#and later on once they're married: well-meaning idiot/''oh fuck that's *MY* idiot!!''

[ezrisdax-archive]

Starstruck Odyssey, Korrasami, and you DO get Wedge lmao

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: oh this is tricky... probably Skip, Zac just played him so well

Least Favorite character: uhhhh, Edwina, she's the one who was mean to Sidney when they met :(

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): this wasn't really a ship season? despite being on a ship (badum-tsh) so I've really got nothing here

Character I find most attractive: Riva, I love their design so much

Character I would marry: uh, well Margaret, she'd keep the finances running

Character I would be best friends with: Gunnie!

a random thought: I hope we come back to these characters but I'm not sure we'd see Riva return? which would be too bad but I'm sure Siobhan would play someone new I'd love

An unpopular opinion: as much as I enjoyed it there were times I think handy andi was a little op for the play

My Canon OTP: ????

My Non-canon OTP: we just don't know

Most Badass Character: Barry Syx, what can I say I'm a sucker for the old 80s archetypes like that

Most Epic Villain: the rolls vs checking for loose duke lmao

Pairing I am not a fan of: idk

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): none, d20 is perfect

Favourite Friendship: Sidney and Barry, those two were so much fun to play off each other.

Character I most identify with: hmmm, probably Riva

Character I wish I could be: Margaret, please teach me to get money...

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: way way back in season one, they had so little interactions but were pretty much the only pair I was interested in lol, back when they were a rarepair...

My thoughts: I'm so glad the writers got to make them canon, I still remember that I was working that day and saw some of it on tumblr and honestly wasn't sure if it was real or not until I saw it

What makes me happy about them: they're canon!!!! and that the two of them came to understand and rely on each other, I think season three really built a lot of groundwork for them coming together and I'm grateful for that

What makes me sad about them: we never got to see them kiss on tv, like I do absolutely understand that, hell it's even a struggle now for it but I wish we could have gotten it still

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: any time I see a fic where Korra is portrayed as an idiot or primitive I cringe. I once saw one where Asami was exploring the land and kidnapped and immediately knew that's where that was going and noped out

Things I look for in fanfic: hm, I haven't searched for korrasami fanfic in a while but I'm a huge sucker for aus where Korra was the one to run into her in season one or aus where they don't actually meet till later, completely different I know

My wishlist: I don't have much of one, I'd just like to see more of them in the comics which I think I will

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: nope, that's it for me for them

My happily ever after for them: I just want them to have more spirit world trips together and spend some time together, like let them have a happy ending where they're not always forced to save everything all the time and can relax

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: look. look. you know. and several other mutuals on this website who have to put up with me know even if they aren't in star wars fandom that Wedge is my boy. that's my star wars guy. I can't help it if three year old me picked him as a fave and has not let go okay. I had a fucking notebook lexi!!! that was just filled with pictures me and my sibs drew of him!!! every time we watched! moral is I love him.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: I don't mind Luke/Wedge, because I'm the first person to have written it on ao3 apparently I also like Lando/Wedge (hey I'm a sucker for rare pairs), and of course Wedge/Iella

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Wedge and Tycho

My unpopular opinion about this character: look, I hate what Disney did with character, I can't stand Rebels version of him at all tbh, I can't stand they made him Imperial at first

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: disney leave him along but also put me in charge of the rogue squadron anything, please god

Favorite friendship for this character: Wedge and pretty much the whole rogue squadron, I miss them lexi....

My crossover ship: Wedge/B'Elanna from Star Trek: Voy, no I will not explain

[the-nexus]

... he was serious. Fuck, he was SERIOUS.

Alastor's expression still does well to MASK his reservations about this sudden twist of events, but his ears shift to lay flat, his tail wagging. Two different emotions reflected -- rare trepidation, but also, happiness.

" Dandelulu, you... you know I love you, You know I would do EVERYTHING for you, without question, and I cannot say that about very many people. " He's a selfish man, this Alastor, and he knows it. May try to convince others that he has their best interests at heart, but at the end of the day, everything he does is with some personal benefit, or gain, in mind. With Lucifer? It's all out of love for the king. Love that Alastor thought he would never, EVER experience, even before he got his just desserts and ended up here in hell.

Brushing a finger against the spot over Lucifer's heart, admittedly somewhat soothed by the way it thrummed 'neath his palm, Alastor sighs. " My beloved, I--- "

" Oh your MAJESTYYYYYYYYY~ "

A terrible, TAUNTING call bellows from the corridor, and once pinned back ears perk in alarm as he hears FIGHTING soon to follow. Shit, shit, shit, they're already here? Where is Charlie?!

" What did they do, deliver the note and then sit outside immediately thereafter, counting to 100!? " Growling, Alastor soon parts, brandishing his weapon and readying himself to seek out Charlie so they can make their escape, per the king's orders... but, first...

He sets a palm flat against Lucifer's chest, pushing him, aggressively, backwards and against the wall. Lips hungrily claim the other's, as Alastor drops his weapon momentarily to cup the king's cheeks, deepening the kiss. " Yes. I'll marry you, you idiotic man with... TERRIBLE taste. Use that as fuel to stay alive, will you? Because if I return and you have been harmed... well, all hell is going to break loose, and I DO mean that quite literally~ "

@radiodaemon

Oh, the wait for his answer was absolute torture. Would Alastor accept it? Would his beloved, ever-loyal knight agree to take the king's hand in marriage and choose to spend the rest of his afterlife with Lucifer? Or would he be denied...? Could it be possible that Lucifer was moving too fast? May have ruined all hope of having Alastor as his own forever? No doubt the timing was horrible, but he had to know!

Finally, it seemed he would get his answer. But, yet again, timing was not on his side. Just as Alastor was speaking to put the king's much painful wait to an end, a wretched voice calls out to him, interrupting what he'd been awaiting. Teeth gritted as he turned towards the door.

"Fuck—How are they here?!" He'd only received the note but minutes ago! There had to be a spy hidden within the palace. Someone had to have let them in, sheltering and hiding them until Lucifer had read the letter. But he would investigate this matter at a later time.

As his back hit the wall, he grunted, lifting his head to speak, only for his lips to be taken in a kiss. Not like any kiss he and Alastor shared in the past. No, he could feel more passion in this one, his cheeks almost ignited by the head of his demon lover's beautiful hands. His hands gripped Alastor's coat.

And he received his much anticipated answer.

He. Said. Yes. Oh, if he were in a position to cry, he would, but he struggled so hard to contain his emotions that were flowing from his heart. The smile that illuminated his face would shame the very sun itself. "Nothing is going to keep me from marrying you. So, you had best keep yourself alive as well, do you hear me?" And for added measure, Lucifer sank his teeth into his own tongue, drawing Alastor in for another desperate, loving kiss, slathering his blood across every corner of his lover's mouth.

Lucifer would have loved to spare more blood, but their time was up. A shadow was cast over them from the windows beside them and the blond pulled from the kiss to cast his gaze upon it. Beelzebub had returned, Charlie carefully held in her hands. Lucifer turned back to Alastor, stroking his face.

"Keep my daughter safe and come back to me alive." One last kiss. "Go." He pointed to the windows. He knew Bee would take them outside the kingdom and return to defend the king. His heart couldn't help but ache, having to watch the love of his life depart, but it was for their protection.

And he had more reason to live. He had his demon knight to marry.

[dearest-kibble]

Can I request headcanons for yandere Bakugou, Todoroki and Deku where they have been leaving their darlings voicemails proclaiming their love and whatnot and seeing as they're not reacting badly to it, their darling must be happy. Turns out they haven't heard any of it because they don't know how to access their voicemail

Oh gosh oh gosh I love this concept??? Thank you for requesting! 

Okay so,,, these get a little unhinged real quick because i am in a mood so!

Tw: Dacryphilia, degradation, stalking, yandere relationships, unhealthy relationships,  (Maybe?? just in case,,,) dumbification, lots of cussing (Thanks katsuki.) They’re all pretty abusive,,, Midoriya’s gets a little n/sfw-ish? Like just motions of moans but,, to be safe also panty stealing. I love these boys so much so i’ll make them terrible,,, as a treat.

All of these characters are third years!

So here now, we have a temperamental one.

And no, it’s not Katsuki.

It’s Shoto.

Half cold, half hot.

He’s easy to anger. If you say the wrong thing, well you’re in for it.

But, he likes you.

You’re always smiling at him.

He knows that you smile at others but there has to be something to smiling at him, right?

People tell him he’s handsome, they tell him he looks good. Women ask for his number.

So you smile at him because you like him.

So he’ll dote on you a little.

He has your number. He paid someone for it.

And he’s been leaving you just about the nicest things he could.

He loves talking to you, even if he doesn’t quite feel comfortable talking to you face to face.

And he just loves telling you how sweet you look for him. How cute your voice sounds and how he just loves you.

“I’ll make sure to marry you one day. You’ll have anything you want.”

“You looked so sweet in that outfit today, once we’re married, I’ll get you something like it. Would you like that? I’ll make sure you have the nicest clothing for when you walk down the isle, goodbye.”

“Your voice is stuck in my head, I can’t wait until I can hear your voice all day in our house together. Goodbye, I can’t wait to see you.”

“When we have a child, you’ll be a wonderful parent. I love you, goodbye.”

“You’ll marry me, right? Goodbye darling, say yes.”

And well, Shoto wasn’t being told to stop, but you weren’t talking to him.

At all.

And so, he tries to ask you about it after class, in the dorms when you two are in the common room.

Luckily for Shoto, you’re the only one there.

You send him a quick smile as you see him sitting in the corner, before you return to stretching.

It makes his heart stop - just for a few seconds - before hastily standing up and walking towards you.  

“Why haven’t you said yes?” He’s got that intense sound in his voice, like it’s as important as finding a villain.

“Yes to what?” You’re still stretching as you look up into his eyes.

It’s clear to him that you don’t have a clue. And really, that shouldn’t make him angry. It’s irrational to think that you’ve been deliberately ignoring him. But who doesn’t check their voicemail?

“The messages I’ve left you, why haven’t you responded to any of them, don’t you love me?” Shoto feels as calm as ever.

You’ve stopped stretching. Expression blank as you attempt to process whatever is going through your head.

“Of course I love you!” And your smile is back. Shoto nods, of course you love him, he can give you whatever you nee- “You’re one of my friends!”

Oh.

“Oh.” Ice begins to melt beneath his flesh

“I don’t know what messages you’re talking about though, did you ask Sero for my number? Class notes, right?”

You can’t not know how to check your voicemail. No one is that stupid.

“The messages I left you. You must’ve checked them.”

“I’m uhh..” You laugh a little. Normally it’d make him blush. “I don’t know how to check them. Sorry Todo...”

“You know exactly what I am talking about.” The look you give him is nothing but confused.

“I... don’t, could you explain it to me?”

“You wouldn't need this explanation if you just talked to me.”

“Sorry Todoroki, I didn’t know you wanted to talk.” You’re a good actor, because there's no way you didn’t know he wanted to talk to you, to marry you.

“I’ll show you.” He grabs you hand and yank you off the ground. “Give me your phone.”

“Wha-” You shiver.

“Your phone. Give it to me.” You hand it over without hesitation. “Good.”

It doesn’t take long for him to find the messages he left. 

“How do you know my password?” He ignores your question.

He opens the most recent message he left. Just this morning.

“Good morning. I want you to know, that our marriage won’t be a quirk marriage. I can’t wait to see what you’ll look like in the dress i have picked out, I love you. Goodbye.” 

“Todo-” 

“Shoto. I’m going to be your husband.” 

“I- give me some time to process-”

“You have had plenty of time to process. So you must’ve been ignoring me.”

“I haven’t!” It’s adorable how desperately you try to lie. You’re quite good at it. 

“Be quiet.” His voice is devoid of emotion. “You can’t go around ignoring your future husband like that. Now we’re going to have a nice, long chat about this in my room.

“But Todoro-”

“You will call me Shoto.” He sends a flare of ice up your arm.

“Shoto! You’re name is Shoto and I-” Your free hand scratches desperately at the ice. 

“Desperately trying to get me to remove the ice.” He gives you a cold smile. “Once you really learn your lesson, that won’t happen again. Got it?”

You nod. Tears dripping down your cheeks. 

“You wouldn’t be crying if you didn’t ignore me.” He pets your hair. “Now, I’m more than a friend to you, right love?”

“Of course Shoto! I love you more tha-”

“Then smile like you do.” You look like you’re helpless with those tears in your eyes though. 

You try, you really do but this is where your acting prowess stops. It’s not a cute, sweet thing like normal. No, it’s ugly and contorted.

“Try again.” Practice makes perfect. “That isn’t what I asked for.”

You wipe your tears with your free hand. He should’ve frozen them both. You’d have to learn to rely on Shoto sooner or later. You take a deep breathe and fix your face into that adorable little smile you gave Shoto.

“Was that so hard?” He brings a chilled hand to your face to wipe away a tear that had gotten away from you. “Come, we’ll talk in my room. Once your arm melts, we’ll see if you’ve learned your lesson.” 

Katsuki only has your number for study sessions, he swears.

Your friends don’t believe it no matter how loud he yells.

Probably for good reason.

You’re not doing nearly as poor as Kirishima in terms of grades, and you weren’t a bad note taker either. So the fact that Bakugou still invited you to study and the fact that he seemed a little extra harsh on you?

Your friends find it a little strange.

But Bakugou also calls Kirashima “Shitty Hair” so it’s not really out of character for him to tell you how much of a dumbs you are for getting from point A to B in a different way than normal. 

Hell, Bakugou does it the way too.

He tells you it’s because you’re “A shitty extra who’s just trying to be better than me!”

Which, to be fair, checks out with how he treats the rest of the class.

So he’s fine.

Your friends are just a little paranoid that’s all.

And he can understand that. After all, who wouldn’t want to protect you?

He even leaves you little messages. He thinks they speak for themself.

“You got bruised today when you were trying that shitty new move of yours. Be more god-damn carful next time!”

“Hey. Why aren’t you at our study sessions? Shitty Hair isn’t as stupid as you and he actually understands the material. I’m stuck here for another damn hour if you don’t- Oi! Pick up the fucking phone you shit head!”

“Fuck, I went a little far with the last message. I saw your new cut. Did you get it from a shitty piece of paper? You’re a fucked up excuse for a hero if you got beat by a piece of paper. Don’t worry doll, once I’m with you, I’ll kiss it all better.”

He leaves countless messages a day. 

You haven’t even thought about them he bets.

Your brain might as well be a cows, you’re so fucking stupid. 

“Oi! Cow brain! Talk to me.” He doesn’t dare drag you over. You’re still delicate even if you have the mental capacity of a shrew.

“One second Bakugou, I’m going to talk to Mr. Aizawa about mastering my quirk.”

You haven’t even figured out how to master your quirk? So fucking useless. But he waits for about fifteen minutes outside the door. 

“We need to have a study session.”

“Why? I’m doing pretty well, aren’t I?”

“Not with that stupid burn mark you got from sparring with the laser extra!”

“Aoyama?”

“Fuckin Aoyama.” Little blond bitch is trying to hurt you. 

“I’m fine Bakugou, i’m going to be a hero I should get used to a few cuts and burns, with the villain climate,”

“The fucks a villain climate?” You don’t even know that climate is used for weather. You really are a stupid pig. Someone needs to save your bacon, huh?

“The way villains are at the-” Damn your eyes look like a deers’

“I know what a villain climate is!”

“So, you pulled me aside to study, right?”

“At least you remember that.” Any smart person would’ve figured out that was a lie though. “But you’re a fucking idiot for thinking that was the case. You’ve been getting my notes, you know how fuckin worried I am about you getting hurt.”

“You worry about me getting hurt?” Your mind really did move like molasses. 

“Pretty fuckin slow on the uptake there sweetheart.” 

“You’ve been sending me messages?” Oh fuck. You’re even dumber than a cow. 

“Are you completely braindead? I’ve been calling you a dumbass for months,” 

“I don’t know how to open my voicemail, not my fault technology is confusing baku-”

“No one is that fucking dumb!” 

“Bakugou, you’re yelling.”

“No Shit?! I wouldn’t need to be if you actually understood anything that I’m telling you! It’s not that fucking hard to understand you just open your damn phone, and click on those stupid ass red icons on the phone app.” If you weren’t so delicate and in need of keeping safe, he’d punch you.

“Oh uhh- Bakugou? Did you mean to play these?”

“Fuck no I didn't.” Maybe he’s a little obvious. But not so obvious that you’d pick up on it.

“I uhh really think I love you? Maybe it’s cause you're such a fucking dumbs that I can’t stand that you get hurt. It’s painful to see. Shit. I hate that I love you. Just die already.” Katsuki in the phone sounds like he’s gone soft. Can’t have that.

“Bakugou, it isn’t very heroic to tell someone to go d-”

“That’s the thing your shitty mind picks up on?” You’re such a cute little doll. “I just told you that I loved yo-”

“Even more of a reason to report you. Two pro heroes shouldn’t have a relationship, it’s unprofessional.”

“Your stupid ass really thinks you’re gonna be a hero? You can’t even go a round with Aoyama without getting a burn. Nah baby, you’re gonna be at home, well protected and away so that you don’t have a chance to fuck something up.”

“I’m going to be a hero Bakugou.”

“I tell you that I’m gonna keep you at home, away from everything and everyone and you’re concerned with being a hero? Dumb as hell.” 

“Bakugou, you seem to be especially mean to me-”

“Fuck it. You wanna get a shitty Lunch Rush meal?” Oh it’d be so easy to drug you up. You probably don’t even think about people who might drug your food. You're just a stupid little doll.

Midoriya really likes stalking you, okay?

You’re cute, a real old family friend and really sweet too.

You were absolutely ecstatic when his mom held that dinner to celebrate his quirk’s manifestation.

He almost told you the truth about All For One.

Big developments should be shared with the people you love, right?

Course he never really got your number cause he’s a little bit shy, but.

You won’t mind if he finds it in your house, right?

He’s been there countless times before, so it’s not like this is anything big or new or a groundbreaking development. 

It’s just, he’s here at night now, and you’re asleep. And so are your parents. 

But he’s quiet, don’t worry! He’s not gonna wake anyone up. It’s a hero’s duty to make sure that others are okay, and that includes getting the proper amount of sleep!

So he makes his way around your house with a nervous shuffle. 

How can he be calm when you’re sleeping just mere rooms away? It’s very distracting with you on the bed, just splayed out for him to watch and look at while you dream. 

Sometimes you moan. 

He likes to think he caused that.

He’s a little disgusted to think it, but he’s a little pent up. All the time

And you just look so cute on top of that bed-

But he came here for a phone number, and he’s gonna get one. 

Besides, he’s going to be the number one hero, a symbol of peace! He can’t sully All-Might’s legacy with dirty thoughts!

So he finds your phone charging on a chest of drawers in your room. 

After a few seconds of watching you sleep.

And oh you look good in a tank top and shorts, eyes closed and-

He picks up your phone to distract himself.

You were really trusting, weren’t you? You didn’t even have a lock on your phone.  

He’d hug you if you wouldn’t wake up from his cold skin.

He’d do more than hug you-

Nope, not gonna think about that and Midoriya hates himself a little for looking through your drawer to find where you keep your panties. 

There a lot of pairs to choose from, colored, patterned, laced... So many, pretty kinds of panties.

He settles for a pure, white pair. It’s plain. You won’t miss it.

After he pockets the guilt-inducing panties, he once again sets his sight on your phone.

Once again, he opens it, tries to find where you’ve put your contact information, and quickly duplicates it for his own device,

“Goodnight Bunny! Sleep well!” Oh what he wouldn’t give to kiss you goodnight.

After that, he decides to send you a few messages. They’re quick, innocent, sweet. He almost recorded himself cumming in your panties.

That morning, he wakes up bright and early, with even more energy than normal. He send you a good morning message, and moves on to stretch before class. 

He isn’t late but the only notes he can take in classes are those about your sleeping habits.

You snore, you like to sleep on your left side rather than your right, meaning Midoriya is the little spoon, and you like to sleep in tank tops which means Midoriya has to start wearing them.

When lunch rolls around, before Midoriya meets with Iida and Ururaka he sends you a quick update.

He should probably return your panties,

After he washes them, of course. 

He returns that night to your house with a notebook he’s decided to dedicate to you and your shared love story.

He checks your phone again and debates playing the recordings back to you in your sleep, or waiting for you to find his sweet surprise.

You’ve always likes surprises, you’d love one from him!

He looks at your panty drawer again.

It takes most of his willpower not to take another pair.

“Goodnight! Sleep well bunny!”

He makes a swift exit and leaves another message.

He repeats the process for several days and maybe it’s his imagination, but you sleep with a smile on your face now!

He wonders if it’s the returned panties that did it, or his messages.  

Sunday is date night for your parents, and it’s U.A’s day off. It’s like the stars have aligned themselves for Izuku Midoriya and your love.

He’s going to ask if you like his messages and if you’d like him to start texting you.

After five days of sneaking in the night, finally Izuku can knock on your door and see the light shining on your perfect face.

He knocks on the door, dressed in casual clothes. 

You answer in an All-Might hoodie and Izuku imagines it’s his All-Might hoodie.

“Oh! Hey Midoriya! Parents are out now, would you like to come in?”

“Oh uh! Yes please!” Even if he’d imagined this playing out so much, he can’t help the nervous tick of his hands. He’s so so close to you.

The door stays open until Izuku walks through, It’s nice to come in the front, and not a window.

You begin leading him towards the kitchen, hang a left out of the foyer. 

“I just started some chicken nuggets, hopefully I made enough for you,” You spin around suddenly. “I don’t know why, but I don’t think I have your number.”

That means you haven’t listened to any of his messages then? Izuku’s smile drops.

“Oh it’s nothing personal, I just never thought of giving it to you before, agues i should’ve considering how long we’ve known each other. I didn’t mean to make you look so sad Doriya, here its...”

Would he have to show you his messages? Would he have to make you see how much he loved you?

But that... sounded so violent! So villainous. It wouldn’t be right.

“Hey..” You put a hand on his shoulder. It fits perfectly. “You got that Doriya?”

“Yes!” His smile isn’t hard to regain with your hand so warm on him.

“Nuggets are done too! How many you want?”

“Oh, I’m actually, not- that hungry.”

“Any reason?”

“In my-” What did should he  — that’s got to work. “In my most recent work-study, there’s this case where someone is leaving voicemails to their targets,” But that makes him sound more villainous  than he wanted to.

“Oh shit really?” You look very cute with your wide eyes. 

“Uhm, yes?” It’s a terrible lie and anyone could pick it up if they weren’t so good and kind and trusting - and oh no.

It just had to make him sound like a villain.

“I’ve been getting some voicemails recently, and if it’s evidence or anything, do you need to take a look?”

“No,” He can feel the sweat dripping from his face. “It’s ah, fine?”

“Midoriya, if I have evidence and I don’t bring it in, wouldn’t that make me an accomplice?”

“Technically-” But if you knew they were from him why would you think they were an accomplice- you thought he didn’t have your number. 

You hadn’t heard those messages.

“Do you know is it’s evidence?”

“Well I can’t actually open m voicemail but if it’s anything, you can teach me, right?

“Of course!” He offers a hand to take the phone. “You just -” He taps a few things, “There!”

And you two listen to them. Izuku has such a big smile on his face.

“Good morning! I hope you feel great today! I’m going to do the best i can today, and i know you will too! I love you!”

“I’m about to at lunch, i wonder what you’re having. Maybe one day, we can cook together? Love you, have a nice meal!” 

“I’m about to get ready to come see you tonight, if you want to, stay up! I want to kiss you goodnight! Love you Bunny!”

“What is this?”

“I’m a little embarrassed, but it’s like the voicemails said! I love you, morning noon and night!”

“Midoriya, have you — oh god is that where my panties went?” The anger in your voice hurts him. “Get out.”

“Bunny I-”

“Get out of my house Midoriya. Before I call a real hero.”

“I love you!” 

“You don’t love me, you like my panties and an idea you’ve cultivated because we were never really that close.”

“I’ve known you since i was-”

“Yes, you have, but it’s our parents who are friends - not us. If we were friends, by now I’d call you Izuku.” And like that the notebook of his brain that’s pages were being torn out and stomped on were being sewn back in by a practiced hand.

“You can call me Izuku, if you want.”

“Midoriya, i’m telling you, get out and I won’t report you. You could get your license revoked. You don’t want that.”

“But-”

“Leave.” The way you stood your ground was very admirable. 

He makes a mental note, you are trusting, sweet, kind and headstrong. 

He can work with those. 

He’s suddenly glad he only returned one pair of panties.

He’ll get to visit you again real soon.

-- 

HOLY SHIT DID THAT TAKE FOREVER TO GET Through. I rewrote Shoto’s part five time but im pretty happy with it. Overall I think Bakuboi’s is the best.,., and Izuku,,, my poor deku,,, yours is.... interesting. Anyway thank you for the patience of the requester! And for also requesting these three lovely lads. Oh boy,,, time for some smut coming up... 

[ssamie]

eleven. “get your girl!”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist.     suicide freak!

"was our sleepover fun, kenma-kun?" she chirped

"no. your place had suicidal traps and schemes littered all around" kenma sighed

she laughed at him as he continued to put on his shoes. kenma was forced to stay with her last night as per her request. and, of course, true to her word, they had loads of fun.

"it wasn't that bad" she pouted playfully

"there was a toaster in your bathtub, so i couldn't take a proper bath. and the only 'food' you have is a bottle of muriatic acid and candy" kenma deadpanned

"hey, i offered to feed you a full course meal!" she defended

"y-your body does not count!" kenma argued back. a faint pink hue was sploched on his cheeks as he refused to look at her.

"well whatever, let's go meet the others before we head out" she said. as the pair made their way to the agency's office, atsushi was already there along with kunikida. kenji was sleeping while ranpo was just munching on his snacks, like usual.

"good morning!" she chirped out in a la-di-da tone

"good morning, y/n-san" atsushi greeted back with a warm smile

"goomorwing" ranpo mumbled back, though it was muffled by the snacks in his mouth

"hehe, kunikida-kun~" she cooed out "were gonna head out now, kunikida-kun! we're borrowing your wallet for some pancakes on the way~"

kunikida clicked his tounge and stood up from his chair. he stomped over to her and snatched the wallet that somehow made its way into her hands. "no way in hell, you bandage-squandering-machine!" kunikida exclaimed

kenma simply stretched his arm out for her to fall onto as she dramatically screamed and stumbled back  "agh!" she exclaimed as she recoiled into an unamused kenma's chest

"n-nice nickname there, kunikida-kun" she let out a strained laugh "that stung... just a little"

"tch, if you got so much time wandering around then you might as well write a report about your capture by the port mafia" kunikida said

she chuckled lowly and spun around, only to be found sporting a serious and aloof expression "atsushi-kun." she called out

"yes?" atsushi perked up, his dual-toned eyes sparkling with determination

"write the report for me." she commanded in a serious tone

"hah?" atsushi huffed out

"well then, kenma-kun and i will be going! bye-bye~" she cooed as she waved them goodbye. kenma waved at them as they stepped out of the agency's office.

"oi! you better be back here after school, brat!" kunikida shouted. though his words were faint since they were already running off.

"well then, ready for school kenma?" she cooed

"no, i just wanna relax" kenma grumbled

"wasn't last night enough relaxation, pudding?" she mused with a sly smirk

"no, it wasn't" kenma shuddered "i told you i wasn't down to have ˢᵉˣ and yet-"

"oh, look at that! isn't that chuuya~" she cut him off with a playful grin "it seems he's not alone, akutagawa-kun is looking real tall compared to him" she hummed

by now kenma was just confused, frustrated and lowkey scared. "literally what?" he muttered "akutagawa..?" kenma muttered. "wait- isn't that the port mafia guy in the news?!" he whisper shouted

"he's still coughing up his lung like its no one's business" she chuckled as she waved her hand around "that boy really needs to invest in an inhaler or something.. or maybe some water will do.." she muttered to herself

kenma chose to ignore her as he simply tugged her arm and ran away towards the station. they scurried away all while trying not to be seen by the two men. "are you crazy?! weren't those the guys that took you?" kenma whisper shouted

"i remember you mentioning an akutagawa last night" he sighed "and not to mention that chuuya guy was there too."

"they're harmless" she reassured with a smile

"they're in the port mafia." kenma deadpanned "actually, can we please discuss the fact that you're affiliated with the mafia-"

"no." she said with a smile

"anyways, we should go.. nekomata-san said something about cleaning out the gym lockers"

kenma gaped at her as she started walking further, leaving him behind. all while sporting that goofy grin, acting as if she didn't just come across two mafiosos.

"fine, whatever.."

"what happened to you yesterday , y/n-senpai?" lev asked with a small smile

"oh nothing, lev" she chuckled dismissively "i just had a psychic tell me that if i jumped into the river near the village, my death would be guaranteed." she hummed out with a nod “so i decided to try it out" she grinned

"woah!! so did it work?" lev asked back

"lev you fucking idiot" yaku sighed

kuroo watched them and laughed along, leaving lev to fend for himself as yaku kicked his back. kuroo nudged kenma with his elbow, smirking suggestively as he wiggles his brows

"what kuroo." kenma sighed "soo.. how'd it go with your lady? hm?" kuroo grinned teasingly

kenma flushed a bright pink and buried his face into the collars of his jacket, so only his eyes could be seen. "i-it was.. yeah-" he stammered

"oya oya~ what's this supposed to mean?" kuroo sneered

"it means kenma here is a real treat in be-" she was cut off as kenma slapped her with the mop "no!" kenma shrieked flusteredly "were going away now!" was the only thing he said before dragging the girl into the lockerooms

"WHAT THE HELLSNKAKAJA" the team laughed and hollered as kuroo burst out into his hyena cackle

"wow kenma! you could've killed me with that mop" she laughed "do it again!"

"KYANMA IS ALL GROWN UP NOW!" kuroo laugh-cried "KYANMAAA HOW COULD YOU?! I WAS GONNA MARRY Y/N-CHAANN" yamamoto cried out

"stop teasing him guys, he'll get mad" kai sweatdropped as he tried to ease the team down

"yeah...so how's it feel to be one-upped by your best friend, mr.chemistry nerd?" yaku sneered as he held in his laughs

kuroo immediately stopped laughing as he sent yaku an unamused glare "HAH?! SHUT UP YOU GENETIC ANOMALY!" kuroo yelled at him

completely ignoring their loud voices, kenma and y/n arrived in the lockeroom and proceeded with the cleaning "i can't believe that just happened" kenma shook his head disappointingly

she chuckled and patted his back as they started cleaning out the lockers. "aww, don't be so down kenma-kun" she cooed

"i'll help you clean the lockers if that makes you feel better" she said as she hugged him from behind

"stop hugging me" kenma hissed at her "and that doesn't make me feel better because it's your job in the first place"

"anyways, look at lev's locker!" she said with an innocent whistle as she opened the locker.

"oya oya" she mumbled "lev is truly adorable.. but kind of.. strange, per say"

"what is it?" kenma asked. she snickered and pulled out an ungodly amount of cat food packed in tupperwares.

"what the hell." kenma sweat dropped "does he eat that or something?" kenma muttered while scrunching up his face

"i'd hope not, but let's leave this here" she chuckled "any ways.. how about checking out my locker?" she suggested with a smile as she skipped over to the locker in the furthest row

"aren't you curious to see what's in my locker, kenma-kun?" she cooed tauntingly

kenma sighed but followed her anyways "sure. part of me is, part of me isn't" he said

"here we go.." she paused dramatically as she pulled on the handle "tada!" she exclaimed as she slammed it open, presenting him a noose tied to a piece of wood which was stuck at the top.

"what the hell?!" kenma shrieked

"its a y/n-style suicide corner locker!" she announced excitedly

"i thought so, but that's creepy!" kenma exclaimed "not even the lockers are suicide-free"

"why?" kenma grumbled

"well you see, it's actually very convenient" she said "tip it over once you're done, and it instantly turns into a coffin!" she giggled menicingly

kenma sighed as he eyed her locker and her awfully enthusiastic grin. "please don't try to sell it to me like some time-saving product" he said

she then huffed out a breath of air and slyly smirked as she pushed the locker close "geez, im getting bored.. aren't you, kenma?" she said with an exaggerated sigh

"you show off your locker and now you're content?!" kenma scoffed in disbelief

she grinned mischievously and skipped away "why don't we ditch this place and go have some ramen?" she proposed

"we just got here like two hours ago" kenma said "and im pretty sure nekomata-san won't let us go just like that"

"aw, cmon! come with me, kenma-kun~ i wanna eat with you~" she whined out

"fine, fine" kenma groaned "just cover for me if i end up getting scolded"

"of course!" she beamed at him. she then threw away the unused cleaning supplies, confidently striding out the door, leaving the locker room as dirty as it was before

"oya oya~ did you have fun in there?" kuroo asked teasingly

"yup!" she replied "in fact, we had so much fun that we decided to expand our dopamine-inducing activities all the way into the ramen shop downtown!"

the team sweat dropped as she started shamelessly marching off to the gym's exit, dragging along kenma, who now had his nose buried in his game

"wait, y/n-san" nekomata stopped her. she froze mid step and slowly turned back around, sending the coach a nervous smile "yes?" she asked

"before you go, we need to discuss a few things for future tournaments" nekomata said "were gonna need some new tactics, so maybe you can suggest something?" he said

"hmm, i'll do some research later on" she hummed out

"but we're gonna be playing against fukurodani and nohebi then right?" shibayama chimed in "oooh~ i've never heard of this 'nohebi' you speak of" she cooed out in amusement

"i would've guessed" kuroo said "daisho's face would be enough to kill you, it's crazy!" he chuckled

y/n's eyes glimmered as she shook kenma's shoulders excitedly "seriously?!"

"no, and that was supposed to be a bad thing" kuroo chuckled, a fond smile resting on his lips as he watched her deflate at his words

"oh, i've got it!" she piped up "i know what we should do!" she smirked up at the team, her eyes basically sparkling as she looked at them as if she held all the answers in the world.

"let's just give up and die" she exclaimed

nekoma looked at her with blank smiles, nodding along as her confident smile never leaves her lips "let's not do that" nekomata butted in "instead, we need to practice more"

"so kenma, y/n.. since you two are going out anyways, go ahead and buy the team some snacks when you return"

while nodding enthusiastically, she practically bolted out of the gym, dragging kenma along by his collar like a cat

"y/n, let go of me" kenma grumbled as he struggled to play his game

she simply ignored him and took one of his hands anyway. she intertwined their fingers while she swings their arms back and forth

"i lost" kenma sighed in defeat as he pocketed his phone he looked down at their hands and smiled, letting her swing their arms around like a child while she sings some strange 'suicide song'

"are you sure you're supposed to be wandering around after what happened to you?" kenma asked "i mean, i didn't believe you at first about the mafia thing, but obviously you weren't lying.."

she chuckled and shook her head "oh please" she sneered "what do you expect is gonna happen? you really think they'd approach me in broad daylight-"

she cut herself off as she saw chuuya and akutagawa walking towards their direction

"nevermind. they are indeed approaching me in broad daylight"

kenma didn't react much, but his hand squeezed hers tighter and he ducked his head down in a way of hiding himself. y/n glanced worriedly at him before meeting eyes with chuuya

"kenma, is running from mafiosos perhaps listed in your bucket list?" she asked playfully

"no.. why-"

"well then cross that shit off because we're gonna need to run"

"i wanna go back" kenma panted out "all this running isn't good for my teenager body" he whined

"we ran like three blocks, kenma" she laughed softly

"thats too much" he pouted

they finally arrived at their initial destination, the ramen shop which they planned to eat at. "im so tired" kenma muttered as he rested his head on the table. while, across from him, y/n was sat, playing with the ends of his faux blond hair while she waits for their food to arrive

"ma'am, sir, here's your food!" the waitress announced as she stands before them, holding a tray of two ramens

"thank you, belladonna~" y/n cooed at her, making the girl giggle

"damn. didn't know girls like her were your type" kenma commented as he loudly slurps at his noodles. he narrowed his eyes at her, grumbling to himself while y/n unbotherdly eats her food

"well, i like all women kenma-kun" she said "but she, especially, looked like someone to agree on a double suicide"

"what about men." he asked

"it depends" she shrugged "for example, you would probably never say yes to a double suicide proposal.."

"but i bear with it because you're cute <3"

"oh okay."

a wave of comfortable silence washed over them as they continued eating, with y/n blurting out jokes here and then

"kenma-kun.." she suddenly piped up, her tone was guarded, almost as if she was on edge "yes..?" kenma answered back hesitantly

"it seems there's something inevitable in my agenda" she sighed

"huh? what is it?" kenma asked worriedly

she then stood up and smiled sheepishly at him "i gotta go to the bathroom!" she exclaimed. kenma deadpanned, though he sighed in relief as he watched her make her way to the comfort room

just as he was about to pull out his phone, somebody had cleared their throat. well, it was more like coughing for half a minute straight, but let's not get into that.

"so it's you." akutagawa muttered in a low tone

"um.. can i help you.." kenma muttered back nervously

he gulped as he fiddled with his twitching hands. it was no mistaking that the man dressed in all black was akutagawa himself. he's made quite a name for himself after appearing in quite a few news articles and headlines.

"i don't get what y/n-san sees in you" akutagawa scoffed

kenma furrowed his brows but didn't say anything back. his glare alone was enough to leave him shaking in displeasure and anxiety. kenma could feel akutagawa's hatred, anger, and jealousy practically eating at him.

"tch. first that wretched tiger, and now you. as far as my respect goes for her, this is just sad." akutagawa said with a scowl "her standards in subordinates and companions have gone down the drain." akutagawa sighed

kenma took in a breath of air and opened his mouth to speak. "um.. are you-"

"dont speak to me, you pest" akutagawa snarled at him "your existence is not only a disgrace to society, but your presence around me is displeasing and disgusts me to the core."

kenma didn't speak after that. why would he? this actual criminal just called him a pest and a disgrace, after all.

in all honesty, all kenma could think about was:

'what is with that vocabulary?'

"oh my, couldn't you tell this was the ladies bathroom?" she chuckled as she made eye contact with chuuya through the mirror "or were you too short to see the sign?" she teased

chuuya scoffed and locked the bathroom doors, making sure no one was inside and that no one could enter.

"what do you want, chuuya?" she asked, her bubbly smile dropping as she leaned back against the sink

"isn't it obvious?" chuuya replied

"no not really" she shrugged, laughing under her breath as she eyes him suggestively "is it because you wanna make out? go for a quickie? or-"

"SHUT UP! as if i'd wanna do that with you!" chuuya yelled at her

"oh please, you act as if i'd want to as well" she scoffed "the only thing i actually like about you is maybe your taste in shoes" she hummed

chuuya blinked dumbfoundedly at her words, as he looked down to inspect his shoes. "you think?" he muttered quietly

"just kidding, ofcourse" she sneered

"you-!" chuuya yelled in aggravation as he went in to kick her head, but sadly missed as she ducked down

"give it up" she sighed "just tell me what you want and let's leave each other be" she said

chuuya clicked his tongue and pulled out a back envelope sealed with wax. "boss wants to give you this." he said, handing her the envelope "said something about claiming back your place as executive"

she smiled in amusement as she inspected the paper. "is that so.." she trailed off. she turned around to turn the tap on, letting the water run as she placed the envelope under it, letting it soak and slowly break away.

"well, tell mori-san that i appreciate the welcoming invitation, but i'd have to say no" she said

chuuya's eye twitched at her answer, feeling himself feel dissatisfied and angered. "tch, what the hell, asshole?" chuuya exclaimed as he grabbed her by the collar of her nekoma uniform

"oya? is something wrong, chuuya?" she asked calmly

"why won't you come back?! you're gonna waste your damn life rotting away in that agency!" he exclaimed with gritted teeth "you'll have everything back in the mafia! why won't you come back!"

"we can be partners again!"

she didn't answer, but simply stood still, letting him crumple her shirt in his balled fists as he let out ragged breaths. the sound of the still running water filled the air.

"chuuya.."

she sighed and pried his hands off of her, turning around to turn off the faucet before facing him once again. "i joined the agency in accordance to a dear friend's advice." she said "i was told i'd find a my reason to keep living, and more so the path to clear my mind of evil and good."

"being with you again would most definitely be wonderful"

chuuya looked up at her, his throat drying up as he watched her take off a small golden star pin from her school tie. he didn't stop her as she started placing it on his coat. nor did he stop her when she placed a small kiss on the back of his hand.

"but maybe in another life, we could be partners once more" she chuckled

"that pin suits you" she said "it matches with your hair. keep it on, alright?"

it was all she said before walking off, opening the door and closing it behind her, leaving him alone with the faint sounds of dripping water. chuuya looked in the mirror, fiddling with the pin with his hands.

"tch. another life, my ass" he scowled, wiping off the tears that brimmed his eyes

"why the hell do i have to wait that long?"

as she stepped out of the comfort room, she walked back to the table she and kenma were sitting at, only to find him literally itching to run off. as kenma made eye contact with her, he immediately grabbed her arm and pulled her out the door

"woah woah! calm your horses, pudding" she chuckled "what's wrong?"

"what's wrong is the fact that akutagawa came up to me and literally started degrading and insulting me???" he exclaimed

"what?" she asked with furrowed brows

"he was badmouthing me with really deep words and insults! like, i didn't even know what some of the words meant.." kenma grumbled "im so glad he left after like five minutes"

"also, what took you so long?" kenma asked her "i got caught up in a conversation with an old friend, that's all" she answered nonchalantly

"right.." kenma nodded, though he wasn't convinced. he took notice of her crinkled shirt and collar, as well as the lone pin that she always wears, which was now missing.

"y/n? can we just go back please?" kenma pleaded

"of course, kenma" she said with a smile "im sorry you had to deal with akutagawa-kun"

"its fine.. i just wanna go back" he said in a dismissive tone

the walk back to nekoma was quiet. they had stopped by a nearby gas station for some snacks to give to the boys, but other than that, no one really talked.

"im gonna ask kuroo something" kenma said before he walked off

she simply nodded with a raised brow as she watched the pudding head march up to his best friend

"y/n-senpai!" inouka called for her. shaking her head, she disregarded kenma and rushed over to the first years.

"kuroo, i need advice." kenma blurted out "oya oya? what kind of advice?" kuroo asked back

"the y/n kind" kenma groaned

"we went out to eat but at some point she went to the bathroom.." kenma started

"i asked her why she took so long, and she told me she talked to a friend. but im pretty sure it's that chuuya person"

kuroo crossed his arms as he looked at his friend questioningly "what makes you say that?" he asked

"we ran into him for a quick moment, then i saw the guy with him at the ramen shop" kenma answered vaguely

"well.. i dunno much about what happened but.." kuroo trailed off "i think theres really only one thing you could do" the bedhead captain said

"and that is?"

"confess your feelings, duh!" kuroo whisper shouted

"i-i don't have feelings for her!" kenma whisper shouted back

"you did not just say that, oh my fucking god" kuroo groaned out in aggravation "you're literally asking me for love advice because you got jealous over an old acquaintance of hers" kuroo deadpanned

"i never said i was jealous.." kenma muttered sheepishly "you don't need to say it, i could already tell" kuroo laughed at him "but seriously, kenma.." kuroo mused, a huge grin creeping up onto his lips as he slapped his hand on kenma's back

"go get your girl!"

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [obviously it's actually ages later so she clearly isn't coming back but it's also enough time that we can pretend we're fine and joke about it and that she might not reply until even later cos christmas so we feel safe to just be like nbd lol] Jimmy: *g2g Jimmy: or piss off would've worked an' all Jimmy: far as a christmas classic goes Janis: yeah, they was up Janis: you know how it goes from there Janis: didn't reckon comparing notes was gonna be any more thrilling than living it, yeah? Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby timestamped to show how early he actually was up like yep] Janis: Ouch Janis: how buzzing was he then Janis: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 scale Jimmy: off it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Where was his best mate on the scale? Janis: pretty solid and manic 😆 Janis: bit of a wobble when she had to eat her lunch and stop playing with all the shit she got Janis: but what's 😂 without some 😭 Jimmy: #same obvs Jimmy: might just be Ian's cooking making me 😭 though Janis: I'll let her know Janis: feel well reassured and #seen Janis: Sharon didn't show? Jimmy: I know, mate we're all 💔 by her empty chair Jimmy: my mum neither, funnily enough Jimmy: pisstaking lack of miracles about Janis: We did see Jesus and Santa out on it so Janis: lads aren't on top form Jimmy: if he hadn't drank the 🥛 she might've appeared, needing a bit for her ☕ Jimmy: SUCH a selfish dickhead Janis: spin the trope on it's head Janis: clever Janis: could've been picking up more 🚬 too Jimmy: she left them behind, as NYE resolutions go 🚭 is a bit cliche but Jimmy: you crack on, Debbie Janis: far as parting gifts go Janis: so so at best Jimmy: Dunno I were chuffed with it Janis: of course, birth of 😎 boy Jimmy: weren't like I could follow in her footsteps out the door Jimmy: piss poor #originstory that Jimmy: have to fake it Janis: #relatable Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: when ain't we on the same page? Janis: have to 🤞 they'd never put this shit to paper Janis: poorly written fanfic and a netflix original that tanks, fine Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Jimmy: ✔✔ Janis: nothing, obviously Jimmy: 🖋🩸 it is then Janis: can sell my soul no problem Janis: good luck cashing that one in boys Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: any organs going Jimmy: won't be doing receipts, goes without saying Janis: careful how you word that one Janis: get a bit #metoo Jimmy: open to a bit of castration, since you asked Janis: Christmas does remind you of why not to have kids, right Jimmy: if nowt else Jimmy: can't all be Libis 💔 Janis: if you wanna chat to her form an orderly queue behind your brother, like Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: 2nd choice AGAIN Janis: who else put you 🥈? Jimmy: who HASN'T, babes 😭😭😭 Janis: oh, always the bridesmaid Janis: very you Jimmy: bit weird in this context, don't reckon we can marry off kids or spread about that I wanna wife up Libi so I were avoiding it but Janis: if the baby pink/lilac dress fits darling Jimmy: baby pink like my 😳 OBVS Jimmy: can't have a clash Janis: bad enough you're the oldest and fattest, christ Jimmy: way to drag me by my unflattering weave, hun Janis: Hate for you to make a show of yourself Janis: say these things for your own good 😘 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: I get waiting til your nan is more pissed but don't forget to secure my child bride for tomorrow 😘 Janis: They said yes already Janis: leaving out your intentions, obviously Janis: not that keen to get rid of her Jimmy: we're all chuffed she ain't gotta go in the boot Janis: radio and sweets should suffice in shutting her up Janis: for a bit, anyway Janis: no miracles occurring here either Jimmy: again #same Jimmy: so much in common, me and her Janis: sorry but no one is gonna ship this one Jimmy: PROPERLY starcrossed, what a dream Jimmy: off you fuck, tah Janis: rude Janis: and you won't be able to kidnap her without my help so at least keep me on side 'til then, moron Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: know where she lives and how to shut her up so Janis: yeah, but you don't know how to call off her KILLER dog Janis: checkmate, asswipe Jimmy: I'll have a google, be alright Janis: get your face ripped off, please Janis: get rid of the need for any of this Jimmy: SO romantic, you Jimmy: I'll miss you Jimmy: but bit rude if you ain't allowed to get married without a face Jimmy: bet the tories sorted that Janis: like fuck Janis: your outside'll just reflect the monster within Janis: easier to 🔎 even for the idiots about this way Janis: she'll get saved in no time and you'll get to be behind bars like you wanna ⛓💘 Jimmy: LITERALLY can't deal with these compliments rn tbh Jimmy: or that happy ending Janis: 💦 comes but once a year Jimmy: get your 🧠💭💕 off 🎅 it's OVER, Jodie Jimmy: he's already forgotten you Janis: he's literally all I've got Janis: fuck you Jimmy: delete your 📞 history and move on Jimmy: you've got the 🎁🎁 lads are good for nowt else Janis: I believe, thanks Janis: unlike you you bitter cow Jimmy: UGH, get a grip, babes Janis: 🤢 this is far too much like talking to actual Gracie Jimmy: won't insist on a 🏆 Jimmy: nowt challenging about doing a decent impression of any of 'em Janis: bit rude you've faked being impressed before now then Jimmy: for me, I'm a well better actor than you, girl Janis: if you reckon that then my job here is done Janis: all the 🏆🏆 for me Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: yeah, that kinda day Jimmy: you gonna turn this one around for me an' all? Janis: is that what you want? Jimmy: isn't that what you want? Janis: if you're saying I reckon I always can, like a saviour complex, then nah Janis: but if you're just asking if I still want to see you, then, yeah Jimmy: if either of us would have a complex like that, it's gotta be me as a white lad, come on Janis: alright Janis: I'll come Jimmy: alright Janis: I know today is shit Janis: we don't need to pretend otherwise Jimmy: didn't reckon we were Janis: yeah Jimmy: ? Janis: It is a stupid question Janis: but aside from the obvious, are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: Yeah, pretty much Janis: so what's wrong? Jimmy: how much of the obvious are we putting aside? Janis: that the kids would be a bit gutted about your mum and the food and craic from your dad would be a bit shit Janis: in a nutshell Janis: so go on Jimmy: I'll live Janis: you don't wanna tell me, do you Jimmy: nowt to tell, it's shit, you already said it Janis: okay Jimmy: if you can believe in 🎅 you can take my word for it Janis: I am Janis: okay means 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we don't need to have an entire 👌👍 back and forth Janis: I'll 💬 when I'm close and you can keep being alright Jimmy: you started it, mate Jimmy: don't be a spoilsport Janis: go on then Janis: have your fun, it ain't mine Jimmy: 🗨  to me dickhead Janis: talk back to me Jimmy: I am Janis: not properly Janis: it's gone funny again Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Janis: I don't know Janis: just what you want Jimmy: I never said I were any good with words Janis: I'll survive Janis: let's just be Janis: like normal, business as usual Jimmy: I thought you were gonna write business casual, like there's an Ian approved dress code Jimmy: 🤏 gutted Janis: I have forgone the glitter and fur Janis: though I doubt he'd be as buzzing as shit nan, couldn't risk that faux pas again Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: he'd be chuffed to bits if you were wearing that, no funny business Janis: for the throwback of it all or Jimmy: you're right, loads of people have 👀 the 📷 Jimmy: you CAN'T Janis: if he slid into the gals DMs with the goss you could 🚨 Jimmy: ootd not outfit of the DAYS Jimmy: 👮🚔 Janis: oi, arrest him, not me Janis: you never said you were strictly fashion 👮 Jimmy: fine, if you don't wanna drive off into the sunset with me Jimmy: offering you a getaway car here Janis: the cars with me Jimmy: if Libi's not in the boot I ain't interested, soz Jimmy: you were told Janis: 🙄 Janis: you'll have to wait and see Janis: and be disappointed Jimmy: if you're wearing that pisstake of an outfit again, yeah Janis: I told you I ain't Janis: never again Janis: 🔥 Jimmy: did you? Janis: yeah Janis: [pictures of a jolly xmas fire with that melting all over the shop lmao] Jimmy: bit rude of you not to invite us Janis: I would if I could Janis: there's plenty more to burn Jimmy: 🎄 jumpers for a start Janis: exactly Janis: see if 💀#2 wants to put her diary on Jimmy: we could do it here 🤞 the whole house'd go up Jimmy: have to move then Janis: that would be win win Janis: death or a fresh start Jimmy: not enough drama for Bill but never is Jimmy: can't win with his 👻 Janis: he'd have you picking who to save Janis: always so EXTRA Janis: take a day off, Billy Jimmy: dead easy answer Janis: Sister can save herself, fuck the dog, so the kid? Jimmy: it's obvs you so the 🎭 can go ON and ON and ON 💔🎻😭 and owt else Janis: ugh Janis: my hero Jimmy: Bill makes the rules, babe Jimmy: @ him 👏👏🌹 Janis: lemme think of a sonnet first Janis: got to win him back 'round Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: don't offer to help then Janis: lazy Jimmy: why would I want you in his good books? Janis: what's good for me is good for you Jimmy: you can only have the one 👻 boyfriend at a time Jimmy: it ain't nowt but 👎 for me to get dumped for a more 🥇🎨🖋 🎭 Janis: I've only got the one Janis: ain't nothing but the writer Janis: and his ideas usually get ignored anyway Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: oh Bill Janis: you don't have to feel bad for him Janis: is trying to steal me Jimmy: can't blame him for having a go Janis: far as  🧛 fake girlfriends go Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 far as muses go Janis: I wasn't expecting half as many of the pub crawl pics to come out Janis: and that's not sounding surprised again Janis: just that the 🥴😵 wasn't too real Jimmy: you're that dickhead who looks #goals even with the 📸 on Janis: you make me look good Janis: #talent Janis: #skillz Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me Jimmy: you just look Janis: yeah well Janis: we're #goals by default 'cos you're not ugly yourself Janis: half of 'em probably think they're doing charity work or something 🦐🦑 Jimmy: tis the season Jimmy: 💀👑 must be 💔 she can't get back on it Janis: looks great on a CV Janis: but daddy hasn't thought about that Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: kicking himself when he realises she's already too thick for Trinity Janis: God ONLY knows where she'll end up now Jimmy: 🤞 for the north OBVS Janis: 🤔 Janis: Leeds? Janis: I'll float the idea to her Jimmy: fit right in, her Jimmy: no need to ever leave Janis: SO happy for her and her new Northern life Jimmy: chuck you an oscar in a bit Janis: you got me another prezzie? Janis: you shouldn't have 🤗😘 Jimmy: can't help myself Janis: 🎅 energy Jimmy: just wanna be the 🎅 you deserve 💕 Janis: awh, don't make us cry Jimmy: 🚗 or 🏃? Janis: 🚗 Janis: why not Jimmy: alright 🚫😭 Janis: Considerate Janis: all you know I'm already ten sheets to the wind Jimmy: I'd know Janis: alright 👮 Jimmy: give yourself away ages before I got you to do any blowing, pisshead Janis: piss off would I Jimmy: weren't a challenge Janis: didn't say it was Janis: not bringing a bottle, obviously Janis: don't wanna make friends with him do I Jimmy: could've given it to me Janis: if it's a requirement I'll keep driving, dickhead Jimmy: if it were a requirement I'd have said before now Janis: then shh Janis: I might've got you something Jimmy: weird coincidence, that Janis: you did? Janis: almost like it's a holiday or something Jimmy: Dunno, sounds fake to me, that, mate Janis: what did you get me then Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😣 Janis: mean Jimmy: come here and open it Janis: if it's your dick in box I'm gonna be a 🤏 unimpressed Jimmy: 🎀 Janis: gift wrapping skills leaving nothing to be desired Janis: got it Jimmy: [a picture of this wrapped gift like how rude look how beautiful it is] Janis: don't be a tease again Janis: I'm already driving fast as I can Jimmy: only be a tease if didn't give it you Jimmy: actually for Libi, soz like Janis: she's had enough Janis: take it even if it's another cuddly toy Jimmy: I ain't giving you no clues Janis: not even if I 🥺 Jimmy: go on Janis: [does but obviously it's very pisstakey] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: is that a clue Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might just not fancy you 💀💀💀 from the lack of attention before you get here Janis: very possible Janis: so like me Jimmy: can't take the risk Janis: all the 💪🥇 heroics for you Jimmy: tah Jimmy: nowt to do with being a dickhead who needs you to do owt Janis: 'course not Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: but crack on through the 🌨 to bring me my Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: does this mean I'm an elf Jimmy: you're poor exploited rudolf and I'm your dead keen missus Jimmy: we've switched Janis: 😱 Jimmy: crack on and save me an' all Jimmy: would call this house a prison if I were a dramatic sort of reindeer lass Janis: I doubt you're being treated to such stunning musical numbers whilst you sit and rot though Janis: actually be right there, like Jimmy: you gonna sing for us? Janis: also how you know I'm not that drunk Janis: no karaoke now Jimmy: not even if I 🥺 Janis: 😏 Janis: we'll see Jimmy: [obvs does because always that bitch] Janis: [just assuming your xmas injury is not visible?] Jimmy: [I'm gonna say no so that the bubs won't know when we go to skerries because that's feelsier] Janis: [I vibe] Janis: okay, pretty convincing Jimmy: always sounding so 😱 you Janis: I might've forgotten what you looked like Jimmy: either that's bollocks or what you said a bit ago about my #goals face were Janis: you decide Jimmy: 👌 Janis: maybe I'm just saying it's been ages Jimmy: not denying that Janis: then take the compliment Jimmy: if we're telling each other what to do, shut up and drive Janis: 1. you always try and tell me what to do 2. what do you think I'm doing, you shut up Jimmy: 1. when do I? 2. pissing about Janis: literally constantly, no way I could narrow it down to a few examples Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: well bossy Janis: #bossbabe Jimmy: OI 👏 do 👏 you 👏 wanna 👏 buy 👏 the 👏 shite 👏 off 👏 my 👏 facebook 👏 OR 👏 WHAT? Janis: Honey, you're in a pyramid scheme Janis: and the lipsticks are shit 💁 Jimmy: 💰 on that being what pub crawl Sharon or Karen 💋 me with Jimmy: might've woken up with no face and your #ultimatekinkunlocked Janis: never gonna sell 'em so she may as well get some wear out of 'em Jimmy: #entreprenher Janis: 🤢 Janis: #dirtyoldcow Jimmy: 🐑 or nowt for this lad Jimmy: and she weren't even blonde! Janis: honestly, who does she think she is Janis: walking 'round like she's 👸🏼 Jimmy: *👰🏼 Jimmy: I'm a good catholic boy now 🚫💍🚫💋 Janis: 🤞 you've just made my nan drop down dead somewhere Jimmy: merry christmas, my dear Jimmy: 👍✔⚰ Janis: best present ever 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what did you get anyway Janis: fun was watching everyone struggle to get me anything without hint or direction Jimmy: mine were Ian not bothering to surprise us with 🐱🐭🐹🐰 or 🐢🐍🦎 to go with the 🐕 no dickhead asked for Janis: Such a read of poor Twix Janis: never again Jimmy: the one favour she's done us Janis: * I read 😇 Jimmy: he wants to bring her tomorrow Jimmy: 🤞🚫🐕 allowed Janis: plenty of places we can go that are only fake dog friendly Janis: but likewise, loads we can go where she can as well Jimmy: where do you want to? Janis: where do you wanna Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I don't care, s'not about me Jimmy: or me Janis: well we can't just let them decide or fuck knows what hell we'd end up in Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: have a 💭 Janis: you too Janis: or you'll blame me if it's crap Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 😒 is permanent I know Jimmy: while I've still got a face any road Janis: we'll see how far the chemical burn can drive your rating down Jimmy: it won't with you, nowt else matters obvs Janis: won't run my rating down, or won't change my # of you? Jimmy: hang on, your rating ain't the same as your #s?! 😱 Janis: oops, I meant scale of #1-#10 Jimmy: don't matter, we're 💕 face or no face Janis: if you wanted sympathy, a well good breakup where I look like a total bitch Janis: and you don't need to fake no terminal illness Jimmy: be a bit rude Janis: could work Janis: though the sympathy sex DMs might get out of control for the gals that can stomach it Jimmy: you're really not convincing me this is even a 🥉 plan Janis: I was just thinking of myself, ngl babes Janis: the only lads who would bother me would be the ones that like mean girls, so at least I could still piss on 💀👑's parade and steal all her victims Jimmy: 👍 Janis: is that a 🤝? Janis: 👍 Jimmy: if it were I'd have said it were Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: do it whilst you still can Janis: melty face Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: oh you Jimmy: highlight of my day, that Janis: I know that's saying fuck all so Jimmy: 🎻🎻'll say it for me Jimmy: should probably 😭 while I can an' all Jimmy: brb Janis: where you going? Janis: I'll be there soon Jimmy: not telling you where I 😭 Janis: 🙄🙄😑 right Janis: carry on Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes before you get here, nowt to worry about Jimmy: back to 😎🚬 business as usual Janis: thank god Janis: not the kind of 'pleased to see me' I'm after Jimmy: 🔧🔨🪓🔪 I know Janis: be well rude if you'd forgot Jimmy: haven't had chance to smack myself round the head with any of 'em yet, you're alright Jimmy: nowt but a dream Janis: don't worry Janis: about to be a reality Jimmy: 🤞😍🤞 Janis: something like that Janis: am I coming in or are you coming outside Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I dunno Janis: answer it and I'll see Jimmy: why would you wanna come in? Jimmy: the obvs answer to that one is you wouldn't Janis: Yeah, but mission piss off your dad is in full swing, hence I asked Janis: but alright Janis: obviously I'm not pulling up right outside your house in his car so come over park Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [chilling outside this car not at all looking like you're about to do a drug deal or something] Jimmy: [chuck this 🎁 at her immediately because we're excited and also it's a distraction from how forlorn he clearly is] Janis: [poke and prod and shake it like you can work out what it is] Jimmy: [a look like open it then] Janis: [a look like don't rush me but obviously does and I cannot overstate how actually #SHOOK we'd be like idk what you're gonna say gal] Jimmy: [jimothy just gonna assume you don't like it, thanks for the self doubt Ian] Janis: ['mine's a bit shit now' like it's just a lighter but also you got that engraved we see you] Jimmy: [gesture for that gift like I'll be the judge of that thank you] Jimmy: [we know he's buzzing and is gonna use it immediately] Janis: [handing it over like you're not that bothered but clearly are, lowkey just looking through as much of the book as we can rn] Jimmy: [please do gal because he was joking about 😭 a min ago but he'd actually be emosh af rn cos the greatest gift we have ever received honestly] Janis: [when you don't even have to explain that you had it done before he did it 'cos literally last night and it's Christmas, we're all a bit emosh and overwhelmed now lmao, slayed it too hard] Jimmy: [not putting the lighter away even after his lit both of your 🚬 -which would be a moment ™ rn in each other's grill while overwhelmed af- because we're just gonna keep tracing that engraving with our fingers lowkey forever] Janis: [the amount of times we keep going to say something, like, literally no one has ever got us a gift this good, or how much we like it, or literally any of it, but we cannot 'cos it's too much so just standing here dying and smoking] Jimmy: [hard same though, they are both very much in the same boat, but add loads of blinking for him so he don't sob nbd] Janis: [when nothing is safe rn, can't speak, can't make out, just like !!! so hard, do a feelsy lean like you okay 'cos can't verbalise so] Jimmy: [obvs gonna do a feelsy lean back which hopefully won't hurt you too much boy because idk how we're hurting you this time] Janis: [yeah just let me know when it would be obvious 'cos not oblivious but don't wanna act like she's psychic and just gonna know immediately lol] Jimmy: [can you remember what injury I did when ice bath because I remember that but not what was fucking him up at the time] Janis: [it was just general body shots/potential for a broken rib moment, I think?] Jimmy: [that sounds accurate because nhs direct were like 🚭 so of course I did] Janis: [it just makes sense for where you would hit someone if you weren't going for a face moment, so potential you might of flinched then, I guess, so we're ? and out of our feels like what was that] Jimmy: [yeah like we're hiding the fact it hurts every time we breathe in so we don't have to forfeit the 🚬 and shit on your gift giving but the feelsy lean is our undoing, literally could've just not done it boy but we know you had to] Janis: [like honestly well done for getting that far it's only 'cos it was so dramatically emotional, the lowkey speed we're putting together what Bobby said, the obvious fact you were driving Ian's stolen car, like okay, so at least we don't have to ask the question, just gently holding his face 'cos can't even hug him or anything 'can I see?' like lemme assess the damage] Jimmy: [at least you would have a bit of time left to downplay how bad it is by looking at her like I'm fine before the bruises expose you because hasn't been long enough for them to fully be !!!!] Janis: [a look like, so show me then, but not as cunty as that sounds lmao] Jimmy: [I look around at the weather like do you want me to freeze to death because I love that we're communicating in looks still lol] Janis: [turning around like oh look, a car] Jimmy: [go sit in it because the weather isn't just an excuse clearly if you're gonna get snowed in tomorrow] Janis: [turn that heating on gal 'bit rude you weren't gonna seduce me' but your tone making it obvs you don't reckon you're gonna succeed at lightening the mood rn but you're alright with not making him talk about it too] Jimmy: ['bit rude of you to reckon I weren't' and a look around like is this not the perfect place to seduce you in because we will downplay this situation until the day we die so it's all nbd and we're SO FINE] Janis: [likewise looks around and shrugs 'suppose it's no less romantic than the park' and then looks out at said park and just chills in the silence for a bit] Jimmy: [we're looking too cos the mems and then eventually we're like 'come here then' as if we're gonna just hook up in this car as standard, sir your injuries] Janis: [does not] Jimmy: [nudges her like excuse you but you know that's gonna make you flinch if the feelsy lean did so then we're just annoyed for letting that happen again] Janis: [sighs, 'never promised I was gonna kill you today' like simply not in this state, and then is looking around again for something, before taking off our hoodie and getting out to assemble this snow pack] Jimmy: [OTT fake sigh to hide how big our genuine sigh would have been as if she doesn't know and then we're just watching her do this like ? before it becomes obvious what she's doing 'got loads of frozen sprouts at ours' because who in his fam would wanna eat them but we're not stopping her because we're hiding this from Bobby at least even if Cass knows] Janis: [just giving this to him like put it where you need it most 'you could go lay in it but you nah'd that idea before we even started' again, gentle pisstaking rn] Jimmy: [does obvs so you're gonna see anyway gal 'no I never, you never said that were your plan' likewise with our gentle pisstaking as if this is a normal day] Janis: [gestures like be my guest 'not a requirement I've gotta be on top of you' but we're looking the best we can without dramatically examining him right now and we're not happy with what we seeing, obviously] Jimmy: ['weren't a requirement for me to get my tits out either but that's what you were after a bit ago' as if she was asking him to flash her instead of trying to investigate whether he's alright or not, I lol] Janis: [IRL 🙄 at you boy 'you gonna try and tell me you're not that sort of girl now'] Jimmy: [crosses himself in the most pisstakey manner cos he's still him, however much pain he's in] Janis: [lols 'great, fake waiting 'til fake marriage now'] Jimmy: [is like 🤫 but way hotter than that emoji is obviously and then kissing her as if it's their secret] Janis: [the casual restraint we must show so it doesn't end up going too heavy here, but still, you can kiss as his face isn't injured rn, points to the heavens like, he's always watching babe] Jimmy: [a look up to said heavens like we're so #into that idea of a pervy voyeuristic god] Janis: [😏 'all about the #fans, you'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like a nerd 'don't sound like me'] Janis: [noise like hmm okay hun, after a little more silence, 'where were the kids?' we mean when Ian beat him up but up to you if he follows this train of thought] Jimmy: [shaking his head again before he can stop himself but obvs this time seriously like they didn't see anything because he does know what she means and my vibe is that whenever this happened Cass would've kept Bobby busy when the arguing started but because jimothy isn't ready to get into this whole story even though she's already worked it out he's gonna pretend he doesn't know what she's going on about and that was simply a confused headshake 'what?'] Janis: ['where are the kids now, like?' like what they up to, how'd you sneak out vibes, not 'cos you wanna pretend that's what you said all along but you understood if nothing else that he heard you and he doesn't wanna talk about however he understood what you said so we changing the subject] Jimmy: [nods in the direction of his house literally over the road 'can probably see 'em pissing about with all the shit he's bought from here' because we know that's the only parenting Ian does honey] Janis: [nods because we understand this type of parenting too, even if that isn't actually all that ruster do but you know 'gonna take weeks to get rid of all the fucking wrapping paper at ours'] Jimmy: [flicks his lighter she got him on and off 'you'll have a right laugh doing that' because we know she loves the one we gave her too] Janis: ['another good idea' and going to switch out his snow pack 'is it helping a bit?'] Jimmy: ['full of 'em, me' because we can't even with people taking care of us because when does that ever happen but it is helping so we've gotta add 'but you do alright yourself an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like it's the literal least we can do 'cos we think other people would probably have something to say or whatever rn and we don't 'you had any painkillers yet?'] Jimmy: [mimes drinking but that's clearly a pisstake because you'd know if he was drunk rn and is about to say something but actually does 🥱 because hasn't had any sleep which would hurt so thank god for this snow actually working so it's bearable] Janis: [back at it with this snow pack like we're anticipating that, before rummaging round in this car looking for some pills, gonna say there's none, at least he lives more central than you gal, looking at him like hmm 'you should go lay in the back' like get comfy whilst I run to the shops 'shame Helena isn't actually a dealer, though'] Jimmy: ['bit weird if you drove all this way to watch me sleep, Joanne' but does go to get comfy because why not tbh but because he's him he's pulling her along with him like I only will if you come and lie with me 'or in the boot' imagine if she just popped up like hey LOL] Janis: ['what are you gonna do about it?' said like a usual challenge but it simply is not, speaking of the boot reaching over now she's also in the back for the obligatory random coats and picnic blankets etc so she can cover him up so he doesn't get cold whilst having to be covered in snow as well, just tucking him in and shaking our head like oh you 'so soz I didn't kidnap any bitch for you and tie her up back there'] Jimmy: [tries to start a playfight but we simply can't so we're grumpy and forlorn but we're pretending we're gutted about the lack of kidnap only and making it OTT and fake as per 'you'll have to do' and acting like we're gonna tie her up with something but snuggling into her because we are buzzing she's here in these shit times] Janis: [just snuggling for a while, trying to make him as comfortable as possible all things considered 'I've got to get some pain relief in you before you crash' and dramatically tearing yourself away like you won't be 10 minutes or so] Jimmy: [checking his imaginary watch like no no I don't have time to crash it's alright because you simply don't want her to go even though she's literally gonna be 10 minutes lol] Janis: [pouting unintentionally 'cos likewise don't really wanna leave him like you could take the car but don't wanna drive it all over this town unnecessarily like they run license plate checks often enough to not be silly with it 'I'll get drink too, if I can, if you want' like every little helps] Jimmy: [gotta just run his thumb over that pouty lip like that's not the most distracting thing ever because if we say something we'll just be like DON'T GO!! too dramatically to even pretend is fake so we can't even talk, so soz that he can't answer a question ever at the best of times but managing to get out 'if you want' as if she's the one who needs it oh jimothy] Janis: [testing you so hard right now soz gal, 'it'll keep us warm' because you have to be at least slightly suggestive back before running] Jimmy: speaking of kidnap, my sister's coming tomorrow an' all Jimmy: can chuck the 🐕 at her soon as it starts doing our heads in Janis: 👍 Janis: we won't have to do something completely 4-6 shit then and we can blame it on her on the sly Janis: sorted Jimmy: Dunno what or where they'll all be bothered about Janis: well I have been 🤔 like you said Jimmy: go on Jimmy: what's your 🥇💡? Janis: we can kick it cliche and go to the beach Janis: but not here Janis: nan and granda got a caravan in Skerries and Libi would love showing you and Bobby around no doubt Jimmy: *#goals Jimmy: if Libi's 😁 our kid will be Janis: awh Janis: thank god they don't go to our school Janis: too much competition Jimmy: he's been going on about her all day Jimmy: don't even need #s Janis: had to wrestle my phone off her 'cos she was trying to call him midway through lunch to see if he had to eat carrots too Jimmy: the answer's he don't have to eat owt he don't want, she'd have been 💔 Jimmy: just tells Ian he's allergic to whatever it is if he starts Jimmy: he'd be well good at fake dating, oscar's in the bag Janis: honestly, coming for your job at CG next Janis: when he can reach the counter Jimmy: he can have that, they've been on at me to work tomorrow Janis: seriously Janis: who needs overpriced caffeine that badly boxing day Jimmy: what dickhead needs it any day? Janis: true Janis: but especially now Jimmy: Pete needs the 💰💰 for new 🎸 strings or some bollocks, I've told him to crack on Jimmy: 😘 Janis: he'll remember you when he's made it big Jimmy: 🤞 he'll write a song about me Jimmy: you can sing it Janis: that's cruel and unusual punishment Janis: obviously want a song written about me, not to sing about you 💔 Jimmy: you'll have to earn yours an' all Jimmy: he's no slag Janis: it is easy though Jimmy: to write a song or inspire one? Janis: to inspire one Janis: even without shifts to swap Jimmy: inspire me then Jimmy: might 🖋 you one Janis: right now I'm a bit busy getting you drugs and alcohol Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: what are you gonna do let 💊 🥃 inspire me instead? Janis: Can you even write? Janis: I'll know if you cheat and let Bill's 👻 do it for you Jimmy: even the thickest northerner would know if Bill's 👻 had a go Jimmy: all his thees and thous Janis: that's how they talk in the countryside though Janis: I've been forced to read Wuthering Heights, tah Jimmy: bit rude you ain't written me a sonnet, living out there in the middle of nowt with all them fit 🐑 all about to act as a muse for you Janis: if it don't fit on a lighter, how am I gonna get you to see it? Jimmy: carve it into my 😎 Janis: a good idea 'til you're legally blind and I've got to train the dog more than sit and stay Jimmy: if anyone could though, mate Jimmy: obvs you Jimmy: train it to walk us into traffic and that's another job done Janis: nah Janis: shit way to die Janis: where's the fun in it for me? Jimmy: never said there were, it were you saying you were busy Janis: come on Janis: never too busy for you, darling Jimmy: walked into that like I were blind Janis: you are sleepy Janis: won't be too disappointed in you Jimmy: should've let you meet Ian, that's step mum talk if I've ever heard it Janis: financially ruining him with the divorce is just the tip of the iceberg of shit I'd be more than willing to do Janis: #fakedatethefakeboyfriendsrealdad? Janis: might be the logical next step Jimmy: if that's the tip, can't wait to hear what you're willing to do on the rest of that iceberg Janis: nothing if not dedicated to the cause Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: I did forget how many places would be shut though Janis: there'll be somewhere Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: come back Janis: no you need some Jimmy: I'll live Janis: how about at yours Jimmy: 💊 ✔ 🥃✔ Jimmy: not gonna get any 🏆 off Helena or her customers but Janis: yeah but, can you go in Janis: or am I Jimmy: I get it, you wanna crack on with your iceberg strategy Janis: 🛳 Jimmy: I better crack on an' all and paint you before I 🥶🌊 Janis: you better still be under those blankets Jimmy: [a picture like 👀 peeping out from those blankets] Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: come back Janis: okay Janis: but I am gonna make you feel better somehow Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: knew you couldn't resist me, Jules Janis: never said I could Janis: but you've got to resist me Jimmy: don't challenge me Jimmy: not like that Janis: Sorry Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Janis: I know, baby Janis: so devastating Jimmy: worst christmas EVER Janis: 🥺 Janis: you would feel differently if you'd picked yourself up a 🐶 Jimmy: that'd be worst christmas ever and ever amen Janis: STOP PRAYING Janis: it's so weird Jimmy: make me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: [show back up, lowkey grumpy you forgot it was Christmas day but we're happy to see him, checking he's comfortable and probably doing the snow pack again] Jimmy: [snuggle her because she must be cold and that's obvs the only reason okay] Janis: [get yourselves situated lads] Jimmy: [opening his mouth to say a million things like thanks, I missed you, I was only joking it's not the worst christmas ever but we don't know how to say any of them so we're just not] Janis: [putting your finger on his mouth like he said anything at all there 's'alright' like it so isn't for either of you rn but you're trying god bless Jimmy: [hitting her with some intense eye contact like I hope you can read my mind rn because all those things I wanna say are so important] Janis: [at least you can kiss] Jimmy: [you both very much need to, I couldn't be that evil] Janis: [or something is gonna come out here, I can't be held responsible lol] Jimmy: [literally same so shh for a bit please] Janis: [emotions are running hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh and not jus me character bleeding] Jimmy: [they are and that's why it's gonna be so fun that they get snowed in and so heartbreaking when she leaves] Janis: [oh the delicious drama] Jimmy: [speaking of leaving neither of you are gonna wanna go home even more than usual] Janis: [like you barely have to, just to make sure Cass and Bobby are ready and you've got to get Libi gal but yes, still] Jimmy: [damn you kiddos, we know they'd just go now if not for y'all] Janis: [when you can't leave your siblings, so sad, so rude] Jimmy: [literally didn't ask to be parents rn but we are out here becoming a family unit] Janis: [god bless, at least you're all gonna have a good time on this trip] Jimmy: [we'll make sure you do, lads, casual domestic bliss] Janis: [but seriously, is there anything else we dare to say or do rn before making you separate] Jimmy: [we should probably separate you but I don't want to lol] Janis: [at least you can message when you're separated so you'll have to say something and not just snugg] Jimmy: [give her your hoodie or jumper before she goes because she's sacrificed hers for you and you easily can sacrifice one of your layers because you only have to go across the road when you can bring yourself to] Janis: [cute selfie you don't need to take to prove you're still wearing it like 5 minutes later lol] Jimmy: [one back of him taking some painkillers, I imagine they're on his sticky out tongue in a sassy manner like we're calling her out for worrying about him when he's OBVS FINE but we're sending the pic actually so she won't worry because we care] Janis: take more than the recommended dose, tah Janis: but only double, no 💀 Jimmy: I get it, no self induced coma unless you're there to take advantage Janis: if Sandy ain't gonna Jimmy: how many oscars has she got? you should've have 'em off her Janis: has she got any? Janis: you're her biggest fan, you tell me Jimmy: it's you bringing her up Janis: sounds fake Jimmy: you'd know about that more than me Janis: Why would I? Jimmy: you're going for her oscars Janis: on my own Janis: I think not Jimmy: don't reckon they'll cut one in half for us Jimmy: and as long as I've got the #fans convinced I why would I need owt else? Janis: long-winded way of saying you'd be 🥈 Jimmy: what you thought I were done giving you 🎁s Janis: don't cheapen the actual gift, dickhead Janis: also if you aren't, gonna have to do the classic see-what's-lying-about-to-wrap so Jimmy: nowt cheap about 🥇 Janis: is if you reckon you're giving it me Janis: got to earn it or what's the point Jimmy: don't you reckon you have? Janis: don't you? Jimmy: what for? Janis: for our 💘story Janis: what else? Jimmy: not today I've not Janis: yeah you have Janis: anyway, no cunt works christmas Jimmy: you have 🚑 Janis: that's not 💘 Janis: I wanted to see you Janis: then you was fucked up, what am I meant to do? Janis: anyone would Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: that's what loads of people would do Janis: nah Janis: not a pussy Jimmy: 💔🧛 there weren't no 🩸 though Jimmy: next time 🤞 Janis: you might be pissing it Janis: but I'm not thrilled about that Janis: lack of a piss fetish aside Jimmy: I'll leave out the selfie one way or the other Janis: 💡 Janis: don't wanna get banned, babe Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: love a ban, me Janis: fine Janis: can you not just do an appropriately placed 🍆 sticker Jimmy: depends how massive the sticker'll go, babe Jimmy: no promises Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Jimmy: 🚫🩸🧠 Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: no need to tell the fans it's 'cause I'm pissing it out Janis: 🤫 Janis: though no need if you plan on going live next time you need a slash Jimmy: only if the 💊🥃 really inspire me Janis: 🙄 Janis: soz we're not going away on a bender Jimmy: have to rely on you for my 🎨 then Janis: nice of you not to demote me Jimmy: here Jimmy: [whatever today's doodle the final one of this advent is] Janis: it's the last one Jimmy: don't have to be Janis: you gonna keep doing it 'til 💀💔 Jimmy: why not? Janis: not very goals if you get wrist strain Jimmy: I'll spread it about it's not 🍆 related, don't worry Janis: tah Jimmy: 😘 Janis: you'll run out of ways to draw me before long Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: ✏🖌💪 Jimmy: Oi you forgot 🖋🖍 Janis: 🖋 is Bill's 🖍 is Bobby's Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you're being the hog Janis: learn to share Jimmy: gave him the last roast potato ages ago Jimmy: just the kind of brother I am 🏆 Janis: show off Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, I'd have given it you if you'd been here Janis: had a plate load myself, don't you worry Jimmy: sleep easy now, tah Janis: that makes one of us Jimmy: I get it, you're 😁 for tomorrow Jimmy: you and our kid both Janis: more like Libi won't leave me alone now for the same reason Janis: she basically does acrobatics in her sleep so that'll be well fun Jimmy: 💔 we can't chuck the two of 'em in a room in a bit and leave 'em to it Jimmy: 'cause he'll be as bad Janis: you're gonna have to sleep on his floor Janis: hard surface will help in the long run Jimmy: dunno how I'm explaining that Jimmy: 🦷🔦🦷 brb just checking for monsters mate, don't 😱😭 or owt Janis: duh, say you wanna go camping Janis: then he'll inevitably wanna join you and you can have the bed to yourself when he crashes Jimmy: make up your mind, Janet Jimmy: hard surface you said Janis: just rather you didn't get booted Janis: either or on where you end up Jimmy: weren't in my #ultimategoals Janis: obviously, I ain't there Jimmy: what you trying to make me 😭😭😭 for? Janis: not my ultimate goal either Jimmy: that'd be turning the 🚗 round Janis: 'course Janis: what could be more cinematic Jimmy: nowt, which is why I said it Janis: shame you don't write the scene directions Jimmy: yeah Janis: he's such a cockblock Jimmy: SUCH a slag for the tension Janis: bit rude 'cos he had them married, fucked and dead in the space of like 3 days in the OG Jimmy: what's he trying to say about us? the dickhead Janis: maybe he's trying to be more #relatable to a modern audience? Janis: he's seen the ❤s and the views Jimmy: next go round he'll do it so they never meet IRL Janis: 😱 oh god Janis: I'd kms immediately Jimmy: there you go Jimmy: job done in even less than 3 days Janis: at least I get to 👀 at you Janis: an actual fake boyfriend that doesn't exist is well 🎻 Jimmy: the 🎨 would be SO shite Janis: probably 'cos I'd have to do it myself Jimmy: nah 'cause I wouldn't be in it Janis: 😂 Janis: bighead strikes again Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: you never did sing to me Janis: shh Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't just sing at you Jimmy: why? Janis: 1. it'd be weird 2. contrary to popular (your) belief, I don't think I'm well mint at everything Jimmy: 1. you're making it weird 2. you never will with that attitude, dickhead Janis: 😑 Jimmy: *3. please Janis: let a good song come on the radio first Jimmy: as excuses go 🏆 Jimmy: know how you feel about interrupting Mariah Janis: [voice recording of us singing along to whatever festive song is on rn like there] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Jimmy: but none for me 'cause I never thought through how much that'd make me miss you Janis: it's hardly a lullabye but Janis: you wanted it Jimmy: dunno what's more of a pisstake 1. you not reckoning you're good at owt 2. that there's actually nowt you aren't 3. how bad I still want you here Janis: I just know what I'm good at, properly Janis: most people can sing if someone teaches you how to breathe right Janis: but the last part is mutual Jimmy: you gonna give me the bulletpoints or what? Janis: of what I'm good at? Jimmy: can't teach me to breathe properly from there, might as well Janis: I don't think nows the time for breathing exercises, like Janis: and you've seen or you'll see what I'm good at Jimmy: don't want you to crash the 🚗 girl Jimmy: why I said the breathing bit can wait Janis: 😏 Janis: but Jimmy: but Janis: I miss you Jimmy: it wasn't long enough Jimmy: tomorrow'll be Jimmy: you'll be telling me to piss off by the end Janis: maybe Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: not that being a MASSIVE dickhead is, obvs Janis: obviously Janis: but you're literally competing with children so who am I gonna get sick of faster Jimmy: goes without saying won't be the 🐕 Janis: you brought her up Jimmy: missing me less already look Janis: dickhead Janis: you bringing her then? Jimmy: 🤞 Ian'll murder her if I don't Janis: that's a yeah Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you don't want her murdered Jimmy: the blame for it, but that'll be @iantaylor8 Jimmy: chuffed to bits for him to have it Janis: maybe she'll 'run away' tomorrow then Jimmy: went to live with mum, nowt to worry about kids 👍 Janis: an update on the farm classic Jimmy: 🗨 bollocks is what he's good at Janis: not going for the easy gag of saying it's where you got it from Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: should I bring Killer? Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: not really Janis: but she'd flip shit if you brought Twix Janis: don't wanna get them on the rocks already 💔 Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave her here Janis: 👌 I'll tell her Jimmy: 👌 Janis: might have to call you up when she refuses to take my word for it Jimmy: if she has a go at me in sign she can say whatever she likes Jimmy: haven't taught her nowt that'll 💔 me Janis: we all know 💩head is pretty devastating Janis: don't need to put a brave face on Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: how many times, babe Janis: how dare I forget how special you are Jimmy: SO rude Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'll forgive you, just that kind of 🎅 Janis: the kind that misses out on an opportunity to have me make it up to you? Janis: psh Jimmy: the kind that knows you will Janis: purposely won't now Jimmy: alright, then I'll have to make you Janis: look forward to seeing you try Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: let's hope so Janis: I wanted to be nice to you but now I can't on principle Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: stop it Jimmy: when you start being nice to me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you better not lose the lighter Jimmy: 😱😱 AS IF Janis: or give it away to any fucker in the smoking area Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: that'll DEFINITELY happen Janis: 😠 Jimmy: it's not the last roast potato, you're alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: it is Jimmy: whatever you give me is safe with me Janis: alright, we did fairytale of new york last night Jimmy: weren't likely to forget how 🥇 I did the accent Janis: you don't take Irish and it shows Jimmy: said nowt about chucking that lighter at your head Janis: well I've got a full play to hit you with so think on, Shane Jimmy: stop flirting with me Janis: rude Jimmy: I'm trying to tell you I like my 🎁 dickhead Janis: so do I Jimmy: good Janis: Libi said tell Bobby to remember Snow Janis: it was a bit threatening tbh but leave that out Jimmy: forget Snow, forget this friendship, mate 👋 Janis: what can I say Janis: she's got priorities Jimmy: takes after you, gonna chuck me if I chuck this lighter Janis: least no fucker else is gonna reckon she's my kid Jimmy: they'll hear me 🗨 and reckon they're all mine Janis: the reality is they'll probably think they're yours and your sisters Janis: soz 🤢 Jimmy: grim up north Janis: not gonna make your sister buzzing for the day out so 🤫 Jimmy: not gonna add her into this 🗨 Jimmy: she might not wanna now the 🐕's not Janis: @ all of 'em Janis: cheek Jimmy: 💔 Janis: least you wanna spend time with me Janis: have to do Jimmy: you gonna be nice to me then? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: are you gonna be nice to me or what Jimmy: dunno what you mean Jimmy: never not nice to you Janis: 🤔 Janis: not really an answer, that Jimmy: be nice to me, you can have the same back Jimmy: how's that? Janis: when am I not nice to you is the question Janis: but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: see, no answer Janis: I'm too nice to you Jimmy: or I were being nice by 🔥 the receipts Janis: ha Janis: go for it, not like I'm delusional like the gals and think I'm SO lovely to EVERYONE Jimmy: should've introduced them to Ian Jimmy: that's his #vibe today Janis: long as he promises to murder them Janis: ideal Jimmy: won't be able to help himself, obvs Jimmy: they make up for not being bottle blonde by looking 45 Janis: I'll tell Grace to put the right wig on Jimmy: bit of patience 💀👑 and 💀#2's will have all fallen out Janis: less evidence clean up Janis: considerate of them Janis: really are #saints Jimmy: hang about for that tutorial, you'll be well in Janis: 'scuse you Janis: I wore something girly and I've got a man Janis: literally the requirements apparently Jimmy: soz, you're right Jimmy: I were thinking about the learning experience that is Tammy's tiktoks Janis: 😂 Janis: if you think I'm dancing for you as well Janis: another thing coming Jimmy: have to do everything myself round here Janis: you love it Jimmy: one of us has to be #goals Jimmy: if you won't, it's up to me Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Janis: you take the piss Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 🙄 Janis: not long ago you didn't like me walking, never mind 💃 Jimmy: and how mardy were you Jimmy: can't have it both ways, Jennifer Janis: you know why Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll carry you about tomorrow if you're missing it Janis: no you won't Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're gonna take it easy Jimmy: 🛏⛓'s meant to be my kink not yours Janis: s'called roleplaying Janis: try it Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: I promise you'll have a good time Jimmy: yeah? Janis: serious Jimmy: alright Jimmy: then I promise not to piss about Janis: okay Janis: are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: yeah Janis: are you Jimmy: now I've seen you Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: you and your lines Janis: make me 😳 Jimmy: Oi, I just said it weren't a line Janis: but Jimmy: you heard Janis: I wish I could've stayed Jimmy: do the counting for us Jimmy: til we can go Janis: I'm on it Janis: 🖕✌🤟 Jimmy: that were it Janis: well smart, like Janis: not to brag Jimmy: won't start you a # if you don't want Jimmy: I get it, loads of pressure Janis: what girl don't want a # for Christmas? Janis: #sospoilt Jimmy: [obvs does give her complimentary #s enjoy that the fans] Janis: [flirt on those socials 'cos we don't know what to really say atm] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be fake and extra because the feels are high rn] Janis: [you simply must lads, also hint about this trip like you've had it planned forever] Jimmy: [just wait for how romantic and #goals we can make it when we're snowed in lads, little do you know] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [thank god we have this flirting sesh because I've had to tone what I was gonna say down so many times lol like not yet boy] Janis: [a hard same] Janis: fake you is fun Jimmy: 🤏 of a twat, I get why you like him Janis: give him my number, yeah Jimmy: didn't sound like you were shy around him, reckon you can do that yourself Janis: reckon he'll be well about me making you do it though so Janis: tah Jimmy: massive twat were what I meant to call him Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you know how Bill's 👻 feels about a love triangle Janis: technically a love square but fuck fake me Janis: no one is here for her Jimmy: bit rude to the fans Janis: she's just a boring version of me Janis: deny it Jimmy: never said I was one of her fans Janis: 😱 Janis: *sends screenshot* Jimmy: *backtracks so hard I need more 💊s to sort me out but it's alright there's nowt more goals than a lad with no spine* Janis: we 👏 love 👏 a 👏 doormat 👏 Jimmy: works for mates an' all, dunno why I were acting like I were special there Janis: fake you is well special Janis: #facts Jimmy: 😇 him Janis: gotta be a reason the DMs are so full Jimmy: there's LOADS Jimmy: could go on and on Janis: 🤤 Janis: don't let me stop you Jimmy: he is, well humble that lad Janis: SO shy Janis: scaring him with my thirst Jimmy: bit awkward but can't help it you Janis: it's cool, I can pretend I'm shy too Janis: what's more goals than pretending you have a totally different personality to catch you a man Jimmy: duh Janis: you'd know all about that 😎🚬 Jimmy: I've had a girlfriend, yeah Janis: 💔 Janis: what she pretend to be then? Jimmy: a lass who weren't a total nightmare Janis: if you're gonna pretend to be anything Janis: fairplay Jimmy: did work for a bit, give her that Janis: not the first or last to fall for it Jimmy: obvs Janis: just saying Jimmy: weren't saying you should shut up Janis: well Janis: no need to chat about it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: wasn't what I mean anyway, for starters Jimmy: you meant I weren't 😎🚬 which for starters is bollocks Janis: okay 🤓 Jimmy: you Janis: Hardly Jimmy: more chance that you're a 🤓 than me Jimmy: and loads more receipts Janis: is there fuck Jimmy: deny it all you like, girl Jimmy: I can't even read Janis: ~express~ yourself in other ways don't you Janis: I don't Jimmy: bollocks do you not Janis: only when you force me to sing Jimmy: didn't take much 🥊 Janet Jimmy: barely twisted owt of yours Janis: 'cos you couldn't, soft boy Janis: be embarrassing to watch you try Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you'd be 😳 but we both know why Janis: not what we're talking about Jimmy: is it not? Janis: you know it's not Jimmy: sounds fake Janis: never said you weren't good at that Jimmy: I'm just saying you express yourself in as many different ways as me Janis: that's just Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤷🤐 Jimmy: tah for clearing that up Janis: that's just between you and me, is what I was going to say Jimmy: weren't gonna send a tweet, you're alright Janis: shut up Jimmy: that's just between me and everyone else Janis: something like that Jimmy: that's exactly what it's like Jimmy: I've got nowt to say to any of them Janis: Me either Janis: never have, really Jimmy: I like talking to you Jimmy: don't matter what about Janis: it's alright, ain't it Jimmy: that a question or what? Janis: we're mates? Janis: that's a question for you Jimmy: do you wanna be mates? Janis: we act like it Janis: don't we Jimmy: not what I asked but Janis: yeah but you always ask questions never answer so I'm allowed to as well Janis: don't you think we do? Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about, I answer questions Janis: 😂 Janis: you don't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: go on then Janis: answer my question Janis: without asking one Jimmy: hang on, which one, are we mates or do we act like it? Janis: can you manage 2? Janis: since you do it all the time, shouldn't be a struggle Jimmy: there's nowt I can't handle, dickhead Janis: ... Janis: I'm waiting Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: dunno why I wanna be mates with you Janis: Charming as that is Janis: still counts as an answer, so I'll take it Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: I dunno what's more charming than I don't like talking to anybody but you Jimmy: or why you'd reckon I'd say that but not wanna be mates Janis: well you're confusing and I'm thick too sometimes Jimmy: you alright now? Jimmy: 'cause having to play 20 questions would be taking the piss a bit Janis: you don't take the piss and we will be fine Jimmy: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: I can ask a mate if they're alright, can't I? Janis: you're making me sound like I'm well high maintenance and hysterical Jimmy: how am I? Janis: acting like I asked you 1000s instead of 2 Janis: but I am fine, despite you being a bit of a dickhead Jimmy: just said playing the games would be a pisstake when you ain't even sleeping over, nowt else Janis: that mean no midnight snacks? 💔 Jimmy: 😱😱 no Janis: we've made such a mistake Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: quick, pop on a romcom Jimmy: rather you popped back in the 🚗 Janis: me too Janis: can't really head off in the dead of night or it will be obvious it's a kidnapping Jimmy: we'll go back for her in a bit, I'll live Janis: I could come back Janis: what about if your brother wakes up though Janis: you can't kip in the 🚗 Jimmy: *should Jimmy: I'll let you in Janis: yeah? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you gonna wait for everyone to be 😴 or what? Jimmy: I can't have your fit nan fuming at me Janis: for starters, ugh Janis: but I can just come back over Janis: though I probably should give them some ~quality family time~ before I do, keep them somewhat on side Jimmy: I don't care if you don't Jimmy: but if Libi wanted some bollocks from home that meant we needed to pick her up from there it'd be a top idea for you to stay here and a 🥇💡 for you to spread that about Janis: 😈 Janis: I knew I kept you around for a reason Jimmy: bit late to kidnap Star and chuck her back at your nans, she's too high profile now, every dickhead has seen her Janis: you are to blame for that bit Janis: but that's easy Janis: kids are idiots, or suggestible, if you wanna be nice about it Janis: I'll make her remember something she absolutely NEEDS Jimmy: you're not as thick as I look Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you aren't either but I won't spread that about Janis: reputation and everything Jimmy: gotta stay #relatable to the fans, babe Janis: #attainable some would say Jimmy: they can have the cancer I've got coming my way if they're that bothered Jimmy: not having you off me though Janis: I don't want nobody else Jimmy: none of them dickheads are good enough for you Janis: I don't care about that Janis: I just want you Jimmy: have me then Jimmy: I'm doing nowt but waiting here Janis: it's well inconvenient that I keep remembering you're hurt Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: don't worry, there's plenty we can do without injuring you further Janis: and I won't make any jokes about stamina Jimmy: don't YOU worry Jimmy: you heard, I'm alright Jimmy: nowt I can't handle, I said Janis: alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: ❌ Janis: just trying to help, not overreact though so yeah Janis: ✔ Jimmy: you did help Jimmy: tah for that, I should've 🗨 Janis: nah Janis: it's nothing Jimmy: not nowt to me Janis: whatever kind of dickhead you are Janis: no call for that Jimmy: it were my own fault, no denying that Janis: still Jimmy: you're a top mate on the first day of being one Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: the fact neither of us has got any others right now is really showing Janis: but fuck it Jimmy: I don't want any others Janis: me neither Janis: load of cunts Jimmy: up north, here and wherever else Ian tries to drag me next Janis: you wanna be penpals, yeah Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Jimmy: and 😭 obvs Jimmy: sweat's more your shout, being SUCH an athlete Janis: I'll send you some 🧦 Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: maybe I should charge, you're right Jimmy: got in there just in time for mates rates Janis: lucky you Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 is right Janis: you're ridiculous Jimmy: what so you don't want my 💌? Janis: you ain't gonna write to me Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't, Jasmine Jimmy: I'll send you daily 🎨 Janis: why are we talking about this? Jimmy: you asked Janis: oh so now you can't stop with your answers Jimmy: make up your mind, my dear Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: better Janis: if we're gonna talk about anything, let's talk about now Jimmy: alright Janis: well, more specifically, in a bit, when I'll be there Jimmy: go on then Janis: what? Jimmy: 🗨 something Jimmy: that'd be how a conversation works Janis: ugh Janis: just Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: it feels like ages since you were here Janis: I know Janis: but I don't know why Janis: it always feels like that Jimmy: I think you answered it when you said you wanna see me Janis: yeah Janis: no lie Jimmy: I get it, you know Janis: yeah, you aren't that good an actor Janis: I can tell Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I mean, I asked for this when I picked you, but I didn't ask for this Janis: what's that supposed to mean? Jimmy: what I said Jimmy: it ain't always piss easy being in over my massive head, even if I manage to make it look it Janis: you ain't Janis: the plans going exactly to plan Janis: this is just Janis: fun, yeah Jimmy: dunno how pissed I were when I last said it but you are that, and do make owt less shit Janis: you too Janis: so let's keep doing it Jimmy: I weren't saying I don't wanna Janis: Obviously Janis: I'm coming over for a reason Jimmy: alright, don't take the piss Jimmy: I had a point somewhere, I just dunno what it were Janis: I ain't Janis: you're cute Jimmy: that sounds well pisstakey, girl Janis: but you are Janis: and I like you as a mate Janis: but no shit I wanna fuck you too Jimmy: gutted you don't wanna write to me, you're actually really good with words Janis: a pisstake Janis: but warranted Jimmy: I mean it, it were like you read my mind then and 🖋 it down Janis: as long as we're on the same 📑 I don't give a fuck how stupid it sounds Jimmy: about how cute I am? OBVS Janis: deal with it nerd Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: long as you keep it between us, call me what you like Janis: I wouldn't give me free rein like that Jimmy: as challenges go, I've accepted worse Janis: 😏 Janis: won't be calling you nothing though, gotta be well 🤫 ain't we Jimmy: whisper to me then Janis: I'll try Jimmy: you're alright, I won't make you promise Janis: I don't really wanna get kicked out Janis: and whispering leads too easily into Janis: more Jimmy: I'm not chucking you out and no other dickhead can Janis: be mildly amusing 'cos he don't know I'd just be going to sleep in his car but Jimmy: you'll be staying here, he's still being fake nice to me Janis: weird Jimmy: might be if I didn't know exactly why Janis: ? Janis: or is a stupid question Jimmy: he weren't visited by any 👻s if that's what you're asking Jimmy: have to keep his guilty conscience and pending sexual harassments rolling onto the new year Janis: Good to know that treatment is exclusively for bosses who don't pay enough or give Christmas eve off Janis: Soz to all the Sharons, you're gonna have to keep on grinning and bearing it, babe Janis: trust him to be the 'cries when he's finished' cliche Janis: cunt Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: but Sharon can come for your oscar and man tomorrow when she's got him and the place all to herself so she'll be chuffed to bits if no other other dickhead is Janis: 😬 Janis: gutted to be doing him any kind of favour, obvs Jimmy: leaving the 🐕 will 💔 them Janis: nothing like dog shit to ruin the mood Jimmy: or piss or 😭 Janis: she will be devvo if she ain't invited to join in Jimmy: 🤞 she'll be gutted enough to piss off Janis: you're so rude Janis: piss off and find you, you blatantly mean Jimmy: if that were my type I wouldn't have been after rescuing at the pub Janis: are we talking about Sharon or the dog? Jimmy: either or Jimmy: both a bit easy going with their 👅 Janis: and neither cuts their own fringe so what's the point eh Jimmy: exactly Janis: 🤓🎨😍 Jimmy: won't catch either of them in overalls that's OBVS me out Janis: 😂 don't Jimmy: them lasses probably would have a go at 🚬 with a 🖍 Janis: your brother is already cooler than you, I'd keep it quiet Jimmy: you're right, they'd kidnap him Jimmy: which is only #goals when I go on about it Janis: that's dubious at best but sure Jimmy: 😏 Janis: if you ever offered to kidnap me, maybe Janis: the 💘 is 💀 Jimmy: you come too willingly, nowt I can do about that Janis: rude Janis: try making me not wanna Jimmy: you're already on your way here or will be in a bit Jimmy: picked the wrong day to play hard to get Janis: plenty of time to turn around Jimmy: don't mean I wanna give you loads of chances Janis: fair, calling me easy again was a bold enough choice to count for multiple goes Jimmy: only compliment you've ever taken to 💘 Janis: ha Jimmy: any time you'd rather I go on about what hard work you are Jimmy: just say Janis: you poor #lads just can't win, is that what you're saying? Jimmy: it'll do Janis: 😏 Janis: just know what to say and exactly when to say it, christ Janis: not hard Jimmy: 👍 Janis: real lads do have the shitty end of the deal, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't know Jimmy: only a fake lad Janis: right Janis: got the little shorts and hat and everything Janis: cute Jimmy: what? Janis: Pinocchio Janis: the look Jimmy: Dunno him or where he gets his ootds Janis: oh Janis: awkward this isn't a homage Jimmy: bit awkward for you that he ain't my mate 'cause his dad is just your type 👴💕 Janis: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: we're all 💔 I don't have #lads to go to the pub with Janis: you ain't Janis: last time I brought it up you made that clear Jimmy: that'll by why I were in character 🤥 for you Jimmy: nowt if not supportive of your kinks, me Janis: 😱 Janis: can't believe you don't respect how important the #gurlgang is Jimmy: you can be 😱 after you've respected the 🤥📏 tah Janis: you and size Jimmy: doing you a MASSIVE favour is just the kind of lad I am Janis: wow, so thankful Jimmy: 🎁's just keep coming Jimmy: 💘'll never 💀💀💀 while I'm offering my face as a seat Janis: you might suffocate though Janis: 😳 Jimmy: top of my list for how I wanna 💀💀💀 now Jimmy: gutted I never thought of it sooner Janis: easily done Jimmy: ✔ Janis: don't ✔ like that's not a mental image that could make me crash, dickhead Jimmy: it were you who were going on about turning the car round and that like that weren't gonna make me say owt I could so you wouldn't Janis: as if I was going to Jimmy: now you won't Janis: I wasn't going to Janis: but any chance to 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: any chance to let you Janis: nothing more 💘 than that Jimmy: is that a challenge or what? Janis: you want it to be? Jimmy: do you want it to be? Janis: in what world am I going to say no? Jimmy: dunno, might be a world where you don't want your big head setting off the airbag Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: [🔥🔥 sext obvs like any chance to also kill you] Janis: I Jimmy: you Janis: no, you Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: it feels like yours Jimmy: not to me Janis: I'm alright taking the blame for how you feel Jimmy: you can handle that an' all, yeah? Janis: you don't think I can? Jimmy: never said that Janis: Good Janis: because I can and I want to Jimmy: take it then Janis: [show up gal] Janis: I'm here Jimmy: [let her in and do that trope where you just kiss her immediately and against the door when you've closed it and while you're taking off her coat] Janis: [such a romcom forever] Jimmy: [can't and won't ever resist] Janis: [we're here for it shameless rn] Jimmy: [the question is are we saying that everyone is still up and about rn or are they asleep?] Janis: [hmm 'cos either is viable depends what vibe we want to achieve here] Jimmy: [yeah and there are pros and cons to either] Janis: [it'd be rude but potentially plot-driving/fun to have her first interaction with Ian because she hasn't yet] Jimmy: [bonus points if he's like asleep on the sofa or something because what a christmas mood and they wake him up either deliberately or accidentally] Janis: [what a dad, too full and drunk] Jimmy: [literally too perfect of a cliche not to take advantage of] Janis: [you're probably not gonna want to on purpose rn because we're in a #mood but Cass should blatantly still be up even if Bobby ain't and be like DAD JIMMYS GF IS HERE 'cos lord knows she's bored rn] Jimmy: [JJ just trying to have their makeout sesh, but I'll forgive you Cass we know you're upset because your mum isn't here and you know Jimothy and Ian have brawled because even if you didn't hear or witness it that's the only time Ian is ever nice to him so] Janis: [and you're 12 so 'nuff said on all counts] Jimmy: [mhmm, soz you gotta deal with Ian's fake niceness though Janis because that's not a mood] Janis: [ew, at least shit nan is honest is nothing else, lmao, just trying to take Jimmy's lead of the vibe he wants like are we being rude or fake nice back or what 'cos nothing in it for you beyond helping him out so] Jimmy: [would not have the strength to be fake nice to you if Bobby is not around rn because only doing it ever for his sake so have fun trying to keep it up Ian when we're just getting the bae a drink from your stash and doing our best to leave you unacknowledged like we're the deaf one] Janis: [at least we can be our usual charming selves then] Jimmy: [like we can't be rude enough he'll say you can't take the kids with you tomorrow hence we're just not saying anything because temptation to just tell him to fuck off always] Janis: [just some sly shade, easily done, also I hope you didn't come looking like a hoe 'cos assumptions that are lowkey a bit racial already being made without doing that] Jimmy: [we all know he isn't gonna like you no matter what gal, we'll get out of there as soon as we can honestly] Janis: [how dare you, but no, we would not want you to like us, we know your game hun] Jimmy: [it'll be fun af when we lowkey move you in and it's just 24/7 piss off Ian time] Jimmy: [but for now take the bottle and run lads] Janis: [soz that didn't work Cass but you know] Jimmy: [Jimothy needs this rn, soz you don't have your bf yet but you'll understand when you do] Janis: [you'll get your whole squad soon] Jimmy: [we'll all be living our best lives but for now we're just trying to survive the festive season so] Jimmy: [it makes me happy to know that Janis' arrival will have wound Twix up so you won't be able to just go back to sleep Ian] Janis: [go take that poor dog for a piss sir] Jimmy: [because we are not doing it, we're going upstairs good day] Janis: [buh-bye] Jimmy: [boy just downing however much drink was in his glass as he goes cos fml and also we've spent an age pretending we're not physically hurting which is not a mood either] Janis: [actually needed, so you can't say nothing Ian] Jimmy: [hopefully you left all your presents downstairs cos your room isn't very big and we don't need them everywhere] Janis: [and Bobby is in his bed, we gotta lay that boy down like get comfy] Jimmy: [the biggest sigh in the world, imagine] Janis: [copying him but laying down next to him carefully so we don't squash him] Jimmy: [going to write on her but we don't know what to say so we're just 👀] Janis: [doing an impression of nice Ian to try and make him lol Jimmy: [you know it's spot on but that just reminds him what a dick Ian is so we just shake our head like ffs but obvs not at you gal] Janis: [yeah, mistake to make hen but we don't know what to do, little horizontal feelsy lean like !!!] Jimmy: [we're doing it back even if it hurts because we don't care, the feelsy lean is sacred] Janis: ['he's such a twat' the reassurance he doesn't need but we're saying it so seriously] Jimmy: [can't help genuinely smiling because you know Ian is the kind of person who everyone thinks is just such a standard dad and we obvs didn't think the bae would fall for it but there's always gonna be a part of us thinking he's right and we're wrong so the relief] Janis: [we all know the kind, just parenting you, psh, but we smiling back 'cos love to see it] Jimmy: [😍 because she's cute and we're in love] Janis: [gotta kiss him soft] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be soft because we know you both like it] Janis: [a good excuse because we are not trying to injure you boy forreal, but the restraint is a killer lmao] Jimmy: [the perfect excuse for you to show her how good you are with your hands even if you don't remember/are pretending you don't remember that bit of the drunken christmas eve convo because you can keep your distance a lil bit more but still kill her] Janis: [enjoy trying not to die gal, 'cos whilst making Ian overhear you is funny, waking the kid is not so shh] Jimmy: [at least he's deaf so you've got less chance than if you were at mcvickers house and Libi was just like oh hey, speaking of the caravan when you're snowed in is gonna be hilarious casually no privacy ever] Janis: [that's true, how do you wake up a deaf person except for rudely shaking them like HELLO also how do they know when there's a fire/any other kind of alarm, questions I have but are not entirely relevant rn, won't make Cass hate us that much already lmao, 'cos honestly, need an ally in you when Skerries alone] Jimmy: [I've seen vibrating ones that they can like put under their pillow and shit which is slightly less rude than just being like OI but yeah, we can win Cass over during this unexpectedly longer trip than we thought we'd be on] Jimmy: [but for now have a drink and recover gal] Janis: [a good idea, ang would like that] Janis: [lowkey pouty like you can't immediately return the favour but you simply cannot soz] Jimmy: [doing the pouty lip bite thing won't help but we simply must nevertheless] Janis: ['that's illegal'] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we're pretending doesn't hurt because we're fine] Janis: [obviously we notice 'cos in what world aren't we 'should really bandage you up' and looking like do you have any in or do we need to get that tomorrow] Jimmy: [🤨 because it's such a foreign concept that anyone actually cares about us that we can't hide our genuine surprise/confusion and then we have to go look because we're like this is awkward how dare she care about me, let's say there is so you can chuck them at her] Janis: ['that's what you need to do' like he's just thinking it's bullshit advice, unravel some of that bandage after it's thrown at you 'it'll heal faster' and gesturing for him to take his top off 'can be a mummy for a bit, ghost boy'] Jimmy: [obvs gonna throw his top at her as well because always] Janis: [pretending it's so gross like ew] Jimmy: [equally as obvs then getting all up in her grill like if you thought that was gross you'll HATE this] Janis: [the pretence of being #horrified is so thinly veiled, but focus gal, gotta bandage him up as tightly as you can so it's more comfortable for him, the casual intimacy, bye, pretend we do not notice] Jimmy: [what a mcvickers-esque moment] Janis: [truly] Jimmy: [do a ✔ on her in the same place as the bandage is like okay job done and because you do feel better for it and most importantly just shamelessly wanna touch her bare skin whenever we can] Janis: [dramatically stop breathing for a sec 'yeah?'] Jimmy: [kiss her as dramatically to show her you can without it hurting as much as it did before] Janis: [can't even fake mad about it] Jimmy: [interrupt this makeout sesh for long enough to casually pour some of whatever this bottle is into her mouth because it's always a saucy mood and she has earned it by nursing you back to health] Janis: [too much of a mood frankly we're so about it, also nice throwback to literally last night what is time] Jimmy: [gonna have to let y'all hook up because this boy has no chill but just be really careful please] Janis: [just let him lead and you should be fine] Jimmy: [gotta be soft so that's a whole new mood in itself because you have not yet] Janis: [feeding him drink in the same manner after but that likewise feels really soft 'cos basically doing it like it's medicine at this point like you gotta, then removing whatever clothes you got left on to get in bed] Jimmy: [shameless snuggling will ensue because we will play tetris if needs be until we find a position that's comfortable for you both to be in] Janis: [drawing the ✔ on him when we're settled but also a ❓] Jimmy: [taking her hand and turning it into a 👍 and then giving it a lil thank you squeeze before adding his own ? to ask if she's alright too] Janis: [snuggling down as a response] Jimmy: [a happy sigh compared to the dramatic one earlier] Janis: ['Jimmy-' but stopping 'cos don't know what you think you're gonna say hen] Jimmy: [the softest 'what?' ever] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING for a hot sec 'merry christmas'] Jimmy: [obvs we're saying it back even though we know that's not what she was gonna say] Janis: [you better stop] Jimmy: [will draw 😁 on you is it a pisstake/ are we this buzzing that the bae is here and tomorrow we can leave/do we wanna just touch her always/is it all of these] Janis: [gonna say we got lost on that one so we're just like what are you talking about boy/tickled like oi] Jimmy: [doing it again more slowly and deliberately so it'll tickle more and she might get it so we don't have to do it with our face if she doesn't lol] Janis: [just loling like staph 'I'm either gonna fall out or fuck you up here' but not mad, obvs] Jimmy: [hold onto her so she can't fall out and that's ofc the only reason] Janis: [random but have we ever said whether the caravan is 2 or 3 bedrooms?] Jimmy: [I don't think we've ever specified but I assume it's on the bigger side because mcvickers own it and all the fam ever] Janis: [let's go with 3 then, a double and 2 singles, makes sense, usually have a way to make beds in the lounge too] Jimmy: [I'll try and remember that for all the other people and gens it affects lol] Janis: [write that down boo lol]

[ghost-nabbers-imagines]

👶 The baby is mine isnt it? Larry x reader

Ok so two things about this request. One, this is Larry's I have one started for Sal but really wanted to get this one up And two, a trigger warning is in effect. And in both instances the husband or boyfriend is an asshole who does not treat you well but it's going to be bad in Sal's.

Larry

I never meant to be the kinda guy who slept with another man's girlfriend. People who cheated on their partners were assholes and I wasn't like that. However, Sebastian was worse than any other asshole I've ever met. I've always thought he treated (Y/n) terribly and that she deserved better. I mean the guy treated her like shit, he was constantly poking fun at her, and making her feel bad about herself.

The day the affair happened she showed up at my door crying about how he had apparently cheated on her with a friend of his. We spent the night at my place hanging out like always except we got a bit too drunk and ended up having sex. It was the best sex I'd ever had with anyone and I knew that my love for her was genuine. I thought she felt the same way about me, I thought she would leave him and finally be mine. But I was so wrong.

She all but promised me she was leaving him that they were done. She told me she was leaving him for good this time, but a month later they were back together and she was avoiding me all together. I noticed she was different after that, more closed off, distant, almost scared. It was two months after that Ashley informed us that (Y/n) was pregnant. The news broke my heart and shocked me to my core.

It took me two weeks to get fed up with my feelings and to tell myself I had to to confront her about it. Pulling my hood up over my messy brown hair I trudged down the snow covered pavement. My hands were trembling and my mouth was dry, not because of the weather but from nerves to how she'd be towards me. Had I become a dirty secret that she wanted to hide away? Did she lie when she said she'd always felt that way?

As I knocked on her door a million ways this could go wrong flashed through my head. 'Shes pregnant with his baby what are you doing here?' My head practically screamed at me. Before I could turn and run the lock clicked and the door opened. (Y/n) peaked her head through the door her eyes widening when she saw me. She stepped out into the hallway closing the door.

"Hey Larry."

"Hey really that's all you have to say?"

"I'm sorry I know this is hard to understand right now but please try and believe me I'm doing what's best."

"I thought you were leaving him but now all of a sudden your pregnant?"

"Larry I wanted to leave I did but the baby changed things."

"Did you know you were pregnant when we slept together?"

"N-no I swear I-"

"And what about how much we drank that night? Did you tell the doctor you had gotten drunk within the first month?"

"Larry-"

"No please explain to me how you could be so damn careless. Not just to me but to the baby. And with everything you've told me about that jackass how could you want to raise a kid with him? Do you seriously think he'll get any better? For fucks sake (Y/n) are you really gonna let him treat your kid that bad?"

I truly didn't want to be yelling at her but I couldn't help it I was angry and hurt. Silent tears were cascading down her cheeks falling to the floor. Part of me wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her and stop her tears but the other part of me was focused on the pain in my chest. She didn't bother to wipe her tears away till the door clicked open again. Sebastian stepped out a frown already plastered on his face.

He glared at me in a way animals look at their rivals. It took every ounce of strength I had to not pounce on him, however whether I liked it or not he was still the father of her child. She would need him and that almost angered me even more. "What's going on here?" He asked putting his arm around (Y/n)'s shoulders making her flinch. I clenched my jaw shut balling my hands up into fists in my hoodie pockets.

"Nothing. I was just leaving." I scoffed turning to leave. "Wait Larry please." (Y/n) pleaded in a broken voice making me stop in my tracks. "Yeah. Larry (Y/n) hasn't told you the good news yet." He said in an odd voice. I turned to face the two, (Y/n) was looking away fresh tears pooling in her eyes. He had a boastful smile as he lifted up her left hand revealing a small diamond ring.

I like a sharp knife had pierced right into my heart at the sight. (Y/n) couldn't face me but she had tears falling down her face again. "We're engaged. Right after graduation we're getting married and then moving to Santa Fe with my mom." He informed me. "Congrats. You deserve each other really." I spat turning to leave their building. I felt numb but also broken as I made my way home.

What was the point of any of this any more? The girl I'd been in love with since fifth grade was pregnant and engaged to another man. I had truly lost her for good. I hated thinking I had become just another regret to her. Our drunken one night stand was nothing but that to her while I had hoped it would be the first of many times I'd get to be intimate with the girl i loved.

With slumped shoulders and silent tears I made my way into the apartments. Sal would be with Ashley so I knew I could get what I needed from his apartment. I grabbed the bottle of pills petting Gizmo on my way out. Next I went out to the treehouse turning on some of my favorite music taking a seat in a bean bag chair. I sat pondering the whole situation while staring at the bottle of pills now sitting on my shelf.

"She chose him over you." The voice in my head whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to focus on the lyrics and drown out the voice. "They're going to get married, and have their baby and you'll just be a bad memory she wants to forget." The voice continued. I cranked up the music louder pressing my hands to my ears but it was no use. The voice was in my head, and unfortunately it was right.

Finally giving in I quickly scratched a note for mom and Sal. Once it was finished I began taking the pills followed by a swig of Fireball I kept up in my treehouse. I didn't cry or feel angry it was like something inside me was urging me to continue to take the pills. I made sure to include an apology about taking the pills to Sal in my note. Pretty soon there was only a small amount of pills left and I was feeling almost relieved.

As I took the last pill I leaned back in my beanbag chair my eyes landing on a Polaroid of (Y/n) and I. It had been taken by Sal just two weeks before the affair. Despite the drowsiness overwhelming me I picked up the picture a sad weak smile on my face. (Y/n) had a really bad day at school between Sebastian being a dick and apparently having her period, she ended up borrowing my jacket so she could tie her jacket around her waist. That's when it clicked in my head.

I tried to do the math in my head but I was slipping into unconsciousness quicker than I could add. The world began to get darker and darker. The last thing I saw before I passed out was (Y/n)'s beautiful face. I felt like such an idiot. Now both my girl and my baby would be stuck with that monster.

The next thing I knew I was standing across from my own corpse. "No! No I take it back! I'm not ready! I don't want to die!" I screamed at my slumped over body. Black opaque tears began to fall from my eyes never landing on the floor but disappearing mid air. "No you asshole! The babys yours! Wakeup and go save them before it's too late!" I yelled at my corpse. It was too late, I'd truly lost them both for good now because of my issues.

"Larry dear dinner is ready!" I heard my mom call from the ground. My poor mom would he the one to find me rather than Sal or anyone else. I felt even guiltier for leaving my mom alone. First my dad disappears on her now I kill myself? I felt selfish for leaving so may people behind.

"I'm so sorry mom." I whispered unmaterializing so she wouldnt see me. I stood there and listened as she called me once more still not getting any response. She began climbing the treehouse ladder mumbling something if I was asleep up here in this weather she'd kick my ass. My ghostly tears quickened hearing my mom's voice. When she reached the top of she immediately noticed the bottles and my body.

"Oh no oh god! Larry!" She screamed tears falling down her face. She kneeled next to my body her hand reaching up to feel my forehead. I could practically still feel her warmth but she felt how cold my body was. "Someone help! Please oh god be ok Lar Bear!" She screamed through sobs. She turned me on my side trying to get me to vomit.

Henry came running out to the bottom of the treehouse. "Lisa what is it what's wrong?" He asked in the same panicked voice Sal has sometimes. My mom tried and failed getting me to throw up the pills. "Call 911 Henry hurry!" She sobbed. Henry shakily pulled out his phone and ordered for an ambulance to come quickly before joining my mom in the treehouse.

"Oh no Larry." He said in a saddened voice as he knelt down next to mom who was cradling my head in her lap sobbing and taking her fingers through my hair. "My poor Lar bear." She choked out. I kneeled next to them placing my hand on my mom's shoulder making her turn and face where I was confused. I knew she wasnt ready to see me yet but I kept my hand there till the sirens came.

I watched from the treehouse as the loaded my body into a bag and into an ambulance. My mom and Henry went with a couple officers leaving me alone. After rematerializing I debated going into the actual apartments and talking to Megan but before I could I heard someone shouting my name. "Larry? Larry! Did you think that was funny? Because it was a really sick fucking joke." Sal's shaky voice yelled. I looked down to see him climbing up the treehouse.

Taking a deep breath I stood back preparing to deal with a very hurt best friend. When he got up to the treehouse he was shaking and had clearly been crying before. His eyes wondered up and down my ghost form seeing that it was in fact not a joke. "No. Not you. How could do this? How could you leave?" He said through a sob. "I'm sorry Sally Face. I left you and my mom a note. I went to see (y/n) today and Sebastian said they were getting married and moving so I lost it. I felt broken so I came back here to do this." I explained.

He shook his head sadly using his sleeve to wipe under the prosthetic. "I'm sorry Sal the voices got to me. By the time I realized the truth it was too late." I said apologizing. "Realized what truth?" He asked confused. "I found that picture the one you took remember?" I explained pointing towards the picture.

Despite being hurt and angry he leaned down grabbing the Polaroid. "Yeah that's the day you spent like all night cheering up (Y/n) and making her smile as much as you possibly could." He said confused as to why this was important. "Do you remember why I had to give (Y/n) my hoodie even though she's got a flannel around her waist?" I asked pointing to her in the picture. Sal went to speak but before he did his eyes got wide and he looked up to me.

"Oh my god dude!" He yelled shocked. "I know. I'm an asshole and now I'm no better than my dad." I said sadly. For along time I had a constant battle in my head about why my dad had left and why he didnt want me. Now here I was abandoning my baby and (Y/n). It made me hate myself even more to think about.

"But Larry you have to stop her from going!"

"How the hell do I do that when I'm stuck here? Not to mention, what would I say 'oh hey i know I'm dead and all but since you're pregnant with my baby you should stay in town and not marry that fuck head of a boyfriend of yours."

"You have to do something Larry. I mean she can actually see you and the baby will able to too."

"You're right as always little dude. Just hopefully she'll come over here after I was so horrible."

Not even minutes later we could here someone calling for both Sal and I. The voice was sad and scared but i recognized it immediately. "Go ahead hide for a second I'll try to break it to her." Sal said. I nodded unmaterializing as Sal and I made our way down from the treehouse it seemed like I could only go as far as the ground underneath the treehouse. The sight of (Y/n) almost hurt worse than that of my mom.

Her eyes were red and puffy and she had tear streaks down her slightly pink cheeks. She had a hand on her stomach the other clutching the necklace that had been a birthday present from me. I'd recognize the guitar pick anywhere it had been one I'd gotten at a Santiy's fall concert that she'd been to sick to go to. "Tell me it's not true Sal. Tell me it wasnt him." She pleaded crying. Sal pulled off his mask before comfortingly grabbing one of her hands.

"I'm so sorry (Y/n). But you should know he loved you so much." Sal said as she gradually lost it more at his words. She began shaking her head her other hand covering her mouth. "No! No no it's not true it's not true!" She cried out sinking to the ground. My heart ached and screamed for me to hold her but I knew I couldn't yet. Sal crouched down next to her placing a gentle hand on her back.

"(Y/n) do you remember what Larry and I told you about this place. About how we showed you Megan?" He asked trying to ease her into the subject. She looked up sniffling thinking for a brief minute. "About the ghosts? I thought we made all that stuff up." She said tears still falling down her precious face. Sal shook his head before answering "it was all real Megan was real. If you die in this building you stay here. Larry is still here." He told her. She let out another small sob.

"Where is he?" She asked looking towards the treehouse. I took a deep breath and materialized making her eyes widen in shock and she stood up quickly. "I'll give you some time alone." Sal said excusing himself. I turned my stare to the ground I couldn't look at her knowing what I had done. "Oh Larry. I'm so sorry this is all my fault." She said sadly. I finally looked up at her meeting her sad eyes.

"No I'm sorry. I was an asshole. A jealous fucking asshole and I'm so sorry."

"Larry theres something you should know. About-"

"The babys mine isnt it?"

She nodded and I felt myself begin to weep again. I fell to my knees the pain of this whole situation hitting me again. She moved in front of me and I wrapped my arms around her waist letting my head barely lean against her stomach. Her arms hovering around my neck. I sobbed into her stomach till I felt something gently nudge my cheek.

I looked up to face (Y/n) confused but she gave me a weak smile moving my hand to her stomach placing hers next to mine. "She's kicking." She whispered. Sure enough I felt the smallest little nudge once again. My face broke out into a grin. "She? I have a daughter?" I asked happily. She nodded giggling "Yes Larry we're gonna have a little girl."

My grin only got bigger as I stood up pulling her into as much of a hug as I could manage. "I fucking love you (y/n). I know i can't really be what you need considering I'm a ghost but I want to be a part of your life and our little girl's life." I told her pulling away from the hug but continuing to hold her hands. When I looked down I saw her hand no longer had a ring. "I want that too bear. I told Sebastian earlier it was over. That I wanted to be with my baby's actual father. He yelled and threatened me but I had already packed up my stuff and left. I was heading here when the ambulances passed me. I asked someone out front and they told me the young stoner Overdosed in the treehouse." She said frowning. "I'll have Sal fix my note to mom so she knows about you." I told her knowing despite my moms broken heart she would love to take care of her grandbaby and sort of daughter in law.

"Does Lisa know about any of this? Or about you still being here?" She asked. "No I haven't talked to her about it yet. She asked why you weren't coming over anymore I just told her you were back with him. And I dont think shes ready to see me just yet." I explained making her nod her head. Sal came back out his prosthetic back on but I could tell he too had been crying. "Hey Sal can you grab my note from the treehouse I need to have you change something." I asked smiling at my best friend. He smiled back climbing the treehouse before returning with the note and a pen.

"Tell my mom what happened, that I thought I was losing them both and how much I really longed for (y/n) to be mine and the baby to be mine. And add that Henry was the best step dad I could have asked for." I told him. He scribbled everything down as close to my handwriting as he could get before folding the note back up. "(Y/n) you can stay with me tonight if you'd like and go to Lisa's tomorrow." Sal told (Y/n). She turned back towards me smiling softly. "I'd ask to stay in the treehouse with you but I take it you won't want me climbing up there and everything. I laughed shaking my head. "I'll be watching over you dont worry." I promised.

~your pov~

The next morning I made my way down to Lisa's apartment with a lasagna I had picked up the stuff to have Sal help with. From the outside of the door I could hear Lisa's soft crying coming from inside. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door. After a couple minutes the door opened to reveal Henry. "You hang out with the boys, (Y/n) right?" He asked observing my growing belly. I forced myself to nod with a smile before answering "Yeah Hi Mr. Fisher. I wanted to bring this by for Lisa."

A moment later Lisa appeared next to Henry. "(Y/n) sweetheart come in." She sniffled offering me a broken smile. Henry let me in and took the lasagna to the kitchen for me. Lisa pulled me into a hug holding me tightly. She was wearing her pajamas but with one of Larry's jackets on. "He loved you so much dear I hope you know that." She said with a small sob.

"I know Lisa. I loved him too. I'm so sorry this is my fault. If I had just told him the truth about the baby, or if I hadn't been so scared of Sebastian he'd still be here. I'm so so sorry." I choked out feeling myself break down into tears again. Lisa pulled away pushing some of my hair back. "Now dont you talk like that Larry wouldn't want you blaming yourself or stressing about his actions. We'll all miss him of course but he wouldnt want you to be in so much pain in this state. He loved you and if you're saying what I think you are he would have loved this baby too. It's not your fault you were in an impossible situation." She told me sternly. I nodded trying to wipe away some of the tears. "The babys a girl. I wanted so badly to go tell Larry when I found that out. But Sebastian said if I talked to him there wouldn't be a baby to talk about." I admitted making Lisa frown before smiling and putting a comforting arm around me as we sat on the couch.

"Where are you staying dear?" She asked taking a sip from a mug on the coffee table. "I stayed with Sal last night once I found out about Larry. I was coming over here to talk to him about our baby but I got here too late." I sniffled. I pulled the picture from my pocket, I had brought a copy of the ultrasound picture for Lisa. She smiled grabbing the picture. "Is this her?" She asked. I nodded smiling at the picture of my daughter and her granddaughter.

"I hope she has Larry's eyes." I sighed. "Hopefully she doesn't have his nose. My father gave him that nose and he hated it. I cant imagine it's a trait he'd want to pass on." Lisa said with a pained laugh. "Oh god yeah. I kinda hope she does. It'd be like having a little Larry running around." I laughed. "What if you moved into Larry's room? I couldn't stand the idea of getting rid of his things or donating any of it." She suggested looking up from the photo. "Are you sure I dont want to impose Lisa especially with everything that's happened." I asked. She shook her head smiling. "Of course dear. I could use more family right now." She smiled.

~Third person pov~

Over the next couple months you lived happily with Lisa helping her around the house while she helped you with baby stuff. You spent most of your time after school hanging out with Larry in the treehouse. Sal and Lisa went with you to your appointments. Sal would take his walkie and let Larry listen in each time. Of course when you'd get back you'd go straight to him and talk to him about it anyways. As the baby was born and got older Larry was an amazing father in your opinion. He was always there for you and your child.

~Lex💛

[fal-carrington]

Just The Two Of Us Pt.4

Pairing: Kamilah x Mc x Adrian

Disclaimer: The Characters are NOT mine

(Part 1) (Part2) (Part 3)

Prompt: After the last night fighting against Gaius, before his fall, he puts his plan into execution, changing the lives of Adrian, Kamilah and Mia forever. Friendships may end, a heart may be broken and a new love may arise. In the end who will win the girl's heart? 

Tag List: @galaxyside-0 @zoe6111 @rocket-scientist07 @scarlet-letter-a0114 @gavryllo @loveshamelessly @thecleveridiot09 @jen825 @zerozone-80 @whoinvitedalx @kamilahspet @ilovekamilahsayeed @sleeping-with-her06 @rubyheartjane @incorrectbloodboundquotes @bucket-harrington @desiree-0816 @kamilahspet @riyalovestaylor @iam-the-fuckin-queen @thepotatobleh @pizzapyjamas @deereboy97 @justejuste727 @jellymonster @tigerbryn11 @awesome-maxs-stuff

2 months later

Ahmanet Financial, Wednesday, 22h44pm

Mia sighed, breathing deeply a few times before entering Kamilah's building. She needed to talk to Kamilah, urgently. The two of them had not been on the same page for months... Actually, they never had been on the same page. Now more than ever, she needed for the very first time to Kamilah give in. But how could she? Kamilah only saw her as troublemaker, an irresponsible and stubborn child. Mia always thought about the day that her wife would take her seriously. There was no possible situation where Kamilah would agree to do this for her, but she needed to try.

She glanced around the large elegant hall of the building, encountering several well dressed men and women, seated in black armchairs, at the counter. The black lettering "Ahmanet Financial" intimidated her. Only 23 years old and she was the wife of the owner. Soon, the feeling that she did not belong to that place, invaded her chest. She bit her own lips impatiently, and with steady steps marched to the counter. Three men in suits were sitting typing on computers.

"Good night. Hi, I—" She tried to say, but the guy interrupted her.

"Deliveries are made in the back." The guy said without even looking at her.

Mia opened her mouth, shock and surprise took her.

"Excuse me? I'm not a deliverer,” she said, leaning against the counter.

"What do you want?" The guy asked impatiently.

"I came here to talk with Kamilah," she clarified. The guy in response let out a wry smile, as if he were mocking her. Mia frowned.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Uh... No. I don’t need one.”

"Mrs Sayeed does not receive nobody without an appointment, in fact, she hates to receive someone who is not on her agenda. She is not available to receive anyone who wants to come and talk to her.” The guy said without looking up, typing quickly.

“This guy is serious?” Mia thought to herself. "Anyone?" Mia laughed, running a hand through her blond hair. "Do you know who I am?"

"No. And honestly, I do not care to figure it out.” The guy looked up for the first time, directly into the girl's green eyes, scanning her clothes from top to bottom, which made her uncomfortable. "Look, you're very pretty. If you want to speak to Mrs Sayeed you will have to come back another day and set the time in advance. Or if you'd prefer to give me your name, so I can put it on the list, if do not mind waiting in one of the chairs... Even though there's no chance she'll see you today.” He typed again on his keyboard, indifferent.

“Alright.” Mia smirked. "The name’s Miranda."

"Miranda..." He typed.

"... Sayeed." At the mention of the surname, the three of them looked at her. The dimpled smile grew on her face, her brow furrowed with irony.

"...And I'm Lady Gaga." Another commented, laughing, as the other three did the same, Mia rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious, you idiots." She sighed, starting to get angry. “I need to see Kamilah. And if I do not see my wife right away, I'll be happy to see your butts get fired”

"Get out before I call the security guards." The first one told her.

"Are you kidding me? Do you know who you're talking to you fucking whore?” Mia raised her voice. At the same instant, a familiar figure emerged from Kamilah's personal elevator. Karen. Her personal assistant. Karen carried her tablet in her hands, walked with the same elegance and grace as ever. A smile flashed across her face as her eyes met Mia's.

Mia's smile could not get wider when she saw Kamilah’s assistant

"You guys are all fucked up," she whispered to the three of them.

"Mrs Sayeed, what a pleasant surprise! You’re back!." She approached. Mia turned to her with a huge grin on her face, laughing inwardly at the three who froze with Karen's presence, and the words she'd let go before she even approached.

"Hi Karen, how are you?" Mia crossed her arms.

"I’m great. Mrs Sayeed did not mention that you would come today.”

"Oh, I wanted to make a surprise. I hope Kamilah is not busy.”

"She just left a meeting. She has an hour to spare. How was your trip? I hope it was good."

"It was amazing! thank you for asking, Karen. So I guess I'll see Kamilah... My wife. Anytime I want and without an appointment, because I don’t need one!” She shrugged, laughing exaggeratedly, out of the corner of her eye she could see the red color on the faces of the three of them. When Karen stepped forward, Mia took one last look back, before lifting her middle finger to them and followed her.

“I don’t understand.” Mia said after a few minutes of silence between her and Karen in the elevator.

“What?” She asked.

“Why nobody believes that Kamilah got married?”

“I believe it is because Kamilah is not very… Open.” Karen took a deep breath, contemplating to respond in a kind manner. “She just... Don’t care about getting closer to people, obviously she has more important matters to deal with.”

Mia sighed. Karen left her in Kamilah's huge, elegant office, which was empty at the moment. Mia looked around, she’s only been there three times in her entire life, it was strange to stay in that environment without Kamilah.

"Make yourself at home, Kamilah will return to her office at any moment. I'll let her know that you're here.” Karen smiled sympathetically. Mia smiled back, awkwardly.

"Karen?" Mia called her before she walked out the door.

"Yes, ma'am?" Karen stopped.

"Do you... Do you think Kamilah will be happy when she finds out I'm here?" She asked uncertainly. Karen paused for a moment, as if reflecting how to answer to that, her intense gaze slightly annoying Mia.

"I think she'll be delighted with your presence," she replied, Mia knew it was a lie, but she smiled back, anyway. Karen left.

Kamilah’s pov

"...It's not about the money, they've been our clients for years, I'm not going to lose this contract for Mannon Financial, maybe we should think of a better strategy to close this deal." Kamilah said contemptuously as she walked the halls of Ahmanet Financial with her assistant. The last winter weeks had been pleasantly quiet for the CEO, since Mia had discovered an ONG which the main project was building houses for the unfortunates, and had the idea of ​​going to do volunteer work in Colômbia, Kamilah could not support her any more, the idea of her getting rid of her wife for weeks or maybe months, it never seemed so attractive.

Months married, months of drama with Adrian and a childish rivalry between the two. She just had a lot of work to do, and getting involved with Mia was not on her mind. Now she had her penthouse and her bed only for herself and no kind of family stress.

"...Maybe we should go back with the idea of ​​end of the year gifts? Whiskey and cigars, as usual” Karen proposed.

"It's not a bad idea, they're traditional men and like every year, they'll appreciate that," Kamilah said patiently. "Let’s think about this. Well, in the meantime, send me the reports in my office, I do not want to be disturbed."

"Uh, ma'am... Maybe you should know—”

"I do not want distractions, Karen. I do not want anyone in my office today." Kamilah said opening the door, and faced the last person she hoped for and wanted to see. Mia. The CEO stopped at once, a tempestuous expression forming on her face, at first confusion, shock, and then anger, as she came across that little blonde creature with cheeks and tanned skin sitting in her leather chair and with the boots on top of her desk, playing with a pen of more than five thousand dollars between her nails done.

"I was about to tell you that your wife was waiting for you in your office a few minutes ago," Karen said quietly behind Kamilah.

"I noticed," Kamilah muttered. Mia smirked, flicking her dimples between her cheeks.

"Well, I'll give you privacy," Karen said, trying to pull away.

"You stay." Kamilah told her assistant without taking her eyes off Mia, closing the door behind her. "My wife was already leaving. Get out off my chair, Miranda."

"Ugh, I hate it when you call me like that." Mia rolled her eyes. "Is that the way you talk to your wife? Did you not missed me?"

Kamilah crossed her arms, her perfect eyebrows arching as they always did when she was angry.

"Someone is in a bad mood today," Mia snapped without moving.

"You should be in Colômbia." Kamilah pointed at her.

"I was and it was wonderful, thank you for asking." Mia stood up. "Despite your unsuccessful attempt to get rid of me, I'm back."

"I do not have the patience for your little games today, I have a lot of work to do and I'm busy, as you can see," Kamilah said angrily.

“You know what would be cool? a picture of us on the table, as most couples usually use at their desks.” Mia pointed to Kamilah's desk. Kamilah rolled her eyes in response, Mia seeing the unimpressed look that Kamilah gave to her, she continued. “Oh, come on, you know your life is boring without me” She gave a charming smile to Kamilah.

"Why can not you be a normal wife and spend the credit card I gave to you?" Kamilah touched the bridge of her nose.

"Oh, you mean the limitless credit card you gave me as a form of bribe not to disturb you? No thanks, I will not spend your money.” Mia walked around the table and sat on the edge, her fingers squeezing the wood from Kamilah's table. “... And what’s wrong with my clothes, anyway?” She looked at them.

"You dress like a hipster who's about to run away with a band." Kamilah gestured to Mia's torn black jeans. "You're the wife of a CEO, you should dress like one." Mia rolled her eyes impatiently.

"I do not see anything wrong with my style, maybe that's why your receptionists treated me like crap earlier." She said in a lower tone, Kamilah frowned.

"They did what?" Kamilah asked.

"Doesn’t matter.” She shrugged trying to hide the hurt in her eyes, which was evident to Kamilah. "You know, while I was away, I did a lot of things in Colômbia, a lot of good things for many people, I did not regret it in the last few weeks, but then I realized that you just wanted to get rid of me and I was making it so much easier for you.” Kamilah rolled her eyes impatiently. "I kept in touch with my parents since I left, they were very curious about you and why I would leave the country since I’m married for such little time."

"So that's why you're back," Kamilah concluded with a small smile forming on her lips. "To keep the facade for your parents." Mia moistened her lips, moving away from the table and approaching Kamilah in slow steps with the pen swinging in her fingers.

"They mean the world to me, I'd hate to disappoint them. They are already hurt because they were not invited to our wedding and I did not tell anyone we were getting married. I'm back because my Nana's birthday will be this weekend, and I can not lose this.” A sarcastic smile formed on Kamilah's lips. Well, she would have another free weekend from Mia before she resolved to return to the penthouse.

"Well, may god be with you on this trip. You can get the jet and go.” Kamilah smiled satisfied. Mia let out a laugh.

"I don’t know what you're saying, you're going with me." Mia folded her arms, Kamilah's smile widened on her face.

"No, absolutely not. I will not waste my time on this, I have to work."

"Seriously? Jokes on you, you are going Kamilah.” Mia leaned close enough to face her wife in the eyes.

"Is that a threat?" Kamilah frowned, her brown eyes slowly shifting to red. Mia shrugged.

"You can consider what you want, I would say... This is a warning”

"Karen?" Kamilah called to her without taking her eyes off Mia. "Follow my wife out of my office, I have a lot of work to do." Kamilah took a deep breath, trying to control the anger, her eyes returning to the usual brown.

"Karen, I'm not going anywhere. Not until Kamilah gives me her word that she will go with me to Michigan. It's the least you can do for sending me away for two months, Kamilah.” She approached Kamilah, staring at the CEO in the eyes, no matter how tall Kamilah was or how terrifying she was, Mia would not give up

"Well, my efforts does not seem to work because you're back." Kamilah approached her in response, both inches apart.

"I promised I would not make things easy for you," Mia snapped.

"You have no idea who you're dealing with." Kamilah touched the girl's chin, lifting her face with her finger, bringing her face closer to Mia's until she could look closely at the iris of her green eyes.

"I'll take my chances," Mia said in response. “Do you know what I think, Kamilah? I think you're afraid, afraid of it, afraid of us. You're afraid of being in a relationship, that's why you try to push me away, that's why you act like you don't care!”

“You’re ridiculous.” Kamilah snapped back.

"I am? because every time I approach you about your feelings, you run away. You're scared, scared of feeling something, afraid of your own feelings.”

"You're my brother's ex girlfriend, he loves you, he's in love with you, you have twenty-three years old, you're the forbidden fruit, a fetus." Kamilah said angrily.

“Yeah? That’s why you can’t keep your eyes off me?” Mia snapped watching closely the look in Kamilah’s eyes. Kamilah paused in the middle of her sentence as her brown eyes lowered to admire the girl's rosy lips, the thought of how beautiful she had become with her skin sun-tanned had taken over the mind of the CEO. They both backed away as Karen cleared her throat behind them, Kamilah shaking her head, lost for that moment... That was just the effect the girl had on her.

"You're taking my time. And I'm busy." She turned around and sat down in her leather chair. "What is this?" She pointed to the package on the table. Mia sighed and turned to face her.

"Your dinner. It’s vegetarian. I thought to bring it to you,” she said, noting the surprised look on Kamilah's face. “I will not appear alone on my grandmother's birthday, you go to Michigan with me, you are my wife and you will meet my family, we are in it together until the bitter end or you forgot? So if you want to keep your image that you value so much, you will do it, if not for me, do it for yourself. You will, and that's it." She said before leaving Kamilah behind.

"Did you see that? She acts like a teenager.” Kamilah said pointing where the girl was. "Of all the punishments that Gaius could do against me... He chose the worst," she said leaning back in her chair. Karen hid the smile, which was noticed by the CEO immediately. "Is there anything you may want to share with me, Karen?" Kamilah cocked her head to the side, looking directly into her eyes.

"Mia is... A force of nature, Kamilah. She does not think about the consequences before she does things, and she certainly knows how to let you on the edge.” Karen approached Kamilah's table. "But... She is gorgeous, those eyes really are something else. And it is obvious that you two are attracted to one another"

"This is insane." Kamilah rolled her eyes, standing and walking past Karen. "I'm not attracted to my wife."

"There's nothing wrong with admitting it." Karen rushed to catch up with her in Kamilah's private elevator.

"There's absolutely everything wrong with admitting it, my brother is in love with her and she's in love with him. It would be the greatest betrayal I could ever commit.” Kamilah admitted, as the elevator stopped in the lobby of Ahmanet Financial, she stepped forward to the balcony. Spotting the three guys there. She stopped bending to look at the three of them, laughing and chatting.

"I did not know I paid all three of you to play instead of work," she said quietly and softly, catching sight of the hairs on their necks rose.

"Mrs Sayeed!" The one at the left-hand end rose, stuttering.

"We were not expecting you."

"We were just... We were..."

"I do not give a damn what you all were doing, I just came here to say that it came to my ears that my wife was here earlier. And you all did not let her come up.” She raised her eyebrows, noticing the blood rise to the three men's heads and hearts racing.

"We did not know she was your wife!"

"Oh really? Now listen well and carefully, when my wife is here, she will be treated properly and with respect, if it gets to my ears again that any of you treated her inappropriately again, I will go after the three of you, I was clear?" Kamilah threatened, her fangs threatening to appear, but she held them back in time. The three shook their heads in affirmation. "Do you all know what? I changed my mind. You’re all fired. Immediately.” Kamilah walked away from the counter, her heels banging against the floor, Karen rushed to catch up. "Reopen the application process and tell them we're hiring and I'm open to interviews, Karen." She said before they both got into the elevator. Kamilah noticed the smile on her assistant's face. "Do not look at me like that."

"You like her." Karen smiled.

"No. I don’t.... And don’t even think about telling her that I fired them."

“What did they even say? Isn't the forbidden fruit always the best?” Karen said softly wearing a look from Kamilah.

Kamilah’s and Mia penthouse, Thursday, 23h30pm

As winter drew nearer from New York, making the nights cooler, Mia sighed in relief as the elevator doors swung open for her, after months living with Kamilah in that large apartment, she was beginning to get used. Get used to her little routine and to the house. Leaving the market bags on the kitchen counter, and the keys on the key chain, Mia took off her coat and stood to save the groceries. Shopping at the grocery store, making lunch and dinner, and handling some household chores were some of the few things she did and enjoyed doing. She smiled in satisfaction when her work was ready, deep in her mind the idea of taking a hot bath in that wonderful bathtub of her suite and Kamilah’s, invaded her mind.

Mia took off her shirt, her accessories, trousers and socks when she reached the room, she casually walked to the bathroom, but upon arriving there she came upon an unexpected sight. Kamilah. That god damn it woman. Her own demon which sent directly from her personal hell was there in the bathtub.

"OH FUCK!" Mia shouted at the sight of her. Kamilah turned her face to her, frowning. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I... I did not know you.... that you were home! Why did not you yell at me from here to tell me you were here!” Mia tried to cover her eyes.

"First, I don’t “yell” and second... This is still my house too, for what I know. Do I have to warn you every time I want to take a bath? "Kamilah asked calmly.

"A text message telling you're coming home would be cool!" Mia said taking her hand out of her eyes briefly, only to be rewarded with... That image which stolen her breath away.

There was little foam in the bathtub that hour, which told her that Kamilah had been there for some time, her absolutely gorgeous brown body was partially exposed, the other half hidden by the water, her brown hair glistening wet, fallen on her shoulders, her Egyptian gold necklace stood out on her tanned skin, besides her was a glass of wine. That perfect face, wet, stared at Mia with serenity. A goddess. When Mia realized, she was staring at her like a teenager who had just seen a porn movie for the first time. She closed her mouth and tried to avoid the CEO's hypnotizing brown eyes.

Kamilah took her eyes from those stubborn green eyes, and without noticing, scanned Mia's exposed body hidden behind that tight set of bra and black lace panties. That girl had a hell of a body. She had to admit it. Even though she was incredibly pretty with a flashy body, there was something else about that girl, the way she rolled her eyes and dared to defy Kamilah made her intrigued, interested and excited.

"Perfect legs," Kamilah thought to herself with a small smile forming on her lips. "...Well, it was you who invaded the bathroom first. So, I believe It’s your fault.” Kamilah said softly looking at that body, her brows furrowed. "Or... Maybe you just wanted to see me naked, so you made up an apology." Mia noticed the way the CEO looked at her, the burning desire in Kamilah’s eyes, she reached for a towel to hide her body behind, crashing the door and leaning against it.

"I ... if I knew you were in the bathroom, I would never!" Mia rolled her eyes in disgust, a laugh escaped from Kamilah lips. Mia stopped talking as she noticed the perfect smile on Kamilah's face. "You... You're smiling. You never smile.” She lowered her shoulders and let out a smirk full of dimples. But then she regained her consciousness and swayed. "Stop smiling like that at me." The grimace returned in her face.

"You are still here aren’t you?," Kamilah observed. “Stop acting like a teenager, we’re adults, you’re my wife, it’s normal to see each other naked.”

"I have no plans to see you naked and I will not let you see my body." Mia stared at her in horror as she squeezed the towel against her body, Kamilah laughed softly sinking into the water and closing her eyes. "So... why did you decide to go back home today?" Mia asked curiously.

"Today was a stressful day, I just wanted to relax, get home and take a bath," Kamilah said softly still with her eyes closed.

"Something happened?" Mia asked curiously, coming closer and leaning against the sink.

"Just... One more day of work," Kamilah replied, Mia kept her eyes on her, studying her features. Kamilah opened her eyes, surprising her, making her change her posture. "What?" Kamilah asked.

"Nothing." Mia shook her head, feeling her face turn red. "I don’t know... I'm just not used to seeing you at home. Are you going back to work? "

"Not today," Kamilah replied sipping her drink. At the same moment, the image of having to split the bed for the very first time, invaded Mia's head. Oh, boy.

"You drink a lot," Mia said quietly.

"...And you complain too much," Kamilah snapped. Mia opened her mouth to protest.

"True." Mia shrugged, taking an unexpected smile from Kamilah. In response, Kamilah prepared to get out of the tub, making the move, Mia turned her back to her, trying to avoid looking. "Oh, God, you're getting out of the bathtub, that's something you're doing," she stammered. Behind her, Kamilah smiled as she picked up a nearby towel and wrapped her body around it.

“For someone who don’t want to look, you seems very curious.” Mia peeked over her shoulder, being greeted by a flawless white smile.

"You... Can you rush this? You know, there are some people who want to bathe.” Mia said with her back to the sink, Kamilah came wiping her hair with a towel, facing her.

"For what I know, there are more than three bathrooms in this house, you're the only one standing here against your will." Kamilah moved closer to her, narrowing her eyes, being so close to Kamilah made her uneasy, she could feel that attraction again, the heat emanating from Kamilah's body, the CEO staring at her behind the wet strokes of her hair, somehow she become even more attractive. Kamilah placed both her hands against the sink, holding her there. Mia stared at those hot brown eyes, before she could stop them — images came into her mind, holding her in that trance, sand, a lot of sand. A marble palace erected against the sands. She saw Kamilah, how beautiful she was in her black hair with a fringe, noble egyptian clothes, that perfect smile on her face. The picture went as fast as it came. The same smile lingered on Kamilah's face, unchanged by time.

"Stop doing that, it's not working," Mia said crossly, folding her arms.

"What am I doing?" Kamilah asked staring at her lips.

"You're hitting on me. I do not know why, but if you think you're going to take advantage of me with that... If you think I'm going to fall for this, you're very much mistaken, Kamilah.” Mia said with conviction. "You think you can... You think you can come to me and smile like that... With that perfect face of yours and I’m going to fell for you?? You’re wrong." Kamilah grinned even more.

"Oh, so you think my face is perfect. I did not know you were attracted to me, Mia.” Kamilah raised her eyebrows, Mia's expression make her laugh.

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"Oh, for gods sake." Mia rolled her eyes.

"I'm not hitting on you. But if I was... " Kamilah brought her face closer to Mia's, gluing her foreheads, her lips inches from hers, Mia's breath caught stuck, her whole body tingling, that cold in her belly were back so fast. — A part of her wanted, the selfish one, no matter how much she wanted to deny and push Kamilah away, a part of her wanted to kiss her desperately, there was something about Kamilah that drew her, but a sound in her head claimed that she still loved Adrian, Adrian was the man of her life, but if he was... Why did she want to kiss Kamilah so badly? "... If I was hitting you, you couldn’t take it..." Kamilah touched her chin, lifting him up to make her look at those hypnotizing brown eyes. "You could not stand a night with me, could not bear the pleasure, the desire..." her words were mere whispers against Mia's lips. “I would make you scream my name all night long, as if I were your holy grace, your salvation...”

"Kamilah..." Mia tried to say stuttering. She wanted to, only god knew how she wanted and craved that kiss. Even being... So wrong. At that moment, the image of Adrian dissipated. Any coherent thought was eliminated from her mind. Kamilah inclined her face, directing her lips to the girl's ear.

"That's exactly why nothing's going to happen between us." Mia shivered as she heard Kamilah's lips whisper in her ear, and received a small bite in her earlobe and a kiss on her cheek.”

"Great." Mia raised her nose defiantly, daring to look into Kamilah's eyes. Kamilah stood to look into her eyes. "I'll never sleep with you. I don’t have feelings for you and you don’t have for me."

"Great." Kamilah returned with a small, confident smile. "As you wish." Kamilah walked away so fast and left her alone in the bathroom before she could even think twice.

1h30am

Later that night, Mia flipped through her book patiently, amused by the story, enough to not hear the front door open and close, giving way to Kamilah, who entered the room with warm eyes on the girl.

"I didn't know you had a preference for the right side of the bed." Kamilah said softly with a playful smile on her face. Mia looked up from the book, and almost immediately her face turned red when she saw the CEO standing by the door, wearing nothing, but a black silk nightgown that valued her beautiful body and breasts. Mia had never seen so much skin before.

“Holy fuck.” She thought to herself. “I’m screwed. That’s it.”

"It's... I... It's near the bathroom," she stammered, drawing a smile from Kamilah. "I don't have to go around the bed."

“Hmmm. I see.” Kamilah raised her brow, letting Mia's face turn even more red. Mia looked at her clothes immediately, realizing that maybe those pajama shorts were maybe too short, and after the bathroom confrontation, she didn't know if she trusted herself or Kamilah, enough to spend the night with the vampire queen.

Kamilah approached with slow steps, as if calculating her every step, going to her side of the bed and pulling the covers towards her. At that moment, Mia felt that familiar warmth emanating from Kamilah's body, how hot that was. She swallowed, trying to focus on her book, but it was almost impossible with Kamilah so close.

“What are you reading?” She felt the hairs on her body shiver at the sound of Kamilah's voice so close to her ear, Mia looked over her shoulder and met Kamilah's brown eyes in her book.

"Uh... Hum... The sky is falling." She replied stuttering.

“And why is the sky falling?” Kamilah asked.

"Well... Uh—" Mia frowned trying to make the right words out, but she was unable to form them. “I think… I don't know yet. Uh... I haven't reached that part yet, I think it's a metaphor for —” Her eyes met Kamilah's, seeing that flawless smile so close to her face, the words faded from her mind.

“For?” Kamilah whispered, smiling approaching again. Mia stepped away noticing how close they were until...

"Ouch!" She faltered as she fell off the bed. Kamilah's laugh echoed around the room, Mia tried to get up with an ugly face. "That’s it!" She stood, marching around the room and going to an armchair, taking all the pillows there and carrying them to bed.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" Kamilah asked without understanding.

“I think it's time we set some boundaries between us, don't you think?” She said forming a wall of pillows between her and Kamilah.

"You can't be serious." Kamilah said in disbelief looking at the girl and her job in separating both.

"Believe me I am." Mia smiled, pleased to see the result of her work.

“This... is definitely the most childish thing you've ever done,” Kamilah said watching her.

"Thanks." Mia smiled, settling herself on the side of the bed.

“What if I want to push the pillows away?” Kamilah raised an eyebrow.

“You will not do that. It wouldn't be nice and it would be disrespecting your bed limits.” Mia looked over her shoulder.

"I couldn't care less about my boundaries." Kamilah said. "That's not how two married people sleep."

"We're not like everyone else, we're a different kind of couple." Mia said sleepily.

"Still, this is ridiculous and you know it." Kamilah said grumpy.

“I didn't think you were the type that enjoy cuddling, Kamilah.” Mia smiled over her shoulder. Mia propped her face against the pillows that parted both, smiling at the vampire queen. Kamilah returned her an annoyed look. "What? let's talk, share things, tell secrets.” Mia said poking her. Kamilah rolled her eyes and turned to the opposite side of the bed.

"I do not share."

"Yes, you do." Mia laughed.

"Go to sleep Miranda, or I swear to god, I'll kick you out of this bed, and this time you won't be able to climb again."

“Awn, come on!”

“You don’t know nothing about me, so let’s keep this way. It’s better for the both of us.” Kamilah said impatiently.

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know, but I want to. That’s why we have this weekend with my parents, I’m looking forward to it. They are going to love you.” Mia said smiling leaning over the pillows and leaving a spontaneous kiss on Kamilah's cheek. What she didn’t saw was the shocked look on Kamilah’s face at the unexpected act of love.

[theapplesweremonitored]

Hi there! I had a question. So, I'm on the fence about pro-life/pro-choice. Women's bodies are their own and they should have a say in what happens to them. But...At the same time, they're pregnant with a to-be baby. And I'd really like to see know someone else's view. Like, I said. I'm on the fence and I just want someone else's opinion on the matter. That's, if you don't mind talking about it.

That’s cool, I don’t mind at all! In fact, here’s a few other posts that may be of interest to you and have really shaped my own perceptions.

Tbh, I’m not the most unbiased or, uh, sensitive of people to ask about this, but I suppose that’s the point and I’ll do my best to answer in a way that doesn’t devolve into ranting. (Edit: this got very long and kind of rambling, but hopefully it doesn’t come off as mean.)

First off we need to establish that I’m asexual, aromantic, at times agender, and have less than zero desire to be a part of any stage of the human reproductive process. In all honesty, pregnancy is a very special kind of body-horror to me, and that likely factors into my reaction to the self-styled “pro-life” side. Because, when you get right down to it, much of the “pro-life” side isn’t pro-life, it’s pro-fetus.

You’d think if a person was pro-life, they’d care about, say: the homeless epidemic, or how America likes to march into foreign countries and murder a shit-ton of people, or all the queer/lgbt+ people who are victims of hate crimes. They’d care about people of color who are murdered by the police every day, or the thousands of kids abused by a system meant to protect them, or women (and, of course, others) who are victims of domestic violence or rape culture. But the thing is, a lot of them aren’t.

Because, like I said, a lot of them only care about the fetus, and care nothing for the woman* who’s carrying it. Once that baby is born, they cease giving a fuck because obviously if it’s been born, then their job is done, and they don’t care what happens next. They don’t care if those women carrying the fetus was raped, or got drunk and didn’t use protection, or did absolutely everything “right” and still got pregnant. They don’t care that those women don’t want to be pregnant; those women don’t want to give up forty weeks of their life to what (when you think about it clinically) amounts to a parasite; those women don’t want to give birth; those women don’t want to be responsible for raising a child, and often don’t have the means to do it right.

A frighteningly large amount of “pro-lifers” are white Christians who refuse to acknowledge the complexities of pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing. They argue that “life begins at conception” but say nothing about the life or lives that may be ruined by that conception (and subsequent birth). They use the Bible to justify forcing women to carry an unwanted fetus to term, and then also use it to justify hate crimes against queer/LGBT+ people, discriminatory treatment of PoC, and the general subjugation of women. Oh, and we can’t ever forget the Islamophobia and general air of xenophobia that usually accompanies them as well.

In essence, a more accurate description of the pro-life side is anti-choice, because that’s what it comes down to.

Listen, I don’t mean to be a dick about this.

I get that you haven’t made up your mind and that the idea of terminating a potential human being (and I stress this word because like 90% of abortions take place during the first trimester, when it is more accurate to call it an embryo) probably squicks you out.

I totally understand that.

But it’s important to be aware that for a lot of people on the anti-choice side, their little crusade is just another way to express their bigotry and their hatred of women, often queer/LGBT+ women and women of color.

Story time:

My grandmother on my mom’s side got pregnant out of wedlock when she was sixteen. That became my Aunt Dawn (for whom I was named) and she’s the sweetest, most well-meaning woman… maybe not in the world, but that I’ve ever met, certainly. But guess what? Grandma Kathy didn’t want her. She was sixteen, she made a dumbass decision, and didn’t want to have a kid. But you know what her parents did? They told her they were taking her to get an abortion, bundled her up in the car, drove several states away, and dropped her at a “home for fallen women.” They didn’t tell her where they were leaving her, or for how long, or anything. Just that she could come back “home” later. “Later” meaning after she gave birth to my Aunt Dawn.

Listen, I love my Aunt Dawn. Out of literally all of my family, and hoo-boy there’s a lot of them on either side, she’s basically the only one that I even like, let alone love. But my grandma didn’t want my Aunt Dawn and she shouldn’t have been forced to have her. She shouldn’t have been lied to and abandoned and blackmailed into having and raising a child. And it took a toll on her, let me assure you.

Okay, I like my grandma well enough, okay? But she isn’t exactly the healthiest person, she doesn’t have the healthiest relationships, and doesn’t make the healthiest decisions. She’s had five daughters and two sons by several different men, she’s poor and unemployed, and I’m pretty sure she’s had some issues with drinking.

If I were able to go back in time and help her get an abortion, I fucking would. Even knowing that it would mean that me and my sisters and my nephew and my mom and my Aunt Dawn wouldn’t exist, I would still do it. (It sounds terrible, but I don’t care much about my uncles and cousins. They’re all a bunch of fucked up assholes.)

And now let’s talk about my sisters. I have a lot. I have one who got pregnant in her senior year of high school and had to drop out; my nephew is going to be four now in a few months and she’s only just gotten a job that pays a living wage.

I have another who’s currently pregnant and with the guy who knocked her up even though he’s and idiot and an asshole and makes her cry; I fear for the future of both her and the kid that’s on the way because those futures are not gonna be fuckin pretty.

I have two (adopted) sisters who are actually sisters themselves; only half, though, because their dad is a piece of shit who couldn’t keep it in his damn pants and didn’t even try. He’s in prison now and blames his parents for everything that’s gone wrong in his life, up to and including the fact that he isn’t fit to take care of his kids. (I know this because he’s my step-dad’s kid and sent a long series of texts to that effect to my mom a few months ago.) My new little sisters’ moms are both drug addicts who couldn’t be trusted with their daughters. And, of course, my sisters have another sister by another woman (who’d also had drug problems but is now clean and takes care of her daughter) and a brother that I don’t know much about.

And then, of course, there’s my other sisters on the other side of things, who are desperate to have children. I have one who’s been trying with her husband for a couple of years now, who’s had fertility treatments and has visited multiple doctors to try to figure out what’s up with her junk, because we know it’s something but don’t know what. She’s slated for some kind of surgery soon.

I’ve also got another sister, my oldest, who wants kids. She just got married to an old friend of hers who I had never even heard of until I was invited to the wedding. She stayed in a relationship with an abusive ex-Navy Seal for years because he kept dangling the possibility of having kids with her like a fucking carrot. They had physical fights, she had to take all kinds of medication for anxiety and shit, and liked to combine them with alcohol because being in a relationship with him was such a fucking trial on her psyche.

My immediate family alone pretty much runs the gamut of reproductive experiences, barring (to my knowledge) sexual assault and the fact that (to my knowledge) they’re all cis.

What I’m saying is: there’s a lot of shit out there. A lot. There’s girls who got pregnant on accident, and never even consider abortion. There’s girls who got pregnant on accident, and never got access to abortion. There’s girls who want to get pregnant but can’t because of medical reasons. There’s girls who want to get pregnant and men use that to abuse and manipulate them.

I support all of them. I support those that never consider abortions; I support those that want abortions; I support those that want to carry to term; I support those that are desperate to get pregnant in the first place. I support each and every one of them, for all that I am completely unable to empathize with those that want kids in the first place.

I support them because, even though I have no idea what any of that must feel like, it’s their choice and I respect that. Anti-choicers, pro-lifers, whatever you wanna call them, they don’t respect that. They treat pregnancy like it’s the be-all and end-all of human existence and experience. They treat women who get pregnant and want to abort as if they’re stupid, irresponsible, the devil himself, etc.

Now, if you’ve made it all this way, then I’d like to apologize for all the detours and digressions and also congratulate you on getting through them all. As you may have noticed, I’ve got some thoughts on the subject in general as well as some tangentially-personal experience. What it all boils down to is this: while it may affect us, while it may impact the course of our lives, unless it is us who is the one who is pregnant, it’s not our decision. We can have opinions; we can offer advice; we can counsel the one who is pregnant. But, when it comes right down to it, the only one who gets to make the decision of whether to carry to term or abort, is the one who is pregnant.

And, to me, that’s all there is to it.

*not everyone who becomes pregnant is a woman and may be instead nonbinary/genderqueer or a man who was assigned female at birth. However, I very much doubt that someone who cares very little or (more likely) absolutely nothing for a person’s body autonomy will care anything for respecting their gender identity.