#and that everyone is capable of transforming themselves and starting from scratch and being happy

[yoojinluv]

[toadstoolgardens]

25 Tips for Permaculture Living

Permaculture is a design system and approach that challenges us to engage in whole systems thinking to create a better world and a worthwhile, kick-ass life. These are just ideas, shape your permaculture plans to fit your life & community.

The 3 Ethics of Permaculture: Earth Care, People Care, Fair Share.

1. Grow food. Even just a little. A sprawling garden, a raised bed, and a little pot of basil in a windowsill are all accomplishments. Growing that food creates a relationship with the soil, the weather, and the ecosystem. It slows us down, increases our resilience, and helps us eat where we are.

2. Chop & gather wood. If you are able where you live, take responsibility for your fuel needs. I live in a rural area so this is feasible for me, but these skills can also be utilized on camping trips/when using fire pits/etc. Learn to gather wood regeneratively and how to cure, stack, and chop it. Use as little as possible in a well-kept woodstove and return the charcoal to the Earth as biochar.

3. Minimize. Pare down your closet, your kitchen appliances, your shopping trips, the number of devices you own, anything you recognize you have/do in surplus. Being happy with less is powerful, it increases gratitude and lessens want.

4. Catch and store water. If it's legal where you live to do so, catch rainwater. This can be done in many ways, for many reasons. To pump the water as the pressurized water in your home or to water your gardens and landscape. Recycled plastic rain barrels are a simple and inexpensive way to collect and store free rainwater.

5. Eat together. Slow down and eat with the ones you love, just eating, talking, and being. Give each other and the nourishment on your plate your undivided attention.

6. Buy secondhand. Commit to buying as much as you can secondhand. This slows down impulse purchasing and hugely lessens the impact of your purchase. You'll also likely end up with a higher quality item and a great deal! Since secondhand items already exist, no production is needed, no new footprint is created, better for everyone. There are online secondhand shops too if you're looking for something specific you can't find locally.

7. Stop shopping at big supermarkets. Avoid them as much as possible! They're full of plastic packaging, processed foods, and the illusion of choice. Almost every product on supermarket shelves is owned by one of 10 companies, and they certainly aren't environmentally friendly ones. For food, make basics from scratch and source whole foods from locally owned farms, markets, co-ops, and shops. Online resources like Vitacost and the Package Free Shop are great for healthier options you might not find locally.

8. Reuse all nutrients. Compost all you can. Kitchen scraps, garden scraps, yard clippings, tree prunings, charcoal & ash from the fire, and urine and manure can all be returned to the Earth and transformed.

9. Pack your lunch. We all love takeout, but packing your own meal to take with you saves money, eliminates waste, and can be eaten anywhere! Eat your lunch in the park, the woods, up a tree, get to know your local nature spaces while you eat.

10. Make your own bread. Bread is one of our most beloved basic foods. Baking it yourself will nourish you better, save money, eliminate packaging, learn a new skill, and use whole ingredients instead of mystery ingredients and preservatives in many store-bought breads.

11. Swap your gym workout for gardening. Keeping healthy and fit is so important and if you're able, working in the garden is amazing exercise. Turn a compost pile, dig a garden bed, pull weeds, prune trees, pot seedlings, chop wood, or go walking in nature and enjoy the wild garden she provides. All deeply useful tasks, a great workout, and fresh air too! Forest bathing, being and basking in nature, is extremely healthy for our bodies and minds.

12. Minimize meat. Purchase meats from local farmers & butchers and don't support factory farming whenever possible. Appreciate and respect the animal nourishing you, use every bit of the meat you purchase.

13. Take the train. If you have to take a long trip, consider the train over flying. One trip on a plane generates about 300kg of CO2, taking the rain generates 10x less. It's slower, sure, but you can relax, read, nap, enjoy the scenery, and reduce emissions.

14. Support community. In every way: shop local, eat local, support your local food bank when you have surplus, volunteer in the community, help out at the community garden, teach your neighbors a skill. Show up for your community's pollinators by caring for local lands, planting native species, and encouraging others to do so. If you're already a gardener, start a crop swap if there isn't one. Give where you can, help where you can, engage where you live.

15. Keep bees. Bees are beautiful to watch, they provide our gardens and local landscape with pollination, and provide you with honey and wax. The millions of flowers and incredible effort involved in each jar of honey garners a great appreciation for sweetness and the work of bees.

16. Sleep well. It really does make a huge difference in our moods, health, and energy we're capable of putting into the day.

17. Live small. Living in a small house means less heating, cleaning, furniture, energy costs, and housing costs. A small home also makes for an intimate space to spend time together.

18. Work for yourself when you can. Growing food and being involved in the non-monetary economy of growing, swapping, sharing, foraging, reusing is so good for our health and everyday happiness.

19. Forage wild food. If you live somewhere with natural spaces that aren't sprayed with chemicals, there's probably free food all around you. Foraging is a great way to fill your belly with seasonal freshness, for FREE! Each season offers it's own special goodies, so you also learn to live with the seasons and connect to your local nature in a new way. Be sure to positively identify all species before you consume anything!

20. Take care of your ecosystem. You are a steward of the land and every little bit helps. Pick up trash and plastic when you're out. If you own property, manage your land. Volunteer for clean ups, water testing, gardening projects. Manage invasive species if you find them and are able. Plant native species and species for pollinators. Anything, truly anything helps.

21. Build forts & tree houses. If you have space, a collaborative building project using recycled/gathered materials teaches us lots of skills and helps us appreciate everything it takes just to keep a basic roof over our heads. Plus you'll also have a nice hideaway in nature to enjoy.

22. Grow beans. Love you, beans! They improve the soil, can be grown as climbers even if you have limited space, and can be eaten fresh, frozen, or dried (which store for years, increasing resilience). Beans are self pollinating which makes saving seeds easy and they're one of the most climate-adaptable plant proteins you can grow.

23. Pass it on. Share abundance! Produce, clothing, knowledge, skills, eggs, yarn, anything. Pass it on, pay it forward, share your excess, it's a gift to both your community and yourself.

24. Share skills. A skilled community is able to look after themselves and each other. Are you a great cook? Host a cooking party and teach your friends to make their own yogurt. Love starting seeds? Hold a seed starting workshop outside your local library. It doesn't have to be complex or fancy, just have heart. Which you already have, so you're perfect. Skill shares build confidence, knowledge, and community.

25. Rise up. Silence = violence. Permaculture is about doing as little harm as possible and using our time on Earth to do the best we can, with our hands and our voices. Speak up, show up, rise up. Work for the world you want, not just the garden you want.

Keep Learning: Source

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

[ralfstrashcan]

3x21 Reaction / Commentary

I was seriously wondering if this was Alec because Magnus loss = melt down = shaky fingers but Alec would never voluntarily drink something so pretentious. But uuhhh I had thought Jonathan angry-flapped through the rift to Edom? Why he now here still?

More seelie queen crown, yeah!!

Not buying that whole “your demon blood is burning away your humanity” because, again, he lived years without being bonded to Clary so what's taken that “transformation” so long? Also, will he become like, a raven? A harpy? Oh no, I saw the promo. He'll be blond. Makes sense.

He just showed that he's not interested, stop harassing him you sick cougar.

Uhhhhh, objection your honor. That fake blade only contained like three atoms of the original Glorious. But whatever, details amiright.

Also if they wanna tell me it's the blade that triggered the transformation then a) wtf why would a blade designed to break something evil make the evil actually MORE evil wtf for a shit equipment is that b) can we expect some ridic changes for Clary too, that make her even more Mary Sue? c) if Lucifer was so badass, where is he? Something killed him, maybe? Since Jonathan is declared most uniquest thing to ever unique?

“A splendid pet bird. And he died a few decades back so I'd like to recruit you as replacement,. Whatcha say? I'll even drop bird themed pick up lines around you all day.” God I'm making myself sick.

BS when you think about it, because every individual is unique. Good luck salvaging the climate change and what not, seelie queen, on your heroic quest to preserve all that is unique.

#rejected, take that you prowling predator. Can you believe she annoyed him so much he just abandoned his pretentious cream drink thingy? So rude. Also nice touch that they remembered that thing with the flowers and Jonathan making them poor flowers wilt. Btw would that have worked if they were plastic flowers?? Haha ok sorry.

Wtf I'm very much not on board with the seelie queen having a weird Jonathan fetish. Also, if the sole reason she has it is that Jonathan is “one of a kind” then I wonder why she wasn't ruthlessly hitting on Simon the same way? Or technically, before Simon became a daylighter, on Cain, getting him to leave the sewers and chill in the seelie realm instead?

1) Wow can you believe they managed to spare Malec's drama 3 seconds of consideration before getting absorbed in themselves again? Amazing. 2) Dude, you weren't in control of your actions while Clary was brainwashed and very much in control of her actions. That's not really comparable? But whatever.

Some great “love” you've got going on there, Maryse, writing Magnus off after, what? Half a day? Two days? Smh.

???????????????????? So they want to tell me Magnus plastered his magic like a bandaid over the rift but didn't really close it? Well, I am prepared with outrage to point out all the ways in which this is bullshit.

1) There clearly was no such thing to be seen from the other side.

Since Edom and Earth are two different dimensions and on Earth's side there was no rift in the dimension's fabric anymore that obviously means if the wraiths slipped through that Edom crack they'd either be lost in limbo or flapping around in some inter-dimesional space. But they couldn't reach Earth. So I fail to see how this is a problem.

2) How the hell do the NY Shadowhunters know about this? Since from their side the rift was well and truly closed? They don't know that Magnus has to keep his magical band-aid in place? The only thing they have to wonder about is why the hell Magnus hasn't returned yet since Magnus proved in 3x20 that apparently interdimensional travel works with normal warlock portals and those fancy pentagram things aren't necessary.

3) Uhhhh if Magnus has to stay there to keep up the magical band-aid (since exit options clearly aren't the issue here) wtf won't he tire at some point? Am I supposed to believe exhausting isn't a thing in Edom? What happens if he has to sleep? (Sidenote, what the hell do they eat in Edom anyway? Will he have to roast some shax demons? Disturbing.) Anyway back to the topic at hand, if I'm supposed to believe that Magnus is THAT strong he can keep up this magic (a magic that was so enormous he couldn't even achieve it from Earth) for eternity without taking a break, then I doubly don't get why he can't just SEAL the goddamn rift?! And don't tell me it's because band-aid magic is something he can do, and different from  rift sealing magic which is something he can't do. Because again, 2x20 is a thing where Magnus proves that he is capable of sealing a rift; so the only explanation of why he didn't do it in 3x20 is because the rift was too powerful. Now correct me if I'm wrong but to me Magnus + Enhanced Edom Powers equals He Closes The Rift, not Weird Band-Aid Magic. Wtf.

HAHAHAH I CAN'T!!!!! THANKS MAGNUS FOR POINTING THIS OUT!!! AND IN THE SASSIEST WAY POSSIBLE!!!!! IT'S BEEN BUGGING ME SINCE 3x10 XD XD XD

Love that shot.

1) Thanks, Lilith, for confirming that Magnus is in fact constantly supplying the band-aid with magic and thus exposing this whole plot line as completely frakkin illogical. 2) Wtf Lilith, why the heck did you go back to Edom in 3x16 if you wanted to murder Jonathan????? IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL WTF 3) Where tf is Cain?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T

Wow that escalated quickly. I hate that even though Magnus knows it's just a trick to get into his head it still hurts him, because this is how he is: alwasy second-guessing his worth. He deserves better from all of them, deserves more from them, so he wouldn't feel this so keenly.

Ok, good save, I was just gearing up for a rage about why the hell Magnus is more powerful than the literal mother of demons who could defeat everyone, even with his Ddom-Edition-Powers because come on. However, Magnus must know that this is just a temporal solution because recovering means at some point she'll be recovered and, well.

Also, this shot haha.

Hahahaha I see he inherited the hell puns from Asmodeus along with the real estate XD

I mean, yeah, and then he acted like a total fool in his last few days. Great way to go, man. #stillbitter

“People mattered to Jordan. People, their troubles, their pain...”

That was sweet.

HAHAHAHA THAT WAS HILARIOUS

Probably off to do something to enrage me, so same as always.

Oh look, he's robbing a bakery because being jobless and needing food doesn't mix well.

OMG I SUDDENLY REMEMBER THIS FROM THE 3B TRAILER. You know, Luke being all creepy in the back of a car? Wtf, honestly I think I'll have even less patience for Human!Luke than I have Inapt!Werewolf!Luke. They're really testing me.

“....like Sizzy” Hahahah okay I'll try to behave myself. And I had time to prepare, it was obvious they'd use that inspirational thing Maia said for Sizzy purposes.

Yeah...... #irony #obviously me behaving myself isn't working out, who's surprised? I'm not.

Don't they have fire extinguishers in the Institute somewhere? I mean, there's regulations for that, right? Lemme guess, that's remnants of the Glorious fake sword that pierced her? And now she can't be with Simon without killing him, hahaha, all Sizzy problems solved XD

When I saw this (in the Sneak Peek, but still counts) my first thought was “Aha NOW he tries to find a solution but when Magnus first lost his magic he couldn't be bothered RUDE ALEC WTF” lol ahahahah

Question time: 1) Didn't he have plants in there last episode?

OH RIGHT HE HAD!!! What happened to them? *Sherlock Voice* Did he eat them??

2) Why didn't Alec wonder where the hell Lorenzo was? Sure, he's a little preoccupied atm with losing Magnus, but he should have realized Lorenzo was weirdly absent about five hours into his happy little loft occupation???

3) I fully expected the scratching to be Chameleon!Lorenzo vying for attention, but seeing it, omg my heart broke a little. Can you imagine the desperation?? Poor evil lizard baby.

You know, I find it inherently troubling that Alec assumes Magnus always had this lizard and has only now decided to relocate its terrarium into the loft's main room, instead of thinking Magnus got the lizard as, idk, a pick-me-up after the breakup. I mean, what kind of lousy pet holder does he take Magnus for? Not even mentioning he has one, never taking care of it? That's not Magnus. Alec should know better.

Als Bohemian so incisively pointed out, why would he have created a pet cobra that he calls “baby” if he hated reptiles? And while, granted, Alec might not know about this, I believe Cat should. So wtf.

.....................................they honestly felt the need to tell her this? In grave detail and that this was their first kiss? Why would they do that?? Or did she look at the tapes??? So many questions.

Lol okay I didn't even intend to be so spot on with the Sizzy prediction. More importantly though, she won't be able to shadowhunt anymore.

Why is anyone (except Magnus (and occasionally Alec)) left in charge of anything, ever. *sigh*

But I mean, at least there's this

Small mercies (aka comedic pockets in a vast sea of illogic shit) I guess XD

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA I AM DEAD I CAN'T HAHAHAH HIS FACE!!!!!!!!!!

Jace is me, I am Jace

So.... many....... questions...............

Okay, so I'm severely confused. If this demon has info on what's happening in Edom right now, then either he left Edom after Lilith started gathering her army so there's a rift there somewhere, OR there's a way for news to travel between Edom and Earth, probably through, you guessed it, a tiny rift. So wtf, show, please explain because I don't understand.

..............................................................

The audacity. The fucking audacity. MAGNUS WILL BE DEAD, IS WHAT YOU SHOULD TAKE AWAY FROM THAT. NOT THAT THE RIFT REOPENS ARE YOU KIDDING ME WTF JACE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I EVEN CURSED EXPLICITLY I NEVER DO THAT WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Wow. Alec, can you please punch him?

Don't get me wrong. They're shadowhunters, of course it is their duty to prevent this to protect the mundanes. But, delivery?! Show some worry at the prospect of the love of your parabatai's life dying??? before continuing with business as usual?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SAME CLARY, BECAUSE WTF?! I REPEAT, WTF!!!! Didn't she listen to Helen at all? It's not going to protect her, it's going to blast her to frakking pieces. Wtf how dumb is she??? Hääääääääääää?????

lol Simon, you'd just stab yourself in the eye with it XD But I appreciate the sentiment XD

I AM THIS CLOSE TO JUST, RECORD MY LAUGHTER BECAUSE I'M DYYYYYING OVER HERE OKAY HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA Also he should call Maia, because life as a werewolf suxx way less than life as a vampire. Then again, IMMORTAL HUSBANDS SIGN ME THE F UP, IMMORTAL ALEC WAS ENDGAME ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Okay, on a more coherent note. I LOVE this line. I was so painfully deprived of Alec throwing himself into risk and action just to protect and help Magnus during 3B that it's not even funny. So this was really awesome. But, consider this: if he really wanted to go through with it he'd have to wait like a whole day before the transformation is completed, so uhhh impracitcal.

YES. YES. PLEASE MORE OF ENRAGED ALEC SCOLDING THEM LIKE THE KIDS THEY ARE. (But, uh, ragefully running away from his sire in spe wasn't the cleverest move if he wants to go through with it immediately ahaha XD)

I mean, nice of them to contriubute. All it took was Alec (!!!!!) flipping his shit. It seems they didn't have the idea to look into something themselves. Lol I'm inclined to be with Lilith on that one, are they even worth it??? Smh.

Full disclosure, for the longest time I was sure those were burning dog shit piles XD

Can we talk about how Jonathan is at a point where he doesn't really seem to care if he lives or dies because everything is pointless to him? (Btw if I manage to actually write the epic 3x21+22 rewrite I have in mind then it'd start here.)

I mean this was smooth and all, but......? Wasn't Meliorn like, totally over Izzy? I'm meaning this in a premonition-y way, not just this line. His rekindled feelings come pretty much out of nowhere.

I get that this is the alliance rune from the books. But why the hell would she do that in this situation instead of a rune that allows Shadowhunters to survive in Edom? In which universe is alliance rune your first thought instead of resiliance rune?? Or just a plain Accio Magnus rune, ffs!!!Makes no sense.

This is epic and all, but excuse me while I roll my eyes real hard.

Also ignoring the seelie queen and her weird fetish 2.0 because who cares.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT LORENZO IS A FANBOY HAHAHAHA I BET YOU HE WILL CORNER SIMON AT SOME POINT AND BEG HIM FOR AN AUTOGRAPH HAHAHAHAHA

“As my first act on the Downworld Council...”

So you mean to tell me that from 3x02 til 3x21 actually only a week passed? Because the Downworld Council meetings are weekly scheduled??? Tf hahaha.

Hahahhahhaa I mean I totally get why he reacts that way. Also, may I ask the dreaded question: WHERE THE F IS CATARINA???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No honestly, I give up. I just. I give up.

Hahahahaha

“The angels wouldn't have given me this power if they didn't want me to use it.”

Premonition!Ralf: Ha. Hahahhahaha. Ha.

THE COMEDY WE DESERVE HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA PERFECT!!!! Not least because it's immediately followed by

which makes it seem as if Lorenzo is complimenting Meliorn's prowess as a lover LOL

SIGH. So in 3x10 it was the portal that allowed Magnus to EASILY travel back to Earth, not Asmodeus kindly giving him a lift. So then let me ask why the hell he didn't make a portal like this in 3x20?! Did he already know he wouldn't be able to seal the rift but would have to keep it closed 24/7? Ridiculous. Also, why does Alec even ask this, since he saw Magnus use that exact same portal in 3x10.

I think you should have held frikkin hands.

HAHAHA ALEC, HONEY, WHAT WOULD YOU WRITE ANYWAY???? “We're right here, next to those withered trees. There's sand on the ground and wraiths in the sky. Everything looks red. And from here I can see that one ruin!!”

Weird Lorenzo & Alec bonding is intriguing. That's all I'm saying on the matter for now. I'm reserving judgement.

(Edit: After watching both 3x21 and 3x22 this clearly marks the point where Lorenzo's Instant Redemption Arc sets in and simultaneously comes to a close. Thanks, I hate it. Let antagonists be antagonists, dammit. At the end of the day not everyone is a goody two-shoes. That's life. UGH. Also, let me introduce my theory that while traveling between Earth and Edom Lorenzo's character was ripped from him in a severe Plot Convenience Turbulence. What a shame.)

But hell yeah to Alec's emotions running rampant and him being unable to control the magic. Another headcanon confirmed (that I didn't really knew I had, lol).

Hahahahha dude could you be any more pretentious XD XD XD

Hahahahahahaha this is the best day of my life.

Hahahaha Meliorn just got promoted to one of my favorites. Better late than never amiright.

I get this, this taking stock conversation, from a meta standpoint. But BITCH CAN YOU FOCUS ON MAGNUS FOR ONCE IN YOUR SELF-ABSORBED LIFE IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK WTF DAMMIT

Yeah, me too. Who knew demonic transformations came with a villain hairdo make over?? Nature truly is beautiful.

Me, watching: I might be totally oblivous, but did this crown always have a stripe thing on the top, too? Ralf, editing this reaction post: Yes. Yes it did. You're not as observant as you like to think. Me, reading that: .......harsh

..........do I have to understand why he isn't running away screaming? I get the instinct to wreak havoc because everything hurts and is pointless but wtf, the seelie queen is doing the exact same things Lilith did to him. Using him, only seeing him as a power source that has to be cultivated but has no feelings, no worth, and weirdly kissing him. He should, for all intents and purposes, be running for the hills. (But also, uh, neat nail polish and rings, seelie queen. You've got style.)

HAHAHAHA I mean, I already prepared two Jeliorn Dumb Comics, but this is reaching ridiculous levels XD XD XD I'm soooo here for it.

Hahahahaha XD XD XD

“Runes bubbling back, incredible” Yeah, no shit. I'm not buying. I could even largely argue my point, making references to the seelies that got “treated” in 3x17 that weren't rendered half-human-half-angel but mundane, meaning they lost their angelic part, too, meaning the serum removes angelic blood as well as demon blood. But since I couldn't care less about Luke (right now or in general? That's your guess to make) I'm not even getting worked up over it XD

Dude, you're aware this is like the perfect opening for getting a verbal diss, right?

Wow, three seconds a shadowhunter and here we are with the racist jokes again. That was quick.

Also, let me say how exceedingly ridiculous it is that Luke just walks out of there with a “No thank you” and Evil Praetor Guy does nothing against it literally because Luke said “But blackmailing me would mean you're evil ;__;”

bitch please

Look, can we appreciate this a little more? Like, a lot more??? Can I pause the episode here and stare at this for half an hour or something????? Alec saying he's willing to just, leave behind life as he knew it, very possibly never seeing anyone of his family again, just so he gets to stay with Magnus? I mean, that's some Major Immortal Alec Energy right there. Serve me more please.

..................wow instead I get Clary depriving me of a Malec Reunion Smooch wtf?! Uuuhhhh no thank you!!!!

AHAHAHA THAT SUFFERING FACE HAHAHAHAHA OMG AMAZING Kicked Pouting Suffering Puppy Jace <3<3<3

Btw what Jace said about Simon really gave me something to think about. I'm confused but intrigued. I like.

[anoppositioninterms-blog]

I talk too much in the morning.

Every bloody morning.

This is a phrase that I have made up to encompass how it is to be me during what I call the “wake up” part of the day.  It doesn’t always happen in the morning.  Sometimes I sleep for up to 18 hours.

When I first begin to be aware of consciousness, my impulse is to get comfortable and immediately try to achieve sleep again.  This doesn’t work eventually, I can’t climb back into the dream that was just here, and I begin to notice my surroundings.

Did you ever wonder what would have happened in your dream at that last moment?  From what I hear, we are always waking up right before the dream transforms to reveal a truth, a question, or a sensible answer to the nonsense preceding.  I think that most people bring themselves to consciousness attempting to shed the dream space immediately; only sometimes being haunted by fragments of dream memories when they really can’t shake some bizarre situation that does not compute.  Or sometimes being reminded of way-too-personal story-lines that involve people or places that are so familiar, having been stirred up with sexuality and resentments in the dream space.  I think this is normal.  I think dreams exist in solid terms as a sort of “psyche trip” meant for everyone, an autonomous and natural process given to us by our minds, like seeing God at the moment of death.   Dreams function to relive and release our fears or look forward to our futures with some sense of divinity.  For most people, dreams leave tiny clues in our waking brains to remind us about what’s important, to make good decisions in bad circumstances, or to lead us on to more good experiences.  For me however, my dreams are my Bible, they are my reason for existing, they are the only thing really worth analyzing or studying profusely, and they are preferred to being awake.

Climbing back into a dream can be a revelation.   I believe I have seen that last moment, the untold truth, and the meaning behind the strange symbolism in my dreams, and remembered all the details.  I attempt to do this by simply sustaining the dream space and pushing away my blooming half-conscious state as the world attempts to wake me each day.  Not to be confused with “conscious dreaming”.  This is not a learned behavior, it has always come completely naturally to me.  It has remained a quality of mine even though it definitely hinders my experience of waking life and my participation in it.  Its not always easy to stay in a dream, the subconscious has its own realm and it does not allow me to mix in any reality.  If I start to analyze or take control, it ceases to be, and not only that, it will vaporize from my mind, like a mist retreating from a harbor in the morning, and I will forget almost all of it.  I like to wake up slowly.  Quietly.  Slipping back into wakefulness with my eyes still turned inward, uninterrupted by anything too brashly real.  Then I remember the whole dream.  Which seems to be one of the main reasons I have for being awake at all.

If for some reason I am not able to remain in that space for the extra dream-time it takes to get the message of the dream, I am angry with myself.  I struggle throughout the day to remember parts of the dream, drawing pictures and trying to piece the events together.  I feel disappointed and confused for the remainder of the day, having not completed this important task with success.

Again, this is not a rule I have memorized, it is a state of being. An occurrence of a neurosis in me that acts as an imperative to understand and disseminate the meaning of my dreams.

When you see your whole dream strait though to the end and it becomes an operatic parody of itself screaming its message with the wildest images and language in those moments of over-sleep, this makes an impression.  I often feel like I have analyzed the meaning of the dream near the moment of waking, since I got the see the end of the story.  I also wake up feeling like my real life body has experienced whatever happened in the dream.  

I wake up out of breath often, with an elevated heart rate.  I am flushed and my skin feels warm and clammy.  My legs and hips are sore, as if I’ve been running, or hung upside down by my ankles.  I am usually fairly soaked with sweat; being wet when you wake up is uncomfortable: I feel cold, stuck to the bedding, and filthy.  My limbs feel itchy and sometimes I leave long red scratches on my legs.  My mind is sometimes spinning with whatever I interpreted as the meaning of my dream, and if my “wake up” was not slow and quiet as I prefer, my mind is also spinning with thoughts of what this day will hold and what didn’t get completed yesterday. 

When I get out of bed, I immediately get dressed.  I’ve discovered that if I take a short shower in the morning, this aids all the symptoms above, but I am seldom capable of it.  I wake up scared.  The best way to protect myself in the immediate future is to be dressed and ready for whatever I am terrified of.  When I was homeless for a short while,  a defense I developed was the getting dressed quickly, or staying dressed, so as to be ready for whatever was inevitably coming.  The habit stuck.  Even though I could get dressed in anything I want any day of the week now, it remains an important habit to have those clothes thought out, ready, and laid out very near the sleeper.  Better yet I found, was to put on clean clothes before bed, then they were ready for the morning, or the middle of the night, or whenever wakefulness thrust itself upon me.

I suffer from something known as “sleep drunkenness” occasionally.  I usually feel irritable by the time the clothes are on, but sometimes I am plain monstrous in the morning for about ten minutes or so.  Sometimes I am pathetic, and tears will come.  I say things I don’t mean.  I stumble and stomp.  I upset my family.

Through my irritation, I take my mental health medications and smoke a cigarette, by the time that’s done, I usually feel a bit better.  I make tea or drink coffee.  Eating seems like the absolute wrong thing to do.

I should mention: another helpful thing to get through this brief period of discomfort in the morning is my lovely kitty cat.  I have gotten her into the habit of being combed and pampered near when I wake, so she is always happy to see me on a rough morning.  My partner brings me a coffee in the morning and this is reason to get up as well.  I am a hedonist at my worst moments, and anything that makes me feel good is welcome.

And then, or I should say now, being the last several years, a curious thing happens.  I begin talking.  

When this began, it was always of my worst experiences, echoing what my dreams were repeating to me over and over for years.  I was speaking out loud the things that made me feel insecure, unaccepted, things that ruined me financially, ruined my health, took away my humanity.  This regurgitation of my least favorite times seemed right to me at the time.  It was like a lesser version of the me who believed she had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (now called by the doctors only Unresolved Trauma).  This symptom I call “being looped” where you relive your worst experiences in your head and out your mouth to the point that you can think of nothing else; for years this appeared to be my whole reason for talking at all.  Just having this happen in the morning was a little better than having that be the whole of me.

Those horrible experiences always make a comeback in my words as an example, as a worst case scenario, as a constant backing or proof for all my discourse and perhaps my existence, and I assume this quality may always remain.  With my words and my experiences, I can not only absolve myself of my head-space by vomiting it out, but trick others into thinking I’m tough - that I’ve seen things, and that I was there; that I was everywhere bad and felt everything that was bad.  I know it’s become something of a habit that makes me seem crude at times, low, “crazy”, or just a constant victim.

But now I just talk too much in the mornings.  It must drive my partner crazy.  If I am a little more capable, I remember to write or draw instead of using someone’s face as a confession booth.  Its as if I have so much to process in the morning that I simply can’t do it on my own.  The obvious question of why do I have more to process in the morning than others, who simply think of what kind of hair day it will be or whether or not work will be this or that; this is not something that I can answer easily.  The best answer I can give is that it simply hurts to be awake most of the time if I’m not involved in some form of escapism, many of these forms being healthy habits, like yoga and art.  The reality I built myself is complicated and at times insufficient, sure, but this is typical.  Having Generalized Anxiety Disorder is wanting to escape.  My dreams are not better than real life, being fraught with dangers, difficult journeys, uncomfortable interactions, etcetera, but I feel like I really “get something out of” them.  They tell me things that are helpful.  They are focused on me.  My dreams are a selfish mirror that is always inviting me gently to look at something I have a have a sort of pretend dominion over, my psyche.  My dreams are my only spirituality, my only prognostication, my only hint of what the meaning of life is, or what is to come.  Reality and my waking life are most enjoyable to me when I feel like “I am on my path.” Those moments when I have a feeling of Deja-Vu, when I meet someone unexpectedly that I want to see anyway, or when I find a five dollar bill on the ground when I needed bus fare on a cold day.  When I feel like I am being pointed in the right direction by experiences that are partly good.  But this happens so infrequently.  There are so many days that go by where I wonder before sleep why I exist at all.

The things I talk about really vary now.  I might start spouting about politics, or something easier to hear like gardening or cooking.  I might start degrading a friend or relative, only to talk in a circle until I’ve dismissed what I started to say.  I might talk about the film I watched last night, remembering all the details vividly and comparing them accurately to other arts.  I might un-assuredly start to try to discuss gender or race in delicate terms, as a way of understanding the times and the people more effectively.  Whatever mental unwinding I have to do, I do it first thing in the morning, and I am usually best spoken at this time, though the topics are always questionable.  Sometimes I talk about things I have no business talking about.  This process seems to be somewhat necessary to getting on with the morning.  While I am finishing that coffee or tea, I am spouting facts and feelings and expecting a response, whether it makes me late for my day or not.  It is another trait on a list of things that I do not do because I scheduled them or because they make sense, but because I have to.

I wake up soaked, sore, scared, and wishing I was still asleep.  Being chatty is not the worst of the whole package of the “wake up” for me personally, but it may be the remaining trait that still belies to others what I am.  A person who has recovered.  A person who is still recovering from hating life, every bloody morning.