#and the shipmate who will only let you do his physicals but will also sometimes flip out and attack the other patients

[charlie-artlie]

i love the completely baseless assumption that first aid has a thing for helicopters, its so good sometimes i forget its not canon

[ladyfogg]

May I? - 3/?

May I? - 3/?

Fic Summary: Ensign Faith Diaz struggles to hide her mental illness from her fellow shipmates aboard the Enterprise until an intrigued Data goes out of his way to try to understand her behavior. At his insistence, Faith tries to figure out what she's truly passionate about and eventually seeks the professional help she needs. Fic Masterpost.

Fic Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Data/Female OC

Warnings: tw: depression, tw: anxiety, fluff, friends to lovers, eventual smut

Data went back to his work.

Before that day he had not had a conversation with Faith and after two he found himself more puzzled than before. 

When Geordi had spoken of the ensign, he had mentioned her tardiness and overall dismissive demeanor over the last few weeks. Data could not comment on the tardiness but he had not found her to be dismissive unless questions were directed at her own well-being.

The fact that she used the Jefferies Tubes as a way to escape during her rotation was troubling. Handling stress in a fast-paced environment was essential to any position within Starfleet. If Faith could not handle the stress, how had she gotten as far as the Enterprise?

Data scanned Faith's Starfleet personnel file and found nothing of significance. She had adequate marks in the academy and had served on another vessel before the Enterprise. Her transfer orders included a glowing recommendation from her previous superior officer. 

Data concluded that something must have happened in the time between her last posting and her current one. If her behavior had changed once on the Enterprise, then it stood to reason the Enterprise was the issue. He had several hundred theories but not enough evidence for a clear hypothesis.

Switching his main focus, Data finished the project he had been working on and decided it was the best time to dream before the night ended. 

He climbed into bed, dimmed the lights, and closed his eyes. 

He was in a forest. A dense forest, thick with vegetation. It may have been daylight but he could not tell through the canopy created by the massive trees around him.

Data walked forward, listening to the crunching of the leaves under his shoes. It was the only sound he heard which was strange. Forests had animals did they not? He should be hearing birds at the very least. 

"Data."

His name was whispered and he turned in the direction it came but saw no one. He kept moving forward.

"Data."

This time the whisper came from a different direction. Yet still, he saw no one. At first. The harder he stared, the more the plants began to twist and change, winding themselves into a distinct shape. He took a step closer for a better look.

"Data!"

This time the voice with louder, right behind him. Data spun around and came face-to-face with Dr. Soong.

"Father?"

Dr. Soong smiled. "I'm surprised you found this place so quickly, son," he said. "I didn't even program it. It developed on its own when I added your dream function."

"What is it?"

Soong looked around, a mysterious glint in his eye. "The unknown, Data." He turned Data around and suddenly there was an archway of branches and vines, unintelligible whispers beckoning him forward. "The unknown."

Then he pushed Data through.

Data sat up. In the months since he began dreaming, he had cataloged over one-hundred and fifty dreams. In ninety-two percent of those dreams, he had found himself on the Enterprise while the remaining eight percent took place in various locations he had visited throughout his life.

This was the first dream where the location was fictitious. He was not sure how to interpret what he saw. Was Dr. Soong there or did his brain create his image as a "guide" of sorts? 

Data was required on the Bridge, which left little time for him to dwell on the matter. He would have to examine the dream another time, perhaps during his session with Counselor Troi the next day.

He reported to his station on time, as always. 

The planet they were surveying had no life forms and the previous day's excursion to the surface yielded nothing special. 

"What are your thoughts, Number One?" Captain Picard asked.

"It's like I said in my report," Riker responded. "There were a few structures but they were empty, seemingly abandoned years ago. No idea who made them but whoever did couldn't be found."

"Any reason why they were left?"

"I'm assuming it was due to the atmosphere. We were down there for a short time and even then it became difficult to breathe. We just barely managed to leave before storms rolled in."

Picard studied the screen thoughtfully before he sighed. "Best move on then. Data, set a course for the next planet in this system."

"Course set. We should arrive in fourteen hours and fifty-two minutes," Data announced.

"Thank you, Mr. Data. Engage."

And so they moved on.

Data's shift ended hours later and he retired to Engineering to continue his improvements with Geordi.

"Hey, Data, glad you're here," Geordi said when he arrived. "I need your help."

"Certainly. With what?"

"Here, let me show you."

Geordi led Data to the assistant engineer's console where a piece of machinery was physically out of place. It did not interfere with the console's function. Yet it was still troubling.

"Interesting…" Data said. "This reminds me of what Faith found yesterday. There is no reason for this unit to have been disassembled."

"No there isn't." Geordi raised his eyebrow. "Two pieces of Engineering machinery physically moved in less than twenty-four hours? I don't like those odds."

"It is extremely unlikely such occurrences are random."

"But what could cause such a thing?" Geordi asked. "These things are heavy. It would take at least three people to move them, maybe four. And that's if you detach it from the wall."

"The reasoning is also unclear," Data said. "I suggest running diagnostics on both units to ensure they have not been tampered with."

Geordi nodded in agreement. "I'll start on the one Faith was examining. By the way, thanks for taking care of her. Things could have gone south fast if you weren't there."

"It was no trouble," Data said. "Geordi, may I ask you a question about Faith?"

"To tell you the truth, Data, I don't know much about her."

"It is about her work. You said her performance has been lacking in the last few weeks?"

Geordi crossed his arms, leaning against the wall in the process. "More like months. When she first joined there wasn't an issue. I mean, she worked a little slow but still got the job done. Now she seems...I don't know, distracted. She's been late multiple times. Sometimes I ask her to do something and it takes hours, or she gets side-tracked and forgets. She's also had a bit of an attitude." He frowned. "Why? Was she rude to you?"

Data shook his head. "I did not find her rude. Although, I am curious about her behavior."

"What do you mean?"

"She injured herself but was reluctant to seek medical attention. Even when she was bleeding."

Geordi's dismay turned to concern. "That is troubling. Well, I know she's been ordered to rest per Dr. Crusher. Maybe she just needs a break. We haven't had shore leave in a while and who knows when she had a break on her last ship. I guess I never considered she may be overworked."

"It is possible. She was particularly unconcerned regarding her own safety. As her superior officer, I thought you should know."

Geordi stood up straight and adjusted his uniform. "Thanks, Data. I'll keep that in mind and will keep an eye on her when she gets back."

"That would be wise."

Satisfied the matter was settled, Data took a seat at the center terminal to begin to work. A few moments later Geordi joined him. 

"Data?"

"Yes, Geordi?"

"Why the sudden interest in Faith?"

Data stared at him, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You seem particularly concerned about her."

"Should I not be?"

"I'm not trying to discourage you. I think it's great. I guess I'm just curious."

"I am as well."

A sly smile spread across Geordi's face, though Data was not sure why. "Is that so?"

"Yes." Data studied him for a moment. "Judging by your tone you find this amusing."

"Maybe a little."

"May I ask why?"

"I've never known you to show such fast interest in a woman before."

"Ah. You think my interest is sexual in nature."

Geordi snorted with laughter. "Well, is it?"

"It is not. You of all people know I do not have any feelings, let alone sexual ones."

"It doesn't have to be sexual. You can just want companionship."

Data considered Geordi's point of view. "Currently I only wish to understand what Faith is going through. However, I have found our brief interactions pleasant enough, if not confusing."

"Confusing?"

"Yes. Her reactions to certain topics. For example, at times she will be conversing with no issue but when certain subjects come up she shuts down or grows defensive."

"That's not new to you, Data. You've been around plenty of people who don't want to share what's on their minds."

"I am aware of that, Geordi. But this is different."

"How?"

"I do not know. Hence the curiosity."

Geordi still had a slight smile on his face, almost as if he knew something Data did not. "As your friend, all I ask is that you be mindful of your questions. You may not feel, but Faith does. And she may not appreciate the extra attention." He picked up his tricorder. "I'm going to go check that console. Let me know if you need anything."

Data frowned as he watched Geordi walk away. Faith had approached him the previous evening and had even apologized for snapping at him. She did not seem bothered by his interest, only frustrated by the repeated question of her well-being. Data planned to avoid asking that particular question in the future, especially with Geordi's warning.

The more he learned about humans the more he grew confused. Yet, his resolve to be like them never wavered. If anything it strengthened as he hoped to fully understand them someday.

He and Geordi worked for several hours, exchanging thoughts about the latest mystery and reviewing the results of the diagnostics. In Geordi's initial sweep nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Still, the staff was told to keep an eye out for anything that seemed physically out of place. 

"I need a break," Geordi announced, rubbing his forehead. "My brain feels like mush and I still have some calibrations I have to run. Why don't we call it a day and meet up in the morning? Start fresh."

"Good idea. I need to feed Spot and I would like to work on my painting."

"Well, enjoy. I'll see you tomorrow."

Data took his leave, heading for his quarters. Spot greeted him when he arrived, meowing and curling around his legs. 

"I know it is time for your dinner," Data said, making his way to the replicator. 

After making sure Spot was fed, Data turned to his paint supplies. There was an abstract painting he had been working on for a number of weeks, but when he reached for the canvas, he decided he did not want to work on it. He wanted to start something new.

Data propped a fresh canvas in his easel and carefully selected several paints for his palette. His thoughts focused on the dream he had and he found himself painting the lush forest, dark and mysterious with beams of light attempting to peek through the canopy.

When he was finished, he stared at it for some time, reliving the dream vividly. There had been something in the underbrush before his father had appeared. It nagged at him, tugged on his mind until he propped up another fresh canvas.

Without hesitation, he dipped his brush in brown paint, mixing it with a small amount of white to lighten it some.

Then he began to paint.

Data was capable of computing multiple thoughts and actions at once, yet often limited them when he painted. He had been told creative endeavors required your full attention and he made it a point to follow said rule. 

Often he knew exactly what he wanted to paint and what techniques he needed to implore to achieve his goal. 

This time, it was different. This time, his hand seemed to have a mind of his own, gliding across the canvas in sure, deliberate strokes. It took Data a moment to register what he was actually painting.

Two light brown eyes stared back at him from the canvas. There was no face, no skin, just the eyes framed with long dark lashes. 

Faith's eyes.

Data lowered his brush, staring at what he had done and unsure of why he had done it. It was supposed to paint the vines and leaves, twisting together. Not this. He considered stopping but the urge to continue was strong. So he did not fight it. 

He added more white to the brown mixture until he was able to match her skin tone, filling in the blank spots on the canvas. 

Fresh brown paint was squeezed onto the palette, and this time Data added a drop of black, darkening it to match her hair. The eyebrows came next, thick and dark, with a small imperfection in the left one, no doubt leftover from a faded scar. 

Last was her hair, escaping its braid as it swirled around her face. It was not until her image was complete that he finally added the vines he had been attempting to recreate. Various shades of green wove together, twisting just as they appeared in his dream. They blended into her face, almost as if they made her.

Hours had passed by the time Data lowered his brush, staring in awe at the image he had managed to produce. It was nothing like he had ever painted before.

"Most curious."

[echodrops]

My first thought on this is to tell you not to worry too much about Yatori and the possibility of Yato ending up tragically alone forever. From what I’ve seen of Adachitoka’s writing, if Noragami ever returns shit no one heard me say that whoever is doing the writing (I think it’s Adachi?) has a clear sense of narrative purpose and a keen understanding not only of relationships but also what events will ultimately tell the best story with their characters. Honestly, in terms of the plot events of Noragami, the growth of the characters, balance of romantic comedy with action, and the sheer amount of emotional baggage they’re able to parse through, I would not be worried about Yato’s fate. Whoever he ends up—or whatever happens by the end of the manga if we ever get there—will definitely be what is best for Yato. Adachitoka love their character, you can tell. They won’t leave him with a bad end. Even if the ending of the manga doesn’t involve Yato and Hiyori ending up together, happily ever after thanks to their tied plaques, whatever ending we do get, however sad, will be well-written and emotionally fulfilling. I definitely believe in that—have faith in the authors that the end-game they have planned is going to be the best one for Yato!

The rest is under a read more.

Before going on to the other pairings, it is my personal opinion that, at this point, the ending of Noragami can only go one of two ways for Hiyori: either she becomes immortal or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t become immortal, then the ultimate moral of the story is about how much impact a single human can have on the heavens and what it means to have touched the lives of people in need to help them grow and become so much better. It would be a bittersweet but meaningful ending. Alternatively, Adachitoka makes Hiyori somehow immortal, the hijinks never end and the moral of the story is that good people get good endings and true love can triumph even over something like death. There are a nigh infinite number of ways Hiyori could become immortal in Noragami, from becoming a shinki (still bittersweet) to dying and being deified, becoming a young, upstart god herself. Let’s not forget that the title involves strays, and no one resembles a wandering cat more than Hiyori… At this point, just as a fan personally, I’m in the camp that Adachitoka have some sort of long-term plan for Hiyori. Maybe the plan is for her to just grow old and die, but the longer she’s with Yato and the closer she grows to all the other gods out there, the less I feel like that’s going to be a sufficient end for her.

BUT, if we do have to look for alternate pairings, I have long been a supporter of Yato/Bishamon! I agree that, especially in light of the extreme amount of KazuBisha service the manga has provided, Yato and Bishamon can come off as bash brothers/platonic bros more than an actual pairing, but I think that’s more our conditioned response, rather than anything wrong with the pairing itself. The romantic overtones from Yatori and KazuBisha are so strong that they tend to (in a weird way) warp our views for what other pairings should look like: Yato is lovey-dovey with Hiyori, so we start thinking that other Yato pairings should be lovey-dovey; Kazuma and Bishamon are loyal and supportive, so we start to think that other Bishamon pairings should be the same way, etc. But of course this isn’t the case, and every pairing can have totally unique dynamics and still be just as good!

As I’ve written about Yato and Bishamon before, to me their actions are often coded in a way that “toes the line” between strictly platonic and teasing something more. There’s always been a bit of an edge to their actions—from Bishamon’s first introduction as an aggressive, overpowering female presence (in obvious comparison to the “good girl” Hiyori) who virtually dominates Yato in battle, to Yato’s role as her savior both physically (by defeating her corrupted shinki) and mentally (by allowing her to use her hatred as motivation to recover), to even their recent scenes together, with Bishamon leaping into hell and risking all her shinki’s lives for him to Yato literally being willing to go to war with heaven for her… The plot events that surround these two are definitely more intense and important than you would expect from two characters fated to end up as nothing more than drinking buddies/battle friends.

As I’ve written before, I find these two to be great foils for each other. They each have exactly what the other most deeply desires: Bishamon is the famous god of fortune with the huge number of followers and all the esteem—but what she wants is to be able to connect to her “family,” the shinki she deeply cares for but struggles vainly to understand. Meanwhile, Yato is desperate for the fame and glory Bishamon barely notices she has, while failing to notice that he already possesses what she lacks: the ability to relate to others in an almost human way, with close-knit, trusting bonds that protect his relationships from the same failings that plague Bishamon’s.

In other ways, they are also coded as two-of-a-kind: the only two gods we’ve seen in action with their hafuri, both of them attacked and badly affected by Yato’s father, both of them combat gods skilled in war, both of them painfully oblivious, both of them dear friends to Ebisu, they both have a dark history together, etc. Out of all the characters in Noragami, where miscommunication is rife and people never know how to explain their thoughts or feelings, Yato and Bishamon are actually the LEAST likely to have this problem, because the plot has shown us again and again that they both act and think alike.

And I mean… she did literally jump into hell for him. And he got his first “real” god-name cutting the heavens while fighting for her…

Of course you could argue that all of this is “platonic life partners” zone, and I’d willing to bet in the end that’s how it will play out, but I think it’s really impossible to totally negate the tinge of sexual tension that underlines many of their interactions. I mean, Kazuma has been buying dirty doujinshi about Bishamon from Yato for years; Yato clearly has to be thinking about her naked sometimes! Yato wanted Bishamon to spend time with him at the gods’ party even though he already had Yukine and Hiyori with him! And Bishamon gets all ruffled and angry faced when people bring Yato up, but then what is their battle banter about? Whether or not there will ever be a “romance flag” on their relationship!

Yato/Bishamon is a perfectly fine pairing to ship and in some ways is more balanced than Yato/Hiyori!

Worried that they’re just going to turn out to be “drinking buddies”? Don’t forget that this is how their last on-screen drinking party ended:

And let me just also remind you that even Yato and Hiyori haven’t gotten that close to a kiss.

  But if YatoBisha still isn’t doing it for you and if you’re open to m/m ships, might I also suggest Yato/Kazuma?

Now, I might be the only person in the entire fandom who’s into this or even reads their interactions this way, but I have definitely had a lot of thoughts about Yato and Kazuma, and some of them are that they would actually make a pretty respectable ship!

If you read my Yato and Kazuma essay with shipping goggles on, a lot of what’s written there could be taken in a very romantic light. There are many reasons why Kazuma and Yato probably have the healthiest relationship of any two characters in Noragami! I don’t really have the time to go through every potential reason again (since I already wrote them before XD), but of all the characters in Noragami, they have shown each other the most consistent care and respect with the least amount of strife or drama. Yato is the one Kazuma keeps running back to, over and over, any time he is in trouble or need, and Yato’s dependency on Kazuma is so intense that one of Yato’s life goals became to find “his own Kazuma”! Yato’s trust in Kazuma is unshakeable, and Kazuma (for centuries!) risked everything he treasured to keep Yato safe and well. Kazuma became a hafuri only after his bravery in contacting Yato, and even when Kazuma attacked Yukine, Yato still insisted that they weren’t enemies. They’re true bros at the least, but very fun to think about in terms of potential shipmates.

 Even the manga likes to make jokes about their “relationship”:

And I mean, #RelationshipGoals??? Get you a man that looks at you like Yato looks at Kazuma:

Or even better, get you a man who looks at you like Kazuma looks at Yato:

I’M JUST SAYING GUYS!!  

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

My Writing Homework (Post 78) 3-4-15

                        Last week I was only ten minutes late for Thursday night’s meeting of the Bereavement Group.  It is not that I am intentionally being impolite but the commute time from Richmond to Brentwood is very inconsistent.  The other members of the group graciously allow for my serial interruption of the flow of their conversation.  

Sandy let me know that I had missed her introduction for the topic of next week’s meeting.  She encouraged me to write on the subject for the newsletter in case my pitiable punctuality degraded to an extent that prevented me from presenting my thoughts orally.  Next week’s discussion topic is the three roles that significant people fulfill in our lives.  People enter our life for either a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME.  My homework follows:

‘When someone is in your life for a REASON.  It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.  They have come to assist you with a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are!  They are for that reason that you need to be.”

For me there have been many significant people who have appeared and exited my life in turnstile fashion.  They answered a prayer, performed a vital service, or administered a spiritual remedy as pleasant to taste as cod liver oil.  Unless you live in solitude, you will be assisted, disappointed or even betrayed by many different people throughout your lifetime.  For many years, I was a semi-professional grudge holder. I never reached black-belt status in prolonged enmity, but I certainly had progressed well beyond the novice white and yellow belts.  Through my journey with Pam’s illness I learned a valuable life lesson:  an Orange Dream Machine from Jamba Juice tastes much better than the poison of hatred. I now try to release any disdain I feel for the bit characters, the Soup Nazis, that troop in and out of my life for the purpose of teaching me how to forgive.

There are also truly pleasant and significant characters that appear in the weekly sitcom of my life for a REASON.  These aren’t the red shirted, engineering, Star Trek, cannon fodder that haplessly blaze away with their phasors at the invincible alien creature before laying down their lives for plot development.  I’m talking about memorable actors in our lives that answer our prayers and then depart quickly into the sunset like McCloud, Rooster Cogburn or the Lone Ranger.

For the Donnelly family many nurses and oncologists fit that description, but the best example is a Catholic priest. Father Luke is the Parochial Vicar at St John Vianny in Walnut Creek, the parish directly across from John Muir Walnut Creek campus, a place where the Donnellys have spent far too much time.  A friend of Father Jerry’s in the seminary, Father Luke hasn’t moved from parish to parish nor is he on the fast track to a bishopric in Des Moines, Singapore or any other Diocese.  He serves the needs of his parishioners and ministers to the patients and families directly across Ygnacio Valley Road from his office.

Father Luke has answered the spiritual bell pull of Donnelly prayers on numerous occasions. Sometimes we requested to talk to him through one of his Eucharistic ministers and sometimes Father Luke has walked into the room without being summoned by anything other than our inner turmoil.  His daily hospital round seems to be directed by a GPS route programmed directly by the Holy Spirit.  Upon arrival at his destination his very presence exudes peace into any predicament like a swung censor at high mass.  If you summed up the total time that Father Luke spent visiting a Donnelly sick room, the total might equate to less than three hours.  On the other hand, if you wished to metaphorically demonstrate the spiritual service that he has done for our family, you would have to rent a dump truck.  For the Donnellys of Brentwood, Father Luke is a REASON.  Understandably, I hope never to meet Father Luke again on this side of the veil, but he will remain in my thankful thoughts and prayers.

“When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.  They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it!  It is real!  ‘But’ only for a season.”

The first man that was a big influence on my life was a mentor to both my father and me.  Carroll Bailey was a senior teacher on staff when my father became an English teacher at Mount Hermon school.  Later he was my house counselor for a year and a good shepherd that watched out for me during all my four years at a Boston boarding High School. Mr. Bailey, as I think of him even to this day, always had my best interest at heart.  Although I wasn’t the “best” Donnelly (that was my brother Dan,) or the “brightest” Donnelly (that was my brother Jim,) Mr. Bailey knew that I was the nearest clone to my father.  In the absence of my parent’s direct influence, as I staggered the ugly road through adolescence towards manhood, Mr. Bailey’s gentle concern and tongue like an angle-grinder ensured that I didn’t stray too far into the bushes and end up a jerk.  Although  it seemed that he wasn’t always watching me closely, he was invariably on the scene like Bat Man whenever I had made a poor decision.   Whether I had misplaced my razor for a week or had snuck out of a school assembly for some goof-off time, I would invariably run smack dab into Carrol Bailey.  To this day, I remember him shaking his head in resigned disappointment when I had accidentally missed my last Chemistry exam and had to take the test in a one-on-one session at the professor’s house to qualify for graduation.  Mr. Bailey was only in my life for a SEASON, but I never would have made it to and through the Naval Academy without his sub-vocalized instructions rebounding like a puck in my cranium.

A second important man was also only in my life for a SEASON. Jay Balboa was an anonymous academy classmate that I first consciously remember meeting in line for service selection. A fellow math major, he was one slot before me in class rank so we ended up selecting the same ship.  His welcome aboard package included a color picture of the USS Dahlgren, AKA the Dirty D; my picture was a black and white shot that looked like it had been taken surreptitiously by a Russian operative. Jay and I served together for three and half tough years on an aging tin can often administered brutally in Old Navy fashion.  We suffered through an internship regime that called for driving the ship on four hours or less sleep and absorbing vociferous and often public criticism from superior officers.  We kept each other sane and sober – for the most part.  Most importantly, he imparted a wonderful gift upon me:  he helped me start my journey towards making Pam’s Catholic faith my own.  Jay and I have fallen back into friendship as many old shipmates do now through Facebook, but we will probably never again approach the same level of intimacy that we did in our SEASON as shipmates.

“LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.”

I have written about many of my LIFETIME relationships with different family members throughout the year and a half that I have written this column, most notably about my relationship with Pam, who continues to influence me from her vantage in heaven.  My sister asked me the other week why I write so little about the second oldest relationship of my natural and super-natural life, my relationship with my mother. My answer was simple, “No one is supposed to look at the person behind the curtain.  Pay no attention to the person behind the curtain.”  While I am often superficially characterized as a near clone of my father, my mother’s subtler influence is apparent my better qualities – Mr. Bailey might want to discuss which and how many of those there are.  Thoughtful, patient, faithful, reserved and devoted, my mother’s personality provided the solid foundation necessary for Pam to shape me into a passable Catholic husband.  As I recently spent a week observing my parent’s interaction with young Natalie, I could see how my mom’s quiet personality and humor was successfully imprint onto each of her five children.  I am delighted that Natalie will someday remember my mother’s love and have the opportunity to pass on her own rendition of Sue Donnelly’s motherly affection to my future grandchildren.  Mom has taught me many of life’s most important lessons.  Hers certainly qualifies as a LIFETIME relationship.

[stunningcaptainswan]

Okay, for once and for all I just want to make something clear regarding my stance on the Colifer shipping issue because some people seem to have assumed that I ship it and maybe it was because I wasn’t clear enough. If you start reading this post, I would appreciate it if you read it until the very end because otherwise you may get the wrong idea and that is exactly what I am trying to clarify with this post.

I am structuring this in 3 parts as they are all related to my personal (and unpopular, it seems) position on Colifer shipping:

1) Real-life people shipping doesn’t necessarily have to be problematic

2) Essentialization of Colifer/real-life people shippers: judging an entire group of people for the acts of the bad apples

3) Idolization of actors and putting them on a pedestal

In the past I have talked about how I think real-life people shipping doesn’t necessarily have to be a problem. Why? Because if you ship two actors together, you can do so without harming any of the people involved, which means you have to:

a) keep it to yourself and/or to a private group of people you trust and feels the same

b) NEVER EVER EVER bring any of it up to anyone on social media, especially the actors involved. EVER. E-V-E-R.

c) NEVER EVER EVER hate on any of their significant others.

d) NEVER EVER EVER spread any rumors to feed your own wishes/fantasies

e) be a decent human being and be aware that your real-life people shipping requires you to have a lot of common sense and to know how to conceal your feelings.

I know that many seem to think that just shipping Jen and Colin together is disrespectful, but I don’t agree with that. Shipping itself is not the problem, the way people handle it is. That has always been my main point about this and what I stood for in the past and will always stand for. There are people who ship Colifer who do have common sense, manage to handle it in a way that does not disrespect/compromise Jen or Colin and never do a thing to harm them or their personal lives - because they follow all those guidelines so that nobody but themselves/their trusted group even knows about the shipping in the first place. I really don’t see how any of this is wrong or disrespectful when it does not affect any of the people involved. 

I get people saying “shame on you if you share/go to Jen and Colin with your Colifer fantasies”. I do not get those who say “shame on you if you ship Colifer”. The former rightly criticizes the way the Colifer shipping is (awfully) handled. The latter shames all those who ship it, including people who know how to behave. They’re different things and it seriously disturbs me this mentality of trying to control how people should/shouldn’t feel. As a fandom we do have a responsibility to try to control how people act, but not how they feel. If people want to ship a married man with his co-star, let them do their tinhatting if they must, but they should not be publicly shamed for that if (and only if) the way they act on it is absolutely harmless to the people involved.

I am aware that this, unfortunately, isn’t always the case as fandoms are filled with many people who have a problem controlling themselves and their feelings/emotions. There are many bad apples in the Colifer fandom, people whose actions seriously affect Jen and Colin because they don’t do any of the things listed above and act like total assholes. I will never ever support those who behave that way. I have been critical and 100% against this behavior in the past and I always will be, both here and on my Twitter account. However, that does not mean that I still agree with the way so many people in this fandom who know how to handle their Colifer shipping are judged/shamed for the behavior of the bad apples. We all agree that we shouldn’t judge an entire fandom for the acts of the BAs but that’s not what happens here. Colifer shippers are all immediately seen as the spawn of the devil. And, from the people I have talked to ever since I’ve joined the fandom, there seems to still be a considerate amount of CSers who ship Colifer and are too afraid to even talk about their friendship in fear of being misinterpreted by their fellow shipmates who are so intolerant and judgmental about the romantic shipping. I do not agree with an environment like this where people are made to feel like they are awful human beings when there are no consequences to their real-life shipping habits. That’s why you’ll see me talking against the way some CSers completely sideline/make other shippers feel like crap with what I consider to be narrow-minded beliefs as far as the Colifer thing goes.

Moving on to my last point: the idolization of actors and how fandom tends to put them on a pedestal. I have said many things in the past criticizing this common position many take when in a fandom and, apparently, some have interpreted that as a clear sign that I ship Colifer.

Whenever there’s talk/comments about Colifer shipping, I always see many people saying “Colin would never!” or “they wouldn’t do that!”, among other things that make it sound like the fans personally know Jen, Colin, their morals, values and who they are as people. I find that to be an extremely naïve position and a symptom of celebrity worship. Fans obviously don’t want Jen and/or Colin to be the kind of people who do that and so they just project their own beliefs/morals onto Jen and Colin. Again, if you think that neither would do that, fine, but acting as if you’re 100% sure they really would never do it is a stretch. It may lead to putting even more expectations on the actors’ shoulders (and sometimes standards that are impossible for them to meet) and then to disappointment on your part when they inevitably fall short. For all we know, Colin may be a jerk who cheats on his wife 24/7 and kicks puppies for fun. Jen may have affairs with married men on a daily basis and may slaughter baby pandas on her free time. Because we don’t actually know these people. Swearing on them and being so sure they would never [insert whatever action] is something I would never do. But ultimately that’s all on the fans, if they want to live in the illusion that Jen and Colin are perfect human beings who can do no wrong and are Gods on earth, okay. I’m just critical of such position, just as I am critical of all the obnoxious Colifer shippers who interpret everything as a sign that Colin and Jen are having an affair and share it with the whole world as if they had just struck gold (and if you check older posts and tweets of mine you’ll see it). Case in point: it seems to me that both “sides” are wearing different kinds of goggles - shipper goggles vs. celebrity worship goggles.

This means that if you ever see me using a tweet about Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford’s affair to say “wow, so married actors actually cheat on their wives with their co-stars??” I am not saying I believe this is what’s happening with Jen and Colin. It means I am being critical of the way most fans put Jen and Colin on such a high pedestal that a romantic involvement between them is deemed 100% impossible to happen - when other real life examples and statistics show that it is more common than the reaction of the fandom makes it out to be (shit happens in real life. Actually, it has happened on that same set in season 1 with Josh Dallas and Ginnifer Goodwin, but I digress). Arguing that it would never happen because “the actors would never do it” has no legitimacy whatsoever and comes from the fans’ own fantasies about who they want Jen and Colin to be as people. Which, to me, and following the same line of thinking that leads so many to condemn just the Colifer shipping itself (whether well-handled or not), is just as “bad” as assuming Jen and Colin are in love. I can give everyone a list with all the logical reasons that shut down pro-Colifer arguments but “Jen and Colin would never do it” isn’t one of them.

Having said that, do I believe Jen and Colin are in love and having an affair? No, I don’t.

Do I wish they were? No, I don’t.

Do I ship Colifer? No, I don’t.

Do I ship Colifer because I tag my Jen and Colin posts with ‘Colifer’? No, I don’t. I love ship names (and not all ship names have to have romantic connotations) and I’ll keep using this one to tag Jen and Colin’s friendship posts simply because I like it and I don’t care if some associate it with the romantic shipping of the two. I also tag my Jen and Josh posts with “JoshMo”, it doesn’t mean I think they’re having an affair either.

Finally, I won’t say Jen and Colin don’t look good together because they do. I think anyone who ships CS has to admit that because well… physically they look the same as CS, but I honestly can’t think of one thing that would make me want Jen and Colin to be together. 

I have shipped fictional couples in the past where the actors have also become involved in real life and in 99.9% of the cases, that ends up messing their onscreen dynamic, especially if something goes wrong (and that tends to be the case too). So I will always, always prefer the actors of the couples I ship to not have any sort of romantic involvement in real life because that way I know that behind the scenes drama will never affect what’s happening onscreen. As a fervent CSer who is only really invested in the fictional characters/couple, Jen and Colin getting together when there’s a marriage and a child involved would be the worst type of BTS drama ever and a total and absolute nightmare for my CS shipping heart. That’s why I am very thankful for the fact that they seem to be close friends and I hope it always stays that way. That, however, does not mean I am not capable of seeing some Colifer shippers being unfairly treated by the rest of the fandom and to feel the need to stick up for that minority, even if I don’t agree with them/share the same feelings. I don’t think it’s that difficult to understand.

Hope that’s clear now.

PS: I have talked about Colifer because that’s the reality I’m closest to, being a CS shipper. But everything I said about them applies to any real-life shipping pair, really, OUAT fandom or not.

[ladyfogg]

May I? - 5/?

May I? - 5/?

Fic Summary: Ensign Faith Diaz struggles to hide her mental illness from her fellow shipmates aboard the Enterprise until an intrigued Data goes out of his way to try to understand her behavior. At his insistence, Faith tries to figure out what she’s truly passionate about and eventually seeks the professional help she needs. Fic Masterpost.

Fic Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Data/Female OC

Warnings: tw: depression, tw: anxiety, fluff, friends to lovers, eventual smut

Screenshot by @ geekygwen

Data and Faith spoke for some time.

Despite liking the food, she seemed to eat very little of it. Data noticed her push the plate away shortly after Counselor Troi took her leave.

"Are you no longer hungry?" he asked, motioning to her food.

Faith shook her head. "Not really."

"Is it your injury?"

"No. I just don't seem to have much of an appetite these days."

"Perhaps Dr. Crusher can help."

At the mention of the doctor, Faith's shoulders tensed and she seemed to physically shrink away. Data studied the changes, fascinated by how quickly she went from calm and open, to closed off and defensive.

"It's okay." Her tone was clipped and firm. "I'll handle it."

"Do you have a personal issue with Dr. Crusher?"

Faith sighed. "Dr. Crusher is nice enough," she said. "I've just never been comfortable with doctors."

"Why is that?"

She did not answer him. Instead, she offered a tight smile. "I think I should retire to my quarters. I'm getting tired."

As she made a move to stand, Data did the same. "I am sorry if I overstepped. I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You didn't," Faith said. "It was a reasonable question. I just don't like to talk about myself."

"It is my understanding that connections are forged through shared experiences and communication. If you do not talk about yourself, how can you connect with others?"

Faith remained silent, eyes drifting from Data's to stare at the floor. "I guess that's something I should think about. Have a good evening."

Data opened his mouth to speak but Faith was already walking away, leaving him confused. He watched her go, unsure of what he could have said to make her end their interaction so abruptly. He then concluded that his question regarding her disdain for doctors must have been too personal.

His gaze caught Deanna and Riker who clearly had witnessed the exchange. He walked over to them, still puzzled.

"Everything okay, Data?" Riker asked.

"I do not know. I am finding it difficult to navigate a conversation with Faith without her withdrawing."

"I wouldn't take it personally, Data," Deanna said. "Faith is going through a difficult personal time."

"I had suspected as much. Counselor, is there anything you would suggest I do to help?"

Deanna and Riker shared a knowing smile. "I think it is very sweet of you to want to help her," she said.

"We have had three separate interactions in the last four days. They have been fairly pleasant and I have found her quite competent in her work. This is a direct contradiction to Geordi's reports from before. I am simply trying to determine where the discrepancy lies."

Deanna looked worried. "She's having trouble with her work?"

Data nodded. "According to Geordi." He paused in thought before joining them at the table. "Counselor, Commander, you know each other fairly well."

"I'd say so," Riker smirked, earning a playful smack on the arms from Deanna.

"Was it easy to get to know each other? While I have had no trouble making friends here on the Enterprise, I understand it is not easy for everyone."

"Well, for one thing, it takes time," Deanna said. "Not everyone can share their thoughts and feelings as readily as others. This makes connecting very difficult."

Riker added, "Sometimes just spending time with a person, even if you don't talk, can help them to feel more comfortable around you. If you do speak, keep the topic light and carefree. Let them share when they are ready."

"Hmm." Data processed what Riker said. "Then perhaps that is the approach I will take with Faith. Thank you both."

He made a move to stand but Riker stopped him from leaving. "Wait, Data, are you saying you wish to get closer to Faith?" he asked.

"I would like to understand what is causing her shift in mood and activity levels. But she will not open up to me if she is uncomfortable. I cannot help her this way."

"Data," Deanna said gently. "It's not that simple. None of us know the extent of what Faith is going through. We cannot force help on her. I think the best approach is to just be her friend. Period. Don't do it just so she will tell you what you want to know."

He considered her words, understanding the logic behind them. He could see how his initial approach might cause more harm than good. Between their advice and Geordi's, he began to develop a clearer picture of how he wished to proceed.

"I understand, Counselor. I will keep that in mind."

He nodded toward them both before getting to his feet. As he left Ten Forward, he pondered how much Faith had invaded his thoughts of late. He had always found human interactions fascinating. Faith was exhibiting reactions he rarely had a chance to witness up close. 

She was not the only thing on his mind of course. The mystery in Engineering had yet to be solved. He and Geordi had not been able to find any substantial leads.

No other pieces of machinery had been found out of place. The two that were tampered with had been monitored closely and were found to be functioning correctly. He and Geordi were perplexed.

The Enterprise had also reached the next planet in the Modrore system. It too had abandoned structures like the previous planet, far older than the others. Still, there were no signs of life. Another oddity Data was intrigued to study.

"Most interesting indeed," he said to himself.

He did not see Faith the following day, nor the one after that. In fact, they did not cross paths again until three days after she was cleared for duty. Data was not required on the Bridge and instead took to Engineering.

He found Faith hunched over the center console, eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Good morning, Faith. It is good to see you back at your post."

She looked up at him with a smile. "It's good to be back, Commander," she said.

Data noticed the dark circles around her eyes remained and she did not look particularly well-rested. Yet her mood seemed light and her shoulders lacked the tension he had witnessed during their previous interaction.

"What are you working on?" Data asked, moving to stand by her side.

Faith straightened up, rubbing her forehead. "Well, I wanted a visual on where the two mysterious incidents took place, so I marked them on the schematics." She zoomed out of the plans so he could see her markings. "The first took place in the tubes which was easily hidden from view. The second was in a more centralized area, yet no one saw anything. Allegedly."

"You do not believe them?"

"It's not that, I'm just not quick to rule it out that someone is lying."

"A wise move," Data said. "Are both stations still functioning at optimal capacity?" 

"As far as I can tell," she said. 

Data stared at the visual, tapping at the screen to input his own information. "If we calculate the distance between the two locations, and factor in the length of time between their discovery and staff rotations, it is entirely feasible the same person committed both acts without being seen."

"But they would have had to leave and come back, or hide close by," Faith said. "Which increases the chances of being discovered. The fact that they weren't is amazing considering the traffic in this area."

"There is a two-point-five percent chance they would not be discovered."

Faith hummed in thought. "Small, but not impossible."

Geordi came around the corner, heading directly towards Faith. "Ensign, did you finish running those specs I asked for?"

"Yes, Commander," Faith said, standing straight and giving him her full attention. She handed him the PADD resting on the console. "I was waiting for you to finish meeting with Carver. I didn't want to interrupt."

Geordi looked impressed as he scanned over the information. "Good work, Diaz." He glanced at the schematic laid out on the console's screen. "What's this?"

"Oh. I was curious about the incidents so I mapped them," she said. "The Commander and I were trying to find a connection."

"And did you?"

Faith shook her head. "One was out of sight and the other in plan view. The only connections are they were both Engineering related and no one saw them being tampered with. Though there is a chance it was done by the same person."

"Geordi, I have a suggestion," Data said.

"Lay it on me," Geordi encouraged.

"Would you permit me to take apart each unit?"

"What for?"

"To see if any components are missing," Data explained. "If anything was taken, it would not necessarily hinder the console's performance."

"That's true," Faith said. "Whoever did this had to have had mechanical and engineering experience. They could have easily reworked the console to function without some of the minor pieces."

Geordi considered their suggestion, arms crossed in thought. "That's a leap, but right now we don't have any other ideas. Go for it, Data." He turned to Faith. "Diaz, I'm swamped with these upgrades Starfleet is requesting. Since you found the first console and seem interested in the investigation, I want you to on this. Work with Data and report to me anything you two find."

Faith's eyes widened. "Y-You want me to take-point, sir?"

Geordi gave her a smile, handing her back the PADD. "I'm sure you'll do just fine. Just watch your head this time."

"I will make sure she does not injure herself again," Data promised.

Faith scoffed, trying to hide her smile. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"Nope," Geordi teased. "Let me know if you guys find anything."

As he walked away, Faith turned to Data, fiddling with the PADD. "Guess we'll be working together," she said.

"When I'm not needed on the Bridge, of course," Data reminded her. "Which console would you like to examine first?"

"Let's do the assistant's one," she said, leading him toward the office. "Things are quiet right now so it would be the best time. Plus, I think Geordi has Carver working on the upgrades with him."

"Agreed."

They gathered several tools and got to work dismantling the console. Data noticed Faith was careful, taking her time to map the circuits with her eyes after she removed the front panel.

Data himself was able to scan it much quicker but found nothing out of place. Instead, he watched her and the way she traced her fingers over the wires, lips moving as she spoke to herself. He suddenly understood why it took her longer to do tasks than it would take others. She was meticulous, making sure everything was accounted for before turning to him.

"So far so good," she said.

Data focused on the unit. "I see no signs of tampering. All circuits, wires, and power chips are accounted for."

"At least for the main functions. Let's check the back-up ones."

It took time to maneuver through the complicated wiring and during several instances they had to pause and rethink their strategy before continuing. Data found it to be an overall pleasant experience. Her knowledge was vast and she did not seem to need to fill the silence with idle chatter.

Strangely enough, Data found he wanted to talk. "Have you been sleeping well?" he asked.

"Not really," Faith said. "It's about the same as it was before."

"Do you no longer wish to visit Ten Forward when you cannot sleep?"

"I haven't decided yet. It seemed like a good idea at the time but when I thought about it the last few nights, I just couldn't bring myself to go."

"Was there any particular reason?"

"There were several...Commander, look!" Faith drew his attention to the section where back-up power chips were stored. 

Two were missing. 

"Interesting," Data commented. "There is no reason for these chips to be missing."

"Yeah, it's against regulations not to replace back-ups. Otherwise, if we don't and we need them, we'd be out of luck."

Data scanned the rest of the components. "I see nothing else out of place."

"Neither do I. Let's do one more sweep and then check the other one."

They found nothing else had been disturbed. Just as they were closing things up, Carver came in to work. Data and Faith got out of his way.

"Do you need to take a break or do you wish to continue on?" Data asked.

"I'm good to keep going. I'm even more curious than before."

"I must admit, I am as well."

They made their way to the Jefferies tubes. Once inside, Faith asked, "Do you want to go first, Commander, or should I?"

"After you."

Faith began to climb and Data followed. "Faith, may I ask why you have returned to using my formal title?" he asked. It was something he had noted earlier but felt the need to address it when they were alone. "Do you no longer wish to call me by my name?"

"Oh, no that's not it at all," she assured him. "I just thought using your name would be too informal for a work setting. I don't mind if you call me Faith but I assumed you'd want me to stick to 'Commander' when in Engineering."

"A logical and astute observation," Data said. "I was concerned I had done something wrong."

Faith reached the landing and turned to face him as he continued to climb. "You were concerned? I thought you didn't have feelings." Her tone was light and teasing as if his words amused her.

"Perhaps concerned was not the proper word," Data amended. "Curious could be considered more accurate. If I did something to offend you, I apologize and wish to correct it."

Faith's face softened. "I'm sorry I made you think you did something wrong. Trust me, you didn't. Promise. I was just trying to be professional."

"That is good to hear."

"You and Counselor Troi have actually been very helpful since my accident. I want to thank you for that."

"You are welcome." Data reached the top and Faith led him to the tube where she found the disturbance. "Have you decided to see her regularly?"

"Not yet. Not in an official capacity at least. She did invite me on a walk through the Arboretum tomorrow."

"You should accept. It is a lovely place."

"I might. We'll see."

They continued on and reached the console that started the mystery. It did not look like it had been touched since they had fixed it. Just like with the other one, they began to take it apart carefully.

"Faith, may I ask what you do for recreation?"

"Nothing really."

Data frowned. "Nothing at all?"

"No. There never really seems to be any time."

"While it is true Starfleet does keep a full schedule, there is still downtime during most days."

"I just haven't found anything to hold my interest," she said with a shrug. "So I gave up trying."

"Maybe you could try painting. I have found it to be most enjoyable."

"I'm not much of an artist."

"Do you enjoy music? Why not learn an instrument?"

Faith sighed and stopped her work. "I appreciate the attempt," she said. "But I've tried already and nothing stuck."

"Perhaps you simply have not found the right outlet." Data paused, noting several wires had been reconfigured. "Faith, hand me the tricorder."

She did as he commanded, leaning in close to examine what he had found. "Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?" she asked.

"Yes. Several wires have been taken and those that remained were reconfigured to hide the change."

Faith leaned back, a pensive look on her face. "So two power chips and a handful of wires are gone. But why? None of this makes sense."

"No, it does not," Data agreed. "However, I think we should expand our search."

"Why do you say that?"

Data motioned to the tube ahead of them and when Faith turned, she saw a dark smudge on the doors leading to the next section.

"What the hell?" she muttered, crawling towards it. 

Data followed and as they drew closer, the smudge became more distinct: a round palm flanked by four fingers.

"It's a handprint," Faith realized.

"Indeed. Now the question is, who or what made it?"