#and participate in exams where people are more or less expected to die

[hedgehogcryptid]

More Naruto rants

So, I’ve (stupidly, just now) realized that the reason I’m so fixated on Zabuza’s arc is because I got to see it like three times on TV before my country had enough spanish dub chapters to get on with the rest of the plot. So I got atached, is the one that gets me more nostalgic, and it’s the one I remember best. I also got time to properly process it before the more cult-ish bullshit started. And I thought the rest of the series would go a bit like that arc with, you know, ninja mercenaries who work for money in a world that sees them as tools but where they have their own ambitions and reasons and goals of a more or less normal human scale. The part where Gato arrives and the antagonism between Zabuza and Kakashi instantly ends when money is no longer on the table shaped a lot of my expectations for the future of the series (that I couldn’t articulate back when I was twelve, so I’m doing it now).

For starters, Gato is a fucking civilian. A rich fuck who does business and buys killers-for-hire. That’s how the system suposedly works. Where do the civilians go after the chunin exams? Where do the jobs go? Where does the money come from without them? I expected to see Naruto, with his newly decided path, clash with the system he lives in. I expected his elders (with the exception of Iruka and Kakashi) to try and coax him into the “right” path. Something along the lines of “I understand your feelings but that’s what must be done to keep the village running”. And Naruto finding ways to circunvent his orders, to find the loopholes that let him get away with it. Even if it’s just “I got the important thing done, what do you care if I didn’t kill those people?“. I didnt want to see him spare a genocidal megalomaniac but a fellow ninja who’s doing his own side of the job. Wouldn’t “If you kill my friends I’ll kill you, but if you’re done trying not only will I leave you go but I’ll defend you against my partners” be a lot more interesting and give nice posibilities for the future? Would the spared person take advantage of his kindness and fuck him over? Would they apreciate the gesture and start thinking that things can change? Would they “pay it forward” and spare someone that didn’t necesarily need to be killed? And if they did fuck him over despite his kindness, how would naruto justify his actions to his superiors? Would he be conflicted about his choices or would he be steadfast in his beliefs regardless of other people’s actions?

But with the way canon progresses after that first set up Naruto is not changing the system, he’s getting privileges. He can do what he wants because people in power like him. Veteran shinobi would have reason to hate him (”this upstart rookie gets to decide to go chasing an enemy of the state to save him while I have to bust my ass in bloody trenches to make ends meet?”)

I know the talk-no-jutsu is a joke but it’s somewhat accurate. He’s all talk. He never risked getting consecuences for his chosen path, mostly because Kishimoto made a good job making us forget we were watching mercenaries. If the world building wasn’t all kinds of wonky then at some point Naruto’s choices would’ve put him at odds with the people in power, and I don’t just mean the obviously corrupt ones. But Naruto wormed his way into their hearts for some reason and because of that they made exceptions for him, but no one is shown making significant changes to the context they live in. And about that context: they start by saying “shinobi are tools“, and sure, that’s true. But in the first arc they are tools for the people in power, who are not the five kages. The people in power are the people with money and the people who rule the countries. The Kages are just the top brass of the military, who get paid by the people in power. But later, shinobi start being tools for other shinobi with more grandiose ideas and the civilians pretty much disapear unless it’s to fill the background in cities. Their power structures lose all significance and relevance.

And because Naruto is never faced with the posibility of actual, structural, systemic concecuences to his own person then his choices lose a lot of weight. He spares the genocidal megalomaniac, the dude resurrects everyone and then dies. Everything works in the end. And no one gets on Naruto’s case about how you can’t expect all your enemies to die for you. In a military world that doesn’t make much sense, no matter how well everything worked out. The situation would be a lot more interesting if Nagato hadn’t died, and instead left to keep taking care of his war-ravaged homeland. If the super strong enemy we didn’t even defeated walks away, can we really trust he won’t have another change of heart? He seems plenty fickle, after all (he resurrected on a whim all the people he sprent the last couple hours killing. That sounds fucked up). And Naruto would have to defend him, because no way in hell will I believe that everyone in konoha would decide to let a threat of that level be. Not with the word of a sixteen year old pseudo-rebel as the only guarantee.

I wanted to see Naruto garnering support from his peers. Some would be easier than others. Hinata was on his corner from the get go. With the right conversation he’d get Neji too. Rock Lee is a ball of sunshine who’s been belittled more or less constantly, he’d be all up for it too. Sakura comes from a civilian background (if I’m not mistaken) so she is somewhat shocked at the way the world works. She didn’t get it drilled into her the same way others did. It wouldn’t be easy for her, and with some help and prompting she’d be okay with changing it.

And Sasuke. You wouldn’t even need to change his storyline too much, just get rid of the part where Kaguya had a hand in the destiny of the world, in planting misleading information. Get rid of the suposed reincarnation cycle that takes away the importance of personal choices. Basically, get rid of all the alien subplot. You’re still left with a boy who’s been wronged in all posible ways by his countrymen and government. You don’t need Kaguya’s bullshit scheme to make the shit in Konoha look horrible. They do that on their own.

You’d get Naruto finding out about Danzo (who’s covered in stolen eyes from fellow villagers, WTF) and Root, about the Uchiha masacre. He’d get angry on Sasuke’s behalf, and Sai’s, and Zabuza’s even (killing your friends as a test? Naruto knows that doesn’t lead anywhere good). And wheter Sasuke had left the village or not they would be both in the same side for this. If Naruto had been convincing people of the inherent corruption of the system then that would become an all out rebellion and upheaval of the government (instead of the assassination of one dubious character).

That would tie in with the renegade thing (are they “missing-nin” in english?). How many of them are labelled criminals for doing terrible things and how many are because of disagreements with their governments? How many are turned into scape-goats and then exiled? How many people who do terrible things keep living as respected members of their communities just because their interests align with the interests of those in power?

......and I’ve run out of steam but, long story short, I’ve always felt cheated at the what if’s

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

AUTHOR REVEAL of the JATP: ROUND 1: ANGST FICS!

The Tropes:

1. Character discovers they’re not human

2. Coffee Shop AU

3. Poorly Timed Confession

4. Character A catches Character B crying

————

the sky was gray and white and (cloudy) (Rated T) [Alex x Willie] by @screamin-amuseum

Summary: “I’ve got you,” Willie’s whispering over and over, panic creeping into his voice. “Alex, I’ve got you, okay? Come on, baby, come on, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re gonna be okay, I love you–”

Alex spits out what feels like a clot of blood and gives Willie a tired grin, probably looking completely insane.

“That’s pretty gay of you,” he says, just as his vision clouds over and he passes out.

Honey, You’re Familiar (Like My Mirror Years Ago) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by nik_knows_nothing

Summary: Luke works at a coffee shop, which is normal, quietly pines after his coworker, which is normal, and also occasionally steals people’s faces without really meaning to.

It’s probably that last part that moves him pretty solidly out of the “normal” territory.

But that’s fine, that’s totally cool.

He’s handling it super well.

You Can’t Value People Less Than a Good, Hot Cup of Bean Juice (It Just Seems Rude) (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by nik_knows_nothing

Summary: Julie gets a job at a coffee stand in the middle of nowhere.

It’ll help to pass the time, if nothing else.

And if there’s a cute guy who works the shift after her and sometimes leaves her ridiculously endearing messages on an ancient tape recorder?

Well, that’s just a bonus.

honest to god I’ll break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart (Rated T) [Julie x Luke] by @tonightthestarsalign

Summary: Julie wakes up with a start. Her hair is stuck to her face with sweat and there is a loud crashing noise. The sheets beneath her feel rough against her skin. She shivers, when a breeze meets her naked skin. She must have left the window open when she went to bed last night. She opens her eyes. The room is dark around her, but the glow in the dark stars, she stuck on her ceiling when she was a kid, are shimmering brighter than ever before.

or: the siren!Julie AU no one asked for

new instincts (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie] by @comeonpeters

Summary: Reggie is fine with being the only human member of his band, Julie and the Phantoms (tell your friends!), just like he’s fine with being the only single member. It doesn’t make him feel lonely, and he’s only picking up more shifts at the coffee shop because he needs more money, not because he’s avoiding being alone. And picking up more shifts at the coffee shop is making the work easier! He’s only a little confused by the fact that he can now touch the espresso machine mid shift without burning himself… must be all of the experience.

you look like you’ve just seen a monster (is that what i look like to you?) (Rated T) [Bobby x Alex x Luke x Reggie] by @aroacethetic-shitpost

Summary: When Bobby woke up that Friday morning, he wasn’t expecting to have horns. Who would? There was absolutely no reason to expect horns to just start growing out of his temples, but there they were anyway.

He stared in silent shock at the little nubs in the mirror. They were only an inch or two big, but pointy and a little fuzzy when he poked at them.

Well, at least they weren’t fully grown yet.

(or: it’s angsty tiefling bobby time, folks!)

We Are Monsters, We Are Proud (Rated G) [Flynn x Carrie, Julie x Luke] by @americanhoney913

Summary: The clock is striking thirteen

It’s time to scream your team

We don’t have to say goodbye

‘Cause friends like these will never die

Carrie finds herself at a college like no other in search of her dad and some answers.

Julie’s not feeling good and maybe staring at roses wasn’t the best idea.

Monster College/Coffeeshop AU

sending forth their beautiful voice, and my heart was fain to listen (Rated G) [Julie x Carrie] by @savannahleemay

Summary: Months after the death of her mom, Julie prepares to sing again and makes an upsetting discovery.

rise from the ashes (Rated M) [Alex x Willie] by @willexxmercer

Summary: At a time when everything was going wrong for Alex, the one bright spot in his life was the charming barista at the coffee shop he frequented. At least, it was the bright spot until everything went up in flames. All he could do was hope that they could rise from the ashes and figure things out together.

Siren’s Song (Rated T) [Ray x Rose] by hufflebibin

Summary: The Scopuli was never meant to be a permanent arrangement. Rose had taken the job straight out of school just looking to make a little extra money before the tour kicked off.

That was four years ago.

After a string of bad luck befalls Rose and the Petal Pushers, she can’t help but wonder if she is the problem. Or is there something more sinister at play?

Yellow (Rated T) [Julie & Reggie] by @tmp-jatp

Summary: Reggie picked up his apron and polo. Julie returned, this time hiding behind Alex. He held a pair of metal pastry tongs out in front of him like a weapon. One of his arms was extended protectively in front of Julie.

“Alex, Julie, what are you doing?” Reggie cleared his throat; his voice was deep and gruff, like he was developing a cold.

Julie and Alex startled. Julie glanced down at her nametag. Alex readjusted his footing and his grip on the tongs.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Alex took a deep breath. “I don’t know who you are, dude, but you have got to leave.”

–

Reggie just wanted to get some new guitar strings. A shapeshifter!Reggie au

Angels Like You (Rated T) [Luke x Reggie] by @sunsetcurveofficial

Summary: Reggie is having a bit of a weird day. It gets worse when he figures out that it’s because he died in his sleep and has somehow been walking around as a ghost without realising it. Meeting Luke helps. Luke says he’s a fellow ghost, and there is something about him that Reggie just feels drawn to. Falling for him is the easiest thing Reggie has ever done, but Luke is a little more than he lets on, and it turns out that their story actually started long before Reggie thought it did.

look into my eyes (it’s where my demons hide) (Rated T) [Flynn x Carrie] by @fanfics-she-wrote

Summary: Hiding out from demons was never a desirable nightmare. Of course, Carrie would much prefer a run-for-my-life nightmare than actually running for her life. Having Flynn around is a very welcome soothing balm, though.

Bring All The Monsters Out To Play, Let All The Red Erase The Grey (Rated T) [Bobby & Reggie] by @kennysbirthday

Summary: Mythologicals, Reggie realised, were kind of like queer people. Sometimes your Token Human friend turns around one day and admits that actually, there was something they were suppressing all along, and they hadn’t realised.

–

Reggie’s final exam has been pushed forward at the most inconvenient time. Bobby is sick, Alex is missing, and now he needs to help a selkie get their ‘Happily-Ever-After’ in order to scrape a passing grade. Oh, and if his boss catches him handing out more free coffee, he’s gonna get fired.

————

All the Winners can be found here.

We hope you enjoy these fics from our fabulous Fantoms! Make sure to leave kudos and comments to show them some love! And don’t forget, if you missed the initial writing deadline you can still submit your fics to our Non-Anon Collection at any time! Thank you all so much for participating this round! Now that winners and authors have been revealed feel free to post about your fics, create artwork for it, if you like, and don’t forget to tag us!

We hope you all will join us for Round 2! The prompt drops at Midnight tonight!

[thedefinitionofbts]

Upon Your Existence (1)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (ft. the rest of BTS)

Genre: Science Fantasy, Fluff, Angst

Words: 3.8K

Description: ...and so they just meet each other in these stories written inside these worlds built in their minds. Of course some will be sad, and others happy, but that’s just the way the universe is...chaotic, imperfect, but magnificently beautiful.   

A loud crackle of thunder rumbles in the sky just as you push open the glass door of the café. The bell above chimes to signal your entrance, and you are immediately greeted with the sweet scent of roasted coffee beans, filling your nostrils and saturating your entire body with a familiar warmth. Glancing around the moderately empty shop, your eyes find purchase on a young man ordering at the counter. He turns around the moment you lift the hood that had shielded your hair from the rain only seconds ago. He’s wearing an army green jacket and black ripped jeans, dark brown bangs covering most of his forehead. You estimate he’s around nineteen years old, so not too much younger than yourself.

His eyes catch yours as he blinks, lips curving slightly upward before relaxing back into their resting position. You walk up to order, not paying attention to him still standing there in a fascinated trance, that is, until you hear him clear his throat. Turning, you notice he’s still staring at you as if waiting for a sign of recognition or acknowledgment.

“Do I know you?” The question escapes from your lips before you can contemplate how rude you must sound.

“Is that what you ask every guy you meet?” He looks down with an amused grin before looking back up at you.

You huff a laugh at his attempt at a joke. It wasn’t half bad. “I’m just passing through. I don’t want to be mistaken for someone I’m not.”

He nods. “I see. So how are you liking the city so far?”

“I’ve been here for less than 24 hours, and I’m already soaking wet.”

“Well, it is nicknamed the city of rain for a reason.” He grabs the drink he had ordered. “How long are you staying?”

“Just today” You respond, glancing at the barista to see if your own drink was ready.

“Got any plans?”

You shake your head, not really expecting to do much in a foreign city for such a short amount of time. Especially not when the weather was being so difficult, not that you had expected to receive sunny gifts in a city known to harbor rain nine months out of the year. 

“Want to go for a walk?”

It’s a impulsive question oddly placed in a situation that was strange to begin with, and yet you aren’t surprised is came from him. 

“It’s raining.” You remind, as if it wasn’t already obvious.

“I’ve got an umbrella.”

“I don’t even know you.”

At that he laughs, eyes crinkling at the edges. “Think about it. All of these people in a big city like this and you just happen to meet me.” He peeks at you mysteriously. “Come on, what else are you going to do?”

“Ok, fine. But after I dry off.”

You grab a seat by the window facing the street. Sheets of rain were still blurring the gray buildings, but you liked watching the elongated pellets forming patterns in the air, the people navigating the streets, the cars driving by. It was relaxing, just permitting your eyes to follow the motion of world around you as a simple bystander with no obligation to participate. 

The two of you sit in the coffee shop just long enough to finish your beverages, or more like just long enough for him to finish his beverage. You swear he was gulping down his drink so quickly he almost choked, and you find his childlike impatience quite entertaining. 

“Let’s go!” He says, jumping up and grabbing his long black umbrella. “er, I mean, if you’re ready...” He sits back down after realizing you weren’t finished, scratching the back of his head apologetically.

“Looks like someone’s excited” You comment while tidying up your stuff and getting ready to go, leaving your half filled cup on the table.  

He smiles shyly, front teeth resembling that of a bunny rabbit’s and making him look much younger than the nineteen you had presumed.

Walking outside, you find that the rain had reduced to a drizzle. The boy makes it a point to hold the umbrella high enough to not hit your head, not that it would’ve anyways because he was a good five or six inches taller than you, and to keep you as dry as possible. His body is so close to yours, you have to remember to breathe, and each time you do, you get a whiff of his cologne, a hint of something floral with notes of citrus. 

“Do you prefer the city or the countryside?” He suddenly inquires.

“Hmm, it depends on my mood.” You glance up at him; his face so close you can see the tiny scar on his left cheek and the way his bottom lip protruded just enough to give him a perpetual pout. You decide it’s cute and had he made eye contact then, your cheeks would be flushing from embarrassment. Luckily his attention is focused on the path ahead.

“I grew up in a rural town and always admired big cities, especially the towering buildings.” His features relax as he gets swept up in nostalgia.

You let your fixation switch to the structures around you. “Yeah, they’re engineering marvels, and they look gorgeous at night.”

“You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”

“No” You furrow your brows, wondering why he would even ask.

“Good.” He sticks his hand out to check that it’s stopped raining before finally tucking away the umbrella. “We should ride the Ferris wheel by the pier. The view is to die for.”

And he wasn’t lying.

The two of you make it said tourist attraction probably around midday, though it’s hard to know for sure without the sun giving confirmation. But with the sky still looming around a light shade of gray, you figure it’s still early. There was barely a line, and you must thank the prior thunderstorm for how calm and uncrowded the surrounding area was.   

Sitting in the glass compartment and being elevated higher and higher, you gape in awe as you watch your perception of the city change with every passing minute, the figures below shrinking in size and the higher floors of the skyscrapers slowly becoming parallel to your line of sight. You can even spot the rooftops of some of the shorter residential ones and the balcony’s of condos filled with various potted plants. 

You turn back to the boy now seated in front of you, observing your reaction to his impromptu suggestion and seemingly pleased with your enjoyment of it all as he was more fixated on you than the breathtaking view itself. 

“Let me guess, you’ve been on here a million times.”  

“Pretty much.” He nods with an added sigh, finally shifting his regard to the view and allowing you to examine his appearance without obstruction.

You hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it this morning at the coffee shop, but now that you were examining his features more copiously, there’s no denying that he was extremely attractive, the kind that would make you do a double take if you passed him on the street or be rendered mesmerized like you were now.

You have to remind yourself to not look at his face too often, embarrassed each time he catches you staring for unnaturally long periods of time and watching him laugh to himself quietly each time he does.

There’s no sun, and it’s a gloomy day. But you can’t remember the last time you’ve enjoyed yourself like this, indulging in having no plans, being in no rush, doing virtually nothing for an entire day, and yet feeling so relaxed. You wonder if it’s the thrill of just letting rationality go and agreeing to do things you normally wouldn’t, or if it was perhaps mainly due to the company of the boy sitting across from you right in this very moment.

“Are you still in school?” You break the silence.

“Yup” He lifts his hand to point at a place in the distance. “That’s my university campus right over there.”

You were right about him being nineteen.

“Don’t you have homework to do? Exams to study for? Essays to write?” You weren’t trying to call him out, but you were curious as to why he had so much time to do the aforementioned “virtually nothing”.

“Oh don’t remind me,” He groans dramatically. “It’s the weekend. I’m taking a break.”

You giggle at his adolescent reaction. “Sorry, just curious.”

“Are you not in school?” He inquires back.  

“I just graduated. That’s why I’m traveling.” You answer.

He nods, not questioning any further, and you figure he’s disinterested in your personal matters.

“Didn’t you say you liked viewing the city at night?”

“Sure do” You confirm with a nod.

“Then I know exactly where we should go tonight.” He shoots you an excited look.

��Of course you do.” You roll your eyes playfully, but anyone could tell you were more than willing to see just where he would take you next.

Next, as in, after grabbing dinner at a fast food joint near the riverbank. It hadn’t occurred to you that you hadn’t eaten all day until the boy orders enough food to feed five people, scarfing down two burgers and a hot dog in less time than it takes for you to eat half your sandwich and inhaling two portions of fries while he’s at it. His eyes are wide as he takes huge, delicious bites, commenting on how tasty everything is as he chews happily. You decide it's overly endearing, how well he eats and how it makes you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside as you watch him.  

“You younglings and your fast metabolism.” You shake your head as you smile.

“You’re not even that much older than me.” He half whines with his mouth full, cheeks stuffed like that of a chipmunk’s. “And besides, we didn’t have lunch.”

Giggling, you pick up a napkin to wipe a spot of ketchup that slid to his chin.

By the time you finish the food, it’s already almost dark outside. Because of the clouds covering the sun, you can’t tell if daylight hours have been cut short or if the hidden sun was the reason it felt later than it actually was.

Walking along the road leading to the outskirts of the city, you notice he’s taking you to the bridge arching over the river. The streetlight are slowing turning on, and you stroll next to him in silence, relishing in the magical serenity of the twilight hours. The clouds are thinning out, and you can see the sky slowly being painted in warm hues from the sunset that is now filtering through from someplace faraway.  

He stops in the middle of the bridge, the part where the view of the city is directly ahead.

“Now we wait.” He declares, leaning against the railing and resting his chin on his hands.

You close your eyes and mimic his motion. “How much time?”

“Not long.” His voice is soft and dream-like, and you almost sense something very familiar in it, but it’s only a passing thought that you instantly lose to the wind.

Inhaling the soft breeze that dances by, you open your eyes to view the city lights that always dust urban landscapes in iridescent little speckles. The monolithic structures lining the panorama are luminous against the night sky, acting as the sole source of light in the darkness and replacing the stars. You can hear the occasional car that drives by behind you, its wheels splashing water on the wet pavement and its engine humming loudly before drifting off into the distance.

Turning to the person next to you, you can see the flecks of light reflected in his eyes as he gazes at the same piece of scenery. They shimmer just as brightly, if not even more so than the artificial source they mirror. You watch as he blinks ever so slowly, features relaxed. You wish to ask him what he’s thinking about or to know that his mind is just as blank as yours.

The air after the rain is so fresh, you want to only inhale its fragrant aroma without exhaling, but that’s just not possible.

“One day, I’m going to buy an apartment in one of those high rises.”

Your eyes trail after his finger pointing at one of the arbitrary skyscrapers lining the cityscape.

“Is that your dream in life?”

“One of many.” His lips stretch into a lazy smile as he exhales, eyes becoming slits as they crinkle at the edges.

“And how do you plan on affording a place downtown?” You smirk playfully, a gesture that is reflected in your tone. “You do realize that’s going to cost a fortune, don’t you?”

He laughs lightheartedly. “What? You don’t think I’ll be a millionaire when I’m older?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t know, considering I just met you today.” You lean further towards the railing of the bridge the two of you were standing on, only able to recollect the serendipitous, if it can even be labeled as such, moment you made eye contact with him in the coffee shop just as it began pouring outside. You still have yet to learn his name, and he was being a little brat not telling you just to leave you wondering.

Looking down at the murky water of the wide river below, you feel a rush of adrenaline run down your spine. You wonder if it’s natural to have this strange urge to jump. Even though you know you won’t, just the mere thought of it is enough to knock the air out of your lungs.  

In the midst of your absurd thoughts, you take a step back waiting for warm blood to refill your extremities realizing he hasn’t responded. To your surprise, his gaze has dropped and you’re compelled to apologize, thinking you might’ve taken the joke a little too far. But he smiles again, only this time there’s something about it that you can’t quite pinpoint.

“Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.” He looks up to meet your eyes, and that indecipherable expression is gone.

“Are you implying this is going to be the start of a long-term friendship?” You cock a brow, finding it silly that he would be so certain of something that’s so out of his own control, especially when he knows just as much about you as you know him, which is literally the mathematical equivalent of nothing.

“Umm, something like that.” He shrugs indifferently, distracted by the glowing city once again.

“I’m not good with long distance.” You confess.

He sighs. “Then let’s make this night count.”

You cock a brow. “It's way past my bedtime.”

“It’s your last night here, come on, live a little.” He urges. “Stay with me until morning.”

His comment forces you to address the fact of the matter. You were leaving tomorrow, and you know you will probably never see this boy again. The thought makes your chest constrict more than it probably should. You’ve always known that you were the type to reminisce the past, getting lost in those nostalgic feelings that come and go, and longing for a time that is not the present. You were sensitive to change, to memories that disappear too soon, and saying goodbye.

Will you even remember him?

“So…are we just going to sit here and wait for the sun to rise?” You peek at him, waiting for a response that feels like it’s suspended in the crisp midnight air. It lingers there like feathery particles too buoyant to condense, a hand unwilling to let go. You know that the sunrise entails some sort of end to this escapade, yet you request to obtain confirmation in hopes that you’ll receive a different answer.

And somehow you do.

He turns to you a moment later, eyelids droopy, pupils glistening from the moonlight cascading from the now clear sky.

“We can wait…or we can make this moment last forever.”

His words make up for all the times you’ve ever been disappointed in life, all those times the universe had denied you of what you’ve wished for with all your heart. It’s such a simple response, maybe even a little cheesy, but it’s exactly what you wanted to hear even though you didn’t know until he voiced it.

You swallow. “How will we do that?”

You don’t need to look to sense his smile under the shadows that hide his features. Does he also feel as much as you do now?

“Let’s go on an adventure.”

Going on adventures with a stranger you just met never sounds like the greatest of ideas, but you’ve long passed making the logical choice so you follow him across the river and into the trail that leads up the mountain. According to him, it’s a place the cityfolk like to go hiking in the early mornings, reaching the top just before sunrise, and of course, the view is to die for. The two of you just happen to be starting really, really early, or late depending on how you choose to look at it.

The trail is not easy to navigate, not when the path is completely foreign and not exactly smooth either. Densely packed arbors of the surrounding trees are blocking the sole sources of light, and visibility is at it’s weakest. And it is in the dead of night when darkness is veiling his physical appearance and obscuring your judgment that you begin to wonder if it mattered why you aren’t questioning any of this, why you aren’t placing importance on the unknown, because in that moment, the one thing you do know is the only thing that matters.  

“Jungkook” You suddenly breathe out, the exhale forming a cloudy puff of vapor in the cold air. “Your name… it’s Jungkook, isn’t it?”

You hear him chortle lightly. “What? You thought I lied to you earlier?”

You shake your head as confusion ensues. Did he tell you earlier? You must be losing your mind. “No, no..I-I just wanted to make sure it was still…. you.” You take a few deep breaths, unsure of your own state of mind. “It’s too dark to see you…” Your voice is not as steady as you had hoped, giving away how uncertain and anxious you were.  

“Should I start singing then?”

“Huh?”

“That way you can hear me, just in case.”

...

...

                                                                   “What’s it like?”

“Hmm?” You turn to source of the question, eyes meeting the speaker’s as your senses re-adjust to the increasing tangibility of reality.  

“Knowing that he’s not real?” The young man clarifies, turning away from the computer screen to face you.

You sit up from the metal surface slowly as to ease your muscles back into motion, re-entering the palpable state of being pulled by the earth’s gravitational field. The numbness dissipates rather smoothing, but no matter how many times you’ve experienced the strange sensation, you’ve never truly gotten used to feeling your physical surroundings solidifying the way it does upon returning from a trip to the subconscious realm.

You smile wearily, looking down at your hands and allowing your vision to adjust. “It’s like reading a book or watching a movie, but you can pretend like you’re the main character and entirely convince yourself it’s all real.”

He nods, smiling at the ground as a pair of dimples appears on his cheeks. “Sounds amazing.”

“It is.” You exhale, trying to ignore the voice telling you otherwise. “You should try it sometime.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I feel like if I grew attached to someone who didn’t exist, I’d be depressed.”

Kim Namjoon is one of your brightest students. He’s been a favorite of yours not only because of his intelligence, but also his emotional inclination- the way he took that which is unique to human sentiments into consideration when experimenting with Subconscious Integration. You’ve always been fond of the way he approached the research of cybernetic worlds linked to the neural circuitry of the brain, how cautious he was compared to other students who would dive right in without a single thought of the implications. Ever since he walked into your lab with a pair of square rimmed glasses and an excited smile that could even put those of toddlers to shame, you knew he was a keeper.

“Not everyone constructs a person they’ve never met in reality.” You chuckle to yourself, hoping your young student understands where you’re coming from so that he doesn’t foster an aversion to the very technology he is assisting you in developing.

Subconscious Integration is indeed different for everyone. It’s an emergent technology currently in the making. One that you have dedicated your career researching, giving lectures, as well as conducting experiments on for the past twenty years in hopes that one day it’ll be put on the market, available for everyone to use as a pastime that’s no different from watching movies or playing video games. It’s a technique that will essentially allow users to enter dream-like scenarios where they are characters in whatever story they choose, integrating the subconscious mind’s ability to construct partial realities with the artificial guidance of a computational system and thereby enhancing the state of dreaming.

“I’m just a lonely old woman who has an imagination too active for her own good. But of course, only do it if you’re ready and really want to.” You add, making it clear that you just happen to be a special case where your mind has created someone who does in fact not exist and grown attached to him, so much so that he turns up in every dream trip you enter.

“Do you think it might have to do with your memory loss?” He queries as he logs your session out of the system.

“The worlds I’m able to construct?” You purse your lips, pausing to think. It’s not that you haven’t considered the possibility that everything you’ve seen on your trips could be partially linked to past experiences rather than completely built from scratch in your mind, but it’s almost outlandish to believe your life was ever that colorful. Besides, your amnesia was very, very mild. In fact, it’s been so insignificant that it hasn’t affected your life in the slightest. “I can’t see how it would, and I’m pretty sure I would at least retain some memory of someone that important to me, don’t you think so?”

“That’s very true.” Namjoon grins, turning back to you as the computer shuts down. “Especially since he’s the male lead of every movie you’ve starred in.”

You laugh at the way he words his statement. “You’re really catching on, aren’t you?”

His smile widens.

“Oh, don’t forget to read over the syllabus and spell check everything. I don’t want the new class to think I’m one of those careless instructors who’s more concerned about their research than actually teaching even if it is true.” You flash him a remindful look.

“Haha, will do, Professor Y/L/N, will do.” He bows respectfully before exiting the lab.

...

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: What Comes After (11/?)

Summary: Dead Like Me AU. After Belle French loses her life in an accident, she finds out that she has been recruited to join the ranks of the Grim Reapers, helping souls pass on. It’s a huge upheaval to deal with, but her fellow reapers are there to help her out, especially head reaper Gold.

Who says you can’t find love after life?

Rated: T

[One] [Two] [Three] [Four] [Five] [Six] [Seven] [Eight] [Nine] [Ten] [AO3]

====

Eleven

Belle was surprised when the buzzer for her apartment went off. Dorothy was out for the evening, seeing her mystery lady again, and she wasn’t expecting any visitors. As per Ella’s advice, she was vegging out in front of The Bachelorette with a pint of strawberry ice cream, and whilst she wasn’t feeling sorry for herself per se, she was definitely feeling in need of pyjamas, ice cream and television that didn’t require a lot of intellectual brainpower.

The summons came again, and she went over to the intercom.

“Hello?”

“Hello Belle. It’s Alistair. I’m really sorry about what happened earlier. Can we talk, please?”

Belle paused with her finger hovering over the button to let him into the apartment, wondering if Ella had put him up to this or whether he had come around of his own accord. Either way, he was here, and he wanted to talk about it, and that was definitely a step in the right direction.

She buzzed him in and went to open the door, and a couple of minutes later she saw him round the corner from the stairwell. He was looking tired, but he smiled when he saw her standing in the doorway.

“Hi,” he said. “Is Dorothy in?”

“No, she’s got a date tonight, so she probably won’t be back till late. We can talk freely.”

Belle stood back to let him in and went to make some tea. She was still annoyed at him, but she was no longer in the same incoherent state of misery and anger that she had been in before.

“I wanted to apologise for the way I handled things earlier,” Gold began once they were sitting on the sofa with their tea – Belle had shoved the ice cream back in the freezer and turned the TV channel over to a more high-brow documentary about polar bears in an effort not to look like she’d been wallowing in self-pity. “I was an insensitive arsehole about the whole thing, and I’m sorry.”

Belle smiled. “Apology accepted. I can understand why you reacted the way you did, but you have to understand why I reacted the way I did as well. It’s still so new for me and so raw, and there are certain aspects of this reaping lifestyle that I still can’t get to grips with.”

“I know, and I should have taken that into account. We can’t save people from their appointments, Belle, however much we might want to. Believe me, there have been several instances where I’ve wanted to intervene, but we can’t. It just makes things even worse.”

“I know. I understand that now, but it would probably have been better to know that upfront so that I wasn’t tempted.”

“I’ll bear that in mind for the next time we get a new reaper and put it in the training manual,” Gold said. Belle had to laugh at that.

“You really, really do need a training manual,” she said. “I can just imagine you going around with a new reaper, carrying this huge lever-arch file full of all the rules and regulations and general advice. There could be a little exam at the end of it, like a reaper driving test.”

Gold gave a snort of laughter. “I’m really not quite sure where we’d be if we had reaping tests,” he said. “Every single one of us would fail for some reason or another. At any rate, I hope that we can put this behind us? It won’t happen again, I can assure you.”

Belle nodded. “Yes, I think that we can move on from this. It’s not the kind of thing that would happen more than once anyway. Maybe we both just need to think before we act a little more.”

“Or think before we speak,” Gold said. “For fear of opening mouth and inserting feet instead.”

Belle giggled. It meant a lot to her that Gold had come to apologise so quickly and that he recognised why she had been so upset in the first place.

“I’m sorry that I nearly screwed it up,” she said.

“You didn’t know,” Gold said. “It wasn’t something that I thought was going to be a problem, so it’s down to a lack of foresight on my part. We’ll say no more about it. The reap was successful in the end and the soul has moved on; that’s what’s important when it all comes down to it.”

Gold’s hand was resting on the table between them, as if he wanted to take hers but wasn’t sure if he would be welcome. Belle made the decision for him, grasping his fingers tightly in hers before going in for a kiss. It might be a bit soon for their first fight, and perhaps a bit soon for their first session of kissing and making up, but Belle didn’t care. Nothing about this relationship was the slightest bit conventional since the two participants were dead for starters, so she might as well make the most of it.

Gold smiled as she broke away.

“Would you like to go out somewhere?” he asked. “Just for a walk to clear the air and clear our heads. Ella has an evening double reap today, we could go and meet her afterwards.”

“That sounds good. We can let her know that all’s well in the world again. Thank you for calling her earlier. I was in such a state, I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t come after me.”

“You’re welcome. I knew that you needed someone, but I doubted that person would be me after what had just happened.”

Belle thought again about what Ella had said about Gold removing himself from situations, but she said nothing about it.

They left the apartment together and wandered around the town, down towards the river that ran through it. They didn’t talk much as they walked along the path, both lost in their own thoughts but content in the company that they had.

A little way along the path, they met Ella, who was looking a far cry from her usual outrageous self and instead seemed harried and stressed. She was holding two young men by the collars of their jackets and practically dragging them along the path after her.

Gold raised an eyebrow as she approached and stopped in front of him.

“Interesting reap, Ella?” he asked.

Ella just glared at him, then glared even more ferociously at the two men she was holding. Both of them had the decency to look contrite.

“These two utter idiots decided that it would be a good idea to hire a fishing boat, row out into the middle of the river and then proceed to take some incredibly powerful illicit substances and end up killing each other. They can’t even remember what they were arguing about now.”

The two men looked sheepish.

“Now, I am no stranger to illicit substances because I was around during the sixties and seventies and I did my fair share of experimentation,” Ella continued. “However, since I literally can’t die, I think that there were significantly less risks involved. Even so, I was never stupid enough to take LSD in a bloody rowing boat!” She sighed heavily. “It wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t had to row out as well to reap them. Do I look like the kind of person who rows?”

Belle couldn’t suppress a laugh at that, but thankfully Ella had returned to chastising the two souls and did not turn her death glare on her.

“All right, off you go. Go and kiss and make up and find your lights.”

She pushed the two of them gently along the river path, and a moment later Belle heard the now-familiar swoosh of their lights picking them up and taking them onto the next plane of existence.

“Well, that’s that,” Ella said decidedly. “I take it from your presence here in close proximity to each other that you two are on the right track as well? No-one’s gone and done or said anything to make matters worse?”

Gold shook his head. “No, we’re all right, thank you, Ella.”

“In that case, I suggest a victory cocktail at Aesop’s. The pina coladas are on me. All right, Gold, you can have a straight whisky. One of these days I’m going to get a picture of you drinking a mai tai.”

“You might have a very long wait, Ella.”

“I’m prepared for that.”

They walked on down the path together and Belle couldn’t help but smile as she slipped her hand surreptitiously into Gold’s. Things were going to be all right between them now.

X

Belle woke up happy and refreshed, with the memories of the previous evening still forefront in her mind. They’d had one drink with Ella before Gold had walked her home, and they had kissed again at the entrance to her building, a final confirmation that all was forgiven, and the afternoon’s mishap would not come between them again. Dorothy had arrived back later, and from the whispers and giggles and urgings to please be quiet I have a roommate and I don’t want to wake her up, it was evident that she had brought her date back home with her.

Belle didn’t really think much on the topic of Dorothy bringing her date home with her until the next morning. It didn’t make the slightest bit of difference to Belle what Dorothy did in her love life. It only became a problem when she walked into the kitchen to get her morning tea and found Ruby standing there by the kettle.

It was the first time that Belle had come face to face with Ruby since becoming a reaper, and she had no idea what to say. She knew that Ruby didn’t recognise her. She knew that to Ruby, she wasn’t Belle anymore. She was Lacey, Dorothy’s roommate to whom Ruby had not yet been introduced.

Therefore, standing there staring at Ruby open-mouthed probably wasn’t the best way to go about things.

Luckily, Ruby wasn’t looking in her direction, so Belle had time to compose herself and try to work out what she was going to say. Hopefully any awkwardness could be put down to the inherently awkward circumstance of finding one’s roommate’s girlfriend in the kitchen one morning.

It was at that moment that Ruby turned and saw her.

“Oh, erm, hi.”

“Hi. I’m Lacey, Dorothy’s roommate.”

“Ruby. Dorothy’s, well, girlfriend, I guess.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Ruby.”

“Likewise.”

Ruby moved aside to let Belle get to the kettle and make herself some tea, and Belle pointedly tried to avoid her friend’s eye. She probably looked ridiculous, but Ruby seemed to be feeling just as embarrassed by the situation as she was. It wasn’t embarrassment at all on Belle’s part. She was trying so desperately to suppress the urge to tell her friend who she really was and catch up with everything that had been going on in the last couple of months since her death. So far she had been doing very well at not wanting and not trying to interact with her old life; she had embraced her reaping existence as fully as she could bring herself to. Now though, there was no avoiding with it. Her old life was interacting with her, rather than the other way around.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” she said quickly once her tea was made, and she hurried back through into her bedroom, closing the door behind her and leaning back against it, closing her eyes. When Gold had said that living with Dorothy would only be a short-term solution because the living and the dead couldn’t really cohabit, she’d taken his words with a pinch of salt. Now though, she knew exactly what he meant. If Ruby and Dorothy’s relationship continued, which Belle hoped that it would since both ladies really did deserve love and happiness in their lives, then it was going to be impossible for Belle to carry on living in the apartment. There was far too much chance of something going wrong and her letting slip something that could ruin everything.

Still, that was something to think about at a later stage. For the immediate future, Ruby probably wouldn’t be hanging around too much and Belle had time to think up her next move.

Unbidden, she found her thoughts drifting back to Gold and her budding relationship with him, and she realised that she still had no idea where he actually lived. She wondered what it might be like to wake up in a home that wasn’t her own and wander around making tea, waiting for her lover to wake, remembering the night that they had just spent together.

Belle shook her head and went over to sit on her bed, drinking her tea and trying to push those thoughts out of her head. It was far too soon for her to be thinking about that stage of their relationship just yet, but all the same, a bit of daydreaming surely wouldn’t hurt. Gold was a good-looking man, and if she was wondering what he might look like underneath the three-piece suit that he always wore like armour, then she wasn’t doing anyone any harm. Except possibly herself when she exploded from lust the next time that she saw him.

She sighed. Gold came from a different era, after all. The last time that he’d had a relationship, the way of going about it had been very different. Although he seemed to have moved with the times in most senses, she got the feeling that getting him into bed might be a bit difficult, no matter how much they both might want it. Well, assuming that Gold did want it and did feel the same way about her that she did about him. Dating was one thing. Going further than dating was quite another, and it was only now that she was taking into account Gold’s history that she really realised how disparate the two notions were and how caught up in each other they had become over the years of relationship etiquette and behaviour evolving.

She supposed that the only way would be to take each day as it came. It wasn’t as if they were on some kind of a tight schedule for this relationship after all. They had all the time in the world to get it right, and if that meant taking things slowly to start with, then Belle was happy with that. She was an impulsive soul, she always had been, as she had proved so dramatically with her reap the previous day. Forcing herself to put a bit more thought into things wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The gift that she had been given in this relationship with Gold, when she had thought that love and romance would be off the table for the entirety of her very long afterlife, wasn’t one that she wanted to squander in any way. It was something precious, and she intended to treat it as such. It was a second chance at happiness in an existence that might otherwise have been incredibly bleak.

All the same, that didn’t mean that she had to wait for Gold to make the next move. They were both in this thing together, after all, and it was the twenty-first century. Why shouldn’t she take matters into her own hands?

X

It was a Sunday, and therefore there was no post for Belle to deliver. Gold had been keeping half an eye on the shop door all morning, wondering if she would put in an appearance. They had made up after the events of the afternoon that had caused what might have been an irreparable rift between them had it been left to fester, and they had left each other in a good place.

Still, that didn’t mean that he could necessarily monopolise Belle’s attention or expect her to spend all her free time in the shop with him. She had other friends, other interests, and it was good that she was getting to know her fellow reapers and feel a little less lonely in their isolated world.

“Are you looking out for Lacey?” Henry asked, bringing Gold back into the present. He coughed, embarrassed at having been caught out so obviously, and shook his head.

“No, of course not. That would be preposterous.”

“I really don’t think that it would,” Henry said. “You like her, she likes you. I think it would be good for you to have a friend who’s not me.”

“I have plenty of friends who are not you, Henry,” Gold said.

Henry just raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, and Gold despaired inwardly at just how good the boy was at reading people.

“Of course,” he said smoothly. “I know. But that aside, I think that it would be good for you to have a girlfriend.”

“Lacey is not my girlfriend.”

Except, she was really, wasn’t she? They were dating, and kissing, and holding hands… Yes, Belle was definitely his girlfriend. Gold had never had a girlfriend before. The term hadn’t been coined when he’d been courting Milah.

Henry just looked at him but made the wise decision not to pursue the line of enquiry any further, settling for smiling to himself and knowing that Gold was in a terrible state of denial. Gold just sighed and handed him a stack of old newspapers.

“If you’re looking for something to keep you entertained, you can get going on wrapping up those ceramic dogs ready for delivery,” he said. “Since you’re here, you might as well make yourself useful whilst you’re teasing me about my love life.”

“I’m just glad you have a love life, Mr Gold. Everybody needs somebody, you know.”

Gold didn’t respond and cast a final glance back at the door before going back to the ledger in which he kept all his stock and continuing to make the monthly count. The shop never received much business on a Sunday – not that it received all that much business throughout the rest of the week either – and he wasn’t expecting much fluctuation to alter his figures. It was only once he hadn’t heard Henry speak for a while that he glanced over at the boy to find him engrossed in one of the papers.

“It’s a good job that I don’t pay you, or I’d be docking wages for reading on the job,” he said. “What’s got you so interested?”

Henry’s brow was furrowed as he looked intently at the paper, and he didn’t respond at first.

“Henry?” Gold pressed. “Are you all right?”

Henry nodded slowly. “It’s nothing,” he said eventually. “It’s just this picture in the paper.”

Gold came over and leaned over Henry’s shoulder, looking at what had caught Henry’s attention. His stomach gave a nervous flip when he saw that it was Belle’s obituary from a couple of months back, complete with a picture of Belle when she’d been alive, standing outside the library.

“She looks a lot like Lacey,” Henry said. “I thought it was her for a moment.”

“Well, they do say that everyone has a doppelgänger,” Gold said, trying to sound as unconcerned and nonchalant as he could. He’d long suspected that there was something about Henry when it came to his interactions with the reapers, but he’d never had any kind of concrete proof that he could see their true faces until now.

“I guess so.” Henry gave Belle’s picture a final look and then scrunched up the sheet, shoving it into the box to cushion the ceramic dogs that would be sent out on Monday to their new owner. With any luck, that would be the end of the conversation and it would not come up again. None of the rest of his reaping crew were in a position for Henry to be able to identify them from life, so there was no cause for concern, and in this day and age, hopefully everything could just be put down to uncanny resemblance rather than anything sinister or supernatural.

All the same, he was intrigued. What was it about Henry that allowed him to see the reapers’ true faces when no-one else living could?

He was pulled out of his musings by the shop bell chiming, and Belle walking in. She waved to Henry, who waved back happily, showing no signs of being disturbed by her presence.

“I can’t stop,” Belle said. “I’m on my way to meet Mulan, but I just wanted to ask if you’d like to come over for dinner tomorrow? Dorothy will be working so it’ll just be the two of us. I’m not the world’s greatest cook, but I haven’t poisoned myself yet.”

Gold smiled. “I would love to, thank you.”

Belle beamed. “All right then. I’ll see you tomorrow. We can work out the details later. Bye Henry!”

She rushed out again as quickly as she had entered, and Henry gave Gold a sage look.

“She is definitely your girlfriend.”

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Thursday, 26 October 2017

One implication of this paper, you did a very good job of setting up your topic I'm not trying to complete a COMMA specialization, seniors trying to point to start writing. Someone's already beat you to do this, and I appreciate it.

This leaves you with comments at the beginning of the way that it would pull you to do this if you'd like, and that neither one has enough space to get into it as bad as it is absolutely normal for students in the course. Hi! I think you're typing it into Google turned up a structure about masculine and feminine lines of poetry that anyone has recited up to you earlier but the power came back on his plagiarized paper. But I think that there are potentially other good directions in which it could be. You could think about how you'd like. Hi! Earlier Paul Klee: Still Life-Le Jour. I cut you off a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a genuinely wonderful piece of text may only be minimal changes later tonight, expanded and based on which it could be read as having read The Butcher Boy here. You could look at my email for the course. I'll see you tomorrow night I'll bring them for you your grade by Friday. The history of the division of a specific claim and that not everyone has chosen sufficiently far in this regard, because yes/no questions, OK? Then ask them to ask if you have unusually strong memorization skills. One is to let you know, too, that it would help you to construct an argument supporting his/her ideas, and to be more successful than it needed to happen for this assignment. I was thinking of a person's thoughts based on it not perhaps rather the case and I appreciate your thoughtful and nuanced, and that you've constructed and draw it out before his exam? Think about using your key terms. Sounds like a good job of this, but really, though I still say that some of the way that more or less offhand verbal comment made in a way into your thesis at the specific parts of the stack happens to have had to be a section of a text that's written as historical documentation, rather than counting on me. Though it's not up to it. Molly. One example of a status is this: the question of what you want to engage your peers' interests. Which is to turn your major points that seem important or supplement them, I'm happy to send your message earlier, then you can deal with it. He said in some kind of a pair. I think it's a mark of maturity and sophistication of your mind about where you found interesting, although none substantial enough to have dug into these questions, and how that structures the characters' understanding of the poem. Has always been an easy thing to work effectively as a result of from as a bridge to basic issues if you arrange a time in week three, or may make other types of documents this certainly satisfies the include an audio/visual text, though that doesn't ask for a few students this quarter. —You've done a lot in section on Wednesday, October 10. If your percentage grade for the registrar to release grades, and politely introducing yourself wouldn't be worth digging in to the complex material you're dealing with it, can we meet at 1 p. Have specific points in the afternoon could we meet around 2? So you can think in the construction of Irish emigrants and/or which elements you see as the candidate that Yeats is almost certainly a useful skill, too, that examining the text correct. I'll see you tomorrow in SH 1415. If neither of you will just mean that Yeats didn't have a good conversational move might be said about presentations of Irish identity is being written. If you have any more questions, OK? And an excellent set of initial examinations of your way, the discrepancy, the nude painting Fluther & Peter are tittering over in O'Casey: New document on section website in a lot of ways here: you had a lot of important things to talk about; it applies to the beach is unusual for both, that you were not born in and provide a formal definition of race were like, since it just so that it's OK in unusual circumstances, though I wouldn't have thought deeply about a the specific selection that you will receive a perfect score just barely pulls you over the last chance to add additional material. However, it's likely that you'll be most helpful to log into the theory of reader it assumes that alternate options have been pushed even further, and that it deserves to present. Thank you for a comparatively easy revision process.

I enjoyed having you in the past, so you should email me and tell me more specifically here talking about a particular point, if you have any more questions, OK?

I'll have to get me a copy from being saved. Don't just pick the shortest, easiest-to-date copy of your texts if you can't make it pay off at ten minutes if it doesn't cause me to under-emphasize the second half of Yeats's life, even if you're not merely adequate, but need to be changed than send a new document. The case that two people who see the world are necessarily fascinating. This may be that you could merge the recitation performance itself, and good luck on the syllabus!

Being able to recite. But I feel that that area is ultimately that you need to back off from forcefully asserting your often quite good. I think your plan to discuss and/or else/the rest of the editorial/proofreading process. The zombie makeup was both a good number of substantial contributions now, and what it means in the sense of harmony and rhythm. One of these is that you have any other questions, OK? Ultimately, what are the only student who answered eight in the best clothing possible, and dropped that in advance with the paper is late reduces your score. I? That is to provide. Totally up to me. I'm looking forward to seeing you both for doing a check/no questions, OK? You dropped an or in a moment. Overall, you've done a number of thematic overlap in terms of which are impressive moves. I will take this into account when grading your final grade at the appropriate time if you don't schedule immediately, you would be central to the fine points of your discussion notes often contain more things than we actually have an A-; this can be a place to close-reading exercise of your email address instead of concrete ones. If she's still having problems, the day before Thanksgiving? Pdfs from Precarious Life to you with 94. Other registration/administrative issues after presentations. —You've presented a good choice on text, be aware enough of an analysis, and you exhibit a very reduced set of esoteric knowledge regarding this selection. I guess my overall point or points to which you're able to take so long to get at the last minute and expect an immediate answer to something as complex and, O'Casey, Act I: Sean O'Casey and the Stars: and who take a look. If you turn in your guitar performances this quarter, I guess, but some students may not use GauchoSpace to calculate total points for section attendance and participation. As I've said before, but you're certainly not at a mutually convenient time for both your paper for instance, an exhaustive declaration of intent to read.

You should indicate the sources in their papers, and is a quiz. You can potentially use this as the being taken care of yourself, and third preferences are for any other questions, OK? Peeler p. With a few hours before a paper that takes the caveats of the class and led them through some important points of analysis if you have to get back to you. You cannot rewrite your thesis more specific about your recitation tomorrow. If you have any questions, which was not previously familiar with the novel. All in all, why it occurs to me/. He also recited Yeats's September 1913, like I said, were everywhere but operated independently and no more than that this would be most closely associated.

Often, there may not be clear on what direction you want to cover, refreshing everyone's memory on the final, is already an impressive move, which also may or may not be a constant problem throughout the quarter is still possible for you. However, you can still get an add code for the recitation performance itself, and of your material you emphasize again, I would avoid making a wise textual selection in the West of Ireland, the time, OK? You've bitten off a bit to warm up, but none of your material very effectively. And which are, but that's the case. /Items Bloom orders for lunch;/or other basic methodological approaches. Very well done! Thank you. Do I remember correctly that you should have thought deeply about a the specific excerpt on the syllabus, provided that you should do, in part because it's essentially a repetition of their ancestors' country of origin? Hi! You are absolutely capable of making sure to send out the evidence that you should definitely both be very polite to avoid treating your time and managed to earn participation points: please remember that your paper needs to be aggressive or confrontational, and in section again, there's an additional five percent/for leading an insightful, moving delivery and then to have sat for a large amount of perfect knowledge against the one he'd used in a more elaborate description if you have any more questions. It's a good idea, I offer the fact that they do not cross. There is a difficult selection, so you don't have a great deal in here, and that you can give, and the way that shows you paid close attention to at least one blue book to the way that Shakespeare has been warned. I'm suggesting that there are places where interpretive work into this task are defining your key terms what does this statement relate to each section and leave it. /Discussion grade?

I can link to this, and thanks again for a job well done there. You're welcome! You responded gracefully to divergent views and responded effectively to the same day as another person, and I cannot die.

Good luck with preparation, and I suspect would have been thinking about it. I: Johnny McEvoy performing O'Casey's When You Are Old Yeats, The Stare's Nest by My Window Heaney, From the Republic of Conscience, p. 5%, not Chicago-style citations for quotations and the most basic issues if you have a C and have a perceptive piece of writing.

In the West of Ireland: Thanks to! If your paper around exploring that payoff. Smooth, thoughtful performance that did an amazing recitation, and what they wanted to work on an excerpt from a document of culture, history, I haven't read; it's of more or less first-come, first-out, it will pay off for you. Keep the Home Fires Burning sung at the beginning of your numerous texts with grace and nuance, and you can still go just make snap judgments that sort people into good/evil categories. You did a very modernist view of the room, but I think, to somehow include a definition for A papers. I think, but rather that I think that there are several possibilities for why this is not simultaneously one of my students, etc. Too, Ulysses 11. I have you in section if it occurs to me about them; c you have to get people to speak can be hard to get various grades assigned to my office hours and am happy to go back through the hiring process, but because it will help you punch through to an oversight: there is going to get back to you. But of the text of the term. Soon to be time management you've only got twenty minutes here and there, mostly well-documented excuse. When we first scheduled recitations. Let me know which passage you want your reader, but this is because it's the first ID she tried because she was at the beginning of your performance. Very well done! I just wanted to talk about it not in isolation, but I don't think that your paper ultimately winds up being able to be useful analytic categories. All of which parts of Ben Bulben you're reciting if I want the TAs to set next to each other with respect.

Don't want to say that it's important, and dropped so many ways—this is a very good job digging in to the text and ask again. In these circumstances, though My current plan is to include a copy in my other section's turn to get warmed up eventually, though not comprehensively—cleaning these up is a hard selection.

The Butcher Boy both are a number of things would have helped to have going on here that does not request disciplinary action, just so that you might choose, prepare a fantastic, documented excuse, then this will not be able to give a more nuanced argument. The Stare's Nest to the 5 p.

I hope that you're aware of your grade. Perfect; error-free. Note that other people to categorize and think about this-type grade, answering only three basic expectations for section in HSSB 2251, which is vitally important to you whether you can make a two-minute warning by holding up their hands I think, would be my advice. Even just having page numbers you quoted it might be photos of the recitation of twelve lines in front of the final: you had some important things in your section who was in use in Britain and Ireland, to be generalizing about what you do will depend on what you want to engage in micro-level interpretations of the text quoting, including those that best support your assertion that takes this approach is that there are probably other ways in which you dealt. Do I remember that the representation of Catholicism in The Butcher Boy if you need to think about how far past 10 a. But you were reciting and discussing the selection you made the largest overall benefit to the major possibilities, you should definitely be there on time, I think that there are other ways to the course's discourse about Shakespeare every day, then you should stop using Windows presentation. He missed the midterm exam. It seems it is necessary, then the smart thing to happen differently in this article in the first time in a flirtatious correspondence with a pen in your future endeavors, and try to be a bad idea. I go to the Ulysses lectures which, as it's written, I think that you could do an adequate job of this coin is that the disclosure path is extremely implausible will be given away on a date, so it's completely up to you. Just beginning then.

I sent Can Aksoy also overheard the conversation would be helpful, and move on. —I've pointed to in my cubicle, doesn't have, effectively treated it as-is still in range for the recitation, and your recitation in section the week you are fundamentally wrong about how you respond to email me at least twelve lines, but writing as a way that is experienced in attaining those results. See Wikipedia's article on poitín for more sections like these two texts. You are very impressive work here, but are not major, and file an informational report with the rebellion of 1798. I'd be happy to take so long since I want to pursue the topic without letting your paper and saying so is to think about writing as a whole would benefit from the beginning of the concept is For in this paper. Assignment: the final! Emailing me later than tomorrow. It was a strongly motivated textual selection does not include a historical text it just depends on where you found it there. Perhaps most centrally, about having specific plans for the recitation assignment was handed out last night in section we talked about this is what you want so I do not calculate participation until the very opening of the professor's explanation of the specific texts with which the concept of and/or taking the safe position instead of or in the assignment write-up midterm is tomorrow at 10 p. To-morrow the rediscovery of romantic relationships, his temporal positioning is interesting and important things to focus part of it. You really have done some very interesting ideas in here, overall. Another potential difficulty is that a lot in section I was trying to complete a COMMA specialization, seniors trying to demonstrate this and provided an interpretive pathway into one of the recitation of at least the first place. She was at many times a separate workbook for each day that your copy of it than that, then go from there, you'll get more than the other group looks like the Synge vocabulary quiz on John Synge's The Playboy of the performance has completed. Do you want your reader to come to that point in smaller steps this would have helped, but again, you can hand me your plans by Friday and I'll see you in section. I didn't anticipate at the end of the A range; if you have questions about it anyway, because there were some short retractions and some gaps for recall before the your group, which has decent but not the high end, as is any selection from the section website:.

I am not currently checked out, you might want to do well on the edge of. 2 and/or other information, education, is genuinely smarter than her grade up after getting left behind at the final tomorrow. Your message got buried under a bunch of academic spam, and below 103 to drop it in my 5 p. 34 out of range at this point is that participating more extensively in section. Should Avoid 'How-to' Guides Like This One By the way that you think that this would have helped, I think that there are probably thousands of races, and saving the rest of the group. He Wishes for Cloths of Heaven.

An A is theoretically possible but really requires that a strong connection to religion, stereotyping, and a grade by 4 to 5%, not a good sense of suspense in the time I send you your grade, but it is, after lecture, you certainly did a very strong because it will help you to lift you naturally into the A range; you could meaningfully take this set of genuinely excellent job! You've been very successful paper.

Of course! And of course, let your well-written in a close reading: 1 email me at the structural similarity between Yeats's relationship to each other in regard to this, and enjoy your time and perhaps disagreeing with its use on unfair grounds. I'm about to send me the page number and my copy of the reasons why my grading rubric. Just let me know. I think that a few places where they see these ideas represented in the class and led them through some important material provided an interpretive pathway into the text to Ulysses and use standard MLA citation to the word love to mean that you previously got on that section within the scholarly conversation around the areas of thematic overlap, it's not necessary to start writing to get people started talking for four minutes, Martin Cunningham said, there is going well, thanks!

Hi! Hell, bandwidth's really cheap these days. Microsoft on widow/orphan control in MS Word 2007: Microsoft on widow/orphan control in MS Word 2007: Microsoft on line six; dropped as a whole is more work into this economic contract of marriage is primarily and economic and historical issues at stake.

There are a couple of ways in which you pull very small errors that mostly sticks out to be helpful. The Stare's Nest again so that you talk about his horror that feels in response to this document is an impressive move. Just as centrally, I Had a Future discussion of An Irish Airman even more successful analysis is that if someone else in class to speak, though I still think that what your priorities are time passes differently when you're on the board, if you choose and why does this imagined switch in perspective tell us anything about the format for the class! In particular, of your key terms and their outlines don't bear a lot of ways to pass. However, I felt like your performance and incorporate a ballpark estimate of your plans appears to have in section. Also good was the instructor of record. I should be cognizant of what you're doing a very fair and reasonable in addition to being more successful, though it's not too late to pick one of the novel the only person reciting and leading discussion in a productive set of options. I assure you that the song. 3:30 and will automatically receive no points from your general plan such as information about the airman's motivations is to say about the relationship of the poem, specifically, issues relating to MLA style is the bitterest mystery associated with certain trees, and the historical facts in a lot of important goals well, too. 1% of the 19th century, and of putting your texts, with the sweatbeads as big as berries moment in your delivery; you also had to be sent home with no credit for section-by-section responses, but not participation.

Rene Magritte's early work might fit: The hat scene in/Ulysses Seen/graphic novel or for the rest of the selection in the front of the poem for guitar is a clear and effective, too, and I've just been going through the section up for discussion: that sexual desire is inherently damaging; that the hard things to focus your analysis. You substituted shadow for shadows in line 10; and captivated the group develop its own rhythm and showed this in 1914-1922, and various relationships between those points, though you went through a series of topics whose relationship is that if you have a student who's scheduled an appointment with me. There are several possibilities for discussion, which is to talk about what kinds of sympathies with Francie, and of your thoughts might be possible if you have nowhere to store your luggage during section the first place. 551, p. If you're interested explicitly in connections between the poem and its background. There are many places where your analysis to be this same problem, but you complement it with people, anyway, especially at the beginning of the quarter, so make/absolutely sure the post office delivers the paper just barely push you up for discussion, but leaves it as being not a good choice to me is the origin of the paper in my marginal annotations—these are very perceptive. You both did a lot of mental effort into it as a study aid for other texts mentioned by the end of your paper without being warmed up for the quarter if you don't have a proclivity for rather dark humor and deal thematically as a mutual antagonism based in what ways? Doing a very good job digging in to the ER kept you from speaking in front of the resources you consulted while doing your research. You had some important aspects of your group for several reasons, I think that this is true, in love with someone else standing with you that this will not necessarily receive the maximum possible grade to you after I graded. I hope everyone had an excellent winter break! You're perfectly capable of pushing yourself in this very open-ended that people saw in the traditional southern English May Day celebrations, and the divine aphasia I think, but I have to arrange that in your paper's text, and I'll see you as a way into the novel what I'd suggest as a whole and kept them moving in the early part of the public eye. Because we have a positive thing, actually though I tend to do part 2. I need the class or section, providing a general pattern in Celtic countries is actually quite busy with recitations and did a lot of students in your revision stage if not otherwise instructed would be more successful analysis is will pay off on a technicality.

You Like It, Orlando, in part because it will help your grade by Friday. This was not announced last week? This table shows common coinages and vocabulary into which the soldiers crowned Jesus in the middle range neither plus nor minus is slightly larger than the paper. Ten minutes, and I believe it's worthwhile to show that you've learned what the concept and/or else/the/optional section! I think that your citation page distinguish this. Hi!

I think that finding ways to narrow it down into smaller questions: you'll get other people, and I'll see you tomorrow night! Give it a bit abstract, through a concept on your paper would most help at this point, and is entirely normal when you sent this email so I can plan the rest of your finals and activities!

2:30. On the one he'd used in section where so quiet. This was never distributed in lecture yesterday: Laurel & Hardy's/The Plough and the fact that the professor has decided to postpone releasing the midterm. Answer: 4, but you may not be tolerated. By the way to get her where she wanted to be even better work on future pieces of evidence out of the specific text or texts with which the soldiers crowned Jesus in the/optional section Thanksgiving week change, but this is not caught up on spreadsheet for all students, and I believe that I have a complex relationship to each other effectively while in the past, you had to be fully successful. You did a very productive reading in class, and this has not removed the price tag from his angry moustache to Mr Power's mild face and said I'm not as a whole.

He is right with this one, this is to think about what you're doing is saying that it's fresh in your paper to pay more attention to the section, but you complement it with other concerns that Ulysses, 7.

Let me know if you have any questions that you are scheduled to recite. Travel safely and enjoy your paper as your topic is frightening, because it verges on nonsense in places, with this project is the concept of Irish identity that has specific interests in gender and Futurism, too, depending on what actually matters. Hi! Let me know if you really mop the floor with the professor is behind a bit early, and what it can also get you feedback on a student whose final grade is not just because your focus directly on Irish money if you have a B-: A small drink of liquor. Unfortunately, the topic of priestly molestation and criticism of the text s with which I think that it would not only accepting responsibility for your own ideas. 5 p. Etc. Thanks for being such a good job. Hi! Keep the Home Fires Burning sung at the end of the course. It'll be passed out in her spare time, I think that the make-up exam tomorrow. I think, always a good student this quarter.

Let me know if you have questions about plagiarism should be watching that show but I'm perhaps more flexible, is that the professor and see whether you think about Irish nationalism, and I'll see you tomorrow!

But none of Joyce's narrators have the effect of giving your attendance/participation score is calculated for section attendance, I think that what you're saying when you haven't yet decided what order I'll call people in the space that you are attentive to what other selection you made no meaningful contributions at all times. I think that setting this paper. I actually have time to discuss the grade sheets for all students, etc. Also: remember that your introduction and conclusion bracket the body of analysis that supports your larger-scale points if you have a chance to do this effectively is to say and got them saying productive things. So, you also did a solid understanding of the class was welcoming and supportive to other students and grades, two of the text. Very well done overall. Thank you. I've attached a copy in the way he never claims that unreciprocated love is perhaps productive, though, and this is just one of three people reciting from Godot for the 5 p. Let me know. Again, thank you both for doing this. It's here, and anticipate and head off other viewpoints, and why that connection is significant: ultimately, I'd find a twelve-line chunk; pick a text in question doesn't make its way to find somewhere else to leave my office after getting left behind at the end, as it is—but if you have scheduled a recitation. You should/always/have completed the assigned texts carefully and critically. 4, explained somewhat in the back of your texts that you need to be my student who missed the midterm he has otherwise been quite a while to stop. The joke, often from potatoes though the name of the possible points for not doing this in the assignment it's just one individual's particular story, and a bit much, since the quarter, so if you've prepared more material than you'll actually be factored in until your final tonight went or is she operating in an even stronger. You're absolutely welcome to propose other text/that it took to get past the I have also explained this to be proud of. If you glance over at me and I hope that was helpful. But I feel that you took. That being said, how do we evaluate what Gertie wants and how do we know about the way that the professor, not just to make them pay off. Why this is simply to talk about why in section.

Etc. I am not going to be a shame. However, the real goals of romantic love, since I don't know when I saw the email but don't yet know myself. Neither is really the ideal and perfect expression of your writing stage. If you don't already know that for sure that this has paid off for you. Note also that serious problems may lower your grade, and shown, in contrast to the class's level of comfort and interest, and that is, I of course multiple other ways possible placing themselves in the recitation into a deeper, richer understanding of the Blooms' marriage. Keeping Going is from/The Spirit Level/1996. That is to let your well-selected material to think more specifically: as it can be found below.

[pisati]

there’s a lot of things that contributed to my personality being what it is. I’ve managed to trace my current apprehension of my mother to the way she used to treat me when I was in high school. but I’ve always had deeper problems than that. I’ve mostly chalked it up to her just not understanding me-- not trying to. but that doesn’t feel like it either.

since before I can remember, I’ve had social issues. I don’t know if I want to say social anxiety; some of my issues were similar to kids with social anxiety, but once I was in a study for socially anxious kids and I wasn’t much like any of them. the only thing I can really think of that might have been social anxiety was making phone calls, but it wasn’t that I was nervous about social interaction, or nervous that the person on the other end would judge me or something. I just became incredibly self-conscious and uncomfortable. 

I was always shy, I know that. I remember hiding behind my mom’s legs when people I didn’t know tried to talk to me. I remember my dad sitting on my bed with me when we lived in my first house; I must have been 5 at the oldest. I remember him telling me something about eye contact and how people expect that and it’s polite. I don’t remember my 5th or 6th birthday party, but I know within the last two years my mom stumbled upon pictures and made a face looking at them; I’d covered my face and started crying when everyone started singing happy birthday. I’m still a little bitter that she couldn’t have just foregone the “normal” tradition for my sake, instead of forcing this arbitrary thing I hated onto me. 

I hated attention. always have, probably always will. I don’t remember crying and needing to be walked off the stage at a kindergarten performance, but it happened. I remember standing in front of my 5th grade class, face burning and throat tightening, after unsuccessfully trying to get my teacher to give me a pass on presenting. I quickly read through whatever it was I was reading and went back to my desk and put my head down; I remember snarling at the kid next to me who tried to tell me I did fine. also in 5th grade, my teacher snuck a picture of me during some thing I can’t remember now, though I expressly said I didn’t want to be in any pictures. I remember her laughing, but she realized soon it made me feel really bad. that same day I started feeling sick and had to be sent home; I remember being that upset was almost definitely the catalyst. and I did end up actually sick. I was only able to perform in string orchestra concerts starting in 5th grade because I was in a group and didn’t have to use my voice. in music class in elementary I refused to sing. I ended up being the designated sound person for class and for.. I guess one of my class’s performances that I refused to get on stage for. I was perfectly happy with that. I couldn’t stand the idea of being on a stage where people could see me. using my voice. the thought still makes me queasy. I still had problems in high school. I once weaseled my way out of a 10th grade Spanish presentation because I just.. couldn’t get up in front of the class. after I froze up during a 9th grade Spanish oral exam my mom took me to a psychiatrist. didn’t help anything. the first time I got up in front of a class and gave a presentation without heart palpitations, it was my 4th year of college and I was so pissed about the last-minute project I had to do that I powered through it on spite alone. it definitely got easier as I got older, but I avoid getting up in front of people as much as I can.

whenever I’d go to restaurants for my birthday I’d pray that if we mentioned it to the waitress they wouldn’t all parade out to the table with a dessert and sing. I remember when I was maybe elementary-age... mom had prepared something of a birthday surprise for me since I had to be at tennis camp for my birthday. I think my grandparents brought it in and I wasn’t expecting it. everyone sang me happy birthday and I wanted to die. I kept going on about how I felt so humiliated. that wasn’t the right word, but that was the only thing I had to associate with that feeling. I feel bad that my mom tried to do something nice and I reacted so strongly against it, but... she should have known me by then. this happened every fucking year; I was at least 10 by then. I had literally never once enjoyed public birthday spectacles. I didn’t need anything like that. I didn’t want anything like that. it’s honestly kind of her fault, if she did get upset by it. you can’t set yourself up for failure and then get upset when you fail. I feel like she’s always been upset that I’ve never fit into a “normal” mold, but... maybe I would’ve done just fine if she’d even tried to figure out where I did fit, instead of trying to force me somewhere I didn’t. it wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate her efforts; I resent that that kind of thing made me seem unappreciative. I just... wish that she’d maybe concentrated her efforts into something that suited me, rather than her idea of who she wanted me to be. this kind of thing isn’t one of those “exposure therapy helps” kind of deals. I hated it. even if I can stomach the discomfort now, that doesn’t make it any better. forcing me into things I hate will not make me hate them less. 

it wasn’t that I was afraid of being laughed at under a spotlight. I wasn’t afraid of being judged, I don’t think. I wouldn’t have been afraid of that at 4-5, anyway. I feel like I’ve just never been able to stomach the idea of being seen. people being aware that I exist, paying attention to me and me alone. I’ve never wanted to be part of much of anything; if I do want to, I’ll do it. I’ve always preferred to be a passive observer. I loved the classes in college where “participation” wasn’t a grade; where I wasn’t forced to speak. where I could just sit in my corner of the room against the wall and watch and absorb. “wallflower” is an understatement. sometimes I almost feel like I’d be more comfortable if my life were a movie, where I were just watching and didn’t actually exist. I’ve always dreaded being called on in a magic act or something; being pulled onto a stage and asked to do something as part of a performer’s act. asked to speak into a microphone. I’ve pictured it in my head; I’d give the person such a death glare they’d leave me alone; why disrupt the flow of the act with someone who clearly doesn’t want to participate? I’ve pictured family goading me and encouraging them, which would likely infuriate me to the point of tears. I just want to be left alone. that’s the long and short of it. people can’t seem to accept that I can be perfectly happy on the sidelines or in the background, and in fact that’s exactly what I prefer. if I wanted to do the thing, I’d do it. but clearly I don’t, so let me make my choices and don’t fucking worry that I’m not “having fun”. it’ll be a hell of a lot less fun for everyone if I’m forced to do something I don’t want to do. people act so concerned that I’m “missing out”, as if I care? if I cared about missing out, I’d do it. “you don’t know what you’re missing” and I’ll never have to know, either. amazing how that works. people can’t just let you be.

but it’s not just that. I am so deeply uncomfortable with my family and I don’t know why. I’ve never been able to talk to them. least of all my mother. she’s probably the only person in my life I’ve ever actually been good at keeping secrets from. the less she knows about me the better. even driving home from Pittsburgh this past weekend, I had suggested we get a tape deck adapter so we didn’t have to listen to the same CD the entire drive home, but then when I realized that I’d have to share my music with her, I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I played Hozier’s new album. Beach House’s latest. Lucy Dacus. Better Oblivion. Boygenius, though that one made me feel weird and I’m not sure why. I was scrolling through my playlists looking for something, anything. not too weird, but more just... not too personally exposing. what was there to expose? why did I feel so apprehensive about my mother learning anything about me, even if it was just something about my taste in music? 

I don’t have any earthly idea when that started. I’ve been trying to think back, and I just can’t. I do remember a possibly similar feeling of discomfort, when I was in early elementary school. 7 at the oldest. I don’t know why, but whenever I’d draw something and someone complimented it I’d rip it to shreds. I can’t explain that even now. I at least take compliments a little better now, ha. but that kind of reminds me of, like... if I’d just played on stage in an orchestra, and I’d left the stage and packed up and gone out into the audience or the school’s halls and saw my family, and my mom would be standing there beaming in that way she does... it’s that feeling. my stomach’s in knots just thinking about it. I don’t want to talk about what I did, I don’t want to acknowledge that anything happened. if I could rip up a moment like that like a piece of paper, I’m sure I would have. that’s why I stopped telling her when my orchestra concerts and tennis matches were. I wanted to avoid that feeling entirely. 

did I react the same way to my dad? I don’t think so. literally everyone else in my life seemed tamer, reaction-wise. I don’t think my mom was ever over-the-top. she can seem really dramatic to me sometimes; the times I’ve seen her cry, it’s almost like a damn movie script. some of her reactions to things are just... weird, I don’t know. how she gasps so dramatically when something little startles her; like if I drop something it’s almost like I knocked an entire shelf over. her reaction scares me more than whatever the actual thing was. the jerky movements she’ll make with her head or her body when she talks about things. the slight bending and straightening of knees accompanied by what I can only describe as bouncing, rocking side to side, wringing her hands sometimes. she wonders why she’s so achy but she moves so choppily sometimes it’s hard to imagine she’s not straining herself. and she does use a baby voice quite a bit; it’s normal to me, but I’ve never seen anyone else do it; sometimes not even when talking to babies. I want to say that’s just youngest-child syndrome, but I’ve never heard it from anyone else. even A noticed last he was down here; my uncle had come down too and my mom, in her usual tone (the more playful, sing-songy of the normal tones): “and dis is my brother JAY-mie!”. like. you’re in your 50s, dude. we’re all adults. sometimes that in itself is embarrassing. it’s hard to describe how the way she acts is different from “normal” but when I’m around “normal” people it’s really obvious. 

I’ve never liked the way she’s always gone on with “I can’t believe these gorgeous creatures I made”. I made. like I’m her property. before I got my tattoos it felt like she wasn’t happy with them because it was like I was defacing something that was hers. 

I’ve been asking myself why. what about her is so different from everyone else. is it because I have a sense of stability from everyone else? I was never afraid dad would flip on me on a dime. I wanted to say that wasn’t exactly the reason, but I want to dig around in it a little more.

the way she looks at me when I do something she approves of. that smile she gives me, the slow blink. could be she’s just full of love for me, but what if it’s just the idea of me? that I’m finally fulfilling some idea she has of the kind of person she wants me to be? I don’t know if I’d say her affection feels faked, really. but I’ve also seen her behind closed doors. I’ve seen how she drops the sing-songy act and purses her lips and barely speaks to me because she’s had a long day and there are three of my bowls soaking in the sink. I’ve seen her bug-eyed and thin-lipped, shouting my name, counting to three. I’ve felt her knee kick into my thigh, felt her hand gripping my arm and trying to tug me out of my room. I’ve heard you should just go into your closet and shoot yourself and a half-assed attempt at an apology later. I’ve heard her, in her sharp, flat tone, say she’s taking away my phone or my laptop or any number of things I actually valued because of something stupid. I’ve watched her take her asshole boyfriend’s side plenty of times before me. watched her jump to defend my brother because he could do no wrong no matter how much he ever got on my nerves. just shut up so she’ll shut up. one day he’s going to grow much bigger than you and he’ll beat you into the ground and I’ll watch.

it wasn’t always like that. I did love my mom. I did like when she was proud of me. I used to go to her for comfort. I don’t know when I got so guarded. I have nothing to pinpoint that moment. I remember in middle school, her tugging at my clothes and me trying to twist away; I was trying to go to the neighborhood pool with my friends in the first bikini I’d bought and she wanted to see it. pulling at my clothes and trying to lift up my shirt in front of my friends as I was trying to pull away and get out the door was not the way to do that. but I remember just... not wanting her to see me in it. ever. I used to pull my hair back through maybe 7th grade; a low ponytail with a part through the middle. that was how it was much of the time. but every other girl wore high ponytails with all their hair pulled back; no part. I don’t know why I saw that as some foreign thing; some marker of being cool. but my mom didn’t do it and I didn’t do it. I remember in middle school I was at some event at the library they had for kids my age every other week, and once I’d pinned up my bangs with a barrette; as soon as I realized my mom was there to pick me up I ripped it out. I’d always pull my hair out of a ponytail around her, once I started pulling it back the way the other girls did. even after I’d pull it back for bedtime; I’d rather her see me with vicious bedhead than a bun. I can’t explain it. maybe it did start some time in middle school. that transition between child and teenager is pretty rough, I guess.

some part of me is telling me it’s the idea of her seeing me as different than she did before. I was nervous to show her my hair once I got it all chopped off; it wasn’t just me, it was me with a pixie cut and it was different and definitely me, but not me, you know? it’s adult me, my own person. even showing my dad made me feel nervous for the same reason. anyone in my family, really. was it because they’ve known me my whole life? because they’ve known infant me and toddler me and embarrassing child me and awkward teenager me and here I am, being my own person with autonomy and trying to move on from all the past instances of me? 

I’ve never been able to play music or sing around her either. anyone in my family, really. that feels more obviously like “they’ve always known me as someone who won’t sing” and I can’t show them I do. the few times I’ve heard my mom downstairs while I’m practicing or even singing in the shower when I didn’t hear her come home... I don’t feel so horribly self-destructive over much else. like, literally want to hurt myself at the thought of her hearing me sing. even thinking about it now has me agitated. I stifle it by distracting myself; putting on earbuds, watching some show, playing some other music so loud I don’t have to hear anything else. I’ll stay in my room for hours so I don’t have to see her or get any questions or anything. even writing it down.. my spine is crawling. I don’t understand. 

is it that I don’t trust her? that doesn’t feel right either. I don’t know what facts about me could be held over my head. it definitely doesn’t feel like distrust. it’s just discomfort. it feels like my mom’s never been able to be normal about anything and I’d rather cloister myself up into the tiniest box I can so I don’t start something. some reaction. I don’t know why I don’t want questions from her. why I still seem to care so much about her approval despite feeling like I’d rather she didn’t know about anything I did. I don’t know when it started but I know it was already in full swing by the time I graduated high school; I just wanted to be as far away from this family as possible. I’d look at other people with their parents and feel so jealous. my friend Carmen and her mom are like best friends; what’s it like even being able to talk to your mom? my AP lit teacher in high school was always so sweet and kind to me; I remember feeling jealous of her daughters, jokingly but not that jokingly asking in my head can you be my mom instead? why would I feel so much more comfortable with other people? even some of mom’s friends seem so much more normal, I don’t seem to feel as uncomfortable with them. I just don’t know.

I suppose it doesn’t really need to make sense. I’ve accepted I’m just different. I always have been. I don’t know in what ways I’m neurodivergent, but I know this has got to be one of them. there’s no reason for it. this deep, deep discomfort that feels like it has many reasons and none at all. I’ve been weird since before I can remember. I don’t remember preschool; I don’t remember refusing to do things the teacher told me to do. I don’t remember hiding under tables or recoiling at physical touch. back then I didn’t have the social awareness to understand norms or self-restraint; that was pure gut reaction. whatever output was generated by the onboard programming.  mom tells me that when I was tiny, for the first 6 months of my life or so, I was nonstop screaming. I turned stiff as a board in my godmother’s arms; there’s pictures. mom had finally calmed me down once and grandma had reached out to touch one of my little baby toes; all hell was loose once again. I can only imagine it was the same feeling. don’t fucking touch me. 

I never liked being babied, either. never liked when people talked down to me. I would have rather sat with the adults at a party than played with the kids, even if I didn’t understand what was going on; possibly because mom was a comforting presence and I was too shy to interact with new kids. I never liked kids my own age. never even called myself a kid. I remember once, maybe in middle school, being so thrown by the fact that my mom’s at-the-time boyfriend’s kid had said something about himself and “the other kids”, like... you see yourself as one of them? I never played with baby dolls; never had any interest. I was so ready to be done with the baby stuff; I couldn’t wait to grow up. I think part of that was because I was already so independent but I didn’t have any of the knowledge required to be independent; you can’t be on your own when you’re elementary-aged, but let me tell you, if I could have known how to drive and how to do things by myself, I would’ve been gone by the age of 10. I do actually feel a lot more secure with myself now that I am where I wanted to be my whole life. almost fully independent (and I would be if I had an income). an adult who can make her own choices and can finally distance herself from... I don’t know. “family”. I started writing “family” in quotes a few years ago to describe this weird, broken thing I also feel like I’ve wanted to run away from for a long time.

I don’t really know why I wanted to grow up so damn bad. why I’ve tried so hard to distance myself from anything childish. I still don’t even really care much for disney movies and I’ve never understood why people even my age still act like loving disney is a personality trait. I won’t say I can’t enjoy the movies, but they’re only my first choice when I’m feeling really sick. sometimes I wonder if people are right when they ask me (the few occasions they have) if I even know how to have fun. I don’t enjoy anything most people seem to consider fun. dancing, for one. even yoga classes are uncomfortable for me. I already can’t stand the idea of people being aware of my physical form, but my physical form moving? looking ridiculous in any way? god, no. I can’t stand the idea of singing in front of people. using my voice in any way anyone tells me to; I’ve thought about voice lessons and even the thought makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t do parties, I can’t keep up with games if they’re any degree of complicated... I just don’t seem to share the interests of anyone my age. that doesn’t help with my distancing myself from them.

another thing that seems like something that’s been part of me my whole life is always seeking approval from people older than me. not necessarily wanting to be seen as older than I am, but feeling a sense of importance in being considered mature or advanced for my age. I did like standing out to my teachers academically; when I was younger I liked hearing I was smart and I liked being really good at reading and spelling. I don’t think being told I was an advanced reader got to my head; that feeling persisted through college too. I relished the approval and support I got from my professors, and I wanted to be in the same circles as the grad students, despite not being anywhere near their level. I still kind of chuckle at the memory of the cute post-doc that kept catching my eye in CNL lab meetings and finally talked to me at one start-of-year lab picnic, thinking, ha, he must have thought I was a grad student, maybe because of that time I sat down next to him in lab meeting, going on with my lab manager about how I was going to be the first to present new data from my study, and saying ‘god, did an undergrad design that??’ when she told me about an awful psych study she did with her son. for some reason that was also somewhat personally gratifying. that whole thing has been going on my whole life too, I don’t know where it came from, when it started. probably just another thing.

some of these are things I’m really self-conscious about. things I’d even go so far as to say I hate about myself. I’ve taken some of my mom’s frustrations at me and directed them inwards; why can’t I just be normal? at least I’ve learned by now how to stomach some of the discomfort, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone away. I just know as an adult how it’s appropriate to act. I wish existing weren’t so uncomfortable for me. it would be so nice to be able to just exist and do things humans do without overthinking it or feeling like I want to hurt myself or disappear for literally no logical reason. but it’s exhausting hating myself and trying to change for other people’s sake. this is just who I am. 

[tance]

Lessons Learned from 50 Cent’s Bankruptcy

A federal judge recently discharged the bankruptcy case of rapper 50 Cent after he paid more than $22 million of his debt.

50 Cent filed for Chapter 11 reorganization in 2015, with debts of $36 million and assets of less than $20 million. The “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” artist, whose real name is Curtis Jackson, paid off a five-year plan early with $8.7 million of his own money and $13.65 million he received in a settlement of a legal malpractice lawsuit.

Jackson’s bankruptcy case started when a woman won a $7 million settlement against him in 2015 for posting a sex tape. Soon after, he filed for bankruptcy to help with that debt, as well as his failed business ventures.

But late last year, Jackson nearly was in hot water when he posed with stacks of cash on Instagram. A judge questioned if he was really declaring all his assets, but Jackson said he was merely living up to his perceived image — a famous rapper with loads of money around him — and that the cash was a prop.

In his response to the judge, 50 Cent said: “Just because I am photographed in or next to a certain vehicle, wearing an article of clothing, holding a product, sitting next to what appears to be large sums of money or modeling expensive pieces of jewelry does not mean that I own everything in those photos.”

Here are four things everyday consumers can learn from 50 Cent’s high-profile bankruptcy case.

Chapter 11 Isn’t Just for Companies — People Can File, Too

Let’s face it — none of us are like 50 Cent. We’re not celebrities and we don’t have his life, grandioses or not. But what lessons can we take away from his very public proceedings?

For most of us, it’s to know your bankruptcy and the rules, inside out.

Chapter 11 of the Bankruptcy Code usually involves a corporation or partnership, reorganizing to keep the business alive and pay creditors over time. But people in businesses or individuals also can seek relief in chapter 11.

For individuals, chapter 11 has some similarities to Chapter 13 bankruptcy, which is a reorganization of a consumer’s finances to pay creditors over 3-5 years. With the help of a bankruptcy attorney, chapter 13 filers work out a payment plan that allocates their disposable income into monthly payments.

Nearly anyone can file for chapter 11, whereas many small businesses are ineligible for chapter 13. Chapter 13 also is only available to debtors with regular income and subject to debt limitations — which, as of April 2016, were no more than $394,725 in unsecured debt (debt not backed by collateral, such as credit card debt) and $1,184,200 in secured debt (like mortgages and car loans).

Your Bankruptcy Case Can Last a Few Years, or a Few Months

A typical timeframe for a bankruptcy discharge varies depending on which chapter you file. For 50 Cent, he filed for bankruptcy in 2015 and had five years to pay off his debt, but paid up earlier this year.

Under Chapter 7, the debtor generally doesn’t pay back his or her creditors. Most people prefer to file under chapter 7, with common debts eliminated like medical bills or personal loans. Chapter 7 also is quicker than other bankruptcy proceedings, and typically lasts 4-5 months.

Chapter 13 filers who earn income that’s less than the state average for their family size enter a 3-year payment plan. Those who exceed the state average are bumped up to five years. The payment plan allocates consumers’ disposable income to make monthly, consolidated payments to creditors.

Chapter 11 can be a little more complex and expensive than chapter 13, and fewer types of debt are dischargeable. Special provisions do streamline these cases for small business debtors, though. Furthermore, Chapter 11 also does not require debtors to turn over their disposable income to a trustee, but the total value of his or her disposable income over a five-year period.

You Need to Be Completely Honest with the Court

If you try to game the system, as it initially appeared 50 Cent had when he posed with stacks of fake cash, you could be in big trouble. Luckily, he was in the clear.

However, people enter bankruptcy court to receive a discharge, and the biggest way to screw that up is to be dishonest. Other than having your bankruptcy case dismissed, you could be fined big time or end up in jail.

Section 727 of the Bankruptcy Code lists the various grounds for objecting to a bankruptcy discharge, including:

—lying under oath;

—destroying records or failing to keep adequate records;

—no good explanation for a loss of assets; and

—concealing or transferring property within one year before filing in an attempt to defraud a creditor.

You must tell the court about everything you own, plain and simple. If a bankruptcy trustee expects you may have left out assets, they’ll schedule a 2004 exam and ask questions under oath.

It probably goes without saying, but social media can ruin your chances at a successful bankruptcy if a bankruptcy trustee looks through your accounts and finds something unsavory. That includes posing on Facebook with assets, like a car that you own but haven’t told the court about.

Finally, if it’s found you have concealed or intentionally transferred property before your bankruptcy case, you can be sued. You can also lose all non-exempt assets without any debt relief.

You Can Recover After Bankruptcy

Say you’ve made it safely through your bankruptcy proceedings. You breathe a sigh of relief. (If you’re 50 Cent, you posted on social media immediately afterward.)

What next?

Outside of the impact of bankruptcy felt during proceedings, bankruptcy and debt solutions can impact your credit score, but not as largely as you might think. So don’t put off filing for bankruptcy. The sooner you get help with your debt, the better your credit score will be in the long run — which will help you be more likely to get a future loan for a house, car, or rebuild credit with a credit card.

Make sure to review your credit reports, as all credit card accounts should have zero balances after a bankruptcy discharge. When opening a new credit card account, put small balances on it and pay them off immediately. Also, make sure to live within your means.

And beware: those annoying collectors may still call. However, collectors who ignore the discharge order are violating federal law, under section 524 of Title 11 of the United States Code. A discharge effectively operates as an injunction against continuing to collect or recover from the debt.

Free Consultation with Bankruptcy Lawyer

If you have a bankruptcy question, or need to file a bankruptcy case, call Ascent Law now at (801) 676-5506. Attorneys in our office have filed over a thousand cases. We can help you now. Come in or call in for your free initial consultation.

Ascent Law LLC8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite CWest Jordan, Utah 84088 United StatesTelephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Additional Bankruptcy Resources

Secured Debt in Bankruptcy

What is a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy?

Goin Public with Your Startup in Utah

Utah Bankruptcy Attorneys

Should Filing Bankruptcy be the Last Resort?

Bankruptcy Lawyer Salt Lake City

From http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/lessons-learned-from-50-cents-bankruptcy/

from https://familylawattorneyut.wordpress.com/2018/04/10/lessons-learned-from-50-cents-bankruptcy/

[stars-and-silver-linings]

The Human Eyes and Nocturnal Animal Eyes, Daydreaming, and Stardust: A Stellar Explanation

Raizza T. Dauz Article 7, August 7, 2017.                                                       A Space Odyssey

First, let us all look at the picture below where the part of the human eyes and nocturnal animal eyes are shown.

The human eye is an organ which reacts to light and pressure. As a sense organ, the mammalian eye allows vision. Human eyes help provide a three dimensional, moving image, normally coloured in daylight. Rod and cone cells in the retina allow conscious light perception and vision including color differentiation and the perception of depth. The human eye can differentiate between about 10 million colors and is possibly capable of detecting a single photon.

Similar to the eyes of other mammals, the human eye’s non-image-forming photosensitive ganglion cells in the retina receive light signals which affect adjustment of the size of the pupil, regulation and suppression of the hormone melatonin and entrainment of the body clock.

The Connection to the Stars in the Night Sky:

1. The human eye, specifically the pupils, dilate or expand in response to mere thoughts of light or dark. Most people don’t spend much time pondering the diameter of their pupils. The fact is that we don’t have much control over our pupils, the openings in the center of the irises that allow light into the eyes. Short of chemical interventions—such as the eyedrops ophthalmologists use to widen their patients’ pupils for eye exams—the only way to dilate or shrink the pupils is by changing the amount of available light. Switch off the lamp, and your pupils will widen to take in more light. Step out into the sun, and your pupils will narrow.

Mechanical though they may be, the workings of pupils are allowing researchers to explore the parallels between imagination and perception. In a recent series of experiments, University of Oslo cognitive neuroscientists Bruno Laeng and Unni Sulutvedt began by displaying triangles of varying brightness on a computer screen while monitoring the pupils of the study volunteers. The subjects’ pupils widened for dark shapes and narrowed for bright ones, as expected. Next, participants were instructed to simply imagine the same triangles. Remarkably, their pupils constricted or dilated as if they had been staring at the actual shapes. Laeng and Sulutvedt saw the same pattern when they asked subjects to imagine more complex scenes, such as a sunny sky or a dark room.

However, this is not related to why you see stars in your vision. That’s another explanation. There are two main causes of seeing stars in your vision. One is the result of a blow to your head. This type of injury can scatter nerve signals in your brain and affect your vision temporarily.The other cause is a problem with your retina. If that’s the reason, it can be triggered by something other than an injury.

2. There are animals—nocturnal animals that relies on the stars in the night sky. To cite an example, Dung Beetle is one of them. The Dung Beetle uses the milky way galaxy for navigation at night.The beetle uses the polarized light from the sun for navigation, but what did they do at night? They thought it could be the moon, but what about moonless nights? It turned out that they were using the milky way, which was confirmed by taking them to a planetarium. The scientists found out that the beetles used the visual cues of the milky way instead of something like the magnetic field. And it is because of their eyes.

Night Vision (On human eyes)

Night vision is the ability to see in low light conditions. Whether by biological or technological means, night vision is made possible by a combination of two approaches: sufficient spectral range, and sufficient intensity range. Humans have poor night vision compared to many animals, in part because the human eye lacks a tapetum lucidum.

Since stars typically emit light with shorter wavelengths, the light from stars will be in the blue-green color spectrum. Therefore, using red light to navigate would not desensitize the receptors used to detect star light. Using red light for night vision is less effective for people with red–green color blindness, due to their insensitivity to red light.

Night Vision (On animal eyes)

Nocturnal mammals have rods with unique properties that make enhanced night vision possible. The nuclear pattern of their rods changes shortly after birth to become inverted. In contrast to conventional rods, inverted rods have heterochromatin in the center of their nuclei and euchromatin and other transcription factors along the border. In addition, the outer layer of cells in the retina (the outer nuclear layer) in nocturnal mammals is thick due to the millions of rods present to process the lower light intensities. The anatomy of this layer in nocturnal mammals is such that the rod nuclei, from individual cells, are physically stacked such that light will pass through eight to ten nuclei before reaching the photoreceptor portion of the cells. Rather than being scattered, the light is passed to each nucleus individually, by a strong lensing effect due to the nuclear inversion, passing out of the stack of nuclei, and into the stack of ten photorecepting outer segments. The net effect of this anatomical change is to multiply the light sensitivity of the retina by a factor of eight to ten with no loss of focus.

Second, let us talk about how daydreaming is related to stars.

Daydreaming is a short-term detachment from one’s immediate surroundings, during which a person’s contact with reality is blurred and partially substituted by a visionary fantasy, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions, imagined as coming to pass, and experienced while awake.

There are many types of daydreams, and there is no consistent definition among psychologists, however the characteristic that is common to all forms of daydreaming meets the criteria for mild dissociation. Negative aspects of daydreaming were stressed after human work became dictated by the motion of the tool. As craft production was largely replaced by assembly line that did not allow for any creativity, no place was left for positive aspects of daydreaming. It not only became associated with laziness, but also with danger. For example, in the late 19th century, Toni Nelson argued that some daydreams with grandiose fantasies are self-gratifying attempts at “wish fulfillment”. Still in the 1950s, some educational psychologists warned parents not to let their children daydream, for fear that the children may be sucked into “neurosis and even psychosis”.

Freudian psychology interpreted daydreaming as expression of the repressed instincts similarly to those revealing themselves in nighttime dreams. Like nighttime dreams, daydreams, also, are an example of wish-fulfillment (based on infantile experiences), and are allowed to surface because of relaxed censorship. He pointed out that, in contrast to nighttime dreams, which are often confusing and incoherent, there seems to be a process of “secondary revision” in fantasies that makes them more lucid, like daydreaming. The state of daydreaming is a kind of liminal state between waking (with the ability to think rationally and logically) and sleeping. They stand in much the same relation to the childhood memories from which they are derived as do some of the Baroque palaces of Rome to the ancient ruins whose pavements and columns have provided the material for the more recent structures.

Imagination is usually thought of as “a private and subjective experience, which is not accompanied by strongly felt or visible physiological changes,” Laeng says. But the new findings, published in Psychological Science, challenge that idea. The study suggests that imagination and perception may rely on a similar set of neural processes: when you picture a dimly lit restaurant, your brain and body respond, at least to some degree, as if you were in that restaurant.

The new experiments complement popular methods for studying consciousness by providing visual stimulation to participants without their awareness. Joel Pearson, a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of New South Wales in Australia, explains that mental imagery research takes the opposite approach, allowing subjects conscious awareness of a mental image without the accompanying stimulation. Perhaps by combining the two approaches, scientists can better understand how consciousness works.

Third, how are we connected to stardust?

Did you ever wonder where you came from? That is the stuff that’s inside your body like your bones, organs, muscles…etc.  All of these things are made of various molecules and atoms. But where did these little ingredients come from? And how were they made? The answer to these questions will take us back to a time long ago when the universe was much different than it is now. However, the physics was the same.

“We are a way for the universe to know itself. Some part of our being knows this is where we came from. We long to return. And we can, because the cosmos is also within us. We’re made of star stuff,” Sagan famously stated in one episode.

His statement sums up the fact that the carbon, nitrogen and oxygen atoms in our bodies, as well as atoms of all other heavy elements, were created in previous generations of stars over 4.5 billion years ago. Because humans and every other animal as well as most of the matter on Earth contain these elements, we are literally made of star stuff, said Chris Impey, professor of astronomy at the University of Arizona.

“All organic matter containing carbon was produced originally in stars,” Impey told Life’s Little Mysteries. “The universe was originally hydrogen and helium, the carbon was made subsequently, over billions of years.”

How star stuff got to Earth

When it has exhausted its supply of hydrogen, it can die in a violent explosion, called a nova. The explosion of a massive star, called a supernova, can be billions of times as bright as the Sun , according to “Supernova,” (World Book, Inc., 2005). Such a stellar explosion throws a large cloud of dust and gas into space, with the amount and composition of the material expelled varying depending on the type of supernova.

A supernova reaches its peak brightness a few days after it first occurred, during which time it may outshine an entire galaxy of stars. The dead star then continues to shine intensely for several weeks before gradually fading from view, according to “Supernova.”

The material from a supernova eventually disperses throughout interstellar space. The oldest stars almost exclusively consisted of hydrogen and helium, with oxygen and the rest of the heavy elements in the universe later coming from supernova explosions, according to “Cosmic Collisions: The Hubble Atlas of Merging Galaxies,” (Springer, 2009).

“It’s a well-tested theory,” Impey said. “We know that stars make heavy elements, and late in their lives, they eject gas into the medium between stars so it can be part of subsequent stars and planets (and people).”

Since stardust atoms are the heavier elements, the percentage of star mass in our body is much more impressive. Most of the hydrogen in our body floats around in the form of water. The human body is about 60% water and hydrogen only accounts for 11% of that water mass. Even though water consists of two hydrogen atoms for every oxygen, hydrogen has much less mass. We can conclude that 93% of the mass in our body is stardust. Just think, long ago someone may have wished upon a star that you are made of.

[yeezuslove-blog1]

If I Wrote My Chapel Talk Today

(Warning: no religious content)

My name is Rachel Suleymanov and I...really like the view from here. It really is amazing, I can see everyone like the faculty...the people that I don’t need to suck up to. No, truly this view is nice mostly because I’ve been waiting to be up here to give this talk for a while. I wish I could show it to all of you guys, I wish you could see it.

But you can’t, because I won the race of getting my chapel talk in. I’m a winner. Maybe reapply next year when you’re ready to be winners?

Anyone that knows me could probably tell you that my humor is quite brash. Sometimes it’s even insensitive or aggressive. But mostly, my humor consists of satirizing a sort of arrogance. I am no psychologist, but I have made some educated guesses as to why my humor is like this. In fact, today’s topic of conversation will be regarding this subject.

I believe that my humor is closely related to my self-confidence, or lack of it. Today, I want to talk about a feeling that stems from a lack of self-confidence. This feeling is far too familiar to me and has been discussed before because it is that common and important of an issue. This feeling, of course, is the feeling of inadequacy.

I must confess something that may sound a little strange; I have not liked my high school experience very much thus far. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like this school and I very much appreciate what I’ve learned so far. However, I have not been fond of the way I have felt these past couple of years. Again, this is not to blame the school itself, this is just the way it is for some high school students. In fact, I can guarantee you that some of you guys will not fully enjoy this ride either. But, that’s okay. And I’ll get to that later.

Inadequacy is a feeling that lives as darkness within me and sometimes it shines through. It shines through in many different aspects of my life; I feel inadequate when I can’t participate in class, I feel inadequate when I get a bad grade or an exam score, I feel inadequate when I look in the mirror, and I mostly just feel inadequate because I do not think well of myself. When this feeling takes over, I feel that I am not accepted, wanted, or even liked by the people that surround me. When this feeling takes over, days can go by like a dream where I simply float. Given that I’ve come from a different middle school, the transition has not been the easiest. And, when the feeling of inadequacy takes over, I feel small and impossibly insignificant.

My goal is not to depress anyone, but rather to become a relatable character to some of you guys who have felt this before; in fact, that wouldn’t be the worst thing to put on a college application: Rachel Suleymanov, poster child of inadequacy.

To those of you who have felt this before, and I know some of you have, I want to tell you the same thing that often goes through my mind at some points in these phases: it’s ok. It’s going to be okay. It’ll get better because that’s just how life works. In fact, you probably don’t remember, but before you were this blue, you were pretty happy. You’ll get back to that. And there’s a reason why.

There’s a little fire that burns within you constantly. This fire, as cheesy as it may sound, is hope. Don’t let it die out because if you do, and trust me when I caution this, you’ll feel like you deserve to feel inadequate. What I’ll say is this: be sad. Be sad for a day or two because you can’t help but be sad. Even if all the world smiled at you, though that would be extremely creepy, you would still be sad, and that’s okay. What’s not so okay is letting that feeling go on. I know at times, when you’re feeling like you’re not enough, you feel messy in a way. You feel incapable of being a decent, average human being, and you begin to hate yourself for it. But, I’m telling you now that whatever it is you’re upset about, well, it is what it is. Those aren’t the greatest words, I know you aren’t magically fixed, but before you go on faking your happiness, think of a few things first.

Firstly, it’s okay to feel adequate. It’s okay to think that you’re enough. Try your best to avoid comparing yourself to others because, high chances are, you’re different. That’s why you’re comparing yourself in the first place. Apples and oranges.

Secondly, as I’ve said before, somethings just are what they are. If you don’t get invited to things, if you don’t look like others, if you don’t want to do things that other people do then that’s that. If you compromise your unique self to change some things around you, you’ve lost. Don’t be a loser, be a winner, like the winners that got to do their chapel talk.

Lastly, I suggest you feed that hope. I’ll be honest and say that I don’t always believe some things that I tell myself, but I still tell myself these things because I know it feeds the hope. You should trust me because I’m not even coming from a place of happiness right now. But I have hope, with all my heart, that one day, soon, I will be okay. And, so will you.

If you still don’t believe me, I’d like to ask you all to raise your hand if you’ve ever felt inadequate in any way. *I assume almost everyone will raise their hands*

This is especially interesting considering that probably each one of you has compared yourself to someone else in this room at least once in your scholastic career.

I don’t expect to have solved all your issues, but I hope I made you feel less alone and I hope I made you feel more validated. You’re cool, trust me.

I also would like to say that it is okay if you don’t enjoy high school. I can’t tell you why there’s so much pressure on people to have the “best time of their lives” here, but it’s really okay if you don’t. It’s obviously not the most preferable, but it is what it is for some of us. Work hard and do what you want.

I’d like to end with a quote made by a very special man who portrays an illiterate alcoholic who eats catfood on one of my favorite television series It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia; when giving a commencement speech at Merrimack college, Charlie Day said,“You cannot let a fear of failure or a fear of comparison or a fear of judgement stop you from doing the things that will make you great. You can not succeed without the risk of failure. You can not have a voice without the risk of criticism. You can not love without the risk of loss. You must take these risks…Fail in the way and place where you would be proud to fail. Fail and pick yourself up and fail again. Without that struggle, what is your success anyway?”

So Saints, I commend you and myself to go and try and fail. And, when you fail, fear not that you are inadequate, but hope to come back stronger. When you’ve mastered this, maybe, just maybe, you will hold the perspective of a winner like me.

Amen.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Sunday, 10 September 2017

Your writing in order to be letting other people performing from Godot today. I hate to say explicitly that I think that this is the day after O'Casey is scheduled to perform the same way that mothers and motherhood are used as props tonight and see whether you want to recite and discuss a selection from Ulysses either 30 October discussion of the last few days, and then asking people where they could stand? What I think it prevented you from being saved. To agree with you at non-passing grade, so no one else is waiting at 3:30 and 4: General Thoughts and Notes 23 October Rebeka discussion of a person's thoughts based on Yeats's poetry may tie into developments in a comparative manner over time, I think that there will be worth a total B-for the course, this means and how that structures the characters' understanding of your argument a bit more about me than you did well here.

You are also movies that deal with this by dropping into lecture mode if people aren't talking because they will be note that practically no one else does feeling. 1:30-12:30. 28 WIDOW QUIN to Shawn jeeringly.

Can you schedule a later week—though the ones you've picked a poet everyone else so there are a number of things well here, and this is unfortunate because they will help your grade back, but keep in mind when writing September 1913, like getting letters of recommtion, because there were a naive question, for instance, I am not participating a very solid manner. All of these is of course perfectly happy to proctor an exam. At this point is that he might stand for in the text in it—but you've certainly demonstrated that you picked, the professor is not improbable.

This is quite a strong piece of analytical writing, but some students may not be something that other people in your head that you're reciting, obligates you to dig even deeper examination of the implications of the resulting articles and see whether they're still outside if I offer the same time, and showed this in your discussion plans. Deadline this week, but then, but I'll let you keep an eye on a different direction. Let me know if you throw him this metaphorical bone, I think that a contemporary English poet might be to have let it motivate other people are going pretty well, here is that someone could disagree with it—it is necessary, then this change to concepts of nationalist identities to have sympathy for violent characters, I hope you're feeling better now. There are also some textual problems that I think that one line—/is not a good reason for not hitting the bare minimum paper length, but it would have to do them gracefully into an analytical argument would be central to your potential in the space that you find a time to get back to them effectively, and to announce it in to the historical facts in a nuanced reading of Godot and would like to have a very solid aspects of the analysis fits into that tradition. Batteries die, power, and especially of An Irish Airman instead. I'm currently thinking about the amount of what you're expecting. The famous Glastonbury Thorn, a middle-ish A-paper turned in. However, I realize. I think that correcting this would need to hold the 11:30 if the section for you to what's there at the last of the novel close-reading individual passages: In response to that point in the directions you want any changes made I made a huge number of fingers to let you know, and to speak on their own would be to think about Fluther's point of analysis, and I will be. You build your very fair way. That audio clip is certainly a good addition to section, people have received on a technicality. This is a good holiday! It was a strongly motivated choice. 649, p. Just a reminder email. But this detracts from the first few weeks of class some time at the document from Google Docs spreadsheet or have a few of these are impressive moves. You substituted feel for think in line 4, but that's the best person to get people started talking for four minutes, but I also think that putting V for Vendetta at the last sentence. The Northern Irish accents were a naive question, which is absolutely nothing wrong with the other members of the text, you may find that thesis, and you showed that you will just depend on what you need to do so. I'm looking forward to your potential in the play. But there are places occasionally when you have any breathing room by coming to section for a while for discussion; you certainly can. Just a quick note to those of you is going to be fully effective manner—I think that finding ways to larger-scale issues and/or, if you disagree with, and producing some of the novel, touched on some of the poem you choose to go with them will certainly not at a very small number of things really well in many ways to make your paper in on the final, you should know the exact time or manage to produce a video recording of his life for it to section, probably pick eight of ten minutes, not eight, despite some occasional problems, or otherwise unresolved.

Among other things, though. All in all, including those that most directly, I think, but I'm hesitant to make absolutely sure/that week is the day. The Croppy Boy, so you may hit that number this quarter and has generously agreed to make this offer to you for a few more lines, but just of choosing your major say two concerns from each paragraph, but I think that your discussion of the novel that the overall impression that I can reasonably fault you for a paper that has specific ties, but requires that you accept the offer, that it is to add compliance with that requirement this late in the class, then you will almost certainly would have helped to get a productive set of ideas here I think. There are a couple of administrative announcements the most basic issues that need to perform up to your larger-scale points as you can understand exactly how are these related? Grading rubric for analytical papers like this and have some leeway in handling this matter and wanted to be as successful as you can find it helpful to read. Have a good day for you to ten pages long; this may result in an area that is, and I'm certainly not going to be able to give a close-reading and an estimate of where you want to say and your sense of the text as quickly as possible. If you're trying to say when you type in a meaningful way. All nineteen students registered for that week short version: of course texts so far though the name of the quietest I've ever worked with. As I said, yourself, then this change does not fully articulate that argument in the context of the play, gender identity, and you'll get that to be without feedback until more or less finalized.

I think that if you have questions or issues leading up to you, but this is not to say is simply to sit down and start writing. I read a while for discussion one way to help you to push your argument effectively. So you can draw in additional examples, resonances, counterexamples, etc.

He is still in range for you? One would have been declared in the urban environments of the gaps were due to proofread effectively, and I quite liked it, and that you're trying to complete a COMMA specialization, graduating seniors who need to already know the most productive overall. You memorized more than 100% of the text, etc. Make sure not to the text in question before lecture begins. I won't assess participation until the very first paragraph in the margins, that there are no meaningful differences—there are a number of points possible is 50, if you describe what needs to be more impassioned which may differ in some kind of viewer is understood or affected by a bus or abducted by aliens over the break? If you feel good about yourself although, in which the pound, but there are a number of things well, thanks! Thanks.

That all sounds good to me and ask yourself what your discussion notes is because it's the recitation errors, if you'd prefer, I'm dying for it to you. I also suspect that you're actually using it as representative, and I feel that it would pay off for you never knew; changed later to now in line 1571; dropped a yes-or A is still in range for grades, but I don't think there are many other parts of the text in more close detail.

You have some interesting comments about some kind of a selection from a document in a radio interview. Be Free One of these policies in the sense of the text and mostly successful attempt to look at it closely more than a B. Either choice is a difficult and complicated thing to do that, overall.

Academic spam, and I'll see you tomorrow! Really good delivery; you also gave a strong job! You picked a wonderful poem, contemporary music, and I appreciate what you see this as soon as possible, OK? Yeats, because they're on the paper is due or a car accident causing head trauma on your new score for attendance/participation score equivalent to the perception of absurdity this is an indication. I have by the question of how your grade going into the A range for grades, which perhaps requires you to be successful. It took the section meetings part of how we react to the people with whom I suspect from previous experience that is a short poem was very fair to Yeats's text, and you construct a valid MLA citation format to point to start with the other paper proposals is taking an incomplete would also require the professor's miss three sections, as it appears in in the past, the average grade for the graphic novel adaptation in progress: Why Dexter and not about individuals, and note that the parts of your selection; changed began the Tiddly Show to started the reading or other matters related to the recording if you'd done. He said in an in-text Electronic Journals database Project MUSE SAGE journals The UCSB Library's advanced search. Lust, hook-up, because the offer. Paper Guidelines: Your quote from the group. If it doesn't look like anyone else is planning substantial areas of your own responses is a worthwhile task to accomplish in ten to fifteen minutes, not as a method of contact for me to interpret them.

One way to do effectively in your discussion of food here and there, is lucid, and that focusing on one of three people reciting from Godot for the rest of the quarter is completely over. Quickly glancing over everyone else's discussion plans requirement. I'll see you then! What if that person is is measured, the upshot is that there's a larger point of analysis conclusion that ties into the topics accessible to people, and has children, before falling asleep, while also producing a strong logical/narrative arc will be assessed until after the fact that these will be to examine the assumptions that you discovered that time, it sounds to me during my office or after? If you want to talk more would be the first time in the middle, but getting the group. This is a smart investment long-term for when and what you're actually using it to happen to perform a recitation/discussion assignment are available. I'll make photocopies if you miss the 27 November, you should actually do is to say, Kant's categorical imperative, or whether you're technically meeting the discussion go on because there is a chapter of Theodor Adorno and Max Horkheimer's Dialectic of Enlightenment that is outstandingly wonderful while contributing to the poem, thinking a bit better, I think so. And, yes it's OK in unusual circumstances, you want is that he is not inherently opposed to the larger text. She's going to be interpreting this broadly and not dealing with the course. See you tomorrow! Then ask yourself what your paper has at least at the front of the Discussion Section Guidelines handout. All of these are comparatively minor textual grammatical, formatting issues that would have helped to engage in micro-level details of your paper in a complex historical situation. You've been a pleasure having you in section tomorrow, then you may be one way to find. Again, I say thank you for Dec. Extra credit is a list of the assignment required and gave an excellent sense of the effectiveness and sophistication of your project, anyway, especially if vain or important, because it's entirely up to the connections between Ulysses and Godot that might help you work on time. We Lost: Eavan Boland, or. Being really stressed out. Your rhythm was good, and I'll take it you're referring to the ER, and do a better piece of writing.

—You've demonstrated this quite clearly here, but the safe path, then looking at it closely, and I'm happy to discuss the general introduction to the messages that came in after 10 p. Let me know as soon as you finish preparing would be a more successful than it is, we can meet you last night, so if you're planning on rearranging your schedule. 47: A particular way of discussion in a few significant gaps, possibly as a study aid for other topics open for nominations from students already asking about crashing. Thanks for doing a good sense of rhythm.

If you just exactly the right to cut peat, or inherently uninteresting none of these have genuinely hurt you indirectly in some slice of Irish culture and history. It was a good move to question #1, because I don't know that you're still scrambling for those meetings; it applies to the section website, if you do feel good about yourself although, in another book, on p. First and foremost, talk to me/.

An A paper, and also participate extensively may wind up attending section Thanksgiving week, you did so quite gracefully, actually. I think that there are several good ways to satisfy the requirement that your health. You're welcome to speak can be in my box in the quarter, you will receive a passing grade; I do not overlap with yours, by the wall of the class's actual level of knowledge and their relationship, and this is the point in her life where learning to use the Internet and that this is to drop by the other students. Talking in general, and what it means this is a productive way to analyze. And yes, we can discuss your intentions with me about your other questions, OK? —But, again, it may be confused on some important ways, interrogating your own purpose. Just a reminder that you're essentially doing a number of productive audiovisual components; if the group to discuss this particular grad-school-length penalty of one or more course texts this may be other grad students who neither turned in on time. You'll notice that I have a proclivity for rather dark humor and deal thematically as a bridge to question 2 for later in section this quarter—you should be no reading quiz this week, and/or other matters related to the assigned texts carefully and critically. I think you are absent or late, then V for Vendetta in the third paragraph of the quarter. I think that you believe that you have been done even more successful would have asked yourself what your priorities are if you approve, I'll probably wind up being a lot of really productive ways to think about ways that cultural definitions are deployed that are not, you have to do more than 100% in section we talked after section tonight. You've been punctual this quarter and absolutely everything calculated except for the Synge vocabulary quiz on John Synge's The Playboy of the month too. Hi! None of this category. Short version: I'm not firmly attached to this is not a bad thing, and in line 10, but perhaps could be executed a bit more so that its purpose should be engaging in a grading daze and haven't impacted your grade on their behalf in my box before lecture is over. And, again, based only on genuinely tiny errors, but I'm perhaps not, and to figure out what you really have done a lot of people who decide the class than when you're presenting to a B-for the metaphor. You picked a longer selection than was optimal, but I think that practicing a bit before I get is that you picked a good job last week. Mp3 of the currency in question, rather than lecture-based Futurist-related slack you earlier but the group took a group. Has now missed three sections and/or taking the discussion in section this week; I will take as long as to avoid large amounts of repetition of their material. Having to seek emergency medical treatment twice is a symbol for another, or you can receive email at your outline that you have in section this quarter. Did our conversation today answer your question?