#and convinced yourself i was somehoe getting preferential treatment.
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ngl bc of the way she treated me i kinda feel like my sister deserves all the karma shes getting rn in life.
#the best part to me is how she tries to convince herself that i was the golden child. lol. lmao.#dawg. i was the youngest. you were 4 years old. yeah. you weren't babies anymore. you were a toddler.#you saw that i was being babied and everyone was paying attention to me and your jealous child brain couldnt handle it#and instead of work though that you've carried that resentment with you ALL the way to pretending they still babied me when i was older#babied* not babies#i think we're lucky mom stuck it out long enough to show any emotion when we were all babies. ngl.#i dont think you understand that my formative memories of her was when she locked herself in her room for months blocking us out.#i kinda get the feeling your formative memories of her were better. going on vacations and to disney world and everything.#and instead of acknowledge my situation- asking you to put yourself in others shoes seems to be a chore for you-#you'd rather pretend that im the one experiencing all of the stuff you did when you were younger#your 4 year old brain held on to the jealousy and carried it with you up there#and convinced yourself i was somehoe getting preferential treatment.#bc idk if you remember but YOU were the one constantly praised for how smart you were. everyone kept wanting me to be as good and smart as#you were apparently till you went to college and wasted moms money on drugs.#the only thing people ever praised me over was my art.#and in spite of you trying to make fun of#my art to discourage me like you do with everything i do- they were still supportive because THATS WHAT YOU DO FOR TINY KIDS#and its not even like they weren't supportive to you about your art? like at fucking all? you got jealous that they gave me ANY praise bc#you were used to getting ALL of it.#the fact i did anything good and they acknowledge it was a fucking miracle for me. otherwise they didn't think i amounted to anything.#idk how you have fucking convinced yourself that you were somehow the black sheep. like AT ALL.#i think you're literally just upset that you couldnt discourage me out of literally THE ONLY THING PEOPLE ENJOYED THAT I DID#you were so used to having control over the narrative over me that for the one time you couldnt you short circuted#like i have no idea how to convey to you that you are 100% 'the narcissist' in this situation.#you deflect ALL the time. you NEVER EVER EVER FUCKING BLAME YOURSELF FOR ANY FUCKING THING.#YOU COME UP WITH A MILLION EXCUSES FOR WHY YOU ACT CERTAIN WAYS TO PEOPLE EVERY TIME#SO MUCH SO THAT YOU'VE BECOME A FUCKING CONSPIRACY THEORIST BC THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN BE INNOCENT#AFTER ALL THE SHIT YOU'VE DONE IS TO BELIEVE SOME WACK SHIT ABOUT THE REST OF THE WORLD.#i bet you havent even let yourself have the thought 'what if im 'the narcissist'?'#it stings your ego so much to think about how shitty you've been to everyone around you.
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