#and i firmly believe cassandra started quietly planning her exit at this point

[hazel-of-sodor]

Something Holy This Way Comes

Ch.16 I Searched For You

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Screech sat outside the Uman and Din’s main office with Cassandra and Abbey waiting for Miss Morgan. With the influx of new locomotives it had become increasingly clear the railway desperately needed more crews. While many had applied over the previous weeks, they had all been rejected for one reason or another until the latest one. This one, an engine driver, had not only met, but exceeded all the requirements for the job. They had proven a skilled and experienced hand at both driving and firing locomotives of Western build. Their final test to pass before being hired was to meet Screech, who had been carefully kept away until Miss Morgan had been certain this was the person she wanted. Cassandra had tagged along because she ‘could feel the Lady's amusement.’

Before she had said that, Screech had been largely uninterested. Gywn and Freda were her crew, with Mali if she needed a third. Although she would tolerate the other crews if the need arose, she had no intentions of allowing another crew on her footplate unless truly needed.

The sun had actually appeared from behind the clouds, warming her boiler, Cassandra and Abbey were chatting quietly about coaches and Screech had almost dozed off contentedly when Miss Morgan exited with the potential new driver.

“Gwyllgi is our primary heavy go…”

“Screech!?!” The woman cut off Miss Morgan as she suddenly dashed towards the 47xx.

Screech opened both eyes in confusion to stare at the woman, her long dark red hair in disarray as she scrambled up onto Screech’s bufferbeam.

Screech was about to waspishly snap at the woman for her presumption when her eyes met green and she suddenly realized the woman was oddly familiar.

“...Driver?” Screech asked disbelievingly.

Her old driver lunged forward to hug her face, “old girl I thought you scrapped!” She said, laughing disbelievingly as tears streamed down her face.

“I was.” Screech rumbled in shock, slowly wrapping her tendrils around the woman in a carefully tight embrace, “but I escaped.”

“Oh course you did, old girl, oh Sarah will be so happy to see you!”

Screech looked over her old driver, still clearly in shock “I've never seen your proper shape before.”

Her old driver suddenly looked down in surprise then laughed, “I suppose you haven't. They let me go when you were withdrawn, said they didn't appreciate my attempt to buy you, so there was no point pretending to be a man anymore.”

“You tried to buy me?” Screech suddenly sounded very small.

“I was saving from the moment the plan was announced.” She said solemnly, “they refused to sell. I never told you because I didn't want to get your hopes up. In the end they wouldn't even tell me what yard you were sent to so I could say goodbye.”

“Oh.” Screech's voice held an uncharacteristic shake in it. “I thought you had moved on to another engine.”

“No dear,” she said firmly, bruising away a tear of midnight black gently, “I have spent the last two years looking for you or, failing that one of your siblings to care for in your memory. I applied for this job to pay for my search.”

Screech found herself unable to reply.

Freda patted her boiler softly, “she stayed here because of you.” She said softly, “said her old driver would have her frames if she left us in need, and that she would never disappoint you.”

The woman stared up at her old engine, “you thought I’d left you to your fate, and you still didn't want to disappoint me?”

“I could never disappoint you Driver.” Screech said quietly.

Without looking away the woman spoke to Miss Morgan, “I’ll take whatever job you’ll give me Miss Morgan, I'll start over as cleaner again if I have to, but I'm not losing my engine again. Not this time.”

“I believe I can do a fair sight better than that.” Miss Morgan said seriously, “had I realized you were the driver Screech spoke so fondly of, you would have been hired on the spot, but Screech always referred to you as male.”

“It was not my secret to reveal.”

Miss Morgan sighed but was smiling, “Screech's seemingly endless list of secrets aside, I trust her judgment. If I wasn't certain before I am now. Welcome to the railway Miss Lewis.”

“Thank you Miss Morgan.” Miss Lewis started scratching a spot just over Screech's right eye, causing the eldritch titan to release a rumbling purr.

“Do you have somewhere to stay while you get settled in?” Freda asked.

She nodded, “Miss Morgan offered me a place in the worker's housing.”

Freda frowned, “while our worker's housing is certainly better than the other railway’s, it's hardly built with children in mind. Gywn and I have spare rooms for you two if you wish.”

“I don't wish to impose...”

“And you won't be, besides you can tell us more about our engine. She hasn't told us much of her time before she came here. Come let's get your paperwork signed so you can go get Sarah and tell her the good news.” She wrapped an arm around the other woman and led her back inside, Miss Morgan and Gywn following.

Once the humans had gone back into the office, Abbey snorted, “apparently claiming the engine wasn’t enough. Miss Freda wants to claim the driver too.”

Screech shot the star a betrayed look as Cassandra chuckled.

The 47xx swung her gaze toward the tank engine, “You knew it was her.”

“I suspected,” Cassandra admitted, “the only reason the Lady would be amused about a new driver meeting you was if you knew them.”

Screech thought for a moment then sighed, “I can hardly be mad at her getting her amusement out of me when it means I get Driver back.”

Cassandra snorted in amusement.

“You are excited to have her back though.” Abbey observed, “I haven't seen you that off balance since you admitted you wanted to stay.”

“I thought she had forgotten me as soon as I was withdrawn.” Screech admitted.

“Instead she was looking for you,” Abbey comforted her, “and we won't let you be separated this time.”

[bestworstcase]

legitimately it fucks me up that RDO is widely considered both in and out of cassunzel circles to be just. cassunzel tangled au: the episode, and that in cassunzel spaces its reputation is largely that it’s a sweet romantic episode that comes as close to canonizing cassunzel as a disney princess cartoon could reasonably get–

–like it is unfathomable to me that RDO is seen this way when RDO is a horrific coda to RATGT and puts the final nail in the coffin of rapunzel’s and cassandra’s friendship-as-it-presently-stands. what cass sees in the house of yesterdays tomorrow isn’t the point of no return: RDO is. i will die on this hill.

RATGT ends with cass, having been mutilated by rapunzel, insisting that she is fine, donning armor, and quietly but determinedly telling rapunzel “it’s your call” re: whether the gang will press on to the dark kingdom or, you know, turn back to maybe seek medical care cassandra’s barbecued hand. this comes on the heels of rapunzel telling cass that 1) rapunzel is the future queen, 2) she is going to make decisions cass disagrees with, and 3) she needs and expects cass to “be okay” with that.

meaning, cassandra at the end of RATGT is attempting to do precisely what rapunzel asked her to do: set aside her own feelings completely and subordinate herself to rapunzel’s leadership, no matter what.

and RDO is a brutal examination of how untenable this state of affairs is.

because the premise of RDO is this: rapunzel cannot stand that cass is acting cranky and curt over what happened in the great tree, and she manipulates the situation to get cassandra alone with the intention of forcing cass to talk to her so things can go back to normal again.

furthermore, rapunzel is angry at cassandra for a constellation of interrelated reasons: 1) she has recast the events of the tree as “i told cass i had it under control, she didn’t listen and burned herself, if she had listened to me none of this would have happened,” ignoring or forgetting that she did not have it under control and that cass did not interfere until rapunzel said she couldn’t control the incantation, 2) because she blames cassandra for the injury, she feels indignant that cass is mad at her for something rapunzel has decided is not her fault, and 3) she has convinced herself that they just need to talk things out to make everything better and is infuriated that cass refuses to discuss it. she literally draws cassandra as an enraged monster while processing her feelings about this. rapunzel states that she “gets” why cass is mad at her, but her behavior makes it clear that in rapunzel’s mind, cassandra is the “bad guy” in this conflict.

meanwhile cassandra is focused on retraining her injured hand—not on healing, not on recuperating, not on working through her feelings about what happened, but on recovering her fighting ability because without that she has no worth to the group. i won’t even qualify that with an “in her mind,” because at this point… yeah. these people are her friends but at no point between RATGT and DC do they lift a finger to support her, express concern for her well-being or feelings, or treat her like their equal; in mirror mirror they will walk out on her mid-sentence and eugene will scoff openly at the idea that any of them would ever listen to her, in lost and found eugene will leap to the conclusion that cass is the traitor, and in destinies collide he and rapunzel will openly doubt her loyalty, intentions, and physical ability to help them (while also continuing to blame her for the injury). cass is worthless to them.

cassandra does not want to talk about it with rapunzel, probably because the last time she tried to be vulnerable with rapunzel she got shot down on the grounds of rapunzel being in charge. she makes this very clear. rapunzel strong arms cass into going on a scouting trip with just the two of them, and even becomes dismayed when cass tries to bring owl along because she wanted cass completely alone. she continually prods at the wound, trying to get cass to talk.

this comes to a head when they camp, and rapunzel directly initiates a conversation… leading with “i’m mad at you too” and again blaming the injury on cass. cass says, “if that’s how you feel, it’s fine,” and rapunzel pushes harder because it clearly isn’t fine, and she wants cass to talk about it NOW so they can resolve it and be friendly again. she harangues cass until cass snaps and shouts that she wishes rapunzel would forget the whole thing—

—and then boom! magic amnesia cassunzel tangled au. the whole thing is predicated on an enormous violation of cassandra’s boundaries by rapunzel, a violation which involved rapunzel blaming cass for the trauma rapunzel caused, a violation that continued relentlessly over cassandra’s repeated requests to stop until cass lashed out.

rapunzel without her memories is oblivious to this context and her painful history with cass. cass is not, and feels a huge weight of responsibility to fix her mistake. she recognizes that she inadvertently hurt rapunzel and throws herself into making it right… while continuing to withhold the truth, because the trauma is fresh, because she has too much bad experience with rapunzel to feel comfortable being emotionally open with her as she once was, and because she feels guilty about wiping rapunzel’s memories. at the same time, rapunzel’s reset back to a sweet, happy, excited person rather than one who is furious and harassing cassandra for having feelings about being maimed reminds cass of all the reasons she does love rapunzel…

…which all culminates in cassandra restoring rapunzel’s memories and apologizing. she details for rapunzel the reasons she’s upset, but follows it up with saying she shouldn’t have snapped, shouldn’t have touched the wand, shouldn’t have lied, and that while she is angry she isn’t always going to be: she’ll get over it because that’s what friends do.

there is no apology from rapunzel. rapunzel doesn’t take any accountability for burning cassandra’s hand, nor does she apologize for pestering and pushing until cass snapped, nor does she apologize for blaming cass and vilifying her for being mad. the framing of this reconciliation is “cass was wrong, and rapunzel graciously accepts her apology” which is SUPER FUCKED UP in the context of “rapunzel mutilated cass then blamed her for it and got mad that cass was upset and then nagged her until cass finally lost her temper.” which is what happens. but because rapunzel was harmed when cass lost her temper that context is shoved aside and cass ends up in the position of apologizing and accepting blame for the entire conflict.

lastly: paired together, “rapunzel accidentally mutilated cass” and “cass accidentally wiped rapunzel’s memories” are a stark illustration of how unbalanced the relationship has become, not just in the sense of rapunzel being the princess and cassandra her servant but also in the emotional sense that cass gives and rapunzel takes. when rapunzel accidentally harms cass she shifts all the blame onto cass, browbeats her for being upset, and makes it all about HER feelings and what SHE wants. by comparison when cass accidentally harms rapunzel she takes full responsibility and goes to great lengths to try to fix it while shoving her own feelings aside, and then offers rapunzel a heartfelt apology while also giving rapunzel the reassurance she demanded that things can be fine between them again—despite the fact that rapunzel’s stance on the great tree incident hasn’t budged.

RATGT digs a grave, but RDO is what puts their friendship in the ground. because cass is given no quarter: she is not allowed to be mad or upset, because rapunzel doesn’t want her to be. she is pushed and pushed and pushed until she snaps—and then she’s the one at fault for the whole thing, she’s the one apologizing, and she’s the one reassuring rapunzel that she’ll just get over her bad feelings without rapunzel having to do anything to earn her forgiveness. there is no real communication happening; RDO is where their ability to communicate dies. and personally i’m convinced that the device of rapunzel temporarily losing her memories was used specifically because the episode ends with rapunzel experiencing another false “reset” of sorts: she walks away from that conversation with cass believing everything is fine, or at least on a path to becoming find again, when in reality their friendship is now in the morgue.

[admiralty-xfd]

the whole truth

This is chapter 8, to go back to the beginning click here.

Diana “miraculously” recovers but finds herself in even deeper with the Syndicate. How does her presence affect the events of Fight the Future? 

Chapter 8: The Turn

46TH STREET

NEW YORK, NEW YORK

JUNE 1998

Gibson sat alone in a small office that reeked of cigarette smoke and musty old furniture. His grandfather back in the Philippines smoked and that’s what the room reminded him of… the way old people smelled.

He didn’t belong here, but between his twelve-year-old self and escape was a room full of old men. Dangerous old men. He was terrified. Nothing any of them had planned was anything good.

“. ..We have an opportunity now, a good one, to get Mulder on our side... ” came one of the voices from through the door.

"X-Files shut down…”

“Agent Mulder…”

Agent Mulder. He was the guy with all the romantic drama going on. Gibson could tell from their single meeting he was a nice man, a decent man. In situations such as the one he found himself in, he was desperate to know who his allies were.

Gibson got up and went to the door, opened it a crack. He could see three or four men from this vantage point, but could hear several more. The cacophony of voices was easier to understand when people didn’t talk over each other. And it helped that these men did not interrupt. But it was difficult to tell which words were thoughts and which were voices because they all lied.

It was always difficult to tell with liars.

"...already separated them...”

“They’re not a problem for us anymore.”

“If you believe separating Mulder and Scully will diminish them, you haven’t been paying attention,” the tall man with the cigarette spoke up. “Splitting them up professionally hasn’t worked. Creating a real divide is going to take… a unique approach.”

Gibson opened the door a tiny bit wider and got a pretty good view of the dozen or so men in the room. Now it was much easier to distinguish the words in their minds from the words on their lips.

“And what approach do you suggest...” “...Wanker?” the British guy said. Thought.

“Agent Fowley will be quite useful to us in that regard,” the cigarette man said simply.

“She’s too smart for that...” “She’d never allow herself to be maneuvered in that way,” came the thought, then the voice of another man.

The smoking man smiled. “She won’t have to be maneuvered,” he explained. “Agent Mulder and Agent Fowley have a history together. I have a feeling all we’ll need to do is move the pieces into place.”

“Fowley’s circling the drain,” said another man. “Her doctors say there’s nothing to be done.”

"...Practically dead on arrival...”

“My man has excellent aim,” the smoking man declared. “Agent Fowley’s current condition was planned and executed perfectly. She’ll survive.”

Gibson wasn’t sure what he meant by that, how exactly he could know something like that. This man, the biggest liar of them all, was incredibly hard to read.

“I’ll take care of it,” the cigarette man said firmly.

“Like you took care of Mulder.” “Just kill him already,” one of the men said, then thought.

“Nuisance…”

“Nothing but trouble for us…”

“I have taken care of Mulder,” the cigarette man insisted. “The X-Files have been shut down and he’s been neutralized.”

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, why neutralize him? Why not dispose of him?” a man with a foreign accent asked.

The cigarette man took another drag. “Mulder is useful at best, a distraction at worst. His reckless actions with the attorney general have been his own undoing. Every time something like this happens he loses even more credibility. Mulder is not a problem, especially without his partner by his side. And like I’ve always suggested, he might be convinced, if given the proper motivation, to join our cause.”

“We do not have time for these games,” a big man with a raspy voice said suddenly. “We need to decide what is to be done with the boy.”

“There’s only one thing to be done with the boy,” the smoking man said. “Contact Dr. Openshaw. Prepare Cassandra for a new experiment.”

Gibson’s head ached in reluctant anticipation. More experiments. More tests. More pain. He just wanted all of it to stop.

“Cassandra Spender?” a voice came. “Your wife?” “Are you certain this is the proper course?”

Gibson didn’t have to see the smoking man’s glare. He could feel it.

“You’re asking me if I’m certain? Don’t ask me to repeat myself. Make the preparations.”

VIRGINIA HOSPITAL CENTER

ARLINGTON, VA

JUNE 1998

Diana jerked awake, her heaving, ragged breaths restoring her consciousness. Pain, then none, then she was staring up into the eyes of a hulking figure. The man had blond hair, a square jaw and a dead eyed stare. His hands were upon her shoulder, where the bullet must have gone clean though.

She knew immediately what this meant.

“You’re incredibly lucky to be alive, Agent Fowley,” a familiar voice came from across the room. She turned her head to look towards the source of the voice and even in the bright lights of her hospital room somehow Spender had found a place to sit cloaked in shadow. Hospital or no hospital, he held a lit cigarette in his hand. She knew better than to question it.

“Luck?” she scoffed weakly, as the alien bounty hunter exited the room. “Is it, really?”

“I was surprised,” he explained casually. “The man I sent is usually more...accurate. The bullet was meant to be a near-miss. A believable threat to get the child back into our hands. It wasn’t meant to hit you and it certainly wasn’t meant to hit a main artery. You’re lying in this hospital bed because of a simple mistake.”

“Some mistake,” she replied, wincing. “I can’t feel my shoulder.”

Her shoulder was completely numb. The pain was gone but she felt heat radiating throughout her body. She knew of the aliens’ healing powers, had seen it demonstrated before. But this was the first time she’d been on the receiving end.

“No, Agent Fowley. The mistake was putting you on this case at all. Thinking you could handle the responsibility. That you could handle Agent Mulder.” It was the first time he’d referenced her relationship with Fox, their connection, since all those years ago in Blevins’ office. “Far be it for me to interfere in your… personal affairs. But involving Mulder in this case has led to some unwanted attention.”

“If you anticipated this being a problem, you should have warned me he’d be here,” she pointed out. “Agent Spender told me he had specifically excluded him.”

“We weren’t expecting him to catch wind of this case. Our leak was AD Skinner and that situation is being… addressed,” he explained. “I have Alex Krycek handling it. But Agent Mulder has made the attorney general aware of this boy. ”

This surprised Diana. She shook her head. “No. He wouldn’t, I was trying to convince him not to.”

“I suppose he didn’t take your advice,” Spender said. “Fortunately for us, the Justice Department hearing ‘Spooky’ Mulder’s tale had the very effect I’d hoped for. They don’t take him seriously, they never have.”

Listening to Spender talk about Fox made her uncomfortable, so she changed the subject. “I didn’t realize you wanted the kid dead,” she said honestly. She felt foolish for not putting the pieces together that perhaps the Syndicate had wanted Gibson dead from the start.

Maybe she did know. Maybe she just hadn’t wanted to believe it.

Spender shook his head. “I’m not in the business of killing children,” he countered.

She tried to ascertain if he was telling her the truth by looking into his eyes as she usually did but this man’s eyes were so difficult. Her talents were wasted on him.

“There are members of the group who would rather destroy him to eliminate the risk of exposure. But we’re different, Agent Fowley, you and I. There’s so much we can learn from the boy.”

She agreed with this. Gibson fascinated her: his abilities, his implications. Oddly she thought of Agent Scully’s comment on the matter, and how she’d been absolutely correct. Besides the obvious moral conflict, it would be a waste to kill him.

“So where this leaves us, Agent Fowley, is that the X-Files are closed. And it’s bought us some time.”

“Time for what?”

“To continue our work, without Agents Mulder or Scully getting in the way.”

“Have they been… reassigned?” she asked hopefully, but as casually as she could muster.

“Yes, but keeping them apart has been difficult. They’re… quite attached to one another, it seems.”

She’d suspected as much, but hearing it from Spender was like a punch in the gut. Hearing how “attached” he was to another woman only made her want him back more. This desire was highly inconvenient, given her circumstances. She had no choice but to continue to lie to Fox, especially now that Spender had saved her life. She’d always followed orders, but now she was particularly indebted to him.

She sighed, lying back into her pillow. She ached everywhere. She wished she’d never been asked to work this case. Inserting Fox back into her life was only confusing matters. Europe was sounding better and better by the minute.

“Are you sending me away, then?” she asked quietly.

He shook his head. “No. You’re needed here. But while you recover, I have some reading material I think you’ll find quite illuminating.” He pulled a book from within his long trench coat, looked down at the cover and touched it admiringly. He handed it out to her, and she looked at the title, confused.

Native American Beliefs and Practices.

“Sir? What is this?”

“I want to remind you that what you’re a part of is bigger than anything you could possibly imagine. In these pages you’ll learn why.” He grinned. “It’s a story about the original shadow government.”

She flipped a few pages. What on earth was he talking about?

“You’re a believer, aren’t you, Agent Fowley?” he asked, sensing her confusion. Believer in what, he didn’t specify. “Read this, and you’ll know exactly why the boy is so important to our cause.”

She was completely confused, but she trusted him. Perhaps there was something she’d been missing, something important. And if there was something contained in these pages that could help make a difference, she wanted to know about it.

“I’ll be in touch.” He blew out a plume of smoke and put his cigarette out on the table next to her bed.

He stood up to leave, but she stopped him. “Sir?”

He turned around slowly, removing another cigarette from his pack that he certainly planned to light as soon as he left the room. She set the book down on her lap and asked the question that had been on her mind for a while.

“If Agents Mulder and Scully are such a problem, why have you kept them alive all these years?” It wasn’t that she wanted them dead: of course she didn’t. But she was well aware the Company would murder for far less. There must be something about Agent Mulder, or tangentially Agent Scully, that he wasn’t telling her.

He smiled. “It’s all a game of chess, Diana. You have to know when to sacrifice every piece. And Fox Mulder is a king. To truly capture him is a long, tedious process.”

She wasn’t stupid, she knew Fox was a threat to the work if they couldn’t get him on their side. But Spender’s words sent a chill up her spine. It was the way he always spoke, choosing words carefully, grinning as mysteriously as a Cheshire Cat. The edge in his voice made her nervous.

She wondered about this man often, about his life. About his childhood. Where had he come from? Why was he the way he was? And why was he so obsessed with Fox?

Most importantly, would she ever be able to get out from under him?

She closed her eyes in resignation, knowing any option she might have once had to remove herself from this situation was no longer tenable. He’d saved her life. She owed that life to him now.

The only way out is through.

He placed the cigarette between his lips. “Get some rest, Agent Fowley,” he said around it. Then he was gone.

***

It had been several days since the X Files office had gone up in flames. A wave of hopelessness had washed over Mulder in a way he hadn’t experienced before. He was feeling directionless, rudderless. Perhaps that was why he found himself on his way to see Diana in the hospital.

“Arlington, please,” he told the cab driver.

The driver nodded, adjusting the rear view mirror. Despite the fact that Diana was most certainly in no state for a visit, Mulder was determined to check up on her himself. He was honestly unsure if she would even survive; all the reports he’d heard so far had been extremely dire.

When he arrived at the hospital and peered around the doorframe to her room she was sitting up, which he hadn’t expected. In fact, he hadn’t expected to talk to her at all.

“Hey,” he said gently, entering her room.

“Hi,” she said. There was a look on her face that he couldn’t decipher.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake,” he told her. “The doctors feared the worst.”

Diana looked away, uncomfortably. “Yeah, well, I suppose my number wasn’t quite up.” He had the distinct impression she looked disappointed, but surely that couldn’t be the case.

He sat down in a chair by her bedside. “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good, actually. Thanks for coming.”

He smiled. “Of course.”

“It’s… strange being back here,” she admitted.

“How was Europe?” He found himself making small talk with her, which felt odd. Other than a couple of conversations about Gibson Praise, the last time they’d spoken she was ripping his heart to shreds.

“I liked it there,” she said. “But out here is where I was needed.”

He wondered what she’d meant earlier when she’d said there were things at home she’d been wanting to get back to. From the look in her eyes he’d thought he was probably one of the ‘things’ she’d been referring to at the time. But perhaps he’d been mistaken.

“You’ve always been so dedicated to your work, Diana,” he pointed out. “It doesn’t surprise me in the least you’d follow it wherever it led you.”

“Even if it led me back to you?” she asked.

His throat constricted, and his eyes searched hers for her meaning. He wasn’t sure exactly what her intentions were with him but having her back in his world made him nervous.

He decided to make light. Chuckling, he answered. “Sorry about that.”

She smiled warmly but looked down, as if she were suddenly uncomfortable. No matter; he didn’t need another distraction right now. It was difficult enough trying to figure out her place in his life at all, let alone having to worry about navigating a romantic interest. He wasn’t sure how he felt at the moment.

“Have you… heard?” he changed the subject carefully. “About the X-Files?”

Diana looked blank. “No. What happened?”

It hurt to even think about it, let alone say it out loud. “Someone torched the office. Burned everything to the ground. They’ve shut us down.”

“Fox,” she said gently. She reached out and took his hand, not letting go. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve been assigned to domestic terrorism.” He shook his head. Bullshit.

“It’s not so bad,” she smiled. “I know it’s not exactly your forté, but you can still do a lot of good.” She looked away distractedly. “A lot of good.”

“I know that, but it’s frustrating,” he explained. “You have no idea how many times this kind of thing has happened to us. We get so close to something big… then, nothing.”

Her face changed just then, and he wondered if it was because he’d switched from I to we. Having his ex around was awkward enough without worrying about what she thought of Scully and their partnership.

“I suppose you can take some comfort in that, though,” she pointed out. “You must be getting close to something if someone is trying so hard to stop you.”

He looked up at her, serious. “I won’t stop, Diana.”

She smiled. “Yeah, I know.”

He chose his next words carefully because he didn’t want her to think he was only checking in on her for information. “Do you… remember what happened? To you and Gibson?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t see anyone. I’m sorry, Fox, I wish I could tell you. The shot came through the window. I woke up here.”

He nodded, and they sat quietly for a minute. Then he released her hand and stood up. “I’m glad you’re okay, I truly am. Do you know how long they’re keeping you here?”

“No idea. I’m at their mercy, unfortunately.” Her eyes flickered with meaning. He wondered what that meaning was.

His phone rang just then, and he looked down. Scully. “Hello?”

"Mulder, it’s me.” He held up a finger, hold on, and took a couple of steps away.

“Hey, Scully. What is it?”

"We’re being called to Dallas. There’s been some kind of a bomb threat.”

“This is a Bureau matter? Why us?”

“I don’t know, Mulder, but they want us out there. Flight’s at four thirty.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you at the airport.” He hung up. “I’ve got to go to Dallas. But can I visit again? Sometime? Would that be okay?”

“Of course, Fox,” she said. “Anytime.”

FBI HEADQUARTERS

WASHINGTON D.C.

JULY 1998

Diana’s recovery had been nothing short of miraculous, and that didn’t shock her, considering the method by which it had occurred. But she was fortunate. There were many at the Company, at Roush in particular, who hadn’t seen all of the things she’d seen. She was valued, and she knew she’d been spared because of that value.

Lying alone in a hospital bed day after day wasn’t the ideal scenario for her restless mind, however. She hadn’t wanted it to happen, but the fox had once again found its way inside, burrowing deep down towards her heart.

She wasn’t sure why, exactly; he was still the same Fox, chasing the truth from below the ground floor. And he was content that way. All the reasons she’d left him all those years ago still remained the same.

But she had changed significantly. She knew things now, amazing things, and although she could not share them with him his quest felt far more justified now than it had long ago. And she found herself having the same feelings she’d had for him then, only now she felt she understood him a bit better. It made her believe it was possible for them to try again, start over. Maybe fix what had been broken.

If only she could make him see the truth: if somehow he could come to that knowledge on his own, it would be a huge step in bringing him into her fold. Spender had told her Fox was playing an important role in his grand plan and the fact that the older man had kept the problematic agent alive all these years must mean killing him wasn’t necessarily part of that plan.

Perhaps she could be the one to bring him over. Then everything she wanted could finally come to fruition. She could tell him the truth. There would be no more secrets.

Maybe then they could be together.

It was her first week back at the Hoover Building and Diana stepped into an empty elevator. She was still settling in, and although she was working mostly for the Company, it was important she show her face at the Bureau as much as possible: be seen by her fellow agents. Keep up appearances.

But there was one agent she was not looking forward to seeing.

Diana had been so lost in thought she’d forgotten to press the elevator button. She watched the doors slide open to reveal Agent Scully standing in the hallway, apparently also deep in thought, who glanced up and registered her presence with surprise. Every time her face appeared it reminded Diana she had competition, and although she wasn’t exactly sure what was going on between Fox and his partner, she’d seen something that was utterly undeniable. A spark, a camaraderie. She’d be a fool to assume this other woman wasn’t a threat.

It was beneficial, however, being in Diana’s position. She knew the two of them had been in Dallas, what had gone on there, and that they were being split up, reassigned. She’d be lying if she didn’t admit it thrilled her.

Agent Scully pursed her lips together, appearing to debate entering the elevator at all. But she stepped in, pressing the ground floor button. “Agent Fowley,” she said. “Nice to see you’re back at work.”

Her voice was polite, but Diana wasn’t stupid. She could sense the diminutive redhead’s hostility every single time, like she was a dog with its teeth bared, ears back.

“Thank you, it’s good to be back.”

The elevator began its descent and Diana watched the smaller woman surreptitiously smooth her hair back and straighten her suit. Upon second look, she did look a bit disheveled and Diana wondered if Agent Scully had come directly to the Hoover Building from the airport.

“How’s Agent Mulder?” Diana wasn’t sure why she’d asked. Honestly, the only thing she and Agent Scully had in common was him, and this saddened her. Being a woman at the Bureau was difficult enough. It was unfortunate they’d become enemies by default.

“He’s fine,” Agent Scully said curtly.

“I heard through the grapevine you two are getting reassigned. I’m sorry to hear that,” she lied.

Agent Scully said nothing, and Diana wasn’t sure if she was being evasive, or if she just had nothing to say.  

She decided to do a little fishing. Besides, how often was one presented the opportunity to get under the skin of a competitor for a man’s affections?

“It’s probably for the best,” Diana pressed. “From what he indicated, you two haven’t been seeing much progress.”

It was deliberate. She wanted to get a reaction out of Agent Scully. But it didn’t work. The other woman stared straight ahead at the metal doors, seemingly not acknowledging Diana. The elevator was taking a particularly long time today.

“But it must be hard, disagreeing all the time,” Diana continued, undeterred. “You both must feel such a relief to be free of that. To not feel… so held back.”

She knew she was being bitchy, but she was also dead serious. She and Fox couldn’t even have a successful partnership, and their minds were so similar. How on earth had these two lasted six years?

“We make it work,” Agent Scully said shortly.

Diana couldn’t help but notice she’d referred to their partnership in the present tense. She still thought of Fox as her partner, regardless of the fact they’d been split up. Diana found it extremely annoying.

An ugly jealousy rose up inside her, over their obvious bond, their closeness, but also triggered by the sheer audacity of her words.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ve got it all figured out,” Diana scoffed. She couldn’t help it. Life with Fox had been impossible, despite her own desire to ‘make it work.’ “His passion, his drive. His mission. It’s all wonderful until you realize it’s not aligned with your own.”

The elevator light signaled they were about to reach the ground floor. Suddenly she was aware that an opportunity had presented itself. She might never get the truth from Fox but perhaps Agent Scully could be of assistance.

She only had one more second to deliver the fatal blow, and she was feeling particularly merciless today.

“Just be grateful it never went further than a work partnership,” she said, boring her eyes into the side of Agent Scully’s face. “He’s tough to shake.”

The shift was almost imperceptible but Diana Fowley was more perceptive than most. Agent Scully turned pale, even paler than she already was, and her body leaned ever so slightly towards the door.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, and Agent Scully stepped out more quickly than Diana thought her short legs were capable of.

“Goodbye, Agent Fowley,” she said without turning around.

Diana meant to get out at the ground floor, but instead let the doors close. Her lips curved into a smile. That tiny sliver of suspicion she’d had about the presence of something romantic between these two had completely disappeared.

Fox Mulder was indeed available. And Diana planned to make herself available, too.

2630 HEGAL PLACE

HALLWAY OUTSIDE APT 42

ALEXANDRIA, VA

Diana Fowley hadn’t even been on Scully’s mind. In fact, the events of Dallas and being wrapped up in yet another exciting mystery with Mulder had cast thoughts of the other woman out completely.

But their confrontation in the elevator had planted doubts in her mind about Mulder and how he felt about her value to their partnership. Had he and Fowley discussed Scully behind her back? She felt sick about it.

Diana’s words rattled around her brain. You both must feel such a relief to be free of that. To not feel… so held back.

Scully had allowed the words of this person she barely knew to put her so off guard, to doubt what she really had with Mulder. Words that had made her feel ineffective, unimportant. Devalued.

“You don’t need me,” she’d said to Mulder before she left his apartment approximately ten seconds ago. “I’ve only held you back.”

Maybe what Diana Fowley had said was actually true. Maybe he didn’t need her, after all.

Scully hated admitting that this woman had any kind of power over her whatsoever. But she did. Scully had never thought of herself as an insecure person. In relationships she’d been in before, she’d always felt as secure as she needed to be. And with Mulder, for five years they’d had only each other. Their unit had been unassailable, impenetrable. It was the way she liked it. And now she felt as if it were dissolving, slipping from her grasp.

She didn’t know what to do, how to react. She felt like she was losing Mulder, and the Bureau wanted to split them up anyway. Why did everything feel so hopeless right now?

She wanted to cling to him, to grab hold of him tightly and hang on for dear life.

But she also wanted to run.

She didn’t want to have to face any of this: that she wasn’t the partner he wanted or needed, and they both knew it. It was year after year of a never ending stalemate: not only in their work but in their inability to express anything real to each other. And as she walked away from him she had the terrible thought that she might never look him in the eyes again.

The thought was only fleeting, however, because she heard his footsteps approaching her. He wasn’t going to let her leave.

Why wouldn’t he just let her go? Why was he making this all so difficult?

She whipped around and he began to close the gap between them, between the door to his apartment and the elevator that would take her far, far away from him. Perhaps forever.

Mulder looked hurt by her declaration. She could tell he hadn’t wanted to hear it, to hear her put it out there: what had to be the truth. That he would go further without her. That maybe he needed someone who thought more like he did. Maybe he needed someone like Diana Fowley.

She hated feeling this way, so out of control. Mulder had always been the one constant in her life; his unpredictability and spontaneity as reliable as anything. And she expected him to lash out, to be angry at her for bailing on him; for leaving him in the lurch this way.

But then he spoke.

You saved me. You kept me honest. You made me a whole person.

He said things to her he’d never said before, the words coming at her almost too fast to process.

I owe you everything, Scully, and you owe me nothing.

She might never know if he meant what he said, if it was the truth or just something he knew would make her stay. But one thing was perfectly clear: he didn’t want her to leave.

I don’t know if I want to do this alone. I don’t even know if I can. And if I quit now, they win.

He was telling her exactly what she’d needed to hear from him all these years, something she’d always felt from him but that he’d never actually articulated. And he’d done it right on time. For once in their lives, just once, the stars were aligning.

She fell into his chest, helpless, as he wrapped his strong arms around her, anchoring her to him. And she held his neck with her hands and kissed him chastely on his forehead, a kiss that felt safe yet still so, so intimate.

But then he pulled back and looked at her, perhaps more intensely than ever before. He leaned in, slowly, and her mind reeled as she looked into his eyes; eyes once full of doubt and fear and uncertainty but which now told her that what he wanted was exactly the same thing she did.

This is happening, this is finally really happening, she thought, imagining the softness of his lips against hers, the heat of his mouth opening to her own. Her feet were planted on the floor, and she wanted to close the distance: devour him like her last meal, slam him against the wall of the hallway and give his neighbors the show of a lifetime. But she was paralyzed.

In the few seconds it took them to reach each other time slowed down, Zeno’s Paradox in action. The closer they got, the more space there was to travel, as if they’d never get there. As if five years wasn’t enough. It would never be enough for the two of them.

She could almost feel it, for a split second: the relief of sweet contact between their lips, when a jolt of pain suddenly surged through her body from the base of her neck. Her neck. The epicenter of everything that had ever gone horribly wrong: her abduction, her cancer, and now even her fucking love life.

This isn’t fair, she thought, and feared it may truly be the last time she looked into Mulder’s eyes as the blackness swallowed her. But when she awoke again, it was those very same eyes drowning in relief that she could see through frozen glass.