#and that's before the faking his own suicide to garner sympathy

[circesoracle]

"he's obviously unwell and in need of help" "just because he's acting like a sociopath doesn't mean you shouldn't feel bad for him" "It was obviously a cry for help" he was defending himself and posting his balls on his alt i hope he dies for real next time

[sunarintoes]

heyyyyy! can i have carnation with dazai, pls? thanksss 💞

Carnation; women and love

Dazai Osamu x gn!reader (dazai refers to reader as Juliet (once) and belladonna)

wc: ~1k

You frown as you watch Dazai prance around the Armed Detective Agency with a dopey smile adorning his pretty face. He links his slender arm with Haruno as he cheerily explains his new double suicide plan, your frown deepens as he continues to chatter with her - she’s obsviosuly not interested, why would she be? But it's not like Dazai cares, afterall, his love for women is all surface level - appearance based and nothing else. And you know that. So why are you so jealous that his attention is not on you?

You let out an annoyed huff and remove your eyes from the dastardly scene only to set your eyes on an equally as dastardly scene - Ranpo doing the ‘fluffy bunny challenge.’ God you hate it here sometimes. Well not really, but you certainly find yourself questioning the antiques of the ADA’s eccentric members more often than not. 

“Yn!” You hear Ranpo say, “Come hew anf join meh!”

“No thanks Ranpo-san, I'd rather not.”

Kunikida looks at you with a shocked expression: “Y-you can understand him?”

“Mm yeah I guess?”

“How?” he whispers.

You smile and mouth ‘I'm not sure.’ His face twists even more and you giggle at it, “Don't look so perplexed kunikida-san!” He grumbles a response before heading back to his desk. 

“Ynnnie~”

You grimace.

“The Great Detective needs you~”

“... How can I help you with Ranpo-san?”

“Navigating the complexities of catching public transport!” He declares. 

“... Why me?”

“Well it's not like you have anything else to do.”

“Mayb-”

“Wrong!” Calls Dazai who suddenly appears right next to you - draping his long body over your’s. “Yn and I are going on a date!”

“We are-”

“Yes! A double suicide!” he exclaims with a sigh. “Oh how beautiful~ you and me, me and you. Holding each other as if we were clinging to dear life itself. My arms enveloped around you, yours around me. My forehead to yours! And as we take our dying breath we proclaim our love to each other! Oh Ynnie! Will you do a double suicide with me?”

You feel your cheeks heat up, “I-”

“Tempting, I know. You won't miss any of these dirty bastards! I promise you! Life after death is beautiful… like you,” he winks. 

“Dazai-san, I have work to do.”

He looks to you with an expression that reeks of overdramatic sadness, totally fake, and then he slumps to the floor with a hand over his heart. “Oh woe is me. My dear Juliet! Why must thou make my heart ache.” 

“We live in the twenty-first century dude.”

“No! I-”

“Are ya coming or not Ynie,” Ranpo says with a grumble, “I can't do it alone!”

“I'll come with you, don't worry Yn-chan!” Says Atsushi.

“Mm are you sure?”

“Yeah but,” he moves in closer to you, “Please do something about Dazai-san, we have a mission to do later.”

“Yeah will do,” you smile at him as he guides Ranpo out of the ADA. Then you turn to Dazai, he is still wallowing on the floor, failing to garner sympathy and attention. “So Dazai-san. What can I help you with? You seem restless.”

“I am restless without your love belladonna!”

You roll your eyes. “Okay Romeo. Now get up!”

“Anything for you mi amor.” You scowl at him and curse yourself for feeling heat creep up onto you. Your only hope is for him to not notice but Dazai being Dazai notices it anyway. “Oh~ my belladonna how beautiful you are when you're shy for me!” He moves closer to you - his mouth hovering inches over your ear, “Do I make you flustered, dear?”

You feel a shiver run down your spine as you choke out an answer. “C-come on. Let's just go get some coffee or something.” You get up and quickly walk out of the agency, Dazai hot on your heels. 

Once you are far out of sight from the agency Dazai slumps against the wall, “How tragic! My own girlfriend doesn't even reciprocate my love!”

“Huh? Osamu, it was literally your idea to keep our relationship a secret!” 

He continues to whine, “but belladonna~ I just want the world to know that you're mine! Why cant you be more affectionate with me outside of the bedroom- ow! Why'd you hit me?” he pouts.

“Don't make it sound dirty! Besides, it's your fault. You wanted to keep it a secret so I'm keeping it a secret.”

“Ah my dearest don't pout.”

“Then tell me what you want because youre making me confused.”

He cocks his head to the side which pulls at your heartstrings, “i want you of course-”

“No! Osamu, you don't! Cause if you wanted me you wouldn't hide our relationship or flirt with every other girl you see!”

“Yn…” he pulls you into his chest, “Im sorry,” he mumbles. He wraps his arms around you and runs his hands through your hair. “I guess I was just scared of…”

“Of what?” you say, your arms still limp besides you.

“Of losing you? Of being vulnerable? Of showing that I do care for you? I- I don't know… but I guess I wanted to keep you to myself and I’m scared of the port mafia finding you because they're so powerful and they wouldn't miss the opportunity to take you and do horrible thi-”

“It's okay, I understand.”

His arms tighten their hold around you, “Really?” he mumbles, “You do?”

A small smile tugs at your lips, “Of course I do but that doesn't mean I'm not hurt by your actions.”

“Let me make it up to you with a date-”

“Just a date?” you raise your eyebrow.

“And I'll clear up the misunderstandings with the assistants.”

You nod your head, “I like that.”

“I like you.”

“Well I love you.”

He giggles as he brings himself level to your face. You smile as he presses his soft lips on your cheek, “I love you too.” 

“So were you really jealous huh?”

“N-no no i was not, why would i be-”

“Awww you were jealous that my attention wasnt on you!”

“Huh? Why would I be jealous of a damned womanizer!”

“Owwies that hurts,” he pouts.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

The lonliness of Eddie Brock

I’ve said in the past that Venom: Lethal Protector provided a not so great origin story for Eddie Brock regarding his father. I’ve also dived deep into Brock’s presentation in ASM #300 to talk about how it’s a lot better than people think.

But today something clicked and I’m going to try and present a take upon the character that uses his original origin in Lethal Protector and in ASM #300.

Before I start though, I’ll never concede that the origin given to Brock in lethal Protector wasn’t designed to make him sympathetic and jive with readers as an anti-hero. If you read that at face value and as intended, it doesn’t really line up with who Brock was in ASM #300, wherein he was clearly evil.

With that said let’s provide some context. 

So in ASM #300, Brock details his origin. He was a reporter for the Daily Globe and (according to him anyway) a respected one at that. One day he was contacted by Emil Gregg, man of faith (who like Brock seemed to be Catholic) who claimed to be the then recent religiously motivated serial killer known as the Sin-Eater.

In reality, Gregg was a mentally ill person who had the misfortune of living next door to the real Sin-Eater, Stan Carter. Carter recorded a voice journal and so when Gregg heard Carter through his bedroom wall he believed the ‘voices’ to be inside his head, becoming convinced that HE was in fact the real Sin-Eater.

Gregg confessed his believed guilt to Brock who wrote up a sympathetic article (or maybe more) which became incredibly attention grabbing. Initially refusing to give his source Brock eventually became pressured into doing so, writing a sensational article unveiling ‘the truth’. Mere hours later though the real Sin-Eater was apprehended by Spider-Man leading Brock to be fired and reduced to eking out a meagre lonely living by writing ‘venomous’ articles about scandals, alien abductions, etc, for rag publications.

Brock blamed Spider-Man for his misfortune and whilst obsessively exercising to relieve his stress, he envisioned murdering the wall-crawler. Things got so bad for Brock he seriously considered suicide, but his Catholic upbringing meant he couldn’t go through with it. Instead he prayed for salvation in a church, coincidentally the very same church that a while before Spider-Man had rid himself of the alien symbiote that had been his black costume. The symbiote sensed Brock’s feelings, and bonded with him. To Brock this was a form of salvation and the two became Venom, dedicated to avenging themselves on Spider-Man.

Much later, after several encounters with Venom, Peter Parker encountered Brock’s ex-wife Ann Weying who elaborated further on Brock’s life. As she explains it Brock worked so hard to be a star reporter because his father, Carl Brock, seemed to have little use for him. When Brock’s career blew up it was the final nail in his already bad relationship with his father. Ann claims that this in turn drove Brock to madness. They divorced after that.

We get similar, yet deeper information in Venom Lethal Protector #3, when Carl Brock’s elderly housekeeper relays the story of Brock’s life. As she tells the story, Carl Brock was an already emotionally repressed man, but his wife (Jamie) was his world. When Jamie died giving birth to Eddie whatever ability to love existed within Carl died. Thus young Eddie Brock grew up with no affection and little attention from his father.

This drove Eddie to excel in education and sports but each achievement failed to garner the affection and attention he craved from his father. His quest for his father’s love led to him becoming a crusading reporter. But even  when his sensational Sin Eater articles were being published, his father gave him little attention. Then when Gregg was exposed as fake, that ended Eddie’s relationship with his father altogether.

ASM #375 and Lethal Protector definitely frame the story with the intent of garnering sympathy for Brock, of trying to make you LIKE him. This makes sense as both were laying the foundation for Venom’s solo-stories where he was to be an anti-hero.

In this sense they seriously contradict the decidedly unsympathetic backstory given to Brock in ASM #300, where e is framed as a clear cut villain.

I’ve come around to the idea though that whilst there is 100% a cognitive dissonance between the framing of the two stories, they don’t actually contradict one another in the details.

That is to say nothing established in ASM #300 makes the events of ASM #375 and LP #3 impossible.

More importantly those events can I think be viewed as better explaining just Brock’s actions as relayed by ASM #300, and of Venom in general.

The stories already make it clear the defining motivation for Brock before he became Venom was all about his father. He was fruitlessly chasing his father’s affections and had grown up totally devoid of them.

On the one hand, when you are the child of a single parent and that single parent, whilst providing for you, is nevertheless neglecting you, it’s likely to screw up anyone.

But for Brock he practically hinged his whole career path on something that would impress his father. This is an idea expanded upon in Venom: Dark Origin #1 when Eddie’s father suggests he be a reporter expresses respect towards seeking the truth.*

The stories do not confirm this but, does it not make an awful lot sense that Brock’s desire for affection is what led to his actions with Emil Gregg?

Brock was highly unethical in protecting Gregg if he believed him to truly be the Sin Eater and his lack of fact checking was just plain sloppy.

But in the context of his relationship with his father it makes a lot of sense.

Gregg’s confessions were obviously going to be attention grabbing (especially if he wrote sympathetically of him) and his role in apprehending him would (in his mind) have earned his father’s affections. Additionally, it’s not uncommon for people in Brock’s situation to desire attention generally as well as from specific individuals so the Sin Eater story was great fuel for Brock’s self-esteem regardless.

It’s not hard to believe he was in fact so emotionally desperate for attention and affection he didn’t care about ignoring ethics or common sense practices.

If he was that desperate, his descent into madness also makes a lot of sense.

He wanted affectionate attention, and he wanted it specifically from his father.

But his actions resulted in him being isolated from the career he liked, reduced to work that garnered little-no attention/affection** and forever ended any hope of getting what he wanted from his father.

Then on top of that he lost his wife. Divorce is often a horrible experience in general, but when you are already at that low point it’d hit all the harder. And harder still if you are someone who’s grown up neglected and lonely, craving affection.

It’s easy to argue Brock’s fixation upon Spider-Man was simply a mental reflex against the hard fact that he’d so thoroughly ruined his own life. That his actions forever destroyed any hope he had of getting the one thing he wanted, and then also wrecked the other good things he did have.

But why Spider-Man particularly?

I think this again comes back to the issue of being attention grabbing.

Brock WANTED to be noticed, and more than this loved.

Spider-Man might have had a questionable public reputation but he was undeniably attention grabbing, he was frequently in the news (the field Brock used to be a part of and loved) and unless Brock cut himself off from all news sources, it’d had been impossible for him to avoid seeing Spider-Man.

Not only would this have reminded him of his own downfall (much as seeing Daredevil would have, as he was also involved in bringing in Carter) but there might’ve been resentment over the fact that Spider-Man was getting so much attention now he Brock was getting next to none.

Compounding things is the fact that Spider-Man wasn’t universally hated, he was talked about as being a hero. I think that’s why in the above pages from ASM #300 there is that scene where Spider-Man’s on the TV with the word ‘hero’ under it and a clearly unhappy Brock in the room. 

Spidey was getting attention and some affection from thousands or millions of people whilst Brock was getting none.

This resentment might’ve then grown into a hatred, a hatred Brock rationalized as the result of Spidey being responsible for ruining him, an appealing lie to tell himself and it absolves him of all blame.*** Also Brock’s religious background might also have fuelled his delusions. He was accustomed to taking things ‘on faith’ and ignoring contradictions to arrive at a truth he was comfortable with. Thus knowing the facts (that he ruined himself) became easy for his fragile mind to reframe as ‘I made a mistake but Spider-Man is at fault’.

Finally, growing up without a mother and little affection/attention from his father would naturally mean Brock had a certain sense of loneliness ingrained into him. This would’ve been seriously exacerbated when Ann left.

This can then explain the kinship he felt with the symbiote and the deep emotional bond they forged.

The symbiote is a life form who literally relies upon being with others. Loneliness will eventually kill it. And like Brock it craved affection, which rendered it a pariah amongst it’s own kind. Thus like Brock in the field of journalism, the symbiote was cast out for ‘unethical practices’ if you will. And like Brock it had recently been rejected by someone it loved and wanted to be with. For Brock that was Ann and Carl, for the symbiote it was Spider-Man/Peter Parker.

In one another they found kindred spirits. Two lonely wayward individuals, desperate for affection, but rejected by specific individuals they craved it from and by ‘their people’ more generally. Their health falling apart as a result of these circumstances they found a form of toxic salvation in one another.

I’ll be honest, I still don’t like Venom’s 1990s origin or Donny Cates’ new one for him. I stand firm that Venom should be a villain and his origin geared towards that end.

But I will say that I’ve now grown an appreciation of Lethal Protector’s take. I think it does develop the character and make him deeper, just not necessarily in a great direction.

*Dark Origin is a story that overwrites and contradicts older Venom stories but also plays with many concepts from them. As such, it’s at least food for thought going forward.

**Although ironically they were designed with that intent as they were scandal rags. Maybe ‘attention’ was a baked in theme for Brock’s character?

***Let’s also consider that as a journalist spinning a certain story would come naturally to Brock.

[standingontheedgeinstilettos]

You Souhnd Lahk You’ah From Lahndahn!

Hey Friends,

New Year! New Housewives! New Drama!  And I have a new six month old baby which is why there is a fairly significant lapse in time between now and my last blog.  As usual, let’s move past that quickly.

Ah, Beverly Hills. The 90210.  Ladies, ladies, ladies.  I can’t recall how long it’s been since the Munchausen accusation heard ‘round the world and the subsequent arguments which ensued before our very eyes, but here we are again.  And it feels rather nostalgic, doesn’t it?  I mean we have Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle getting laser beauty treatments on TV while discussing the current state of their vaginas.  

You have your gratuitous Camille Grammar cameo, dropping square footage numbers left and right on her newly smaller Malibu mansion, with her lady-servant plating chicken on the bone.  And Lisa Rinna is still talking about her haircut and Harry Hamlin’s arms circa 1982.  

Oh, but there is newness too.  And newness comes in the form of a doe-eyed moron, whose real name I am quite sure is either Sarah or Jennifer, but we’ll call her “Dorit” if that’s what she needs.  If you’re reading this and you’re standing up, I’m going to need you to sit down.  Take a seat because I’m about to lay something on you so hard.  You guys, Dorit is SO FUCKING WORLDLY.  She has been to other countries.  I’ll give you a minute.  You good?  

So “Dorit” and her husband “PK” (name acronym for what I assume stands for “Pretentious Kook” or “PSugar KDaddy” or the like) are so worldly in fact, that even though “Dorit” is from Connecticut, she sports what may be the worst fake British accent we’ve ever had the misery of witnessing.  She makes Lindsay Lohan sound like Eliza Doolittle at the end of the movie.  She makes Madonna basically the fucking Queen Mother herself.  I’m waiting to see these two on an episode of “America’s Most Wanted” a la the Armstrongs at some point in the near future because I’m telling you right now something ain’t right in the buttermilk.

The only thing we viewers have going for us is that “Dorit” had no idea what she was up against.  She’s TV friends with Lisa Vanderpump so she thought she was safe.  She thought she could get away with just flitting about with her bizarre fake accent, air-kissing Kyle, having dinner parties with the 8 most interesting people in the world, or her world at least, and talking about how Boy George lives with her in every interview.  **If your claim to fame is that Boy George lives with you, I don’t know how to help**  But fortunately for us Erika Girardi resides on our show.  Erika Girardi, who has an accent all her own and is completely fluent in ‘Kunty,’ wasted absolutely zero time in calling out “Dorit” for being from Connecticut.  And thus there has begun a quiet war between them where every battle is to be won by Lieutenant Colonel Erika Jane/Girardi.

I am going to focus on “Dorit” vs Erika through the entire blog entry because I don’t think any of us care about anything else that is happening on this show.  Certainly not about Kyle and her fancy problems, or Lisa V with her TIRED double entendres (for Christ’s sake lady, know any other tricks??) nor Lisa Rinna and her Home Shopping Network grey duster.  

I want, nay- I NEED to start with “PantyGate.”  If you know me even just a little bit, you know that I never wear underwear.  It’s a personal choice.  I have no time for it, I don’t like how it feels, I don’t like lines in clothes, I just don’t like any of it at all.  So when Erika did not wear underwear beneath her designer dress, I empathized.  I mean, look what happened with Kyle.  You could see nearly every inch of her Spanx.  That is a fashion faux pas of the worst kind, and really should have been blamed for this whole incident because had Kyle chosen the correct form of underwear, or no underwear at all, Lisa V wouldn’t have playfully asked Erika to give Kyle her underwear and Erika would never have been forced to tell everyone she wasn’t wearing any so Lisa would cease lifting her skirt at the table. And really, now that I type this, it’s Lisa V’s insistence on shoving her nefarious nature down all of our throats which led us to this moment.  The woman will do anything for a sexual innuendo and to start some shit.

So Erika says she’s not wearing any underwear, as she sits legs together, napkin over legs.  Cut to “Perverted Knucklehead” chuckling coyly while sitting next to his wife, and then leaning over somewhat trying to get a better look! OMG.  OMG, hell no.  Helllllllll no.  I don’t know exactly the proper way for a husband to react to being told the woman sitting across from him isn’t wearing underwear, but that was definitely not it.  I’m trying to think of what my husband would have done.  Run away probably, but he’s afraid of all women who aren’t me so he’s a bad example.  Perhaps jokingly ask to switch seats with “Dorit” so you’re not directly across from Erika? Make a big, “WOAH!  Didn’t need to know that haha, can I get another gin and tonic over here??” awkward joke and move on WITHOUT TRYING TO SEE HER VAGINA FURTHER??

If you haven’t been watching, and you guessed that he kept trying to see what Erika Jane is always slapping in her music videos, you win.

A wise man would never mention this again to his wife.  And if she brought it up, a wise man would say, “I did not, would not look at your new friend’s lady bits at cocktail hour, now pass the peas please.”  But a wise man “Punchy Kookoo” is not.  He’s in the kitchen with “Dorit” and not only admits to looking for/at Erika’s box-o-secrets, but that he REALLY ENJOYED IT and COULD NOT STOP.

In the kitchen he said this. Where the knives are kept.  And “Dorit” is all, “I mean, he’s a man for Pete’s sake, who can blame him??”  And that’s how I know “P Kiddy” is paying this broad a LOT of money to say she’s his wife.

Cut to “Dorit” telling every housewife in history how Erika forced her husband to look up her skirt. She called Quinn and Lydia from Orange County.  She dialed up Adrienne Maloof and left a voicemail.  She drafted a telegram for Jill Zarin.  She sent a Messenger Pigeon to Taylor Armstrong in Aspen, but poor little guy unfortunately chose suicide by flight-into-jet-engine over having anything to do with this lame-ass scandal.

Now alllllll the ‘wives are talking about “PantyGate.”  “Dorit” decides to go as far to manufacture drama, thereby securing her spot on the show since they clearly need the money, as to buy Erika a pair of panties to present at the next event where everyone is there to witness the gifting.  So when they all meet up to do some human puzzle activity, “Dorit” makes a prettttttttty big deal about Erika’s vagina, how everyone saw it, and how she may be best served in covering it up going forward.  It made her husband “Pussy Krazed” super uncomfortable when he was trying really hard to stare at it.

I always say I would be the literal worst on this show.  It’s because I don’t care about any of this shit.  If this crazy lady with her accent made of a thousand accents came at me with that shit, I would be like, “Umm, that’s your incredibly embarrassing problem.” But maybe I actually would be good on this show, because that’s basically exactly what Erika said.  It was awesome. And “Dorit,” God bless her, as she does with everything else in her life- she tried SO HARD.  She really wanted this to be a scandal.  But it just wasn’t.  It was like this: Erika didn’t wear underwear, and “Dorit”’s husband thought that was awesome, tried to see up her skirt, told his wife he couldn’t help but look because it was freaking amazing and “Dorit” blamed Erika for her husband being disgusting.  And it was all so painfully transparent.  So much so that Erika was just like, “Gross, ok.”

Cut to Tuesday night’s dinner party at “Dorit” and “Practically Kitschy”s home where the most interesting people in the world gathered to talk about “The Haves and The Have-Nots” and who really killed JFK.  Dorit wore the world’s shortest red dress and made a point to show her desperation by telling her husband to tell her she looked hot and that, unlike Erika, she was wearing underwear.  Barf, lady. Lisa RInna somehow got invited, which I’m sure ultimately made her feel more punished than honored.  She was given a severe tongue-lashing by “Pernicious Knave” about last season’s fight she had with his dear, fake friend Lisa Vanderpump.  Lisa RInna tried to explain she’s turned over a new leaf and feels differently about life now that she knows people die.  She brought up how Eileen has lost so many people including her mother right before last season’s reunion which Eileen did not tell anyone about as to not garner fake-sympathy that could somehow be used against her.

This did not please “Pro Knickers.”  Not one bit.

“That is unfair!” he spat. “Those women deserved to know that your mother had just died!”

“Oy!” exclaimed “Dorit.” “I complete-lah agrah wit you-ah one hooondred percahnt!”

Eileen finds out about this peculiar stance against her choice to keep her mother’s death on an I-want-you-to-know basis and confronts “Dorit” about it at a one on one meeting between the two of them that I thought was going to take place with each in their own convertibles parked next to each other but ultimately moved to a random picnic table.

“All the other tables get picnics, and I get this?  I wish I could fly into a jet engine.” – Picnic Table

Eileen explains rather clearly the conversation that took place between “Dorit,” “Party Killer” and Lisa Rinna and why it bothers her that they would pass judgement on how she or anyone deals with the loss of a loved one.  And then “Dorit”s just like, “Whaht?  I litahrally have absoloooootily no idir whaht you ah toolking aboot…..”

WTF is this chick on? Seriously, what is it?  Is it some hybrid of Valium and Molly?  Is she the love child of vodka and lithium?  Because if she’s not on anything she is the worst, weirdest liar ever.

We end the latest episode with a bizarre (I know I keep using that word but it is consistently the most appropriate adjective) conversation wherein “Dorit” calls 45 year old Erika a “young girl,” asks how albums are made (isn’t “Poopy Kaka” a music manager or record producer or something?) and tells Eileen to basically “bugga ooff!”

Meanwhile, a sullen Camille Grammer quietly forks around her bone-in chicken breast wondering where she went so wrong.

  �ȣR �