#and li— sorry. this isn’t a redacted blog

[frnkiebby]

i CANT~🎃

[nametags]

But her emails...

I aim to be a woman of integrity. I’ve sat on the content I’m about to share for almost 6 years in part because it originally was a private conversation between me and a friend. A friend who happens to be a lead singer of a band, but a friend none the less. However the way people have been speaking about him and what’s been going on in the world lately, I couldn’t let this stay hidden anymore.

I’m tired of people claiming that because Patrick no longer uses social media (and hasn’t for damn near five years at this point) that somehow he doesn’t “care” or isn’t doing anything right now to help the Black Lives Matter movement. I’m also incredibly tired of people ignoring/belittling the fact that Pete Wentz is a biracial/black man in America. You really do not want the social media person in charge of Patrick’s account tweeting things out. It would be hollow and fake.

Below is both a transcript of the conversation I had with Patrick on 12/06/2014, a follow up message he sent to me 08/25/2015, and the accompanying screenshots. Unfortunately I do not have the tweet(s) that prompted me to contact him in the first place nor can I find screenshots of them to provide that context. An image of me and my younger brother Jacob when we met the band at Boys of Zummer will also be attached to demonstrate one of the people I was concerned about in my original email. 

The only redactions made were my personal email address and the name of a friend I referenced. Patrick deleted his email account at some point between late 2016 and early 2017. It’s only left in these screenshots as proof for those who knew the address before to see these were legitimate messages. I hope the content reveals not only where his heart lies not only then but where it is now. 

Allison White: So I caught the insanity way late, but it's a tricky spot to be in with what's going on. For most of my life, I didn't even identify with half of my race. I was raised with my mom's side of the family and it just didn't click for me. It really hasn't been until teen years and onward that I've opened my eyes to it all. And with that, I began to grow wary of authority in a way. Like I still believe that people go into law enforcement for the right reasons. The few times I have dealt with police officers personally I haven't been concerned, but I have noticed in the past few years that when I spot a police car on the road or an officer just out in public somewhere is if I look "white enough" or do I actually look like an adult who belongs in whatever space I am in. I know Trayvon Martin was murdered by a vigilante and not an actual officer of the law, but that was when I first started to fear for my little brothers. I knew both of them were the sort of young men that could get targeted and most likely justice would not be found for them. And then there comes this summer. With both the Mike Brown and Eric Garner cases coming back with no indictment, it makes it feel as if it's just open season for black people to be hunted by cops. Which is hurtful for the cops who are actually in it to protect and serve, and every citizen who now has to wonder if they are next. I hope that your cousin is doing alright. I hope that people aren't making his job harder right now. Just I know for me right now with all that's going on I am definitely on the side of the protesters.

Patrick Stump: Brief for now; I'm sorry in all that you didn't notice that I'm squarely on the side of the protestors too. That's a failure of my wording

PS: The problem is that I so poorly expressed myself, people thought I was balancing the empathy to be spread across the black community and cops. That's a mistake on my part. I'm angry.

I'm angry that Mike Brown's case didn't yield enough evidence to indict. But that case was a very complicated one...Brown had just (allegedly) committed a violent crime and information was murky. As sure as I was that Wilson straight up murdered the Brown, I understood the limitations of the american Justice system given how little evidence there was. That's the unfortunate reality of justice is that it needs to be just. It needs to be 100%. We can't go in with "I know in my heart." And so that case pissed me off, but I understood it. 

With Eric Garner however, this just feels so flagrant. By no accounts was he violent, wasn't he doing anything that could even be misconstrued as life-threatening enough to even imagine defending the usage of deadly force. He was cooperating and they choked him to death on camera. That's fucked up. I'm pissed. I tried to be polite and sit back and not say anything, but I'm pissed.

However, my reason for discussing the side of the police as well is that human beings are complicated. When we boil people down to simplistic stereotypes, when we create a narrative of "Us VS them," we lose sight of the humanity of it all. You can't reason with a "Them." You can only reason with a person and it works better when you remember they're people.

I don't believe in enemies. I'm not religious but I love the way Jesus preached "Love thy enemy." That's hugely influential to me. Hugely important. That's the empathy I mean.

The other night I was holding my son and I thought to myself about a black girl I used to date. And how, we could have had a kid together. Maybe a little boy. And how, that boy could (by no action of his own) be killed just for the color of his skin. Like, I've heard and read words like that before, but to actually connect with it (on as small a scale as that) was horrifying. Gutting. For a little moment I thought, all this joy and all this beauty and somewhere, someone's having a black baby boy, loving him and feeling all the same things I feel for my son. But I wondered if in between their tired diaper changes and their burpings, if they were saying a silent prayer "I hope you don't get killed by a cop." If they say it constantly because they know how possible it is. Or even if he lives to be a 100, what black man won't have an unjust run in with the law? Not to make it exclusively a male issue but seriously, how many black men are in prison right now in America? That's a disgusting thing. The young parent of a young black boy probably considers that and that's maybe the most depressing thing I've ever tried to understood. That's a horrifying thing. There really still is a racial divide in this country, and to not be black is to not say those little prayers. We live in a supposedly free country. What about the pursuit of happiness? Who's defending the right of that little black baby boy born somewhere in America to just be an adorable little baby without any pretense? And when that baby grows up, who's defending his right to walk down a residential sidewalk and not expect to get pulled over and frisked? Maybe worse? 

So I'm angry. Just plain angry. But I didn't want to offend anyone so I expressed my anger in the lightest way I could think of. 

I'm not sorry for having an opinion, I'm sorry I explained it so poorly that you didn't know what it was.

AW: All of this is hard, and there is so much anger. You shouldn't ever be sorry for your opinions, and I am pretty sure you yourself have told people only be sorry for how you express your opinions. I wasn't upset with you or what you said, I just felt compelled to share that for me there's a knee jerk reaction to the image/idea of police and why.  This whole situation has been tough and it's been inspiring watching people across this country let their anger show and demonstrate in the streets against it. It makes me wish I was brave enough to take part in it out in the streets and not just online. 

I hope this collective anger and protest leads to real change. That in 2014 we are able to do the things they were aiming for in 1964. I mean recently the full letter the FBI sent to MLK to urge him into suicide was released and it just highlights the divide between how much has and has not changed. There's a lot of value in what religion is supposed to teach. Love thy enemy, love thy neighbor. True love and care for those around you is a great thing and certainly something I'd hope people identified with. 

The past nearly seven years there has been this push for hope and change. Maybe the country is finally reaching a point to make it happen?

PS: I have a funny feeling this is civil rights part 2. I'm proud of the protests. I'm so grateful our generation is angry about something it should be angry about for a change.

AW: An argument can be made that our generation (or just post baby boomer generations in general) have been taught and fed nonsense to keep us compliant, but that veers into a territory that I am not completely sure or comfortable with. Overall I do think that this is heading a direction that the powers that be are not ready for in the slightest.

PS: Where did I go wrong? What do people think I said? They're so mad at me, and none of the people have said anything I didn't mean. I'm not getting angry right-wing stuff, people are just calling me a racist. What did I say that was racist? What do I think that's racist?

AW: There's a strong immediate reaction right now of if you sound slightly in favor of the officers that did wrong that you are racist. The swift reaction and need to dogpile on is kind of crazy. I think people took the initial comment to mean "not all cops!!!!" In the same vein as "not all men!!!" and that's where the rage is coming from. 

AW: Just to be clear, those who matter know you're not racist. You have shown both in your words and actions where your beliefs lie. I don't know how to calm the masses right now because at least for the time being its not going to get through :(

AW: You could try a blog entry on tumblr?

PS: Nah, I think I've done enough damage for one lifetime. I think I'll keep it to myself but I appreciate your talking it through with me. 

AW: No problem. I am always willing to be a sounding board for that stuff if you need it.

PS: I re-read my stuff; "I support our police," is the worst things said. I meant "I support the idea of police and the need for a police force we can trust on a national level," not "I support the police in NYC who are killing people and attacking protestors." That sucks.

AW: If you wanna try to clarify now you can. At least in your Google alert it only had one mention of he mess and it was a tumblr user supporting/defending you. 

PS: There's no fixing it. The Internet is unforgiving I think and the reality is, I said that. I didn't mean it in the way that it so obviously sounds, but I said that. So I deserve everything I get.

AW: It will most likely go easier if you let it ride out instead of trying to go out and fight it. That just gives the "he doth protest too much" air about it. Hopefully the energy behind letting you know you said something like that will dissipate sooner rather than later. And that it won't get big enough for someone to write a story about it. 

PS: Yeah. It'll sound like back-pedaling and glad-handing. Anyway, thanks for talking it through! 

AW: You're very welcome! Thank you for hearing out my side of it this morning.

PS:  I never would've ignored your side.

AW: Which is very much appreciated

AW: I say that because in the past two weeks I have lost a handful of friends because of all of what's going on and them being unable to understand how and why their words hurt me.

PS: Well that's awful and unfair

AW: It was but they were all from the "when I look at you I don't see black, I just see Ally" camp and then would go on to say things about stereotypes and "thugs"

PS: Yeah. Thug. "Oh that's so ghetto." Bullshit.

AW: When someone says "thug" it's always clear they wanna say the n word

PS: Or even if they're the kind of "Well meaning," person who knows enough not to say that word, they mean the same thing

PS: "Not like you. You're good"

PS: White America just needs to know what it doesn't know

PS: Or rather, understand that there are things they (we) will never understand. Not from a first person perspective.

AW: It always makes me want to scream. The erasure of identity so then the people known to them stay safe. It reminds me of something I witnessed the other day. My friend [REDACTED] from junior high is now an established lawyer. Needless to say he has been keeping up very much with the recent events. He made a post about it and one of his friends commented with "I wish you would go back to being my friend [REDACTED] and not my black friend [REDACTED]." Mind you there's no denying [REDACTED] is a black man. He can't pass in the slightest so the comment shocked and saddened me. Thankfully [REDACTED] handled it with poise and grace. 

PS: If you have to say you have a "black friend," then you probably don't. That's fucked. I guess I just genuinely didn't imagine how pervasive this stuff really is. Like, Pete and Joe and I have been talking a lot today. I was under the misapprehension that we grew up in a decently inclusive area. Just come to find out, nobody used those words around me. The whole time they were heckling kids like Joe and Pete. I thought racism was this thing that doesn't happen here. It's scary how much it's come out post Obama's election. Elected officials sending out mass e-mails of pictures of watermelons. I just didn't get it. Ignorance is bliss.

AW: It knows how to hide in plain sight, which is a lot of the problem. People are taught "don't be racist!!!!" Without being told exactly what racism is. People (myself included at times) aren't aware of words/phrases/ideas have nefarious ties until too late. 

PS: I think we get too caught up on words and not enough on what they imply. "Thug," means a prepackaged idea of a black male. It instantly limits his perceived intelligence, his perceived trustworthiness, his perceived value to society, and his perceived prospects in life. That's so fucked. We expect black men to go to prison. Not be doctors and lawyers. When a black man is a doctor or lawyer, we treat him like such a cool novelty. When a black woman asserts herself, she's so "Sassy." "You go girl." 

These little words and phrases feel harmless. They never were

AW: Those are the positives. Usually assertive black women are angry, mean. It's so fucked all around. 

AW: I really owe Pete for helping me be informed on Ferguson. He tweeted the hashtag the night the protests started in August and it helped me dive in. I am sure tumblr would have got me to it eventually, but seeing it from day one was a definite help. 

PS: You know part of my problem? I'm just not brave enough to say what I think. I'm just scared of offending people. Pete's not. He doesn't care. That's powerful

AW: It takes a lot to just put it out there. I am not sure if I had the amount of eyes on me that you do that I would be so "fuck you I will do/say what I want" as I am. Hell I become such a shadow of myself when at work with how quiet and polite I am. I mean I am still pierced and tatted with short hair so visually I say a lot, but then I watch my speech to make us for it. 

(Follow up on 8/25/2015)

Patrick Stump: That is amazing and I'm very flattered. By the way; Been thinking about our conversation from a year ago a lot. The takeaway is this: Saying "All lives matter," and "Not all cops," while literally true are contextually horrendous. Really awful. In retrospect I feel pretty awful about saying both. Specifically because "All lives matter," can carry a lot of implications. Who's lives? I meant by it that Latinos and Muslims are also unreasonably targeted/mistreated/murdered by cops. But is it as systematic or blatant as it is with darker skinned Americans? Not remotely. Furthermore, as a white man, I just need to remember how fucking easy I have it. It's easy for me to preach peace and unflinching patience when I've NEVER been a victim of the War On Drugs or the aftermath of straight up slavery. So there's a lot to think about in terms of what I, a white guy, have to say and do about the situation. But not a lot I have to say about the way it feels to be oppressed to the point of feeling like less than a citizen of this country. I shouldn't have spoken about it because I don't/can't know. Well-meaning white folks get to talk about policy changes and do everything we can to help, otherwise we should get the fuck out of the way. I'm sorry, really REALLY sorry to the world that I ever said either of those things. It's more than "Fuck the police." It's "Fuck this whole system." And as aware as I'd been, I hadn't realized how complacent in it I was. Anyway, disgusted I said what I said. Sorry to the whole world for being part of the problem

[theteablogger]

Thanfictioning is Returnofthenecromommycon / Necromommycon / Carlanime

After I posted my first response to Thanfictioning, I googled the blog name last night. The only two results were my blog and a Dreamwidth community where Necromommycon had posted her Sluagh read-through. That was odd.

(Incidentally, I have no reason to believe that the sole other member of that community had anything to do with any of this.)

I read back through everything Thanfictioning had posted up to that point. There were several lines that reminded me very much of things Necromommycon had said before, including that Thanfictioning had done a couple of things in the past that made them look bad in ways similar to Andy (see her tf-talk comments on channeling: 1 | 2). Thanfictioning used a tag she had used a number of times. On the other hand, the story of how Thanfictioning first attempted to reach Andy and finally made contact with him didn’t seem to correspond to her story of being unexpectedly PMed after she commented on CFC’s “other side of the wank” LJ post. Finally, given our interactions and her history (corresponding with Turimel, sharing Andy’s messages full of lies about mental illness and Brittany, being empathetic toward Abbey and other previous associates of Andy’s, writing commentary on some of his posts) I could not imagine her minimizing and misrepresenting Andy’s abusive actions as Thanfictioning had done. This made me suspect that Andy or one of his friends (probably at his behest) was trying to stir shit up and mislead me and other bloggers/anons into believing that Thanfictioning was Necromommycon.

I didn’t think it could actually be her. Neither did Abbey or another anon, when I talked about it with each of them separately. I had had enough positive interactions with Necromommycon that I trusted her. That trust was enough for me to vouch for her publicly when an anon expressed concern about her still being friends with Andy. Fuck, three years ago, Necromommycon offered to send money to help with my wedding, a gesture so kind and so unexpected that it almost moved me to tears (which is an extremely rare occurrence). Abbey and I were even more convinced of her innocence when we saw the post denying that Andy was a rapist: Necromommycon did not seem at all like the kind of person who would be so cruel to a rape survivor.

I decided that now was not the time to call anyone out for impersonating Necromommycon, although that really seemed to be what was happening. Watching and waiting seemed like the best course of action. 

Instead, I started a response to the rape apologism post. When I’d just about finished, I finally thought, “Fuck it. She needs to know what’s happening before someone else puts the pieces together and confronts her.” So I sent Necromommycon a PM on Tumblr chat and an ask. I knew she wouldn’t be able to prove that she wasn’t Thanfictioning (you can’t prove a negative), but I wanted to be able to say that I’d confirmed it wasn’t her, and I was willing to take her word for it. 

Unfortunately, this was the response I received:

Today at 6:14 PM

returnofthenecromommycon

I'm sorry to tell you this, but it was me. Last summer when I was at the cabin, Andy had me convinced that [a nightmarish thing related to being trans had happened to him years ago, and he was struggling with severe psychological problems]. I wrote four posts in total, intending them only to be read by two specific friends of mine, one of whom had the sense to tell me that I could ask Abbey if [the nightmarish thing had really happened]. She confirmed that hadn't happened.I then deleted the posts, or so I thought, from the cabin--and thought no more about it until someone informed me it had been mentioned on tf-talk. The posts were originally password protected, and I had never intended them for public view. I just needed the two people most able to tell me if I was being realistic to now everything I was thinking, so I spewed it all out in four posts. I reposted the Diamond one this morning, since it briefly seemed more honest to make it all public than to just screen it and walk away, but then I saw that would only make things even worse and deleted it. You can quote as much of this as is helpful, but please keep the [redacted information] private (Abbey can confirm that I asked about [the nightmarish thing], I guess, but it's not a detail I want shared at large). 

I was utterly gobsmacked, horrified, and furious. After thinking about it for a few minutes, I decided that I still needed to post my response to the rape apologism, because any number of people might have seen it before the Tumblr was deleted. I also replied to Necromommycon as follows:

I don't even know where to begin, but I guess I'll start with the dates on those posts. The first one was dated July 19, 2018. The "Andy isn't dangerous" one was dated Oct 26, 2018, just a week before it was linked in tf-talk. And the post about Diamond mentions my list of reasons why people think Andy is dangerous, which only went up on Oct 22, so you couldn't have written all of that over the summer. And even if you did...are you saying that during the summer, while you were calling out Chris for rape apologism and posting screenshots of him saying it was wrong to accuse Andy of rape, before ANY posts were made in the Thanfictioning tumblr, you didn't think Andy was a rapist?

She has not responded to that message.

It appears that all that time that Necromommycon was expressing empathy toward Abbey, she may have privately believed that Abbey was “lying or exaggerating” about a lot of things. Despite her calling out Chris over the summer for saying it was wrong to call Andy a rapist, she herself did not believe he was a rapist. She posted records of Chris’s rape apologism, but subsequently attempted to discredit Diamond. Over a period of years, she engaged in discussion with me and other Andy awareness bloggers, reblogging many of our posts and adding her own commentary, all while she apparently thought that I/we ought to be subject to legal action for things we were saying about Andy.

Some people will doubtless characterize this as a blow to the credibility of all Andy awareness bloggers and anon communities. It isn’t. The only person who looks bad here is Necromommycon. I have no reason to doubt the veracity of the emails and messages from Andy that she’s shared in the past, especially since Andy and CFC have indicated that they’re real, so there is no reason to remove them from the timeline. I see no reason to regret or second-guess anything that I said in my two responses to her Thanfictioning posts.

One of my favorite quotations, which I have on a little pewter keychain clipped to my bag, is, “Every murderer is probably somebody’s old friend.” (Agatha Christie, The Mysterious Affair at Styles) It means a lot of things to me, but one of the most important is that when the evidence suggests that someone we like and trust has done something wrong, we should not immediately assume that they’re innocent. We should continue to gather evidence and explore the possibilities, bearing in mind that the truth may be something that makes us uncomfortable. I’m generally good at acting on that principle, but in this case, I clearly was not.

[thegeminisage]

Jace, Magnus, Raph :D

THATS SO MANY THANK U

JACE:

favorite thing about them: everyone likes to sort of categorize jace as this mostly douchey guy but he’s actually kind of Softe if you dig a little and like not to be basic but i like that about him

least favorite thing about them: WHY YOU ALWAYS LYIIIN

favorite line: “dazzle me” @cathy not one word

brOTP: JACE AND ALEC…give me more of that good parabatai shit…….my other favorite thing about jace is it’s implied he knew alec was in love with him for a long timeor at the very LEAST since alec’s bad reaction in 1.04 and he played dumb (partially because he hates talking about feelings yes but also) for alec’s benefit. just not to make things weird. it would have been easy to make him be weird about it. straight guys are assholes. but he wasnt and thats real nice.

OTP: he’d be miserable without clary to the point where he still wanted to smash even when he thought they were related, so

nOTP: jace and alec. STRICTLY platonic on jace’s end! it’s not necessarily that i think it’s ~problematic~ god knows you couldnt pay me to touch that discourse i just think the dynamic is much richer and deeper when it’s a one-sided romance and jace was still cool about it. idk i find that totally refreshing and fascinating and like a pretty new take, at least to me personally. why ruin it by turning it into run-of-the-mill slash? (i say this as someone who writes a lot of run-of-the-mill slash, don’t send me mean messages) 

random headcanon: he likes [REDACTED], which technically was cathy’s headcanon first

unpopular opinion: he’s never done anything wrong in his life ever…look i know he has but like leave him alone?? idek why i feel so strongly about this he isn’t my favorite character i don’t stan him i’m not super invested in him…i just don’t think he’s done anything wrong, aside from the fact that he lies a lot. i was totally siding with him over alec during their season 1 tiffs.

song i associate with them: natalia kills - kill my boyfriend :)

favorite picture of them: sorry but i dont really have one

MAGNUS:

favorite thing about them: his body language! he’s like always on the go, all his lil flourishes, how expressive he is–expression-wise and with his body language. he uses his hands to talk and since warlocks use their hands for magic that’s like an awesome character detail. my second favorite thing is how fucking cool he is. i love when he does magic. he’s so cool oh my god he’s like the HEIGHT of cool

least favorite thing about them: not to be problematic but he’s a little TOO perfect. let him fuck up once in awhile! so far all we’ve gotten was the seelie queen thing and that was half alec’s fault

favorite line: “i’m the high warlock of brooklyn” YOU TELL EM MAGNUS

brOTP: MAGNUS AND RAPHAEL IS CANONICAL ACE/BI SOLIDARITY AND I’M SO HERE FOR IT

OTP: well obviously magnus and alec

nOTP: i dont really?? see him shipped with anyone else??? i guess my notp is imm*rtal h*bands…alec would absolutely hate being immortal, whether by magic or being turned. he would HATE it. i have a series of fanfictions outlines to explain my feelings on this matter more thoroughly someday

random headcanon: i made a gifset about it on my other blog (you can see it at /post/172404479554/ if you know the url) but i think maybe he doesn’t always like being a warlock. like, the magic is great! he loves his people! he loves being able to do cool stuff! but his parents basically died because of it (trying not to be too spoilery, sorry coralie), and being immortal when you have to watch people die is hard. he’s pretty sensitive about his cat eyes, maybe in a way that’s more worried about what other people will think than someone who dislikes himself? i feel like maybe he used to dislike himself a lot more intensely and sort of had a long time to unlearn it and now most of the time it’s fine but he just still has his bad days and tender spots. i feel strongly anough this, clearly

unpopular opinion: again im gonna have to go with being anti imm*rtal h*bands…i mean obviously people can write what they want & no skin off my nose but i wish it wasnt QUITE so popular bc its hard to find fic i like w/o it

song i associate with them: man i have a really great one for alec like that could kinda be malec but not a magnus-only one sorry

favorite picture of them: literally any picture with cat eyes i love his cat eyes so much

RAPHAEL:

favorite thing about them: CANONICAL ASEXUAL!!!!!! i can’t tell you how much that means to me. it’s a first for me! i watched this whole show for raphael. second favorite thing: he’s still religious. that’s real brave imo

least favorite thing about them: WHY DID HE DO THAT…i cant say what he did on coralie’s post i already said a magnus spoiler but i cant believe he DID THAT im heartbroken for him and so angry at him what an idiot why didn’t he ask for help

favorite line: number one winner is the entire scene about the stars with rosa but close runner up is whenever he speaks spanish. not because it’s sexy or whatever but because he almost exclusively does it when he’s trying to be intimidating. literally i have a gif of him going “adios >:)” when he’s about to commit murder

brOTP: if i had an entire show about magnus and raphael i would be happy. alec who? but raphael and rosa kills me too

OTP: raphael and izzy, come on, come on, show, i’m begging you! simon who? this is where it’s at! i can’t believe she talked about his asexuality like it was a perk rather than a hurdle. i get weepy when i think about it for too long

nOTP: please for the love of god stop shipping with him with simon

random headcanon: dislikes kissing. i may be projecting a bit here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ at least i finally have a character i can project on!

unpopular opinion: rizzy isn’t predatory on either side they both did that and they both owned up to it and got better stop trying to paint one of them like a creeper and the other like some precious innocent victim

song i associate with them: every single song i put on the ace playlist i made the other night

favorite picture of them: i made a gifset of him with the ace colors and that’s my favorite one. it’s at /post/172511018559/ on my other blog if you know the url

(send me characters!!)