#and on this episode of: what musical is reese stage managing

[starstruckodysseys]

me: literally just chilling

my brain: WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS (that’s right when you’re an addams) YOU HAVE A VERY SPECIAL DUTY (late night out with the addams) WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS (just one bite) YOU’RE OBLIGATED TO THE CLAAAAAAN

[spierfics]

Hi, could you please do a fic where Simon is on a “Love Connection” style dating show, and he of corse ends up choosing Bram.

Out of the Blue - Spierfeld Fic

“Action!”

Simon heard a cheesy tune emerge from the speakers as the live studio audience cheered. It was only right that his rock-bottom montage would be filmed in front of a crowd of almost sixty people.

After a moment’s pause, the host Colin walked to the front of the stage, bowing slightly as the audience applauded him on his way to his marked spot.

“Welcome to another episode of Love is Blind. Our contestant today is a young man from Pennsylvania, please welcome…Simon Spier!”

Simon feels a slight nudge from a member of the crew, and he walks out to his designated spot. The stage lights are almost blinding, way more than anything he’s ever experienced during his performances but he manages to focus his eyes towards Colin.

“How are you doing, Simon?”

“I’m doing great,” Simon replied with manufactured enthusiasm. “How about you,”

“Can’t complain,” Colin joked. “So, tell us a bit about yourself,”

“Well, I was raised in Georgia, and I moved out to Pennsylvania for college,”

“Wonderful,” Colin smiled. “And I see that you’re on your path to graduate,”

Simon crossed his fingers, “In a couple of months,”

“So four years of school…and you still didn’t find that special someone,”

The audience laughed at that, and Simon tried not to take the comment personally.

“I guess that’s why I’m here,”

“Fair enough,” Colin replied. “Let’s get going then, and meet our contenders,”

Simon took a deep breath and tried to listen closely, ready to take in as many facts as possible.

“Bachelor number one is a freshman at NYU, a photographer who spends most of his time in Central Park and hunting out obscure cafes,”

The audience cheered, and Simon supposed that meant he was a good-looking guy.

“Bachelor number two is a fitness expert, who is looking for a workout and life partner,”

The chorus of wolf-whistles that followed set up a clear image of what #2 looked like.

“Bachelor number three is a recent graduate of Columbia University, an avid reader and a fairly decent soccer player,”

There was a mix of responses from the audience this time, and Simon found it a little more difficult to gauge their reaction.

“Now that we’ve met our contenders it’s time for the first round!” Colin directed.

As a narrative voice-over explained to the viewers the rules of the first round, Simon was directed to a new seat and a crew member came over to adjust the collar of his shirt and hands him the notecards he’d need for the following round.

“Our first elimination round is based on questions that Simon has pre-selected, and our contenders will have thirty seconds to answer. The decision of who stays rests solely in Simon’s hands,”

Bachelor number one,” Simon says a little shakily, “What animal do you feel represents your personality best?”

“Hmmm…” 1 replied, and Simon felt like it lasted forever before he continued. “I don’t know…I don’t actually like animals all that much. I guess, like an owl or something because I take my time looking at things,”

Simon didn’t know how to respond. He supposed it was a dumb question to begin with, but didn’t think it warranted that pointless of an answer. Or perhaps he was being too judgmental with this process, even though that was the point.

“Okay!” Colin interjected himself within the awkward silence. “Next question,”

“Bachelor number two,” Simon reads off of the second note-card. “Name three things you and your partner need to have in common,”

“Well this isn’t a requirement, but it would be great if he was a vegan,” 2 waited for the audience to cheer, but only received a few claps of encouragement.

“Uhm, I’m a morning person, who loves morning jogs…so that would be a definite need. And three, I’d like him to get along with my friends,”

Simon didn’t think he was asking for too much, so he thanked 2 and moved on to the third question.

“Bachelor number 3. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?”

“Oh, wow. That’s such a great question. I-I think I’d like the ability to heal people? And I mean that in a very general manner. There are obviously physical ailments, but I’d also consider prejudice as something that should be treated and possibly fixed. Does that make sense?”

Simon was floored. Not only was he the first contestant to say something nice about Simon’s question, but took the time to create a conversation back.

“Y-Yeah. Yes, I get it,”

“Oh, that’s good. I thought I was trailing off,”

Before Simon could say anything, Colin interrupted 3. “You were!”

The audience laughed, and Colin took the opportunity to keep the show going. “So Simon, which bachelor is getting the chop?”

Simon took a moment, “Bachelor number one,”

The elimination music began to play, as 1 stepped out from his booth. He was a young man, someone who looked like he was still in high-school. He stepped forward to shake hands with Simon and introduced himself as Trevor.

Simon made an apologetic face, and Trevor walked off stage as the music faded.

“Welcome back to Love is Blind. Our next round is a rapid-fire, in which our remaining contenders answer ten questions that Simon has already submitted answers to. The contestant with the most similar answers to Simon’s will win this round and head into the finale,”

Simon simply has to sit and react this round, so he feels at ease. His answers are displayed to the audience, and it would be up to the bachelors to choose one of two options. He supposed there was an algorithm or research-based reason for this round of questioning, and hoped that it would lead him to the right person.

“Question number one,” Colin asked. “Cake or donuts?”

Bachelor two’s board displayed ‘donuts all the way’ while number three’s said ‘cake’.

The answers varied as the questions went on and Simon lost track of who was racking up the most points. The final question, cleared up any doubt in his mind when bachelor number two wrote ‘Reese’s! Oreos are disgusting’.

“Well, ladies and gentlemen, it seems as though there was a clear winner in that round, but before we can reveal who it is, we give Simon a chance to weigh in. He gets to ask our bachelors one final question. They will take the stage individually so that they are given an equal playing field for this question,”

“Bachelor number two, you’ll go first,” Colin stated, as he got the cue that 2 was in position.

“Okay,” 2 answered Colin in response.

Simon waited to be prompted and then said: “My question is, how would you describe love?”

The audience gave a chorus of ‘oooohs’, knowing it wouldn’t be an easy question to answer. Simon had honestly panicked when he’d come up with the question, and now he felt bad for the bachelors. He didn’t know the answer himself. How could he, having never been in love himself.

2 seemed to be blanking initially, having wasted the initial moments of his allotted time. “Um, I’m not sure, you know. Love for me has always been a guy who considers me his other half. All of my previous boyfriends are those who have always found me really loving, so I guess it has to do with caring for each other…”

The audience gave a supportive cheer for him, and Simon felt satisfied with the answer. Once again, he felt guilty for having come up with such a difficult question in the first place.

“Bachelor number three, the stage is yours…”

“Hi Simon,” 3 said from his booth, and Simon didn’t know why the hell he was blushing. He hadn’t even seen this mystery man yet. He hadn’t even answered Simon’s question.

“Hi…” Simon answered shakily, “The question is…how would you describe love?”

“Oh, that’s a little difficult considering I’ve never been in love before,”

Simon felt like shouting out ‘me neither’ in encouragement, but knew he was meant to stay quiet.

“Love…is knowing someone? It’s the time spent dedicated to that one person who you want to know more than anything else in the world. It’s finding ways to make them feel happy, or safe, or admired. And that’s weird to say, keeping in mind that we’re trying to know each other in such a short time, but it speaks to the fact that I’d like nothing more than to know you better,”

The audience was astounded for a minute, as was Simon, before the burst into loud, impassioned applause.

“And the winner…of this week’s episode of Love is Blind…is…bachelor number three!” Colin exclaimed as the audience cheered. Simon couldn’t help but match their excitement, his nerves beginning to overtake his body as he began trembling.

“Please welcome our winner, bachelor number three…Bram Greenfeld!”

Simon forgot what it was like to breathe for a second because he couldn’t believe his luck. Bram Greenfeld…was fucking beautiful. If his words weren’t enough to make Simon become completely enamoured with him, Simon was sure he wouldn’t have been able to take his eyes off of someone like this man.

And then he smiled, and Simon’s knees nearly gave out. These dating show algorithms were definitely doing something right.

[wilhelminasrose-blog]

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