#and thats obviously a horrible stressor and traumatizing as hell

[dyketubbo]

idk if you want any reassurance, maybe you dont in which case im sorry, but youre one of the blogs i respect the most on this website tbh. i wish people knew how to respond to opinions they dont agree with maturely like a normal person :/ i hope you feel better soon :(

i dont mind whether people respond or not as long as its not through an rb, and i appreciate it. it just. it wouldnt matter as much to me if they were all my age, i guess? because then itd feel more like im just dealing with my peers, i know how to deal with other teenagers, ive been to school. but, ive checked ages, yeah? and its like. people in their 20s. im not good at guessing ages, but even with the ones who dont have them public it feels like theyre adults, and i dont know. i havent even been 16 for more than a month yet, it feels so gross to me that adults are talking about me Like That because i spoke up abt something that made me uncomfortable. it feels like instead of actually trying to engage with me, theyre just.. trying to One Up me.

i really did try to talk within what i know of the streamers boundaries (and so far, even through all of this all we have is, phils confirmation that he doesnt mind hcs, but again i have complicated feelings on that clip and how the dono was worded that i doubt i could properly articulate in a way that wont add fuel to the fire), i tried to make it clear that i know not everyone who does qpr art was just trying to get away with romantic art and slapping a "not a ship" disclaimer, i tried to articulate that i dont see queerplatonic as equalling platonic, tried to talk about how i just wanted to be respectful towards the ccs and how i dont think anyone who does qpr stuff w them is a bad person, tried to explain my reasonings, tried to explain using my experiences, used examples, established over and over that this was just a personal problem that i wouldnt have elsewhere, etc etc.

and then most of the responses from people who disagreed just felt.. condescending. and i cant even say that i just felt like they were accusatory because thats just fact that they were accusatory. then the whole talking about me thing is just.. disturbing. i get vaguing like, an opinion shared by a group of people, ive done it, obviously. but theres that, and then theres. vaguing someone specific. and stumbling across people vaguing specifically me, getting confirmation that some might not even be giving the courtesy of being vague, sometimes even seeing it because its in the tags of a post i might agree with.. i just wish those people had any sort of sympathy for how that effects people. and it sucks that they managed to vague some paranoid kid with delusions because like, shit dude. theyre making my fears real, yknow? ive been scared my whole life that people hated me, were talking about me. sucks to see i was right.

im gonna inevitably have my ups and downs, but. i dunno, i just hope itll be over by the end of this month. i can barely deal with it now when im at home and have all the time in the world to distract myself with stuff that makes me happy, i dont want to find out whatll happen if this stays a constant when im stuck in school and all i have to distract myself is work and my bigoted ass peers who probably havent even heard the word aromantic in a serious context once in their life. cant believe im starting to wish for summer to be over, but if it means getting out of this hell then shit, september cant come any damn quicker