#and in all these things about addiction and cheerleading and high school and privilege and all of it

[highkey-lowkey-as-hell]

sometimes it just hits me that like. chess qualified for the olympics. chess was supposed to go to the olympics. chess may not have competed but she was this close to being an OLYMPIAN.

[vandergeld]

                  hey  everyone welcome BACK to my blog  ,  hi  , how  are  ya ?   i’m   RUZZY   (  or  ru  ,  rudy  idk  if thats too  much  lmAO  )  &  i  have  not  been  apart  of  a  group  in  84  years ............  that  graphic  is  so  extra  but  i  was  bored  &  first  impressions  are  everything  ,  ANYWHO  this  is  my  mans WARNER  played  by  my  mans  GRAYSON DOLAN  ,  who  lacks  f’n  resources  so  i  gotta  work  some  magic  w/  all  these  gifs  on  tumblr  lmao  so  any  gif  icons  are  noT  mine  for  the  most  part  they’ll  be  taken  from  gifs  alr  created  (  s/o  2  the  fly  hunnies  that  made  ‘em  )  anyway  ya’ll  don’t  really  care  abt  me  lmao  soooooo here’s warner ! PLS  feel  free  to  hmu ANYTIME  for  the  plots  &  things  of  that  nature  u  could  lit  never  bother  me  idc ,  my  discord  is  𝐫𝐮𝐳𝐳𝐲𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐳𝐢#1643 if  u  everrr need  to  get  ahold  of  me  when  im  not  on  tumblr  !

         𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍, cismale, he/his. → look out, there’s 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐃. you know, the 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘  year old 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 of 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐀 𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐀𝐃𝐀 𝐌𝐔. you know, i overheard someone say that they were 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄, 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 , 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆  and 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃. but that’s just rumours. fresh new pairs of air jordan 1's, the roar of a crowd in a stadium, and lost weekends come to mind when i think of them. what about you? [ ruzzy, he/him, 18, est ]

TW : CANCER MENTION  ,  SMOKING  MENTION  .

//   »    GENERAL      :

FULL NAME   :   warner     evangelino   alexander       vandergeld       (   inspired by the antagonists of white chicks lmaooo   )     .

HOMETOWN  : new  york  city  ,  new york  .

NICKNAMES   :   dumbass   .

AGE   :   twenty  .

BIRTHDAY   :   october twenty-first   .

ZODIAC   :   libra   .

GENDER   :   male   .

PRONOUNS   :   he      &      him   .

NATIONALITY   :   american   .

ETHNICITY   :   german  ,   italian  ,  irish   .

LABEL(S)   :   the   golden boy   ,   the   lothario   ,   the   jock   .

TROPE(S)  :  chick magnet  ,  hormone-addled teenager  ,  unwitting pawn  , upper class twit  ,

OCCUPATION   :  college student  &  collegiate football player  & full time frat bro  .

FRAT : beta lambada mu  .

MAJOR   :   environmental science  .

POS  : charming  ,  charismatic  ,  brave  ,  athetic ,  dedicated  ,   eco-friendly  ,  high-moral compass  ,  book smart  ,  kind  ,  energetic  ,  optimistic  , loyal (  most of the time  ) ,  respectful  ,   well-rounded  ,  level-headed  , ambitious  ,  debonair  ,  life of the paty  .

NEG   :  compulsive  ,  easily-influenced  ,  dimwitted  , hypersexualized  ,  problematic  ,  addictive  , rebellious  ,  bemused  ,  defensive  ,  clingy  ,  hopeless-romatic  ,  overly-competitive  ,  envious .

INSP  : nate archibald  (  gossip girl  )  

//   »    PAST      :

          warner   was  born  &  raised  in  the  city  that  never sleeps  and    is  the  product  of  evangeline   moretti-vandergeld  , an   intelligent   american-italian  socialite  turned   environmental   politician  ,   and  captain  william   vandergeld  ,  a  former   navy   captain  ,   and  now   a   shareholder   in   some   boring   fortune   500   company   that   allowed   his   wife   and   son   to   live   an   affluent  ,   and   privileged   life  . his   mother  however  ,   was   the   real deal  ,   often   using   their   sum   of   wealth   to   donate   to   multiple   charities  ,  organizations  , etc, she was  dedicated  to  keeping  new  york  city  (  and  all  who  lived there  )  clean  and  safe   , and  she instilled  those  same  values  onto  her  son.

          some people are born lucky  ,  and others  ,  lucky  to  be  born  .   warner  was  the  first  option  .  his childhood  was  nothing  short  of  happiness  ,  and  happiest  days  were  with  his  mother  ,  for  as  long  as he  could  remember  ,  any happy  moment  in  his childhood  was  faded  right  into  her.

          things  took  a  drastic  change  his freshman  year  of  (  private  obvy lmao  )  high-school   .   warner’s  mother  was  diagnosed  with  breast  cancer  ,  and  little  to  his  knowledge  ,  it wasn’t  looking  pretty  from  the  start  .  she was  frequently  in  and  out  of the hospital  for  a  few  months  at  a  time  and  it  was  not  looking  good  on  any  fronts  .  one  day  when  she  went  to  the  hospital  it seemed  like  she  never  left  ,  maybe  she  didn’t  ,  those  days  were  a blur  for  warner  to  be  honest  .  watching  his  mother  lose  life  , every  single  day  was  not  a task  he  was  up  for  .

          by  then  it  was  just  warner  and  his  father  ,  they  were  all  they  had  in  the big  city  . (  when  he  wasn’t  always  away  on business  )  warner  grew  up  in   that  big  luxy  town  house  all  by  himself  ,  with  the  company  of  loyal  maids  ,  chefs  ,   and  nannies  of course  .  but  in  high  school  , the  more  he  really submerged  himself  into  it  ,  it  was  a  crazy  world  &  he  loved  it  .  whilst  getting  demands  from  his  father  in  tokyo  to  attend  those  boring  sailing  classes  ,  warner  instead  headed  out  to  their  beach  house  in  the  hamptons  for  an  early  20  rager  .

       warner  undoubtedly knew  the  power  he  possessed  ,   big  man  on  campus  type  &  it felt  good  , until  about towards  the  end  of his  junior  year  he  was  honestly  all   partied   out  ,  but  of  course reputation  is   everything  ,  in  order  to  keep  up  thats  when  he  picked  up  the   real  ugly  habits  ,  that  were  of  course  fun  .  smoking  numerous  amounts  of  marijuana  ,  various  girls  in  -  and  -  out  every other  day  was  a  feeling  like  no  other  ,   he  knew  it  was  wrong  ,  he  knew  his  mom  would  be  ashamed  ,  him  doing  all these  things  and  not carrying  on  her  legacy  in  some  way .  but  he  couldn’t  help  himself  in a  all  honesty   ,   and   no  doubt  some  of  that  transitioned  over  in  college .

//   »    AES   :

          lost weekends partying  ,  chicken  wings  &  french  fries  ,  air  jordan  1′s  ,  gucci  guilty  cologne  ,  friday  night  lights  ,  clouds  of  smoke  &  red  eyes  ,  diamond  encrusted  jewelry  glistening  under  bright  lights  in  a  dark  room  ,  nike  sweatsuits  ,  game  winning  moves  ,  new  york  city  at  night  ,  hamptons  in  the  summer  ,  spring  break  in  miami  ,  impulsive decisions  .

//   »    TL;DR   :

(  and  some  stuff  i  probably  missed  oops  )  warner  is  a  conflicted  mama’s   boy  who  knows  half  the  shit  he does  is  wrong  but  can’t  stop  .  after  his  mothers passing  he had  an absent father  who seemed  to  always  be  away  on  business  ,  only  in  town  for  a  month  or  two  ,  missing  his sons’ multiple  feats   to  keep  himself  distracted  from  the  fact  that  his  wife  was  no  longer  with  them. created  immense daddy  issues  for  warner  ,  especially  since  he  was  a  standout  football  star  &  2x   stage  champ in  high  school  ,  and is  currently  playing  collegiality  for  the  irish ,  with  dreams  of  making  it  in  the  nfl  cause  screw  his  dad  he  don’t  wanna  go   2  the  navy   ,   or  work  for  dat  company # not  gonna  happen .  warner  took  great  advantage  of  wealth  &  his  fathers  absence  ,  but  he’s  lowkey  partied  out  in  college  ,  or  so  he likes  to  say  but  he fakes  it ‘till  he  makes  it bc  he  doesn’t  his  brothers  to think  he’s  lame . HE’S  LIVING  FOR  EVERYBODY  BUT  HIM  BASICALLY .

//   »    HEADCANONS    :

warner  is  on  a  football  scholarship  majoring  in  environmental  science  bc  although  he  most  likely  won’t  do  shit  w/  da  degree its  for  mommy  .

he can EASILY  be  manipulated  or  taken  advantage  of  ,  he’s  book  smart  but lowkey  dumber  than  a  fucking  box  of  rocks 

immastonerbyyoungthug.mp3  .  occasionally ,  but  ,  more  so  than  that  ?  he  always  manages  to  flush  out  his  system  in  time  if  needed  be  ,  but  he  loves  2  roll  up  #  stress relief 

a  BEAST  on  that  field  (  student  athlete  meme  here  )

has  all  the  canon  gray  tattoos  bc  fuck  what  dad  thinks  .  he  wears  a solid  16 inch gold  chain  ,  and  another  of  the same  length with  his  moms’  name  on  it  , never  fucking  takes  it  off  ,  showers  with  it  cause  he  can  .

ok  ........  he  rich  ,  but  like  not  i  can  do  whatever  i  want  rich  ???  he  may  not  ever  have  to  work  a  day  in  his   life  ,  but  he  don’t  got  the pull  u  think  he  does  w/  his  dumb  ass  u  probably  couldn’t  even  tell  he’s  got  money  with  his  minimalist  fashion  sense  .

he  has  a  higher  moral  compass  than  most  of  his  frat  bros  ,  but  the  stupid  shit  he does  ,  u most  likely  won’t  even  be  able  to tell  ,  he’s  definitely  a  serial  romeo  and  a  heartbreaker  ,  one  compliment  ?  he’s  ready  to  drop  his  pants  &  fall  in  love  w/   u  .

HE DUMB  ,  but  like  he  can  talk  his  way  into  &  out  of  anything  ,  most  of  the  time  ,  batting  those  big  brown  eyes  &  a  million  dollar  smile  has  saved  his  ass  on  multiple  occasions  .

//   »    WANTED CONNECTIONS   :

EX-GIRLFRIEND :  i’m  thinking  his  first  &  only  “  serious  “  relationship  while  in  college  .  were  going  pretty  steady  until  he  cheated  on  her  (  hmm wc  on  who  he  cheated  on  her w/ ??  ) ,  she  never  found  out  but  that  guilt  ate warner TF UP  so  he  cut  things  off  with  her  via  text  message  and blocked  her  number  ,  ignores  her  any  chance  he  gets  ‘till  this  day  ,  cause  he  doesn’t  have  any  balls  and  cannot  face  his  fears  .

FRAT BROS  : lowkey  what  i’m  MOST  excited  for  asdfgh  like  whoever  is  in  beta  lambada mu  hit  me  the  fuck UP so  we  can  discuss  dynamics  ,  roomates  ,  allat  .

FOOTBALL TEAM  : same  for  above  ,  he’s  lowkey  cocky  &  got  sly  comments  when  he’s  on  the  field  ,  he constantly  humbles  himself  but  can’t  helps  it  ,  he is  hot  shit  and  he  knows  it  , how does  his  team  feel  ab  that  ??  w/  his  defensive  ass  !

GOOD-LUCK CHARM  :  prolly  a  girl  (  bonus  points  if  a  cheerleader  ???  im  not  picky  tho  i promise  if  ur  muse  don’t  shake  poms  idc  )  it  happened  out  the  blue  ,  they  screamed  his  name  while  the  team  was  walking  out  for  a  game  ,  and  she  called  that  he’d  get  3  td’s  and  thats  exactly  what  he  did  now  they  joke  ab  it  and  shit  (  maybe  a  goodluck  kiss b4  games  bc  its  warner lolol  ) idk  i  came  up  wit  it  on the  spot but  i love  it.

//   »    MISC   :

i’m a dumbass  &  this  got  way  longer  than  i  expected  but  if  u  made  it   all  the  way  thru  ily . 

[softcherubhips]

I need to vent. I'm aware this will probably cause some controversy. Please know that I am open to any and all interpretation and constructive criticism so please feel free to message me with ANY questions or concerns you have! I mean it when I say that I am here for you, even if you just need a shoulder to cry on or another human to vent to.

Here are some facts that I know to be true. I am white. I am an American citizen. I am a mother. I am a grandmother. I am a person who has lost someone who died from cancer. I am a recovering drug addict. I am a wife. I am bisexual. I am a Christian. I like to think of myself as a realist. I realize that white privilege exists. Do I claim to be knowledgeable of all things controversial? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Do I want to educate myself and try to learn all that I can about said controversies? ABSOLUTLEY YES!

I saw a post earlier that said, "can y'all stop reblogging those “i am not black, but i see you” post like im begging...." I consider myself to be an ally of many people and many causes including Black Lives Matter. As I stated earlier, I am white, which obviously means I'm not black. Does that mean I cannot get behind the Black Lives Matter cause? If this is the case then logically it would make sense for me to say hey you can't support ovarian cancer awareness because your mom didn't die from ovarian cancer. Right?

Listen, I know what it feels like to be in a minority. NOT in the black minority, but a minority nonetheless. I grew up on the Flathead Indian Reservation. There were 6 other white people in my high school and 2 of them were my brothers. I don't say this to gain sympathy or in any way compare it to being in a black minority. I am just saying that I had many friends that were kind to me and supported me even though we were of a different race. It's hard to be in a minority. It's very comforting when you are a minority to know that someone else supports you and cares about you despite your differences, your skin color, your customs or beliefs, your heritage and your history.

We all belong to the human race. In my heart of hearts I feel like I would categorize myself as an introvert. I often make up excuses and cancel plans so I don't have to interact with other people. I hate this about myself and it's something I am continually working on. Because I tend to isolate and use various "crutches" to escape and numb out (pills, fan fiction, food, sleep, books, movies/tv shows etc.,), it's nice to know that someone else has your back and sees you and wants to help you. It's comforting to have a cheerleader; someone who cheers you on from the sidelines and believes in you, your dreams, aspirations and potential. It's healthy and normal for us as humans to crave interaction, kindness, attention, validation, support and love.

You don't know if I have two first cousins who are married to black people and have black children who I have personally reached out to by phone and verbally voiced my support. (I do and I have.) You don't know if I have donated money to several different Black Lives Matter causes. (I have.) You don't know if I volunteered my time one Saturday afternoon at The Navajo Nation food bank in Salt Lake City. (I did.) You don't know if I own a hijab that I can wear when I visit the local Muslim Temple with my friend. (I do.) You don't know if I actively vocalize my belief that children DO NOT belong on motorcycle or ATVS; no exceptions. (I do.) *This one gets my blood boiling. I held my best friend in my arms as her 2 year old son lie dead in a little blue coffin because his father thought it would be fun to take him on a ride on his motorcycle around the block. I will not make any exceptions to this. It's not cute. It's not safe. It's not fun. Don't do it.*

You're a Catholic? GREAT! I'll quit eating candy for 40 days with you to make Lent a little less lonely. You're a Muslim? AWESOME! I'll cover your shift while you go do salat. You're a native from India? SUPER! I won't eat beef in front you because I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. You're a Jew? FANTASTIC! I'll help you make challah for Rosh Hashanah. You're a Native American? AMAZING! Please let me vocally support Indigenous People's Day instead of Columbus Day. You're a recovering/ active addict? REMARKABLE! Me too! Please tell me if I say or do anything that triggers you.

Do you understand what I am trying to say? We are all members of the human race. No one wants to be alone in this journey called life. It's nice to have someone there in your corner, cheering you on, whether they are quiet about it or choose to shout it from the rooftops. Call me naive, but I believe that we can COEXIST.

It all boils down to the first and great commandment....LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Even if you don't believe in God, I think we can all get behind this mantra. Just be a good human. Treat people with kindness. Choose love. Be nice to nice. Don't stand idly by while a fellow member of the human race is suffering. Do something. Say something. Stand for something. Educate yourself.

In conclusion, I will support you. Unless it is something inherently evil that you actively and vocally support, ie: nazis, white supremacy, homicide, rape, child pornography, domestic violence, etc., I will be there. In whatever capacity is comfortable for you, I will be there.

Take care my fellow humans. In my heart of hearts I choose to believe that Good will ALWAYS conquer Evil.

[corgidreamsworld]

Euphoria: What the Actual Fuck is Going On?!

Euphoria is the newest show on HBO starting the amazing Zendaya. She is the main reason I began watching the show, but she is not the only reason I continue to view it.

From the beginning, I knew this show was going to be a trip from the start filled with sex and drugs. But what I didn't realize was that this show was going to be filled with complex characters and new storylines. Zendaya plays Rue, a drug addict just out of rehab who begins the hunt for drugs. Zendaya really breaks the mold of what she is known for and makes this character someone who you feel so much pain for and are rooting for her. She narrates every episode, even when she is not the star of that episode. Her voice guides you through the characters backgrounds and how they got to where they are today.

Throughout the show, you see a glimpse of each character, and then in the next episode, you learn more and more. For example, in the first episode, you meet Kat, who is a thicker girl who loses her virginity at a party. Later you learn more background information such as that she was thinner but went on vacation, drank 72 virgin pina colada's, gained 20 pounds and her grade school boyfriend see's her the first day back he then breaks up with her. After this flashback, which Euphoria does quite a bit, she learns the guy she has sex with videotapes their interaction, and she sees it on PornHub. She eventually can get the video of PornHub under that name but see's that it is titled as something else. Then she realized the attention she gets from this makes her feel pretty and noticed, unlike her real life. This begins the journey of her new life.

Most of the character's problems are tied with love, sex, drugs, insecurity, etc. It may show them at first being superficial, but you slowly begin to see that they have deeper issues. The show also addresses some problems that can be seen in today's society.

The Characters:

To touch on some of the characters, we have Cassie, McKay, and Nate. Cassie is a white cheerleader who is popular but is viewed as a hoe. McKay is a black freshman football player who tells Nate, a white jock in high school is a complete psychopath who would potentially kill anyone in a moment of rage, that he likes Cassie. Nate proceeds to tell McKay that he should fuck her like the whore she is and then dump her ass. After he shows McKay MULTIPLE pictures of Cassie naked and a potential sex tape of her with two other guys. In front of 10 of guys. They are also shirtless, not sure what that's about but here we are. It was disgusting and upsetting because they were perfectly comfortable degrading her like she was nothing and making it seem that her only purpose was to be a sex object. The thing that struck a chord with me was that McKay said nothing and just let it happen. Then later at a party, he proceeded to attempt to choke Cassie because he thought that that was what she wanted. WHY SIR WHY? I understand that in high school, it can difficult to tell others that something isn't okay or go against the "cool" kids. But my guy, when someone disrespects someone, and you know it is not okay say something. Like fuck, you do not need these rich, privileged white men to bring you down. But none the less Cassie and McKay begin dating, and you know she is in love. I wonder how in love she will be when she finds out her man is hanging with some jackass who will disrespect her in a minute. Babygirl, buy a vibrator and fuck those guys. They ain't shit, and you do not need them to make you have an orgasm. Through the episode you know Cassie likes sex which is fine however finding the line of that she enjoys it versus she is doing it for someone else is VERY blurry. 

Nate. Nate. Nate has to be one of the most complex and disgusting individuals on this show. He uses violence to get what he wants and has no problem hurting anyone if it benefits him or makes him look like the masculine hero. Nate has a fascinating yet disturbing background that complicates his relationships with women and sex. The more you learn, the more your eyes widen, and your brain screams, what the fuck!?

Jules. Jules is a precious fairy who deserves to be protected at all costs. More like she is the new student who becomes friends with Rue and we learn in the first episode that she is transgender. This is very much related to her story and the relationships she develops with, not Rue but with others. Her aura is sunshine, her clothes are brights, her smile is filled with sweetness, and she makes Rue happy. A happiness Rue isn't used to unless she has drugs. The internet and I agree that if anyone hurts her, they will catch these hands-on sights.

Overall, Euphoria is a great show, however, trigger warnings out the ass. If you are not worried about it, I would recommend it. The soundtrack is fantastic as well, so that's a bonus. The show thrives on the creativity of the storylines, and it does not disappoint.

[aimeesuzara]

The Body in Bloom, or Adventures in Shape-Shifting. PregBlog#3

I grew up constantly worried about my weight.  What preteen or teen girl doesn’t? And I gained a lot of it.  And I lost a lot of it. Convinced I was getting “fat,” (though, not only coincidentally, I was entering womanhood), I went on my first diet when I was 11.  I used diet books, counted calories in a little journal, measuring each scoop of peanut butter and each bite of rice cake.  I was not actually “fat”; I was getting boobs and hips and curves, but that fact was lost on me.  (To add: In our rather-militaristic Houston, TX PE class someone had measured my BMI and said it was higher than average, though I think I weighed about 110, ran a decent mile and won the sit-up contest; they also fanatically measured us for scoliosis and sent many of us home with confusing results. Come to think of it, I also got braces for my incorrect bite shortly after I got glasses for my bad eyes -- adolescence is a time of measurement).  Clearly, I had not been exposed to what good curves could be, thinking that lanky and straight (and also, not coincidentally, white) was my dream aesthetic.  This was the late 80s, an era for tracksuits, jogging, Lean Cuisines, diet sodas and no-butter in favor of margarine (the kind later to be found to be very bad).  Instead of enjoying what was the beautiful blossoming of my body, I was set on preventing it, and I’m pretty sure the calorie restriction wasn’t awesome for my metabolism.

Fast-forward to the last three years of high school, when I actually did gain extra weight.  This time, I owe it to a little-more-than typical teen angst and insecurity — I hid behind baggy tee-shirts as I let my body pack on a safe and protective layer.  Not seeing others like me in a markedly un-diverse town and having moved around the country 5 times by the age of 16, I ate weird s**it like coolwhip and tortillas: comfort food.  This was the Mohave Desert east of Los Angeles and I can also blame the desert, the arid, treeless, waterless place that yielded far too many suicides and drug addictions along with a subculture of weirdo outcasts indulging in our melancholia.  The conservative, culture-less and very-basic Catholic School with only a sprinkle of electives was run by jocks, cheerleaders and priests, and I rebelled by wearing Dad’s blazers and thrift-store oddities, often oversized and masculine. I hid behind a curtain of angle-cut hair and remember hating looking at mirrors, turning my face as though seeing myself would release the boogey-man. I also felt just about as equally “person” as girl, enjoying a bit of the androgynous.

Leaping forward at least two decades, I’m a healthy, active, in-between-sized, femme-presenting Filipina woman in her early 40s who loves her own body but still fights fears of gaining too much weight, “losing it” or “falling apart.”  After all, after 40, heck, after 35, aren’t we supposed to just go “downhill” or certainly “over the hill”? Aren’t we told we’re less desireable?  As our metabolism often naturally does slow down in our 30s, I have accepted the 5-10 extra pounds that has become part of my norm, despite being active and health-conscious.  I recognize my privileges as looking younger than my years, and yet because I didn’t grow up feeling pretty and got little romantic attention (from any gender) until mid-college — I don’t take my late-blooming for granted.  I still fear all the things we women get conditioned to, as we age: wrinkles and blemishes, uncontrollable weight gain, tiredness, declining flexibility or mobility.  The media is obsessed with youth and thinness, even if we are not.  Let’s add that there’s not a lot of representation of a gracefully-aging woman of color.

Now add: becoming pregnant.  Ha! All of the above on my list, bring them on, hormones and blooming belly!  Let’s start with “wrinkles,” one you may not expect: I normally have pretty unwrinkled skin (thanks to melanin/genes), but beginning my first trimester, I both got acne breakouts AND itchy patches/wrinkles under my eyes at once.  As someone joked with me, it’s a little like being an old teenager....who’s pregnant.

Weight gain — well, we can’t avoid that, and shouldn’t.  A pregnant woman at average gains about 25-35 lbs during pregnancy, give or take, some more, some less. The amniotic fluid, extra blood volume, body mass, and the baby itself must increase; we literally grow to provide the baby nutrients.   I’m in the late-second trimester, said to be the fun time when your energy returns, first-trimester nuisances calm down, and you get used to being pregs. It’s a time when you can revel in not having to explain weight gain to people who are asking themselves, “is she?”  The belly announces itself now, loudly, not in a whisper.  I had a major growth spurt between about week 17-21; my belly felt like a taut balloon being pushed out from the inside.  “Hold on now!” I felt like telling it.  On the outside it seemed all of sudden, I was like, “boom!” Going swimming in a bikini with the melon-belly was fun.

What I love about this time is being more aware of the sense of a person sharing my body, this tumbling, squirming, peddling being.  The Week-20 full anatomical sonogram leads to relief for many, since we can check on all the major organs and parts.  In mine, he nearly waved at us and did all kinds of what I’ll call dance moves since he has a dancer mommy. Seeing all of this correlating with the sensation confirms that indeed, I was feeling fetal movement, not just imagining things.  Until about Week 17, I was still waking up thinking it had all been a dream. Now, not so.  

I’m not yet at the point of feeling so heavy I’m lumbering, or hurting, but I have those possibilities to look forward to.  Picking things up and tying my shoes is already weird to say the least, and I imagine myself even less able to bend once the baby occupies even more room. 

It’s a new kind of learning to love my body.  And all of this has been to say that I’m used to the ebbs and flows; I pay attention not because I have always felt good in my skin, but because I haven’t.  I have learned that strength and stamina are important qualities of feeling beautiful, more than how we “look” on the outside …our beauty comes from how we feel (I tried to avoid the cliche, but now I have to say it: it comes from within).  And I feel so in love with this little fish sharing this body with me that I’m sure that the love shows on my (wrinkled, acne-d but glowing) face.  

The body in bloom for the pregnant woman is the body shapeshifting, because unlike a flower, I won’t bloom and then wither; I’ll keep changing as the body does, pregnant or not.  I hear from mommies that postpartum bodies are still changing and it is not easy, nor the same for everyone.  Rather than focus on going “back” to normal, just as in aging we have to accept that we cannot go “back” to our youth— I want to look forward to continually changing, growing new senses, new awareness, new ways of being in the body and in the world. And becoming a parent will be a shapeshifting journey to last many years more.

[ohmypreciousgirl]

My Very Gay To Read List

Six of Crows (Six of Crows #1) by Leigh Bardugo

Criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker has been offered wealth beyond his wildest dreams. But to claim it, he'll have to pull off a seemingly impossible heist:

Break into the notorious Ice Court (a military stronghold that has never been breached)

Retrieve a hostage (who could unleash magical havoc on the world)

Survive long enough to collect his reward (and spend it)

Kaz needs a crew desperate enough to take on this suicide mission and dangerous enough to get the job done - and he knows exactly who: six of the deadliest outcasts the city has to offer. Together, they just might be unstoppable - if they don't kill each other first.

The Raven Boys (The Raven Cycle #1) by Maggie Stiefvater

It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive.

Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her.

His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble.

But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little.

For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

Loved this book so much: Know Not Why (Know Not Why) by Hannah Johnson 

Howie gets a job at Artie Kraft's Arts 'N Crafts hoping to score with his lady coworkers. After all, girls love a sensitive guy, and what's more sensitive than dedicating your life to selling yarn and ... stuff? (Okay, so maybe it'd be a good idea to actually learn what one sells at an arts 'n crafts store.) But things don't go exactly according to plan. Coworker #1 is Cora: tiny, much-pierced, and way too fierce to screw with in any sense. Coworker #2 is Kristy: blonde, bubbly, unattainable perfection. And Coworker #3 is, well, Arthur. It goes without saying that he’s not an option. Right?

… Right?

Yeah, Howie’s life just got straight up confusing.

Pun intended.

How They Met, and Other Stories by David Levithan

Just in time for Valentine’s Day comes a confection from David Levithan that is sure to appeal to fans of Boy Meets Boy. Here are 18 stories, all about love, and about all kinds of love. From the aching for the one you pine for, to standing up and speaking up for the one you love, to pure joy and happiness, these love stories run the gamut of that emotion that at some point has turned every one of us inside out and upside down. What is love? With this original story collection David Levithan proves that love is a many splendored thing, a varied, complicated, addictive, wonderful thing.

Strong Signal by Megan Erickson

I was counting down the months until the end of my deployment. My days were spent working on military vehicles, and I spent my nights playing video games that would distract me until I could leave Staff Sergeant Garrett Reid behind.

That was when I met him: Kai Bannon, a fellow gamer with a famous stream channel.

I never expected to become fixated on someone who'd initially been a rival. And I'd never expected someone who oozed charm to notice me—a guy known for his brutal honesty and scowl. I hadn't planned for our online friendship to turn into something that kept me up at night—hours of chatting evolving into filthy webcam sessions.

But it did. And now I can't stop thinking about him. In my mind, our real life meeting is perfect. We kiss, we fall into bed, and it's love at first sight.

Except, like most things in my life, it doesn't go as planned.

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised.

With some messy dynamics emerging in his once tight-knit group of friends, and his email correspondence with Blue growing more flirtatious every day, Simon’s junior year has suddenly gotten all kinds of complicated. Now, change-averse Simon has to find a way to step out of his comfort zone before he’s pushed out—without alienating his friends, compromising himself, or fumbling a shot at happiness with the most confusing, adorable guy he’s never met.

Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

New York Times  bestselling author David Levithan tells the based-on-true-events story of Harry and Craig, two 17-year-olds who are about to take part in a 32-hour marathon of kissing to set a new Guinness World Record—all of which is narrated by a Greek Chorus of the generation of gay men lost to AIDS.

While the two increasingly dehydrated and sleep-deprived boys are locking lips, they become a focal point in the lives of other teen boys dealing with languishing long-term relationships, coming out, navigating gender identity, and falling deeper into the digital rabbit hole of gay hookup sites—all while the kissing former couple tries to figure out their own feelings for each other.

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

This is the story of Paul, a sophomore at a high school like no other: The cheerleaders ride Harleys, the homecoming queen used to be a guy named Daryl (she now prefers Infinite Darlene and is also the star quarterback), and the gay-straight alliance was formed to help the straight kids learn how to dance.

When Paul meets Noah, he thinks he’s found the one his heart is made for. Until he blows it. The school bookie says the odds are 12-to-1 against him getting Noah back, but Paul’s not giving up without playing his love really loud. His best friend Joni might be drifting away, his other best friend Tony might be dealing with ultra-religious parents, and his ex-boyfriend Kyle might not be going away anytime soon, but sometimes everything needs to fall apart before it can really fit together right.

Liked this book: Peter Darling by Austin Chant

Ten years ago, Peter Pan left Neverland to grow up, leaving behind his adolescent dreams of boyhood and resigning himself to life as Wendy Darling. Growing up, however, has only made him realize how inescapable his identity as a man is.

But when he returns to Neverland, everything has changed: the Lost Boys have become men, and the war games they once played are now real and deadly. Even more shocking is the attraction Peter never knew he could feel for his old rival, Captain Hook—and the realization that he no longer knows which of them is the real villain.

Lucas e Nicolas by Gabriel Spits

Lucas é um adolescente como qualquer outro: seu corpo cheio de hormônios o enche de desejos e sua cabeça de dúvidas. Na escola, Lucas é considerado um ‘loser’: tímido, péssimo nos esportes e muito inteligente, alvo constante de chacota dos alunos mais ‘populares’ e completamente inábil na arte da conquista amorosa. Mas, no caso de Lucas, algo mais o deixa vulnerável ao assédio dos colegas: ele é gay. E isso faz toda a diferença, principalmente em um ambiente conservador como na pequena cidade do interior paulista onde vive. 

A tanto sofrimento, soma-se uma novidade: recém-chegado da capital São Paulo, Nicolas é tudo o que ele não é: bonito, forte e popular. E é, talvez, justamente por isso, ou por algum outro motivo que ele não consegue identificar, que Lucas se apaixona pelo seu oposto – ou pelo seu complemento? Como lidar com isso? Pode-se considerar “Lucas e Nicolas”, lançamento do Fábrica231, um livro necessário. Com habilidade, o autor traça um perfil honesto de Lucas, um menino desprotegido e solitário em suas dúvidas e questionamentos acerca de sua orientação sexual. Sem interlocutores que possam ouvi-lo e orientá-lo, resta-lhe o sentimento de vergonha, deslocamento e medo. Afinal, o mundo parece não perdoar quem é diferente. Por conta disso, sofre toda sorte de agressões, verbais e físicas, numa homofobia que é negada conscientemente por seus perpetradores, mas muito presente na vida diária. 

Na impossibilidade de poder expressar seu afeto, Lucas corre para o abrigo da internet, onde faz um amigo, Matheus, gay assumido, mas que nunca viu ao vivo. Matheus é seu confidente e representa aquele jovem homossexual que tem orgulho de ser quem é. Assume seu caráter único e vive com intensidade toda uma cultura gay que se reflete em músicas, filmes e num linguajar muito peculiar. Ao desabafar sobre Nicolas, ele descobre com Matheus uma informação crucial sobre seu objeto de desejo. Nicolas é o típico aluno popular, forte, bonito e atlético. Mas, por trás de tanta fortaleza, esconde-se uma personalidade frágil, um menino com uma família desajustada, que o obriga a amadurecer cedo. Ele vem da capital para o interior, mas tem dificuldade de se adaptar. Sente saudades dos amigos de São Paulo, e de um em especial. Péssimo nos estudos, ele é obrigado a ter aulas particulares com o CDF do colégio: Lucas. E agora? 

How to Repair a Mechanical Heart by J.C. Lillis

Eighteen-year-old Castaway Planet fans Brandon and Abel hate bad fan fiction—especially when it pairs their number-one TV crushes of all time, dashing space captain Cadmus and dapper android Sim. As co-runners of the Internet’s third most popular Castaway Planet vlog, they love to spar with the “Cadsim” fangirls who think Cadmus will melt Sim’s mechanical heart by the Season 5 finale. This summer, Brandon and Abel have a mission: hit the road in an RV to follow the traveling Castaway Planet convention, interview the actors and showrunner, and uncover proof that a legit Cadsim romance will NEVER, EVER HAPPEN.

A Brandon and Abel romance: also not happening. Brandon’s sick of his struggle to make “gay and Catholic” compute, so it’s safer to love a TV android. Plus Abel’s got a hot new boyfriend with a phoenix tattoo, and how can Brandon compete with that? But when mysterious messages about them start popping up in the fan community, they make a shocking discovery that slowly forces their real feelings to the surface. Before they get to the last Castaway Planet convention, Brandon’s going to find out the truth: can a mechanical heart be reprogrammed, or will his first shot at love be a full system failure?

The Dark Wife by Sarah Diemer

Three thousand years ago, a god told a lie. Now, only a goddess can tell the truth. Persephone has everything a daughter of Zeus could want--except for freedom. She lives on the green earth with her mother, Demeter, growing up beneath the ever-watchful eyes of the gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus. But when Persephone meets the enigmatic Hades, she experiences something new: choice. Zeus calls Hades "lord" of the dead as a joke. In truth, Hades is the goddess of the underworld, and no friend of Zeus. She offers Persephone sanctuary in her land of the dead, so the young goddess may escape her Olympian destiny. But Persephone finds more than freedom in the underworld. She finds love, and herself.

Keeping You a Secret by Julie Anne Peters

With a steady boyfriend, the position of Student Council President, and a chance to go to an Ivy League college, high school life is just fine for Holland Jaeger. At least it seems to be. But when Cece Goddard comes to school, everything changes. Cece and Holland have undeniable feelings for each other, but how will others react to their developing relationship? This moving love story between two girls is a worthy successor to Nancy Garden's classic young adult coming out novel, Annie on My Mind. With her characteristic humor and breezy style, Peters has captured the compelling emotions of young love.

Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden

This groundbreaking book is the story of two teenage girls whose friendship blossoms into love and who, despite pressures from family and school that threaten their relationship, promise to be true to each other and their feelings. This book is so truthful and honest, it has been banned from many school libraries and even publicly burned in Kansas City.

Everything Leads to You by Nina LaCour

Emi is a film buff and a true romantic, but her real-life relationships are a mess. She has desperately gone back to the same girl too many times to mention. But then a mysterious letter from a silver screen legend leads Emi to Ava. Ava is unlike anyone Emi has ever met. She has a tumultuous, not-so-glamorous past, and lives an unconventional life. She’s enigmatic…. She’s beautiful. And she is about to expand Emi’s understanding of family, acceptance, and true romance.

Him (Him #1) by Sarina Bowen

Jamie Canning has never been able to figure out how he lost his closest friend. Four years ago, his tattooed, wise-cracking, rule-breaking roommate cut him off without an explanation. So what if things got a little weird on the last night of hockey camp the summer they were eighteen? It was just a little drunken foolishness. Nobody died.

Ryan Wesley’s biggest regret is coaxing his very straight friend into a bet that pushed the boundaries of their relationship. Now, with their college teams set to face off at the national championship, he’ll finally get a chance to apologize. But all it takes is one look at his longtime crush, and the ache is stronger than ever.

Jamie has waited a long time for answers, but walks away with only more questions—can one night of sex ruin a friendship? If not, how about six more weeks of it? When Wesley turns up to coach alongside Jamie for one more hot summer at camp, Jamie has a few things to discover about his old friend... and a big one to learn about himself.

Truth in the Dark by Amy Lane

"I am not beautiful..."

Knife's entire existence has been as twisted as his flesh and his face. The only thing beautiful in his life is his sister. When Gwennie is obliged to turn a suitor down because she fears to leave her brother to the brutality of their village, Knife is desperate for anything to ensure her happiness.

Her suitor's cousin offers him a way out, but it won't be easy. Aerie-Smith has been cursed to walk upright in the form of a beast, and his beloved village suffers from the same spell. Aerie-Smith offers Gwen a trousseau and some hope, if only Knife will keep him company on his island for the span of a year and perform one "regrettable task" at year's end.

Knife is unprepared for the form the island's curse takes on his own misshapen body. In one moment of magic, he is given the body of his dreams—and he discovers that where flesh meets spirit and appearance meet reality, sometimes the only place to find truth is in the darkness of a lover's arms.

Luck in the Shadows (Nightrunner #1) by Lynn Flewelling

When young Alec of Kerry is taken prisoner for a crime he didn’t commit, he is certain that his life is at an end. But one thing he never expected was his cellmate. Spy, rogue, thief, and noble, Seregil of Rhiminee is many things–none of them predictable. And when he offers to take on Alec as his apprentice, things may never be the same for either of them. Soon Alec is traveling roads he never knew existed, toward a war he never suspected was brewing. Before long he and Seregil are embroiled in a sinister plot that runs deeper than either can imagine, and that may cost them far more than their lives if they fail. But fortune is as unpredictable as Alec’s new mentor, and this time there just might be…Luck in the Shadows.

I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson

Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways . . until Jude meets a cocky, broken, beautiful boy, as well as someone else—an even more unpredictable new force in her life. The early years are Noah's story to tell. The later years are Jude's. What the twins don't realize is that they each have only half the story, and if they could just find their way back to one another, they’d have a chance to remake their world.

Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley

In 1959 Virginia, the lives of two girls on opposite sides of the battle for civil rights will be changed forever.

Sarah Dunbar is one of the first black students to attend the previously all-white Jefferson High School. An honors student at her old school, she is put into remedial classes, spit on and tormented daily.

Linda Hairston is the daughter of one of the town's most vocal opponents of school integration. She has been taught all her life that the races should be kept separate but equal.

Forced to work together on a school project, Sarah and Linda must confront harsh truths about race, power and how they really feel about one another.

The Diviners (The Diviners #1) by Libba Bray

Evie O’Neill has been exiled from her boring old hometown and shipped off to the bustling streets of New York City—and she is pos-i-tute-ly ecstatic. It’s 1926, and New York is filled with speakeasies, Ziegfeld girls, and rakish pickpockets. The only catch is that she has to live with her uncle Will and his unhealthy obsession with the occult.

Evie worries he’ll discover her darkest secret: a supernatural power that has only brought her trouble so far. But when the police find a murdered girl branded with a cryptic symbol and Will is called to the scene, Evie realizes her gift could help catch a serial killer.

As Evie jumps headlong into a dance with a murderer, other stories unfold in the city that never sleeps. A young man named Memphis is caught between two worlds. A chorus girl named Theta is running from her past. A student named Jericho hides a shocking secret. And unknown to all, something dark and evil has awakened.

The Magicians (The Magicians, #1) by Lev Grossman

Like everyone else, precocious high school senior Quentin Coldwater assumes that magic isn't real, until he finds himself admitted to a very secretive and exclusive college of magic in upstate New York. There he indulges in joys of college-friendship, love, sex, and booze- and receives a rigorous education in modern sorcery. But magic doesn't bring the happiness and adventure Quentin thought it would. After graduation, he and his friends stumble upon a secret that sets them on a remarkable journey that may just fulfill Quentin's yearning. But their journey turns out to be darker and more dangerous than they'd imagined.

The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black

Children can have a cruel, absolute sense of justice. Children can kill a monster and feel quite proud of themselves. A girl can look at her brother and believe they’re destined to be a knight and a bard who battle evil. She can believe she’s found the thing she’s been made for.

Hazel lives with her brother, Ben, in the strange town of Fairfold where humans and fae exist side by side. The faeries’ seemingly harmless magic attracts tourists, but Hazel knows how dangerous they can be, and she knows how to stop them. Or she did, once.

At the center of it all, there is a glass coffin in the woods. It rests right on the ground and in it sleeps a boy with horns on his head and ears as pointed as knives. Hazel and Ben were both in love with him as children. The boy has slept there for generations, never waking.

Until one day, he does…

As the world turns upside down, Hazel tries to remember her years pretending to be a knight. But swept up in new love, shifting loyalties, and the fresh sting of betrayal, will it be enough?

Deathless (Leningrad Diptych #1) by Catherynne M. Valente

Koschei the Deathless is to Russian folklore what devils or wicked witches are to European culture: a menacing, evil figure; the villain of countless stories which have been passed on through story and text for generations. But Koschei has never before been seen through the eyes of Catherynne Valente, whose modernized and transformed take on the legend brings the action to modern times, spanning many of the great developments of Russian history in the twentieth century. Deathless, however, is no dry, historical tome: it lights up like fire as the young Marya Morevna transforms from a clever child of the revolution, to Koschei’s beautiful bride, to his eventual undoing. Along the way there are Stalinist house elves, magical quests, secrecy and bureaucracy, and games of lust and power. All told, Deathless is a collision of magical history and actual history, of revolution and mythology, of love and death, which will bring Russian myth back to life in a stunning new incarnation.

Dash & Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn, David Levithan

So begins the latest whirlwind romance from the bestselling authors of Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist. Lily has left a red notebook full of challenges on a favorite bookstore shelf, waiting for just the right guy to come along and accept its dares. But is Dash that right guy? Or are Dash and Lily only destined to trade dares, dreams, and desires in the notebook they pass back and forth at locations across New York? Could their in-person selves possibly connect as well as their notebook versions? Or will they be a comic mismatch of disastrous proportions?

Rachel Cohn and David Levithan have written a love story that will have readers perusing bookstore shelves, looking and longing for a love (and a red notebook) of their own.

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn, David Levithan

It all starts when Nick asks Norah to be his girlfriend for five minutes. He only needs five minutes to avoid his ex-girlfriend, who’s just walked in to his band’s show. With a new guy. And then, with one kiss, Nick and Norah are off on an adventure set against the backdrop of New York City—and smack in the middle of all the joy, anxiety, confusion, and excitement of a first date.

Every Day (Every Day #1) by David Levithan

Every day a different body. Every day a different life. Every day in love with the same girl. There’s never any warning about where it will be or who it will be. A has made peace with that, even established guidelines by which to live: Never get too attached. Avoid being noticed. Do not interfere.

It’s all fine until the morning that A wakes up in the body of Justin and meets Justin’s girlfriend, Rhiannon. From that moment, the rules by which A has been living no longer apply. Because finally A has found someone he wants to be with—day in, day out, day after day.

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

A laugh-out-loud, heartfelt YA romantic comedy, told in alternating perspectives, about two Indian-American teens whose parents have arranged for them to be married.

Dimple Shah has it all figured out. With graduation behind her, she’s more than ready for a break from her family, from Mamma’s inexplicable obsession with her finding the “Ideal Indian Husband.” Ugh. Dimple knows they must respect her principles on some level, though. If they truly believed she needed a husband right now, they wouldn’t have paid for her to attend a summer program for aspiring web developers…right?

Rishi Patel is a hopeless romantic. So when his parents tell him that his future wife will be attending the same summer program as him—wherein he’ll have to woo her—he’s totally on board. Because as silly as it sounds to most people in his life, Rishi wants to be arranged, believes in the power of tradition, stability, and being a part of something much bigger than himself.

The Shahs and Patels didn’t mean to start turning the wheels on this “suggested arrangement” so early in their children’s lives, but when they noticed them both gravitate toward the same summer program, they figured, Why not?

Dimple and Rishi may think they have each other figured out. But when opposites clash, love works hard to prove itself in the most unexpected ways.

A Darker Shade of Magic (Shades of Magic #1) by V.E. Schwab

Kell is one of the last travelers--magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel universes connected by one magical city.

There's Grey London, dirty and boring, without any magic, and with one mad King--George III. Red London, where life and magic are revered--and where Kell was raised alongside Rhy Maresh, the roguish heir to a flourishing empire. White London--a place where people fight to control magic and the magic fights back, draining the city to its very bones. And once upon a time, there was Black London. But no one speaks of that now.

Officially, Kell is the Red traveler, ambassador of the Maresh empire, carrying the monthly correspondences between the royals of each London. Unofficially, Kell is a smuggler, servicing people willing to pay for even the smallest glimpses of a world they'll never see. It's a defiant hobby with dangerous consequences, which Kell is now seeing firsthand.

Fleeing into Grey London, Kell runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. She robs him, saves him from a deadly enemy, and finally forces Kell to spirit her to another world for a proper adventure.

Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

[eurekahq1-blog]

BASICS

NAME: Madelaine ‘Maddie’ Carol Jensen. DATE OF BIRTH: August 29th. 1995. AGE: Sixteen. GRADE LEVEL: Sophomore. FACECLAIM: Luca Hostelle. alternates: Lisa Teige, Kat McNamara. PRONOUNS: She/her.

STUDENT FILE

GPA: 3.5 — She is a solid A-B student, but is only in one honors class, history. EXTRACURRICULARS: She is a cheerleader at school, though she formerly was a dancer. As the new kid, she hasn’t had much time to join anything. Sometimes, she sneaks into Art Club meetings halfway through and paints. DISCIPLINARY HISTORY: Squeaky clean, considering she’s barely been at the school for all of two months. Though judging by the rest of her, it’s most likely to stay that way. STUDENT SINCE: September currentyear.

FIELD TRIP INFORMATION

ITEMS ON PERSON: Fifty-two dollars in cash and her Visa card, though there’s nothing in her account. A little paper slip with important new phone numbers on them, as she doesn’t remember them yet and needs them if her phone dies. Her favorite bubble gum lip gloss, a sketch pad she refuses to show anyone. An extra cheer scrunchie, and Cinnamon Altoids, her favorite. About three half used pencils and an empty pen. ITEMS IN OVERNIGHT BAG: Clothes and undergarments for the next day, her birth control pills. A book she brought along just in case, though she most likely won’t read it. A Bottle of rum she was coerced by the rest of the cheer squad into nicking from her grandma’s cupboard. Ever soft spoken, she couldn’t refuse. Her phone charger, and about a million and one hair ties. REASON FOR ATTENDANCE: Where the squad goes, she goes, and Eddie convinced them all to attend.  

BIOGRAPHY

A life of privilege isn’t always a bad thing — the best way to describe the Maddie of the past is spoiled sweet. Her father was a very successful businessman ( of what, she was never really certain ) and her stay at home mother pampered their only child endlessly. She was a dancing prodigy, and loved it with her whole heart. She was homeschooled, and often would skip her lessons to dance, even though she was still extremely bright.

Her life remained relatively uneventful until the tail end of middle school, where she fell in love with an art that didn’t involve ballet flats or tap shoes: painting. She dropped out of dance, much to the disappointment of her mother, though the later remained supportive. Rather than be homeschooled, for her eighth grade and freshman year, she attended the rich kid private school in town, where she pursued her art skills.

The middle of freshman year, things all fell apart. Her and her mother’s credit cards stopped working, rather than being sent to the auto-body shop the family cars sat in the driveway, not working, and the lawn had become overgrown after the dismissal of their landscaper. Every day, her father was peppered with questions that received non-answers until he finally broke. He had a gambling addiction, had lost his job, and shoved his family into bankruptcy. Her parents divorce was swift, with Mrs. Jensen forcing her ex-husband to clean up his act. They moved from their suburb of Boston to small town California to live with Maddie’s grandmother. Between her mother’s job as a waitress and grandma’s social security, the once heavily coddled girl is now surviving on thrift store hauls and reduced lunches at school. She even shares a room with her mother.

Unlike her home life, Maddie’s transition into a new public school was relatively successful. Her spot nabbed on the cheerleading squad boosted her to insta popularity in the typical high school hierarchy, though she’s a little less invested in parties and sex than the rest of the squad or the football team. They’re much nicer than anyone in other cliques seems to know — but she can’t help but feel like an outsider.

PERSONALITY

Maddie is soft spoken and kind, which can sometimes translate into being unable to stand up for herself. While she’s far from spineless and has plenty of strong convictions, voicing them seems to be her only issue. She tends to go along with the crowd.

She isn’t a prodigy, but she’s plenty smart. Her high grades are mostly attributed to her being a hard worker, and her habit of getting Christmas presents for the teachers every year, a habit carried over from a school where they would be Tiffany blue boxes rather than a tin of homemade cookies.

Though she can be a little quiet, wallflower isn’t the way anyone would describe Maddie. She’s in attendance at most of the parties, and while she doesn’t get plastered in shots or beer pong, wine coolers are something she’s been known to partake in. Mostly, she’s there to socialise: she considers herself lucky to have been accepted and she has no intentions of losing that.

CONNECTIONS

KATHERINE TANAKA — New friend outside of her usual social circle. The only one who’s seen her paintings.

THE CHEER SQUAD — Yadayadaya.

EDWARD MCDONALD — Her closest friend on the cheer squad. He’s taken the younger girl under his wing, and they’re kindred spirits in their atypical personalities for the social top.

MADELAINE IS OPEN.