#and as if landon's mental health doesn't matter at all

[landonkirbyappreciation]

PRISON WORLD/POSSESSION TRAUMA MOODBOARD

[sweetbillwriting]

This Is Bad, Billy

The Finale Part

Characters: AU Bill Skarsgård, here called Billy. He's inspired by real life Bill but also the character Clark Olofsson in the Netflix series Clark.

Setting: This story is set in the 60s New York.

Warnings: 18+, historical preferences, mental health problems, mental illness, abuse, racism, drugs, mentions about sex, mentions about rape. All opinions is the characters' own and not mine.

Note: This is the finale part! Thank you for reading, liking and reblogging 💖

I walked in farther into the room to look at the lacy thing laying next to Billy's pillow and it really was a pair of panties. I stood and stared at them until he came up next to me. 

"Is it something?" He asked, wondering and searching my eyes. I made an unamused sound and looked at him with a headshake. 

"Is that a pair of panties?" I asked and pointed to the garment. Bill looked towards the bed then took a pair of fast steps towards the bed, laughed and put the panties in his back pocket. 

"You're unbelievable! You have been free for like a couple of hours!" 

Bill gave me a confused look and an exaggerated shoulder shrug. 

"That has nothing to do with it!" 

"Yes it has! I’m really starting to wonder what kind of person you are! And if I want to help you!" I said upset. I thought that would make him shut up but Billy looked just even more provoked. 

"So what? You don't want to help me because I slept with someone? What did you expect? That you and I would become an item as soon as we met?" 

"No! Or… You don't even remember me so that wouldn't happen!" 

Bill shook his head with a smile even if he didn't think it was funny then he dragged both of his hands through his slicked back hair. 

"It doesn't matter! Come on! We haven't seen each other for like seven years! You're married and I am engaged!" 

I stared at him but had a hard time understanding what he was saying. He sighed and dragged a pinky through his eyebrow while looking down at the floor. 

"Engaged?" I asked with a small voice and sat down on Landon's bed that was behind me. Billy sat down next to me but he couldn't stop himself from smiling. 

"Yeah and now there is really a chance for me to marry her. Before it had just felt like I was holding her back but… You can make it possible for us to live as wife and husband." 

He looked at me with pleading eyes and then carefully laid his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it away fast and stood up with an irritated groan. 

"Why would I help you with that?! You have lied to me this whole time!" 

He looked confused and leaned forward with one hand on his knee. He was dressed in a well worn white tank top and the dark blue pants from the institution. I was so angry at him but he made it hard for me to not look at him inappropriately. 

"I haven't lied? Or not about that. I just don't talk about myself like that. I'm sorry, but I don't need to talk with you about such things. I'm so grateful that you want to help me but you're not a part of my life." 

His words were hurtful and I wanted to object but nothing of what he said was untrue. He hadn't shared anything with me, not when we were younger and not now. 

"And I shouldn't need to ask this… But aren't you married?" 

I made a frustrated sound and stomped my feet like a toddler and then walked out from his hotel room. Like I would help a guy like him. 

I walked around the hotel a while to calm down. If I came back to Daniel all upset he would have wondered what had happened and would probably even figure it was something with Billy again. He didn't deserve that. We had decided to go back to Spain and leave this mess behind and I owed him to just stay on that path now, without letting Billy affect me. 

I took a deep breath before walking into the hotel room but felt the air I exhale get stuck in my nose when I heard Landon's voice from the room. He was lying on his back in the unmade bed while Daniel sat in an armchair in front of him. It was obvious Landon was the one who spoke while my husband was the listener. 

"So yeah, like my life has also sucked without him you know? I just want to be around him even if I get in his shadow. But he's my best friend." 

My husband gave me a quick look but then looked back at Landon again when he continued to talk. 

"And now he is all grown up. A fiancee? I didn't even think he had it in him to have a friend with benefits type of deal. He has always been a free soul. Like me. But he is fucking engaged now and maybe he can help me get grounded too?" Landon looked at me when he stopped talking and gave me a weird looking smile I couldn't interpret. 

"So what's his plan now?" Daniel asked and sat up in the arm chair. It was like my presence had made him get an idea and he looked at me with bright eyes. He probably just saw the engagement as something good, even if it didn't matter now when we would go. 

"If he’s freed, he will marry her. Have like five kids, I think. And become a teacher. He hopes to be able to teach in literature and drama." 

Daniel nodded with a smile while I just waited on them to be done so we could take a cab to the airport. I didn't even want to be at the hotel anymore. 

"Honey, you heard? Such a beautiful plan. Almost like ours. You must help him," Daniel said and stood up so he could walk up to me. Even if I had thought it would be over now I wasn't surprised Daniel thought I should help Billy, now when he wasn't his competition anymore. Daniel was a great man and he would always stand on the less fortunates's side. They were qualities that I loved in him, values I also tried to live by so the most natural thing was to help Billy but there was too much that made it hard. At that moment it was mostly the thought of seeing Billy with another woman that stopped me but what gave me most anxiety was meeting my dad. 

Landon looked at my face that had become pale and I looked back at him. If he hadn't now learned to read me he would have begun to beg me to do it but now we looked at each other and we knew that I would do it even if everything in me screamed not to. But it was the right thing, I would never be able to live with myself knowing I had once again left Billy in an institution and even if I didn't know him, I knew he didn't deserve that. 

××× 

I had pictured the hearing would be in a big courtroom where I could sit in the back avoiding my father but the room where Billy's freedom was discussed wasn't bigger than mine and Daniel's living room in Spain. It was three rows of chairs behind two tables where Billy and Tom Thomas sat by the left one while the prosecutor sat by the other. In front of them sat the judge, a white little man in thick rimmed glasses. I looked at him while walking up to the stand. I had seen that my father was sitting behind the prosecutor and I would do everything in my power to not look at him. 

"Good morning Ms. Woods, good morning," said Tom Thomas in his normal energetic way and I gave him a nod and a small smile as an answer. 

"In 1961 you worked as a candy striper, it's not common candy stripers work in the psychiatric ward so how did you find a position there?" He asked and I looked towards Billy who sat leaned back in his chair. He had a black suit on and played with his tie. 

"I was late so the doctor in charge gave me that job as a punishment but I liked it so I think I talked with the head nurse there," I said and pretended to not remember how I had lied to be able to be close to Billy. 

"When did you meet Bill Skarsgård there?"

"I think it was the second time I was there." 

The judge sighed. 

"Thomas, can you maybe come to the important things? This isn't a trial." 

Tom Thomas looked a bit embarrassed. He probably wanted this to be something bigger where he could be the lawyer in the spotlight. 

"Ms. Woods, can you tell us about your relationship with Mr. Skarsgård. Did you have a sexual relationship with him?" 

I turned in my chair in discomfort and it was then I also forgot to not look to my right because just when I was about to answer I saw my dad's face. He looked at me with dark eyes. He was older and thinner and didn't look the way I remembered him but his eyes were the same but now even harsher, forcing me to stay quiet. 

"Ms. Woods?" Said Tom a bit worried and tried to make me look at him. I looked at Billy instead. He also looked worried and picked at the cuticle on his thumb. 

"Yes. Yes," I just said as an answer and nodded. 

"Was it under consent?" 

I nodded without letting Billy go with my eyes. 

"I'm sorry but you must answer verbally." 

I gave Tom a quick look then I continued to watch Billy again. He looked at me, with big boyish eyes and I made a mental sigh. 

"Yes. I wanted to have sex with him." 

The judge cleared his throat in discomfort and Tom gave me an alarming look. He had said I should act like a woman with class, but never as a victim. To say out loud that I wanted to have sex with Billy was probably not so classy. 

"Why do you think your father said to the police Skarsgård had raped you?" 

"Objection, speculative," the prosecutor said and Tom gave the man an annoyed look.

"I’ll rephrase it, did you give any reasons for your father to believe Skarsgård raped you?" 

I licked my lips and looked down in my lap. I could feel my dad's eyes on me, like a sharp knife cutting in the side of my neck. 

"I let Billy climb in through the window to my bedroom during the night and my parents caught us. But I said to my dad that I wanted to be with Billy intimately. I said it loud and clear." I said the word just as loud and clear then and looked towards the judge. The judge looked back at me, in my eyes, from left to right with a serious expression. I was cleaned up and pretty. My wedding ring adorned my finger and in the third row seat sat my husband as support. I looked like a classy woman, a classy woman that one time had been a stupid in love teenager. 

I heard my dad clear his throat. Me and the judge had looked at each other a long time and probably knew everyone else in the room what I knew. The judge had seen me, he had listened to me. 

××× 

I stood on the stairs to the courthouse when two long arms wrapped around me from behind. They were thick with muscles and the chest so broad it swallowed me up. I gave Daniel a look who stood in front of me, smiling in discomfort but when I felt Billy's cheek against mine I couldn't stop myself from shutting my eyes and smiling. 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," he said against my cheek and lifted me up from the ground. I giggled and snuggled in even closer to him before he sat me down again. Before he had come out I had just stood heavy with anxiety, listening to Daniel's sweet talk about our future in Spain but Billy had made that anxiety die just from a simple hug. I looked at him with a smile while he shook Daniel's hand and also thanked him and then he breathed out in relief. 

"We're going back to the hotel, mom will be there soon," I said and Billy nodded feverishly. 

"I want to meet her. Is it okay if I meet her before she testifies?" 

I shrugged my shoulders but then looked behind me, a bit of commotion made me stop. It was just Samuel and his family coming out from the doors, applauding and cheering for Billy. Billy turned around, laughed and made a bow. Samuel looked at him with a fatherly look and gave him a hard hug. Billy continued to hug the rest of the family. I didn't think so much of it, I even started to make myself ready to go when I saw that he didn't just hug the last person but also kissed her. She was beautiful but also so similar to Samuel. Billy kissed her again, much more intimate and the rest of the family shouted and cheered. 

"Soon I can marry you. I will give you the biggest, most expensive wedding New York has seen!" 

The girl laughed and threw herself around his shoulders. I just stood and stared at them. A moment ago his body had been pushed against mine, killing all my anxiety. Now I had anxiety again and it got even worse when my father came out from the courthouse with another man in a suit. He looked at Samuel's big family and Billy celebrating before they had even got the verdict. I could see in his expression what he thought and he made it even obvious when he spit right in front of their feet. He was an awful man and I would never ever want to be even remotely alike him. 

××× 

I could feel my mother's nerves when we walked into the courtroom. I looked at her while she looked around nervously. Maybe it had been better if she met Billy before the witness stand but I hadn't felt like meeting him. There were too many emotions surrounding his engagement and I needed time to be able to accept that he would soon be a married man. 

"Where, where is he?" Asked my mother with a hard grip around her handbag's handles. Just because I was thinking about Billy I thought she met him and gave him a fast look where he sat in the front with Tom. He tried to say hello to us but I turned to my mother when I realized that she was talking about my father. 

"I don't know, but it will be okay. Me and Daniel will take care of you. And there's guards everywhere." 

She nodded worriedly and took off her hat when she saw the judge come out. In the corner of my eye I could see Tom and Billy come toward us and I took a deep breath. I really just wanted to be a good human, a good person, prove I was nothing like my dad and accept Billy's engagement and be nice and calm with him. 

"Mrs. Woods?" Asked Billy with a small smile. It felt like it would have been more natural if Tom was the one addressing her but Billy was the charming one of them. My mom looked at him up and down and then took a deep breath. I wondered if she still had negative thoughts about him. 

"Mr. Skarsgård," she said and shook his hand formally. 

"It's really nice to meet you and I'm so grateful for you doing this." 

She just gave him a nod with her lips pursed. She was nervous but she was also shy and being in a new environment probably made her uncomfortable. 

"I'm Tom Thomas, Mr. Skarsgård's lawyer. I hope you know this will go fine and I don't have many questions for you and I don't think the prosecutor has either," said Tom and shook her hand harshly, not at all in that soft gentle way Billy had. I looked at Billy and he gave me a nervous smile. Of course he was also nervous, this was the final day of the hearing. Tomorrow he could be a free man or be forced back to the institution. Before I had time to smile back he had turned to my mother and taken her hand in his carefully. She looked up at him with big eyes and swallowed hard. 

"Your… Mr. Woods isn't here, so you can be calm." 

I furrowed my brows and looked between Billy and Tom. 

"Where is he?" 

Billy didn't let go of my mother's eyes and talked just to her calmly. 

"He has run away. If I win this trial they will arrest him for what he has done to me and he chose to run before they could take him." 

I looked at Billy and my mom, she had laid her other hand over Billy's forearm and hugged it hard. 

"I will give all the help you need. Okay?" He said lowly to her and she nodded with tears in her eyes. 

"I just feel so guilty…" she said with a low voice and looked down at their hands. 

"Don't. This is Mr. Woods' wrongdoing and it can't be easy to live with a man like him."

My mother nodded and let her tears fall. Tom gave her a tissue from his briefcase and she took it but she continued to just look at Billy. 

××× 

Blue, red, white. The flags stared at me while we waited. They wanted to tell me about this country's pride and how justice would be skipped in these halls. I really hope they were right. Mom, me and Daniel stood in a corner outside of the courtroom to hear Billy's verdict. My mom didn't feel like she had any right to be in there, on Billy's side so we stood in the hallway and waited. I had rather wanted to be there but Billy's whole family was there, Samuel's family. I understood now why Billy called him dad. He actually was his father, his father in law. 

The door opened by Billy himself and I knew what verdict he had got with the big smile on his lips. It was what we all had expected but no one was sure and my father had succeeded in manipulating the truth before.

"I'm free!" Screamed Billy a bit too loud for being in a big empty hallway but no one tried to kill his joy where he stood with his arms in the air. Everyone just laughed with him, everyone around him celebrated. I wanted to throw myself round his neck and kiss him, claim him now when he was free but I knew better. He had a fiance that had waited for him, who had promised him faithfulness even if he was locked up. I watched him lift her up in his arms and spin her around and they laughed together. I smiled because even if I wanted him I was happy seeing him so in love. 

"Is that his girlfriend?" Asked my mother carefully. Billy's fiance was probably not the woman my mother expected a man white as snow to be together with. 

"It's his fiancee," I answered shortly with a smile. I met Daniel's eyes and he smiled too and took my hand in his. 

××× 

Billy succeeded in getting us all a big table at a fancy restaurant. It was obvious people around us didn't appreciate our company's loud ways and some were my father's type and looked at Samuel and his family with annoyance just because of their skin color. I was afraid my mother would act the same but became happily surprised when I saw her talk with Samuel's wife. 

"So you worked as a candy striper when you met?" I asked Billy's fiancee, Shirlee. She sat opposite of me in a green tweed dress over a white blouse. 

"No, no. I wasn't that young. I was a caretaker but it wasn't for a long time, they stopped having female caretakers." She gave Billy a look who sat next to her and he smirked a bit. 

"But now you're a teacher?" I said with a bright smile to mask my jealousy. 

"Yes! And it's so fulfilling, I've even succeeded to put that idea into Billy's head, he would be an amazing teacher." 

We continued to talk about easy subjects and she was impressed by my model career. I didn't mention Billy had been a big reason why I had succeeded but I looked at him with a small thankful smile while talking. Shirlee didn't seem to notice and would maybe not see it as a big thing either, Billy gave her so much attention and closeness. I couldn't stop myself from feeling a need to show off that me and Daniel also were in love so I played with his hand in mine and dragged my fingers over his neck. When I did that it felt like Billy looked at us but if he did he had turned away so fast I didn't succeed to get it confirmed. 

It was a good night, everyone in Samuel's family was so nice and everyone wanted to celebrate Billy's freedom, even my mom drank a bit too much but by 9 pm Daniel thought it was time to go back to the hotel. I had given up on Billy and with that I also tried to embrace my role as Daniel's wife so I let him decide and together with my mom we walked to the hotel. 

My mom looked around when we walked. Her eyes were big and she wore a small smile the whole time. She had never been to New York but seemed to really like what she was seeing. 

"Can't we just get a drink in the hotel bar? I just… Want to look at people. They dress so nice and look so fancy," she said with a giggle. I had never seen my mom like that and I giggled too. Daniel looked tired at us and rubbed his eyes. 

"I'm going to bed…" he just said and then steered his steps to the elevators. My mom did the same but looked at me with a smile. 

"I have a nicer dress in my room I want to change to," she said with a playful smile and I smiled encouragingly. 

I followed her to her room while Daniel went to our room and I sat down on the bed while she changed and fixed her makeup. She was different in New York. Or without dad. 

"Billy is so sweet. I can understand why you fell so hard for him," she said while putting on some new blue eyeshadow. 

A smiled a little but I felt more saddened by talking about him.

"And he's so tall!" She said with a giggle.

"Yeah…" I cleared my throat. 

"What do you think about Daniel, you know my husband?" 

My mom looked at me through the mirror and smiled a bit. 

"He's sweet too." 

I nodded but smirked sarcastically. 

"But not like Billy?" 

My mother didn't seem to understand what I felt and she smirked back.

"Well, Billy has another charisma and… He has those Hollywood good looks. But Daniel is a sweet guy." 

I wanted to say something snide but she was right and there was also a knock on the door just then so instead of giving my mom an oversensitive comment I opened the door. 

It was Billy. He stood with his hands deep in the front of his suit pants while the white shirt sat sloppy on him, untucked with too many buttons open. His hair was still pushed back but some strains had pushed their way out and laid down in his face. He looked criminally handsome. 

"Oh, hey. I was actually here to talk to your mother?" He said with an amused smile and looked me up and down. 

I gave him a strange look but he looked at something behind me and waved. 

"Mrs. Woods, is it okay if I come in?" He asked with a charming smile and stretched. 

She smiled warmly at him and looked at herself in the mirror in her powder box. 

"Of course, what do you want this late?" 

Billy took some steps into the hotel room without looking at me. 

"Well I was afraid you would go tomorrow without me being able to say goodbye. I want to give you my contact details so you can call me if you need any help." He took up a folded piece of paper from his pants pockets and stretched it out for her. 

"Oh… But Billy, you don't need to help me? I owed you help." She opened the note and read the numbers. I looked at them and felt a bit left out, I didn't really have anything to do with this. 

"It doesn't matter. You helped me and for that I want to help you, if you need it." 

My mom smiled warmly and stretched out her hand towards Billy but to her surprise he dragged her into a hug. She laughed a little, almost embarrassed and Billy gave her a big smile. I started to wonder if I should leave them alone when he turned to me. 

"What happened to all your porcelain dolls?" He asked with a playful smile. I looked at him confused and gave my mom a fast look. 

"I don't know…" I was on my way to ask my mother when a question to Billy showed up in my head instead. 

"Do you remember them?" 

Billy laughed a little and sat down next to me on the bed. 

"I actually laid at night and thought about what you had said when you testified and suddenly it "clicked". First you were just one of… my many female friends but when I got some information the pieces fell into place." 

I looked at him with big eyes while he looked back at me with a boyish smile. He looked just like he did during our nights together. Just a bit older and much sexier. I almost didn't notice my mom slip out from the room to give us some privacy. 

"You were so young and sweet. I wanted you so much but felt bad someone like me would be your first…" 

He took my hand in his and I moved closer to him. 

"No. Don't feel like that. I wanted you… I wanted you so bad…" 

×××

Seven Months Later 

He wore a black suit again but this one looked nicer. The one he had at the hearing was also nice but it was a bit out of style. This looked more in line with 1968s fashion, more daring. I smiled at seeing him from afar and took a sip from my glass. Billy looked back at me with a smirk while he talked with some people he worked with and with Landon by his side.  They laughed together but he still gave me a look. 

When he gave the men his full attention again I looked around in the restaurant. It was decorated with pink and red roses to fit a wedding. It was a fine restaurant but Billy had money to pay for it. I sighed a little to myself and corrected my dress that sat a bit too tight. 

"You must entertain everyone," I said with a big smile when Billy came up to me along with Shirlee. His bride. She wore a short white lace dress with long sleeves and looked beautiful but also a bit sexy, such a girl Billy should have. 

Billy made an amused sound and shook my hand and then Daniel's that stood behind me. 

"You look lovely," said Daniel to Shirlee when he shook her hand. 

"Thank you! And so do you," she turned to me and looked at me the way everyone looked at me for the moment, then down to my belly that was big and round. 

I smiled at her and gave Billy a fast look before looking at Daniel with a smile. He laid an arm around me and pulled me closer to his body.

"What month are you in?" She asked and once again I gave Billy a fast look who looked at me with big eyes while playing with his glass between his fingers. 

"I'm seven months pregnant," I said and smiled a little nervously. Shirlee just nodded brightly. 

"Congratulations," said Billy and turned to Daniel. "A baby! Great job man," he said with a smirk and Daniel laughed a little. 

"Can I…?" Billy lifted his hand to show he wanted to touch my belly and I nodded a little with a hammering heart. He laid a big warm hand over my yellow dress and I watched him drag it over my belly. When I looked at his face he just gave me a sweet smile. 

"Bill, it's almost time for us to go," said Shirlee and pulled lightly in his arm. Billy let me go and took her hand in his. 

"Thank you for coming all the way from Spain," said Shirlee to us while starting to walk towards her parents. 

"Take care," said Billy with a nod and looked at me with an unreadable face and then down to my belly. 

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