to me when i was having them sign my megaforce prints “WHERES MINE” hes so funny and i love himmm

- ciara was signing my prints but she got distracted when we asked about her dogs and she stopped and opened her phone and started showing us pics and videos and she was soo happy to talk about her dogs too and then we took our pic and checked it to make sure it looked good and tabby was like “you look gorgeous” and she was like “we BOTH look gorgeous” i cannot believe. AND THEN she threw in a group photo for FREE and we all got in there

- kat was telling us and azim about some douchebag vendor who was like hitting on her and inviting her to an afterparty and was like “are you over 21″ when she was just trying to look at his spd toys and azim was literally “which guy. where. where is he.” HE WAS GONNA KILL THAT GUY FOR KAT HE LOVES HER

- we somehow got on the subject of azim SHAVING HIS BEAUTIFUL BEARD and he was like “oh well we went to the make a wish foundation to meet kids and the beard scares them so i had to shave” and i was like “thats racist” and he was like nooo but u could tell his mind was blown and i was like “cameron didnt shave” and he was like “well cameron is white” and i was like SO YOU ADMIT ITS RACIST and he laughed also im correct

- related but michael copon came over to jessica rey’s table while we were there and she was like “hi michael these are my FRIENDS” and they were talking about how they’re cousins and they’re both half filipino and tabby was like “why didnt they give you any scenes together in the teamup!” and jessica was like “because i was with erin!” and michael was like “because they couldnt have two filipinos together in one scene” power rangers got WOKE man

- kat to andrew: i have a huge troy plushie!

andrew: oh my dogs would rip that up immediately

kat:

andrew: do your dogs not rip things up

kat: i dont... i wouldnt let them...touch my troy plushies...

(we love you andrew. he doesnt even know hes at a con. hes just here to chill.)

- someone at the panel asked a stupid question about “if you could cameo in any other season which season would you pick” like they dont get asked this all the fucking time and the rangers were like hmm like beast morphers or dino charge and then andrew, my husband my light my life, was like “fuck power rangers, i wanna go to the dc universe” (he didnt cuss obviously) but like... king. legend supporting legends. AND THEN CHRISTINA WAS LIKE “oh mood i wanna be in the pokemon universe” and john mark was like “as what” and she was like “i dont know i didnt watch it” QUEEN OF POKEMON she kins jigglypuff

- tabby was at ann marie crouch’s booth and telling her how she loved that princess shayla was the wild force team’s mom and she was like aww yeah i felt such a maternal instinct even though that was before i had my actual child!! shes so cute!! shes so pretty!!

- jessica rey is literally SO WONDERFUL AND FUN TO TALK TO we went to hang out bc tabby wanted her wild force dvd signed and she was just telling us her stories of hanging out w/ the other boys and how she went to drink w/ azim just to keep him company (bc peter and yoshi were there and they were like “we dont drink” nerds) so cuuute and then she had that pic of her and peter and yoshi and they’re making stupid faces and she’s smiling like an angel and she’s like THEY DIDNT TELL ME IT WASNT A SERIOUS PHOTO and i asked her jokingly how much for it and she was like take it its $30 and i was like pls charge me more have my money take my soul

- tabby and kat were at the megaforce booths and jessica rey came over and was like “excuse me what are you guys doing with MY GIRLS” and john mark was like “uh they’re OUR GIRLS” and then cameron pulled jessica over and was like “actually this is MY babe” and then she tried to leave bc she was in the way of ppl in line and azim stopped her and was like “no no stay you’re part of our FAMILY”and uh basically the power rangers family is the cutest family in the whole world thank you good night

- taylor swift wrote gorgeous about andrew gray

[ffuuuuuuuck]

september 24, 2019

Today was such a bad day my thoughts kept pulling me in different directions- all of them bad

ended up skipping class today, thought about dropping out of school entirely like a lot

like, i know im capable of it and it’s not even hard, it’s just the looming fear of failing again like i did in my first highschool. I’m falling into the same patterns, it’s getting harder to maintain a positive mentality. it sucks because i was doing so good and then one thing sets me off and im back on my bullshit. 

somehow writing it out makes me feel a little better, makes it feel like the thoughts aren’t all just stuck in my head. 

my family helped today- my mom sang one direction with me in the car because i think she could tell I was on the verge of crying lol. That’s what she used to do with me in middle school and felt bad about the way i looked- it was cheesy and dorky but nice. she also took me to meet my baby cousin for the first time since she’d been born-5 months old and shes fat as fuck but also cute as fuck

i think i might just go back to spending time with my family again- it was easier than having to deal with friends. I love them, but i don’t feel the same with them anymore. it was different when i was into the same shit- smoking weed, doing drugs, doing nothing but walking around all the time. but now i’ve got school and work and actual responsibilities, and none of them seem to get that. Some of them even get mad because i cant spend as much time with them. I understand being upset, but it just makes me feel worse because i already feel worn thin. Plus, we dont really have anything in common anymore other than weed. Even that i’ve been trying to quit, but that’s all they ever wanna do and my lungs are all burnt out. And frankly, i like the feeling of being sober better than being high now. 

I guess that’s the only thing me and Maurice had in common. When we first became friends,  i was so happy to have someone like me. Into musicals, into anime, into all these dorky things my other friends weren’t into. but now its nothing but weed or talking about her ex boyfriend, or our friend bianca. I’m really glad her and bianca get along so well- i knew they would, i would always try getting all of us to hangout so they could get to know eachother more. But now it just feels like im on the outside. Whenever im with them they always just go off in their own space, talk about their own things that i can’t contribute because i wasnt there or not in on their inside jokes. I tried for awhile to just get used to it, because i shouldve been just happy that they were happy. But then they started hanging out without me all the time, and yeah, it makes me a little sad but no biggie it’s not like theyre my only friends. it feels like im not allowed to feel anything, like anything negative that i feel is just a sign that im getting bad again. But it hurts, like a lot. Bianca is always going on about stuff she told maurice, how maurice said that and that her and maurice always do this, and how great maurice is. Maurice is always saying how amazing bianca is and how much she loves her, how’re theyre gonna go do this and that. lately they started inviting me to hangout with them, but at this point it just feels more like pity than anything. Even when we’re all together, it’s like im intruding on their space. It just sucks. Like it’s not like i want to break them apart or anything, or for them to include me more. I don’t really want anything to happen, like im happy they get along. I just feel shitty about it. Even today, i found out something new about Bianca and yeah it was cool learning that about her but she threw in “really you didnt know? Maurice knows” and i dont know why but it stung. Probably because i was already feeling shitty today. 

Maurice had asked me earlier in the day to hangout with them tomorrow- but it was only because it had come up in the conversation because i had told her about something concerning bianca. and honestly, i felt like i couldnt go on pretending anymore to be ok. so i told her that i didnt mean to sound like a dick but i didnt really like hanging out with the two of them together- but i still liked hanging out with them seperately. which, typing this out now i realize i really went the wrong way about this. It’s different when its just me and maurice and me and bianca, its not much different and nice. but when theyre together i just feel really crummy. i wanted to try to tell her that but she just told me “okay whatever i dont even wanna ask why.” and hasnt talked to me since. my mom said if they cared theyd understand, but im not sure i even went about it the right way, if there is a right way to tell your friends that. I told her what happened and she said that bianca would talk to me about it because my mom said that she definitely cares. 

But when i told bianca about it, about maurice being upset with me and what i had said, all she said was how did they exclude me. That we played cards together that one time. That we had gone to go get hair dye that one time. I explained to her that yeah, when we went to go get hair dye it felt better because i was actually apart of their conversation. but the other times i just didnt feel like i belonged there with them. She wasnt upset about it like maurice was, but she seemed... i dunno, annoyed? not annoyed but like it was just me back on my bullshit. like it was all in my head. I think she did say it was all in my head. And after we left school a guy we knew was supposed to come with us, and she said “What, are you gonna feel excluded because Robbys coming?” in a really sarcastic voice. I just put in my headphones after that and actually did my homework. Because im supposed to be the chill one- im supposed to be the emotionless one, the one who doesnt let anything bother them because if i acknowledge that im hurt, then that means i could be getting unhealthy again. But fuck dude it did hurt. I barely tell my friends what I feel, and to be shot down like that, to be treated like i was just acting dumb again really hurt. especially because it wasnt like i was asking for anything to be different, other than me not wanting to hang out anymore. also especially coming from bianca. Out of all the people, i felt like i could count on her the most. I guess i was wrong again. Which sucks because its not like my brain goes to “ok they were a dick that time whatever”. When im not feeling good (aka when im not drugged out), my brain immedietely goes to wow what a dumbass trusting people again. 

It didnt help that Quenten came to hangout today. I normally love seeing her, and everytime i see her she vents about her problems and i support her because i know she has a lot on her plate all the time. But today it just made things worse. She vented like usual and i tried to support her the best i could, but when i tried to talk about something that was bothering me she kinda just shut me down. Cut me off, started talking about her problems again. Usually she does that, but today it hurt because i really needed someone to talk to, and i thought we were that person for eachother. 

Some shit went down with this Guy one time, and its kind of fucked me up. For awhile i tried my best not to let it get to me, tried staying friends with him and making the best of a situation because everyone told me that it wasnt that big of a deal. Not directly, but through their body language, the way they just change the subject, so i just believed that. Tried letting it go till eventually it built up inside me and blew up and left me feeling ruined. The other night i saw the Guy, and i had been doing so good, had been feeling happy and safe and just better. But he walked past me and it was like all of that just fell apart, i felt terrified again and unsafe and it was that feeling all over again, of not getting a choice, of not getting to have control, of putting my complete trust in someone only for it to be ruined. Anyways, its been leaving me fucked up for the past couple of days, and i just needed someone to talk to that wouldnt brush me aside. Im not sure why i thought that though. Quentin still thought highly of the Guy, still cared about his opinion i guess. its not like they were friends, but still. I shouldve known she wouldve blown me off when i tried talking about that situation. 

I might need to see a counselor about it, because theres no one that i can even really talk to about it. I tried with this one girl, and she really helped me. But then it turned into a shit show because she outed the guy when i asked her not to, and one of my ex good friends came to me, and basically said i was making it up. when before we stopped being friends she believed me and understood why i got scared around the Guy. I guess that situation fucked me up too lol. But theres no one i can talk to, no one i can even bounce my thoughts off of. I wish i could talk to my mom about this. Sometimes she’s really good with this shit. But i know telling her about this will just make my life worse. Ill go to being looked at like some broken pitiful thing. Im not. I might be broken but im strong and i dont want to be pitied or someone to get mad in my place. I think some part of her already knows.

I think im done talking for today. Guess spilling my guts is too much too. 

[roadkillfuneral]

if connor never found the letter

No Letter AU a.k.a. connor and Evan were set up to be a perfect gay love story

-The story is the same up until the moment after Connor signs Evan’s cast. He doesn’t find the letter and leaves the computer room, already forgetting the nervous boy he just encountered

-Evan goes home and his mom sees Connor’s name on his cast bigger than life itself and invites him over for dinner. Connor never has a chance to even think about his previous plans that night

-As soon as Heidi leaves them alone they begin bonding over overbearing mothers and, soon after, shared disdain towards their fathers, and they’re attached to each other before they even realize

-Sometimes due to Evan’s mother, but more on their own, the two start to hang out. They goof around, talk about books they like and Connor shows Evan loud music and Evan shows Connor… support.

-At some point Evan notices the marks on Connor’s arms and asks about them, completely innocently. Connor lashes out of course, defensive as all get out because it’s not Evan’s business, it’s not anyone’s business, he doesn’t have to talk about it with anyone, it doesn’t matter he’s fine

-And Evan drops it because he’s confused but also because he wants to respect Connor’s wishes

-Connor sees that and not too much time later, he finds himself confiding in Evan, telling him about them, what he’s done, how long he’d been clean, but it doesn’t really matter, he’s fine. And Evan, touched, tells how he’d broke his arm. The real story.

-And then there’s a moment where they both have never felt less alone.

it doesnt end there though

-the friendship progresses pretty much perfectly. Connor’s parents love polite little Evan, and Heidi, at first, is just glad that Evan has a friend, but then she sees some of her lost teenage self in Connor and finds that Connor is actually a funny kid???

-Heidi and Connor totally playfully gang up on Evan “sh hon the grownups are talking” they sip their tea in unison  omg give me heidi and connor cute friendship

-By now Evan is coming to Connor’s house whenever Connor isn’t at his and his crush on Zoe is ever persistent. And one day he makes a fool of himself, trips or chokes and eventually Connor is just like dude. what’s going on.

-so Evan comes clean, all blushy and dumb and gushing, but apologizing all the while because she’s your sister I’m sorry but gosh have you seen her smile? sorry but wow

-then Connor feels it. the tug in his chest and the burning of emotions he thinks are gone, thinks he couldn’t possibly feel anymore

-Connor has always known. He was lucky to grow up in this generation where he sees men holding hands on the sidewalks and it’s been a couple years since gay marriage was legalized. He knows this and he’s long since accepted it, though he’s never been with anyone cos everyone fucking sucks have you met people? they’re gross

-But Evan. He’s sweet and understands Connor and when he laughs- not that awkward laugh, but a real laugh that’s hard and deep- Connor’s heart stammers.

-he feels it even before that moment but he only begins to really comprehend his feelings when he’s jealous

-He manages to ignore it until one day when he asks Evan if he wants to smoke weed with him

-Evan trusts Connor fully and he’s curious and Connor always seems so laid back when he does it

-So he agrees, even if he’s a little skeptical 

-He’s an anxious mess at first and coughs his lungs up and Connor has to light the pipe for him because Evan’s hands are shaking so bad and Connor was just planning on giving him a few hits, making him chill, but Evan takes a few too many drags and he is stoned

-At first Evan is just giggling and rambling and fluttering his hands and he seems fine and Connor thinks its fine so he smokes a little more, feels a little lighter, a little more high

-To this day he doesn’t know who started it. All he remembers is touching Evan’s hands and Evan touching his hair and counting Evan’s eyelashes and then they were kissing 

-Connor has kissed a couple people before, usually pecks and things like that, and he assumed Evan has never kissed anyone before but it feels perfect, it feels like finally

-They’re pretty much making out by the time Evan pulls away, his eyes wide and scared and no longer high. Connor wants to kiss him again but he looks so scared. It’s a silent moment before Evan runs out silently  

-Evan knows he’s not gay. Connor knows he is. Connor knows what he wants. Evan does not. 

-he knows that he’s been admiring Connor, sure. He likes how tall he is and his black nail polish and how when he’s angry (even though he’s almost always angry) his eyebrows pucker but his bad moods make him look likes hes glowing when he smiles or laughs and…. that doesn’t make him gay, does it?

-So naturally he goes to his mother. 

-And he’s like so. asking for a friend. what should you do if your friend of the same sex kisses you (even though he thinks he might have initiated it) and you kinda like it and might wanna do it more

-Heidi freaks out she’s all oh you and connor would be so cute oh what a sweet boy your cousin lindy can flower girl at the wedding 

-Connor is all mom no for a friend

-Heidi smiles and agrees to play along, tells Evan, all wise and mom-like, that if he really likes Connor then he needs to tell him and see how Connor feels and talk out where they should go from there. 

-Evan is scared to death. He likes Connor so much (in what way he doesnt know) and he’s pretty much his only friend and he’s so scared of ruining this but he goes anyways 

-There’s a lot of stuttering and flushing on Evan’s part and mumbling and avoiding gazes on Connor’s part but they both admit to the feelings they have that are definitely not Straight and by the time theyre done they’re kissing again, simultaneously relishing in the fact that it feels much better sober and knowing where they stand 

bonus content

-connor’s long noodle ass limbs getting in the way of everything. when they cuddle its a jumble of connor’s ligaments and evan in a ball watching as his beanpole of a boyfriend tries to adjust 

-oh and cuddling? these two are a fucking mess

-it starts off the most awkward thing ever as i said connor can’t adjust himself and evan doesnt know where to put his hands but they are both very touch starved but they dont give up they keep trying and eventually connor knows just how to curl himself around evan so he can kiss his forehead and whisper in his ear and evan still can touch connor’s hair and snuggle his face into his tiddies chest 

-connor denies that he likes it even a little bit even though he’s the one that initiated it, the nerd

-possessive connor. bruh. 

-once he gets evan he refuses to let him go. if he sees alana even look at evan for too long he feels the need to take that moment to grab his hand (if he isn’t already holding it) or to kiss him or grab his ass whatever connor is possessive but pretty harmlessly. he knows evan likes him and only him but still. 

-evan can also get jealous at times, though his is much more lowkey. if someone flirts with connor he wont speak up, but he’ll feel the need to tell connor how much he likes him and cherishes him. connor understands. 

-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

-stop that ‘evan makes connor stop smoking’ bullshit. im here for evan becoming a borderline stoner because it helps with the anxiety. he might evan smoke more than connor. maybe he likes edibles more but im totally here for connor and evan shotgunning because homies share hits

-speaking of evan’s anxiety

-connor is annoyed with it at first tbh. evan’s nervousness and awkwardness grates on him but then he’s okay with it and then he finds it cute and then he loves him for it

-who says i love you first? ohoho boy

-i have way too many headcanons for this but my favorite is that they’re hanging out, probably smoking, def telling jokes and swapping little kisses and they’re laughing and evan just kinda says it

-connor’s mother doesn’t even tell him she loves him that much anymore. she kinda gave up when he started taking out his anger on everyone including her and when evan says it, connor stutters it back, but he says it, and dives down to kiss evan again but honestly no kiss could convey how happy he feels. evan says it many more times that night. 

-zoe doesn’t get it tbh

-first this anxious weirdo comes into her house and is looking at her weirdly and then he’s looking at her brother and her brother is looking back and she hears laughing coming from connor’s room it’s weird but hey at least he isn’t acting crazy anymore

-then one night she hears a car come up the driveway at like 11 at night and she goes to her window to see who in fresh hell it is, forgetting that connor has gone to evan’s for the afternoon

-she sees the two get out of the car and go to the door. they chat a little bit and connor is smiling and their faces are weirdly close and they stop and evan leans up on his toes and oh my god they’re making out on the porch

-she never mentions it but there’s at least a week or more where she can’t look at connor 

-if im being honest i see evan being ace but if he weren’t/still copulates with connor, im here for power bottom connor

-someone that wasn’t me mentioned evan still letting cynthia pay for his college but only if she gets connor therapy and i love it and i love evan getting connor to therapy and i love him getting therapy gwahh

i havent got anything else but um this au kills me daily hope u like it adios

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”