#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over

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[islandofimagines-blog]

Damn I whish you were here

Everyone remember thst night clearly , the night were you got shot by latrelle and didnt make it , when Cesar told you he loved you for the first time , now Cesar could only think about how he never got to give you the last kiss and make things official beetween you two , it was killing him inside that he was never going to see you smile again or laugh like he loved so much , how everytime he passed by your house he would saw your parents crying in your room in your bed when the window was open , he missed you more that he ever thought he would and he couldnt handle that pain it was too much for him to bare and the crew knew it like damn even Oscar knew it but Cesar didnt let nobody come close to him or seeing him crying.

Cesar was walking alone to school a routine that seemed normal to him now with his eadphones in his ears and head bow down feeling numb to the pain he was feeling that day , in the end of the street he saw his friends and immediatly the crew ran to him being goofys to make him smile but Ruby looked at him and told all of them to stop and just gave a hug to Cesar tight has he could and walked by his side quiet respecting the state of spirit of his best friend.

¨you know man , you could take some time off from school and have some time for yourself and visit y/n in her grave or talk with her parents, it would be good bor you to have some disclosure about those feelings , I know you loved her and trust me she loved you too but she wont come back and she would like for all of us to stay here and make the best of our lifes and try to be happy, she wouldnt like to see you like that Cesar ,I dont like to see you like that , neither of us does.” Ruby spoke softly and with a lot of pain his voice trying to contain the tears that started to form in his eyes , he looked at his friend in a glance and saw Cesar face , he was not the same anymore and Ruby knew that his friend blamed himself for the death of the girl he loved since he didnt kill Latrelle like his brother order him to do and on top of that he was kicked out of the Santos , so Cesar didnt have much to look forward to.

“ stop ok man!” Cesar stopped on his tracks and looked at all of his friends with now an angry look on his face. “ stop making me feel like I am the victim when you know i fucked everything up! If i was man enough to kill Latrelle y/n would still be alive , i could walk with her today hand in hand and smiling with her , we could do all that we planned , we could be a whole crew again , so stop making me feel like I didnt have any fault in this because I do! I was the one who sentenced her to her death and everybody knows ,  she was my girl so what the hell was I expecting ?! you guys have no idea what it is to go to sleep and the only thing i have from her is voice mails , pictures , memories , I cant even look at her parents because I know that they hate me for what I am or was , you guys have no idea of what it is to feel empty again , damn Ruby you got shot and look at you , you are not the same anymore so I even messed up my best friend head with my issues . I just ... damn i wish you were y/n.. I miss her so much man, she was my soulmate i knew it , she could handle my life both side of it , she always had something positive to say about whatever it was , even Oscar took a like on her and now I am in the street living because not even my brother wants me to live in his house anymore , Ruby I want her back so bad man , I cant live like this , i cant it hurts to much..” 

Cesar broke down in tears infront of his friends for the first time and all of them came to give a big hug letting him cry all his pain and anger knowing for how long he was holding on those emotions inside. Monse back it up a little and wiped her tears fast before going to her backpack and take the letter that y/n wrote for Cesar confession her love for him and with that she made a video to suprise Cesar on his birthday . 

“hey i think its time for you to see this, she made this video so everytime you wanted her close to you no matter where you two were she was always going to be by your side and this letter is for you to see for yourself what she feels, it doesnt matter if she is not here physically , she is here in our hearts and arounds us , she was part of us and always will be and has long we have these little things to hold on to her she will never leave us or be gone forever.¨ 

Monse gave Cesar a small smile and played the video on her phone showing all of them laughing and playing around , Cesar couldnt hold the little smile forming on his lips even though his heart was tight and tears were streaming slowly down his face. Y/n was now on the room with Monse and she didnt knew that she was being recorded when she was talking about Cesar and he smirked at her blushing when mentioning him.

“oh god Monse he is so sweet and so cute, I mean that boy is more than cute but i dont want to ruin our friendship with confessing my feelings , I fell in love with him for his smile , for his eyes the way they sparkle when he is laughing , oh god that laugh makes me feel like a little girl on christmas time , Oscar knows I love him and he laughed even though he said we would make a cute couple but what can i do? i dont want things to go awkward beetween the group. Everytime that I am with him time stops and i dont want ever to leave, if I could i would sleep in his arms for the rest of my life because to be honest i have never felt so safe with someone like i feel with him, even though he has the life he has in the gang I dont care, everyone has a past and has some kind of legacy to make or continue and I believe he just wants to fit in with his brother , I love him so much Monse and if you knew how my heart beats when I see him you would think this is from a movie or something , I am sorry im just rambling and being annoying , sorry Monse”

Cesar broke down once again and hold the letter to his lips kissing it tears never stop flowing and everyone was crying at the same time , they all loved her for her kindness, she was the neutral one of the group , always ready to help everyone without wanting nothing in return but seeing the others happy and that is what Cesar loved the most about her , he looked at Monse and nodded to her in a way to say thank you and she looked at him the same way crying , Jamal sniffed and looked behind to see Oscar in his yard looking at his little brother with this heart broken , Oscar started to walk over and Jamal gave a small scream hidhing behind Ruby like he was his savior . 

“ We need to talk lil’ spooky” Oscar tried to keep his posture and cesar looked at him with his eyes red and puffy from crying and Oscar couldnt see his brother like that , he broke his posture and gave a hug to his brother making him know he was there to support him.

“ Im so sorry for what happened to you but I can promise you something , we are going to fix this and give you and y/n the peace you guys deserve. She was a nice girl actually i liked her , she had this aura about her that made her easy to talk to , so if you still want we are going to end with the prophets for good and honor her memory hermanito. Por ti y por tu amor que tienes a ella , sabis bien lo que tienes que hacer por iso para de llorar , Im here for you , you didnt lost everything.¨ 

Oscar whispered in his brother ear and like that Cesar still had some hope for him, he didnt lose everyone he loved and damn right he was going to finish with the prophets , he was going to make them pay for what they did to his princess and no matter what from now on Cesar was going to make whatever it takes to rebuilt her honor and memory so it can prevale forever like he wanted.

(if you want to get tagged on the next imagines and future fanfic let me know ,hope you enjoy this first imagine , love you )