#and arnold schwarzenegger was the terminator but this is a gif from a Christmas movie called Jingle All The Way

[upwards-descent]

Vik's parents: *mildly concerned that their son is dating a killer android ONLY BECAUSE they just found out he was built the year they were born and that's weird to think about*

Vik, realizing he regularly gets his guts rearranged by a robot built before The Moon Landing:

[dan6085]

Here are the top 20 iconic action movies, each with a brief description:

1. **Die Hard (1988):** Directed by John McTiernan, this film stars Bruce Willis as NYPD officer John McClane, who single-handedly takes on a group of terrorists in a Los Angeles skyscraper during a Christmas party.

2. **Mad Max: Fury Road (2015):** Directed by George Miller, this post-apocalyptic action film follows Max Rockatansky (Tom Hardy) and Furiosa (Charlize Theron) as they escape from a tyrannical warlord across a desert wasteland.

3. **Léon: The Professional (1994):** Directed by Luc Besson, this film tells the story of a hitman (Jean Reno) who forms an unusual relationship with a young girl (Natalie Portman) he takes in after her family is killed by corrupt DEA agents.

4. **John Wick (2014):** Directed by Chad Stahelski, Keanu Reeves plays a former hitman seeking vengeance for the death of his beloved dog, taking on the criminal underworld in a stylish and action-packed manner.

5. **The Dark Knight (2008):** Directed by Christopher Nolan, this Batman film features Christian Bale as Batman and Heath Ledger as the Joker, exploring the battle between order and chaos in Gotham City.

6. **Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991):** Directed by James Cameron, this sci-fi action film stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Terminator, a cyborg sent back in time to protect John Connor, a future leader, from a more advanced Terminator.

7. **The Matrix (1999):** Directed by the Wachowski siblings, Keanu Reeves stars as Neo, a computer hacker who discovers the truth about the reality he lives in and becomes a hero in a virtual world.

8. **Gladiator (2000):** Directed by Ridley Scott, this historical action film stars Russell Crowe as Maximus Decimus Meridius, a former Roman general seeking vengeance against the corrupt emperor who killed his family.

9. **Inception (2010):** Directed by Christopher Nolan, this mind-bending action film features Leonardo DiCaprio as a thief who enters people's dreams to steal their secrets, exploring the concept of shared dreaming.

10. **Braveheart (1995):** Directed by Mel Gibson, this historical epic follows William Wallace (Mel Gibson), a Scottish knight who leads a rebellion against the English during the First War of Scottish Independence.

11. **The Bourne Identity (2002):** Directed by Doug Liman, this film stars Matt Damon as Jason Bourne, a man suffering from amnesia who discovers he's a trained assassin, leading to a thrilling chase across Europe.

12. **Speed (1994):** Directed by Jan de Bont, this action thriller stars Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock as they try to prevent a bomb from exploding on a city bus if its speed drops below 50 miles per hour.

13. **Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) / Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004):** Directed by Quentin Tarantino, these films follow The Bride (Uma Thurman) on her quest for vengeance against her former associates in a stylized and violent manner.

14. **The Raid: Redemption (2011):** Directed by Gareth Evans, this Indonesian action film showcases a SWAT team trapped in a high-rise building filled with criminals, leading to intense and martial arts-infused combat scenes.

15. **Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000):** Directed by Ang Lee, this martial arts epic features a mix of romance and action, telling the story of legendary warriors in ancient China.

16. **The Avengers (2012):** Directed by Joss Whedon, this superhero ensemble film brings together Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hulk, and others to save the world from a powerful alien threat.

17. **Aliens (1986):** Directed by James Cameron, this sci-fi action film is a sequel to Ridley Scott's "Alien" and follows Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) as she returns to the planet where the alien creatures were first encountered.

18. **Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981):** Directed by Steven Spielberg, this adventure film introduces Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), an archaeologist and adventurer, as he races against Nazi agents to find the Ark of the Covenant.

19. **Django Unchained (2012):** Directed by Quentin Tarantino, this Western film stars Jamie Foxx as Django, a freed slave who teams up with a bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz) to rescue his wife from a brutal plantation owner.

20. **Enter the Dragon (1973):** Directed by Robert Clouse, this martial arts film stars Bruce Lee as a martial artist who infiltrates a deadly crime lord's island tournament, showcasing Lee's incredible fighting skills.

These films have been celebrated for their thrilling action sequences, compelling characters, and enduring influence on the action genre in cinema.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #509

 Top Ten Arnold Schwarzenegger Films

I need your clothes, your boots, and your hastily written Top Ten lists.

Yes, it’s a special time of year, a time when I thought I had three clear weeks leading up to Christmas when I had nothing to do but prepare for the Big Day, re-jig my website to refocus my work in the New Year (looking for more writing/producing, less promo/editing), and do a special series of Other Lists in the run up to the Significant Birthday. But then the BBC just couldn’t quit me, and now I have no free time. Rejoice!

Anyway, I do have an awful lot on, and I also want to make a few Special Things happen before the end of this glorious (not really lol) year that is 2021. So the next couple of weeks are going to be a bit shorter I normally go for. But that’s no bad thing, really, as I think I often go on a bit too much. And they’re not going to have much to do with anything, I guess; nothing will “tie in” to the wider world until Christmas. But these are all topics close to my heart, and in December – my birth month! – it’s nice to do things you like. So, to begin, a very simple one: my favourite Arnie movies.

What is there to say about Big Arn? He’s been a fixture, an immovable oak, for as long as I can remember, really. The Terminator came out when I was about two years old, so he’s always been this imposing presence, a huge star. The impact of Terminator 2 cannot be overstated; that was a seismic event, and I was too young to even see it. Oh, the tales spun by those friends of friends old enough to be thought fifteen in 1991; it was like the stories of salt-whipped seamen regaling you, through eyes flecked with horror and wonder, of the monster which swam away, its flank a crown of harpoons, in its wake the ruin of a Nantucket whaler. It was A Big Deal.

I’ve been there, a huge fan, from the age of cheesy action flicks to tentpole blockbusters to questionable comedies. I was there when he decided to be governor, when his leading-man status began to slip, when the truth emerged about a private life even more questionable than his comedies. He’s not the behemoth he once was – is it realistic to assume that’s possible, the man is in his seventies and could still bench-press me and my brother wearing replica Mr Freeze costumes – but he continues to make interesting and amusing films, continues to advocate for health and the environment, and was a smart political commentator during the Trump years, despite sitting across the aisle from me on a lot of issues.

So this is a celebration of arguably the most consistent actorly force in my life, one of my all-time faves (genuinely trying to think of an actor I might have liked for longer or with such a sustained level of enthusiasm, and the only ones I can think of are Bill Murray and Robin Williams). An Austrian Oak, a man machine, a barbarian, a comedian, a governator, a condom stuffed with walnuts. Are we learning yet?

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991): yeah, I’d like to be all hipster and trendy and put a less famous film up here. Even Predator, which feels like the purist’s choice. Even the first Terminator. But no; this is the best, arguably the greatest sequel ever made. It touches on so many scenes from the first film – sceptical cops, a ferocious chase, a fight in an industrial location – but ups the ante spectacularly, with terrific action scenes. Turning loyalties on their heads, Schwarzenegger is here a good terminator, and in Robert Patrick, we get a properly terrifying villain, who seems genuinely, legitimately unstoppable. And Linda Hamilton’s transition to badass warrior is a thing to see, I mean a thing to see. Cameron’s masterpiece.

The Terminator (1984): this one’s still good, though. A taut, intense, frankly terrifying horror movie, as an ordinary young woman is pursued relentlessly by a slow-moving assailant, a walking brick shithouse, a cybernetic zombie. Making great use of Schwarzenegger’s diction and physicality, there’s a stark neon-drenched intensity to this, totally at odds with its sequel’s grandeur. Effectively James Cameron’s debut, and what a bloody debut.

Predator (1987): often lumped in with other Arnie actioners of the era, this is actually a tremendous ode to masculinity, a parable about American imperialism, a critique of big-bollock military machismo. It’s a proper horror; Arnie is basically the Final Girl. And the Predator is such a terrific design; the trippy eighties invisibility effect, the subtle calling cards (the three dot scope!)… and then when we see it, oh my god. Spawned one of the greatest musicals of all time, too.

Total Recall (1990): blimey, he did make quite a few all-timers, didn’t he? A loud, brash, phenomenally fun action movie that sees old Arnold get his ass to Mars, divorce Sharon Stone, meet a woman with three breasts and a dude with another dude growing out of him. The sort of balls-out craziness that kids loved to tell other kids about. But beyond that – beyond the legitimately excellent action filmmaking, beyond the genuinely great sci-fi trappings – there’s a totally bonkers and compelling mystery, a real brain-boggler of a concept. So unrepentantly wacky it’s almost hard to imagine why they bankrolled it. but I’m glad they did. Two weeks!

Commando (1985): yeah, but he did make some schlocky action movies too, and none of them is more fun than this. The best dude-killer in the business, all Arnie wants to do is pet deer and eat ice cream with his adorable moppet-child, Chenny. But along comes Dan Hedaya with a great accent and unfortunate makeup, and Vernon Wells in a vest. It goes from daft set piece to daft set piece, with a climactic assault on a mansion that literally throws bodies at the screen, and ends with someone threatening to shoot someone in the balls. Some of the greatest Arnie kiss-off lines, too: “dead tired” is a keeper.

True Lies (1995): slips down the rankings because some if it’s a bit icky, but all the same, it’s James and Arnie Doing Bond, and that’s as great as you’d expect. Big Arn has his patter down pat, he knows what he’s doing now, and he can have fun with his action movie persona. This is basically a comedy for the most part, with some great lines (“Have you ever killed anyone?” “Yes, but they were all bad”) and great scenes: witness Arnie riding a horse into an elevator. One of the greatest bathroom bust-ups, since trumped by Mission: Impossible. Jamie Lee Curtis is great. And Art Mallick is the bad guy, how cool is that?

The Running Man (1987): lots of this-era Arnold movies are great, but my memories are a bit hazier; Raw Deal, Red Heat. What I like about this one is its dystopic setting, its genuinely-great satire on commercialism, capitalism, and TV culture, which feels oddly prophetic looking back on it now (it’s set in 2019!). The titular gameshow is a bit weird, but it does allow for some great action scenes and memorably-designed bad guys. Also my favourite use of “I’ll be back”; after he says it, the presenter replies, “Only in a rerun!”

Conan the Barbarian (1982): built around the towering physical presence of Peak Arnold, this is a swaggering, sweaty affair, a meaty fantasy movie. I’ve not seen it in a while so I’m not sure quite how well the sword-and-sorcery stuff holds up, but I remember vividly that James Earl Jones is a really cool, sinister villain, a palpable threat to our hero; and Arnie is a stoic thrill as the muscular hero. All together now: “hear the lamentations of the women…”

Twins (1988): everyone took a gamble on the idea that Schwarzenegger could headline a comedy, even if he was paired with Danny DeVito. But not only did the two have great chemistry, but Big Arn proved a winning comic foil, burying all his badassery beneath a persona of naïve but improbably buff Julius. The film’s at its best when its two leads are sparring, and arguably at its worst with the bizarre crime subplot, but it remains a delight.

Batman and Robin (1997): okay, hear me out. Yes, there are definitely Schwarzenegger-starring films better than this. Some I’d not seen in a long time so didn’t want to categorically rank them. And I’m fairly sure there are gems among the films I’ve not seen yet, too. But two things I want to state: one, this film is garish and badly put together and phenomenally, almost malevolently, stupid; but it’s still not quite as bad as everyone says. Tune into its odd rhythms and you can – just about – appreciate its campness and its Looney Tunes-come-to-life sense of fun. And two: Arnie is having the time of his life. He chews up and spits out the most ridiculous puns, terrible puns; he wears what looks like a collection of knock-off kitchen utensils held together by glow-sticks; he is inexplicably painted silver. But he’s a hoot. I think he was paid $25 million for this, and whilst I’m not sure if he’s worth it in real terms, as a percentage of the film’s budget it’s all up there on screen. I’d argue it’s his greatest comic role.