#when i started it was the very beginning of the pandemic so my only experience with regional management was zoom calls

[viktortittiforov]

the 2010s sure were a time in my life

[wintermage]

feeling that level of work burnout where not only am i burnt out on my current job, i can’t imagine any job in any industry being any better.

[maxwellatoms]

Hello Mr. Atoms, I'm an animation student in college and fan of your work. I got this assignment in which I need to ask questions to a professional in the area. Could you pretty please answer them? It'd mean a lot to me.

1- Are you happy with your career? How it's going.

2- What are your opinions, expectations and hopes about the independent animation industry that's developing?

3- What do you think about the advent of artificial intelligence? Do you fear for the future of animators?

4- If money wasn't a problem, would you still do what you do?

5- Any animators you admire and would like to mention?

Okey dokey.

1- Are you happy with your career? How it's going.

Not really, in that there seems to be no career left.

The animation industry swelled its numbers greatly before 2020. Almost immediately after that, corporate greed synergized with a pandemic to reduce animated programs and the number of people working on them to almost zero. It takes almost a year from beginning to end to make a single episode of an animated show (by the modern standard). There was nothing being made in 2020 and four years later, we''re not in a much better spot. It's going to be a long drought for (especially) Kid's TV Animation.

Recently, many of my former co-workers have hit the financial wall and can't continue, moving away after (sometimes) 20 years in the industry. I begin to wonder if I'm very far behind.

A "bounce back" a year from now would need to start today. There are still some animated shows being made now, but those are almost universally "library" properties. That means it's an existing I.P. (Intellectual Properties like Garfield/Mario/Batman/Star Wars) so as an artist you're immediately in that box. Depending on the property and the studio, it can be an unpleasantly tight box. I grew used to holding and maintaining the vision for a show, but it's less fun when it's not my vision. It's even less fun when you can't inspire someone to follow your vision because they've been so ruthlessly abused.

I'm pretty sick of how big media corporations treat their employees. If I inherit one more burnt out crew due to mismanagement, I'm gonna lose it.

Over a decade ago I fought hard to get board artists story credit for the episodes they were actually writing, and felt like I'd won a big victory for everyone. The second my back was turned, it all reverted.

Mostly... what is the point now? My career is/was developing ideas, crafting those ideas into a workable show, then managing teams of thirty to seventy people to produce a couple of dozen episodes per year. Studios actively do not want new ideas right now, and are actively searching for ways to eliminate what artists from the process. I'm not sure what my job would be under this new system, but it feels like they decided to hang onto the anxiety-inducing deadlines while removing anything remotely pleasurable from the experience.

2- What are your opinions, expectations and hopes about the independent animation industry that's developing?

It's the only way to get anything done, currently.

The current state of the industry is not sustainable. I (along with a lot of other animators I know) are trying to decide what's next, and pretty much everyone agrees that "you just have to make something".

It is (in that very specific way) a great time to be a young animator. The system was never going to treat you well anyway. If you can get something like a Hazbin Hotel happening without studio help, you can currently write your own ticket. I'm super proud of Vivsie, because that's a LOT of stuff to handle. I never had to handle my own marketing or drum up money to make Billy & Mandy happen.

There are opportunities there, but it's definitely "Hard Mode". The best idea is probably to team up with a few other people you like and like to work with.

Hopes? I hope that the young animators take over and make something new on top of the bones of the old industry, rather than just allowing that industry to patch its rotting hide with their collected works.

3- What do you think about the advent of artificial intelligence? Do you fear for the future of animators?

I suspect true AI might just peace-out like ScarJo in "Her", but we're not there yet. What we have now isn't Artificial Intelligence at all (though I do believe it may be the underpinnings of the Artificial Suconscious of what may one day become an actual Artificial Intelligence.)

The LLMs and "Generative AI" are (so far) a big dumb waste. They consume tons of energy and aren't great for doing anything creative. If you've sat down with Chat GPT for a creative writing session, you've probably run into the "out of the box" limitations which prevent it from talking about sex or violence-- which happen to be a major component of most stories.

Still, the technology has come incredibly far in an incredibly short amount of time. I imagine we're going to hit the point where we're being hazed by artificially generated political ads way before Generative AI can produce a consistent and usable character turnaround, so that'll be the test. Whatever the legal fallout is from this stuff over the next few years will set the tone.

Still, studios have a vested interest in pleasing their shareholders. Generative AI potentially has the capability of not only replacing swaths of money-eating artists, but handing that control directly to the billionaire studio heads. Mark my words: We're headed straight for billionaire-generated content.

I don't think the public at large will want to watch Elon Musk's fever dreams, so there's that. So law and general distaste might stave it off for a while, but I think there's just too much impetus for studios to continue to try to please their investors. "AI Art" is here to stay.

Eventually that will lead to millions and millions of bots generating millions and millions of songs and paintings and movies all day every day. Most of it will be utter trash. Right now (so I'm told) viewers are already burnt out, and will generally only click on what they already know. On Netflix, where there are twenty things you've never heard of and one you have, you're more likely to pick the thing that gives you comfort and gives you a guarantee you're not wasting your time. With exponentially more A.I. trash, how would you even begin to filter it out?

You'd need absolute control of an already existing distribution system. We currently have a few of those, and all of the media companies are desperately trying to merge with them to insure their own survival.

To me, the post-Gen-AI landscape looks a lot like old-school Cable, but with endless I.P. and fewer masters.

4- If money wasn't a problem, would you still do what you do?

The real question is, maybe, "What am I even doing?" These days I try to do a lot of gardening. I'm trying to learn new art skills, because suddenly twenty five years of experience managing, drawing, and writing isn't worth much. I recently worked on Jellystone until Zaslav lost 2.5 billion in the wash and had to find justification for his new yacht. The show before that? Also culled midway through to save money. The days of multi-year gigs seem to be over, and if I'm going to scrape by doing freelance, maybe I can do that somewhere else.

I'll always make art. I can't seem to help it. Ideas aren't my problem-- it's executing those ideas without the help of a structured pre-existing system. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to pull that off. My strengths are great, but were always supported by friends I worked with.

Can I start an indie cartoon with all of these cool friends? Sure, maybe. Most of those people have gone on to have other careers of their own and got used to being paid. Now nobody is getting paid and no one can pay anyone else. My immediate circle are all now middle-aged people with families and no jobs. Convincing them to give up a large chunk of their day for an idea that's not guaranteed to pay off is going to take some real effort.

I technically have fifteen years until I can claim my "retirement", assuming that still exists by then. That's a pretty big hole to fill with... I don't know what.

The difficult "What comes next" discussions at home are really just starting.

5- Any animators you admire and would like to mention?

There are a lot of cool animation people out there. I already mentioned I was proud of Vivsie. I was also reminded recently just how great C.H. Greenblatt and Mr. Warburton are. I know they're my friends. They're both just really upstanding, creative people who take good care of their crews.

The treatment of animation industry professionals by the studio system has been one of the most demoralizing and heartbreaking parts of this demoralizing and heartbreaking time.

---

So there ya go. If you want to look for someone whose attitude is a little more upbeat, I won't blame you a bit.

Wherever you are, I wish you the best of luck. For me, just climb up there and crush it. I would very much like to add you to #5 someday.

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[poomphuripan]

Director Pepzi Banchorn Vorasataree - iQIYI Exclusive Interview Transcript

[What makes 'My Stand-In' special?]

Pepzi: The uniqueness of this series lies in my perspective of it being a youth drama. However, it's the kind of youth drama that's like... So typically youth dramas should be bright, simple and straightforward right? But this youth series has real drama and delves into the intricacies of life and emotions. It has these life stories that makes me feel like... Like about a painful youth which makes me think that having a series like this would be very interesting. Because the series not only portrays the mundane aspects of life but also adds a touch of fantasy, not in the sense of envisioning a futuristic fantasy, but rather, revolving around life's themes. I find these elements fascinating.

[What are some challenges you face as Thailand's first female Y Series (LGBTQIA+ series) director?]

Pepzi: Some refer to me as the "mother of LGBTQIA+ dramas," but not for any specific reason though but it's because I'm the only few [female directors]. Everyone else is typically called something like "father of...". With a BL series foundation, people often express delight in the fact that I make Y series, that I understand the NC scenes, and grasp the dynamics and critical scenes between same-sex characters. However, I'd like to emphasize that, my starting point/intention is that I always love to direct a love story, whether it involves same-sex or other relationships, the base of it has to be a love story. I believe that, once we have understood love, whether it's BL with men loving men or women loving women or men loving women, ultimately, they all share the same foundation being love stories [regardless of gender]. As long as we understand love enough, and perhaps it's also because of my age [re: personal experiences], I have seen been able to see various forms of love, which have evolved over different stages of my life. Therefore, to me, directing LGBTQ+ dramas is just like directing another form of love story. Each of my works revolves around love. Thus, I don't differentiate between whether it's a Y series or not.

[Why did you decide to direct "Stand-in"?]

Pepzi: The opportunity to direct "My Stand-In" arose when I met Ms. Yuan, (the CEO) of YYDS. YYDS wanted me... so they initially reached out to me, however, at that time, I was quite exhausted and looking forward to taking a break. Cause like your body/health after working on four, five series... Actually during the pandemic, I had been involved in numerous projects without any rest or travel. Until one day, I decided to take a break. I rested for several months without working, without taking on any new works. Then when Yuan contacted me again, I even told her I would only consider it after hearing the plot. I was planning to decline if it didn't pique my interest. Because I'm at that age where I should just rest. Later, I told her I wanted to meet and see the content. Ultimately, when we met and Yuan showed me the Chinese script translated in Thai, I realized it was a really interesting/fun story. The storyline was so compelling that it drew me, someone who was on a break, back to work. At that point, I had only read the plot. It wasn't until later that I found out it was based on a popular Chinese novel with millions of views. Honestly, while reading the novel, I found the storyline truly remarkable and felt compelled to direct it. It was only later that I learned about its background story and the powerful narrative it held.

[What gives you confidence in this series?]

Pepzi: First, upon receiving the plot, I thought the original Chinese version was so good. But I knew we would have to adapt storyline to make a Thai version (re:suit the Thai audience), and we had a conversation with the Chinese scriptwriters right at the beginning to ask for permission in order to make adjustments if they wanted me to make this. If they wanted me to direct, they had to trust my abilities, choices, and decisions. We had to localize the storyline to fit the Thai context. Eventually, after discussions with the original Chinese author (Shui Qian Cheng), who agreed to the adaptation adjustments, we moved forward. Every time we make a change, we would thoroughly discussed between both parties. I felt that the fact that everything proceeded smoothly from the outset was an excellent sign. Plus, being given the freedom to select the cast based on my aesthetic preferences or the vibes of the series was empowering. However, every decision I made was preceded by discussions with the team so it felt like this drama is good in all aspects. I believe that this is a BL or Y series where we really chose the main characters based on the storyline. Meaning, we looked for actors suitable for the roles according to the plot, and the result turned out great, just like it is now.

[What are the differences between the TV series and the novel?]

Pepzi: The structure is similar, but we made some changes to the context to make it more suitable for a Thai audience. It's not just about incorporating into Thai culture, but including the lifestyle or the way Thai people think and live. Because ultimately, this is a Thai series with the kind of plot geared towards a Thai audience so we believe that most of the viewers will be Thai. But we also trust that the Thai people perspectives can resonate globally. Changes can be made, but we aim to preserve the fundamental cultural aspects of Thailand.

[How is the director's job, and what's special about it?]

Pepzi: One aspect we paid particular attention to is the action scenes. While I can direct action scenes, some crucial segments required additional assistance to help me make those scenes look cool/badass. And the person who can make [those action scenes] look cool/badass is THE Kongkiat Komesiri, or P'Khom. I've known Kongkiat for a long time, over ten years. Kongkiat offered to help designing some action scenes or pivotal moments in the series. In this series, there's also a crew that many others may not know much about but it's the stunt crew team. For the stunt team of this series, Ja is responsible for/lead of the crew. P'Ja is Jeeja Yanin, I don't know if we're born in the same year (re: if we're the same age) or not. P'Ja came to help oversee our stunt, action and fight sequences and even the training of the actors. Since this series is related to stunt doubles, we aimed to gather the most talented individuals in every aspect within our capabilities. So I feel like everyone involved that we've been able to gather are people who are skilled in their respective fields. From my perspective, I've already done my best and everyone else also brings their best. So I feel like the entire team is... If it's someone in the production industry, they'd know that to be able to do that is pretty amazing.

[Why must it be Up and Poom?]

Pepzi: Why Up and Poom? Initially, we were looking for Ming and Joe. We had to find Ming and Joe. After an analysis, we found it quite challenging. So, we started with Joe. Joe's character is a stunt double, the top one in Thai martial arts dramas. He had to be handsome because he would be doubling for the hottest stars, and his acting skills needed to be top-notch. He also had to convey emotions well and be disciplined. We were searching very hard. In the end, nearly 400 actors wanted to play Joe. And I was the person who watched everyone who auditioned. We auditioned everyone, then matched and paired them up until we finally found that... we chose Up and we chose Poom. And I dare say here that on the day we made our decision, Poom wasn't necessarily the actor with best acting skill among the 400. But for me, Poom is the person who resembled Joe the most. After selecting Poom, I told him to put in more effort. I felt like I really hoped the audience would give him a chance. He wasn't someone with prior fame or popularity, but Poom is a talented actor. Because Poom had really stepped into the role/embodied his role as Joe and that Joe is the most perfect version of Joe for me.

As for Up, once we found our Joe... Actually we found our Ming first but Ming was even harder to find than Joe because he had to be born into wealth, things which we couldn't fabricate. Right? Moreover, he had to be a skilled actor because he needed to portray depth. As a top executive of a company, who had to be secretly in love with someone, someone his sister loves, and he had to back off. Then, he accidentally falls for someone else. That accidental entanglement turns out to the biggest true love of his life. We auditioned numerous people, including celebrities. Many, many people. Ultimately, it was a gut feeling, perhaps intuition? I really saw shades of Ming in Up. They resembled each other. And then Up actually came to audition. But I'm very grateful to Yuan because one day Yuan went to talk to Up saying that Pepzi's simple request was for Up to come for an audition because I wanted to see if Up was really (suitable for) that character. So Up really came to the audition. It was the first tape audition, then finally, we started looking for someone who could pair well with Up. And it took many steps before Up and Poom became our Ming and Joe.

[What do actors need to prepare to become their characters?]

Pepzi: Mostly, it was a LOT workshops but there's also many types of workshops and we have to differentiate between them. So especially for Poom, there were many workshops. We'd have a regular acting workshop, like an acting workshop between Up and Poom for them to work on their emotional scenes together. But Poom also has a separate workshop to handle stunt sequences due to his character's profession as a stunt double. Poom really had a lot of these action workshops and he worked diligently in all of them. His positions/stunt sequences he showed were really good. Shoutout to the instructors and the crew of P'Jeeja for this. Additionally, there's one last workshop and it's the intemacy workshop for the intimate scenes. Ultimately, despite containing mature content, the foundation of these scenes is love. Both actors trusted us, and we conducted rehearsals for intimate scenes beforehand. We're thankful for their cooperation and trust, and their compatibility was evident from the first shoot. This series is filled with love, not lust, but love. That's why there were those scenes. Yea, so much thanks to them.

[From day one to today, what have you seen in the actors?]

Pepzi: I've been able to witness their development as actors when they're playing these characters. Like I've said previously, we chose them because we saw Ming and Joe in them. But as they continued to portray the roles, I dare say that they are truly the actual Ming and Joe. They are the reason why I need to thank God even more for validating our decision that day. Because from what they've shown us, our decision that day was correct and it's becoming more apparent. And one more thing, I want to thank these two people for really embodying their characters and putting in immense effort to get into these roles. This is the transformation we've seen. They not only improved as actors but also became the characters themselves, like embodying their essence.

[Are you satisfied with the work after months of filming?]

Pepzi: To be honest, just like the audience, I'm eager to see it. However, we know the storyline because we're the ones arranging the plot's sequence, and I'm also responsible for editing in the post-production phase. Honestly, if I may say so without sounding conceited, I believe I gave it my all. Everyone worked diligently, and while it may not be 100% perfect for others, for us, bringing together everyone's strengths, we're not ashamed to say and we're always ready for others to see and critique.

[What were the difficulties in making this series?]

Pepzi: The difficulty was the action scenes and the drama. But both boys performed exceptionally well. I'm really thankful to them, especially with the blocking of scenes.

[What were the challenges of this script/story?]

Pepzi: The challenge of this series is making viewers believe in our protagonist's guiding storyline. This story with a male lead who I dare say that it's a character who the audience must curse at while watching. I believe some viewers will be upset, and there are certain plot points that some may not like. But like I've said, Ming is just human; he also has unlikable aspects (t/n: the exact term Pepzi used is that Ming has a few 'not so cute' aspect). However, Up's portrayal of Ming convinces us. When it airs, some people may criticize him because his character truly destestable and deserves all these the curses, but it's also important to emphasize that Up fearlessly played this role without fear of losing his image. And so I'm genuinely grateful and thankful if Up['s character] receives criticism afterward, because it's also a recognition that he plays Ming so accurately and well. Everyone please save Up.

[Most difficult and favorite scenes]

Pepzi: The NC scene when they first met. For me, it was difficult because of the blocking for that scene and I'm the person who did the blocking myself. Feeling of enjoyment from my own work. Because the starting point is this initial spark of love from the staircase, then to the room, and then we also incorporated the raining effect while the actors have to perform the NC scenes with multiple blockings. In order for an NC scene to be beautiful, not only does it require the actors' emotions but also the right blockings and the right camera work. It's a challenge for the actors and everyone involved, but I believe the results will be great, and indeed, they've been showcased exceptionally well. There may also be complaints. For my favorite scene... Actually my favorite scene is also an NC scene. However, it's an NC near the end of the series... Because as I've said before, and I have emphasized this repeatedly to the actors that these [NC] scenes aren't just for shock value (t/n: exact term Pepzi used is that these NC scenes do not exist "simply for the viewers to drive their ships"); the specific reason is to depict the love between the characters over time. The plot spans two lifetimes, from the previous one to the current, and it's necessary to complete this love story. For the last NC scene, since I'm the person who designed every action for it, I felt like there were lots of moments that make go... [squeals] There were some shy moments, but in the end, everything stems from love. The two actors also have great chemistry, and for me, and for me, it all turned into beautiful scenes. I thank them very much.

[Explain the name of title "My Stand-in"]

Pepzi: A stand-in is like a substitute. We used a particular person as a substitute for someone else. In the storyline, Joe substitutes for everything three times. The first time, he's a stunt double, a profession on its own. But being a stuntman means it's the profession where Joe willing becomes another star's stand-in. What does this mean? Even there's fame, it belongs to the star, not the substitute. That's the first time being a stand-in. Later on, the second stand-in occurs when he suddenly has a lover who only likes him from behind because his back looks like that of the star. So, Joe is a stand-in, a stand-in again for love. The third time, Joe himself dies and is reborn. Not reborn as a new person, but being transformed into someone else's body. Finally, he circles around until he returns back again to his old life. I think this kind of substitute is his own substitute. It's the third time being a stand-in. So, this series represents Joe being substituting for many aspects.

[Expectations for this drama]

Pepzi: I only hope the viewers watching the series will see the dedication of all the actors as well as the staff. Regarding ratings and... what do they call it?... ahh Twitter trends and things like that, honestly, as a person who works on the series, I can say it without being embarassment that we want it to be high too since it's normal that everyone hopes for that as it's one metric to gauge the quality of this series. But actually more importantly for me, the buzz on Twitter should come from a genuine liking of the series from the viewers' hearts. After watching it, if everyone genuinely falls in love with this series, as creators, we naturally anticipate feedback from the audience. Whether it's praise or criticism, we're happy. But as I've said, I've given my all to showcase our best work for everyone to see.

[Recommend "My Stand-In" to everyone]

Pepzi: Thank you all. Both the actors and the staff have put their best talents into this series. I want the audience to see this as well. I want the audience to see this as well. Please pay more attention to My Stand-In. You can watch it on IQIYI Original. I really hope everyone, as I said, to see that all the staff have put their best talents into this series. We're really eager for everyone to watch it. Whether you like it or not, everyone can comment. We're very proud to introduce this series as really good. You must watch it!

You can watch the original interview here with iQIYI VIP.

[fob4ever]

patrick stump & neal avron on tape notes podcast (12.15.23)

songwriting stuff, demos, lyric process, a bunch of things! they talk about the songs lftos, heaven iowa and smfsd.

long summary under the cut!

talked about how they sat outside “emo” because they leaned more towards hiphop/rnb, but also how they didn’t fit in the “pop” genre too and how they would be put on pop shows and “comparatively it was like slayer was playing” lmao “but we’re still a pop band!”

they experimented with reggae and 90s shoegaze and hardcore during the pandemic

they recorded most of stardust together in neal’s house :D at the beginning it was mostly just neal and patrick working together, at the end of the day everybody would come in to listen

patrick said he got “kinda obsessed” with streamlining pete’s lyrics in the chorus over the past few albums: “pete is very wordy. he has all these ideas that take up a lot of space.” and that their manager sat him down at lunch and said “don't do that. you guys used to ramble. why don't you ramble?” and lftos was the first song patrick put together after that convo

lftos writing process: patrick followed what he was feeling, and most of what he did in that song were things that years spent working in pop music had scared him off on doing.

the “every lover's got a little dagger in their hand” lyric tied it all together for patrick: “[i was] singing that line and EAGERLY emailing neal: listen to this!”

they play a little of the lftos demo (16:55). it's wild. VERY guitar-forward

“neal and i lost most of the demos for [folie a deux].” the burning of the library of alexandria. to me

talks about how the folie demos were infinitely stranger than the final versions, “psychedelic at times”

for stardust, they didn't really keep much of the demo stuff- patrick: “and my demos are pretty decent!”

lftos piano demo (21:35)

patrick: i want some drama. when i look back at our records, our best ones start off with a sense of melodrama

they play individual parts of the lftos instrumentation (31:25), andy's drums, pete's bass, joe's guitar. <3

bridges are patrick's favorite thing to write, because he just gets to play

patrick: "pete doesn't even send lyrics in lyric-form, he just sends words. and it's interesting when you see it- it's almost like one-liner after one-liner. and i'll just get an email of those, and then you kinda have to figure out what thematically goes together, what feels like the same song. but then i also try to keep lyrics together as much as possible, because i feel he's in a place where it does feel like one thought."

"when i read it, there's almost a passive thing where i just imagine what it sounds like to me. and [the lyrics for heaven, iowa] scared me a lot, because it felt kind of sparse, and i don't really like sparse- i don't really like singing by myself. [...] i don't like being so front and center, and i could tell that there was something really intimate about this song, and it was a big challenge for me."

everybody immediately went for the heaven, iowa demo- it's from the first stardust session and it took the longest to complete because patrick wasn't satisfied with just his voice over keys- "it was too naked."

patrick doesn't ask pete about lyrics because: "first off, he will not explain things. but second off, i think there is something to that. where i'll read his lyrics, and i'll interpret it one way, and years later i'll realize it's another way. there's so many double entendres that i've only gotten decades later, i'll be singing and go, 'OH it's a sex thing.'"

patrick really attaches to the story of a lyric, the craft of it, and then years later he'll be like "oh that was a HEAVY lyric. [and] pete must have felt that thing! i don't really question it when i'm writing- it's kindof unfair on him, like, should i check on him?"

heaven iowa instrumental demo/instruments isolated (53:30)

patrick would tell joe to "go nuts" on heaven, iowa!

neal talks about the ambient guitar pedal joe plays during heaven iowa and how it worked really well. patrick says this was the kind of thing that saved (the song).

patrick and andy double drummed at the same time in the studio for heaven iowa! <3

pete told joe to go "full slash" at the end of heaven iowa : )

patrick almost didn't send out the demo for the title track, smfsd! he was almost sure no one was going to like it, even though he liked it. but he sent it out, and it "kept surviving"

both patrick and neal brushed smfsd off because they assumed they "couldn't do that", but pete really pushed for it, which surprised patrick.

so much for stardust demo (1:25:07) patrick plays drums on it, sloppily. which he freely admits to lol. it is quite sloppy indeed

patrick: "i'm a drummer too, but andy and i are very different drummers. and it's very cool translating our things between each other, because he comes from metal (...) and i'm more a funk drummer."

lotsa joe layering in heaven iowa and smfsd : )

it was patrick's idea to do a lyrical callback in lftos/smfsd, and pete was hesitant about it. but patrick pushed for it, becasuse it made sense as "story beats"- "it's like 'empire strikes back'!"

patrick doesn't like to putz around the studio that much, he just wants to be recording something.

patrick: "my routine [during the writing of the album] was just to make it to the studio as on time as i can be- i have adhd, it's very difficult- but i'd be there within 10-15 minutes of when i was supposed to be there, and then we'd just work through it."

patrick's advice: FROM ELTON JOHN: when you find your producer that understands you, stick with them. patrick: "and that was on a record we didn't do with neal, and i remember thinking [makes unsure noises]..." also prioritize in the short-term, what's important. take a step back.

neal's advice: if music is your passion, do it, and do it all the time

patrick was afraid people wouldn't like him "rambling" in songs, even though it was honest and natural to him. he was terrified of doing it again, thinking people wouldn't like it. but people did! "don't subvert yourself too much."

the host asks for them to choose a stardust song to close out the podcast, and patrick chooses what a time to be alive :)

the end

[covid-safer-hotties]

What It's Like Being COVID-Conscious in 2024 - Published Aug 26, 2024

Aug. 26, 2024 – On a warm July evening, Raleigh Rivera, 29, went to see a band play a backyard show in East Los Angeles. The audience – around 40 people – wore KN95 or N95 masks, tested for COVID beforehand, and agreed that they would excuse themselves from the rest of the crowd if they needed to take off their masks for any reason. Before they played, the band showed their negative test results to the attendees and asked their permission to perform without masks. They were lit with far-UV lighting, which has been shown to safely kill airborne viruses.

This might sound like a scene from three or four summers ago, when taking COVID precautions was encouraged by most health officials, policymakers, and community members – but it happened this summer. For Rivera and the rest of the crowd – who identify as COVID-conscious – life hasn’t gone “back to normal,” as it has for so many others.

Rivera and other COVID-vigilant people have cause for alarm: At the beginning of August, the percentage of people testing positive for COVID reached its highest level since January 2022, according to CDC data. The public health agency’s wastewater testing tracker shows “high” or “very high” virus levels in most U.S. states.

Many studies have shown that properly masking gives you an extra layer of protection against COVID. But Rivera, like others in the COVID-conscious community, is usually the only person wearing a mask in any given setting.

“Continuing to think and live this way kind of feels like you’re living in an alternate reality all the time,” she said. She has POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), a chronic blood disorder that can cause your heart rate to jump if you stand up. Along with masking wherever she goes, Rivera and her husband have air purifiers throughout their home and use a saline nasal rinse and an antimicrobial mouthwash before heading outside.

Despite her vigilance, Rivera caught COVID in the fall of 2023. She got on Paxlovid right away, yet she was hit with crushing fatigue that incapacitated her for a few weeks, she said. After she recovered, her POTS symptoms – which can include fatigue, lightheadedness, and nausea – worsened. She is just starting to get her appetite back, almost a year later.

“Everything is still a risk calculation, wherever I go. But at this show, I felt like my body could finally relax,” she said. “I felt very present and a part of something in a way that I haven’t been able to experience in a long time.”

Local governments in places like New York City and Los Angeles have considered imposing mask bans – mostly in response to protesters wearing masks at rallies to conceal their identities – regardless of the summer increase in COVID case numbers.

“It takes a lot of confidence,” said Rivera. “It gives up a piece of my social currency. I know there are places I’m no longer invited to because [wearing a mask] either weirds people out or bums them out that I’m going to keep this reminder of the pandemic on my face.”

For Rivera and others, much of the onus of community protection seems to fall on those with weakened immune systems. One of their biggest concerns is the lack of masking in medical settings. While some health systems have brought back masking policies since numbers have started to climb again, many have not done the same.

Aaron Friedberg, MD, a professor and internal medicine doctor with a specialty in long COVID at Ohio State University’s Wexner Medical Center in Columbus, wears a mask in every clinical setting, even though the hospital no longer requires it.

“There are still some people who get very sick from COVID, even though it’s much less common now,” he said. “To me, wearing a mask is a relatively easy thing I can do to improve their health. It’s an important way of showing respect for your patients, to protect them.”

Bernard Camins, MD, an infectious disease specialist at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, also understands this worry. The hospital still sees plenty of patients with COVID, he said, but the vaccinated and boosted hospital staff does not tend to see transmission of the virus because they continue to wear the right personal protective equipment.

Olivia Belknap, an associate marriage and family therapist in the Los Angeles area, is COVID-conscious and sees many clients with similar concerns. She said there is a lot to what it means to be COVID-conscious.

Nowadays, many might consider taking COVID precautions to be extreme, but Belknap herself (who was also diagnosed with POTS after a COVID infection) and some of her clients are not yet comfortable getting on an airplane or eating outside on a restaurant patio. She sees clients who aren’t willing to step indoors almost anywhere that isn’t their own home.

“A majority of [my clients] have sought me out because they know that regardless of what levels of precautions they’re taking, I’m not going to pathologize them for it or discourage them from doing those things,” said Belknap. “It’s more about finding meaning and connection in your life while still doing things in a way that is safe for you and makes you feel comfortable.”

Belknap said it’s not her place to tell people they’re being too prudent or too lax in their precautions. Sometimes, she works with clients who are anxious about taking the first steps in loosening their own restrictions; other times, she’s talking to people struggling to come to terms with what it means to have a substantially smaller social circle for what could be the rest of their lives.

Although it seems like the rest of the world has moved on, the worry is valid for those whose lives may be upended by a post-viral reaction from a COVID infection, Camins said.

“It may not be death, but it’s still debilitating. You’re alive, but it’s not a fun way to live life,”

While protecting yourself against what could be life-altering long COVID symptoms is more than justified, Camins said there is a potential downside for those with weakened immune systems: They might get sicker from other viruses than they would have before.

“The only thing I worry about for this community is that, since they’re very careful about COVID, they’re probably not getting exposed to other viruses that their bodies can build immunity against,” he said. “At some point, if you let down your guard, you’re going to get sick a lot.”

There are times when Rivera wants to give up on masking altogether, like when she attends a wedding. She still goes to many of them, and she puts in the time to do her makeup, despite knowing most people won’t see her face for most the night. She’d like to be able to take her mask off indoors, eat inside without worrying, or have a drink with friends.

There could be a future for Rivera that doesn’t include the same level of precautions she’s currently taking – but that comes with conditions.

“There are some places that I know I will continue to wear a mask forever, like in medical settings or traveling,” she said. “But I also know that there will be no more weddings for me if I am permanently and significantly more disabled than I already am, and that’s very possible with another infection.”

[wonuwrites]

"A House In Nebraska" ot13 Song Reaction

Before we start: Warning: this song is heavy and talks about really heavy topics and even mentions about Suicidal thoughts. Personally, I, @wonuwrites don't like writing about suicide or suicidal thoughts because it is a very triggering subject for so many people (myself included.) I will mention the suicide part in this reaction. Having said that, PLEASE do not read this reaction if it will affect you in a negative way. You are WAY more important than a fanfiction on this silly website. if you ever need to talk, please message me.

Just wanted to put this warning before we started because I felt it was important.

requested from this anon x

Warning/author's note : This will be a lot more heavier than things I usually write. (pls send me pet pictures or fluffy wonwoo drabbles) This will be post-apocalyptic themed with hints of the song "A House In Nebraska" by Ethel Cain. There will be talks of suicide like I mentioned above, also death, dread, trauma, and so many other things. I will write happier drabbles and things after this so please once again if this is too heavy please skip. I love you all and want everyone to be safe. I know I say this often but please if you are a minor- DO NOT INTERACT. Also this took so long for me to write because it was rough to write. I had to make sure I was mentally okay <3

Just like all my song preferences before: members parts will be in order of the song lyrics.

Let the angst begin <3

Scene:

Everything was normal for a year until some governments were a little bored and decided to do experiments on their inmates of the respected countries. Some of these experiments went a little haywire and caused a pandemic. The pandemic caused a very contagious disease that made 2020's COVID-19 look like child's play. The disease made people lose their minds and the only way to cure it was to put them down. Many people compared it to be a modern day zombie apocalypse except for zombies it was homicidal psychopaths. When the pandemic first happened, you and your boyfriend (member of Seventeen) took refuge in a House in Nebraska, USA. It was secluded and you both thought nobody would find you and harm you. Happy endings don't always happen though. After many days of skipped meals and sleepless nights, the worst happened. You watched the love of your life walk out the door to get some food from the garden when a stray homicidal was walking down the road. Before he could grab a gun to kill the homicidal, the Homicidal shouted alerting more Homicidal's to come. There you watched the love of your life try to defend you both before getting infected. It was then when you had to defend yourself from the Homcidal's and even the love of your life. After shooting the only person who knew you for you, these were the memories that would haunt you until your dying breath.

Actual Members Reactions Now~

⌂ DK: "Labored breaths and bed sores, sing it to me all day long, when the aching 'Sound of Silence,' used to be our favorite song."

It had been no more than two awful weeks since you had to kill Seokmin. The memory of the look in his eyes when he realized he was infected scared you. It haunted you. He slid you the gun and just whispered "I love you, (Y/N)." You had to do it but it killed you to do so. Ever since, you just laid on the once shared dirty mattress. At this point you had been just laying down and getting bed sores due to lack of activity but in all honesty, you just wanted to return to the love of your life. You didn't want to live without him any longer. You felt your breath getting labored and you closed your eyes praying that it was your time to go. As if it were a miracle, you heard faintly the love of your life singing "sound of silence" which used to be your favorite song due to the memes. You choked back a sob before whispering, "I'm coming home Seokmin, I am so sorry."

⌂ Mingyu: "You and me against the world, you were my man and I your girl."

You stared down at your whole world who starred back up at you with blood dripping down his chin. He was still warm but he was gone. You looked around and saw a lot of other Homicidal's scattered across the gravel driveway. You didn't have one clear thought as you realized what you had to do. The one person who promised to be with you until the end of time was shot because of you. You both swore that if one of you got infected, you would shoot one or the other no matter what. However, with the seclusion of the house in Nebraska you both thought that it just would not happen and things would eventually be better. Life without Mingyu now though, it wouldn't be better even if this pandemic ended. So you did what you had to do. You dragged Mingyu into the house and drenched both you and his body in gasoline. You cried while doing so because the thought of dying was horrifying, however living was just not an answer as well. You took a deep breath before pressing a kiss onto Mingyu's forehead. You held onto him as you flicked the lighter and set both of you ablaze. The world may have won this battle, however you knew that you would both find each other in every lifetime that came.

⌂ Dino: "And I still call home that house in Nebraska, where we found each other on a dirty mattress on the second floor."

Once the pandemic hit Korea, you both ran refuge to America because there were more places to be secluded. Chan always joked that Nebraska was a myth because "nobody lives there" until that's where you found home. A worn out house that looked like it had been vacant since 1958. There wasn't much to it but a dirty mattress on the second floor. Any fear of germs vacated as it seemed better than a hardwood floor. The first night you spent on that dirty mattress, Dino and you had torn up some of your own shirts to use as a sheet and held each other for comfort. You swore that no matter what you would be together.

⌂ Woozi: "Where you told me even if we died tonight, that I'd die yours."

Jihoon and you made a promise that you would be together throughout the whole pandemic. You both would live together or you both would die together. After surviving for months, living seemed so much brighter. You both were a light to each other during this dark time. When you saw Jihoon get bit, you felt like your world shattered. He tossed the gun at you and looked up at you begging you to shoot him. You ended up shooting the rest of the homicidals but left the love of your life for last. "Y/N, kill me." You heard him beg. He wasn't infected quite yet but the color in his eyes was starting to change. It was a matter of time before he was like the homicidals. So you did what you promised him. You sat in front of him and put your head against his temple. He tried to push you off when he realized you were planning on shooting both of you at the same time. He wanted you to live but you still fired the shot killing him and injuring you. You ended up passing from lack of blood next to the love of your life. You both died together and as each others persons. Just like you promised.

⌂ Joshua: "Your mama calls me sometimes to see if I'm doing well and I lie to her."

About a year after shooting Jisoo, the pandemic had been lifted. You left the house in Nebraska and tried to live life the way you had before meeting Jisoo, before the pandemic and it was hard. It was so fucking hard. Especially since most of his family had survived. His mother would call you once a month once the pandemic was over even though she knew what you did. When you saw her name on your phone, guilt always ate you. She told you she didn't blame you and you shouldn't do the same thing however it was easier said than done. Whenever she asked how you were doing, you always gave her little white lies in hopes that she would believe you and hope that someday it would be true.

⌂ Vernon: "And I say I'm doing fine when really I'd kill myself to hold you one more time."

After Hansol passed, you left the house in Nebraska after setting him on fire. The only thing you had left of him was a plaid shirt that he wore often. You wore it every day and left with it on. You found a camp of other survivors and they welcomed you in with open arms. Nobody knew what you did but they knew you saw some heavy things. Someone named San was at the camp as well and wanted to know why you didn't smile. He would ask you how you were doing and your answer was always the same. "I'm fine." It was a safe answer and one San realized would be the only thing you would give. You thought San was nice however, your heart was burnt in Nebraska along with Hansol. Each day that passed, you wanted to kill yourself so you could be with your other half. Living without Hansol was the worst pain and nobody could ever understand.

⌂ Seungkwan: "And it hurts to miss you but it's worse to know that I'm the reason you won't come home."

You didn't know what hurt more. Missing Seungkwan being around physically or feeling remorse for killing him. When he took his last breath, you knew it was what you had to do but it didn't make the pain any more bearable. Seungkwan was your missing piece. He was the ying to your yang. The Bonnie to you Clyde. He was everything and him not being there was simply awful. You spent so many hours a day crying and just craving him to hold you just one more time. However you knew that he couldn't come back. You just prayed he would be waiting for you.

⌂ S. Coups: "You know, I still wait at the edge of town praying straight to God that maybe you'll come back around."

Killing Seungcheol drove you mad. You knew he was gone but you still would look out the window and walk to edge of town hoping to see him running home to you. Maybe him being infected was just a bad dream and he was coming to your makeshift home with some much needed supplies. Maybe he was still alive and you would see him again soon. One night when you made your way to the edge of town you saw a being in the distance. He looked so much like Seungcheol. Your heart started beating faster than ever as you started running toward 'Seungcheol.' As soon as you made it to them, you realized it was a scarecrow that was just propped up. You fell to your knees and started wailing out Seungcheol's name. You sobbed until you couldn't handle it anymore and just laid down and prayed to God that you could be reunited with your one true love once again. It took a few hours but soon your last breath was taken laying right next to the scarecrow.

⌂ Wonwoo: "I cry everyday, and the bottles make it worse 'cause you were the only one I was scared to tell I hurt."

You were no stranger to Jack Daniels and mental breakdowns prior to meeting Wonwoo all those years ago. You struggled with mental health and the only one who knew how deep your mental health struggles and alcohol uses was Wonwoo. So when you shot him with his own gun you ran back to what you knew best. Your addictions. You used to be afraid to confess when you missed alcohol to him but with him you ended up being a year sober. However, the familiar taste of whiskey burning the back of your throat numbed the regret and remorse. You knew he would've shook his head at your actions but at the same time, who could blame you?

⌂ Minghao: "I thought you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess."

Once the pandemic hit, it was hard to see things as beautiful. However, when you met Minghao at a camp before you made yourself home in that house in Nebraska, you thought he was so beautiful. His giggles that ended up haunting your every thoughts, the soft stare he'd give you, the way his arms would wrap around you when life got too scary. It was all so beautiful. One of the main regrets you had was that you didn't realize how much you loved this beautiful man until it was too late. When he was gone, dullness took over again and it was hard to find anything beautiful.

⌂ Hoshi: "And you might never come back home, and I may never sleep at night."

Delusions started to eat you alive, you ended up just thinking Soonyoung left you instead of you murdering him. You thought it was just a scary nightmare and he was just getting supplies for you both to survive. So you waited for him. You stayed up staring at the door like a stranded puppy waiting for their owner to come home from a silly 9-5. You lost track of the days and couldn't remember the last time you ate. However, you heard a noise from the outside and all you could think of was Soonyoung. You opened the door and ran to the tall figure. You didn't realize it was a homicidal until you felt venom run through your veins. By then it was too late and you were one of them.

⌂ Jun: "But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there, I just pray that you're alright."

Out of all the members, Jun actually survived. You shot the dirt next to him and he played 'dead.' He heard your screams of heartbreak and he felt so horrible. However, he knew the homicidal's came for a reason and he had just found a cure for a bite. However, there was not enough food for both you and him so he hid the fact that there was a cure from you. Instead, he decided to "die" and leave the food and everything for you in that house. After you did a shallow grave for him, he crawled out of the grave and made his way to a camp. He oathed if he could find more supplies he would come back for you. However, after he found more supplies and food he came back to an empty house. There was no sign of you and it broke him. He blamed himself. He should have told you what he discovered. He would spend every moment until his last breath trying to figure out what happened and where you went.

⌂ Jeonghan: "And I feel so alone out here and I feel so alone without you."

Prior to Jeonghan, you considered yourself super independent. You could take care of yourself because that was all you had known how to do. However, once you met Jeonghan, you became codependent. As much as you could, you turned your brain off because he always had a plan. You always were together so when he passed, you felt so alone. You tried your best to find who you were before Jeonghan came into your life but it was practically impossible. Everytime you thought about moving on, you felt a piece of you die. One night when it was raining, you couldn't handle laying down on a dirty mattress by yourself anymore so you went to his grave and laid next to it. You felt insane as you started to put soil on you to feel closer to him but believe it or not you felt him there. You closed your eyes as rain droplets continued to splatter across your face and took your last breath. You couldn't wait to be reunited with Jeonghan.

holy shit it's finally finished. I hope you enjoyed this. Sorry it was so heavy. fluffy shit is coming <3

[actualbird]

Zak this is a personal ask, I completely understand if you don’t answer to it and it is fine GENUINELY *sobbign*. I just wanted to ask how did you found out about being trans? then what did you do about it? I still feel dysphoric and still getting comfortable I currently identify as non binary (amab) but I want to dress classy and elegant though no clothes match my figure and I still want to retain a bit of my masculinity yk? Your trans luke fic made me soft hue hue hue.

hi anon!! sorry it took me a while to answer this ask, i wanted to get all my thoughts in order properly ;w;

how i figured out i was trans was a long time coming tbh. i had always had a vague dysphoria with my body ever since i was a kid, only ever wearing hoodies and hiding myself as much as i could. then later, ever since i was in high school, i had this feeling that i Wasnt A Girl and since then i tried out a bunch of different genders. i first went with bigender, because i still felt a connection towards womanhood yet yearned for a stronger connection with masculinity, then for a while i identified as nonbinary all throughout college because i wanted the freedom of just being whatever the hell i wanted to be. but even then, i noticed that i would get the most gender euphoria when i was treated and referred to as a guy, when people called me handsome or used masculine terms to refer to me. then the pandemic happened, and i actually changed the name i went by to zak before i came out as trans. but changing my name and hearing people call me it really solidified for me that what i wanted from the very beginning was to be a guy so i just. did.

i leaned into my name change, i started using he/him pronouns, and as people around me started referring to me like this, i realized that i made the right choice because i felt most like myself than i ever had felt in my whole life.

though i guess it's important to note that even if i am a guy, i still have some connection to what is societally seen as feminine presentation. like, i love crossdressing in a wig and frilly dresses, i love pink, i love cutesy items, etc etc. but i can love those things and still be a guy, because who says that these things should only be for women?

(pictured, me being a frilly pink discord catboy vs me being an edgy colored highlights fuckboy)

overall i have this attitude of like.....my gender expression is what i want it to be, and i can do whatever with it that makes me happiest

i cant give advice for your own situation because at the end of the day, the only person who can figure out your identity and expression is going to be you. but you can do what makes you happiest. if you wanna dress classy, go for it! if you still want to have a connection with masculinity while doing so, hell yeah! you make the rules on how you want to be yourself, so just always keep that in mind. dont let yourself get boxed into categories that limit your self expression. feel free to experiment and try new things and find out what makes you feel most like your authentic self

i hope something in this answer could offer something to you. wishing you all the best, anon!!

edit: check out the replies of this response, there are some fashion reccs for you, anon!!

[wuzeio]

i keep brainworming over your recent zombie au piece [kicks feet in air] tell me more 🫶 (if you wanna)

OUGGH GHDJFG IM SO GLAD 🫶🫶🫶T___T i think the AU fits AFTG especially really well!! My fav zombie apocalypse media is the Telltale Walking dead games so ... lots of inspiration drawn from that (and ofc Last of us for that good ol "oh they have immunity against the virus" trope") (also train of busan/TWD show for outbreak origin inspo)

How the virus outbreak starts in this AU: honestly have not thought about the specific details but the gist of it is that a deadly mutagen accidentally gets developed in a biotech lab while conducting experiments on animals >someone gets bit > starts to show signs and turns into zombie > more people get bit > everybody has the virus now, turns into a global pandemic

some char background/

Andrew and Aaron would have already been living together before the outbreak, and Nicky only lives likes 10ish minutes away from them. When all hell breaks loose, Nicky's parents get killed by a zombie hoard and he immediately goes to Andrew and Aaron to join up for safety. Andrew realizes that remaining where they are is only going to get them killed, so they drive his car out of the state in hopes to find a safer place (smart!).

I don't think Drew's group encounter Kevin and Neil until a few years later, when the apocalyptic world has become the norm and its all about survival now (maybe around 3-4 years?). The monsters have joined forces with different groups and even joined a few settlements in the past, but they find that they work best alone, just the three of them. Fortunately they have enough connections to make supply trades if its ever needed; Nicky's the interlocutor and peacemaker.

Kevi ... he would've still grown up in the Nest and played Exy in this AU. When the outbreak occurs there, the Ravens are trapped with the infected and it's basically a brutal death for all of them. Kevin and Riko manage to escape (with Riko ruthlessly killing a few teammates-turned-zombies on his way out, no hesitation!) Kevin and Riko have a very close relationship during the first few years of the apocalypse, but its more of Riko putting a leash on his brother and demanding him to do certain tasks. Kevin is strong and has lots of stamina, so he's incredibly reliable in an abundance of duties. Riko is also not above betraying groups they "befriend", and does not hesitate to kill or sell someone out when he thinks its better for their survival. Near the 3rd year mark, tensions between the two brothers begin to rise as Kevin starts to express his discomfort towards Riko's actions. They start to fight more often, and Kevin starts to rebel a little more. In turn, Riko gets increasingly paranoid about their dwindling supply stock/the fact that Kevin might betray him, so he ends up making a trade with a group of nearby raiders: Kevin for 6 months of supplies. Kevin, obviously, is horrified when he realizes this betrayal and deception. On the second night with the raiders, he manages to fight 4 of them off and runs off into the night. He meets Drew's group 3 months later. (btw kevin running off means that riko is now after him, because those raiders were not happy about what happened)

Neil!! He's in his last year of HS (still plays Exy for their team) when Mary convinces him to run away with her from their abusive father. In this AU she also steals a shit load of money from him and they take a plane to Georgia. The zombie outbreak occurs whilst on their run, and they manage to survive together for the first year. They make their way to South Carolina, but Mary gets killed during a crossfire started by bandits and...Neil is left alone now.

(note: I changed somethings regarding Neil/Kevin's relationship. Scratch them having past family connections!) He desperately tries to join up with a few groups, but all of them result with him either being assaulted or robbed from. The one group he finally finds and begins to feel a kinship with, he ends up being betrayed. Guess who the group is!! It's Kevin and Riko! After a near death experience with that, he's jaded, wary, and untrusting towards anyone. He's learned that staying alone gives him the highest rate of survival— that it's not the zombies that are the most dangerous. Those are easy to kill. A few smashes to the head and they're dead. But people, they're capable of doing the most evil, heinous things. (cue : " “It’s not the world that’s cruel. It’s the people in it.") oh also. he finds out hes immune after getting bit in the hand. He freaks out, introspects for a few days, and comes to the conclusion that he's going to kill himself before he turns. But it never happens.

3 years later, he's a seasoned veteran when it comes to surviving on his own. However, from a stroke of bad luck, he ends up getting hit by crossbow arrow in the forest while scavenging. This is how Drew finds him.

uhhh there's a lot more ideas in my head but I'm gonna wrap it up here because this got wayyy too long hehe thank you if you read it all... honestly this ask was very helpful because it helped me work out this AU in detail a lot more >:D

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

Uruha blog - MASS era (2020.10 - 2024.01)

Uruha blog 2024.01.14 - "2024"

Seeing the various pieces of information about the earthquake that occurred on the Noto Peninsula on the 1st, and the situations of those affected and the disaster areas, I felt it was not the right time to be posting anything, and as a result, my first blog post of the new year has been delayed to this timing.

I believe that those affected by the disaster are still going through very difficult times, and I extend my heartfelt sympathies to them and pray for a swift recovery.

In 2024, I want to fulfill what I can and should do in order to continue creating music and delivering it to everyone, and to maintain a society that supports such activities.

Although my posts here have gradually decreased, I strongly feel that it is precisely because of these times that I must cherish blogging without forgetting my initial intentions. I will do my best to post a bit more this year, so please stay tuned!

Uruha blog 2023.07.26 - "After finishing the MASS tour"

Since it's been a while since the MASS tour final at Budokan ended, I’d like to take this opportunity to express my feelings.

I feel that sometimes it is important to write on the blog again after a long time, but after all, these are just my ramblings, no more significant than graffiti in a bathroom. So, I hope only those who notice will read it.

As I write this in 2023, we are gradually returning to a state close to our pre-COVID-19 daily life. Reflecting on the MASS tour, it strikes me that it was a project that began under the restrictions and limitations imposed by the pandemic, starting from the album's production period.

Despite all humanity facing equal hardships, I am amazed at how the entire MASS project, from its creation to the final show, seemed to be so dramatically in sync with the world’s transition from restrictions to relaxation. Witnessing the miracle of the crowd being allowed to cheer at Budokan was overwhelmingly moving.

We also suffered during this period, albeit perhaps to a lesser extent than some. We experienced unprecedented cracks in various places. I saw firsthand how quickly and easily what we had built could collapse.

There were moments when I, someone saved by music, doubted the power of my own music.

The sight at the final show shone all the more brightly to me precisely because it followed such a desperate beginning.

Thus, we have reached a turning point with the MASS tour, but each piece of work we’ve created so far is part of the larger framework of the GazettE, and has shaped who I am today—my very “life.” I am determined to connect the experiences we have cultivated up to now to our next work.

No matter how difficult the times, no matter how unreasonable the situations we face, I want to receive and respond to your words and emotions properly, and to continue to support and encourage you with the utmost respect and gratitude.

On the Budokan stage, I could only convey a simplified message, but writing this has made me realize once again that the words I spoke directly at that time are a hundred times more significant and important than any written words. (laugh)

Even so, I believe that this post serves its own purpose, so I wanted to write down my feelings of gratitude to everyone.

Let’s continue walking together toward the sights beyond MASS.

Uruha blog 2023.01.03 - "2023"

Happy New Year.

Looking back on last year, 2022 was a year that passed by in the blink of an eye as we overcame many challenges as a band.

I don't think this is limited to just us, but this past year made me realize how precious each and every live show is, and that we could not have achieved this without the cooperation of all our fans.

The fact that we were able to complete our tours and events last year is thanks to everyone who continued to support us, even under the new normal of wearing masks and being unable to cheer out loud.

I believe that the feeling of moving forward over the past year is shared by more than just me, and I trust that we can reclaim the intense atmosphere and wonderful sights of live shows. I look forward to running through this year with everyone as well!

I hope 2023 will be a wonderful year for all of you. Thank you for your continued support this year.

Uruha blog 2022.07.15 - "COUNT "DECEM" Nakano Sunplaza Hall"

Thank you for the final Nakano performance of the "MASS Tour 01".

I'm happy that we were able to inform everyone about various future activities, including the FC event and "02".

As we move forward into 2022, which is still our 20th anniversary, I hope everyone will witness how this year will unfold and be part of events and tours that everyone can truly enjoy.

This "MASS Tour 01 COUNT DECEM" tour, which concluded in Nakano, was a really good tour for me. I felt a sense of liberation and motivation, and I was able to approach each performance with a clear mind.

Starting with last year's DEMONSTRATION EXPERIMENT tour, I finally felt like we were able to literally embody the entirety of MASS. Each song's potential in live performances captivated me, and with every show on the tour, it became a source of enjoyment and excitement that built up within me.

That’s why today’s Nakano performance was particularly frustrating for me. I felt my own immaturity in not being able to adapt quickly to the unexpected developments, and I deeply regret it. I truly apologize to both my band members and all the fans.

Moreover, during "UGLY," I injured my back, and I apologize again for my awkward performance on stage afterwards.

Ending in such a clumsy and uncool manner at the very end might be typical of me, but I will continue to give my all without giving up, so please continue to support us!

Uruha blog 2022.03.26 - "New beginning…"

I've started Twitter and Instagram.

I hope to liven up our 20th anniversary year even just a little, so please support us!

Twitter▷https://twitter.com/uruha_gazette__

Instagram▷https://www.instagram.com/uruha_thegazette__/

Uruha blog 2022.03.14 - "NEW PICK!!"

We have decided to release the new picks that were specially made for the recent 20th anniversary performance for a limited time.

I wanted to throw them to everyone at the live show as usual, but given the current situation, that's not possible. So for those who usually use picks, please take this opportunity to get one.

These picks now come with a non-slip grip, so I recommend them for those who, like me, have trouble with hand sweat making them slippery!

Uruha blog 2022.03.12 - "Thank you for your hard work."

Thank you for your hard work on the 20th anniversary performance.

Although some time has passed, I still feel the lingering sensation of the live show.

The feeling I experienced at that live show was more pleasant than ever before.

Even without the special emotions tied to the 20th anniversary, the sound during the entire process, from instrument checks to sound checks and rehearsals, resonated comfortably in that space.

In trying to convey that feeling to everyone with all my might, I was able to reaffirm what live performances mean to me, and I also felt a forgotten sense come back to life.

Although it was a live show commemorating our 20th anniversary, it was a precious performance that provided undeniable opportunities for growth in various aspects.

And soon, 'LIVE TOUR 2022 -MASS- / PHASE 01-COUNT “DECEM”' will begin.

The 20th-anniversary live allowed me to refine the fundamental feeling that I want to carry into this tour as well. It was the best!

It’s been a while since our last tour, but let’s rush forward in pursuit of the best sights again!

Uruha blog 2022.01.31 - "Towards the 20th"

Greetings, everyone.

Before we know it, January has flown by. How have you been?

I’ve been steadily preparing for the Yoyogi performance. I believe we’ve put together something that everyone will enjoy. Personally, I’ve been reworking the sound overall, so I’m excited to approach some of our older songs in a slightly different way.

It might be a minor difference from the audience’s perspective, but I hope even those small details will come across.

I can hardly wait to see everyone on the Yoyogi stage in just a little while. Until then, please take care of yourselves.

Uruha blog 2022.01.02 - "2022"

Happy New Year, everyone.

Last year was an important year for the band, as if the hands of a stopped clock had started moving again.

This year, 2022, I hope the clock will not stop again. I want to unleash all the energy that has been building up through live performances with everyone, and I want to savor the milestone of 20 years with all of you. With these various feelings in mind, I plan to start the year running, so I look forward to your continued support throughout this year!

Uruha blog 2021.12.26 - "Tokyo Garden Theater"

As announced at the recent Garden Theater live, our 20th anniversary performance next year has been confirmed for Yoyogi National Gymnasium!

I wasn’t able to convey it very well during the closing moments due to being a bit scattered, but I intended to express how much we have been supported by our fans over the past 20 years.

In my case, I often refer to feedback from fans through emails and letters. By pointing out aspects that I might not notice myself—both the good and the bad—I believe we’ve grown significantly over these 20 years.

I think both I and the band have been shaped by what we’ve built together with our fans, so I want to express my gratitude once again.

I hope that we can continue to support each other and walk this path together without changing.

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

Uruha blog 2021.12.23 - "Today, the rescheduled Tokyo performance!"

Good morning.

Today is finally the rescheduled day—the last live show of the year.

Thank you for your support, everyone!

Uruha blog 2021.11.14 - "Rescheduled Performance Confirmed"

Recently, the rescheduled performance at Tokyo Garden Theater has been set for December 23.

We understand that this has caused concern for many, and we appreciate your understanding of the need to reschedule.

We sincerely apologize to those who cannot attend due to the change. We are grateful for the opportunity to perform on stage again before the end of the year and will do our utmost to ensure we are fully prepared. Thank you for your continued support!

Uruha blog 2021.11.01 - "To all our fans"

We regret to inform you of the cancellation of today's scheduled performance at Tokyo Garden Theater.

We deeply apologize for the inconvenience caused to all the fans who were looking forward to the event, those who had to adjust their plans suddenly, and those who had made special arrangements to come from afar.

We promise to do our utmost to return to you all in perfect condition as a band of five and to continue bringing smiles and dreams to everyone as the GazettE.

Once again, we apologize for the concern and inconvenience this may have caused.

Uruha blog 2021.10.19 - "Aichi Arts Center"

Thank you, Nagoya!

Following Osaka, we were able to hold this second performance in Nagoya thanks to everyone's thorough infection prevention measures and cooperation.

As Ruki mentioned multiple times during the MC, I felt a deep sense of gratitude, and standing on that stage didn't feel like an ordinary event; every moment felt like a miracle.

We and all of you are the only ones who can protect this place.

Because of the circumstances we have gone through, this feeling strikes even stronger and deeper in my heart. Even though this tour has fewer shows, each one leaves a profound impact.

There’s only Tokyo left, but feeling the passionate energy in Nagoya today, I want to bring everything we've gained from these two performances to the Tokyo show. So let's make it great together! Thank you!

Uruha blog 2021.09.27 - "Osaka Orix Theater"

The first live show in two years and the opening night at Osaka Orix Theater—great job, everyone!

As all the members mentioned, I was really nervous too. Even with the best preparations, you can't fully grasp the atmosphere and tension of a live show until you're actually there. But that very tension is the proof of our existence that we crave from live performances, which made me feel incredibly alive.

More than anything, I could feel the unspoken emotions, the feelings towards the band, and the overflowing sentiments pouring down on the stage. Even for those who couldn't make it, I'm sure they shared the same feelings without a doubt.

Every single live show from now on feels like a miracle, and today was a precious reminder of that. There's a bit of a break until the next show in Nagoya, so everyone, make sure to recharge. As for me, I'm feeling completely sore the day after the show. Haha.

Uruha blog 2021.09.25 - "To Osaka…"

Tomorrow is finally our first live show in two years.

There's no doubt that we've been eagerly waiting to break the long silence.

So many emotions have swirled within me leading up to this point, and it feels like this journey can't be summed up as just a two-year hiatus.

In times like these, it's essential to simply follow the emotion of "enjoyment," and ultimately, that's where we always end up. I've come to realize that standing on that stage to enjoy myself is a truth for me.

Tomorrow, I want to fully enjoy and cherish the important space we will share together.

Uruha blog 2021.07.26 - "BLINDING HOPE"

We finally announced our live shows.

I fully understand that this announcement is made amidst a whirlwind of overwhelming emotions. Personally, I have no hesitation and am completely focused on the live shows, but I can't ignore the reality that there are many uncertainties when it comes to the current global situation. This reality weighs heavily on me.

In such circumstances, rather than just "believing and moving forward," we've decided to start exploring a new way of conducting live shows with thorough infection prevention measures, guidelines, and self-protection strategies. This approach has led us to make this announcement as our way of "moving forward."

There are still many unclear aspects around the world, with various information causing confusion. Honestly, I can't deny the possibility that I've been swayed by online information, struggling to discern the truth amidst the chaos.

However, what we've truly understood over this approximately year and a half of the pandemic is that we are still supported by our fans and the people around us. This fundamental realization is something that Ruki has thoughtfully detailed on Instagram, so please check it out.

What we can and should do is convey our feelings to the fans. Even if, hypothetically speaking, our existence during this pandemic causes harm, I believe we can be a source of strength to overcome it.

We don't know how the concept of live shows will evolve or where it will head, but as long as our fans continue to support us, we won't stop. This is the only certain thing in this uncertain pandemic, and we want to keep this in mind as we embark on this tour.

Please don't overextend yourselves. Ensure you're in perfect health to fully enjoy the shows.

Hoping that this marks a new beginning...!

Uruha blog 2021.07.25 - "“MASS” Online Event"

Today, we had our first online event in about a month. I was so happy to reconnect with everyone overseas! Did you all enjoy the event?

Thank you for participating in today’s online event. I was worried that I would have the opportunity to interact with everyone overseas after the pandemic, but it was a precious day that I was able to achieve it today. See you next time in live concert, thank you.

Uruha blog 2021.06.21 - "Day 2"

Thank you to everyone who participated in the second day of our online event!

Even though it was the second time, there were still moments where it might have been difficult to grasp the atmosphere. If you were able to enjoy the space even a little, I’m happy about that.

I believe there are still aspects that are developing, but I’m confident that as these types of events become more refined, they will provide even better opportunities to deepen our connection with fans.

Overall, over these two days, what made me happiest was being able to confirm each other's presence through the thoughts and feelings everyone shared with us. I think that’s something we’ve all been looking forward to.

So, to those who participated and to those who couldn't make it this time, your feelings were definitely received!

Thank you very much!!

Uruha blog 2021.06.20 - "First Day"

To everyone who participated in the online autograph session and talk event, thank you for your efforts!

Although it was indirect, I think it was a valuable event where we could communicate with everyone after a long time.

Given the nature of the event, I understand that some of you had to wait a considerable amount of time for your turn to get a signature, and I really appreciate your patience!

Although it was a bit different from our usual events, I hope it became an enjoyable and memorable experience for you. I also know that many of you couldn't participate, but I hope our gratitude reaches all of our supporters. Let's do our best again tomorrow!

Uruha blog 2021.06.10 - "Thank you!"

Thank you all for the messages!

Looking back, it’s hard to believe a whole year has passed since my last birthday.

This past year with COVID-19 felt incredibly long, yet looking back, it also feels short. Maybe it’s because the uncertainty of the future made time feel longer, while the lack of activity made it feel shorter.

However, with the recent release of "MASS," I believe it marks the first step towards escaping this dark era. I truly hope this will be a year where we can move forward and look ahead.

Next year, I hope to be able to deliver an even more positive message than now! I'll do my best.

Thank you!

Uruha blog 2021.05.26 - "DAY-3"

Thank you all for the past three days!

It was great to watch "Dai-Kyu" again after a long time. The last song "UNFINISHED" was pretty intense.

Watching the live footage while reading everyone's comments was so much fun! Haha

During the "MASS" tour, I want to create an even better live experience with everyone!

Today was packed with events: the release day of "MASS," the last day of "YouTube Live," and soon it will be Reita's birthday, making it a very memorable album release day.

I hope we can share this space with everyone again soon. Thank you for the past three days!

Uruha blog 2021.05.25 - "DAY-2"

"Gudon" felt a bit embarrassing. Haha.

Great job, everyone! Tomorrow is finally the release day of "MASS," but don't miss out on "Dai-Kyu" either!!

Uruha blog 2021.05.24 - "YouTube LIVE DAY-1"

"Shikkoku" brought back memories. Great job! See you again tomorrow!

Uruha blog 2021.05.22 - "Today"

Today was the recording day for RADIO JACK, and this time I recorded with Ruki.

And, this year too...

I was celebrated on my birthday!!!!

Wow, I'm so grateful! I also received many birthday messages from everyone.

Even in these times, I am truly grateful to the fans who haven’t forgotten about me.

There is no doubt that your presence is what sustains me in living now.

I really hope the day comes soon when we can hold a live performance.

And, finally, the new album "MASS" is about to be released in just a few days.

I personally believe that music exists to be enjoyed, and I think "MASS" is a work packed with information that stems from the feeling of enjoyment.

However, much of it cannot be explained, and explaining it seems almost meaningless; it provides an impact that both the creators and the listeners feel equally.

What I want to say is that, even we, the creators, are delighted that it turned out to be such an enjoyable work. This might be an arrogant thing to say, but it’s the broad-mindedness of the fans who share this sentiment that saves us, allowing us to celebrate the release of the album "MASS"... In other words, it all comes down to a simple "thank you!"

We are waiting for the day when we can deliver our heartfelt "thank you" to everyone to the fullest. For now, we are just patiently waiting for that moment.

So, please look forward to the new album "MASS."

Uruha blog 2021.01.29

Finally, the time has come...! Let's hope that everything starts moving from here!

Please look forward to it.

Uruha blog 2021.01.02 - "2021"

Happy New Year, everyone.

Last year, we couldn’t say that we were able to see each other enough to say we were in your care in 2020.

I can’t help but hope that this situation will improve, even just a little, this year.

Until the time comes when we can meet at live shows, please take good care of your health, strictly follow infection prevention measures, and let’s all work together to make this a year that won't be defeated by COVID-19.

Thank you for your continued support this year.

Uruha blog 2020.10.28 - "Happy Birthday, Kai!"

I realized that I have stopped updating for over three months.

I apologize... I’ve been focusing a bit on production, but I hope to update with my recent activities as timing permits.

And today is our leader’s birthday, so I decided to make an update.

Once again, happy birthday, Kai.

His leadership and passion for the band have been a great force in overcoming various difficulties the band has faced and he has played a crucial role in supporting and uniting the members.

Without him, the GazettE wouldn’t exist as it does today. With respect to such a wonderful leader.

[boonesfarmsangria]

Basement alchemy: Yannis & The Yaw sees Foals' Yannis Philippakis and Afrobeat legend Tony Allen forge a treasure with 'Walk Through Fire'

The lead track from YANNIS PHILIPPAKIS’ posthumous collaboration with Afrobeat drumming legend TONY ALLEN captures the electrifying spark that ignited during their global musical meeting, weaving a tapestry of sound that reflects the cultural touchstones of Lagos, Paris, and London. Read our latest Dork Mixtape cover feature now.

Words: Martyn Young.

Photos: Kit Monteith, Rishi Salujah.

“It’s about serendipity and coming together with someone.” There’s always something amazing when you get to meet your heroes, but for Foals frontman Yannis Philippakis, the opportunity to not only meet but work with legendary Afrobeat pioneering drummer Tony Allen was a truly special experience. Tragically, Tony passed away during the pandemic, leaving the work that they started in flux, but seven years after they first met, Yannis has now put together a beautiful EP documenting their time and the music they made together as a special project under the name Yannis And The Yaw. ‘Lagos Paris London’ is a reflection of a moment in time and two generations meeting and creating a little bit of magic.

With Foals riding high on the wild success of their fourth album ‘What Went Down’, a call offering an intriguing opportunity came following two years of hard touring. “I got a call when we were deep in a Foals tour. We were touring ‘What Went Down’ so it was quite a few years ago now. I got a call from a mutual friend who said, do you want to go and write with Tony Allen in Paris?” says Yannis.

The mention of Tony Allen’s name immediately conjured excitement as he remembered the pivotal role Tony and his work as drummer for Fela Kuti, as well as his long and winding career, played in the genesis and evolution of Foals. “A lot of our formative musical years were spent listening to Fela Kuti,” he explains. “Especially this one compilation of Tony Allen’s that I think is just called ‘The Best Of’. It’s a quadruple vinyl. We used to hammer it when we were writing ‘Antidotes’ and ‘Total Life Forever’. I was a huge fan.”

He was immediately hooked on the unique skill of his drumming. “Another song that we loved that he played on was ‘La Ritournelle’ by Sebastian Tellier; that was a song we all obsessed over. His drumming is a huge part of why that song is great.”

While the opportunity sounded exciting, a “no brainer”, as Yannis explains it, the reality of actually making it work became more of an issue. “I got home, and I hadn’t been home for a couple of months, and I collapsed into a puddle the moment the keys were thrown on the table. I was like, fuck, I don’t know if I’ve got the energy to get up and get to Paris the next day,” says Yannis as he describes his exhaustion after a punishing Foals tour. “I almost put it off, but my friend at the time encouraged me and said, look, you’ve got to go there for two days. It might be the experience of a lifetime, then you can come home and rest.”

For the experience of a lifetime, Yannis recounts the details in a refreshingly simple and down-to-earth style. “So, I trotted off with my guitar to the Eurostar and I got there in the morning,” he begins. “It was a basement studio. Very French and very 70s. Full of cigarette smoke and bad carpet and mirrors in weird places. It was basically Tony’s home, in a way. His drums were permanently set up in the live room.”

For the music icon that is Tony Allen, he had seen and experienced everything there is to experience and had worked with a who’s who of musical legends, “What was funny about the first encounter was he wasn’t particularly phased or that excited that I was there. He was just in his own vibe,” laughs Yannis. “I don’t think he knew of my work. It was set up, and he was in a place where he was very open to collaborating with people. He was doing some stuff with Jeff Mills. Tony, in general, collaborated a lot. He approached it like a jazz drummer. The producers and the other musicians that were around Tony knew me; they helped me set up and were very welcoming.”

Was there a sense of trepidation, though, and having to prove yourself and prove your musical chops? “It wasn’t that Tony wasn’t welcoming, but he was waiting to see what it was going to be like. Who’s this little punk?” he laughs.

Almost instantly, though, the musical alchemy bubbled up, and from their first jam together came the project’s first track with the heavy groove of ‘Walk Through Fire’. “It’s a simple song,” he explains. “It largely revolves around this one riff. We played it round a couple of times, and some of these other French guys in the studio who knew Tony played along and were either helping out on bass or percussion. We kinda had it there. The moment that that had happened we were getting on like a house on fire after that. The room changed.”

As they played more and more, Yannis discovered at close quarters what he loved about Tony’s artistry and even discovered new things. “I was surprised at how quietly he played,” he says with deep reverence. “Coming from proper big arena rock shows on this Foals tour and playing songs like ‘What Went Down’ and ‘Snakeoil’ was a total pivot into this much more deft style of playing. Just being in a room with him and hearing him in the moment playing his drums that I had become so familiar with, the texture and the rhythm of the way he played and that being on something that I was writing live on the spot and that we were inhabiting the same moment of creativity together in a room was just electrifying.”

‘Walk Through Fire’ was the spark that ignited the whole project. “It was the first thing. It’s immediate in the same way that it was immediate in the room on that day,” enthuses Yannis. “The lyrics are pretty resonant with the time we’re living in. Tony encouraged this in me. He wanted the lyrics to be engaged with the social fabric. A lot of Tony’s music, and the lineage of Fela Kuti and Afrobeat, is often very political with protest songs. In discussing with Tony about the lyrics, he wanted it to mine the social discord. It resonates today. It’s got this fresh energy. It feels like a more garagey or bluesy song. It’s quite rough and freeing and fun. It was a good entry point to the project but also makes sense chronologically.”

The jamming session in Paris was intended to lead to work beginning on a full album, but events got in the way firstly with scheduling issues and then Covid before Tony’s sad passing, which ultimately gave Yannis the impetus to turn those special moments into something real and tangible. “Covid really scuppered us because he was based in Paris. It was impossible for so long,” he explains. “As is the way with collaborations, once you’ve captured the lighting in the bottle, sometimes you don’t complete it when you should. You know that it’s there, so you get slightly complacent about it. I had a lot of stuff with Foals and he was busy as well doing The Good, The Bad and The Queen. He was really busy, and between us we couldn’t get together. Sadly and tragically, he passed away during Covid. It strangely was a massive motivation to try to finish it. Largely out of guilt that we hadn’t done it while he was alive and realising that it had been such a special experience in my life creatively, but just as a person, it was such a unique moment for us to have not completed it and played shows together. Out of bittersweet guilt, I really wanted to finish it. We needed to put them out to do it justice.”

The EP is a beautiful tribute to the enduring legacy of Tony Allen and the creative spirit he represents. “His music will live on forever,” says Yannis passionately. “The drums will play on. He had such an incredible and unique style of playing. He was the originator. He was the source. There’s an untappable well that will continue to inspire people for generations.”

The record is also an example of his dexterity as a musician and willingness to still try new things. “This release is an interesting perspective on Tony’s writing,” says Yannis. “It’s definitely a different project than Tony’s worked on before. It’s the heaviest stuff he was involved in. For me, it’s obviously the most inspired by jazz and Afrobeat. For people coming to the EP, it’s an interesting prism that we were both put in and thrust together to write this.”

Even more remarkable is that it almost never happened. “Had I not gone to Paris that day and further along, had we not kept it up and had we not finished it, through these chance meetings and happenings, you can end up with something that’s precious and is permanent,” he continues. “When so much of life is impermanent, that’s a really important lesson that I learned. I feel protective over the record. It’s a treasure and a document of two people who came together. He was in his seventies when I met him, and I was in my twenties. There’s something amazing about two people from different cultures and backgrounds and generations being thrust together unknowingly without knowing each other and through music very quickly bonding and forming and creating something that will last.”

This collaborative project comes at a time when Foals are able to take a pause and reflect on a triumphant couple of years following their euphoric 2022 album ‘Life Is Yours’ which cemented them firmly at the top of the UK band pantheon after almost two decades of innovation. “We’ve been smashing it for so many years; it’s been such a constant focus of our lives,” says Yannis, explaining the band’s desire to take stock. “It has been incredible to devote yourself to something so absorbing, but I think every now and then you just have to come up for air and remind yourself what life looks like above the parapet. For self-preservation and the preservation of the band, it’s important to occasionally stop and assess what exactly we want to do next rather than just automatically make another record without consideration. This time, we want to think about what we’re going to do next, and I think that’s natural after having put out quite a few records; it’s important for us to decide what we want to do.”

In the meantime, Yannis And The Yaw offers the opportunity to have some fun and do something a little different. Certainly not a solo project, but just a different kind of creative expression. “I’ve left it open-ended,” he says excitedly. “The idea behind the Yaw part is that it could be a rotating collaborative project. The title, ‘Lagos Paris London’, is the cultural touchstones for the EP, and it’s a musical postcard from these locations. If there was to be another project with the Yaw again, it would be three different locations and a different cultural mix. It’s not meant to be a solo expression. This EP is an archive of time recording with Tony and French musicians Vincent Taeger and Vincent Tuarelle, who were really important and produced it. I would imagine they might be part of the Yaw. It’s important to make the distinction. If I were to do a solo record, it would sound a lot different. This is led by Tony and the group of his musicians in France. If I was to do another one, it would sound quite different. There are no plans for that right now. I want to leave it open-ended and let this EP have its time in the sun, and let’s see what happens later on.”

With the EP arriving at the end of the summer, there’s a tantalising opportunity for perhaps some gigs as Yannis looks to continue to honour the legacy of one of his all-time heroes. “I think we will,” he smiles when asked if he’s planning to bring these songs to life on stage. “Not an extensive tour, but a couple of shows to give the record a good release and a good send-off and honour Tony.”

[kaengeru]

cyberpunk 2077 au ramblings (because you asked for this!!)

(shorthand: streetkid=purple. nomad=cowboy. corpo=monochrome.)

OKAY to start, this is ALL cyberpunk2077!au that ignores the story for the most part. nomad is the only one who is intrinsically tied to the relic plot. the other two have some vague connect to the lifepath background to a point, but otherwise dont end up in the same hole. THEY ARE all around 23/24 at their current state(s). (also: apologies if anyone thought i meant they were actually related - each of them are just a different cyberpunk!au of enya) theres sarah too of course! but im still working on his different designs and he is Not the main character, sorry bud. you will get a snack of him because he is always important to her story <3 GOD. OKAY. ANYWAY. if you know nothing about the game im sorry (my knowledge is only from 2077 and internet research anyway) but here we go!!

streetkid; solo. sante muerte theme. also Purple and/or gold. MAXIMUM chrome. shotguns, sandevistan, mantis blades.

-the most similar to default enya. ANGRY. loud, brash, quick to violence. aggressively hetero. comes off more composed in the downtime between jobs from her excessive confidence. smokes, drinks, drugs, alls fun and fair. lazy grins. head tilts. hands in pockets. baggy pants, tie-front bras, tennis shoes.

-known as rabbit/coneja rather than v, due to a few tattoos, her tendency for jumping fences, jumping onto people, and rabbit-kicking her way out of a tough spot (the chrome she's got makes bone breaking very easy and fun). heywood born and bred. russian/spanish. speaks both fluently but leans heavier on the russian to throw people off (this backfires frequently outside of her immediate neighborhood, where people will often assume she's a scavenger).

-physical embodiment of "why do i hear boss music?". alternates between horror movie villain casually walking after people, or DOOM slayer run-n-gun. thorough, albeit not precise in her work. incapable of subtly or silent tactics. shooting people is way easier than talking to them; will give valentinos the smallest bit of leeway, but so little no one except her can tell. VERY hard to kill. mantis blades are almost exclusively used in tight spots, and even then, if a grenade will do the trick, thats more fun anyways.

-high-functioning cyberpsycho (with a legit diagnosis just in case she does snap, they can make her a nice statistic), virtually no empathy/humanity. very disconnected with her self of self. about 75-80% chrome - including both necessary and for improved functions - with a preference toward (funny enough) subtle or hidden cyberware. WAY heavier than she looks with basal caloric needs being stupid high so she is constantly eating. mostly things she finds (steals) (digs out of the pockets of someone she just killed) etc. her lack of social awareness is most obvious when it comes to food because if it is there, she will take it.

-brief history: mom dies when she's 9 during a bird flu pandemic. dad gets killed when she gets grabbed by some maelstromers for cyberware experiments with a couple other kids at 12. ends up as a violent little street urchin between mandated therapy sessions. starts working simple jobs around 15, largely thefts and such, getting her first hit when she's 17 (though she's already killed her fair share of people). almost all the money she makes is put into upgrading and adding onto her cyberware.

-the sarah connection: her, 17/18. him 19. first contact is she and her "buddies" bullying him into taking his shirt off (to prove he isn't a tyger claw) (because theyre awful). he's new to the city, working as a cook for a local dumpling place that she frequent(ly breaks into to steal food). most similar to default enya/sarah beginnings where she simply will Not leave him alone, though he's more anxious in this realm (for good reason) so she wins out faster.

-he lives in the apartment above the restaurant (owner doesnt because its been broken into numerous times) (guess who) and works a lot, so they often spend their time sitting on the roof and talking. sort of mellows her out, having a comfortable space to explore feelings and whatnot helps process Things, including these weird emotions she gets when she looks at him.

-he dies when shes 21. just gets mugged by a couple guys. closest she comes to a full psychotic break, and likely would of if she hadnt found the culprits in quick succession. theyre left an unrecognizable mess and she's given a friendly warning that the ncpd has her as their prime suspect and she should probably stay out of sight for a while. then streetkid path: goes to atlanta, comes back 2 years later, etc. would probably run into jackie but doesnt work well with others, so, hey, she'll take a free lunch but thats about it.

-dies before her thirties. no blaze of glory etc. just gets gutted in a back alley after finally picking the wrong fight and bleeds out behind a dumpster. she is, surprisingly, fine with this - she's had a pervasive sense of suicidal ideation for a LONG while, but was never going to do it herself, and everyone else sucks at it.

-shoving this info somewhere:

=low INT. has a vague grasp on how to navigate some systems and read a little bit of code, but could much more easily disassemble a deck. that and no people skills. says what needs to be said. impulsive and unpredictable but not unstable. =not a believer in sante muerte, but very much enjoys the concept and messing with valentinos where possible. also was never a part of the tinos, but has a fair number of connections within the gang. =the sort who will roll over to sleep for a couple hours, then get right back to business when she wakes up. not good with quiet or stillness, cannot be alone with her thoughts for an extended period. always has to be doing something.

-im definitely forgetting SOMETHING but this motherfucker is my favorite

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

nomad; techie. flower theme. cowboy. minimal chrome. sniper rifles, berserk, gorilla arms.

-enya-adjacent. the most well-adjust and happiest of the three (ignoring the depression). quiet! straightforward when she does talk, and doesnt talk very much. no silence is awkward (for her). actually finds some humor in how differently people react. comfy bi with a preference for women. smokes, but doesnt drink (anymore), and drugs only when necessary. blank stares. careful deliberation. sleeveless vests, leather chaps, cowboy boots.

-prefers val as she gets older, before just going by v when she starts doing merc work. follows the nomad lifepath pretty directly. born in the NUSA, traveling with the bakkers, etc. has that curiosity toward explosives as a child, up until she fucks around and finds out real quick. loses both arms and left eye, burns mostly on her face and upper chest/shoulder. that was the last time she messed with choo2 and gasoline. instead, shifts her energy toward tinkering with machines and cyberware. the latter she finds more enjoyable, but doesnt have many opportunities to experiment with except for her basic (hand-me-down) implants until she saves up herself for an upgrade.

-almost exclusively uses long-range rifles. highly skilled sharpshooter helped along immensely by her one cyber-eye. many problems can be solved this way, for any that cant, her gorilla arms are deceptively customized to deliver a lot more power than expected. not a boxer but enjoys fighting. doesnt get a lot of sleep, spends her nights doing body weight exercises, fiddling with her arms, reading, trying to meditate. professional to a T. whatever the scope is, she will follow it to the letter. not so much "has to be done right" more "thats what i was told to do"; however, she is prone to leniency. minimal deaths depending on the job and involved gangs. being newer to night city has her grouping gangs, corpos, cops, etc in the same bubble. except for shivs, they all get the bullet.

-"brief" history: mom shot by raffen shiv at 9. while tagging along her first patrol at 12, her dad is killed and she's captured alongside a few others when theyre ambushed by raffen (including another girl, sam). rescued after a week or so of rape and torture. her and sam end up becoming inseparable, bonding over their shared trauma. ends up being useful because she goes mute for a number of years with sam being the only person she talks to. becomes an angry violent teen, getting into a whole host of trouble over the years. between those moments, she helps with mechanic work, insisting she gets a fair trade of pay for her work, saving up for improved cyberware, specifically gorilla arms. violence and trouble get worse for a period after this before she gradually begins to soften (very much helped by her interactions with sarah). spends a lot of time alone, improving and modifying her arms and guns, endless target practice, generally honing her skills and abilities into something useful. works random repair and general modification until she starts legitimate merc work at 18.

-sarah connection: these two are THE sarah/enya pair. he is a traveling monk under a teacher who believes in reaching out to the forgotten of society. but not a bhikkhu (the in-game ones, who are ordained) but a ngakpa (under tibetan buddism). different colored robes and vows. theyll travel, spending a few days in an area before moving on. happy to explain their beliefs (which happens frequently enough), but their only real goal is to converse and learn about others. has a vague rotation so they come around every year or so.

-first runs into him at 16 (him 18, still going through training). distant curiosity a contrast to the rest of the teens. doesnt start bothering him until the next year, finding him when he goes to find a quiet spot to meditate to ask her own batch of questions. seeing as this is sarah dialed up to 11, he has a whole lot of suggestions for her, mostly meditative option. blows him off at face, but ends up following some ideas and finds they actually help.

-sarah is, well, sarah, so she finds him an incredibly comfortable and safe presence. helps her relax and open up more. especially so after they start secretly dating (he isnt that kind of monk, after all). plus, his frequent absences actually brings its own sense of contentment. they get married a couple years later when she's 21.

-since this enya/v follows the game, she does end up in night city, relic, johnny, etc. sarah manages to find her, as he does every year, and what with her whole dying thing, decides he's gonna put off his traveling until she figures it out or, well, dies. he's her rock!! okay!!

-for my own headcanon etc: endgame choice is to have the aldecaldos help out (because of course she'd join them), albeit with a whole host of hesitancy and regret after. the connection in arizona helps out because this bitch deserves a happy ending, dammit. relic and whatnot leaves her with a traumatic brain injury, and after all the shit in night city, both cant and wont do merc work anymore. rather, goes heavy into general mechanic/implant modifications which keeps her busy, well-paid, and content. sarah fully shifts into a householder lifestyle instead of traveling and they live happily ever after fuck u.

-some extra info:

=also low INT, cannot hack to save her life, but her people skills are more refined. more prone to not talking than blurting things out which usually works out for the better. =not a believer in buddism but supportive of her big hubby, and finds some of the practices useful for her own mental health. =has memory dampeners in place a few months after her abduction. part of the reason she doesnt touch alcohol is if she drinks too much, it fucks em up and she gets night terrors. relic eating away at her brain introduces the possibility of the dampeners failing at some random point, so she has those removed. misery and suffering for a brief period but gives her a way to deal with her trauma more directly. =her and sam consider each other what they call friend soulmates. they love and adore each other - which theyre fully aware came about because of the suffering they experienced together - but they wont ever be more than friends (albeit, very, very close ones). sam leaves the bakkers a couple years prior to them disbanding officially, but they both stay in contact.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

corpo; netrunner. monochrome theme. medium chrome. knives, overclock??, monowire.

-baby… baby boy (not really, he's a dick). i do NOT have a solid grasp on his character because the corpo lifepath bores me and i dont like netrunning but i needed someone to fill the role. that and i havent given male!enya (aidan) any real thought. drinks (excessively) but doesnt smoke. casual bi, big flirt, bigger narcissist and ego. pretty standard corpo jackass in the way he talks to people he deems lesser. blackout tattoos. toothy smirks. puppy dog eyes. folded hands. subtle designer clothes. long sleeves, dress pants, combat boots.

-aidan vincent (last name). goes by v/vin/vinny or vincent in general, aidan only with people he's close to. russian/japanese with split citizenship between night city/US and japan.

-NO idea what his "trauma at 12" enya hallmark is, but it does involve someone clawing out his eyes (hence, the scars and implants). was leaning toward one parent being in maxtac, maybe something with a cyberpsycho attack?? dunno yet.

-sarah connection: fem!sarah is seth! specifically sesu in this au as she's based in japan. making my own cyberpunk headcanon where arasoka also is very supportive of traditional entertainment and sports, including sumo. including female sumo because HELL yeh. proves herself and works her way to a higher level. him being involved with arasoka and travel etc. runs into her at a sort of after party. BIG old heart eyes immediately, this boy is a sucker for giant women. takes some work on his end but manages to convince her hes genuine and they have a strong but brief relationship.

-she's the one who ends it - in part, because she knows theyre both trying to focus on their careers, and his work in particular keeps him away more than either of them want. probably also the whole kill-or-be-killed attitude. not her thing.

-he's TOTALLY not bitter and disappointed and mad about this (< lying to himself constantly). overcompensates in his treatment toward others, flirting, and hookups.

-the random bits im making up as i type:

=NO clue on his future. dies sometime in thirties probably, something like he has a hit put out on him by a younger corpo and has gotten to the point of hardly caring so he gets caught off guard. unhappy but resigned. =high INT but people dumb. when he's got less of a stick up his ass, it's fairly obvious he's a himbo. extremely so when he likes the other person. =when he's not diving through the net and experimenting with backdoors and various ICEbreakers, he enjoys knife throwing. will happily play circus act when he gets drunk enough, but otherwise, the knives dont come out unless he aims to hurt someone. has a surprising number on him at all times from having an excessive amount of hidden sheaths stitched into his clothes.

-bonus fun fact about aidan: would unironically call himself a short king (he's 6 feet tall).

(if any of you actually managed to read through my brainrot, you deserve a prize holy shit i love u <3)

[oswlld]

oswlld's monthly wrap up: march

note: i am trying something a bit different this year, so bear with me as i figure out how i want to format this. i wanted to spend more time sharing what i consume, beyond what i rb, and put my thoughts in one place. these posts are okay to rb

--

When We Cease to Understand the World, Benjamín Labatut [started 02/24, finished 03/14] What an outstanding example of blurring the lines between fiction and reality. I am content in never knowing what’s real and imaginary in the lives of these people. May we never forget that for every new idea challenged, there is a real person with real emotions and motivations behind it. 4.25⭐️ in storygraph. — No Stopping Us Now: A History of Older Women in America, Gail Collins [started 03/03, finished 03/30] This book makes some strong points, but comes off weak in its execution. By having it be told decade by decade, it becomes hard to follow along when so many names and events are being tossed around. Without a firm thread tying all the themes together, the achievements ended up feeling lackluster when it should leave you feeling a sense of pride and hopefulness. 3.25⭐️ in storygraph (I rounded up, but it feels more like a 3.15)

23.5 Degrees, GMMTV [started: 03/08, ongoing] What a breath of fresh air!! With my busy schedule, I managed to catch the first two eps and I’ve loved every minute of it. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, while still keeping a tight grip on its sense of identity. The series soaks up every aspect of its space theme like a sponge. Content specifically made for me, tysm! As much as I have tried refraining from consuming more high school settings, I couldn’t help but be enamored by what I have seen so far. I have paused this series for now, but hopefully I’ll be caught up before the end of April. I should be able to watch it live on Fridays in May. Until then, I will miss them dearly! — Always a Witch, Netflix [started 03/28, in progress] At this time, I have only seen episodes 1-5. So far, it’s a very straight-forward series. I am restraining myself from calling it predictable, because there are one or two things that really turns some tropes/themes on its head. But all-in-all, I am still waiting for this show to grab me. For a show that checks all the boxes that really makes a core jessi show, a series with time travel, magical realism, and found family, it has yet to completely sweep me away. Time really got away from me this month, but I will finish this series sometime in the next two weeks. We shall see if the latter half gets better.

Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour (Taylor’s Version) [watched 03/15 thru 03/18] I have seen this live and did see the original film in theaters last year, so this experience was more of a rewatch. This time around, my parents wanted to watch some of it with me so we made a whole evening of it on 3/15 so that was really neat. I will be traveling a lot in April and will be taking an audio copy of this to keep me entertained. — Oscar Nomination Season [started 02/17, ended 03/24] All of my initial reactions of what I managed to cover this Oscar season is in this post. Some of the strongest categories I have had the pleasure of covering this year were the Best Documentary (feature), Best Production Design, Best Live Action Short, Best Documentary (short), and Best Animated Film. I have several more films to tackle later this year, but my overall impression this Oscar season was just alright. One or two films have hit an extremely high note for me, but no worst of the worst.

BEYONCÉ, Beyoncé [relistening] During the pandemic, I really got into waching YT reaction channels reacting to full albums. One of my favorites is HTHaze and he is only beginning his listening journey through Beyoncé’s discography (yes, for the first time!) His reaction to Beyoncé’s self-titled made me want to relisten to it in full for the first time in years. I tend to only revisit a few songs through the years, but I do love going back to albums after time has past to recontextualize everything all over again. I’ve had my longtime faves from my 20’s but in my mid-30’s, the songs that hit harder now are: Pretty Hurts, Haunted, and Jealous. — Bewitched, Laufey [first time listening] The same YT channel got me to listen to this album. I am guilty in having my first listen be through his video first before diving into her album properly. With that said, the brain rot went FULL ROT. I love LOVE her compositions. Having learned from her Tiny Desk that getting a grand piano influenced the way she wrote her songs makes the whole conception so much grander. Her voice is soooo, it’s SOOOOO !!!!!!! I read a comment somewhere that her dream is to rejuvenate jazz the same way Taylor Swift did with country for a younger generation and that really spoke to me. I truly believe she is heading in the right direction in achieving that. My favorite run of songs goes from: Haunted, Must Be Love, While You Were Sleeping, Lovesick, California and Me, Nocturne (Interlude), and Promise. Those seven songs in that succession is so GOOD, ahH! — Once the Musical [relistening] Every spring, I fall into a Once spiral and it just gets deeper and deeper. This time though, I only tackled the core faves on YT rather than committing to the full audio (w/ Arthur Darvill and Joanna Christie). Although Arthur Darvill’s Leave will forever solidify his Guy as my Guy, Declan Bennett is The Guy of Guys for me. My mandatory relistening experience always goes: Arthur’s Leave, Arthur’s Say It To Me Now, Declan’s Say It To Me Now, Declan’s When Your Mind’s Made Up, Zrinka's If You Want Me, Once’s Spotify Jam Session. And it would all be on a loop lol. — Cowboy Carter, Beyoncé [first time listening] This is still fresh in my mind, having only listened to it in its entirety once through. My first impression is that it’s one of her most cohesive albums to date. Having had the first taste of what she would eventually achieve all the way back with Lemonade and The Gift, Cowboy Carter feels like a natural progression in her discography. I don’t have a top songs list to provide at this time, as I would need more time with the album. Fav songs come with time. Although, I did listen to 16 CARRIAGES when it was released several weeks ago and I knew then it would be a spectacular album. What a phenomenal single to lead a phenomenal homecoming.

Where’d You Go Bernadette, written by Maria Semple and narrated by Kathleen Wilhoite [started 03/22, finished 03/29] I… I didn’t like this. And that’s alright. Even if I didn’t like the premise or the characters, I did enjoy the format of the narrative and the narrator (especially her singing!!). But in the end, this was just not meant for me.

—

As it is still March when I am writing this, I wanted to endcap Women’s Month with a special shoutout to two women in my life that have been working with me to improve my overall well-being: Wendy (personal trainer) and Sofia (life coach). I am in a better headspace because of the work and trust they have in me to build a life I want. I cannot wait to see what I am capable of this time next year.

[astramachina]

✨Did you know (probably not since I refuse to talk about it)✨ that The Architect/formerly The Atramentuos Originator is actually a predecessor/prototype for The Singularity Project?

The history is LONG, and after cannibalizing some vital elements of the fic I decided that yeah, both things are different enough that the fanfic itself can go back up and stay up this time.

If you squint you'll realize the whole "hyper-genius goes to Antarctica, experiences the Horrors, finds something godlike in the ice that enlightens him even further, ???, profit" is a narrative both stories have in common. But there's some very key differences!

↓↓ If you also wish to be enlightened on the mystery that is TSP ↓↓

IDK if this counts as a "WIP Intro" because it's not strictly about TSP but I wanna go a bit into detail about the writing journey for both pieces.

I wrote Originator/Architect back in 2020 following, and I kid you not, a string of scarily coherent nightmares that made me feel like the protagonist of a Lovecraftian tale. Maybe it was thanks to the beginning of the pandemic and the world itself feeling like it was ending, but either way, out of my teaching job and in less than stellar living accommodations (and before starting therapy), I did the one thing I could do: write about it.

I have a long history of writing extreme AUs with the self-imposed parameters of "keep these characters as in-character as humanly possible", which is what I set out to do with this fic. As a consequence, Originator did not get much attention. The stobotnik fandom was YOUNG, just a couple of weeks old, and Sonic doesn't particularly lend itself to horror, so it made sense. That also meant that I was devastated that such a rich piece of somewhat original work was withering away in obscurity. I poured hours of work to the point of manic insanity into this fic hardly anyone was reading, which made me fly off the handle.

The last straw was my newfound fandom BFF refusing to read any more of it because it scared her. It was then that I realized "this is good, but it feels like too much", so I yoinked it off AO3 with the intention of turning it into a 100% original piece of fiction. But see my previous point about keeping characters as in-character as possible. That threw a huge wrench into that idea, because both these characters were 1:1 reskins of Stone and Robotnik.

That did not stop me from embellishing the universe. New characters popped in, Stone and Bot got new names, I wrote one-off short stories (one of which nearly got traditionally published), and even plotted entire stories with these new characters. None of it went anywhere. SOMETHING was missing, and I wasn't sure what. The story eventually faded from memory as I went on to work on various original novels, learning from Originator's mistake.

Fast-forward to November 2023 when, out of nowhere, I got struck with a "vibe". Not a scene, not a theme, not a trope, nothing even remotely coherent, just a vibe I couldn't even put into words. I spent weeks trying to synthesize a feeling into colors and sounds, into something tangible enough to be written down. There's a 10 page document of senseless words that go nowhere. Half written sentences. A surplus of the color orange. "Smoke. Viewing room. Burning rubber on the run. Neon. Worms? The ground is upturned by something," etc.

By January of 2024 I had a bit more a heading. "70s, mad scientists, the unknown forced to become known, the loneliness of godhood", but it was STILL fighting me. I didn't want to write a book because it felt like something that could not be contained in prose. Which was a huge problem for me because the only kind of writing I've ever done has been prose (I'm excluding theater here because I've only been playwriting for about two years). And so the story continued to writhe and rot in my brain because I still could not understand what it wanted from me.

It was sometime in February, maybe March, that I was watching a video essay on Midwest Angelica, and the narrator made this forceful remark on how there's no excuse for anyone to not embark to create something like it.

"Blender is free. Video editing programs are free. YouTube tutorials are free."

This ruined my life by cracking my brain wide open.

All of a sudden, things began to slot into place. "I can absolutely make a webseries if I want to. Literally nobody's stopping me. How hard can it be?" (THE ANSWER IS VERY. BLENDER'S LEARNING CURVE IS STEEP. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON DAVINCI RESOLVE. BUT ALSO I HAVE TO FILM????)

New project finally unlocked, but that also meant unlocking a lot of skills I have 0 knowledge of. Even looking down the gauntlet, the story continued to evolve. "What if I make it into an ARG" and "what if it launches off a video game demo".

The plans were BIG, the stakes were even BIGGER, and I'm just one guy who just got a pc powerful enough to get the ball rolling. So.... time to get to work, right?

WRONG.

There was still no story. I had characters, yeah, some themes, some scenes, but what was the meat of it? And then it came to me.

"Hey, remember Originator? Remember what we did with BotnEmil and StoJules? We should revisit that. While we're at it, we should revisit some older OCs from a long abandoned 2017 WIP."

And then I did. All of this to say that if you do ever embark on the journey that is The Singularity Project (official title still pending) whenever it releases, then you will have a leg up by knowing that Originator/Architect can be considered a "modern day retelling" of TSP's earliest story line.

How so?

Dr. Emil Krasner embarks with the Shackleton Expedition of 1914, a journey that ensures his assistant, Mr. Jules Al-Jurjani, returns with ice samples carrying an unknown specimen.

You see where I'm going with this? What little I thematically cannibalized of the original version of Originator is so minuscule and drastically different that I just. Decided to slap that bad boy back up.

Now, I'm obviously not going to tell you how this ties into what I've already shared of TSP. You guys know about Mike, Cy, and Verne. And this is, technically, an ARG, so the puzzle is half the fun.

Which also makes interacting with writeblr more than a little difficult because how the fuck do I share 1) without spoiling stuff and 2) stuff that's not in prose format???

Anyway, if you read all of this, may the universe give you a nice treat today. I'm gonna go do some video editing.

[enfyswanders]

London, Part 2: June 23-26, 2024

My friends, have you heard about our Lord and Savior, ABBA Voyage?

My friends Molly and Josh encouraged me to check it out. I like several ABBA songs, so I decided one of my big splurges for the trip would be a dance booth ticket for a matinée.

I was expecting a high-tech concert experience. I was not expecting to sob for the first 20 minutes.

But let me back up. What the heck is ABBA Voyage? It's a concert featuring holograms of the band ABBA in their heyday. Their prerecorded vocals and instruments are backed up by a live band that's shrouded in shadow for much of the show, but is occasionally brought out and featured. The venue is an arena specifically built for this show, in London's outskirts.

Walking into the arena, my first impression was "This is Pride for women in their 60s and 70s." The sheer joy from that demographic, with many of them wearing colorful, spangled jumpsuits, brought joy to my heart. (I didn't get a photo of any of the bejumpsuited people., but trust me, there were a lot of them. A fair number of them under 30, too!)

The dance booth ticket, while one of the priciest ticket tiers, was worth it. The dance booth is an area for 12 people that includes a cushioned bench for seating, plus a lower level open area for dancing, and you get a private bar and table service, too. I had two delicious passionfruit cocktails waiting for the show to begin.

When the show started, I got emotionally overwhelmed in a way I absolutely did not expect.

Feeling 1: This is the biggest arena show I've been to since well before the pandemic. There's something beautiful about so many people gathered to enjoy music together.

Feeling 2: I'm both excited and terrified for the implications this event has on the future of musical performance. On the one hand, it could make it much easier to see acts more places and after people have passed on. On the other hand, we lose the authenticity of live performance. Not a hair was out of place, no flubbed lyrics, no sweaty sheen on the performers' faces. They lampshaded the concept a little by doing a bit about a costume change gone wrong, but it kind of made me cringe. The show is, and will always be, perfect. In removing the precious ephemeral nature of live musical performance, what else are we losing?

Feeling 3: This is the closest I have ever come to a true time machine experience, and wow was it moving to "see" ABBA in their prime, something I could only do on video before.

Feeling 4: Traveling is Just So Much. I needed a release after everything from the first week.

So I cried for the first 20 minutes, huddled in a corner of the dance booth bench. I don't cry very often, so it really took me by surprise. Once I was done, I got up and danced a whole bunch.

Some interesting pieces of the show were having three femme vocalists from the live band perform "Does Your Mother Know"; an animated two-part short; some fun banter from ABBA; clips from their 1974 Eurovision entry; and at the end, there are holograms that come out for a curtain call that look like the band members do today, which I think was a nice touch.

Honestly, the whole thing was a religious experience. I was deeply moved and it made me think about the world in a different way. I will forgive them not playing my favorite ABBA song, "Take a Chance on Me," because the whole thing was just so amazing.

After the show, I had my first of many Adventures in Doing Laundry on the trip. I found a few coin-op laundry places near my hotel, but based on reviews they only took coins, specifically £1 coins, which is complicated because most businesses in London are contactless or card payment only, so I didn't get a lot of change. I asked at my hotel if I could buy some £1 coins, but all they had were £2 coins, which I took, and hoped for the best. Some of the online reviews mentioned that staff at the coin-ops could make change.

Unfortunately, this was a Sunday afternoon, and no staff were present. The first laundromat I visited only took £1 coins and there was no way to make change. Fortunately, the second laundromat I checked did take £2 coins, and I got to enjoy the sticker shock that it cost £20 to do a single load of laundry (about USD$25). While I sat there, I had a nice chat with a couple from Brisbane, where I used to live, and made friends with an older woman named Sharon, who I ended up meeting up with for dinner by chance after I brought my laundry back to my hotel. She was really fun to chat with, and gave me some tips for places to eat in the area.

The next day, I visited Kew Gardens Royal Botanical Gardens, which is enormous and I sadly didn't have time to wander the whole thing, or even most of it. I did get to enjoy the treetop walk, though, which was a really neat way to see the big old trees in the park from a different perspective. They had some neat sculptures, too.

Next up, I visited some Richmond locations from Ted Lasso, including his pub (renamed on the show to the Crown & Anchor), the door to his flat, and a really tacky souvenir shop that wanted a shocking £65 for a shirt. I had some fish and chips at the pub, and honestly, I wouldn't recommend the food. I don't think they've changed their fry oil in the past decade. They were also slammed with Ted Lasso fans and the staff did not seem to be happy about that fact.

After that, I decided to go see Big Ben, just to check if off the list, since it's such an iconic site. Dear gods, never again. Up until this point, the obnoxious-tourist quotient of my trip had been pretty manageable, but when you exit the Tube near Big Ben, the sidewalk is completely slammed with tourists and con artists who have no sense of personal space.

I got a quick pic and booked it out of there, seeing the exteriors of Westminster Abbey and Parliament House quickly, and decided to return to Tate Britain, because I enjoyed it so much and it was fairly close by. I finally got a pic of my favorite piece there, a sculpture by Henry Moore called Reclining Figure:

I started my last full day in London visiting the Mithraeum, the ruins of an old temple to the Roman god Mithras, which was recommended by my friend Ron. It was super cool. There's a whole immersive light-and-sound experience with the ruins, to make you feel like you're in the temple when it was active. There's Latin chanting and everything.

Then I went to the British Museum. And if I thought the tourists outside Big Ben were obnoxious, well. There were a lot more of them at the British Museum. I mean, obviously I myself am a tourist, so I can extend some grace, but what annoys me is people who clearly don't have experience being in large crowds in cities having no spatial awareness and failing to notice that there are people trying to move around them, so they stop suddenly, that kind of thing.

The British Museum was crowded and only nominally air-conditioned in some places, so I was hot and uncomfortable the entire time. I only lasted about 90 minutes before I had to call it, which was a shame, because there is some cool stuff to see there. I think my favorite thing was the Rosetta Stone, but I didn't get a photo of that. Instead, you get to see this statue of Hermes:

After the museum, I had booked myself for high tea at a fancy place called The Wolseley, but the reservation wasn't for another hour, so I decided to check another popular destination off the list and go see Buckingham Palace.

Tea was absolutely wonderful. The warm currant scones scones were soft and moist, and the clotted cream and jam with them were absolutely scrumptious. The finger sandwiches (cucumber, salmon, chutney, curry chicken salad, and egg salad) were all very tasty, and the desserts were fantastic patisserie. I had an hibiscus herbal tea with it, and really my only complaint was that I didn't have a companion to enjoy the experience with. It was absolutely phenomenal and made me a quick convert to the joys of high tea. (And spoiled me for all future high teas on the trip, unfortunately!)

On my way back to my hotel, I spotted something a friend told me about, that I'd walked past every single day and hadn't noticed: There's a fucking TARDIS right by my Tube stop.

I guess the chameleon circuit still works okay.

This made me laugh: