#and the quote is david lake from 'escape from the state of nature'

[liones-s]

'All theoretical constructs are inherently unobservable, and all measures are imperfect' (David Lake)

[joezworld]

Deeply Specific and Very Long Ocean Liner Headcanon

So, most boats, ships, and vessels of every sort are normal - or as normal as a sentient seagoing vessel can be. 

With one big exception 

The Transatlantic Ocean liners were considered to be an odd bunch on the best of days, and got seemingly nuttier as years went on and ships got larger. While ships like the RMS Olympic might have had some personality quirks, moving on just 20 years brought about ships that were just eccentric. 

Take, for example, the SS Normandie. 

The pride of the French Line, the ship made a name for herself in the interwar years for being bigger, faster, more luxurious, and downright prettier than any other liner at sea. She took her appearance very seriously, and many of her initial eccentricities were missed under the assumption that she was vain, not nutty. 

But nutty she was, and this became especially evident during The War. 

Most French Line ships scattered to the four winds, running to any port who might protect them from the incoming German threat. Not Normandie, who called her fleetmates cowards and kept to her scheduled sailing dates until September of 1939, when she sailed into New York harbor and requested asylum for herself and her full complement of crew. 

The Americans were more than willing to provide protection, but at a cost - Normandie would have to become a troop ship for the allied war effort. According to the vessel, she had been expecting this, but had been more than willing to do her part for the war effort. 

That is, right up until the US Navy announced that they would be stripping her of her fine furnishings and painting her in dazzle camouflage. This was a line in the sand that Normandie  refused to cross, as she knew that the Americans would likely ‘appropriate’ her elegant art deco décor for its scrap metal content the instant it hit the dockside. She refused, and left immediately for the open ocean, opting to serve her native France in a different way. 

What was that different way you might ask? 

Well, first she sailed to the French Colony of Guadeloupe in the Caribbean, intending to serve as the island’s supply ship in order to keep it from starved out by enemy U-Boats. 

This plan lasted about a month, before a U-Boat sank another vessel virtually in front of her. Equipped with high-tech radar and many other navigational aids required for a safe transatlantic crossing, the infuriated liner bore down on the surfaced U-Boat and rammed it, sinking it instantly. 

To quote the ship’s 2011 autobiography: “It was at that moment, surrounded by the oil and debris of my first kill, that I became a warrior. My mission - to destroy the enemy by any means possible.  None would escape me.“

Normandie would spend the rest of the second world war as a one-ship wolf pack in the Caribbean, chasing down and sinking any and all vessels - military or otherwise - flying the Axis flags. 

A typical day for the Normandie was captured in the logs of the U.S.S Plymouth - which sighted the ship several times during a Convoy Escort mission in September 1942. 

Log entry - Sept. 9 42 - sighted Periscope off port bow in early morning (approx. 09: 30) - dropped depth charges to no effect. Sub made attempt to torpedo convoy - missed by significant distance. Sub fled. No further sightings until after noon.

- Recon aircraft out of Guantanamo observed what appeared to be a German sub tender and Sub two hundred miles due east of Havana. Moved to intercept at 13:04 ship’s time. 

-13:51 Sighted large contact on radar, moving fast to intercept from SW. Radar says that contact is bigger than any ship known to be in area. 

-Large contact made no attempt to intercept - made beeline for approx. location of sub and tender. Crows nest observed a huge liner flying the French flag at 14:39.

-15:04 All ships visible - contact revealed to be liner Normandie - flying biggest French flag ever seen. Sub Tender - unknown freighter flying Italian flag- attempted to flee while sub dove. Liner lowered French flag to reveal equally large pirate flag and charged the sub - ramming it and sinking it at [COORDINATES CLASSIFIED] 

- 15:12  rescue effort made on sub crew - 3 survivors. Normandie bound NNW in pursuit of sub tender.

- 18:26 rejoined convoy - prisoners in brig to be transferred to Guantanamo Bay.

- 23:11 sighted Normandie again. Received Aldis lamp  transmission from liner. “Two Sunk. Success.”

- 23:19 lost sight of Normandie.

At the war’s end, the Normandie had accumulated a whopping 37 confirmed kills of German, Italian, Japanese, and Vichy French vessels, making it one of the most decorated warships of either side had it been commissioned into any navy. 

Following the war, Normandie resumed transatlantic services until she was replaced by the much larger SS France in 1962. 

Now lacking anything to do for the first time in her long and illustrious life, Normandie elected to sail more or less for pleasure, spending several years sailing about the Caribbean in order to properly mark out her ‘kills’ to West German survey vessels, before circumnavigating the earth in the company of the SS United States, who had been retired following the collapse to the United States Lines in 1964. 

Although both ships are immensely private about the nature of their relationship,  the addition of a gold band to each vessel’s lead funnel - a traditional sign of marriage - in 1972 did not go unnoticed.

Since then, both liners spent the tail end of the 20th century living lives of leisure punctuated by mild adventure. 

in 1979, both ships attempted to evacuate residents of the Dominican Republic ahead of Hurricane David. They failed to do so, and were forced to ride out the storm at sea, reportedly reaching the eye of the storm in the process. 

Following the attack on their close friend SS Atlantic Conveyor during the Falklands War, both ships led a flotilla of other retired liners in an effort to significantly hamper the Argentinian Navy’s assault on the islands. The success of this still debated, however it did show that the Normandie is not alone her ability to hunt down submarines, as the United States and the former German/French liner Liberté  successfully hunted down  and sunk the ARA Santa Fe during the conflict - much to the shock of all military forces involved, who had thought that the liners were joking when they began to participate.

In 1985, following the SS France’s abrupt ‘retirement’ from Norwegian Cruise Lines, (NCL had wanted to ruin France’s lines by adding more cabins on her upper decks - she refused and was shown the door) The United States and Normandie joined in a venture to provide even better cruises - so that they could beat NCL at their own game. The resultant company was one of the largest cruise lines in the world, and  was the highest valued travel stock in the world after its IPO in 1991, causing all three ships to become immensely wealthy when they sold the company to  Carnival Cruise Lines in 2000. 

All three liners have left the public eye since the early 2000′s - becoming eccentric billionaires instead of eccentric vessels. Most sightings of the Normandie and United States have been in increasingly unusual places for them to go, like the Arctic, the Antarctic, the US Great Lakes, and even off the coast of Siberia. They claim that they’re just doing touristy things, but most of the world’s submarine fleet has doubts.