#and i still need to do a bunch of things hnhn

[silverserpent]

OK time to overshare

My mental health has taken a little dip last week thanks to unfortunate circumstances. Therefore

Self esteem low.

I fight off thoughts and feelings of worthlessness

standard depression

sucks but will get over it

EXCEPT

job interview enters the stage. It's the thing that grabs you out of depression. it makes you anxious, because you are judged, you need to perform, you need to be your best, your livelihood is on the line

you managed to fight off the anxiety before.

Not now.

FULL FORCE

imposter syndrome. tight stomack and frantic frantic thoughts. Fear through the roof.

throwing up after the interview level of anxiety

you didn't do that for weeks.

if not months.

...

still not over it?

Not still.

Again.

Low self esteem -> no trust in your skills -> add high stakes and wanting to please authority -> fear of failing

because failing looks probable

anxiety

anxiety makes you perform worse.

you are frantic. your hand shakes. you forget everything you thought you knew.

...you performed bad. (?)

You are worthless - says the low self esteem

let's not listen to that.

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Bunch Family (1)

It's 7:36 a.m., Monday. Jack Bunch is preparing breakfast for the family. At least with the ingredients that are available. But this family is doing almost as well as the Keatons compared to others. Because their house was completely spared from the great catastrophe. But yet the whole thing had its effects.

At the time, Jack had just returned from a mission in which he himself had been seriously injured. He planned to go on vacation with his family, but then the meteorites came. "eww, that salad tastes totally disgusting"/ "it's been outside all night, you should have noticed that beforehand"/ "but I didn't!"

The injuries from the accident he suffered during his last military deployment are still clearly visible and will probably remain for the rest of his life. But the family is glad that Jack is still alive. He has not been on duty since the incident and the disaster. He would love to return to his post.

"Mom, when will I finally get my own room? Arlo snores really loudly"/ "huh? I don't" / "oh yes, but when you're asleep, you can't hear it…" / "pff, I don't do that, I'm still a child and not an old man like dad". Jack called out: "hey, I must have heard wrong?"

"Good morning!"/ "Good morning, Ethan…"/ "Didn't Lisa come home last night?"/ "No, she's coming today…"/ "Did she get to sleep over at VJ's again? Hey, when can I let Holly spend the night here?"/ "hh, you know I'm not on good terms with her parents," Judy replied. Ethan reacted somewhat irritably. "but Holly's not like her parents, you know that!".

Of course, Judy also knows that, unlike her parents, Holly is a very helpful and nice person. "hh, well, fine, you can bring her. "/ "Thanks, mom"/ "I want to stop by the hospital today and see if there's anything I can do for the people there"

"Don't forget our other plans. What Boyd suggested to us yesterday could be a good idea". Boyd Wainwright had visited them the night before and told them about the suggestion Zelda had made. That all the inhabitants should gather in front of the Alto mansion and make their displeasure known. "Do you really think it will help if we all stand in front of their house and demonstrate? You don't believe that yourself, Jack. We may outnumber them, but they still have the upper hand. I have to go now".

When Judy arrived at the small hospital, Jamie was already there. "Hello, how are you, it looks like there's not much going on today? What's with this bone egon?". Jamie had to smile. "hnhn, today everyone who wants to can learn a bit about anatomy and the musculoskeletal system. "/ "I want to learn something too!"/ "Oh, Malcolm, hello".

"Good morning, Morgana, nice to see you"/ "Hello, Judy. Oh, good, she found him after all"/ "Where was he?"/ "In the cellar under the collapsed hospital. We were able to find an entrance and get a few things out that were stored there. Now if we jast had a powerful electricity generator…".

"What do you need it for?"/ "For the X-ray machine. It's one of the newer models where you can stand in it - if you can stand…. We'd have to add a small room that's dark…"/ "But you need a generator… I'll talk to Jack, maybe he'll have an idea"/ "Really? That would be so nice, thank you!"

.While Judy helps a little at the hospital, her son has been to the Altos in the meantime and brought his girlfriend in his home. "You're always the savior in times of need. I can hardly stand it at home"/ "hnhn, always happy to help. What's going on with your family?".

"well..they always think I don't notice… and actually I should have thought about it much earlier… I mean, we always have some food at home, actually more than enough that we could give away… It doesn't come from a supermarket. And it's not cheap either, the quality is very good… I don't know where my father always gets it from".

"Your father?"/ "I don't know what he does in the background, but it's certainly nothing good. And he's always totally stressed, like he's under pressure somehow…"/ "Who or what would put him under pressure?"/ "I don't know… I've spoken to my parents so often that they should help you and the others…".

"We got off the best here. Our house is completely unscathed, except that all the green stuff is growing on the roof now…. Dad's trophies didn't even fly off the wall in the crash. "/ "hnhn, must be karma. You're a good family"/ "hn…yeah, but we can't support everyone on our own".

"I know, that's why it's so unfair, I just don't understand why you're all being left in the lurch like this… At some point your supplies will run out too"/ "don't worry about it… I found some seeds the other day, I think something good will come of it. And we need meat again… I think VJ made himself some arrows and a bow"/ "a bow?".

"Yes, he wants to go hunting…"/ "You mean… He wants to kill animals?"/ "Well, how else are we going to get meat, eh? He definitely wants to share it with everyone. I know you don't like meat"/ "No, I love animals too much for that. You're welcome to it. Do you think he can handle it?"/ "definitely".

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end of part 1

@greenplumbboblover😊

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Bunch Family (2)

At the hospital, Judy has an interesting conversation with Yumi. "I was at the town hall two days ago and handed in my Testament. "/"oh, I thought you would have done that a long time ago"/"no, when my son was still alive, I hadn't given it much thought. But now… It's important to me that Sam is well when I'm gone. I don't want him to end up in an orphanage or with the wrong people.“.

"and who did you have in mind instead? would you like to hand over guardianship to someone?"/ "yes,… things are going very well for the little one at the moment, Morgana and her husband are taking very good care of him…". Judy raised her eyebrows with a smile. "The two of them?"/ "mhm. And I really hope he'll be fine. Besides, I don't think it will be long before they have a family of their own." Judy had to smile a little. "my goodness, the things you notice, hnhn…".

"Well, it's unavoidable to hear something in this house that you shouldn't necessarily hear. But I very much hope that they will accept my wish"/ "I hope so… And if not, I'm sure we'll find another solution, you won't be alone, Sam"/ "I'd at least like to see my son's gravestone given a good place in the cemetery"/ "You will, I promise".

Later, while the children are busy with themselves and the wife is on her way home, Jack takes care of the garden. It's a miracle that the blast didn't tear the apple trees out of the ground. The ones he had planted before his children were born. "I might have to get rid of the weeds".

It's just after 8 p.m. when Judy arrives back home. And Jack is always happy when she's back. Since his accident, he has been concentrating more on his family and getting to know and appreciate his wife again. "it's good to have you home again".

"I always come home, Jack"/ "I know. But since this thing, I've just become a bit more sensitive. It's almost embarrassing… I'm actually in the military and I'm used to other things. I've seen comrades die… And friends here…"/ "And I'm still here. I need your help, Jack, or rather Morgana and Jamie".

They sat down together on the sofa. "What's wrong with them?"/ "There's nothing wrong with them, but they would like to expand their equipment for the infirmary. They found an intact X-ray machine in the cellar under the old hospital. But it doesn't work without electricity…"/ "mhm, that's logical, yes"…

"They would need a generator to get the thing running. and they would only ever switch it on when they really need it. After that, it's turned off again, to save gas, of course"/ "finding a generator isn't the hardest thing, but gas?"/ "maybe at the old gas station? It can't all have been burnt there"/ "no".

"It's been a while, there was a rumor that they had found an underground pipe through which the petrol was pumped out of the filling station and diverted"/ "and where to?"/ "The old warehouse,…they've probably already sold it all on the black market"/ "do you think? Maybe there are still some leftovers there…"/ "Nobody drives here by car anymore anyway".

"That doesn't have to mean anything, Jack. There's bound to be something else. Can't you check?"/ "hmm…"/ "Or ask Xander. He may have chosen the wrong side, but he's got his heart in the right place… He works there"/ "Well, you can't call it work either… OK, is there still time until tomorrow?"/ "Sure. I'll make us dinner now".

While Judy is preparing dinner, her son can come to her. "Couldn't Holly stay?"/ "No, she wanted to be a decent daughter and sleep between mommy and daddy again."/ "She's not really doing that?"/ "No, of course not,… What are you making?"/ "Cheese noodles"/ "with that disgusting milk powder? Oh man… Do you know what would be important here? A few cows"/ "and where should we get them?"/ "yeah… good question…".

The day draws to a close and night falls. Lisa managed to be home in time for dinner. She was supposed to be home earlier, but… As is the case with teenagers, they always find it hard to get away from each other.

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End of Part 2

@greenplumbboblover 💓

Poses by @poses-by-bee 🥰