#and i stood before her like a haunted house for sale. flaws airbrushed and silenced. trash and treasures equally disposed of. unsettling.

[maladaptive-daydreaming-aphant]

when did i become so hollow

the daydreams took root in my soul

safety guaranteed

indulgence abundant

reality forsaken

i work in customer service

our best barista

all smiles

no heart

i study at an online university

an exemplary overachiever

asynchronous

alone

i used to be unmistakeably human

vibrantly playful

imperfectly troublesome

daringly liberated

now there is only a glittering shell

so pretty

so faceted

so polished

so empty

i try to make conversation

but the only sounds i can make

are nervous laughter

and irrelevant anecdotes

and awkward acknowledgements

and then i regret every word

because i've filled the empty air

with even more nothingness

again and again and again

grief without tragedy

fear without danger

words without meaning

unable to confront discomfort

struggling to maintain tangibility

failing to express myself

because my mind no longer thinks about feelings

and my heart doesn't think at all

and my soul has withered to dust

overwhelmed by light and noise

agitated and restless

i shut everything out

and try to find myself in the silence

but i've already spent too long

wasting away

alone in my room

where dreams go to die

and vacant distractions reign supreme