#and my pain when ksoo e word

[ephemeral-writings]

Baby steps // friends who supports one another stays together…sort of. what about best friends who falls in love with each other?

kyungsoo x reader (best friends to lovers!) feat. chanyeol word count: 10k genre: fluff, angst —

🌵 

You’re six and too feisty for your own good. It usually gets you into trouble--a few too many scrapes on your knees and elbows is to show, but your dad finds it far too amusing when you discuss your day with him over dinner about the mean boy you stood up to who pulled on your braids to tell you that no, it’s not nice to call Chanyeol a dummy for touching a girl’s hair without her permission.

Tonight, you tell him about the new kid in school, a transfer from Seoul, and how interestingly wide his eyes are. You hold two spoons to your eyes to emphasize your amazement, even imitating the way the little boy introduced himself to the class this morning. “Hello, my name is Do Kyungsoo,” you repeated in a failed Seoul dialect. 

The next few weeks, you try to befriend the odd boy from Seoul that no one else wants to be friends with. Kyungsoo is quiet, mostly because Chanyeol makes fun of his dialect, but where he’s silent, you make up for by running off your own mouth with stories that you think Kyungsoo is ignoring. 

“My mom went away when I was two years old, so it’s just me and my dad and sometimes grandma and grandpa,” you tell him. Everyone in your town knows about this, and you figure it was only time before Kyungsoo learned about this, so decided to tell him yourself. Maybe he’ll appreciate it and see your efforts to be friends with him.

Surprisingly, Kyungsoo is intrigued by this information, so he asks, “Where does she live now?” 

Your small right hand rise in the air and point to the clouds above. “My dad says that mommy is always watching me from the sky.” 

Kyungsoo’s eyes grow the slightest bit bigger, if possible, and he stays gawking at you the rest of the recess as you talked and talked. 

🌵

You’re eight and still don’t know how to control your temper. Your dad took a pair of shears to your hair this weekend, saying that it’s not practical to have such long hair in Daegu’s heat, but you don’t like how your hair falls just barely below your chin. It’s suppose to be long and pretty, like your mom’s was in the family portrait. 

You’ve always had long hair, cherished every time your dad braided it, so the moment Chanyeol calls you ugly on Monday and, “Aw, does that mean I can’t pull on your hair anymore?” You lose it and push his big, fat meanness to the ground despite being taller than you. Chanyeol makes a scene and tells on you, your teacher sends you to a time out where you cried big, fat tears in lieu of not being able to restore the length of your hair. 

“Ms. Lee says that you can come back in now.”

Kyungsoo is staring down at you from where you’re kneeled on the floor. Slowly lowering your arms, you rub the snot from your face which makes Kyungsoo judge you but you don’t care. You’re still sulking about your hair. 

“Why are you crying?” He asks. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why Chanyeol’s bullying makes you so upset when it’s just Chanyeol, the mean kid who doesn’t have a sensitive bone in his body. He picks on Kyungsoo, too, but the smaller boy never bats an eye and instead turn the other cheek from his incessant mockery. 

“I look prettier with my hair long, didn’t I?” You’re not really expecting Kyungsoo to say that you look pretty, because Kyungsoo was your best friend and you know that he would never say something that like. And just as you know him so well, he replied with, “You’re ugly either way.” 

Kyungsoo calling you ugly isn’t as upsetting as Chanyeol doing it, you know that Kyungsoo can be mean and really harsh sometimes, but he was your best friend and would never hurt you hurt you. 

Kyungsoo thinks he should probably say something to make you feel better, but can’t bring himself to. You’re his best friend, and maybe that makes it harder, but just when he thinks he’s made you upset again, you break into a grin and retort sassily. “You’re ugly too, Soo,” you chortled, poking a finger to his chubby cheeks. 

🌵

You’re 15 and don’t understand boys at all. And that includes your dad. 

“She’s really nice, sweetheart, and she’s been wanting to meet you for a while now,” your dad coos. Your dad, get this, has a girlfriend. The world has stopped spinning, all the fishes in the sea stopped swimming, and you’ve stopped functioning. 

You knew your dad had a friend that was a girl, but what? When? What? You’ve started hanging out at your grandparent’s place more often, and tonight, your dad decides to disclose this crucial information that he’s in love with a woman...that wasn’t your mom. 

You start crying without even noticing, your mouth still full of rice that’s suddenly really difficult to swallow down. Your dad pulls you in a hug immediately, shushing your cries with gentle ‘don’t cry, baby, it’s all right, everything will be okay’. 

---

You’re uncharacteristically quiet and Kyungsoo notices right away when you’re just poking around your slowly melting ice cream. 

“Why do you have this look on your face like something died in your ice cream?” Kyungsoo goes to take a spoonful for your strawberry swirl and makes a face when he’s tasted the sugary confection. “Yuck, you’re gonna get diabetes if you keep eating that. But nothing died in there, so what’s wrong with you?” 

“Soo,” you croaked, “My dad doesn’t love my mom anymore.” 

Kyungsoo gives you a perplexed look. “What do you mean?” 

“He says he has a girlfriend and he’s, he says he loves her,” you whimpered. “What do I do, Soo?” 

Kyungsoo isn’t fond of sentiments. He doesn’t know what to say to make you feel better, but he thinks it’s not ‘better’ that you need, it’s the truth and Kyungsoo can do truths. He’ll try to be less bleak about it, though. 

“Don’t you want your dad to be happy and be in love?” He starts off. You nodded hesitantly, wanting to add more to it, but Kyungsoo shushes you with a look to let him finish. 

“Look, your dad falling in love with another woman doesn’t mean he doesn’t love your mom any less. But your mom has been gone for a long time. Who knows, maybe it’s a good thing that your dad will have someone to love instead of just missing your mom all the time.” Kyungsoo shrugs his narrow shoulders, acting nonchalant, while you’re absorbing everything he said. Everything he said is right. Kyungsoo is smart and logical for a boy his age. How did he get so wise, you wondered. 

“And before you pull the ‘but he has me to love’ card, he does. But you’re his daughter. He expects you to fall in love on your own and eventually leave him as well. It’s life, you dummy.”

Oh, no, you’re tearing up again. You don’t want to leave your dad in the future. You love him with all your fifteen year old heart. 

You hear Kyungsoo’s chair screeching as he stands up to go ask the cashier for napkins, and soon he returns, shoving the wad of napkins in your tear-stained face. He lets you cry for a while, awkwardly smiling at a lady who looks at him in disappointment. Geez, you’re such a handful. 

“Well, that’s assuming that you’ll find someone that can handle you for the rest of their lives.” 

🌵

You’re 18 and lordy lord is it a weird time in your life. You’ve come to terms that you have to share your dad with your step-mom now, but you’ve never thought that one day, you’d have to share Kyungsoo with another girl in his life. His mother didn’t count because she left them when he was young. So, as long as you’ve known Kyungsoo, he’s always been just yours. 

Okay, fine, he doesn’t belong to you, but point sustained. 

Her name is Sohee, and she’s in the same grade as you and Kyungsoo. Her mother is some hotshot realtor and she lives in the biggest house in town. When she moved here six months ago, she took an immediate interest in Kyungsoo, and after many attempts at confessing, Kyungsoo finally accepted her.

She’s pretty, like really pretty, so it confuses you that she liked Kyungsoo, your ugly, stupid, and ugly best friend. Okay, fine, fine. Kyungsoo wasn’t ugly. But you can’t say he was good looking either! It’s just not right! All you could give credit to him was that he grew into his button nose and wide eyes.

There’s a knock on your door and your step-mom pokes her head through the crack. You invite her to step closer and walk into your room. She briefly glances at the photo of you as a baby and your parents sandwiching you between them on a bed. 

“I was going to ask you if you needed any help getting ready, but it seems like you’ve got it all under control,” she smiles tenderly. You return it just the same. 

“Do I look okay?” You’re wearing a slight bit of makeup and you’ve curled the ends of your long hair. It makes you look really girly and so unlike you, but you’re going out with Kyungsoo and Sohee and a few of her friends for barbeque so you think that maybe you should look at least good enough to hang with them. Geez, where’s all this insecurity coming from? 

“You look pretty, dear, you always do,” she replies. She brushes a stray strand of hair out of your face and inspects you closely, motherly, and you appreciate the gesture however much it makes you miss your real mom. 

---

You shouldn’t have been surprised that Sohee was friends with the popular kids. You just hate that you didn’t see it coming, to see Park Chanyeol sitting on the opposite side of the only available seat left. 

“Hey, Y/N! You made it!” Sohee cheers. It’s just a casual lunch hang out, and you’re aware she looks pretty every day, but you’re floored by how pretty she looks in a flowy white dress and her hair in a half updo. Kyungsoo gives you a ‘sup nod when you meet eyes. He’s sitting on the left of his girlfriend, your seat being on the right of Sohee. You greet everyone else at the table as you settle in, and they all respond kindly despite probably not knowing who you are.  

Everyone talks amongst themselves and across the table. You yourself try to engage, but can’t really find anything to add to the discussions. You keep quiet for the most part and eat the grilled meats when it’s ready. Suddenly, you feel someone tug on your hair and look up from the grill to see Chanyeol smirking at you. 

“You grew out your hair again,” he speculates the obvious. “I forgot how fun it was to pull pranks on you, Y/N.” 

Your cheeks turned red unconsciously, and Chanyeol is quick to point it out and friendly mock you out loud. His boisterous laugh is loud enough to catch everyone’s attention at your table. 

“You haven’t changed a bit, Y/N! You still get worked up so easily over something so small.” Chanyeol guffaws. He leans towards you and tease, “Would you believed me if I told you that I actually liked you back then?” 

You glare at Chanyeol, spiting the fact that he’s grown up handsomely and too tall for you to glower at when he’s taller than you even sitting down, and he’s making you blush right now. No, you don’t like Park Chanyeol, but he’s teasing you again and pulling on your hair like you guys are six again and you hate how belittling it feels. You’re pissed.

“Am I suppose to feel flattered, Park?” You snap. By now everyone is watching you two, glaring down one another. Kyungsoo growls your name, and snaps you out of it. You turn to meet his hard stare and his subtle head shake. He’s mad at you? Oh, hell no.

“Sorry,” you mumble to the whole table. “I forgot that I have to help my mom with something.” In your stricken state, you let the three letter word slip. But it was too late. Your heart sinks when you see the look in Chanyeol’s eyes shift. 

“Don’t you mean ‘step-mom’?” 

This time Kyungsoo calls out Chanyeol’s name, deep and threatening. “Yah, Park Chanyeol.” 

The shift in attention from you to Chanyeol is all you need to slip out of your seat and out of the restaurant. 

---

You don’t go home after leaving the restaurant. You know better than to worry your step-mom by coming home early, just an hour after you’ve left. 

Instead, you go to the ice cream place that you and Kyungsoo have been religiously visiting since you guys were fifteen. You get three hefty scoops of your favorite flavor, courtesy of the worker who knows you a little too well. 

You park your bum on one of the stools, refusing to sit in your usual spot without Kyungsoo there. Just when the thought your best friend crosses your mind, your phone chimes with a new message. 

‘U ok?’ 

‘Yeah’ You send back quickly. Three minutes pass, and you figure Kyungsoo saw your reply and is leaving it at that. But then another one comes through shortly.

‘Ok. Don’t finish all that ice cream, there’s too much sugar in that crap’

Your smile comes reflexively. 

---

Around 4pm, you go home. You sat in the ice cream shop for a total of three hours, talking to the worker there, until he clocked out and left you bored out of your mind for the last hour. 

Your dad is home from work, the evidence in his usual work shoes sitting in its shelf slot. 

“I’m home,” you announce. Your step-mom greets you back from where she is in the kitchen, preparing dinner. You head towards the kitchen for some water to wash down the sugar still in your mouth. 

“Where’s dad?” You ask. 

“Showering. Dear, would you mind watching over the stove?” 

You agree to, standing in front of the pot of soup and stir it in interest. It’s dad’s favorite.

“How was lunch with your friends, hm?” Your step-mom asks as she chops up stalks of green onion. 

You pretend to be really interested in what was cooking on the stove top, responding distractedly and vaguely. “It was fun. I’m still a little full from how much I ate.” Lies, you felt sick; you should’ve listened to Kyungsoo and not eaten all that ice cream.  

Your dad walks into the kitchen, giving you a smooch on your cheek and then your step-mom. 

Your step-mom resumes what she was saying before your dad walked in. “You can have a small dinner, so that way you won’t go to sleep hungry later, okay?” 

Dad butts into the conversation. “You’re not hungry, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah,” you grimace. “I had lunch with Kyungsoo, and Sohee.” You add the last bit almost as an afterthought. It makes you strikingly uncomfortable that every time you mention Kyungsoo nowadays, it’s followed with Sohee’s name. Now you really feel sick, period. 

After dinner which you sat through just for the sake of keeping your dad and step-mom company, you took a quick shower. You had forgotten about the makeup on your face, and came out of the shower looking like a panda. 

You’re wiping your eyes with makeup remover when there’s a knock on your door. 

“Come in,” you say, assuming it’s your dad or step-mom. However, it’s Kyungsoo. “Oh, hey.” 

“Hey,” he grunts, shutting the door behind him as he makes himself comfortable in your room. He sits on your bed, right by where you’re sitting on a chair in front of your vanity. He watches you finish removing your macara. 

“What’s up?” You questioned him after you’ve completely rid of your panda eyes. 

“Do you think I should break up with Sohee?” 

Trust Kyungsoo to come in like a wrecking ball with this sudden quandary. You’re shocked to say the least. 

“Wait, what?” 

Kyungsoo repeats the same question, and that’s when you notice how tired he sounds. He sounds completely drained as he sighs. You’re not sure what to do or say in this uncharted territory. In fact, the entirety of Kyungsoo and Sohee’s relationship was uncharted territory.

You ask the obvious question. “Do you not like Sohee anymore?” 

He sighs again, digging his palms into his eye sockets. “That’s the point. I’m not even sure if I ever liked her to begin with, Y/N.” 

You probably give him the stupidest face reaction ever, one of confusion and judgment. “Kyungsoo, you can not be stupid enough to call her your girlfriend for almost four months and not have had a single feeling towards her.” 

Kyungsoo shrugs. You steadily breathe through your nose to maintain your composure. 

“Okay, fine. Then why the sudden epiphany that you don’t want to be with her anymore?” 

“I mean,” Kyungsoo massages the back of his neck. “This isn’t sudden. I’ve thought about this for a while now. Today, after what happened, it just made it more clear.” 

“What do you mean?” You go to sit next to him on your bed. 

“Sohee kind of got upset after you left. We talked it out just before I came here, but she said she didn’t like how I got in between you and Chanyeol, like I was acting jealous that Chanyeol could have really liked you.” 

You snort. “Chanyeol did not and does not like me. He’s just being a jerk.” 

“That’s what I told her, but she wouldn’t believe me,” he groans. 

“That’s dumb. Is she insinuating that you actually have feelings for me? Me.” You point a finger at yourself and laugh. “There’s literally no way.” 

“...I know. So, what do you think I should do about Sohee?” 

You shrug. “I don’t know, Soo. Just do whatever you think is right.” 

---

Chanyeol eventually apologizes, a few weeks after the sour encounter you had. He corners you at school, said he didn’t mean to say the things he did and apologized for the low blow. He was being sincere, you could tell, so you accepted his “I’m sorry for being such a dick, even when we were younger I wasn’t nice to you at all, so I’m really sorry’. It felt too formal to shake it off, so he opted for a boyish one arm hug that melted away all your bitterness about the past. 

You tell Kyungsoo about your truce with Chanyeol later that night. He’s over at your house again, this time staying for dinner with your parents as well. Your dad always liked Kyungsoo, ever since you told him about ‘the boy in your grade who also lost his mother’. Of course, you learned later on in life that your mother’s passing was different from Kyungsoo’s mother leaving him and his father for another man. 

“So you guys are friends now?” Kyungsoo questions, moving your potted cactus to a spot he deemed more suitable. You let him do as he wishes since it was his gift for you, and you got two brown thumbs.

“We basically bro-hugged it out, and he apologized for what happened last week,” you say, shrugging. “It hardly constitutes as friendship, but at least we’re not enemies anymore.” Kyungsoo hums thoughtfully, but doesn’t respond with anything else on the matter. 

“So,” you start, sudden trepidation flooding your heart. “I heard about you and Sohee.” 

Kyungsoo doesn’t bat an eye as he continues organizing your desk, merely makes a sound of acknowledgment that he has heard you. 

“Are you okay, Soo?” 

He doesn’t say anything for a while, just silently replacing your notebooks into your file boxes and pens into your upcycle candle jar. Kyungsoo’s bedroom in comparison to yours is shockingly different. Whereas you find comfort in feeling as if your room was homey, Kyungsoo kept his immaculate. He cleans it daily, you swear, and there’s never an item misplaced. It drives Kyungsoo up the wall when you refuse to do the bare minimum as to reorganize your desk after a week of use; your bed and clothes, he doesn’t care for, but desk clutter is the worst kind of clutter, according to him.  

When he’s finally satisfied, he turns to join you on the bed, planting himself on the opposite end, right by your outstretched legs. 

“I’m not sad, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he starts. “We were dating for four months, and if I’m being honest, I wasn’t happy at any point in time during those months. 

“I think I only agreed to be her boyfriend because she had this power over me, urging me to just say yes, so I thought - what the hell - she’s pretty,” Kyungsoo confesses to which you have to force your eyeballs not to roll back. “But she was also controlling.” 

You frown at this, very deeply, and very hurt that you didn’t know about how Sohee was treating your best friend. 

“Bottom line is, I wasn’t happy with her and I’m so glad I finally broke it off.” Kyungsoo is grinning, relieved and wistful. 

“I’m sorry,” comes your apology. Kyungsoo questions it, baffled at why you were saying sorry as if his dumb mistake was your fault. “I don’t know. I feel like maybe I should’ve noticed something like this. I feel bad that you were unhappy this whole time when I had no clue.” 

You’ve always pride yourself in understanding Kyungsoo a little more than anyone else. He was your left arm and right leg for goodness sake. Kyungsoo had his tendencies, to bury everything remotely burdening and bare it all himself, but you should’ve been able to pick up on that. Right? 

Kyungsoo shrugs, as if saying, “Whatever, what’s done is done.” You’re left staring at each other for a good few seconds before you’re lifting your arms up, wondering, “Hug?” 

“I told you I’m fine, Y/N,” Kyungsoo repeated, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m not talking about you,” you muttered as you crawl towards the end of the bed. “I need it. For me.” 

Kyungsoo, though the least affectionate person you’ve ever met, can never say no to you when you look genuinely sad? Why were you sad? He simply opens up, allowing you to crawl into his arms and wrap your arms underneath and up around his shoulders. You squeeze him tight, surprising Kyungsoo who is virtually your pillar from toppling over--and shit. You’re suddenly crying. He makes sure your sniffles are crying sniffles, but honestly he could already feel the unevenness of your breathing from the way you’re pressed against his chest and he knows that you’re suppressing your cries. 

“Why are you crying?” He asks. He opts to play with the ends of your hair, unable to bring himself to comb his whole hand through it. Kyungsoo hopes and prays that you can’t feel how fast his heart is beating. 

You don’t though because yours is pounding in your own cavity, so heavy and aching that all you really feel from Kyungsoo is his warmth. 

“I missed you,” you whispered. You realize the weight of missing Kyungsoo was different than missing your mom. You hate to think that you’ve gotten used to the absence of your mother, but Kyungsoo was here the whole time yet you felt so far from him these past few weeks, months even. He tells you this, you predicted he would. 

“I’ve been here the whole time, though.” 

“Shut up, Soo, I know that. Just...give me a moment. Please?” Your plea settles in the valleys of his chest, seeping into his veins in lethal waves. 

Kyungsoo, now patting your head occasionally, sighs a deep sigh. You stayed in that position for five minutes until Kyungsoo finally complains about his aching back.

🌵

You’re finally the ‘A’ word, inevitably, age 22 and fresh out of college. You got a degree in history and working on getting your credentials to teach. You went to college in your city; it was small and humble, but you couldn’t imagine yourself leaving Daegu’s familiar charm. Everyone you knew, had grown up with left the minute summer was over, and they shipped off to different cities and countries and whatnot. Okay, maybe not every single person you knew. Park Chanyeol actually came back after three semesters at uni, deciding that school just wasn’t for him. 

Presently, you’re on baby watch while your parents are on a five-day vacation, one that you suggested and only mildly regret doing. 

“Seojun, it’s time for lunch. Aren’t you hungry?” You ask the two year old sitting in his playpen. He’s banging on his little toy that is suppose to promote motor skills but he has yet to figure out that it doesn’t require mindlessly banging on the dang thing. 

Halfway through setting up his lunch, the doorbell rings. You make sure he’s still occupied before taking your sights off him. 

“Kyungsoo?” He standing there, on your threshold, like it was the most casual thing for him to show up on a random Saturday afternoon. “What are you doing here?” 

Kyungsoo cracks a grin as he eyes your stained shirt. “Visiting. Can I come in?” 

You attempt to smooth out the creases on your shirt due to Seojun’s grabby hands as Kyungsoo walks further into your house. He easily makes his way over to your baby brother who’s curious about the strange man he’s only met through videocall. 

“I’m going to finish up preparing his lunch,” you tell Kyungsoo, and he nods with a soft look on his face. 

As you roll rice balls into baby bite-sized rounds, you steal glances at the man playing with your baby brother, attempting to will your heart to stop fluttering at how utterly gentle he was being. 

His hair is shorter than the last time you saw him-- through a screen-- it’s now shaved on either sides, leaving the top just a few inches longer than the rest. He’s wearing a grey sweater that fits snug against his chest and biceps--

“Done!” You shout, a little too loud for Seojun who trembles cutely on his wobbly bum. “Would you mind bringing Seojunnie over?” 

You shouldn’t be as mesmerized at the sight of Kyungsoo’s taut forearm supporting Seojun’s bottom as much as you were. He seats him on the high chair and Seojun goes to town with his lunch without much prompting. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?” You ask while sliding him a cup of water. 

Kyungsoo takes a sip before responding. “I messaged you this morning,” he defends, but you actually haven’t seen your phone all day. You were occupied with Seojun since yesterday and you normally don’t expect calls or messages. Kyungsoo knows this so it doesn’t entirely puts him in the clear.

“You hadn’t mentioned anything last week when we spoke,” you grumbled. “So, how long do I have you for this time?”

Kyungsoo usually stays in weeks at a time, never going longer than three weeks unless it was the holidays. 

“I’m done with my internship, decided to move back for a little while,” he explains. Kyungsoo studied and graduated with a major in engineering, and started interning at a company right after he finished. That was almost two years ago, and he was finally done. 

You try not to think about how little is a little while, focusing on how for now, you have your best friend back by your side. 

---

Turns out it wasn’t that long. Kyungsoo was gone again by the following month, landing a job in Seoul, with benefits and a pay more than you could dream of with your teaching job. You’re happy for him, extremely happy, and so proud to watch him grow and succeed in life. So you suck it up, brush away the ache in your chest, and send him off with a happy smile. 

🌵

You’re twenty-five, turning twenty-six today, and life is okay. You’re a high school teacher as planned and you like your job and where you are in life.  

You wake up to Seojun jumping on your bed, screaming, “Happy birthday noona!” You literally have to peel him off like a leech after a while when he wouldn’t let you go to get ready for work. He says it again at the table over breakfast, followed by a chorus of happy birthdays from your parents as well. 

“Thank you, thank you all,” you say, voice full of mirth. You make a mess of Seojun mop of a hair before parting for work. 

The day goes by quickly when it’s filled with smiles and thank you’s towards your colleagues who greets you a happy birthday. Few of the ladies expressed their envy of your youth, being the youngest teacher and all, but all you could think in the back of your mind was whether you were ready to be another year older. 

You’re meeting up with Chanyeol for dinner later that day. You try, but to no avail, to stop your mother from giving you suggestive looks when you tell her that you’re spending your birthday with Chanyeol. 

“He’s just a friend, Mom,” you said. “Chanyeol and I will never, ever be, so just give it up already, okay?” 

Your mother simply walks out of your room with a singsonged, “Whatever you say, dear.” 

Chanyeol picks you up at seven. He comments on how nice you look in your little black dress, to which you thank him and return to him the same; he wore a pinstripe shirt with a blazer thrown over for a casual but put-together dinner look. Chanyeol, being the popular guy in high school like he was, was always aware of his wardrobe. He had his admirers to please, and you make a joke to him about it.

“You’re not trying to impress me, are you, Park?” 

He shrugs. “Depends on if you’re impressionable.” 

You chortle goodnaturedly. “Not since you called me ugly when we were eight.” 

He winces. “Damn, I hope Seojun doesn’t learn to hold grudges like you do.” 

The drive to the restaurant that Chanyeol had made reservations with was fifteen minutes away. You had made him promise not to go overboard for your birthday; you’ve only spent your three previous birthdays with Chanyeol but he always somehow manages to make the celebration bigger than it should’ve been. The previous year he took you to the aquarium, and the year before that, he surprised you in your classroom. Let’s just say the kids were more than ecstatic that the classtime spent was more or less than unproductive. 

You couldn’t explain how Chanyeol and you had gotten so close. After bumping into him at the market, you rekindled the unlikely friendship that was you and Park Chanyeol, the popular high school kid who was expected to evolve into your typical college frat boy but surprised the world when he returned to his hometown. That and the fact that you both understood each other quite well. 

“Order anything you want. It’s my treat tonight.” The waiter comes over with a bottle of champagne that Chanyeol had reserved. The menu consists of steaks and seafood specialties. The steak, good lord, is almost over $50, so you smother your usual craving for beef down and tell Chanyeol that you’d like the seabass with a salad and veggies which was still up there. 

“Seriously, Y/N?” Chanyeol gives you a doubtful look. “You can eat five-six rounds of brisket when we barbecue and you’re telling me you want seabass?” 

You pinked at his frank observation. “It just sounds interesting! I want to try it and you can’t stop me,” you argue, adding a sassy hair flick over your shoulder. 

Chanyeol succumbs reluctantly and flags the waiter down who takes your order. Chanyeol orders your seabass and the steak for himself, and you just know it’s his sly way of giving you want you actually want. 

“Have you spoken to Kyungsoo today?” Chanyeol asks when the waiter walks away.

Kyungsoo. A name once so homey, but foreign as of late. 

You shake your head at the question, reaching for your glass to wash the imaginary bitterness away. 

“He’s probably busy with work.” At least that’s the reason he’s been giving you whenever you try to contact him only for him to message hours later that he can’t talk at the moment. You don’t blame him of course; life gets busy and it wasn’t like you weren’t the same. Teaching proved to be an around the clock job as you spend as much available time when you’re not teaching, planning lessons and grading papers. 

You wonder, but try not to dwell, on the fact that he’s forgotten your birthday. Maybe even forgotten about you. You scoff out loud at the thought. The slight sweetness that was in the wine had gone sour all of a sudden.

Chanyeol, of all people, was the first to recognize your feelings for Kyungsoo. Yes, you had feelings for your best friend, if you could still call him that. Feelings that weren’t all platonic and that scared you at first, when you got really moody during his last relationship with some girl at his uni. 

Even your parents brushed it off as your first mid-life crisis where you refused to leave the house and ignored every soul that wasn’t under the roof.

It was Chanyeol who eventually called you out on your feelings when you both were drinking one night, and you got mad at him for saying nonsense. After sobering up(and brooding for 2 days), you called Chanyeol and apologized for calling him terrible names and kicking him in the shin. He wouldn’t accept your apology until you fessed up and admitted your feelings. 

“You’re killing me here, Y/N,” Chanyeol presently groans, making you roll your eyes. He’s become somewhat of a part-time relationship confidant to you, though you’d never admit what a mess you were out loud.

The food arrives and you both dig in. Chanyeol cuts off a chunk of his steak and puts it on your plate, as you expected. You get ready to scold him, but with one look at his stern expression, you pause, letting all arguments die in your throat. 

“Thank you, Chanyeol,” you say. There’s a heaviness in your chest because no matter how great Chanyeol was to you, you still wish that it was Kyungsoo that was taking you out to dinners and visiting you at work and taking you to the aquarium. Not that you were comparing Chanyeol to Kyungsoo...but technically they both aren’t compared in any other ways besides being your best friend. Damn, now you just missed Kyungsoo, period. 

“Yah, yah,” Chanyeol admonishes when he notices your smile quivering. “None of that today. We’re celebrating your birthday, okay?” He picks up his flute and motions you to do the same. “To 26,” he cheers, softly connecting your glasses together in a faint clink. 

For the rest of the night, you catch up with Chanyeol; his life as a chef was interesting to say the least as he shares stories about all the various people who visits his restaurant. You talk until Chanyeol shakes off his slight buzz in order to get behind the wheel. When it’s out of his system, Chanyeol grabs the bill and drives you guys back to a convenience store near your house. 

It’s a funny look-- both of you dressed for a fancy dinner but are sitting on the table outside the store with bottles of soju, doing shots. Well, you’re doing shots. Meanwhile, Chanyeol is nursing you who’s getting drunker with every shot. He takes one for every five you take. 

You were doing good, not dwelling on Kyungsoo for the most part, but the alcohol messes with your coherence to block him out, and next thing you know you’re flooded with all these damn emotions. 

“Chanyeol, have you ever loved someone?” 

“Yeah,” he answers. 

You think he might be joking so you retort back with, “And it can’t be your mom or sister, Yeol.” He surprises you when he simply smirks and repeats his answer. 

“Do I know this person?” You ask. This was news to you. Chanyeol, as far as you knew, never dated in high school and hasn’t gone out with a girl in a few years. He was flirty by nature, but despite girls flocking around him, he’s never made one his girlfriend. 

Chanyeol asserts that, no, you didn’t know this person. He simply states that it was a girl he knew of since he was young. You wanted to ask him if he still loves this girl.

You’re downing another shot when, suddenly, your phone rings with an incoming call. 

“Yah, Kyungsoo is calling you,” Chanyeol informs you, knowing you probably can’t see straight to read his name.

“Should I pick up? What should I do? I’m not thinking straight.” In your sluggish, panic state, you stumble and slur on your words. Chanyeol answers the call for you before it’s too late.

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says into the device. “Y/N is a little out of it right now.” Kyungsoo says something back that Chanyeol relays to you. Whispering, he tells you, “He says he still wants to talk to you.” 

Reluctantly, you take the phone and put it to your ear. 

“Hey, Soo!”

Kyungsoo sighs softly on the other end. “Are you drunk?” 

You make a sound that sounds vaguely similar to an excited baby. With your heart pounding in your ribcage, you don’t trust yourself to vocalize anything, nevermind coherency. 

“How was your birthday?” He asks after a few seconds. 

“Work, dinner, now soju,” you summarized, giggling at the end. You hear shuffling of papers in the background. “Are you still working?” It’s almost midnight, and he was still working? 

Kyungsoo hums in response. 

“Soo, it’s too late for you to be still working. Whatever it is, it can wait. Get some rest, hmm?” 

“I’m getting ready to leave,” he says. 

“Good.” You smile over the phone, feeling safe that he can’t see the love pouring out of you. Damn, you need to keep. It. In. Check. 

 “Just wanted to make sure I get in my birthday wish before it’s over,” he mumbles. There’s a somber tone to his voice and you recognize it as the same one he used before when he told you that he wouldn’t visit for the holidays because of deadlines. 

“It’s okay, Soo. I’m okay,” you murmur back. “Thank you.” Kyungsoo goes silent on the other end for a minute. 

With both of you not saying anything, Chanyeol mouths, “Did he hung up?” You shake your head. 

In another few seconds, Kyungsoo sighs before telling you to get home safe and that he’ll give you a call tomorrow morning.

You give Chanyeol the phone back(even though it’s yours) and knock out on the table. To twenty-six!...

🌵

You’re still 26. It’s one month after your birthday, and Kyungsoo surprises you with a call during your lunch break. It’s odd because you sent him an article talking about how sugar was once considered medicinal, and that was this morning and he hadn’t responded. Leave it to Kyungsoo to ghost your message and skip right to phoning. 

“Transferred? What do you mean?” You wipe the sauce that drips down your chin. Gross. 

“I put in a request to move to the office closer to Daegu, so I’m moving back.” Kyungsoo tells you over the phone.  

“But-but why? I mean, not that I’m not happy about this news, but…” You don’t voice out the fact that Kyungsoo being in Seoul made your coping to stop thinking about him a little easier. Not that it was ever successful, but that’s besides the point. How will you keep your feelings in check with him living fifteen minutes away from you? 

“Well, Chanyeol was the one who gave me the idea.” You make a mental reminder to murder Chanyeol later. “I just went ahead and asked to see if it was possible. It took one month for them to agree, but they finally did, so, I guess I’m coming home,” he concludes. 

---

Even though Kyungsoo is back, it’s different from before. You guys aren’t teenagers anymore, but adults with obligations and a proper job that requires you both on tight schedules. Even so, you guys are making an effort to make up for lost time and try to see each other on the weekends.  

You don’t know why it takes three weeks after his return for your family to invite Kyungsoo over for dinner, but your mother brings it up in the morning over breakfast, and tells you to message Kyungsoo. 

‘Parents ask if you wanna come over for dinner??”

‘Sure. Tonight?’ 

‘Yep :)’ 

‘Ok’ And just like that, Kyungsoo was coming over for dinner with you and your family. 

Your dad gives Kyungsoo a fatherly hug when he arrives, clapping his back twice and saying things like, “You’ve gotten big, son. You working out?” and “It’s great to have you back, so I have a second pair of eyes to keep an eye on Y/N,” —he whispers that last part but really, he wasn’t even trying. You roll your eyes with a pointed look. 

Seojun was always a social kid-- just like you were in most ways-- so it doesn’t surprise anyone that Seojun is accepting Kyungsoo so easily. You and your parents observe the little boy who won’t stop bothering Kyungsoo throughout dinner just to blabber something irrelevant to the man. Kyungsoo takes it all in stride, even letting Seojun settle on his lap in order for Seojun to at least have his dinner while playing with his new hyung.  

“So, Kyungsoo, are you seeing anyone?” Your dad asks, making you choke mildly on your dinner. 

“Dad!” You exclaim in place of Kyungsoo who couldn’t express his shock that your dad out of all people was inquiring about his love life. Your dad mouths, “what?” at you. You haven’t even touched that subject since he got back, for both of your benefits. If Kyungsoo wanted to tell you, then he would at his own time. 

Kyungsoo smiles goodnaturedly, and answers, “Not at the moment, sir.” You try not to ponder his very specific answer paired with the gentle look on his face. Does that mean he had a girl in mind? 

“Dad, quit it,” you grumble when he goes off tangent about the know-hows of courting a woman. Your step-mom jumps in with, “Honey, we all know that it was me who had to pursue you before we finally started dating.” While your parents begins a discourse about the beginnings of their relationship, you quietly finish your dinner and began on the dishes since your mother did the cooking. 

“Need some help?” 

You turn around to see Kyungsoo with his used bowls walking towards where you’re standing in front of the sink. 

“Wanna help dry?” You suggest but Kyungsoo shakes his head, offering to do the washing instead. You shrug and let him take over as he pleased. Kyungsoo was always the more neat and clean one of you two.

“It’s Sunday tomorrow,” Kyungsoo states. “Are you doing anything?” 

“I’m meeting with Chanyeol tomorrow,” you reply, replacing the clean and dried utensils in the drawer. “We’re watching a movie and probably grabbing lunch afterwards.” You tell him. You’ve been hanging out with Chanyeol regularly on Sundays because it was his only day off.

“You could join us for lunch, if you want to,” you say. 

Kyungsoo hesitates for a while. “You sure? Shouldn’t you ask Chanyeol to make sure it’s okay first?” 

“He won’t mind, seriously. We see each other so often that I’m surprise he isn’t sick of me yet. He’ll be more than happy to have someone other than me there.” You scoff.

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer to that, but agrees with a pensive look as he completes the dishes. He doesn’t voice out whatever he’s thinking about the rest of the night.

----

“I still can’t believe how hard you cried.” 

You and Chanyeol are sitting at the pizza place you told Kyungsoo to meet you at, having your typical banter. This time, it’s about the movie that you guys just watched. 

“Look, it was sad, okay? Simba literally had to watch his dad struggle and die right in front of him! After he made that promise to always be by his side, too? Devastating, and you don’t have a heart if that didn’t kill you inside, Y/N.”

“Yes, but you were literally sobbing, Yeol. Parents were giving you looks.” You mimic some of the looks you saw, from worried to straight up judging. 

“I don’t care. Simba lost his father, I deserve to mourn.” Chanyeol frowns deeply, sinking further into his seat. You’re mumbling about how even some of your students were more mature than this gigantic man when Kyungsoo arrives.

“Yah, Do Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol’s mood immediately turns, and he’s all big and goofy grin as he claps Kyungsoo’s shoulder in greeting. “It’s been awhile, dude!” 

Just because you’re still bitter that Chanyeol called you heartless, you mock the way he says dude, as if he doesn’t call you dude half the time. Kyungsoo grins at your silliness while Chanyeol blatantly ignores you.

While the two reacquaint themselves, you go to order the food after a short discussion of what flavors everyone wanted. 

“Hi, what can I get for you?” The worker manning the register asks kindly. You return the smile he gives you that oddly resembles a puppy. You focus on the menu in your hand as you repeat the different flavors and items you wanted. He types it all into the machine, repeating your order back, and completing with, “Anything else, pretty?” 

You almost choke on your spit. Looking up at the worker, your eyes made a brief glance at the name on his tag that read: “Baekhyun”. You’re too shocked to answer right away, which this guy, Baekhyun, notices. 

“Sorry,” he meekly apologizes. “I couldn’t help myself because you look so pretty.” Apparently the idea of subtlety wasn’t in this guy’s dictionary, and you couldn’t help the red from painting across your cheeks at his frank compliment. 

“No, it’s okay. I was just taken aback, but thank you,” you shyly beamed. Baekhyun smile becomes even brighter when you’ve responded positively. You have to look down again to hide your blushing cheeks when you decided how utterly cute the guy was.

“If that’s all then your order will be ready in fifteen to twenty minutes, pretty.” You manage to meet eyes with him again, thinking it’d be rude to not when he’s clearly talking to you, and he steals the short moment to send you a flirty wink. 

Dazed, you walk back to your table not too far away. You can only hope that Chanyeol won’t embarrass you about your red face in front of Kyungsoo.

But, alas. “Dude, I can feel the heat of your face all the way from here.”

“Shut it, Park.” 

If Kyungsoo wanted to join in on Chanyeol’s antics, he doesn’t show it neither does he comment on what he and Chanyeol most likely witnessed. You only kinda want to kill Chanyeol for his irresponsible mouth because the compliment from Baekhyun, though a little too forward for your liking, was still nice and pleasant overall. 

For the next hour or two, you guys spent lunch catching up on each other’s lives while reminiscing about the simplicity of the past. Kyungsoo learns about Chanyeol’s profession as a chef; he looks mildly jealous at this revelation. 

“Kyungsoo really likes cooking, actually,” you find yourself telling Chanyeol. Since high school, Kyungsoo would occasionally surprise you with homemade lunch that he would make alongside his father the night before. And because he was Kyungsoo, it always tasted better than you’d expected.

“We should get together and cook a meal one day!” Chanyeol blurts excitedly. He also rudely adds, “Y/N burns everything she touches.” 

“Yah!” You throw punches to his arm that actually hurts. 

“It’s the truth!” Chanyeol howls. “I feel sorry for your future husband! Better hope he has an iron stomach!” 

“Then I’ll just marry someone who can cook for the both of us!” Two seconds after, you realize the implications of your statement and regret everything instantly. Chanyeol hides his smirk while you give him a death glare to shut up. Kyungsoo, again, stays quiet. 

The lack of response makes you both glad and upset, leaning towards upset and you didn’t enjoy the way your heart clenched tightly. It feels similar to when baby Seojun would hold onto your fingers with a vice grip.

Kyungsoo was a man of few words, sure, but you’d rather have him and his snide remarks than this silence. Silence meant that it wasn’t even worth his breath to acknowledge, nevermind be affected by.

After lunch, Chanyeol parts ways to run some errands--so he claims, but the subtle wink he sends you tells you otherwise. Kyungsoo is the one to suggest getting ice cream. 

“Maybe at your favorite place?” 

You perk up at that, telling him that you haven’t visited that place in a while. The shop recently underwent some renovation due to a leak, or so your inside man tells you. 

“Are you sure you don’t want the strawberry swirl?” Kyungsoo asks for the fourth time while setting the scoop of red bean ice cream in front of you that you requested. He has a scoop the mint chocolate chip for himself.

“Sadly, I’m not like I used to be,” you frowned. “Last time I tried eating the strawberry swirl, I got a major headache from all the sugar.” 

Kyungsoo snorts. “Guess I don’t have to say I told you so anymore.” 

“You don’t, but why do I still hear you saying it in your head?” You place your chin on your propped up palm, cocking your head to the side in mockery. Kyungsoo simply chuckles before shoving a spoonful of his ice cream into his mouth. You shouldn’t be, but you find yourself staring a few seconds too long at his lips. They’re plump and pink and too inviting. 

“Y/N?” You hear someone call out. Looking up, you see a tall man, burly and jacked up. It’s Son Hyunwoo, a fellow teacher who was closest to you in age, being four years older than you, though his looks could easily fool anyone.  Standing by his side was a little boy whose eyes looked uncanny to his father. 

“Hyunwoo oppa!” You beam brightly. Unnoticed by you, Kyungsoo is thoroughly confused because you called this man with such delight and affection. What even. 

Hyunwoo walks over with his six year old, a little cutiepie named Hyuk. 

“Hi, Hyuk-ah!”

Being just like his father, Hyuk face is straight even as he politely bows his tiny little head with his hands on his belly, greeting you. He’s so darn cute that you can’t not fuss over him. 

“I almost missed you because you look so different with your hair,” Hyunwoo comments, ruffling the top of your head as you had just done to Hyuk. Usually, you wear your hair in a low bun because your female colleagues had once said that you looked more mature with the particular look. Without the do, your hair is still on the shorter side, barely grazing your shoulders. 

Consciously, you curl the hairs framing your face behind your ears, all the while simpering like a teenager in front of her crush. At least that’s how it looked to Kyungsoo who has to choke on his spit for you to remember his presence. 

“Oh, right,” you startle. “This is Kyungsoo, my childhood best friend,” you announce, gesturing to poker-faced Kyungsoo. “And this is Hyunwoo oppa. He’s an athletics teacher at our school.” 

Hyunwoo smiles amicably, offering Kyungsoo a handshake. Without a choice, Kyungsoo puts his hand in his awaiting ones, but regrets it immediately when he notices you outright ogling at Hyunwoo’s huge biceps flexing in front of you.  

“I thought we were interrupting a date, but good thing it’s not one, right?” Hyunwoo grins, seemingly harmless but it ticks off Kyungsoo anyways, especially when you quickly jump in to deny such assumptions. 

You know that Hyunwoo says the darndest things, but this was top-tier blasphemy and not because you didn’t like Kyungsoo that way(unfortunately); you’re trying your best to play it off because you didn’t want what Hyunwoo said to make Kyungsoo uncomfortable. And you’re slightly emotional again. 

“Appa,” Hyuk suddenly interrupts by pulling on his father’s hand. “Ice cream.” He pouts adorably, having been patient enough as his dad talks, but he’s getting anxious to get the ice cream his dad promised him after their doctor visit.  

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N,” Hyunwoo says to you, offering Kyungsoo a curt nod. His hand lingers on your shoulder too long for Kyungsoo’s liking, something he makes apparent after the father and son leaves. 

“Isn’t he a little too comfortable with touching a woman that’s not his wife?” Kyungsoo mutters. 

“What? Hyunwoo oppa? He’s not married,” You say, bewildered and slightly peeved by Kyungsoo’s tone of voice.

Kyungsoo frown deepens. “What?” 

“He’s a single father, Soo. His wife passed during childbirth, so it’s only him and Hyuk.” 

If the ground could open up and swallow Kyungsoo whole, he’d like that every much. God, he feels like a complete douchebag. He didn’t even have the right to feel...jealous, not when you weren’t his g-

“You could be really insensitive sometimes, you know that?”

“What? I didn’t know!” Kyungsoo voiced loud enough to attract the attention of the workers. You shot a glare at him to not start, not now. “That’s not fair, Y/N. I’m sorry that I don’t know everyone that’s in your life, and the details of their lives.” Maybe we don’t even know each other. “Maybe I should be sorry for moving back here in the first place,” Kyungsoo snaps. 

The thought has crossed your mind, of why Kyungsoo decided to come back. A foolish part of you allow you to think that you were the reason. Your eyes are flooded with tears before you could try to will them to stop, wallowing up so high until they had no choice but to let gravity pull them down. Kyungsoo’s heart drops to his stomach seeing you cry, wanting to apologize immediately when he knows just how fucked up what he just said was. 

Feeling hopeless and utterly gutted, you managed to lock eyes with Kyungsoo, rendering him speechless. You nod once in silence, unable to speak at this point, letting more tears trickle down your face before you’re getting up and walking out of the ice cream shop. 

---

Would you have believed Kyungsoo if he told you that he sort of started loving you from the very beginning? Okay, okay, maybe not from when you almost broke his arm from pushing him too hard on the swings. Maybe it’s from when you consoled him after catching him crying, that was when you were fourteen.

Kyungsoo sure as hell think not, just like how you didn’t believe Chanyeol. Kyungsoo’s exhausted the idea of you and him as something more than best friends at this point, and somehow he was still not sure-- not confident that either of you would be happy being together. He tried distancing you, doing the most as to move back to his hometown to study and start up a new life, leaving you behind. But distance be damned because Kyungsoo couldn’t stop thinking about you. Of your stupid quarells, getting heated over debates about trivial matters. You serving him burnt food with a guilty smile on your face. You falling asleep while studying together, and you crying because you hate studying period. 

Kyungsoo can function perfectly without you. He cooks well, studies well, earn well, even socialize well contrary to popular belief. But when he’s alone in his bed at night, reflecting on his day, he finds nothing remotely significant to end his day with. It was honestly how he finally gave up on his act of “busy settling in” and finally gather the nerve to call you. Since then, phone and video calls were the loopholes to his effort to stop...feeling things for you. When it became too difficult to not see or talk to you, that’s when he finally snapped out of it. He found himself a nice girl in his engineering club and they dated for a few months. She was smart, pretty, and a lot like his first girlfriend. Then he realized what a shitty thing it was to do, use a girl as a distraction from who he really wanted, and broke up with her. 

Kyungsoo knows when he has messed up. He doesn’t apologize often but he does when it counts. He knows today’s event went considerable south because he was simply too cowardly to admit that he loves you, and that he wants and maybe even needs you. Kyungsoo realizes, albeit late, that he’s fucked up. Royally. And he needs to act before he regrets it.

---

The rest of your family is out of town, visiting relatives in the city, so when the doorbell rings, at 1 in the morning no less, you’re worried that something’s gone wrong. 

With a nervous heart, you open the door only to reveal Kyungsoo. His frown is deeper than ever, his hair messy like he couldn’t stop running his fingers through them all night. 

You let out an audible groan. “What are you doing here, Soo? God, I thought,” you pause mid sentence, scared to voice out your pessimistic thoughts for the universe to hear. 

“Can I come in?” 

Without answering, you wordlessly retreat into the house as Kyungsoo closes the door and follows behind you. You start to put on the kettle to brew some tea. After that scare that woke you up, you’ll need some help falling back to sleep. 

“What do you want? What’s so important that you have to scare me shitless when I have to be awake in five hours?” 

You’re standing by the kettle, watching it closely with your arms crossed, hips resting against the counters. Your countenance exudes hostility, but inside your nerves eats away at your insecurities. 

Kyungsoo stands a few feet away, looking stiff and troubled as he figures out what to say. He promised himself he was going to do it, now, tonight. 

“Do, do you know why I moved back?” Kyungsoo takes one step closer towards you, beginning to round the island. 

You make a face. “What?” He repeats his question and this time you answer. “Yes. You moved back because you got relocated for your job,” you say, confidence flowing through your voice. 

Kyungsoo smiles woefully. “And how about why I moved away in the first place?” 

“This is getting ridiculous. The answers to these questions are so obvious that I don’t understand why you’re asking me this, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo makes his way closer. “No, they’re not that obvious, Y/N, because you’re wrong.” 

With less than five feet between you two, you’re getting unnerved by the sher scent of him that emits and propagates the kitchen space. Kyungsoo doesn’t look away from you once, as he continues speaking. 

“The answers to both of these questions are the same. There’s only one single person in this whole world that can turn and flip my world upside down and it’s you, Y/N. I left because I couldn’t be with you; staying next to you while feeling the way I did towards you and not lose myself in you. We pick fights with each other like it’s our job, and we forgive each other in the end like it’s a given. But I didn’t want that. I wanted,” Kyungsoo falters, before continuing. “To hold your hands, to kiss...to kiss away your tears, and be the man you deserved.”

“I felt stuck between being your best friend and wanting to be more. I got frustrated because whenever I looked at you, at us, all the signs in the universe said that we wouldn’t work. I did what I thought was best and left, but it was the stupidest decision I ever made because I never, ever stopped liking you once after I realized the way I felt. I can’t go on, not having you know this. And I know it was cowardly of me to do that...I know that you might not...not feel an ounce of romantic feelings for me, but I’d rather tell you now before it’s too late.” 

Following Kyungsoo’s confession, there’s only the sound of the water boiling rapidly filling the air. Kyungsoo brings it upon himself to walk over and turn off the fire, but that also meant walking closer to you; you who is stagnant, utterly speechless at the revelation. Your ears heard the words Kyungsoo said, but your brain short circuit the minute he said the words ‘feelings’ and ‘you’ in the same sentence with the pretense that he. Fucking. Loved. You. 

“Y/N, say something, please.” 

“Give me a sec,” you growl, gnawing at your lips. It’s bad enough that this is how you have to confess, but to realize that you both could’ve just said something years ago and you wouldn’t have cried your stupid heart out. Zeroing on that thought alone, your first instinct was to stir a fight. 

“I can’t fucking believe you made me cry all those times just because you couldn’t-- okay, fine. I’m also at fault because I’ve liked you since god knows how long and didn’t say anything, but,” you pause abruptly to finally look at Kyungsoo in the eyes, and you notice how he’s just inches away. You’re aware of the warmth that his body radiates, and it pulls you in closer. 

It’s Kyungsoo’s turn to be confused because, what, you liked him too, and for how long? He really wants to punch himself. 

“Look, we can’t turn back time, so we’ll just leave it at that,” Kyungsoo says, reaching for your hand. When he finally grasp it, it’s small and soft compared to his and he thinks for a moment that he wouldn’t mind holding your hand for the rest of his life. “I’m sorry for being a coward, sorry for making you cry when all I wanted was for you to be happy, and healthy. I promise to try my best because that’s what you deserve.” 

You’re mad blushing and frowning at what he said. “We have to make up for loss time though, somehow. God, we’re so stupid.” You stare intently at your intertwined hands, heart fluttering at how Kyungsoo draws his thumbs across your knuckles as if he was familiarizing himself with your hands. He swings it back and fro absentmindedly. 

“I’m in no rush,” he says. “Baby steps, anything is fine with me.” He tugs a little more intently, pulling you towards him. You think you might die with how many butterflies are living in your stomach and how he makes your heart pound erratically. Next thing you know, you’re untangling your fingers from his’, disappointment briefly falling on his face, but then you’re wrapping your arms around his waist. You’re so warm, from blushing no less, and he feels it through your clothes as your body mold against his. 

With some bit of confidence with not having to look at Kyungsoo in the eyes, you softly ask, “Does that mean you’re not even going to kiss me?”

You think-- think-- you felt Kyungsoo’s heart skip a beat, but it could’ve been your own heart also. Kyungsoo hums, as if contemplating, which makes you nervous because maybe you shouldn’t have asked. But then he grabs your arms from around his waist and unleashes himself from your embrace, keeping your hands safely in his. Kyungsoo peers into your perturbed eyes before dropping his gaze to your lips. He gives you half of a smile, one filled with adoration, and leans in to plant a kiss. You’re pleasantly surprised with the forehead kiss he gives you, sending a new wave of warmth across your cheeks and spread down your neck; the butterflies decidedly have settled to live permanently in your tummy.  

Kyungsoo pulls away after eons have passed. “Baby steps,” he murmurs, rubbing your exposed arms when he feels goosebumps manifesting.

Baby steps, he says, but Kyungsoo doesn’t tell you how he might not sleep a wink if he chooses to kiss your lips. Someday he will, but for tonight, he basks in the feeling of you in his arms in the middle of your kitchen, kettle long forgotten. Though he almost, almost, threw out all his inhibitions when you send him off with a kiss on his cheek, treading a little too close to his lips, and whisper good night. 

A good night implies that you and Kyungsoo got some sleep, but in your respective rooms that night, all that went through your minds was what the future held for you two. As best friends. As lovers.

[exosmuttytalk]

Articulation - Exo Chanyeol One-shot

Genre: Smut

Characters: Park Chanyeol/You, OC

Word count: 3200 approx.

Summary: Being the English teacher for the whole group, you end up setted for a very especial lesson with Chanyeol.

Comments: This is my first time ever writing smut. Also, English is not my first language. Be good to me :3

“I swear to heavens, Chanyeol, if you add another “e” at the end of a word, I’m going to smack you in the mouth.”

Chanyeol’s shoulders visibly sunk as he heard you telling him off for the nth time that evening.

Adults tend to pick up foreign languages at a much slower pace than kids, that’s why when you accepted a job teaching nine grown up men who needed to be fluent in English as fast as possible, you know it’d be a challenge. Luckily for you, all of them already had some basic notions, so you didn’t have to waste time teaching how to say hello or to use the verb “to be”, but getting them to actually talk in English had been quite a task. It probably had something to do with their cultural background; they basically refused to do anything they weren’t completely sure about. Little by little, you had gotten them to speak more than just a couple of words on a row, firstly on the classroom and then, whenever you met up with them, as they had grown to appreciate you. Surely, being close in age to them made you more relatable and approachable, and they were less scared to make mistakes.

“I don’t get how Kyungsoo and you will sometimes record random covers in English where you sound almost perfect, but when I’m trying to get you to speak, you can’t say a whole sentence without butchering it!”

“You think I sound perfect when I sing in English?” his face lighted up with an endearing smile, as if he had suddenly forgotten your rage.

“Ksoo does definitely sound better than you, though.”

Which was completely true. When you first arrived, you have asked around some random questions to the group in order to find out what you were dealing with, and you were surprised to find Kyungsoo’s pronunciation was almost perfect. He didn’t know the grammar completely and his vocabulary range was not the best, but he was definitely the first to grasp the concepts you explained. Also, he used it very much for his advantage, teasing his mates to the point you sometimes kicked him out of the classroom to do other stuff. He always mumbled something about it being his revenge, but you all knew he wouldn’t hurt a fly.

But there you were, stuck in their house, sitting opposite the epitome of the korean-est accent you could think of. In previous sessions you have managed to convince his brain not to substitute the sound in “th” for the sound in “w” and the “r” for “l”, but that night you were facing the biggest problem the boy had in display for your utter enjoyment. He insisted on adding a vowel (usually an e) to whatever word that ended up with a consonant; so it made them sound like “sandwiche”, “worde”, “pinku” and “bubble gume”. You had started by explaining why that wasn’t correct and then interrupting his speech to make him pronounce every wrong word again, but there was no use. Whenever you thought this time he’d gotten the idea and you’d leave him to speak on his own again, he’d pronounce three or four words correctly to fail on the fifth one.

It was 9pm and you’d been there for five hours already. You had seen all his mates come and go around the house, some of them approaching you two to ask how everything was going but most of them refusing to come any closer after they saw your death stare.

“I’m very sorry. I’m trying, but I just can’t seem to do it. I always get distracted and make the same mistakes over and over,” he apologized, back to looking bummed.

You sighed loudly.

“It’s alright. I guess it will just correct itself over time, as long as you keep reading and listening to the language…”

“Then you will have to go on talking to me,” he smiled again, making your stomach take a leap, because he was just so adorable even though he constantly tested your patience. “How comes you’re so good at Korean, anyway?”

“Don’t know,” you shrugged. “I took an interest in it when I was a teen and decided I wanted to learn as much as I could. I joined lessons and tried to make the most out the resources I had. Then I moved here because I loved the culture and the country and now I’m here.”

“Caught up here trying to teach an airhead who can’t even listen.”

“You don’t have to be so hard on yourself!” You laughed at his exaggeration. “Some people have it easier than the rest naturally, but everything comes with time and effort.”

You took a look at the clock in the kitchen wall.

“I probably should get going. It’s Saturday and traffic gets awful at night.”

“Why don’t you stay a little longer? We can order food, relax a bit and then keep on practising.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“I’m never tired of being with you, even if you’re scolding me,” he nodded as he took out his phone and searched for his favourite take out place’s number.

When the food arrived, he suggested switching from the hard wooden chairs in the kitchen to the sofa in one of the living rooms, to watch some TV and get a bit more comfortable.

When you felt the weight of his body sinking down in the seat right next to you, it came to your mind that you had never stayed that late in their house. Chanyeol had poured a drink for both of you and he handed you one of the glasses before pulling the auxiliary table with the food a bit closer to you and turning on the TV.

“Did you put alcohol in this?” You asked after eagerly chugging down almost half of the glass.

“Yeah, it goes well with the spicy noodles. I can’t take too much spiciness.”

“Well, I can’t take alcohol very well. And how am I going to drive back home?”

“I thought it’d help you to relax and unwind for a little while. Also, there’s plenty of rooms to sleep here, you can just stay if you want. Or I’ll call a taxi, it’s up to you.”

You nodded and shrugged, drinking some more. The liquid was quite sweet, so it really did help with the spicy food.

Half an hour later, you had finished eating and were both laughing goofily at some random TV program that showed home-made videos the viewers sent of people failing at different things. When one especially painful fall disappeared from the screen, you took the remote and turned the TV off.

“Hey, we were having fun!” Chanyeol complained.

“Yeah, but we have to go on practicing. Or else, I’ll send a video of you speaking English to that program, your call.”

He reluctantly pushed the table with the remains of our diner aside and looked at you expectantly.

“We’re going to try something different. You’re going to be reading out loud. Maybe if you can actually see the words’ endings you will pronounce them right.”

Chanyeol started reading with that deep voice you really enjoyed. He had a good rhythm and he actually started off quite well. But soon enough, he made his first mistake, so you pinched him in the arm.

“Hey! What was that for?”

He rubbed his forearm and looked at you in outrage. You just looked down significantly at the book, he followed your gaze, and immediately corrected his mistake.

“So you’re going for the physical punishment approach now?”

“Yup. I will not hurt you, but you’re going to learn. Do you have any more of this?” you asked, shaking your empty glass.

It’d turned out to be more fun than you had expected. He was still making mistakes, but you spent the time musing at the various ways you could startle him when he made his next mistake, from tickling his sides to pulling from a strand of his hair to shouting the word loudly. At some point, a thought crossed your mind and made you wonder whether you would be turning this into a game hadn’t you had a couple of drinks already, but you quickly brushed it off.

“Oh my god, Chanyeol, you can’t honestly tell me you’re going backwards now!” You took the book away from his hands, scaring him off.

“What? What is it now?”

“The word “food” ends with a d, not a t! How do you say food?”

“Foot?”

You covered your face with your hands and laid back on the sofa for a moment. When Chanyeol got a bit worried an tried to check on you, you sat up and approached him. Then you passed one of your legs over his lap and straddled him, ignoring the alarm on his eyes.

“Listen to me, Chanyeol,” you said, grabbing his face with both hands to make him stare right at your face. “Look at my mouth and concentrate on it, okay?”

You articulated the word slowly, making sure you exaggerated the necessary movements.

“I want you to repeat the word ad many times as you need it. You don’t have to snap your tongue against your palate, you have to put it between your top and bottom teeth and keep it there until the “d” is over, okay?” he nodded and swallowed hard. “Okay, say the word. And I want to see your tongue between your teeth very clearly.”

“F-foot.”

“FooD!”

“Footd?” You nodded enthusiastically. “FooDDD.”

“Yes, that’s it! Keep saying it.” You bounced up and down on his lap and clapped happily.

“Food, food, food. Food, food, food. Not foot. Food!” He repeated in a sing song voice and then smiled brightly at his own success. But he didn’t say it again and you got sad because you didn’t get to see his tongue anymore, even though he was smiling widely. “You’re such a good teacher.”

“Yeah…” you whispered, almost talking to yourself. Then, you closed the empty gap between your body and his and kissed him forcefully on the lips.

There was little question after that. When you pulled away from his mouth, he stared down at you, gaping slightly, but his hands were on your hips and they just pulled you closer.

The kisses just got hungrier and hungrier, and the more time you spent attached by the lips, the more daring your hands got. He stroked every inch of your body on display, from your ankles to the base of your neck, were he grabbed your head to turn it upwards and grant himself access to your neck. His lips and teeth marked their way along your neck and his tongue, which you had found so attractive when he couldn’t pronounce a single word, let a trail of moist from your jawline to your collarbones. Meanwhile, your hands had a mind of their own under his t-shirt, basking at the strong muscles on his back and the soft skin over them.

Chanyeol stood up with you still straddling him; your legs wrapped around his waist made you feel the hardness beneath the layers of clothes, and his hands grabbed onto your butt for dear life. He turned around and laid you on the sofa, just to settle himself between your knees afterward.

The atmosphere in the room was getting almost unbearably hot for you, so you decided to help him by sitting up and taking his shirt off his body. From that position, you started kissing his softly defined abs, nibbling slightly at the most protuberant bits. He sighed deeply and leaned over to take of your shirt, but then he stood back up to his kneeling position to grab your head delicately and guide you to the places he wanted to feel your mouth in.

You quickly undid his belt and pulled his jeans down, along with his briefs, and took a moment to squeeze his butt with both hands. As your mouth was still at his navel, you looked up at him and found him staring at you. He smiled shyly and caress your face with his thumb. You smiled in response and started licking your way down, using just the tip of your tongue against his heated up skin.

His breath came to a halt when you reached the critical point and used your hands to stroke his soft shaft slowly and cup his balls at the same time. You let your warm breath glide over the wet tip before giving it a soft tentative lick. His hands were still holding on to your neck and shoulders, shivering with anticipation, but not daring to ask or act upon what he really wanted. After you’d teased enough, you used your mouth to envelope as much of his cock as you were able to, creating suction with your cheeks and rubbing it with your tongue. Your head bobbed up and down a few times before releasing it to go down to lick at the balls, making sure every single inch of his body got its fair portion of love. Then, you came back to the main part, grazing the bottom part of his cock with the tip of your tongue until you got to the tip, where you looked up back again to find a panting Chanyeol that stared at you with his mouth wide open. You pouted your lips out to surround the tip and kiss it ever so slightly before once again, taking him whole in your mouth, which made him run his hands through his back hair in desperation and moan loudly.

“Oh, fuck…”

“Oh, so you can pronounce swear words in English right…!” You teased him with a smile.

He laughed and looked back down at you, before leaning in to kiss you at the same time he fidgeted with your bra to unclasp it. He then laid you back on the sofa, sat down and put your legs over his lap. He pulled down your trousers to take them off completely, but left your panties on. Your head was resting over a small pillow and you looked at him, feeling self-conscious for the first time in the night.

“What if someone sees us here?”

“They won’t, don’t you worry.”

“How are you so sure?”

He shrugged with a secretive grimace on his face, but he didn’t let you go out talking, as he shushed you and put his fingers over your mouth when you opened it again.

Then, he started trailing your body down, starting at your forehead, grazing over your eyelids softly, putting a finger inside your mouth for you to suck on it, then following the line of your jawline, down your neck, to your collarbones, until he got to your breasts. He used both his hands to play with them, grope them and pinch until your nipples were red and hard, but still wanting more. His fingers travelled down your stomach and over the sides of your hips. When he got to the inner part of your thighs, your skin was completely covered in goosebumps. He then stood up and finally got rid of his trousers and his underpants, and laid down over you; made sure to go over every part his hands had touched before with his lips and tongue. By the time he once again got to your thighs, I was shivering and panting for air. He came back up, levelling his body with yours and using an arm to prop himself up and look at your eyes. His right hand was again at your boobs; he smiled when he saw you bit down on your bottom lip as he pinched your nipples.

His hand came back down, this time, at last, it surpassed the hem of your panties and started rubbing at your core. Your moans filled the room as he inserted two of his long fingers inside you. You threw your head back with the eyes closed in pleasure, and that only made him smile even more. At the same time, his cock was grazing your left thigh, so you reached down to touch stroke him. It quickly became a competition to see who could stand the longer teasing without begging for mercy. His face was now resting at the gap between your neck and your shoulder. You could feel his heavy, not breathing burning your skin and his moans filled your ears with the most delicious and sexy sound you had heard in a long time. You were in fact close to your own release, as his skilled fingers hadn’t stopped working between your clit and your entrance and his lips would, each once in a while, stop their panting to kiss you or to suck at your neck, but you wouldn���t be the one to give up.

You hurried up the pace on his cock, and his head shoot back up, with his face contorted, trying to keep himself from getting off too fast. When you slowed down back again, he opened his eyes to find you grinning smugly up at him and that was what set him off. He pulled his hand out of your core to pump slightly in his cock as he sat up. He didn’t even bother in taking your panties off, he just pushed them to the side and entered you directly and without warning.

Both your moans could be heard again in the room, but none of you cared of keeping them down. You grasped at his strong shoulders as his fast pace threatened to pull you out of the sofa, clawing you nails at the skin and probably leaving a mark or two. He kissed you hastily and your sweat made both your bodies sticky.

As his thrusts became more erratic, you used one hand to stroke your clit in a way that, combined with his cock inside of you and his lips on yours, built up even more heat at your stomach and set off your orgasm. Your moans got louder and louder and Chanyeol had to cover your mouth with his hand at the time he pushed harder and harder each time, finally finding his own release in your body and turning his moans into deep grunts.

You laid on top of each other, gasping as you tried to gain back your breath and coming down for your own high, when something clicked in your mind.

“Did you plan all of this?” You asked, looking at him, who was resting his face on your boobs.

“I might have. Not all of it, though. I wasn’t expecting you to kiss me. I didn’t even know if you’d reject me and never want to talk to me again.”

“But were you faking your English problems?”

“Maybe faking is not the word. Maybe playing it up when I realized it could get me more time with you is more accurate…”

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