#and god knows how long it'll be before we can get another vet

[wintermage]

feeling that level of work burnout where not only am i burnt out on my current job, i can’t imagine any job in any industry being any better.

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: get out of work early, I need your help Edie: alright Edie: what are we doing? Liam: I finished a 🎬📽🎞 & it has to be screened tonight at a specific time Edie: do you know what cinema you wanna infiltrate Edie: like, max capacity blockbuster moment or a more independent arthouse style? Edie: I have ideas for both, if you don't already Liam: gotta be sold out seats for max exposure Edie: looking up whatever dumb superhero shit is on right now Liam: put the word out for me too, yeah? 📢 you've got more 👀 on you Edie: of course Edie: keep it vague but intriguing? Edie: what's the angle Liam: my sister is Edie: your sister? Liam: she's 16, would've been Liam: today Edie: the film is for her Edie: not a hard sell Edie: every twat loves a party Liam: every twat's forgotten about her already Liam: I have to do something Edie: I'll get all the people there I can Edie: 16 is a big one Liam: I'm looking for a cake to blow up Liam: big enough to splatter lots of rows but not too huge to sneak in Edie: really do need a pram Edie: if you do wanna go big, my ma has a kiln, easy to bake in and quicker Edie: I could put it in a backpack or some ridiculously oversized handbag my sister has Liam: you're amazing Edie: you or the audience haven't tasted the cake yet Liam: be more fitting if it tastes bad Liam: like we're shoving bittersweet down everyone's throats Liam: & in their faces Edie: that's easily done Edie: toxic hazard here we come Edie: how long have you been working on the vid? Liam: a while Edie: are you happy with it? Liam: there's no more time left to do edits Liam: I gotta get it out there, like I said Liam: 18 is gonna need something bigger Edie: timing is key Edie: did you talk about it Edie: what she'd want to do Liam: looking that far ahead wasn't something she let herself do Edie: that's fair Edie: I haven't looked that far ahead before Edie: we'll make it special Edie: something she'd approve of Liam: there has to be some way to throw a party after that's not the standard gay shit Edie: an anti-party Liam: yeah, without being ☢️ & barcode tattoos about it Edie: so a disgusting cake, what else can we fuck up Edie: bastardized 🎈s are almost a given Edie: maybe we can play some party games Liam: use your talents on the happy birthday song Edie: I'll do my best for you both Edie: did she believe anything happened after you die? Liam: she wanted to come back as someone else, show up back in my life just when she reckoned it'd gotten settled & boring Liam: but I don't think she really believed that, just didn't want me to turn into one of those twats Edie: yeah, most people want to believe something like that Edie: some continuation Edie: but the percentage who genuinely do, I don't know Liam: a lot of shit she said was for my benefit of my ma's, I don't know if she knew I knew that but I did Edie: Yeah Edie: but through reassuring you, she was probably trying to give herself that same comfort Edie: again, whether it worked is unlikely, but we keep going 'til we don't Liam: yeah Liam: I have certainty in her not wanting everyone to act as if she was never here this fast, I'm going with that Liam: her friends, a lad she liked, they're supposed to give more of a shit Edie: we'll make them remember Edie: I was thinking Edie: she'd be in transition year now Edie: they're always having bollocks seminars and lectures Edie: that would be easy to hijack Edie: well, not easy, but we could Liam: you're so fucking smart Liam: I didn't even think Edie: it'd be a way to get the ones who won't hear our call tonight Edie: which are arguably the ones who need a lesson in caring more so Liam: keep it going like pass the parcel Edie: a project worth the waste of time that whole year is Liam: then a holiday, me & you Liam: where we won't waste any time Edie: are we going to find a holiday home? Liam: did you like living with me? Edie: so much Edie: I wanna live with you properly Edie: all the time Liam: then yeah, we'll find a holiday home & when we get back you can move into mine Edie: really? Liam: our mas will both have shit to say about it but so do we Edie: if they're really going to object to that degree Edie: we'll work for enough money to rent our own place Liam: & sleep wherever else we have to until we've got that Edie: as long as I'm with you Edie: I miss you when I'm not Liam: I wanna be with you all the time too Edie: maybe if we split our time between mine and yours, they wouldn't even notice Liam: they can tell themselves they're keeping a better 👀 on us if we do Edie: yeah, and it's not 'as serious' as moving in together Edie: in their minds Edie: guess it'd be better if we were going 'round sleeping with anyone and everyone Liam: I've had more offers since I got a girlfriend than before Liam: must be a shared view between our parents & lots of the girls at school Edie: 😡 Edie: adds to them feeling something if they get to fuck someone over at the same time as, I guess Liam: I'll never hurt you or let anyone else do it Edie: I know you won't Liam: I love you Edie: I love you Edie: no one is gonna stop us from living the life we want Liam: [a pic of a pram he has stolen for her to fill with stuff and there's a birthday pinata in there currently like oh hi] Liam: I found this for you Edie: 😍 Edie: Baby! Edie: you got me wheels Liam: I couldn't stop thinking about you struggling with a heavy backpack Edie: You're so sweet and I'm so excited Edie: is what's going in the pinata a surprise? Liam: I was gonna tell you but lets keep the excitement going Edie: is it 🕷s Edie: or 🦷 Liam: do you know where I can get that many 🦷? Liam: that'd be a great idea Edie: 🤔 Edie: maybe a vet's dumpster Edie: think people dentists study 'em Liam: maybe my ma kept our 👶 teeth Liam: I'll have a look Edie: Mine kept hers Edie: you'd need quite a few to make an impression Liam: the fake blood I'm gonna add will help Liam: but you're right Edie: there's loads of roadkill around mine Edie: could get that for the 🦴🦴 Liam: I don't know if I want you touching it though Liam: you could get sick or something Edie: I've got gloves Edie: the only illness they had was potentially bad eyesight 🚗 Liam: you've gotta be careful, baby Edie: okay Edie: for you Edie: how else can I help you though? Edie: the cake is in Liam: keep thinking, all your ideas are perfect Edie: I wanna be Edie: what about spiking the drinks, but not in a fun way Edie: or is that too 👿 Edie: just a laxative or something, nothing mad Liam: it don't matter, we won't drink it Edie: I definitely won't Edie: don't even miss any of it Liam: we need something that'll make them 🤮 she did lots of that Liam: only fair Edie: what does that 💊🧪 wise Edie: too much salt is a dead giveaway with one sip Liam: charcoal is probably too big a giveaway too Liam: & you can't get ipecac no more Edie: 😕 ugh Liam: we'll have to settle for the laxatives Edie: they'll make themselves sick all on their own Liam: you did make a fucking disgusting cake Edie: you don't even wanna know what I put in it 😏 Liam: I want all your secrets Edie: you can have everything Edie: [a gruesome list of god knows what] Edie: it smells so gross cooking right now Liam: don't make yourself 🤮 Edie: I'm getting some fresh air Liam: what can you 👀? Edie: from here, the pond Edie: which also smells, so I might need to go look at the 🍅🥔s growing instead Liam: go decide on your outfit Edie: what do you want me to look like? Liam: beautiful Edie: nothing more specific? Liam: nah, not until I've seen what you come up with Liam: you test well Edie: 🤞 Liam: 😍 Edie: that's what I want Edie: always Liam: I want you Edie: I can't wait to go away with you Edie: are we going to the sea Liam: we can Liam: we can go anywhere you like Edie: I just wanna watch the sun go down under the waves with you Liam: you watch that, I'll watch your face while it does Edie: You're so Edie: you make me feel like a person Edie: a real one, that matters Liam: you matter to me, Eds Edie: I'm not used to this feeling Liam: you know I'm not either Liam: we'll get used to it Edie: it's like I believe you but I can't believe it Edie: if that makes sense Liam: I get it Liam: I do need you to believe me though Edie: I do Edie: you're just perfect Liam: nah, I'm not Edie: to me then Liam: whatever's wrong with me, we're good together Edie: we're going to make a perfect baby Edie: that always feels like a person Liam: I'm gonna love it even if things go wrong Liam: I need you to know that too Edie: I know you will Edie: and I believe that Edie: I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't Edie: you won't be able to not love your own child Edie: even if it's hard Liam: & I'll wanna be with you, perfect or not Liam: whatever else happens Edie: we can do it Edie: I love you and I want it to work Edie: I wanna be a good mum and give the baby all the love and attention and everything it could ever want and need Edie: that is so much more than most people have Liam: the baby is so fortunate to have you for its ma Liam: you've done everything right already & its not even here yet Edie: I wanna do it right Edie: I can't imagine doing it wrong Liam: I know you will Liam: you set your mind on shit & it gets done, that's how you are Edie: makes me sound like an assassin Edie: don't hate that Liam: I don't hate thinking about you holding a 🔪 Edie: next video Liam: it'll be on my mind until then Edie: I can give you a preview Edie: if you show me the fake blood Liam: [does obviously] Edie: 🤤 Liam: I made extra for you knowing you'd be into it Edie: That's just one of the reasons we work Liam: are you gonna give me the rest of them? Edie: I'll start on the list but I don't know if it'll ever be done enough to be conclusive Edie: and I'd hate for you to think I'm not serious Liam: that's another reason why we work Edie: see, they keep adding up Edie: good thing I didn't commit to tattooing it on me Edie: run out of space so quick Liam: I don't think her video is done enough Liam: I don't know what to do Edie: You'll regret it if you miss her birthday, I think Edie: you'll have chances to add to it and improve on it every year if you want Edie: it's a tough one to know what's enough on, yeah Edie: 'cos what could be Liam: if it's shit I'll have ruined her birthday Edie: do you think it's shit? Liam: I can't tell Liam: I can't feel anything Edie: I can watch it before you show it Edie: or you can just do it Edie: they aren't going to forget it though, regardless, and that's what you want, yeah Edie: for them to remember her Liam: you've gotta watch it on a big screen Liam: I'll watch you & I'll know if it's good or not Edie: okay Edie: I won't tell you I know it'll be good Edie: cheapen my actual reaction Liam: 👌 what do you wanna tell me instead? Edie: another reason we work is you're talented and creative too Liam: I have to try to bring something to the table if we want a perfect baby Edie: you mean aside from how insanely hot you are Liam: its gonna look like you so that don't count Edie: maybe it'll get to be tall like you Edie: my 10 year old sister is already taller than me Liam: you only wanna be taller for kissing me Liam: there'll be a no dating rule until they're like old enough to properly move out Edie: might save your back, that's all Edie: they won't need to, they'll be happy with us Liam: I've already saved yours with this pram, I'm not bothered about mine Edie: but I am Edie: I'll invest in some stilts Liam: & have you snatched up by the circus, nah Liam: don't matter if its twins in there, I'll pick you all up Edie: 🥰 Edie: you make me look and feel like that emoji, legitimately Liam: [a picture of some random people he's sneakily taken a photo of while he's out and about and changed so they have no eyes because he misses and wants to see her rn] Edie: ooh baby Edie: 👁s would be a great pinata filling Liam: have we got time to turn 🍇 or some gay shit into 👀 like a ma on halloween? Edie: OH Edie: speaking of mas Edie: just had a 💡 Liam: what? Edie: she has mealworms to feed the 🐦🦅s Edie: too late for the cake but how perfect Liam: genius Edie: my next idea was going to get some caviar but I don't think my wage is stretching that far Liam: I could steal some Liam: dunno where the fuck from though Edie: bet they don't have any at the spar Edie: there are tadpoles in the pond but I'm not murdering them Liam: the worms will work Liam: I'm on my way to yours, how long til the cake is cooked? Edie: you're coming here Edie: 😄😄😄 the excitement is only going ↗️ Edie: about 10 minutes, though a bit of burning can't hurt Liam: I thought you'd like a hand with decorating Edie: I'd like to see you Liam: you miss me too Edie: so bad Liam: I know Edie: come see me Liam: I kept the secret for as long as I could but I'm nearly there now Edie: no secrets, right Liam: I don't want there to be Edie: I'll tell you everything you wanna know Liam: tell me what we're doing tomorrow Liam: after this Edie: we're gonna get in the car and drive 'til we get somewhre we want to stop Edie: and we'll get fish and chips and ice cream and play on the beach and then we can talk about bringing the baby back and doing it all again Liam: the baby's face when it eats ice cream for the first time Liam: & feels what sand is like Liam: we'll film it all Edie: 🥺 Edie: I feel like I might cry? Liam: everything we don't remember any more we'll do again with our 👶 Edie: there's so much good stuff to relive Edie: stuff we didn't get to do too Liam: yeah, there's lots of shit I've not done Liam: I used to feel properly awkward about it Edie: just 'cos my childhood was weird in an 'exotic' way doesn't mean it weren't too Edie: there's loads of Irish childhood staples that we didn't have Edie: we'll make that list too, for the 👶 Liam: I can't think of a better way to start the baby book Edie: I'm gonna do it for your birthday Liam: yeah? Edie: I've got a feeling Liam: that might be knowing that I'm outside Edie: [dramatic run out] Liam: [we know he's as extra and would immediately stop whatever he's doing/ drop whatever he's holding so they can kiss dramatically, don't get a hole in that pinata yet sir] Edie: [ah you crazy kids, dunno where the rest of the fam is tbh] Liam: [100% gonna say he puts her in the pram and pushes her into this gaff like a giant nerd, so imagine her just squished in there please] Edie: [LOL adorable, try not to break it already] Liam: [you probably don't have time to do pram repairs on top of everything else lads] Edie: [we got schemes honey] Liam: [if you don't draw on each other with icing pens when you're decorating this cake I don't wanna know either of you] Edie: [my boo has put her foot down] Liam: [all the tattoo practice and ideas in any possible artistic medium thank you] Liam: [we all know what saucy behaviour you'll be getting up to as soon as he gets there though] Edie: [but the softest ever tbh 'cos a tough day and you just wanna make sure he's okay] Liam: [honestly there's only so busy you can keep yourself boy, we all see you] Edie: [not gonna force you to talk on it but also gonna be clear it's an option] Liam: [he's just trying to get today over with as if tomorrow and on any other day he won't think about it, oh hun] Edie: [mood] Liam: [where is his mother? what is she doing rn? those are my real questions] Edie: [sad things don't think about it Liam: [anyway we know the vibe so is there anything else you wanna make a point of happening rn before we skip to the aftermath?] Edie: [hmhmhmmm we can probably skip] Liam: [everyone gonna be cross at you lads] Edie: [I like to think the fam was there earlier so they were already moody, but then you come back with the police and you're gonna skip town tomorrow so lol] Liam: [his poor mum having to go down the garda station when she's already living her best life, likewise gonna be in a great mood] Edie: [safe to say you will not be invited back tonight gal] Liam: [Rio is gonna tear Liam a new one cos he was all I'm gonna look after her it's chill when they last talked haha] Edie: [oh lordy] Liam: [I just hope they got to do all their creepy plans before the police ruined it] Edie: [or at least the important ones, and that it went well in that people are talking about it] Liam: [gotta let you have that] Edie: [tis important and a mood] Edie: how's your ma now Liam: she's still going Edie: I thought she'd like it Edie: if you explained what you did Liam: she likes what we did but not how Liam: she don't understand that playing it in the sitting room wouldn't work Edie: she wants to keep it all private Edie: if people feel uncomfortable it's only because they should Liam: we know that Edie: is she more 😭 or 😤 Edie: one is easier to deal with Liam: it's both, at the same time for a while Edie: that must be so exhausting Liam: it's just what she's like Edie: you've not really known her any different? Liam: I must have, but I don't remember Liam: not clear enough Edie: I'm sorry Edie: if I could've taken the blame harder, I would've Liam: I don't want you to take any of it Edie: I don't care about getting into trouble Liam: you will if it sticks next time & you maybe can't earn as much cash Liam: be the perfect ma you've set your heart on Edie: not at the sake of you though Edie: it's so unfair I couldn't take my fair share Liam: you did, you weren't there for the shit I did before that got me my talking to from the 🐷 Liam: it's about her not you Edie: yeah, I know Edie: wish we'd saved the pinata for them though 🐷🤮☠ Liam: we'll make a 🎬📹 I've still got the rave masks Edie: Yes Edie: it's the least we can do Liam: you'll feel a bit better at least Edie: no, it's not about me Edie: how do you think it went, before they showed Liam: you thought it went decently I could see it in your 👀 Edie: it did Edie: it was beautiful Edie: but did you like it? Liam: I reckon she would've Edie: she'd be proud, for sure Liam: yeah Edie: but I am, whilst I can't guarantee that Edie: I can this Edie: are we still going tomorrow Liam: I'll show up, if you can't get out send me a 6 Edie: I'll get out Liam: safely Liam: I'm not gonna watch you fall out your window Edie: I won't, babe Edie: no guard dogs here Edie: they can't keep permanent watch Liam: no 🔥🌉 either though Liam: your ma must already hate me Edie: I'm not staying though Edie: I'll pretend to listen to them Liam: I understand baby, I don't want to be here Edie: I want to take you to the beach Liam: we'll go then Liam: smooth it over after if we have to Edie: I don't know how to care about making them happy, never mind doing it Liam: all you need to do is say what they wanna hear Edie: wait 'til they hear about the baby Liam: we just won't tell them until your 🤰 makes us Edie: but 'til then Edie: literally who knows what they want Liam: we know what your sister wants, she told me Liam: we'll base it off that, be good Edie: 🙄 Edie: she's a fine one to talk Liam: don't you wanna behave with me & for me? Edie: for you, not them Liam: I'm only asking you to do it for me Liam: so they won't be getting in our way Edie: what do you want me to do now then? Edie: tell me Liam: explain why we did it but pretend you're sorry that it got out of hand Edie: alright Edie: I'll hate every second of it but I'll do it Liam: I'll make it up to you Edie: tell me how Liam: 💍 Liam: I'll get you one Edie: you already got me a pram Liam: that was for the 👶 too, I wanna give you something that's just yours Edie: oh Edie: will I have to hide it too though Liam: as long as you don't bury it Edie: we could pretend it's not THE 💍 Edie: put it on a different finger Liam: you've still got great ideas after earlier Liam: you really are a genius Edie: Hardly Edie: I'm just trying very hard to be very good for you Liam: you don't even have to try Edie: I do when it means having to hide how I feel about you Liam: nobody can say shit about me promising to marry you one day Edie: they say all kinds of shit Liam: you don't have to hide that we're in love whatever they say Edie: I never will Edie: they know I am, that they can't change that Liam: if you don't wanna be good we can leave tonight Edie: you're right that it'll make shit easier Edie: I can ignore them Liam: I don't care about shit being easier if you're not happy Edie: I am happy Edie: they might not be happy with the way it's come about but they can't harp on it too hard without making me miserable Liam: I couldn't have done everything today without you Edie: I'm glad I could do that for you Edie: that's how it should be Edie: is going to Edie: I've got your back, you've got mine Liam: yeah, like a family Liam: me & you are, however long this baby takes to show up Edie: there's nothing you could ask that was too much of me, seriously Liam: not a test this time Edie: can handle it either way Liam: I know 👀 Liam: but I can't handle missing you more than I do, if you wanna like be a huge bitch to me or something like Edie: I could try if you wanna be less loveable for a sec too Liam: one sec I'll have to try & stop thinking about how alive you were tonight first Liam: & find a less gay way to say it than that while I'm working on it Edie: you say gay, I say workable lyric or tat inspo Liam: when you've filtered it through your 🧠 it'll be right Liam: all I know is beautiful wouldn't be good enough Liam: 🎇🎆 Liam: either Liam: I think the closest would be when you get a puddle of petrol, all those colours, that kinda bullshit Edie: I wish I could tattoo that onto me Edie: a bruise would be closest to that Edie: but I wish I could see me how you see me more Liam: I'll start filming, see what I can do Edie: you have a year 'til my birthday too Liam: lots of chances to get footage then Edie: be good for the baby too, when it grows up Edie: see we loved them before they even got here Liam: we'll record as much as we can Liam: starting at the beach tomorrow Edie: we'll make a sandcastle dreamhouse Edie: and find the perfect shell to start a collection for them Liam: I don't think I've ever made one Edie: 1/8 ratio water to sand is a good start Edie: then it depends if you want the castle buckets, or a plain one so you can sculpt it yourself Edie: add seaweed, shells and pebbles, et voila Liam: I'm gonna look for enough shells to make a mobile too Edie: 🌌🧠💡 Liam: maybe we can make it sound on top of looking nice Edie: if we find some driftwood too, that would be 🔝 Liam: we'll go back if we don't Liam: until we do Edie: if we like it we can move there Liam: what kind of 🏠 do you want? Edie: one that's the perfect size for just us three Edie: and always feels cosy and like a home and is the place you actually always wanna come back to because it's that comforting Liam: 🗺❌ Liam: I'll take you hunting Edie: maybe we'll find another to takeover when we're down there Liam: lots of them are holiday homes now summer's over they'll be empty Edie: and not everyone invests in good security, even though they're rich enough to Liam: pick the one you like best, I'll get us in Liam: most people don't bother changing their alarm codes from the default Edie: right Edie: they kinda deserve it Liam: if you're not gonna treat your shit like you want it, someone else will take it Liam: why not us Edie: 9️⃣9️⃣9️⃣ Liam: how long can we stay this time without your ma calling that number herself? Edie: when we're on our way, I could tell her we've gone Edie: rude of her to stifle our creativity 📹🎞📼 Edie: but if we give her something, she might freak less Liam: you got any 🎁 in mind? Edie: you mean getting her a stick of rock or? Liam: whatever works Liam: you know I'll do it Edie: It's not even you, they admit they don't know you Edie: maybe we give them the chance, when we do come back? Liam: 🎲 Liam: alright Edie: it might be totally unbearable Edie: I make no promises to the contrary Liam: you don't have to, you'll be there Liam: unbearable is when you're not Liam: like now Edie: I know Edie: it hurts my heart not being with you right now Liam: if my ma decides to stop, I'll call you Edie: do Edie: I'll get out of here as soon as I'm physically able Liam: me too Liam: even if it means I'm waiting outside for you 👀 Liam: 🛰🌏 Edie: You can wait outside my window any time Liam: 📹🎞📼 Liam: 🤫 Edie: 😳 Edie: everything you do is hot Liam: I'm thinking about you whenever I do anything, maybe that's why Edie: I won't dispute that Edie: even though you definitely deserve more credit Liam: you can give it to me when the credits roll on your film & you realise what you look like to me Liam: & that everything I do is to turn you on or make you smile, laugh, all that happy shit Edie: I don't know what I ever did to deserve you Edie: but I'll be a better person from now if it means I get to keep you forever Liam: nah, don't change a single thing Edie: 🤏 😈 🤏 😇 Edie: got it Liam: we won't show every 🎬🎞 to the 👶 Liam: or every 🎤🎧 either come to think of it Edie: got to have things to protect them from Edie: may as well be us, not actually a threat Liam: [sending her all the cute baby videos such as when they eat a 🍋 etc like this will be us because we can't be dealing with our mother popping off anymore] Edie: [sending her stuff of the twins 'cos that big sister evidently lol] Edie: him* soz babe Liam: [Grace would die if she knew] Edie: [when you are 10 and MORTIFIED honey] Liam: [when his ma is having a breakdown and he's just spamming the bae with random adorable baby content from the internet casually] Edie: [so sorry to your ma but also not sorry we did] Liam: [he can't handle all your emotions gal I'm soz, we're living our best fantasy life here instead] Liam: [I vote this happens until he can actually call her and thus end the convo cos we know they highkey enough to do that]

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

Pt.3

Seyoon was unpacking all the late night snacks he had gotten onto a blanket at a secluded rooftop. Hearing footsteps he looked up to see Guerin, who looked different than usual. She didn't appear to be wearing any makeup, had her normal stud earrings but had a cute black mask with a white sharp toothy grin. She was dressed in joggers and a sweatshirt with the hood up. He cocked his head at her as she approached.

"I know, I look like shit. But it was late and I'd already gotten ready for bed. You can't expect me to spruce up after that." Guerin guessed at his expression.

"You look fine. Cozy. It's just different. Also you're late." He shrugged and patted the blanket next to him, sitting as he leaned against the wall behind him.

"I got lost..." she grumbled, "I've never been great with directions." She sat down in the spot he indicated, looking over the spread he had brought, "Good grief I thought you just wanted tteokbokki."

Seyoon smiled automatically, "You said you hadn't eaten, and I know how much you like food so I thought I should get some options." Guerin leaned her head in his direction and offered a wry smile under her mask, unable to argue with his logic. "Besides, I got this for us too." He pulled out an additional bag, from which he drew two paper cups, a bottle of soju and two cans of beer.

Guerin raised her eyebrows and sat up straight, "Oh we're drinking too?"

"We have to. It goes well with tteokbokki, fried chicken and jajangmyeon." He shrugged nonchalantly as he began opening everything up and handing Guerin some chopsticks. "Although it's blueberry soju. I thought you might like that."

"How did you figure that?" She asked, sneaking a piece of tteokbokki and pulling her mask to her chin to eat it.

"Well you said before you liked Grapefruit and Plum but I couldnt find it, so I thought blueberry was the next best option." Seyoon shrugged, separating the cups and pouring soju into them, handing one to Guerin and offering his as cheers.

She laughed in response and took her shot, "Honestly I dont know how that train of thought lines up but you aren't wrong." She watched as Seyoon refilled the cups and couldn't keep the grin from her face, "You really went all out for this, it's awesome. Thank you."

He shrugged again, looking up at her and their eyes met briefly before both looked away to select food options, "Food makes things better." He said simply.

"Cheers to that." They both took another shot and then ate in silence for a while.

"So... how are you?" Seyoon asked awkwardly, unsure of how to broach the subject.

"I'm fine, all things considered." Guerin said almost mechanically, "I keep telling people that."

"Okay... but how are you really?" Seyoon asked again, leaning back to look at Guerin. She sighed and set her chopsticks down and didn't speak for a moment.

"Well. What do you know happened?" She asked finally.

"I know you were attacked by that crazy lady. I know you were arrested but you were cleared because of video evidence. I know that she is being charged by the company. But I also know you haven't been with HEET lately." He trailed off.

Guerin reached over for one of the beers. Seyoon cracked it open and put it in her hand, grabbing his as well while she took a sip, leaned back against the wall and looked up at the sky.

"Yeah. We were worried something might happen again. So part of our plan included recording any more altercations that might occur. Self defense laws are tricky and it's usually one person's word against another. Plus as a foreigner, and a big one, we knew some witnesses might not provide unbiased information." She paused and took another sip, "The boys were so brave, they did exactly as they were supposed to. That woman had some gross stuff in that present too. Police said it was unwashed underwear, a vial of blood, another of spit..." she scrunched her nose, "stuff like that."

"Sounds like you guys have the law on your side." Seyoon said, waiting for more information.

Another sip and pause before she spoke, "Yeah, we do. We're able to press charges. The company is suing her. She might see jail time. They even made me go to the hospital to make sure they had a medical report for the court."

"Wait medical report?" Seyoon looked over at her, surprised, "What happened?" Now that she had pulled down her mask and he was looking closely he saw the cut and slight bruising at the corner of her mouth as she smiled dryly and tapped her cheek.

"I let her hit me. I figured if she looked unharmed and I was injured it would go better for us too."

"You're crazy." He sounded almost admiring as he leaned in closer, "Let me see that, does it hurt?"

"It's fine, I've been hit in the face many times, and she's probably the smallest adult that's ever taken a swing at me. It doesnt hurt at all. OW WHY?" She flinched and cried out as he poked the bruising.

His eyes widened and he let out a snort of laughter, "Doesn't hurt at all?"

"You little shit." She laughed and smacked his hand away from her face, "Of course it'll hurt if you press a bruise."

He giggled again, "Sorry. It does look like it hurts a lot. You should maybe stop letting people hit you in the face."

She laughed, "Well it hasn't always been a choice, this one was though."

"So... there's more right?" He asked after their laughter had subsided.

Guerin avoided his eyes by taking a longer drink from her beer, "Yeah. There's been some blowback. Some false stories have gotten out and theres some people that claim I'm making a bad name for HEET or that I was the one who started it, that I instigated a fight or was being rude to a fan. There's quite a lot that demanded I be removed as manager, actually."

"So they caved?" Seyoon asked disbelievingly.

"Well. Kind of?" Guerin sighed, "I've been temporarily removed. Right now with the case going and the false information it's actually less safe for HEET to be around me in case someone tries to target me. So until things are officially able to be released..." she stopped talking abruptly blinking rapidly, trying to hide it with another long gulp of beer. "It's not like I've been fired. I'm grateful for that. Another company would probably have written me off as more trouble than I'm worth. They have me doing other work right now but... I liked my job. I loved my boys, and looking after them." She couldnt hide the tears running down her face now, and didn't bother to try.

Seyoon floundered, watching her face then looking around before seeing napkins and hurriedly handing them to her. She smiled and thanked him, dabbing her cheeks half heartedly before giving up and chugging the rest of her beer through her tears. With an unconvincing smile she looked at Seyoon, "So that's what I mean when I say all things considered. I'm fine."

He didn't saying anything right away, pulling his long shirt sleeve over his hand, he leaned over and dabbed at her face to dry it. She started to pull away, shocked, but he reached out with his other hand and held her in place. "Hold still." She didn't fight back, he was so close and so handsome she couldn't help but feel somewhat transfixed, despite her stomache dropping and heart pounding, all she could do was freeze until he let her go. He picked up his chopsticks, selected a large piece of fried chicken and put it to her mouth, which she accepted without complaint.

"It's okay to be sad when bad things happen. You don't have to lie to everyone." He paused and added quietly as though he wasn't sure he should be saying it, "You don't have to lie to me."

Guerin choked, "Oh my god." She swallowed as soon as she could and laughed, "Are you using lines on me to seem cool? Is this a drama?" She laughed again.

"Yah." He protested, "I was just trying to be supportive."

Guerin laughed again then fed him some tteokbokki, "You're as adorable as a cicada." She said and pinched his cheek.

"I am so much more handsome than some bug." He protested around the food in his mouth.

"Of course you are." She put a shot of soju in his hand, cheersed and downed hers. He followed shortly.

"Thanks though." She glanced at him, "It means a lot."

He playfully shoved her and stole her chopsticks, which started a whole new bickering fit.

Charlie had been working up the nerve all morning to talk to her boss. It was a privilege to be allowed to be so hands on with animals and she didn't want her boss to think she was taking advantage... but it was such a cool opportunity. She had to at least try.

"Byun Minsoo-ssi." She lead off tentatively. The lead vet looked up from her paperwork. Perhaps she looked stern simply from Charlie's point of view but it was just as believable that she was no-nonsense in everyday life as well.

"Yes? Charlie-ssi?"

"I have a friend who is a manager for an idol group, she is friends with a group called A.C.E and I wondered if they could come behind the scenes to meet some of our animals?" Charlie ventured cautiously.

Minsoo paused for a moment before speaking "A.C.E? Your friend knows A.C.E? And they want to come here?" Her attempt to play it cool was poorly hidden and gave Charlie confidence.

"Yes! I'd like to invite my friend Guerin and A.C.E to come and see what we have. I think it would be an excellent opportunity to promote the zoo and educate on the importance of conservation!"

The normally serious Minsoo beamed at Charlie, "That's an excellent idea. Let's get in contact and organize something."

Charlie did a mental fist pump and hustled off to message her friends.

Deciding to keep the visit informal allowed the planning process to go more quickly. Approval from the higher ups and organizing with Beat Interactive took a few days. Guerin has been allowed to come as a personal guest for Charlie and A.C.E who requested she tag along. Guerin, never passing up a chance to visit the zoo, happily accepted. Charlie hoped it could provide her friend with a genuine mood boost. Guerin tended to internalize her negative emotions but Charlie could tell she wasn't her usual self.

"We'll do formal filming in the behind the scenes areas, but then we'll allow you to do your own self cam work throughout the areas of the zoo the public has regular access to." Minseok explained as A.C.E got last second touch ups.

"What animals are we seeing today?" Asked Chan excitedly. They were in the vet and quarantine areas so it was unpredictable what had been planned for them.

"It's a surprise." Charlie said, the most excited A.C.E had ever seen her.

Byun Minsoo would be taking the lead in speaking for the cameras but suggested Charlie stay by to help handle animals and manage the guests. Minsoo might be strict but she was fair, knowing Charlie wanted to do this with her friends she wasn't going to exclude her.

Guerin was hanging back with Minseok as preparations were made. "Noona do you know what we're gonna see?" Chan tried to wheedle from her, pouting slightly. Guerin stared pointedly away from him.

"Don't pull that cute stuff on me, I can't tell you." Of course she knew what animals Charlie was working with, she couldn't let some aegyo spoil the surprise. Chan pouted more and shook his shoulders in a small tantrum.

"Alright that's enough." Minseok stepped in before Guerin could cave, he redirected A.C.E to the main area so they could begin filming. The recording started with a tour of the facilities, showing equipment and how to accommodate all the different animals they had based on type and size. They explained the importance of training animals to participate in their own veterinary care voluntarily then showed them a video example of a mountain lion presenting for a blood draw, and a gorilla opening it's mouth for its teeth to be examined, or a macaque presenting its arm for an insulin injection. Minsoo continued to talk about the research and breeding that the zoo participated and how it was vital for conservation efforts and how it benefitted animals in the wild.

The boys were perfect guests, asking questions and reacting well. They saw a few animals in the quarantine area, new to the zoo and waiting to be introduced to their new homes. The last area they were taken to was for longer term housing for animals that couldnt be in the usual enclosures. A spot had been sectioned, layered with blankets, plushies and other toys. The boys, perplexed, were instructed to go in and sit down with Minsoo while Charlie disappeared momentarily. She returned with an inauspicious crate, facing it away from A.C.E she opened the door and sat with Minsoo, both grinning for the surprise.

Two young tiger cubs tottered they way out, mowing. The trepidation left A.C.E as they all exclaimed in amazement and adoration. Minsoo and Charlie showed A.C.E how to bottle feed them, then let them take turns.

"Their mother was a first time mom, and she wouldnt take care of them." Minsoo explained as the boys cooed sadly, "It's not unusual for that to happen with new mothers even in the wild. But since we are here we made the choice to step in and help raise them." Once the babies were fed they were left to roam and play. One clambered into Jun's lap and fell asleep, the other playing with a toy with Donghun and Byeongkwan. Jun couldn't control his face, his amazement and joy at being chosen as he got everyone's attention and pointed to the sleeping kitten. Seyoon and Chan scooted near him to pet the sleeping animal. Charlie couldn't stop herself from grinning, Guerin knew at least part of it was Jun's reaction and not just the cute tiger cubs.

Once it was time to say goodbye to the kittens, A.C.E did their formal goodbye with them and the filming for behind the scenes ended. The rest of the staff and guests got an opportunity to greet the tigers as well and once Guerin had her turn she flagged down Charlie as the babies were taken back to their enclosure. After a brief talk with Minsoo who let out a restrained laugh and nod, Charlie and Guerin went to a series of smaller tanks on the opposite side of the room, Guerin returning with her hands closed suspiciously.

"We have one more animal for you to meet." Charlie said with a chuckle. Donghun was the only one with the good sense to he suspicious.

"This is one of my favorite animals." Guerin said with a grin, uncovering her hand and showing a large male Madagascar Hissing Cockroach sitting placidly in her hand. All five boys instinctively recoiled, Chan and Jun exclaiming in surprise. A.C.E's reaction elicited chuckles from most of the staff if they werent busy being disgusted themselves.

"It's okay guys. They're harmless!" Guerin said holding it up. Donghun and Jun recovered the fastest, still looking apprehensive and surprised respectively. Chan was behind Jun, leaning around him curiously but still looking fearful. Beyongkwan, eyes wide, didnt move forward so quickly and Seyoon was the furthest away had a very subtle terror that could only be read in his eyes.

"They're really cool, they're called hissing cockroaches cause they hiss!" She gave the cockroach a light pet down it's back which caused it to take two steps forward and hiss quietly as it protested the contact. The boys jumped again. "So insects dont have lungs, they breath through small holes along their body called spiracles. These guys have evolved to force air out of those holes to make a hissing sound that they use to communicate to each other or even predators! Their mouths are too small to bite us so they're harmless!" She was so enthusiastic in the explanation it couldnt help but draw the boys curiosity. She explained how to tell males from females and how most cockroaches are pests at all and how vital they are to the environment. Eventually Donghun worked up the courage first to touch it when offered. Jun became somewhat enamored and greeted the insect before he touched it, but jumped when it hissed before laughing at his own reaction. Chan actually opted to hold it and Byeongkwan even moved forward but Seyoon stayed in the back.

"Come on Hyung!" Chan called to him, looking more closely at the cockroach.

"I'm just looking at stuff over here you guys go on without me." Seyoon said, pretending to examine equipment near him.

"It is kind of cute." Jun admitted, petting it again, still jumping slightly when it hissed.

"On a scale of Seyoon to a Cicada how cute is it?" Donghun joked causing Jun, Chan, Byeongkwan, Guerin and Charlie to laugh.

[nemesis-nexus]

Darkest Greetings and Salutations my Family how is everyone? I am doing well, it’s the first day of Autumn yet it’s in the upper 80’s with crazy humidity, go figure! It’s supposed to be like this for a couple more days and then Autumn (should) start to wander across the threshold! I hope everyone is enjoying their Mabon/Autumn Equinox, I am about to go take a walk in the early night Air myself but before I do, I will leave this here. Fair warning, this one is about 8 pages long so be pace yourselves!

Mabon/Autumn Equinox 2019

Not only is today the beginning of Autumn, it is a day to take some time to reflect on all the things that we have been blessed with this year; from the new friends we've made to the old friendships we've maintained, new jobs to new members of the Family!

There is so much going on in the world that we need to be thankful for the things that we have no matter how minor we may think they are; remember what is minor to us could be quite a big deal to another! Things such as clean water which we take for granted - turn on the faucet and there it is - is a major deal for those who don't have that luxury! Food to eat is another huge deal for those who are not privileged to have access to their own! A roof over our heads doesn't seem like it yields a whole lot to be grateful for until you meet someone who doesn't have even THAT much!

This Mabon while you are giving thanks for all these things, don't forget that there are others who don't have much and not for lack of want or trying but because they have simply fallen on hard times! Take a moment to take stock of your own life and realize how good you really have it even if you are going through tough times yourself! There are many things we can do to help out, donating to a charity in good standing, volunteering in a soup kitchen, handing out supplies to those who are living on the streets to help them get through the harsh Winter months are a few examples!

When you are gathering supplies for your Mabon feast consider picking up a few items to donate to your local food bank and donate some items that you no longer use such as: clothing, blankets, toys and books to your local shelter where they will be put to good use once again by those who need them! Remember that NOT all those who fall on hard times or are taking up residence in a shelter are adults and they too need a helping hand! Compassion for our fellow humans and the natural world should always be the norm, NEVER the exception and it should not require a holiday for it to take place, everyday someone out there is struggling to get by and while things may not be easy for us, we have it better than some!

On Mabon we light the Fires and we take some of what we acquired from the Harvest and we share with our own families and friends, we express our gratitude for all we have and we look to the future to see what we need to do to keep things moving forward! With all that is happening it is important that we do our part to improve our communities - keeping in mind that we live here too - so whatever we can do whether it's joining the school board, coaching a team, running for office or taking part in a protest - ALL of these things can help bring to the forefront the issues that are currently plaguing this country so that they can be addressed and resolved instead of left to fester and become even worse as time goes on!

Also while you are enjoying the company and festivities, take a moment to acknowledge all those who are not able to do the same because they are on active duty Stateside and around the world and give thanks for their service as they are the frontline of our defense no matter where they are stationed! It’s not easy for anyone to be away from their family especially during the holidays but they chose to shoulder this burden not for their benefit, but for OURS! RESPECT! I mentioned donating to food banks and homeless shelters, what is REALLY needed for our homeless Vets is access to psychiatric care ESPECIALLY those who are dealing with very real and very debilitating issues such as PTSD, depression, rage and suicide! Our Vets need to be taken care of by getting the medical attention they need and being given employment so they can bring in a paycheck and afford to buy basic essentials - it is the VERY least we can do for them for everything they were willing to sacrifice for the rest of us!

More than anything we should express our gratitude for everything we have that Nature provides from the Air in our lungs, to the Earth under our feet, to the Water of Life to the Fire that warms us and the planet itself because without these things we as a species would cease to exist - as would the rest of the natural world - which is why we need to start taking better care of our ecosystem!

Now is the time when the world begins to prepare itself for the Season of Death, when the leaves begin to change color and fall to the ground and the trees go into a state of suspended animation; when bears go into hibernation and the birds fly south; when the squirrels begin to gather nuts; when all those who live off the land Harvest their crops and hunt their meat to store it for the long Winter ahead! Mother Earth provides everyone, human and animal alike, everything they need to survive in any climate which is why we need to remember ourselves and treat her with the respect she deserves instead of taking for granted everything that is readily available! The more we waste things, the more we pollute things, the less there will be for future generations and what we do have will be completely useless because it'll be so toxic that consuming it or being anywhere near it would be deadly!

This Mabon I would like to wish everyone in my Family both Blood and Spiritual as well as their families, to my friends and their friends a very blessed holiday! May your tables never be barren, your cups never be empty! May you know prosperity as well as generosity! May your health always be on the uptick, may anything that is a source of stress be resolved! May your loved ones know peace and tranquility and may they never go without!

I would like to thank everyone for being a part of my life especially those of you who were around between 2012 - 2015 and are still here, your loyalty means more than you know because it reminds me that there are still people out there that won't just cut and run when times get tough! There have been those who I thought were loyal who turned out to be acting as double agents which I find to be pointless especially if the ones they keep running back to are only manipulating them and casting them aside when they are no longer useful until the next time they are, but better to know who the weeds in my Garden are so that they can be pulled rather than live in denial because I don’t want to accept that those I called Brother or Sister not only betrayed me but also tried their damndest to damage my reputation from behind closed doors because they for whatever reason thought I wouldn’t find out! I’m not worried, let’s just say that Karma has a way of sorting these things out…

I would like to thank all the members of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, the Temple of the Ancient Dragon, the House of the Warrior Phenex and the Ancient Church of God, your presence is appreciated as without you neither my Temple nor House nor the ACoG would exist! While there have been some rough patches we have shown by example that so long as we stand together that nothing and no one can drive us apart! Loyalty in the face of adversity demonstrates the true strength of ANY bond whether it’s between two people, a group of people or an organization of any kind. This holds true especially if the group of people is all striving for a common goal in a sea of drama that constantly threatens to wash over anyone who isn’t paying attention!

The fact is that not everyone who smiles at us is our friend and a listening ear/reading eye can and oftentimes is also a running mouth especially when it comes to those who can’t hold a candle to you and yours and are so vindictively hateful that they will make up any story and tell anyone willing to listen in an effort to ruin your reputation and stop anyone else from having anything to do with you! We never need to concern ourselves with those who believe whatever they are told without question, however, if one (or more) of those people is in OUR House then it must be addressed and dealt with quickly lest this person become a liability by dispensing information revealed in private meetings or sharing personal information of other members with those outside the group! It’s a hard thing to accept to be sure but it makes ALL those who would never consider such actions shine that much brighter!

Most of all I would like to thank the Ancient Family who years ago reached out to me and never left my side even when I became an atheist in my teens and then back in December 2012 - go figure - reached out to me yet again when I began Walking the Gates of the Simon Necronomicon and showed themselves to me in various ways! We all start somewhere and even though the Necronomicon was overall a work of fiction, there are MANY seeds of truth sewn all throughout the pages! What I have learned since then is that no matter how lost we may get on our Path that the Ancient Family will always shine their Light to help us find our way, all we have to do is trust in ourselves and our Faith in them and let the Path reveal itself to us!

While there are always those who will read the stories and use that knowledge to present themselves as being superior, we know that no one who holds any real wisdom or power would use it to keep the rest of the people oppressed! We know this because for the last 2018 years those same stories were stolen and hidden away, their contents deliberately mistranslated and oftentimes outright misrepresented because those who chose the low road knew they were nothing special which is why they had to use violence and genocide to force their agenda on the rest of the people! Many of these people are the lowly decedents of Abraham, a reprehensible human being who embodies and represents the very worst of human nature! Through his thievery and deception he sought to make a name for himself by stealing and rewriting the stories of Sumer and other Cultures, casting down the ‘Pagan’ Gods until people were too afraid to remember them! I have news for that wretch and ALL his followers who demonstrate the same level of hatred and malfeasance towards the rest of us - YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!

One of the things that enrages me about Abraham is the absolute DEMAND of SUBSERVIENCE towards women, in the Ancient World it was NOT like this! In fact in Ancient Sumer men and women spoke two separate languages and the men ONLY learned the language of the women - the keepers of all things Spiritual, whose wisdom and assistance was sought out by everyone including soldiers and politicians - if the women deemed them worthy enough to be granted such an honor! I absolutely exalt NINHURSAG on the HIGHEST of THRONES and thank her and the rest of the Grand Council PROFUSELY for making me the way I am no matter how difficult and isolating it has made my Path at times because at the end of the day I can honestly say that I would never harm a child and I would be the first in line to take down any person or institution that would! I will NEVER tell people they need to hate anyone for something as trite as sexual identity or preference, same sex marriage has been legal in many places for a while now and I don’t recall the world coming to an end because of it, go figure!

The fact is all one has to do is look at the track record of ALL THREE of the Abrahamic Religions and then at the track record of legitimately practicing Satanists and you will see where the true “evil” is not only cradled but nurtured and unleashed! Then go back even further to the Ancient World and realize that for all their theft, lies and violence that the ONLY hold they have over anyone is PSYCHOlogical! Once a person realizes the truth about what REALLY happened and HOW things came to be as they are, they no longer feel obligated to feed that delusion! The second they stop feeding the delusion and they claim their independence of such debauchery is the second they are no longer a slave to Abraham and they are able to find the Path back to the REAL Mother and Father and the rest of the Family!

This Mabon I give thanks to the Ancient Family who lets me know that I am NO ONE’S SLAVE! That being said I would like to share on this Mabon/Autumnal Equinox all that for which I am grateful:

1) First and foremost I am grateful to the Ancient Family for helping me to find my Path, I admit it took a while to figure it out and there were many obstacles I had to overcome, but at the end of the day I understand why it was necessary.

It needed to happen this way so that not only would I have an actual appreciation for everything I gained through my personal trials, including wisdom and insight, but so that I would see the world with eyes unclouded, meaning that I would accept the truth no matter how much it might hurt. Part of this is accepting any situation – especially personal situations – for what they are and to not deny it out of a misguided sense of loyalty or duty to anything or anyone. One of the harshest lessons that lead to being able to do this was seeing people for who they are and to stop helping those who don’t deserve it! Unfortunately this can apply to family as much as friends and co-workers. One thing a person needs to keep in mind is that there is a huge difference between trying to help someone who is being resistant because they might have issues in their past that makes it hard for them to trust anyone and someone who takes both you and EVERTHING you do for them for granted!

The first may be dismissive because they aren't used to ANYONE giving a damn, the second has become so accustomed to others doing things FOR them that they don't bother doing anything for themselves or they continuously ask you for favors and get mad if you say no! There are those that will never accept your help no matter how sincere you are and then there are those that will not only accept your help but will milk it for all they can until such time as you cut them off, in both cases you have to let them go and move on!

2) I am grateful for my Family both Blood and Spiritual.

There are two forms of Family, our Blood Family whom we are connected to through biology and our Spiritual Family with whom we share a common Path and Belief. We may not always agree with our either one on everything especially religion, but we will go through the fire for them! Our Spiritual Family are the ones who offer us the kind of support that repairs most past damage that has been inflicted by those we have met all along the road called life and as such we in turn are able to help others through their difficult times. I am grateful for both because I know who I am and where I came from due to my Blood and Spirit; that is a privilege that many people are denied! I am grateful for my Spiritual Family because not only do we share a common bond through our beliefs but we also stand together regardless of where we come from or where we are going!

3) I am grateful for my Friends online and offline.

There are people that we meet in life who stay with us no matter what happens and these people may be physically present or they may be communicated with via the internet. While we may be able to hang out with our offline friends, go to the movies, have private conversations that can’t be hacked and go through the motions of life, our online friends are also a source of support especially in a social media forum where it can get so bad that it’s literally a free for all where it’s no holds barred. Online friends are also in many cases the only people that some have to talk to either because a person is deathly shy or because they need to talk to someone about something they feel they can’t speak to anyone in their immediate area about out of fear something may be overheard or that they might be betrayed by that person.

In essence online friends are something of a safe harbor because when we are in dire straits and there is no one else around to talk to, we can go online and talk to them. We must ALWAYS however be very careful who we trust because online friends CAN be a double edge sword, because unlike offline friends we can never be certain who we are talking to at first, however as time goes on and we become more and more familiar we can usually tell who is legit and who isn’t. Sad to say but people we know offline can be even shadier than those we meet online. It’s all a matter of paying attention and never taking anything at face value.

I am grateful to my offline friends because I have people I am able to physically be with and confide in and I am grateful to my online friends because no matter where I am (for example on a train for 24+ hours) I always have people to talk to! I am MOST grateful for those who start out as online friends and eventually become offline friends and in some cases Spiritual Family! Nobody crosses our paths for no reason, they are either there to become someone of importance to us personally or they are there to be a lesson to remind us that not everyone who enters our lives should be trusted and as such are not meant to stay.

4) I am grateful for my Temple as well as each and every member in it.

When I formed the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, it came on the heels of a VERY stressful time where I had to make a choice; either continue to be used by an ungrateful man child who felt he was entitled to have other people do his work for him while he took the credit and simultaneously disrespected me behind closed doors every chance he got, or lead by example and show the congregation that I had told many times to never be afraid to walk away from a bad situation and an equally toxic person.

I chose the latter and when I did that bad situation got even worse because not only was I accused of ruining the church while I was still running it, after I left I was accused of being a member of a terrorist group that exploited children and people were told to not trust me. There was so much more vitriolic and hateful things said but you get the idea. When I formed the TotED I vowed to not bring the drama into it and to also NEVER “recruit” members or otherwise bribe people into joining by offering automatic ordainments just for joining. In my opinion ANY rank or titled NOT EARNED is not only superficial, it is completely meaningless!

Ordainments should ONLY be offered if a person has demonstrated knowledge of the Path itself, the ability to think for themselves and not be lead by the nose and also has been a member of the Path long enough to prove their loyalty and that they are NOT just getting ordained because they can! There are too many people who claim all sorts of ranks and titles yet they have NO background in the Path and they don’t know anything other than what was dictated to them AFTER they joined the organization!

Mind you we all start somewhere and there is nothing wrong with learning about the Path after you join an organization, the problem is when the ONLY knowledge you possess is what is dictated to you and you demonstrate absolutely NO desire to learn anything else. This is dangerous because ALL cult leaders rely on their members to rely SOLELY on what they are told and to NEVER look things up for themselves. This shows a clear lack of personal application and NO ONE who lacks the desire to take part in their education or Spiritual awareness should ever be ordained because they have no more to offer someone else than the one who dictated copy and paste garbage had to offer them. In fact a person in that position stands to be more of a hindrance to someone else’s Spiritual growth and personal evolution than anything else. Not only this, but a person who cannot think for themselves or do their own research is someone who stands to MISREPRESENT the Deities rather than uphold his/her honor! This is an insult to the Deities primarily but also to the individual themselves as it insinuates that they are unable to stand on their own without the man behind the curtain feeding them their lines!

Enki, Ninhursag and Ningizheda created us to be able to stand together or alone, whichever the situation calls for, neither they nor the rest of the Ancient Family intended for us to ever become so dependent on another human - or THEM for that matter - that we are unable to function without them or to ever be so easily won over with empty titles and meaningless ranks that we would be willing to claim belief in something ONLY to hold said meaningless rank and titles!

There are few things I have and will ever ask from those looking to join or are currently in my Temple; one is that you join of your own accord as you will not be given anything except respect and support by myself as well as resources to begin your own personal journey on the Path. Your connection to the Family is your own, I cannot make it for you and despite what you may hear from other groups NO AMOUNT of contract writing in blood or any other medium will establish this connection. You need to approach the Family with respect and humbleness.

Two is that you are respectful of the other members keeping in mind that while you may possess advanced knowledge or at the very least MORE knowledge than some, that there are others who are just starting out and therefore there is no such thing as a stupid question. I would rather have someone ask me a question that has been asked 10,000 times before so that THEY know the answer than EVER have a member who is to afraid of retaliation in the form of harassment or flaming to even pose it in the first place! A person who is denied access to the same knowledge everyone else possesses is a person who will never know more than they previously did and that doesn’t help ANYONE trying to advance on their Path! Remember we ALL had our “first day” and we knew just as much then as the newbies know now, so for all intents and purposes we are not above them when it comes to following the Path!

Three is that you do NOT mindlessly attack ANYONE else regardless of their faith. If a person wants to be a Christian, Buddhist or Pastafarian that is entirely at THEIR discretion NOT YOURS and you have no more right or business to mock them than they do to mock us! If you emulate the behavior of your so called enemy then you are really no better than your so called enemy! Keep in mind if you want Satanism/Aasarism to be respected as a religion or Path then you need to ACT like you do! Also whenever you are out and about keep in mind that it is NOT just you or this Temple that you are representing when you talk to people, it is the entire Ancient Family and if you behave in a manner that reflects THEIR preconceived notions as to what Satanism/Aasarism is about or how Satanists/Aasarists behave then all you are doing is proving THEM right!

Words can never express fully how grateful I am to those who joined in the beginning - especially those who followed me from my old church - and stayed no matter how much drama was going on at the time! I am grateful that this Temple is 4.75 years strong with no signs of slowing down! I am grateful that people continue to join every day and while not everyone sticks around I take pride in the fact that they came in the first place! It shows that they were curious enough to want to know more and even though they decided this wasn’t for them, they could have just dismissed me completely as someone not worth their time!

There is so much more I am grateful for but at the end of the day but I think the thing I am most grateful for, aside from the afore mentioned, is that no matter how arduous the road that led me here has been, I kept moving forward and because I did I found my way back Home and even though new challenges arise every day in various forms, I know we will NEVER back up, we will NEVER back down! We will NEVER give up! We will NEVER give in! That so long as the Ancient Family is by our side, we can handle anything! It is my fervent hope that I convey all the lessons I have learned through my own experiences to every member of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon so that they may glean a little something from them and even avoid certain situations altogether so as to not have to go through what I did!

I would like to take this opportunity to say a resounding THANK YOU to the members of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, to my Sister Cindy who has helped me and continues to help me with various aspects of my Path, to my Blood Family for putting up with me, to my Spiritual Family for their continued support, to my Friends online and off for not abandoning me and especially to my Blessed and Most Exalted Father and Mother for showing me the way and for helping me to remain strong during the very worst of times - THANK YOU ALL! HAVE A MAGICKAL MABON AND A VERY BLESSED AUTUMN EQUINOX!

“O now is the time of the Harvest,

As we draw near to the years end

Now is the time of Mabon

Autumn is the time to descend

Old Woman waits patiently for us

At the threshold of the labyrinth within

She offers her hand that we may understand

The treasures that await at journeys end

O Great Mother has given of Her body,

We give thanks for Her fruit and Her grain

We then clear the fields so that next harvests yields

Will be full and abundant again.

Old Woman leads us through the darkness

Our most ancient and trusted of friends

She carries the light of spiritual insight

And leads us to our wisdom once again

And as we journey through the darkness

And as we continue to descend

We learn to let go of what obscures our soul

And re-discover our true being in the end

- Lisa Thiel (“Mabon/Autumn Equinox”)

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“In the Darkness we ignite the fire

And we dance in the light,

We feast, we drink, we laugh

We enjoy the company this Mabon night!

We work the Web that connects us all

Our focus we shall maintain,

We gather up all the energy

And send it into the Astral Plane!

We are thankful for everyone

All those who decorate our life,

We stand together in full support

No matter how severe the strife!

No matter where we are

No matter what we do,

We know we can count on Family

To always come shining through!

To the Ancient Family who stands tall

Their Honor tried and true,

You are the reason why we are still here

And tonight we revere you with endless gratitude!

-HPS Meg ”Nemesis Nexus” Prentiss”

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)

AVÉ IGIGGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS!

HAIL THE GREAT SERPENT!

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss