#and how badly I need to feel wanted like omgg is that not embarrassing. Why do I care anymore

[sillysakura]

I need to watch a shitty movie to get over myself but I have an essay (2) and finals. So I am just meant to suffer forever?

[atopearth]

Samurai Love Ballad Party Part 15 - Kirigakure Hotaru Route

Wow, Kyoichiro is Kaede’s friend and they’re getting his help with the heroine pretending to be her sister and dang is he rude for comparing her appearance to Kaede and saying she’s basically lacking! Excuse you, no one cares about your disgusting opinion! Anyway, Hotaru is kinda cute, don’t know why he doesn’t talk but niceee that he’s got a cat as his pet😆 It’s so cute that he got lost looking for the cat hahahaha. Hotaru is so cuteee though, he doesn’t talk much but he’s really earnest and nice. Hmmm Kyoichiro is possibly a runaway ninja and Hotaru is the hidden jewel of Iga that can freeze people with his voice, and also Saizo’s brother huh? Well, I really like Saizo, so I’ll be expecting a lot from his brother!

So heroine is basically trying to get closer to Hotaru so she can use him as a shield against Iga lol. It might be interesting if she has to keep up pretending to not be a ninja in front of him lol. Considering how cute Hotaru has been most of the time, when he told her to cry when she was on the verge of tears and emotional pain from the fact that her clan was in concrete imminent danger, he was really cool and reliable. Lmao, I love how chill Kenshin and everyone is with Hotaru’s soul of language skill where if he talks, their bodies are forced to adhere to his commands, so funny when Kageie kept telling Hotaru to do this and that to keep experimenting the limits and how it works etc, it’s so nice that none of them find it scary at all, but I guess given how quirky Kenshin and them all are, it’s expected haha. Hotaru is so innocent and sweet though, especially when he listened to Kenshin and gave the heroine flowers because he wanted her to smile again🥰 Although I guess it’s pretty scary how innocent he can be and yet how ruthless he also can be when killing others.

It’s so crazy how Hotaru gave the heroine a sleeping dart kinda needle for her to stab him with since he could tell that the soul of language skill he has bothers her. He really wants her to feel at ease with him😭🥺 Omg he has a sister too?! She seems super dodgy though. Oh wow, Hotaru came here under orders to kill Kenshin? And now that he said he won’t, his sister is just going to kill Hotaru like that??😥 Thankfully the guys came and saved them since Hotaru covered for her when his sister kept going for the heroine (who is obviously weaker and can’t dodge as well as him), but I see, his Soul of Language can kill with mere words, that’s why he’s so quiet yet dangerous. It was so sweet when the heroine guided Hotaru to give the sleeping darts to everyone else to have their trust, and omgggg when he said he wanted to stay here forever with the heroine and Kenshin and them, he’s so cute🥰😭 I love how when the heroine asked for a contract with Kenshin trying to win him over with her usefulness etc, he immediately rejected her, but when she decided to finally be open about being chased and wanting his protection for her and her village, he immediately said yes. Kenshin is such a soft and sweet guy that so naturally wins people’s trust over and believes in others and cherishing honesty😊

Oh man, Hotaru is such a sweet kid, I love how well they’re all bonding with him, and omggg when he was so happy that Kageie said he’ll get stronger, whyyyy be so cute for?!😍😍 Lmao when he said he loves her and she was shocked for a second and then calmed herself by thinking since it’s Hotaru, he probably loves her like he loves candy hahaha, it’s so true though, it probably is like that!🤣 Omggg when Kenshin tried to spell out how Hotaru feels by asking him questions. So cute when he said if the heroine gave him a flower, he’d show everybody, if she gave him food, he’d tell everybody and if she cried, he’d hug her tight, so sweet and cuteeee, I’m dying🥰🥰🥰 Omgg when he kissed her thinking she was pretty lol! He was so innocent about it! I’m so devastated that Yoshichi is gravely injured, I feel so sorry for Hotaru since it seems like Saizo attacked Yoshichi because of him… It’s so heartbreaking to see Hotaru so torn over how badly wounded Yoshichi is😢😢 I’m glad the heroine came clean to Hotaru about everything, like how she’s a fugitive from the Iga because they got sick of just listening to orders, she got close to Hotaru to get info and ended up learning that she can rely on Kenshin to protect her clan and how her antidote can cure all poisons. I’m so glad Yoshichi is all better now and everything is back to them being the heartwarming bunch they are😊

Omgggg Kaede is a guy?!?! I’m so shocked!!! Does that mean we’ll get a Kaede route in the future?😆 It was actually pretty devastating to see Hotaru try and use his Soul of Language skill to kill Kenshin but be unable to because he doesn’t really mean the words… It really shows how much Hotaru has been told that he is only worth as much as his skill, so really, I’m sure that if the skill doesn’t work, he’ll feel even more useless and meaningless. I never realised that the Dragon’s Tears could be used as poison that no antidote can cure as well😯 No wonder why everyone would want to get rid of their clan. How very like Kenshin to reject the use of the poison and instead just ask the heroine for the medicine to help all his injured people. And I always love that Kenshin tells them that regardless of whether they had such strong skills or not, he would still treat them as one of his people. It’s always nice to know how much Kenshin appreciates them for who they are rather than what they can contribute. I’m so happy that the heroine has made Hotaru realise that all his feelings and everything he has and has experienced is his alone and no one can dictate that for him. So cute when he hugged her in front of everyone, I’m so glad that he’s realised that he’s not alone anymore🤣

It’s nice to see how Kenshin’s kindness and acceptance has made both the heroine and Hotaru grow as a person and change. Hotaru can face Saizo without thinking that he’s worthless and the heroine has found a place she wants to protect enough that she’s willing to kill others to protect the ones she cares for, especially since she’s never killed anyone before. And seeing her face Yuki (Hotaru’s sister) determined to protect the life that Hotaru has finally earned for himself was very heartwarming. Not sure why Yuki let the heroine go…but okay loll. It was so sudden when Hotaru kissed the heroine thanking her for being alive, it was so random that I’m not sure if I felt it was more sweet or more random lol. It was really sweet when he finally properly understood what his feelings were and confessed lol, but I was so surprised when it just ended after that lol! Guess we can enjoy the epilogue now… I love how determined Hotaru is towards protecting the heroine, he won’t even let her protect him, he’s just like no to her hahaha. He’s so cute. How kind of Kenshin to assign the heroine to the same room as Hotaru!🤣 Lmao at Kanetsugu being soft towards having Tora (Hotaru’s pet cat) in the room as well since he breaks stuff lol. But awww, Hotaru was so cute when he thought the heroine didn’t like it that they were sharing a room, why is he so adorableeee~ It’s so cute how much Hotaru loves to kiss her and he does it so brazenly in public too hahaha. So adorable when Kanetsugu is surprisingly the one that gets the most embarrassed seeing them like that though, he’s the one with a daughter hahaha! But yeah, it’s wonderful to see everything being the same as usual and everyone having fun😆

Overall, I love Hotaru’s route. I also love Hotaru too! But I can’t view him romantically so it’s a bit weird to me, I guess it’s because we kinda see Hotaru grow so much as a person that I feel so proud of the heroine and everyone else for bringing him out of his hole that I don’t feel like the romance was what was needed in his story. However, it is an otome game so it couldn’t be helped haha, so I don’t think it was too weird since he fell in love and realised it in his own awkward but sweet way. The relationship Hotaru cultivated with Kenshin and all the retainers was also my favourite out of all the routes, I feel like the way Hotaru and the heroine interacted with them all in this route just made me feel like it was the most natural thing in the world and it really seemed like they all became family and I honestly loved that. I guess the only problem I had was with Yuki and Saizo being the “villains” of this route, but I didn’t really see why they, well mostly Yuki, why exactly she backed off and why the Iga clan would allow someone so useful like Hotaru to just kinda run off like that without doing anything much, but I guess they’re under Kenshin’s protection now. Otherwise, Hotaru was super cute, sweet and such a good boy! And the heroine was actually likeable! Lol, I felt like she really tried her best for Hotaru and her clan and she wasn’t as silly as she was in the other routes (maybe because she has to be the mature one or something) so yay, definitely my favourite shadow route!

[atopearth]

Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms Part 7 - Yamazaki Susumu Route

It must have been so frustrating for Yamazaki to see Hijikata be treated with such disrespect by the higher up guys wanting to just give up on fighting and “make peace” which was essentially surrendering, when the Shinsengumi fought even in the most disadvantageous situations at Toba-Fushimi, losing Gen and so many other faithful men who believed in the Shogunate, yet now, these guys who the Shinsengumi fought to protect want to just give up when they haven’t even done anything to fight? You can see why Yamazaki’s so mad. I’m more surprised that Hijikata can be so chill about it all, especially even when the Shinsengumi men are feeling demoralised and dissatisfied with the fact that Hijikata and Kondou are never there to boost morale and reassure them that the Shinsengumi is okay. The thing I love about Yamazaki is that,  because of the former, he was mad and that’s why he wasn’t very nice to the heroine when she told him to eat even if he doesn’t feel like it when he came back,  but then after he calmed down a bit, he properly apologised to her, and I think that’s the most important thing in a relationship; knowing when to apologise when you’re wrong since everyone has bad days.

It was so sweet when Chizuru bravely asked Hijikata if she could accompany them to fight for Kofu Castle because she was worried about someone (Yamazaki of course!). It was nice to see that Yamazaki understood who that was and pleaded to Hijikata for her, since he also acknowledges how important of a role she has by tending to the wounds of the injured. It’s a very difficult job too. Omgg, I love that Yamazaki pleaded for her because he understood her feelings and because she said she’d follow him anywhere so he’s answering to that! A lot of the guys try their best to protect Chizuru and so they prioritise her safety before what she really wants, so seeing that Yamazaki has acknowledged that they’ll both be together forever whether that be in life or in death, it makes me really happy. He gets it! XD Awww, I’m just as disappointed as Chizuru! I would’ve liked to see Yamazaki in the western uniform too! It’s true that he doesn’t really have a need to change uniforms when he always operates in the shadows and never really wore the traditional Japanese clothing when he fought anyway, but stilllll hahaha.

It felt so terrible to see Yamazaki succumb to the bloodlust and crave blood so badly that he’d ignore someone’s wounds to kill others, it was very saddening to see, but heartbreaking to see him realise that he can’t win against bloodlust😢 I didn’t even realise they didn’t visit the heroine’s house in this route until they mentioned it! I guess it is quite different haha. The rest of the Shinsengumi are going to Aizu as usual but Yamazaki and the heroine stayed to look for her father since he’s creating his dangerous army of Furies. It was really reckless of Yamazaki to go with the heroine to save Kondou. I was really happy to see Okita come to do the same, but sad that he ended up sacrificing his life for the Kondou that couldnt’ be saved, and to allow the heroine and Yamazaki to escape since the latter got poisoned by Kodo. Despite Okita’s illness that should render him unable to move, his willpower must have been terribly strong to actually come all this way to try and save Kondou and even kill so many Furies before he eventually fell. The only good thing was that Okita could die as a warrior here instead of succumbing to his illness, I’m sure that’s what he’s always wanted, but the thing to be lamented was that he was still unable to save Kondou. It’s inevitable but nevertheless saddening.

It was so cute when Yamazaki tried to ask the heroine that instead of getting blood from her hand as usual to quell his bloodlust, he wanted to get it from her lips instead, since kissing the hand apparently shows loyalty but he wants a more intimate relationship than that☺️☺️ It was so cute how embarrassed he was trying to suggest it🤣 My heart warmed when Chizuru asked him to not use his Fury powers since she wants to make a home together with him in the future, so she needs his life just as much as he needs hers☺️ Kazama legit came out of nowhere and killed Kodo so that Chizuru wouldn’t need to be the one to do it. I guess he was trying to be nice in his own way, even though he would have done it either way lol. Naturally, Yamazaki left the Shinsengumi with Chizuru to start a new life as a doctor, so that instead of taking lives, he could instead save lives now, which is very admirable and completely within what I expected of Yamazaki. I was really looking forward to him doing that haha. I just didn’t expect then to reopen Yukimura clinic! I guess that would be the best place for them to be☺️ Chizuru looks so cute with braided hair! Anyway, it was so picturesque to see them spending their lives at the place where Chizuru first started, doing the same as she once did with her father, but now instead with the person she loves. 

Overall, I really liked Yamazaki’s route, I feel like they really connected well in their beliefs and their regard for the Shinsengumi since they both did their best to tend to their wounded friends and they desired more knowledge to save as many of their friends as they could. It felt like they knew what each other wanted and headed in the same direction, on the same foothold and they walked together doing what they could, whereas some of the other routes have the guys being more on the protective side as if Chizuru can’t do anything. It felt like she was on the same “level” as Yamazaki here, it kind of reminds me of how Heisuke and Chizuru interacted, so yeah I really liked that :D

[atopearth]

Higurashi When They Cry Part 3: Ch 3 Tatarigoroshi-hen

I guess this one will focus on Satoko and her past relationship with her brother Satoshi that is missing. I’ve always been curious about that so I’m hyped. But Satoko really is kind and sweet despite her expected trap making skills lmao. Lucky she saved Keiichi from burning his house down omg, I was so scared for him lol. Btw, Chie-sensei the curry maniac is so pretty and cuteee omgg!! She doesn’t look scary but danggg lol!

As someone with two brothers, seeing how much Satoko misses her brother and sees her brother in Keiichi really makes me teary. My brothers are really important to me as well so the thought of them disappearing would probably make me feel really lonely as well. Even if Keiichi is like a replacement brother, he’s a good and sweet one. 💯 approved!

Their club games are literally the best, that baseball game was so funny and cool, especially the way Satoko called him out making him misunderstand that they were in a physical fight and needed help lmaoo. So hilarious that Kameda’s weakness was that he has a secret guilty pleasure in eating desserts because he’s into sullying pretty things with his sportsman exterior HAHAHA. What kind of fetish is this?!😂😂 Coach Irie is such a good guy though, only if you take his random inappropriate jokes as jokes though haha. I thought it was really kind of him to want to give the best to Satoko and even have the intention to adopt her but be unable to since he’s not married.

Think I read somewhere that Shion was Satoshi’s girlfriend so I wasn’t very surprised but I guess this is another reason for her dislike of Hinamizawa and not living there or going there often? Rena and her obsession with Oyashiro-sama’s curse is as scary as ever. With a bit more context this time, it seems like Satoshi may have thought about escaping Hinamizawa and that’s what angered Oyashiro-sama and Rena seems to have experienced this firsthand… She said she begged for forgiveness and that’s why she was saved or spared or something… I wonder what happened to Rena… Did she try to run away once upon a time? Satoshi doesn’t seem like the type to abandon Satoko so he’s probably dead I guess… But whaat, is Satoko’s dad actually still alive and he even had a lover?? As the leaders of the faction that was all for the dam project, he was actually spared? Doesn’t seem like Mion and them to allow him to live though…

Why does Ooishi seem so evil or malicious or something in this one…? He literally grabbed Keiichi and hurt him.. but Ooishi being Oyashiro-sama’s servant and that he decides that the sacrifices for the curse every year? That’s a new theory.. Oh my mistake, the one with a lover is the uncle?? And he’s back… And preventing Satoko from going to school… Keiichi is such an asshole and so mean to Mion. He’s not the only one that cares about Satoko but he pushes the responsibility of saving her on to her as if it’s her fault that Satoko is in pain. He’s so naive and ridiculous to think that he can just say all this to Mion and make her cry when he’s not even doing anything to help Satoko either! I’m glad Rena shouted at him, he totally deserved it😡😡

I guess you can understand why Satoko blames herself for Satoshi’s disappearance. He’s always been a good brother protecting her after all, and she was the one who reported the child abuse and in turn made her aunt and uncle abuse them even more due to the report. There was nothing wrong with her relying on her older brother but I guess since she’s older now, she also knows that it must have been painful for him to take everything on himself. So her hope that if she becomes more mature and deals with this problem herself, her brother will come back is logical.. tbh Keiichi this time around is very infuriating because he keeps on thinking that just because people aren’t reacting as badly as him towards Satoko’s situation that they don’t care as much or aren’t as desperate. It’s like who does he think he is, what puts him on that high horse, seriously. Everyone cares and worries in their own different ways and he’s constantly judging and thinking of them as lesser than him in terms of this mentality and it just makes me want to hit him, because they’re trying to think of ways to make the situation more positive for Satoko but he just rains on their parade because they’re being “happy”. 

Seriously, how would Satoko feel if they always looked at her with sad eyes of pity and concern all the time, she’d feel so inadequate, embarrassed and even more sad! Gahhhh! He’s so emotional and not helping the problem at all! If it helped I’d be all for it but it really doesn’t and just makes it harder for everyone that’s trying to help the situation so it really makes me angry! If I was Mion, I would have snapped at him already because the way he treats her just makes me so protective of her especially since she always apologises to him when it’s not even her fault! So what if she’s got housekeepers dude, Satoko’s guardian is her uncle because he’s a blood relative and so it’s not a money problem at all. He really needs to keep his emotions in check omg. It was so cruel of Keiichi to tell Mion to choose Satoko’s uncle to be the sacrifice for Oyashiro-sama’s curse just because he heard that she’s the head of the Sonozaki family. I’m aware of how desperate he is towards trying to save Satoko but, he was literally accusing her of being a murderer, a serial killer and the mastermind of everything with no evidence or anything, just ignorance I guess. He really didn’t consider Mion’s feelings at all and that angers me. He’s always hurting her when she’s so kind. He doesn’t think about anyone else’s feelings!

But wow, I never thought that Satoko’s actually had many “dads” since her mother remarried once and had many de facto partners, and that Satoko played malicious pranks on them to the point that they couldn’t stand Satoko. I guess she wanted attention from her mother and she thought the existence of this father was stopping that so she never really accepted any of them and kept up this behaviour… She’s an emotionally hurt child but I can’t help but sympathise with some of them to an extent since Satoko’s pranks can go quite far tbh… It seems that there was the theory that Satoko purposely hurt herself so she could chase her stepfather out with the child welfare people… And she really did lie about it so this theory was actually true… Which is why the second time they were called, they were wary of it and wanted to wait and see how the situation goes..

To see Satoko break down so badly and hurt Keiichi so badly (physically and emotionally) was daunting. Kinda glad Rena shouted at him when he kept talking when it was obvious that he was scaring Satoko with his existence as a guy probably. But I guess what I feared seems to have begun to happen. Keiichi is losing it and thinking of how to kill Satoko’s uncle. I wonder if Oyashiro-sama’s curse is actually some supernatural being taking in the vulnerable emotions of those who are really mad etc and exacerbating that and thus leading to the death of those they hate? And then they get eaten by the supernatural being themselves and that’s why they disappear?

So, in a sense, the reason Keiichi’s family moved was because of him. He was a special kid that was “smart” in that he was quick to pick up things and go beyond the expectations of his teachers, but that kinda made him get a big head I guess and he slowly lost his normal social life with others. And as others do, the parents decided to move somewhere to help change the environment and hopefully he can start anew happily somewhere else. But I honestly didn’t think Keiichi would really go through with the murder of Satoko’s uncle. I really enjoyed the entire deliberation he had over the whole thing though and his previous annoying actions made it easier to believe that he was capable of doing this. It felt very real because of how detailed his thought process was and how understandable his thoughts were, which is also what made it so uncomfortable as well. Because really, it showed how easy it could be to kill another person as long as you plan it, have the intention and go through with it. This time, Keiichi didn’t go to the festival so I’m curious about what happens in this game. I’ve read manga and books where the closest person to the victim ends up killing the perpetrator, and it always makes me feel so sad to see it happen, because they’re all ordinary people who wanted to protect the victim so much…so much that to an extent, they went insane from the trauma. It’s just so devastating…

The possiblity of Takano killing Tomitake…never occurred to me. I guess it was because they always seemed like they were dating so I never thought she’d ever kill him, I mean.. What could be the reason? And who kills Takano every time if she is the one who supposedly killed Tomitake? Unless Keiichi actually has another personality or something and so even though he was exhausted, he ended up killing Takano as well~ although I could imagine Mion or someone killing Takano to protect Keiichi. But what? Keiichi was at the festival, just like he was in the other games? Does that mean the worlds are connected?? One disappears and one dies… Did Takano disappear or die? If one Keiichi disappeared and we’re left with this one that killed Satoko’s uncle.. Is he actually a demon and not Keiichi? As expected, the uncle is actually not dead though. Does that mean, somehow Keiichi has gone into a different timeline after killing the uncle? Different world?

I feel sorry for Keiichi that Irie thinks he’s crazy after he told him how he shouldn’t have been at the festival but everyone else said he was, and that he killed the uncle. But you really can’t blame Irie, considering Keiichi’s past actions with how emotional he was over Satoko and everything, tbh I’m not even sure that just because I’m reading this from his perspective that he really did kill the uncle or whether his hatred was just so magnified to such an extent with his helplessness towards Satoko that he thought he killed the uncle when he really didn’t. The missing baseball bat etc could have been moved by him when he’s in a dazed state or whatever as well, just like in the first game when he killed Mion and Rena after he turned crazy. Keiichi has always been the scariest when pushed to the limits after all… Maybe Satoshi really did the same thing as Keiichi, maybe he did beat the aunt to death to protect Satoko, maybe Satoshi and him are as similar as they keep saying in this game and the previous ones.. Maybe he’s just Satoshi with brown hair hahahaha.

Is it true that whoever Keiichi wishes for to die, they’ll die? Irie didn’t believe his story and was cursed, so he died? Ooishi kept hitting him with mud when Keiichi tried to dig up that hole where the body should have been and was cursed by Keiichi, so he died? I’m glad Satoko’s okay though, she was literally bathing in boiling hot water for one whole night, I’m surprised she’s still alive and conscious tbh. But, I can’t believe Rika is dead and killed in the way the Hinamizawa torture would go, with her stomach cut open and her bowels and organs taken out. Poor Rika, how cruel… So, Satoko snuck in that ritual storehouse when she was a kid and broke one of those cages making it hit into an image of Oyashiro-sama as she ran away and Rika got blamed for it.. so Satoko thinks that everything crazy that has happened, her parents dying, her brother disappearing, her aunt beaten to death, Rika dying, Keiichi killing her uncle, everything is all because of Oyashiro-sama’s curse of killing the people closest to you first and then you last. Is the curse real, or is the curse as real as they believe it to be, I wonder? Satoko really can’t help but think that Keiichi has been possessed huh?

But to think that his wish that this cursed version of Hinamizawa would disappear would actually make everyone besides him disappear from this world through toxic volcanic gas… I guess this was an ending where Keiichi survived huh? Not that living is any better though. He lived long enough to torment him until his eventual death. Yeah, that’s not nice at all.

Btw, the all cast review session is always so great, I’d recommend watching them for every game, this one was especially great and funny hahaha! I mean it’s so true that Tomitake is like a newscaster, his death is always the announcement that Higurashi will be going into the second half which is darker hahaha! They always so calmly analyse how they died etc and stuff like that, it’s so interesting! Kinda interested that Shion will be the main character for Meakashi, I really like her just like many others do XD

Overall, I enjoyed this game as much as the others but I do admit that Keiichi frustrated me at times and it was a bit draggy about the depressing things, sigh but it was really good. I guess it just made me sad to read it every time, rather than scared lol. Gotta say the killing part was a highlight and a very interesting turn to the series. Can’t wait to play the next one~~